Chapter XVI- Wally Melon, dungeon crawler! -Or- All up in Jarl’s business!

Deep underneath the unsuspecting streets of Canterlot Wally made his way through the winding halls and corridors of the Everink Vault. The walls were carved from rough gray stone and lined with torches that bathed Wally’s path in flickering orange light. The halls were narrow with just barely enough room for two ponies to walk abreast adding an uncomfortable feeling of claustrophobia to the already eerie surroundings and even in light of this Wally hummed adventuring music to himself as he trotted along the path.

“So far so good,” He said to himself with a small grin as he unknowingly walked past a pony skull set in the wall. “Maybe it isn’t as bad as all that! I’ll get that comic back for sure!”

He came to a wide dome shaped chamber and paused. Floating in the air halfway between the floor and the ceiling was a magical ball of light, suspended in midair like a miniature sun. In the bright light Wally could see that the walls were lined in hundreds of holes and the floor was made of stone tiles, each depicting different creatures from the lowly mouse to the mighty lion. Across the room Wally spotted a door that would be the exit.

“Poison darts.” Wally muttered remembering the quest giver’s warning. “Hm,… this seems familiar… Wait, I know this one! It’s from Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Statue! All of these animals are predators except for the mousy!”

Wally jumped onto a tile with a mouse on it. The tile sank into the floor with a loud click and the chamber began to rumble as unseen gears began to turn behind the walls.

“W-WHAT?! No! But how?!”

He looked down at the tiles again and spotted one with a wedge of cheese carved into it. Somewhere in the eternally shifting planes of Oblivion, a madman laughed on his throne of chaos.

“Dagnabbit!”

The stallion broke into a full gallop and made a run for it as hundreds of darts began to fire from the walls and ceiling. He dove to the ground and slid along the floor as he felt a sharp pain in his rump. He let out a wail of dread as the door slammed shut behind him.

“I’m dead!” He sniffled. “I’mdeadI’mdeadI’mdeadI’m-“

A piece of paper fluttered to the ground in front of his face.

“W-what?”

He picked the paper up in his hooves and read.

Dear Inker,

So apparently it’s like, super illegal to buy poison darts. It’s considered treason or something so I wasn’t able to get my hooves on any which is just as well because really dude, I know you value your collection and all, but poison darts seem to be kind of heavy hooved in terms of protection don’t you think? Anyway, instead of poison darts I got you porcupine quills. Hope that works for you. Talk to you soon.
–Tripwire

Wally looked back at his flank and saw three large spines stick out from his flesh. He sniffled and pulled them out with his teeth, fighting back tears with each tug.

“That hurt!” Wally moaned. “What kind of sadistic meanie would do that?”

He shook the pain from his rump and popped his neck as he jumped to his hooves.

“I gotta keep moving!” He said. “I can’t give up now just because of a few ouchies on my side plot! Bastian wouldn’t give up and neither will I! I will find the sacred comic of awesome and save the shop from foreclosure! I got this!”

With as fierce a whiny as he could muster, Wally reared back on his hind legs and broke into a full gallop.

“I GOT THIIIIIS!” He screamed furiously as he ran down the hallway.

He dodged swinging blades of death, zigzagged through gouts of roaring flames, and ducked beneath hissing snakes that were being launched like bolos from crossbow turrets. Time seemed to slow down for the young stallion as he leapt over a deep pit filled with water and cheered in triumph as hungry sharks leapt up from the water and snapped at his hooves. His victory was short lived however. His cries of victory quickly turned into screams of panic as a trap door opened in the floor and he dove straight into darkness. He landed on a slide carved from crystal and spun around and around on the slide’s slippery surface as he descended further into darkness of the vault.

“BAD DAY BAD DAY BAD DAY!” He screamed.

Suddenly the slide vanished from underneath him and his ride came to an abrupt stop. He fell for perhaps five feet before he landed in a shallow pool of ice cold water with a loud splash. Trembling and miserable, Wally staggered out of the pool blowing a thin stream of water from his lips.

“I’m good!” He called out to the shadows. “Didn’t hurt!”

He shook his body furiously to dry himself and looked around the dark chamber. The floor was made of hard packed earth and the walls were of jagged crystals that glowed dimly in the inky darkness of the cave.

“Willikers…” He whispered. “I must be somewhere waaaaay under Canterlot… Oh Celestia, how am I supposed to get out of here?”

And then something happened that Wally truly was not expecting. A voice in the darkness spoke, making him nearly jump out of his skin.

“Oh my dear sweet Willy Gourd…. You’re not!” The feminine voice chuckled from the darkness.

A pair of narrow golden eyes appeared from the darkness and stared at the pony hungrily. Wally gasped in fright and backed away as a large creature with the head of a mare, the body of a lioness and a pair of great feathered wings stepped out from the shadows, grinning at the pony like he was a tasty treat. She stood taller than a pony, almost as high as a Nord and twice as wide. Her coat was the color of desert sand, her mane as dark as midnight and though she had the head of a beautiful young mare, her fangs definitely indicated that she was indeed “coniferous”, much to Wally’s woe.

“H-how did you almost know my name?!” Wally gasped.

“I have approximate knowledge of many things…” She purred proudly as she circled around him. “For instance, I know that your friend Sebastian Gongbang is currently speaking with the Queen in her castle of Canterbury right above our heads.”

“Yeah, more or less.” Wally agreed. “But what are you doing down here?”

“Did First Edition not tell you about me?” She asked as if offended.

“I don’t think so…” Wally said rubbing his chin. “Did he?”

“I am the guardian!” She said proudly drawing herself up to her full height. “I am she who watches the gates of the vault and judges those who would seek the treasures sealed inside. I am THE SPHINX!”

She rose onto her hind legs and let out a mighty roar that echoed throughout the cave as her great wings unfurled behind her.

“The what?” Wally asked.

Her wings drooped as if deflated. She glared at the pony and tried to determine whether or not he was pulling her leg.

“The Sphinx.” She repeated.

He shrugged.

“You have never heard of a sphinx before?” She asked. “The noblest of all creatures born of the sky whose wit and intellect know no bounds?”

“Gee uh, that’s cool and all but um, I’m kind of in a hurry so can I pass?” Wally asked checking his watch.

“That remains to be seen.” The Sphinx sniffed haughtily. “In order to be deemed worthy you must pass a test administered by me. If you succeed then the way will be made known to you.”

“What kind of test?” Wally asked.

The Sphinx raised an eyebrow.

“Are- are you serious?” She asked. “I’m a Sphinx!”

“So?”

“So?” She repeated. “We Sphinxes invented the game of riddles!”

“You did? Cool!”

She snarled and wrinkled her nose in disgust.

“What do they teach you ponies in school nowadays?” She asked hotly. “This is basic stuff!”

“I got sick a lot.” Wally replied. “Okay, so then you’re gonna ask me questions?”

“Riddles!” She hissed. “A trial of three riddles!”

“What’s the difference?”

“A riddle is a clever question with an abstract answer!” She snapped. “A straight question is something stupid like “what have I got in my pocket” or “what is your favorite color?”

“An improbable number of watermelons and green.” Wally replied. “Yes! Two down!”

“The game hasn’t started yet!”

“Oh, my bad.” Wally nodded. “So how does this work? Do I get multiple choices, or life lines?”

“NO!” The Sphinx roared.

“Okay okay, be cool!” Wally said quickly. ”No need to get all bitey and mauly! So what happens if I get the questions wrong? Do I get a lesser prize or a ribbon of participation or something like that because I already got a bunch of those?”

The Sphinx grinned wickedly and took a few steps towards the pony so that she was only a few inches away from his face. He trembled as he felt her hot breath on his face and he got as close a look at her sharp white fangs as he would like.

“Bad ending.” She purred staring into his eyes.

The Sphinx vanished in a blur of movement and reappeared on a crystalline ledge above Wally’s head. Her tail lazily swished back and forth as she grinned down at him.

“The decision is yours to make Willy.”

Wally gulped and steeled his nerves.

“Fine!” He said defiantly. “I’ll take your dumb test! I’m not scared! And my name’s not Willy! Wrong vowel you big, dumb… cat!”

Her eyes twinkled and she let out a throaty chuckle.

“Very well…”

With a fierce roar she leapt from her perch and landed in front of Wally, the ground trembling beneath her weight. She remained crouched down so that she was eye level with the pony as she backed him into a wall.

“Once upon a time, there was a little green house. Inside of that little green house was a white house. Inside that white house was a red house and inside the red house were lots of tasty little babies.”

Wally gasped.

“Oh that’s easy! A watermelon!”

He pulled a melon out of his vest and took a huge bite, splattering the Sphinx with bits of pulp and juice.

“That is… correct.” She growled wiping her face. “But the first one is always easy! There are still two riddles left!”

“Kay!”

She scoffed and cleared her throat.

“The more there is, the less you see. Squint all you want when surrounded by me.”

Wally fell backwards on his rump and tapped his head with a hoof.

“Ow. Think, think, think. Think, think, think…”

A malicious grin slowly began to spread across the Sphinx’s face as Wally began to pace and mutter to himself.

“More there is… less you see…”

Then it hit him. Quite literally. Wally bumped his head on a section of low hanging crystal and cried out in pain.

“S-stupid darkness! Wait! It’s the dark!” He exclaimed.

The Sphinx winced and growled in anger. I was all just dumb luck! There was no way he’d be able to answer the third riddle! They never made it that far! These riddles were super hard!

“Alive as you but I draw no breath!” She roared. “As cold in life, as in my death! I never thirst but always drink, I am wrapped in mail but never do I clink!”

“Hm…” Wally said. “That’s a toughie alright…”

The Sphinx grinned and licked her lips in anticipation. Saliva ran down her maw like a river of hunger. Suddenly something splashed out of the water behind them. Wally turned and saw a little fish leap into the air before dropping back into the small pond with a splash.

“Aw look at the fishy!”

The Sphinx cursed violently and vanished in a puff of smoke as a section of the crystal wall opened up and revealed a path that led further into the vault.

“Did you see him?!” Wally asked turning around. “He was so- where’d you go?”

Wally stood alone in the chamber.

“Well that’s just flipping rude.” He muttered walking through the door with a frown.

-The Pony Scrolls-

Meanwhile, back in the castle, Bastian and the others were hard at work going through all the scrolls and documents. It was midday and though they had made great progress there was still a small mountain of scrolls sitting in the middle of the table. They had divided into two teams; Celestia would read a document aloud for Bastian and Twilight would read one aloud for Lielle, they would sign here and initial there and then hand them off to Spike to double check them and keep them organized. Bastian stretched and flexed his cramping hand with a frown as Twilight rubbed her head with a hoof.

“We can take a break if you’d like?” Celestia asked lowering her glasses from her muzzle. “If you are hungry I can have Woodstable bring us some sandwiches and tea.”

“I could go for a snack!” Spike said flashing a toothy grin. “Do you have any gems?”

“I’m sure we could find something for you to enjoy Spike.” Celestia laughed.

She gave the bell a ring and Woodstable appeared just as he had before.

“Yes ma’am?”

“Woodstable, could you please have Cookie Cutter prepare some of those cucumber sandwiches for us? And a pot of your tea would be wonderful. Oh, and a bowl of sapphires for Spike.”

“Yes ma’am.” He said with a bow. “It will be done.”

“Sapphires?” Lielle mouthed to Bastian.

The mage glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and gave a small shrug as Woodstable left the room. At the moment Bastian was more interested in studying the strange glyphs that served as the Equestrian alphabet that made up the newly drafted town charter, its name still blank. While he compared it to the Tamriellic version on the table Lielle cleared her throat uncomfortably before turning to the Princess.

“Uh, your majesty? Is there somewhere I can er, tend to a call from nature?” She asked.

“Of course.” Celestia nodded. “Twilight, would you care to show Lielle to the facilities?”

“Sure.” She said standing up. “I kinda gotta go myself. Bastian?”

“Hm? No, no. I’m fine.” He muttered.

“We’ll be right back.” Twilight said.

“Hold on! I gotta use the little dragon’s room too!” Spike said waddling after them.

Twilight smiled at Spike and opened the door with her magic, almost bumping into Princess Luna in the process.

“Oh! Princess Luna!” Twilight cried.

“Our apologies.” Luna said with a slight bow of her head. “We did not mean to startle thee.”

“Uh, not at all.” Twilight said. “We were just stepping out to use the bathroom.”

“Of course.” Luna said. “Do not let us keep thee.”

Luna stepped out of the way and let Twilight and the others pass. She entered the drawing room and closed the door behind her before trotting over to the table where her sister and Bastian sat. It took perhaps three full seconds for Bastian’s tired brain to remember that Princess Luna was, well, a princess and he stood up and gave her a bow which she returned ever so slightly before taking a seat next to her sister.

“Good morrow sister.” Luna said. “And to you Mister Bellrend.”

“Good morrow your majesty.” Bastian replied.

“It would appear that you all have been hard at work.” Luna said studying the documents on the table. “Thou should have awoken us sister. We would have given thee aid.”

“I figured you could use the sleep.” Celestia said with a smile. “Besides, you have never been overly fond of this aspect of royalty before.”

“It is a Princess’s duty to assist her royal subjects, both old and new.” Luna replied simply as she poured herself a cup of tea.

“I should have an accurate census for the two of you within the next few days.” Bastian said. “I was thinking we’d divide the labor amongst our people, some would work while others gave their information and then they would switch out.”

“A census is not much concern to us.” Luna said dropping a sugar cube into her tea cup. “Verily, we have both agreed that for the time being, shelter and food is of more import.”

“They’ve already made plans for resources such as lumber.” Celestia said. “Harvesting timber from the Everfree Forest seems to be the most convenient solution, which I already told them that we have no problems with.”

“We agree.” Luna said with a nod. “Although the forest can prove treacherous to the inexperienced adventurer, we feel that your people have already proven themselves capable after your encounter with the Serket beast. However, what is it that you plan on doing about your source of food?”

The Princesses had their suspicions regarding a certain problem that his people would face in this strange new land and they were curious as to how the young man would address the issue. The mage stared at the royal ponies from across the table for a moment, his expression neutral as he considered how to bring the issue to light.

“We have some preserved food in reserve that will last us until we can plant our own crops.” Bastian replied. “However your majesties, there is a matter I wanted to speak to you about while we have a moment to ourselves. Well, a few matters actually.”

“Oh? What’s that?” Celestia asked feigning ignorance as she poured herself a fresh cup of tea.

“Well,” The mage began carefully. “After seeing the aliments that the ponies provided for us last night, for which we are all very grateful, I assume that the two of you and the rest of your race are vegetarian? Well… our people simply aren’t.”

Straight to the point then? Luna thought. Thank the stars.

“Luna and I had suspected as much.” Celestia said with a small smile. “We did not want to make assumptions but some of those accompanying you have rather large tusks while others seem to be a form of bipedal cats and lizards.”

“The Khajiits and Argonians, yes.” Bastian nodded. “While not strictly carnivorous, both races do tend to lean more towards devouring meat. I was hesitant to bring this up at all after everything you both have done for us, for I did not wish to offend.”

“Not at all.” Celestia said. “I think I can speak for both of us when I say that it is a refreshing change of pace to have someone speak their mind in our presence.”

“It’s a simple fact of nature Mister Bellrend that some animals take sustenance by devouring the flesh of lesser creatures.” Luna said. “While we personally have no qualms with it, it is a bit of a… taboo in our society.”

“We ponies of Equestria have always lived in relative peace with other creatures.” Celestia said. “We nurture them and protect them. No, you will not find any butcher shops in Equestria.”

“Actually sister, that is not completely true.” Luna said.

Celestia raised an eyebrow at her sister.

“Oh?”

“There is an eatery here in Canterlot, run by Gryphon kin provide services to carnivores.” Luna said absently as she levitated a scroll to her face.

A moment of silence followed. Luna lowered the scroll and noticed her sister’s curious expression.

“They have good spaghetti.” Luna explained before returning to the document.

“I see,” Celestia said with an internal snicker. Perhaps it was exhaustion but the thought of her little sister eating a plate of spaghetti was simply hilarious to her. Maybe she needed a nap. “That may be something to look into. At any rate Mister Bellrend, a supplier of fresh meat will be something of an oddity in our land. There are many creatures here that are as intelligent as you or I, but there are others that our society refers to as… “feral” for lack of a better word, that is to say creatures that lack any form of sentience. As long as the creature in question cannot verbally protest you eating it, feel free to hunt what is needed but please, show the proper respect.”

Bastian imagined a cowering deer, tied and gagged as Shahk ran a knife along a sharpening stone with an evil glint in his eye. The mage blinked the macabre day dream away and nodded.

“Fair enough.” He nodded.

“Thou spoke of other matters that required attention.” Luna said. “What are they?”

“Well, previously when I spoke of not having any degree of wealth it appears that I… misspoke.” Bastian said. “Apparently, while I brushed off the need for gold and focused my attention on gathering resources with more practical applications my brother Bartleby had the foresight to request that a few of our own actually horde gold and other valuables to serve as our currency wherever the portal took us.”

-A few hours earlier…-

Bastian stepped out of the Carousel Boutique to find J’Dado and a Breton merchant named Belethor waiting for him outside. J’Dado sniffed mournfully and Belethor sighed.

“Come on.” The Breton sighed. “Get it out.”

Bastian watched with a bewildered expression as J’Dado pulled a chain around his neck from underneath his tunic. With a trembling hand he removed a key from it and gave it to Belethor, his hand fighting him every step of the way. The Breton took out a similar key from his pocket, inserted both of them into a treasure chest at their feet and opened it. The gold inside of the chest cast a shining glow on Bastian’s face. The mage raised an eyebrow as J’Dado sobbed into Belethor’s shoulder.

“J-just- Just take it!” The Khajiit howled. “Take it and go!”

-Now…-

Bastian placed a pair of gold septims on the table before the Princesses.

“If our “treasurers” are correct, we have somewhere around seventy six thousand septims, the currency of our land, in addition to three hundred pounds of gold ingots and a wide assortment of precious gems and raw ore.”

Celestia picked up the gold coins with her magic and examined them. They were easily twice the size of a modern bit but a bit cruder in their mint. The obverse bore the profile of Tiber Septim, and the reverse depicted a dragon. Engraved on the front of the coin around Tiber Septim’s head were the words “The Empire is law. The law is sacred.” and the back read “Praise be Akatosh and all the Divines.”
“That’s quite serendipitous for you Bastian.” Celestia chuckled as Luna examined the coins. “With this amount of wealth at your disposal your settlement will be well underway.”

Bastian gave her a forced smile and tried desperately not to think of what valuable supplies were left behind in the effort to carry that much gold through the portal. Oh well. Perhaps gold will be of more use in the long run now anyway.

“I just don’t know what to do with it.” Bastian admitted. “I’ve never seen that much gold before in my life.”

“Take it to the Canterlot bank.” Luna suggested. “They have some of the finest security in the land. The wealth of your people would be safe there.”

“I could not tell you the exchange rate for bits to “septims” but I’m sure that the bank will be happy to take the gold off of your hands regardless.” Celestia laughed. “What else is on your mind?”

“That is a bit more… difficult.” Bastian said. “There are those among us that have… special needs that need seeing to if they are expected to survive.”

“Other than eating meat?” Celestia asked.

“Yes.” Bastian said. “Specifically, I am speaking of the Argonians.”

“Those would be… the lizard-like creatures?” Celestia asked.

“Yes your majesty.” Bastian nodded. “They’re physiology is quite different from a man or a mer. Their whole race is dependent upon a special kind of tree known as The Hist. After an Argonian hatches they drink sap from the Hist trees throughout their infancy until they reach adulthood.”

“And we assume that these trees died with your home world?” Luna asked. “With the numerous measures thou hath taken to bring thy people here, surely thou had the foresight to bring a sapling or seeds?”

“Yes and no.” Bastian replied awkwardly, trying to consider his words carefully. “The Argonians brought a… “spore” with them to plant in a new world. My brother and I promised them that as long as they aided us they could do just that, however, I am not in any real position to make good on that promise considering the circumstances.”

“I have no problems with that.” Celestia said. “Luna?”

“Of course not.” Luna said. “Unless there’s something else?”

Her eyes narrowed slightly in suspicion and she studied the mage’s expression carefully.

“There is your majesty,” Bastian admitted. “But I do not feel comfortable talking about it since I myself know very little about the subject. Even back when the Empire was at its full power the Argonians have always been isolationists. We know very little about them as a people and even less is understood. Even during the last dragon war they kept to the relative safety of their homeland Argonia while the rest of Tamriel burned. It was them who sought us out in the end on their own accord. They came to us in Winterhold led by a Shadowscale called Gah-Juhl. Gah-Juhl said that when they left their homeland for Skyrim, their numbers were several hundred. They were those chosen to start a new life in a new world. By the time they reached us however, only about thirty remained. They aided us greatly in the end and out of respect I have left them largely to their own affairs, calling on them only when we needed them.”

“How did they know to seek you out in Skyrim?” Celestia asked.

“This is where it gets… complicated.” Bastian replied. “The… The Hist told them.”

The Princesses exchanged the subtlest of glances and kept a strong poker face, or as a citizen of Tamriel might call it, a Khajiit Grin.

“The Hist?” Celestia asked.

“Yes your majesty.”

“The trees?” Luna asked.

“That’s right.”

“How… How do you mean told them?” Celestia asked patiently.

“The Argonians believe that The Hist trees are fully sentient beings, capable of communicating with them through visions when they drink their sap.” Bastian replied. “They revere them with the same respect that humans and elves revere their gods, saying that The Hist were the original inhabitants of our world, long before the races of Men and Mer came to be. They believe that the Hist give them their souls and that when they die, their souls return to The Hist to be reincarnated into a new Argonian. I am a born skeptic your majesties and if there is any truth in this I cannot say. I also feel that I should tell you that The Hist themselves supposedly worship Sithis, which again is a subject I cannot fully explain but after everything you have done for us, I feel obligated to inform exactly what you may or may not be dealing with. What exactly Sithis is, is largely a matter up for debate. Personally I think that Sithis is just an outdated superstition, our ancestor’s personification of the void which exists between Mundus, our plane of existence, and the realms of Oblivion. The Hist and the Argonians by extension however believe Sithis to be an actual entity, a god of death and suffering. A being that lives in the void or perhaps is the void itself, I cannot be sure, that wishes to… “murder the world.”

Celestia and Luna’s faces paled and their eyes widened as they each felt a chill. Though they both thought the same thing it was Celestia who spoke.

“Superstition or not, why would any decent creature worship such a thing?” She asked in silent horror.

“According to the old stories it was Sithis, whose chaotic nature lead to the creation of… well everything. From him came the Aedra, our ancestors the gods and from them came creation. Without Sithis nothing would exist, so following that logic they believe Sithis to be the only god worthy of worship and reverence. Though Sithis was shunned in most civilized lands there were cults that worshipped him. Most notably among these cults was the Dark Brotherhood, a league of assassins that according to legend, murdered in his name, sending the souls of their victims back to void. Back to Sithis.”

“We… we do not understand.” Luna said. “If it was indeed Sithis who, even on accident, created thy world why would he wish to destroy what he made?”

Bastian could only offer a light shrug.

“As I said Sithis is often associated with suffering. You may see me as cynical but what is life if not a conduit for suffering?” Bastian asked. “At any rate, when I say that Gah-Juhl is a Shadowscale this means that he was hatched under the astrological sign of the Shadow, taken from his family, given to the Dark Brotherhood and trained in the art of assassination to serve their kingdom, which until I met him, thought was just an old legend. In the entire time that I’ve known him Gah-Juhl has always referred to himself as “the” Shadowscale, never “a” Shadowscale. I think… I think that something terrible happened in Black Marsh. The Hists are supposedly capable of manipulating an Argonian’s physiology and Gah-Juhl is unlike any Argonian I have ever seen. He is bigger, faster, and stronger than any of our warriors although when he and his people came to us he said that he was their guardian, charged with making sure that his people survive in a new world and that his days of wanton slaughter were over. Now, after telling you all of that, I would be remiss if I did not tell you the positives of their race. Most of the Argonians that I have met in my travels are just people trying to live their lives and many want the same things as everyone else. They are a reserved group and generally suspicious of strangers, which comes from a lifetime of slavery and discrimination by the other races but in spite of that the Argonians will fight to the death to defend the few they have come to call friend. I am not exaggerating in the least when I say that if it had not been for them and their aid we would not be here before you now.”

“That is… somewhat comforting Mister Bellrend.” Celestia said her voice heavy with caution. “But I must admit my sister and I feel... apprehensive about this.”

“As would I your majesties had I heard what just came out of my mouth.” Bastian agreed. True, the subject of murder lizards and death trees (however awesome that might be) didn’t instill a great deal of confidence; however the Princess did appreciate his honesty. “But please bear in mind that I know very little about them and everything I have told you is a very simplified version of the history of a culture that possibly predates everyone else’s.”

“I think it would be best if we spoke to this… “guardian” ourselves.” Celestia said. “From there we can decide their fate. Although it should go without saying that “wanton slaughter” will not be tolerated in our borders.”

“Absolutely.” Bastian nodded. “I assume that the laws of your land are the same as any civilized society. Do not steal, kill, maim, etc.”

“A wise assumption.” Luna deadpanned.

There was a brief silence and the three chuckled. Suddenly the door burst open and Lielle stumbled into the parlor followed by Twilight, Spike, and a rather disgruntled looking Woodstable.

“Bastian!” Lielle exclaimed, her blue eyes shining with excitement. “Bastian they- they have these- these porcelain bowls set in the floor with water that you go in and there- there’s this bit of cord that you pull and-“

Twilight sighed and clapped a hoof to her face in embarrassment as the princesses shared a chuckle at the girl’s excitement. Celestia recalled her own sister fleeing from the bathroom her first night back yelling something about sorcery. Woodstable placed a plate of sandwiches and bowl of large sapphires down on the table while giving the girl a disapproving look.

“Will there be anything else ma’am?” He asked. “Princess Luna, may I get you anything from the kitchens?”

“No thank you Woodstable. These will be fine.” Luna said.

“Thank you Woodstable.” Celestia nodded.

He bowed and took his leave.

“She played with the toilets for like fifteen minutes.” Spike laughed. “You’d think she had never seen a bathroom before.”

He picked up a gem from the bowl and took a bite out of it like a pony would an apple. As Bastian watched the dragon’s teeth grind the precious stone into rubble, he decided that was the most gluttonous display of decadence he had ever seen. He also discovered that he did not like cucumber sandwiches.

“I- uh…” Lielle paused as Spike popped the rest of the sapphire into his mouth and chewed greedily before he began to really dig in; chewing the gems with a noise that reminded Lielle of crumbling rocks. “I- I haven’t seen a privy like that before. We had self-cleaning chamber pots back at the college but we never had running water. No need for it really, we could just conjure fresh water whenever we needed it. The Imperials had the aqueducts in Cyrodiil that transported water all over the province but I’ve never seen anything like this.”

“I guess it’s something that we ponies take for granted.” Twilight said thoughtfully. “I couldn’t imagine not having something like running water. At any rate we’ll definitely have to get you guys flush toilets!”

“That would be amazing!” Lielle exclaimed.

“Using the latrine back on the farm in the middle of the night was always something of a gamble.” Bastian said. “There was no guarantee that you’d make it back to bed with the threat of wolves and frostbite spiders lurking in the dark.”

“Frostbite Spiders?” Twilight asked. “What are those?”

Lielle shuddered.

“I always hated those things.” She said. “They were native to Skyrim and they could grow to enormous sizes.”

“Uh…” Spike paused with a sapphire halfway to his mouth. “Just how enormous is enormous?”

“The hatchlings were perhaps a bit taller than you.” Bastian replied. “A brood mother could probably fit comfortably in this chamber. They typically made their homes in caves and ruins but would often leave them to hunt during the night.”

Spike’s pupils dilated as he imagined a massive spider reach over his shoulder, pick up a tea cup in its long hairy arm and sip it daintily. It then snatched Twilight up in its dripping mandibles and scuttled up the ceiling. Spike let out a yelp and jumped a little in his seat, knocking over his now empty bowl with a clatter. Why didn’t Bastian simply tell them they came from the deepest pits of his nightmares?

“So uh- these scrolls!” He said a little loudly as he rose to his squat little legs. “We uh, we got the important ones out of the way right? Think maybe we should call it for today?”

“I don’t want to take up to much of your time.” Bastian said to Celestia. “If it’s agreeable with you, I can take these with me and have them returned to you within a few days.”

“Yes, that will be fine.” Celestia said yearning for her bed. “That is if Twilight has no objections in assisting you with them of course.”

“Not at all!” Twilight said, always eager to help with paper work. “I’d be happy to help. That works out great actually, Shining Armor is probably off duty by now. It gives us time to catch up.”

“Excellent.” Celestia smiled proudly at her pupil.

Celestia rang the bell again and Woodstable appeared in the doorway.

“Yes ma’am?”

“Woodstable, would you please take these documents and see to it that they find their way into the appropriate hooves?” Celestia asked.

“Of course ma’am.” He said.

He picked them up in his silver magical aura and departed from the drawing room.

“Sister, did you speak with Bastian Bellrend about the issue we discussed last night?” Luna asked.

“Not yet.” Celestia replied. “I was waiting for you to be here for that.”

“What is it you require your majesties?” Bastian asked.

“Bastian, my sister and I discussed the matter at length last night and after spending time with you today, we have decided that we would like it to be you to take on the responsibility of overseeing the development of your people here in an official capacity.” Celestia said. “We would like to place you in charge of your people.”

“You mean like being the Jarl?” Lielle gasped excitedly.

“I think mayor might be more accurate in terms of power.” Twilight said. “But this is great news! Congratulations!”

“Since I am busy with the day to day affairs holding day court here at the castle, Luna has offered to oversee your progress.” Celestia said. “You would report directly to her regarding your progress and any concerns that you and your people may have.”

“I- We have?” Luna said quickly looking at her sister. “He will?”

“While she does hold her own court during the late hours of the evening, not many ponies can make it I am afraid so her schedule is open. It’s very generous of her wouldn’t you say?” Celestia said with a smile.

Bastian kept his expression neutral.

“I am… honored your majesty but I am afraid I must decline.” He said.

Twilight’s mouth dropped in horror. She half expected her new friend to be jettisoned to the moon on the spot for his insubordination. One does not simply say “no” to the Princesses! Twilight nervously looked up at the ceiling above Bastian’s head and calculated how fast he would have to be moving to break through it.

“What?” Lielle gasped. “But Bas why-

“I have no desire to lead or rule in any official capacity.” Bastian said to the Princess across from him, ignoring a confused Lielle and a near panicking Twilight. “I am here only as a temporary liaison between my people and you. There are many others among us that would be more suited to lead and I would be more than happy to recommend them to you.”

“We are confused.” Luna said coldly eyeing the brave ant across from her. Given that it was she who had suggested that they honor him with the duty of leading his people in the first place, his declination of the offer had touched a bit of a nerve. “Was it not you who came to us begging for protection on behalf of your people with tales of dragons and end times? Was it not you who led them to this land in the first place?”

“I never acted alone.” Bastian replied coolly. “It was my brother Bartleby who oversaw the day to day affairs of our camp. He was the one they turned to for guidance. I am merely a scholar, the one who did the research.”

“Bastian, we both know that that isn’t true.” Lielle argued. “Bartleby came to you for advice all the time. For Mara’s sake, you were practically making all of the big decisions yourself by the end anyway. What difference would it make if you lead our people now?”

“Lielle, it was easier to put my words in Bartleby’s mouth because he was a Nord of good standing. A fierce warrior, powerful and brave, he was everything they respect. The Nords turned to the College of Winterhold out of desperation and if not for him they may not have come at all. But now that that time has passed, I don’t think me leading them is a decision that will sit well with them. The Nords never trusted us like they did my brother or his blades and the stigma that comes with being a wizard is one I assume that will survive along with our people.”

Luna’s cold expression softened a bit. She could understand that. Hell, she was living it. Being met with nothing but fear and suspicion from those you are sworn to protect when you only want to help them. At least with her she had truly done something to earn the fear that was in the pony’s eyes when they would dare gaze upon her but for Bastian it seemed as simple as a matter of being who he was, not his actions.

“I am honored and humbled that you think so highly of me after we have only just met your majesties but believe me, this is best for everyone.” Bastian said.

“It appears that your mind is made up.” Celestia said. The warm tone in her voice was gone but she didn’t sound angry. Disappointed perhaps, like a parent that had expected more from her child. “I don’t suppose there is anything we could say to make you change your mind?”

“There isn’t your majesty.” Bastian said evenly.

“You are under no obligation to fulfill our request of course.” Celestia said. Twilight let out a cautious sigh of relief, having come to the conclusion that unless Celestia used magic to phase his body through to ceiling, or simply teleport him thought it, Bastian would most likely have turned into a splotch of red paste on the marble. “We both agreed that we would like to see you in charge because frankly, we know nothing about your people. The only two of your party we have directly spoken to are in this room and you have been nothing but forthcoming with us. You are honest, even if that honesty would work against you. This is a trait the two of us value greatly. To put it simply Mr. Bellrend, we trust you.”

Celestia sipped from her tea cup. The fact that it was actually empty went unnoticed.

“But I suppose it was not meant to be. You have been through a great deal and it would be unfair of us to ask you to shoulder more responsibility especially when you do not want it. You have fought long and hard, and have sacrificed much to get here. You have faced your trials in Tartarus Bastian and now it only makes sense that you desire a peaceful life.”

“I… appreciate your understanding your-“

“And it would be unfair to ask you to live up to your brother’s legacy.” Celestia continued. A bite of sandwich. Another sip of tea. Bastian’s eyes narrowed slightly. She booped the brother button.

“After all, from how you describe it, having you in charge simply would not be practical. No, thinking on it now I’m tempted to agree with you. It would be the easiest choice considering the circumstances. Better to have someone else in a position of power and making the decisions, someone that your people are comfortable with. Personally, I’d hate to see all my hard work go to waste, standing idly by while someone else, someone less experienced made all the difficult decisions, and something possibly going wrong. Then, it would be as if all your hard work and sacrifices would have been for nothing!”

Luna kept her expression neutral, fighting the urge to smirk while Bastian resisted the urge to frown. Instead he gave the Princess a tight smile as she nonchalantly sipped her tea.

“Princess Celestia,” Bastian began.

“Yes?” She asked giving him an innocent blink.

A few minutes later he, Twilight, Spike and Lielle departed from the parlor, their arms heavy with scrolls, among them the one that named Bastian Bellrend, for ceremony’s sake if nothing else, Jarl of their settlement and the land it sat on.

“She played you~!” Lielle whispered to him in a sing song voice.

“I know!” Bastian hissed vehemently.

With a small giggle, Celestia closed the door behind them and turned to face her sister.

“That was quite clever.” Luna said. “He was very adamant about refusing our proposal but you managed to manipulate him in the end.”

“I never manipulate our subjects Luna.” Celestia said taking a seat on her favorite cushion with a weary sigh. “I merely give them a nudge in the right direction. Besides it was your idea to put him charge anyway. I was ready to send a temporary dignitary to oversee the development, or perhaps simply merge the two counties together. Though I doubt Mayor Mare would appreciate me doubling her district and her work load.”

The Princess chuckled and refilled her teacup.

“This is fair.” Luna said with a slight frown. “However, we do not recall volunteering ourselves to directly aid in their construction.”

“No you didn’t.” Celestia agreed dropping an extra sugar cube into her tea.

“This would be one of your famous nudges we presume?” Luna asked.

“Correct.”

Celestia sipped her tea and let out a contented sigh. If she could only learn the name of that glorious pony who invented vanilla honeysuckle tea, she would award them the highest honor a Princess could bestow upon a pony. Luna gave her sister a tight frown and remained rigid in her seat as her sister finished her tea.

“Luna,” Celestia said gently. “I know that things have been difficult for you since your return. You’ve had a hard time adjusting to this modern world.”

Luna gave a heavy sigh and bowed her head. Celestia placed a gentle hoof on her sister’s shoulder and gave her a warm smile that comforted the Night Mare in a manner that only a close loved one could.

“I think this would be good for you sister.” Celestia said. “You’ve had some trouble connecting with your royal subjects and it is not at all for lack of trying. You should consider this a chance for a fresh start Luna. These people, these Nords do not know you, or your long forgiven transgressions. It’s a chance to really start over until you are confident enough to address the rest of your subjects. They need you Luna. I know you can do it.”

“You are right.” Luna said with a nod. She sniffed and looked up at her sister. “Of course you are right. If you think we can do it sister then… then we will. We just wish you would give us a full moment’s notice before you volunteer us for such a task.”

Celestia laughed and the two embraced. When they broke apart Celestia yawned widely and Luna laughed.

“Go to bed sister.” Luna chuckled. “You are exhausted. It is already affecting your decision making.”

“Ha ha.” Celestia said.

Her horn began to glow with a magical light the same color as the afternoon sun.

“If you insist. Just do me a favor and wake me for dinner if I am not up by then.” Celestia said.

“Of course. Sleep well.”

Celestia yawned again and vanished in a flash of light, leaving Luna alone. Luna took a steadying breath and walked out of the parlor.

Author's Notes:

I was much prouder of the "All up in Jarl's business" joke than I should have been. Hope you enjoyed it. This chapter was getting a bit long so I broke it into two parts. Hopefully I can have the next chapter posted by this weekend. Good night all.

Oh and yes, I realize that the exchange between Wally and The Sphinx was ripped directly from Adventure Time, but I think it's funny.