"Now stay back, Snails," Snips said, "And leave the ladies to me."

Snips and Snails hid behind the corner of their school building with their peeking eyes focused on the only view that mattered, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. They were in shadow, away from the shining sun, and watched as the two fillies talked while standing in the schoolyard. No other ponies were in the yard, leaving the grass Diamond Tiara and her friend stood on and the trees beside them as the only possible witnesses.

Snips held his stare at the plots in front of him for an extra second and turned to Snails who stood beside him so closely that their stomachs rubbed against each other. He took out a card and held it with his mouth. The card was red and on it were the words First Annual School Dance written above a golden image of a colt and filly in each other's hooves. "You finally ready to move up in life?" Snips said.

"Ah.... yeah?" Snails said.

Snips grabbed his friend by the face, "I said, are you ready?!"

"Yes?"

"Louder!"

"Yes."

"Louder!"

"Yeeeeees!" Snail's roar caused the two fillies in the yard to turn around for a moment.

"Maybe not that loud," Snips said, "But I'm liking the enthusiasm. Today's it, Snails; in just a few minutes we're going to have dates to the school dance... and you know what that means..."

"We won't get to dance with each other again?"

"No!" Snips yelled but then lowered his voice again, "It means that after the dance they'll be our girlfriends; that's just how this stuff works."

"Oooooh..." Snails paused, "Wait, why do we want girlfriends?"

Snips facehoofed twice; the second one was necessary. "You'll know why soon enough, buddy..." he went back to gazing at his soon to be fillies, "You'll know why... Give me the gel." Snails have him a squirt of mane gel which Snips stylized with, turning his mane into a halfly made greaser style which looked more like an oily mess than any real style.

"You sure you ready?" Snails said.

Snips shot a confident look at the two unsuspecting fillies, "Is Trixie great and powerful?" and began his march. His targets were still in conversation when he entered the schoolyard but turned to him as he approached them. He gulped, feeling his heart rate rise by the instant, Just play it like you practiced and they're all yours, but shut it down after shooting a glance at Snails. There was no turning back now. He came forth still holding up his version of a confident smile. "Hello..." he raised his eyebrows twice," Ladies."

"Hi..?" Diamond Tiara said. Her and Silver Spoon shot a confused look at each other. "What do you want?"

"It's not about what I want... but about what you want... what I can give to you," Snips stepped towards Diamond Tiara. She stepped back.

"Ahhhh..."

Snips took another step, "Baby..."

"Don't call me that," Diamond Tiara said in a worried tone.

Snips still had his face of confidence. They're already shaking! Now to go in for the kill! He took another step and began to stare at her with his lusty eyes.

"Silver Spoon, he's getting closer; do something," Diamond Tiara said.

"What do you want me to do?" Silver Spoon said, getting behind her friend.

"Don't get behind me!" Diamond Tiara jumped behind her.

"Hey! I was behind first!"

Snips paused, It looks like I'm losing them... guess the dreamy face didn't work. Oh! "Are you a library book, because I am checking you out!"

"That's it!" Diamond Tiara grabbed her friend and held her up like a shield.

"What?! No!" Silver Spoon struggled to return behind but was kept in the air by her friend's hooves.

"Shush and just stay there!"

Guess those aren't working either... Come on, Snips, remember your training. "Don't be scared, baby; I don't bite... unless you want me to."

Diamond Tiara screamed, "What are you saying?! Oh my Celestia just go before I get my dad's friends on you!"

"Thought you'd never ask," Snips said, looking more confident than ever. He bent down on one hoof and stared Diamond Tiara right in the eye, "Diamond Tiara, will you go to the dance with me?" Already aware of her answer, he then closed his eyes and waited for her angelic voice.

"What?! Oh my, just ew! Ew! Uwwwww! What is wrong with you?!" Diamond Tiara screamed.

Snips' eyes popped open, "W-What?"

"We need to leave. Now!" Silver Spoon said. Diamond Tiara nodded and the two of them began running away, leaving the greased up fat colt behind them on the verge of tears.

"Wait!" Snips ran after them. Think! Think! Think! "You're making a mistake! You don't know what you're missing! Come on... I can treat-."

"Just get away from me!" Diamond Tiara yelled. The two fillies ran faster.

"We're definitely getting a bodyguard!" Silver Spoon said.

Snips ran faster after them, "No wait!" but braked with his face down, frowning. "Oh who am I kidding..." He walked back to the school where a frowning Snails waited.

"I wonder what went wrong?" Snails said, "You did everything you said you would... You sounded so confident too!"

"Oh shut it, Snails," Snips sat down on his bottom, "It wasn't even my fault... Not my fault girls don't know how to pick anymore. I did everything that book told me to..." he kicked the grass and dirt, "Last time I go to the library for help... Knew that place was useless..."

"Who are you going to ask next?" Snails said, "We only have two months left, eh?"

"One..." Snips sighed, "I need a break... Let's just get outta here."

The two walked away from the school and to a nearby hill overlooking Ponyville. They arrived there with Snips still facing down but with Snails back to his normal self, like the disgrace at the schoolyard had never even happened. Snips picked his head up though when he saw the hill already inhabited; Spike sat at the top, gazing in the direction of the town with a frown all too familiar to the still greased up colt.

Spike turned around from the colts' hoofsteps. "Oh, hey guys," he said with a lifeless tone, "What are you guys sad about?"

"Girls..." Snips said. Him and Snails sat down. "I don't wanna see them, hear them or anything them anymore! I'm tellin' you, they're not worth it, no matter what supposed magical things you can do with them."

"Rejected huh?" Spike said.

"Yep," Snips glared, "I do everything I'm supposed to and they still say no! I'm telling you, it's just not worth it... Except for me I got the school dance coming up in a month!"

"Rough... who did you ask?"

"Diamond Tiara," Snails said, "And Silver Spoon for me... He said 'the mane would be good enough for both.'"

Spike chuckled, "Don't know why you're going after ponies like that... but hey, if that's what you're into." He went back to frowning, "I feel you though; I'm on the same boat as you guys... Any luck I had with Rarity just went down the drain for me."

"Why?" Snips said.

"Why don't you see for yourself..." Spike pointed at the town, straight in front of the hill. Snips looked at where the claw pointed at and saw Rarity sitting on one of the outdoor tables of a diner. Opposite to her sat an older stallion in what had to have been the finest suit Snips ever saw; the stallion made Rarity laugh with every word he said.

"Surprised this didn't happen sooner actually," Snips turned to the dragon, "How long have they been together?"

"Well technically they aren't dating yet," Spike said, "But just look at them... they're obviously going to! He's apparently some big Canterlot elite guy she met on a trip there... It's been like this for weeks now!" He faced down and sighed, "It's not like I ever had a chance anyway... It's been months and I'm not any closer than I was in the beginning."

Snips put his hoof over the dragon, "It's okay, buddy... I'd tell you to try another, but I know you really like her."

Spike glared, "You mean used to... If she's gonna treat me like I don't exist then I'm doing the same to her!" He shot a dirty look at Rarity, "I'm done with her."

"Yeah! Girls stink!" Snails yelled. The others gave him a blank stare. "Sorry, just wanted to be a part of the conversation."

"Yeah, girls do stink!" Snips said.

"Agreed," Spike nodded.

"Still though..." Snips looked down in sadness, "Be great if we could actually get one."

"We still have the book," Snails said.

"Book?" Spike said.

"You don't wanna know," Snips said.

Snails spoke up, "You think we're always going to be like this?"

Snips and Spike both froze and stared at one another. "No... no... Of course not!" they both said.

"I bet we could get a girl if we really tried," Snips said.

"Totally," Spike added, "If I hadn't been chasing after Rarity who knows how many I could've gotten by now."

Snips laughed, "Yeah... and if I didn't go after things like Diamond Tiara I'd be full of girls right now."

Spike laughed back, "We're basically our own worst enemies."

"I can still go after Silver Spoon, right?" Snails said.

"You can..." Spike said, "But do you really want to?"

"Yeah! In the time it'll take you to get one Silver Spoon who knows how many other ones you could've gotten!" Snips said, "I might bring three dates to the dance!"

"Ha!" Spike cracked up, "That's if there'll even be any left after I'm done." He shot a quick glare at Rarity.

"Snails could get more than you," Snips said. Snails nodded with an innocent smile. "I'm telling you... you shouldn't have got this conversation started, cuz now you'll be lucky if any girl remembers who you are after I'm done with them... I'll remember to leave some leftovers for you though... You like Twist?"

Spike raised an eyebrow, arms crossed, "Is that a challenge?"

"Actually, yeah!" Snips shot him a confident look, "I bet I can get more girls than you by the dance... easily!"

Spike laughed, also with a confident smile, "Alright... you're on!" and high hoofed Snips. "I don't even care about the dance but I'll use it as the deadline. It's supposed to be in a month, right?"

Snips nodded, "That's all you got... That is unless you need until next year's dance."

As the two continued, Snails cut in, saying, "I'm in this too, right?"

"Of course! Come on, Snails, we'll show him what our skills can do!" Snips said. "So... what are the rules?"

"The obvious," Spike said, "No love potions, love spells, paying bits... and you know... the mares that sometimes come out at night... you know... those."

"Of course you know about them," Snips said. He stuck out his hoof, "So we agree then? Thirty days... no cheating... winner is the one with the most?"

"Do we gotta have proof too?" Spike said.

"Yeaaaaaah..." Snips said, "Just bring something like a picture or a letter, doesn't matter."

"Fair enough... so what are we gonna wager?"

"Hmm....." Snips paused, "We'll think of that later; for now let's just get this started!" Snails put his hoof over his friend's with hesitation. Snips faced the dragon, "So you in?"

Spike glanced at Rarity one last time, "Yeah!" and put his hand into the pile.