’They forgave me my transgressions.’

The Agent, In Service of Nothing.

***

April 10th, human calendar 2027.

This is the last report of Special Agent Sweetie Drops, Canterlot Anti-Monster Division (former). I’m copying this down at least three times. Lyra - you may consider this my apology, and my last will and testament. Everything of military worth I leave to the Resistance to do with as they will. Everything else is yours.

They teach you that the first thing you should do is learn your priorities. You should always put country before ponies. Duty before friendship. They teach you that so that, when the day comes you must kill your friends or watch them die, you will not flinch.

I flinched. And maybe I should have flinched sooner.

It is best if I begin at the beginning.

It had been seven years since the Bugbear escaped from Tartarus and the agency was shut down when the Equestrian Exodus began, in secret. I was hesitant about joining the Exodus from the beginning - those who knew ‘Bon Bon’ thought it was simply a reluctance to leave home, or maybe a dislike of the humans. neither was strictly accurate - the Bugbear might escape from Tartarus at any moment, and somehow find a way to locate me and hurt me and the ones I cared about. I couldn’t allow that to happen.

Furthermore, there was still my loyalty to Princess Celestia - she demanded that the agency be shut down, but every single agent still had to be accountable, be locatable - we couldn’t risk failing her if ever she - and by extension Equestria - needed us. Eventually, though, I reasoned that escaping to another world might be a way for me to avoid the Bugbear. As well as that - though it sickened my heart to realise it - I could report on the Exodus for the Princess, tell her what was going on, what ponies were planning. I sent messages reporting on the progress of the Exodus through the usual channels, but received no reply. At the time, I didn’t understand why. Now I wonder whether it was a symptom of the Princess’s loss of reason, the same loss of reason that has now led to her…

I’m getting ahead of myself.

Things continued to get stranger in Equestria - the Converted became more and more common, and indeed in some respects began to outnumber the natural-born ponies. Reports of colonisation efforts came to my attention, and this made me… not merely worried, but confused. It didn’t seem like Celestia, for want of a better way to put it - not that I suppose I ever really knew her that well, but my job includes the ability to be a good judge of a pony’s character. It was during this time, however, that I received a letter from Twilight Sparkle of all ponies, a message from the Princess. She ordered me to keep an eye on the Exodus, to report anything overly suspicious to her. This, too, confused me, but I sent back confirmation.

As I had predicted, the Exodus eventually left Equestria and reached Earth. The final catalyst for the Exodus would be the declaration of Empire - the day that Princess Celestia declared herself Astra Solamina Maxima… and the day she declared war on the last humans. This made no sense - previously any directives on the humans had been, as far as I was aware, that they were allies. Why were we not endeavouring to help them? Still, it wasn’t my place to question the Princess… the Empress.

We left where we were behind, fleeing into Doctor Hooves’ machine (which I have yet to fully begin to comprehend, though that has ceased to be a priority) and making our way, in fits and starts, by his machine and by little boats, to the city of Hull in the United Kingdom, part of the Islands of Great Britain and Ireland that had survived the Barrier, and so offended the Empress. Somehow the Doctor, Cheerilee and Lyra managed to do… something, something that resulted in the creation of the Equestrian Resistance. As in all things, I reported on these developments to my handlers, sending the mail by specialist means I was taught during my training. Then, by those same means, I received my orders.

For the first two years of the war, I have passed information to Equestria concerning key strategic locations. I will not go into detail here about the war itself. Others have said more than I need to. Lyra and I were acquainted with more than a few of the humans, but in all that time none of them ever suspected what I was doing. Until… well, now, for you who are reading this.

My actions should not be underestimated: Lancaster fell because of me. Hundreds of smaller villages were wiped out or stolen away because of what I did. Attacks in Hull and Whitby - the latter claiming one of Lyra’s human friends - could be laid at my feet. Human advances were countered by ideas I suggested, based on information I learned or stole. And never once did the thought cross my mind that I had done the wrong thing.

And then I saw Manchester.

It is difficult to describe to you what happened in that place if you did not see it. Somehow, the Harmonious Order, the pinnacle of the Empress’ fleet (and perhaps the largest Zeppelin ever built), was brought down by one mare and some C4. Embarrassing, to be sure, but it was - if I may use a human phrase - the straw that broke the camel’s back. I knew that mare - as I had come to know many of the ponies on the Exodus.

They teach you that the first thing you should do is learn your priorities. You should always put country before ponies. Duty before friendship. They teach you that so that, when the day comes you must kill your friends or watch them die, you will not flinch. Now, though, finally… I flinched. I shrank away from the death and destruction I had caused and allowed to happen. I fled in terror while remaining calm on the outside, the perfect grieving friend. I drank myself into stupors, took a leave of absence from my governmental duties, and I finally looked… really looked… at what I had done.

Numbers meant nothing to me before, and it was not numbers that I thought of now. I had caused the death of a man named Sam Lake at Whitby, seen David Elliot, his best friend, become harder and colder. I had caused the attacks that forced Lyra to, again and again, march into hell, kill ponies… when all she had ever wanted was to create, to heal... I saw Ditzy Doo die, and in the seeing I knew… I knew totally and utterly… that I had done the wrong thing - for Equestria, for humanity, for ponykind.

May the pony God we swear by save my soul.

It has taken me over a year to arrange suitable recompense. I leave this note for Lyra. I enclose a copy for the Council, as well as any information I have concerning Solaminan movements. I only regret it is not more.

Tonight I leave for a rendezvous long in the arranging. I will return to Equestria and speak with my handler. And I will kill him. Then I will kill anypony else who stands in my way between him and the Empress herself. I do not expect I shall succeed - there is a difference between combating a bugbear and combating a nigh-immortal Alicorn - but I have to try.

Lyra. I am so sorry. Know that everything I did, I thought I was doing for you. Forgive me my transgressions… and accept my choice now. If I do not try to end this war, however I can, then all I have done will truly be for nothing.

Agent Sweetie Drops, signing off.