“Ah said GIT!”

Luna blinked as the door to the guest suite was suddenly flung open inches from her face and a blue-coated unicorn strutted out, his face a picture of disgust.

“Why, I have never been spoken to like that in ten years of working at the Palace!” he yelled, turning to glare over his shoulder. “I know when my talents are not welcome! Good day, Mr Apple.” His horn glowed as his magic slammed the door shut behind him with a loud crash, the frame shuddering. It was only when he’d taken a long, deep, exasperated breath that he looked up and found the Princess of the Night regarding him with a barely-veiled look of amusement.

“Are we to take it, Fine Charms, that McIntosh was unwilling to work with your suggestions for the event this evening?” Luna enquired.

The stallion harrumphed loudly, tossing his head back before lifting his muzzle, his elegantly styled mane spilling down over his shoulders. “Majesty, while I understand and respect that Mr Apple is the stallion you have chosen to share your affections with, he has the manners of a boor and the fashion sense of a blind pony. He would not accept any of my suggestions to improve his appearance, nor his couture. It was all I could do to get him to accept a mane wash and to have his hooves polished.” He shuddered before going on, taking a moment to compose himself. “He refuses to wear a collar or any sort of clothing at all! To go to an event such as this...naked! It’s nearly enough to turn my mane white!” He finished up with a stamp of his hoof. “I’m sorry, Majesty, but I can’t work under these conditions! You will need to find someone else to attend to Mr Apple.”

“We apologise for our coltfriend if he has offended you, Fine Charms. I am sure it was nothing personal. McIntosh is not used to our ways in Canterlot and...I may have agreed that he would not need to wear any clothing to the party. To dress him as they would wish, to change his appearance simply to satisfy the expectations of the nobles, is simply not who he is. It was most remiss of us to not make this clear to you.” She bowed her head low, her wings spreading. “You have our regrets.”

Her only reply was an indignant sniff. “The least he could do was agree to have that haystack he calls a mane styled to something from this century but no, apparently even this was beyond his capacity to bear! I am sorry, Princess Luna, but if your paramour insists on wishing to look as if he has just rolled in from a frontier town then I simply cannot assist you. Good day, Majesty!”

Luna sighed and waved her wing in dismissal, waiting until she was alone in the hallway before she let out a long, resigned sigh. “That went about as expected…” she muttered to herself before lifting a hoof to knock on the door. “Mac? May we enter?”

There was a long pause before the door opened. She lifted her hoof to knock a second time, only to pause as the door creaked open. The sight that greeted her was enough to prompt her to look away for a moment, schooling her expression into something more neutral. She cleared her throat, desperately trying to smother the giggles that were threatening to escape. “You, uhm, you seem to be trying a new look out, I see.”

Mac sighed and opened the door all the way. “Go on. Get it out yer system.” His cheeks had been touched up with blush, his mane partly slicked back with some sweet-scented pomade, the remains of a starched white collar replacing the halter that was usually draped around his neck, looking as if he’d tried to remove it with his teeth. “Dunno what that fancy stallion was thinkin’ trying to get me all dolled up,” he muttered as he moved back to let her in. “Might as well put lipstick on one of the farm pigs. This ain’t me, Luna.”

She nodded agreement as she stepped through the door, brushing her wing against his flank. “Nay, it is not, and we cry your pardon for not making this more clear to Fine Charms. He is very good at his job, but he is too used to adhering to the standards expected by the nobility.” Her horn flashed, the glow of her magic washing over him and removing all traces of the abortive makeover, the collar disappearing, his mane returning to its usual semi-wild state, the blush removed from his cheeks. “As we agreed, Mac. You need be only who you are tonight.”

He grunted and glanced in a mirror, checking to make sure that there was nothing lingering, then stepped in closer to nuzzle along Luna’s neck. She allowed herself a moment to relax, to lean into the touch as she curved her neck over his to press his head down to her breast, breathing slow as she savoured the simple pleasure of her coltfriend’s touch. “I feel I must apologise again for this, Mac. This was not what I had intended for our date to be. I had hoped we would have more time before confronting the noble court, but the opportunity here is too good to pass over. Fancy Pants is a good stallion, one of the finest among the nobles. Out of them all, he is the most likely to support our relationship. After all, his own dalliances with Fleur De Lis were a matter of some scandal when they first became public knowledge.”

Mac lifted his head up, looking puzzled. “How come? Ah know the name, Rarity’s mentioned her a couple o’times but ah didn’t know there was any great secret there.”

“No secret, in fact they were very open about the fact that, to begin with, Fancy Pants paid for her company, and paid quite handsomely I believe. Once upon a time Mistress Fleur was the highest paid courtesan in Canterlot. It was even said that she knew the most intimate secrets of over half the noble stallions in Canterlot, and enough about the other half to bring down their Houses overnight.” Luna smiled to herself. “An exaggeration, of course, but the truth was that many young sons of nobles often graced her chambers and were less than discreet with their words in the throes of passion. But then came Fancy and everything changed. I do not pretend to know what transpired between them, but as time passed she entertained fewer and fewer visitors until there was only he and she.”

“Are they, y’know, married? Herding?”

“She is his companion. His consort, his confidante.” She replied, nudging his head back down to settle against her, nuzzling around his ears as she spoke. “I believe the situation suits both of them for the moment. Perhaps one day they will marry, but for now they are content to, how do the minotaurs say it? Thumb their noses at convention, and at the disapproval of their peers. I find their honesty and attitudes quite refreshing, in truth. I sometimes visit with them for coffee and they appraise me of the latest goings-on within the nobility. They are, in truth, my secret weapon in my dealings with the noble houses. Between the three of us there is little we cannot ferret out.”

Mac grunted at that, allowing her nuzzling to soothe the last of his frayed nerves. “There’s still gonna be talk after this. More gossip an’rumour. Ah’magine there’s plenty of nobles gonna be at this party that look down their noses all the same.”

“True, but that is all they can do to Fancy, or to us. They can look, they can even judge, but that is the extent of it. I have grown used to their whining since my return, it seems they are always unhappy about something that we have done or not done. Now, we must be on our way shortly and...Mac, what are you doing?”

The head that had been pressed companionably against her was moving now, soft lips and flat teeth teething across her hide, heading for the base of one of her wings. She lifted it without thinking as he nuzzled at the wingbase, a shiver running through her as he brushed his lips against that sensitive bundle of nerves at the base. He turned his head to look at her, a teasing glint in his eyes. “We don’t need to go JUST yet, though….right? Fashionably late and all that, ain’t that so?”

Luna shifted in place, her wings fluttering, tail threatening to lift at any moment as he turned his attention to her wing, nibbling into her feathers in a way that sent more of those pleasant, distracting shivers coursing down the length of her spine. “Well...no,” she conceded, her voice already turning breathy. “We have time yet before the party starts, and it would not be seemly to arrive too early. And besides, a Princess is never late, nor early. She arrives exactly when she means to and nopony would dare to say otherwise.”

“Mmm. That’s what ah thought.” He stepped away from her, then trotted towards the adjoining bedroom, pausing a moment to give an almost coquettish glance over his shoulder at her. “Ah ain’t never seen a bed this big before. Be a shame not to...take advantage.” His tail flicked up as he spoke, the stallion chuckling throatily as he disappeared through the doorway.

Luna snorted, her tail lashing the air. “Keep up thy teasing and the bed is not the only thing that will get ridden, McIntosh Apple,” she shot back. “Few would dare to taunt the Princess of the Night in such a manner. Prepare thyself!” Her horn glowed once more, the suite’s door locking behind her as she trotted eagerly into the bedroom to join him, that door also closing and locking a moment later.

Celestia’s sun had dipped below the horizon by the time they had completed their thorough test of the bed’s durability. This had, in truth, taken some time. As had the shower together afterwards. The party was in full swing by the time Luna and Mac had descended from the guest tower to stand before the closed doors leading to the great hall. As they approached, he could make out the buzz of conversation and the faint strains of music from behind the heavy golden barrier.

Some of his earlier confidence had begun to wane as they approached the door, Mac shifting nervously beside Luna as they paced along the cavernous marble halls, their hooves echoing with every step. She was the picture of calm, her head lifted, starry mane floating effortlessly behind her, her posture regal and composed. Very much the swan to his duckling, gliding smoothly past guards and servants alike, exchanging brief nods and greetings with some of the staff.

“Mebbe this wasn’t the best idea,” he muttered, shifting his weight from one hoof to another, glancing at the stone faced palace guards who regarded him impassively from each side of the door. Hanging over the door was a large banner upon which was written “Benefit Function for the Rebuilding Effort in Vanhoover”. Mac grunted to himself, he seemed to recall there being some sort of disaster there recently, but Vanhoover was a long, long way from Ponyville so he hadn’t paid much attention. Now he was starting to regret it.

Luna extended a wing, sliding it reassuringly over and curving in to squeeze him to her flank for a moment. “You will be fine, Mac. I shall introduce you to Fancy and Fleur, you need not be on your own. We will, as they say, have your back. Trust me.” She stood in front of him, brushing her lips to his, her smile hopeful, encouraging.

He took a deep breath. He could do this. He’d faced down pests and predators, thugs and bullies of all stripes. What waited for him behind that door was no worse than any of the eldritch horrors that seemed to pop up in Ponyville every other week. He stole another quick kiss from her and nodded. “Let’s do this.”

Luna smiled warmly as she fell into step beside him again. She glanced at the guards who snapped to attention at once and reached inwards in unison to pull the doors open. A voice from within boomed out, “Announcing the arrival of Princess Luna Noctis, diarch of Equestria, Sovereign Ruler of the Night Sky, Lady of the Moon, Defender of the Realm and the Blade of Equestria. Also announcing the arrival of the Royal Consort, McIntosh Apple of Ponyville.”

Luna had to fight not to roll her eyes as her titles were reeled off. “Hm, only the most pertinent ones this evening. I suppose if we listed the titles of every noble here then the party would never get started. We hope thou’rt not too intimidated...” she turned to Mac only to find him with the most peculiar look on his face. “Mac? Art thou well?”

He couldn’t reply at first. He had taken a breath just after the door opened and it was all he could do to keep from retching. Gods, the smell! It was damn near overwhelming.

The hall was filled with ponies in a variety of finery, colours and styles clashing and fighting for space. The air was similarly filled with a hundred different conversations, and a hundred different perfumes and colognes crashing together in a cloying miasma of scents. Breathing through his mouth made no difference, he could almost taste it, every new breath all but coating his tongue with a dozen different perfumes and it took all his concentration to keep his lunch where it belonged.

Luna smiled sadly as she realised what was going on, and gave him a sympathetic look and nuzzle along the side of his neck. "I perhaps should have warned you about the latest crime against common sense and fashion in the court. I sometimes suspect the only reason they can bear it is all that inbreeding has burned out their sense of smell," she confided. "At least the outdoor events aren't too overpowering."

Mac snorted, and then promptly regretted it, managing to stifle a sneeze against his fetlock. “What are they THINKIN’?” He whispered as he leaned his head in closer to hers. “Even the ponies at the spa don’t lay on this amount of scent.”

“They are thinking that my dear Sister once commented that a particular lady was wearing a scent that she found quite pleasing.” Luna replied, turning her head so that her mane hid their whispered conversation from view. “Since then they have engaged in this olfactory warfare, each smothering him or herself in increasing amounts of whatever scent is considered particularly fashionable among their peers in the deluded belief that it will enable them to curry some favour with Tia. The result is...well, painfully obvious until your senses deaden to it. At least the current vogue is for more flowery scents. You should consider yourself lucky you were not here a couple of months ago when musks were in vogue. The air was so thick at some events you could near chew on it.”

Mac suppressed his shudder as Luna drew away, “How can ya stand it?”

“Like many of the less pleasant things in life, my dear Mac. Practice.” She gave him a little nudge with a wing to urge him away from the door and into the crowd. She exchanged pleasant greetings with a few of the nobles, the crowd parting before them like a wave, closing in behind and blocking the path to the door. Luna’s attention was ever forward but as Mac shot a glance behind them he was greeted with a sea of faces, not all of them happy, some speculative, some amused, others downright hostile. With a quick look around he judged there to be near a hundred ponies gathered in the hall, some dancing, most standing in small groups talking together. Their arrival had been enough to briefly stall the conversation but as they moved into the crowd the hubbub resumed.

As the crowd shifted he spotted Celestia’s multi-coloured mane over near one of the tables of food. There was a string quartet set up in one corner, though Mac couldn’t have told you what they were playing, the music all but lost in the din of so many voices. Not to say anyone was shouting, no, but when you had so many ponies in once place every conversation blended into the next till there was nothing but a wall of sound smothering each individual voice.

“Well, about what we expected,” he muttered under his breath. Few of the nobles bothered to greet him directly, or even acknowledge that he was standing next to the Princess, their attention and flattery all reserved for Luna.

“Ah! Princess Luna. A pleasure, truly, we’re SO thrilled you could come to join us tonight.” A warm, cultured voice rose above the din and Mac found himself standing before a white coated stallion with a short, neatly coiffured blue mane. He was dressed in a black tuxedo, a monocle set over one eye. Flanking him was a slender mare with a long pink mane, a mischievous grin on her face as she nudged the stallion with a hoof. “I told you so. You should know better than to bet against me. Now pay up.”

The stallion sighed, a touch melodramatically. “Don’t be crass, darling. You know I don’t carry bits on me at events. We’ll settle up afterwards if that’s alright.” He cleared his throat and bowed politely to Luna. “A pleasure to see you, Princess. Thank you for coming to our little gathering. You have my thanks, and the thanks of all those we intend to help.”

“‘Tis our pleasure, Fancy. Your invite was, as ever, most welcome.” She stepped back and gestured with a wing to Mac. “May I introduce my coltfriend, Big Mac of Ponyville?”

Mac cleared his throat, stepping forward to offer his hoof to Fancy. To his surprise, rather than trying to shake it, Fancy instead bumped hooves with him with a little grin that could almost be described as roguish.

“You are most welcome as well, Mr Apple,” said Fancy. “I must apologise for Fleur’s comments, but we had a little wager over whether or not you would have submitted to the expectations of our noble brethren. I, as you can no doubt surmise, bet against you and lost. I’m normally a better judge of character than this, but ah well. We can’t all be right all the time, what?”

Mac looked at Fleur, then at Fancy. He didn’t say a word, simply lifted a hoof towards Fleur for her to bump. The tall, graceful mare allowed a hint of a smile to ghost over her lips before she lifted her immaculately manicured hood and bumped it firmly against his. “In my former line of work, on learned to be a good judge of character,” she replied. “Sometimes you simply got a feeling about a stallion that suggested it would not be in your best interests to do business with them, for example. I was almost always right.” She glanced at Fancy and winked. “YOU I marked out as trouble the moment you knocked on my door, but I let you in anyway. Damn you and your...moustache.”

Fancy just looked pleased. “Never underestimate the impact of some finely sculptured facial hair, my flower. This fine moustache of mine has given me the edge in more than one negotiation.” The eye hidden behind the monocle glittered with amusement. “Now, Mac, may I call you Mac?” He waited for the nod before continuing, “Luna has asked if I could take you under my metaphorical wing this evening, introduce you to the right folks within my circle of contacts, including a couple of members of the press I find to be quite sympathetic when it comes to such matters as your relationship here. If you don’t mind, I’d like to start off introducing you to them, would that be alright?” Mac nodded again and Fancy smiled broadly. “Splendid, old chap, splendid. Now, come on with me, I’ll fetch you a drink and we can get started.”

Luna nodded approvingly. “Thank you again for this, Fancy. We are-”

“Nonsense, Majesty, think nothing of it,” Fancy tutted, raising a hoof and shaking his head. “It’s my pleasure to assist Mr Macintosh in surviving the shark infested waters of the noble court. Though of course if the royal treasury could be convinced to spare a few coins in donation to our wonderfully splendid cause…”

Luna snorted and waved a wing. “You know we will be more than happy to donate to the cause, Fancy. Not that the royal treasury has been blind to the incident in Vanhoover. We have already sent many thousands of bits in relief aid, building materials and skilled ponies to help with the relief effort.”

While the two talked, Mac leaned in a little closer to Fleur and murmured under his breath, “Ah’m a mite outta touch, Miss Fleur. What happened exactly?”

“Ah. A fair question, Mac. There was an eruption, a volcano, beneath the surface of Luna Bay. Vanhoover was hit very badly by huge waves from the sea, many ponies died and many buildings and businesses were destroyed.” She paused, shaking her head slowly. “They had some advance warning so they were able to partially evacuate, and the royal guard detachment was able to set up some defences...but it simply wasn’t enough. Her majesty is correct that they’ve already sent a great deal of aid, but there are those of us within the noble court who wish to do our part as well.”

Mac nodded, “Thanks, Miss Fleur. Luna forgot t’mention exactly what this was all in aid of before she pressganged me into it.”

Fleur grinned suddenly, turning a moment to watch Fancy and Luna, who were deep in conversation about exactly what constituted a “few coins” to the treasury. The figures being bandied about were enough to make Mac’s head spin at the mere thought of so much money. “Ah, it would seem that your guide for the afternoon has been detained. What a surprise,” she deadpanned. “Well then, Mac, it would seem that you will be with me. I will lead you through this sea of sharks and out the other side with no more than a nibble or two on your hooves, I promise.” She smiled warmly at him. “Let’s begin.”

Author's Notes:

I TOLD YOU I WASN'T DEAD!

But seriously, though, I really have to apologise. This chapter has taken an age and a day. New daughter really bites into writing time, most evenings we're so tired we just flop into bed rather than doing anything more exciting.

Also, I hate this chapter. I really struggled with it and I hope it doesn't show too badly. You're getting this pretty much UNEDITED as I wanted to get this out to you as soon as I had it ready to go, so you can see I haven't given up on the story. If you've stuck around this long then thank you, thank you, thank you. I will do my best to make sure you don't have anywhere near as long to wait for the next chapter.