“—get my revenge for the troubles you two have caused me!”

Spike held up his hands defensively then said, “Whoa, Regal. Take it easy. No need to get so worked up over being trapped in a party.”

“A party?” Regal spat. “You think I’m this upset over a party? Do you have any idea how many years of planning you and your pink friend have ruined?”

“I’m sorry, Regal,” Pinkie said as she rolled upright. “I didn’t realize you wanted to be an announcer so bad.”

“Announcer?” Regal was taken aback. He looked around wildly. “You two have no idea what you’ve done, have you? This whole thing? It was all just a front to get into the stadium before the competition started.”

“So you were an impostor all along,” Spike said angrily.

Pinkie looked confused. “Wait a minute. I threw a party for an impostor? Oh! Did you like it?”

Regal glared at Pinkie for a long time before speaking. “Yes,” he admitted. “It actually was enjoyable. At least until that pile of rocks started mouthing off.”

“Rocky can be a little abrasive until you get to know him.”

“Enough!” Regal roared. “That doesn’t matter. What does matter is that, through your bumbling antics, you two have ruined the jewel heist of the century. It was all going so well. Snuggle Cakes and I had spent the past four years posing as announcers, slowly crawling our way to the top. But it was worth it! With how famous we had become, we were instantly chosen to host the WBEs this year. That is until your champion friend started begging Madam Soufflé to let you have our spots. I thought such a thing laughable, but then you actually managed to take our places. Luckily, we had a stallion working on the inside. With a little mix-up of the paperwork, Snuggle Cakes and I were still able to get in under the guise of being the actual announcers.

“It was all going so well. We had already found one of the null-stones and had learned the location of the second. Then Snuggle Cakes decided to betray me for his ill-conceived takeover attempt of Equestria. It all fell apart after that.”

Regal looked downcast. Spike and Pinkie glanced at each other. “So, it’s been a pleasure hearing your life story,” Spike said. “But what’s this about taking revenge on us?”

“Oh, yes,” Regal said, brightening up. “Thank you for reminding me.” He reached to his side and drew a sword.

Spike held up his hands and backed away. “Regal, uh... don’t you think you’re being a bit extreme? I mean, Snuggle Cakes was the one that got taken away, not you.”

“Snuggle Cakes acts tough, but he’ll crack as soon as they ask if he’s comfortable. Even worse, he’ll try to pass the blame of his stupid takeover attempt on to me! It’s only a matter of time before the royal guards are after me. If I’m to spend the rest of my life in a dungeon, then I’m going to take you two out first.”

“Oh, can we go bowling?” Pinkie asked.

“I mean I’m going to take you two down.”

Pinkie looked over the edge of the announcer’s booth, then looked back at Regal with a raised eyebrow.

“I mean I’m going to stab the two of you with the sharp end of my sword until I start to feel better.”

“Oh. Then I guess there’s only one thing to do,” Pinkie said, then bit onto Spike’s tail and flipped him onto her back. She then leapt out of the announcing booth’s window. “Wheee!”

Pinkie landed in an empty seat below and jumped to the next row. Regal yelled after them and gave chase. He took the slower, safer, and saner route of going down the stairs. After a few jumps, and an ever tightening grip from Spike, Pinkie bounded over the railing and onto the field. She ran towards the band and dove in between the rows of musicians.

Loud squawks and snapping strings could be heard as Pinkie traversed the length of the band and emerged from the other end, wearing a sousaphone. She ran to the center of the field and spun, dropping Spike to the ground.

“Ow. Pinkie? Why’d you stop running? We were losing him!”

“Losing him?” Pinkie said with a confused look. “Why would we want to do that?”

“Oh, I don’t know... maybe it’s his pointy sword that he personally wants to show us exactly how sharp it is? We need to keep running and find a guard, or an expert swordspony to help us. Preferable a guard who is also an expert swordspony, but beggars can’t be choosers.”

“What? No, no, no, Spike. That won’t solve our problem at all. What we need to do is have a battle. This field is much better for that then our cramped booth,” Pinkie said, matter-of-factly. She then looked Spike up and down. “Spike! Where’s your weapon?”

“My what?”

“Your weapon! You were supposed to grab one when we ran through the band. Don’t you know anything about epic life-or-death battles?”

Spike rubbed a hand up and down his opposite arm. “No,” he admitted sheepishly.

Pinkie sighed and turned towards the band that was trying to pull itself back together minus one trampled sousaphone player. “Hey, baton-stick guy!” she yelled.

“I’m a conductor,” the conductor said.

“Throw your conductor-stick thing over here so Spike has a weapon!”

The conductor looked down at his baton tied around his hoof then back at Pinkie. He shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

The baton flew through the air, and Spike caught it. He gave a couple practice swings to get the feel of his ‘weapon.’

Regal came out from around the band and slowed as he approached Spike. He was sweating hard and had a fierce look in his eyes. “No more running. It’s time we end this,” he growled.

Sensing the coming battle, the band started playing an upbeat and gripping arrangement. The musical ponies started marching and spread out into a large circle, surrounding the three combatants. Pinkie nodded approvingly, then looked at Regal.

“Okay, Spike,” Pinkie said. “Because this is your first life-or-death battle, I’ll be letting you do most of the work.”

“What?” Spike said as he turned towards Pinkie. “That doesn’t seem like a good idea at all!”

“Spike! Watch out!”

Regal struck with his sword. Thanks to Pinkie’s warning, Spike had enough time to dodge out of the way. Pinkie rushed forward while taking a deep breath. She blew into the sousaphone as hard as she could. Regal winched and backed away.

Pinkie hopped back to Spike’s side. “Always keep your attention on the enemy. Otherwise you’ll provide attacks of opportunity.”

“Attention. Got it!”

“Now then, both Regal and I attacked, so it’s your turn. You can either attack or use an item. Since this is your first battle—and you have no items—I suggest just doing a basic attack.”

“R-right!”

Spike ran forward and swung at Regal. Regal expertly parried Spike’s baton and followed through with a riposte. Spike did what he could to parry or dodge Regal’s attacks, but it soon became apparent he was in way over his head, and Regal was just toying with him.

“Pinkiiiee,” Spike whined. “I need some help here. Hit him with your tuba or something!”

“It’s a sousaphone.”

“I don’t care what it is. Just hit him with it!”

“I can’t. It isn’t my turn yet!” Pinkie said. “Oh, wait! Now it is!”

Pinkie ran forward again. Regal sensed the coming attack and turned towards her. A downward slash of his blade and Pinkie’s sousaphone fell to pieces.

Pinkie gasped. “Oh, no! He de-sousaphoned me! Keep fighting, Spike. I’ll try to use my ultimate attack next turn.”

Spike used the opening to resume his attack on Regal. He then remembered that he had no idea what he was doing, and he probably should have used the opportunely to flee. Regal met Spike’s attack and began to back him towards the edge of the circle.

“I don’t think I’m going to survive until your next turn,” Spike said with exhaustion. Regal was purposefully tiring him out, humiliating him in front of the audience before finally finishing him.

Pinkie tapped her hoof to her chin. “Hmm... maybe you could try insulting him?”

Spike ducked under Regal’s blade. “How in Equestria... could that help?”

Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Spike, think! He’s an earth pony, so he has to hold his sword in his mouth. If you insult him enough, he’ll have to counter-insult you. When he does, his grip will be weakened, and you can use that to your advantage.”

“Oh... that’s actually a really well thought out plan,” Spike said, then glared angrily at Regal. “Hey, Regal! You, um... you... you fight like an earth pony?”

“And you fight like a baby dragon waving a baton like you think it’s a sword,” Regal said as he quickened his attack.

Pinkie tsked and shook her head. “Try again, Spike. And really insult him this time.”

Spike tried to think of an insult while attempting to avoid getting skewered. “Okay then... I’m... I’m gonna mop the floor with your sorry hide!”

Pinkie hoofed her forehead.

“Trying to steal the janitor’s position next?” Regal lunged and knocked Spike down. Spike got to one knee and continued to fight.

“Oh yeah? Well then... I’m going to clean your clock.”

“Is that why you’re waving your baton like a feather-duster?” Regal knocked the baton from Spike’s hand. It twirled through the air and stuck into the ground next to Spike. The band’s music began to turn ominous.

“Oooh, he got you good, Spike,” Pinkie said. “Maybe you should leave the insult sword-fighting to the pros?”

“Not. Helping. Pinkie.”

Regal laughed. “I wish I could say this was fun, but it wasn’t. Goodbye, lizard.” Regal turned his head and thrust his sword at Spike, stabbing it into Spike’s shoulder.

Regal laughed harder, but his voice died out when Spike merely cleared his throat.

“Thick scales,” Spike said, completely unharmed. “I didn’t even feel a thing.”

A panicked look came over Regal. Spike grabbed the baton and stabbed it at Regal’s neck.

Regal sighed. “You’re using a baton. It isn’t even sharp.”

In a stalemate, the two glared at each other.

“Spike,” Pinkie yelled. “Use fire breath attack!”

Spike grinned at Regal, took a deep breath and breathed fire. Regal backed away and used his mouthguard to try and deflect the flames. His sword quickly started glowing red. Regal dropped it.

“Ow! Hot! Hot!” Regal said with his tongue sticking out. He then stepped on something slippery and flipped onto his back. He watched an object fly into the air, then come back down and hit his face. Regal blinked against the stars he was seeing and turned towards the object that had hit him. “Soap?” he questioned.

“My turn!” Pinkie yelled as she fell through the air towards Regal.

Spike cringed as Pinkie unleashed her ultimate attack against Regal. A cloud of dust was kicked up, and Spike could only briefly see a flash of pink appear from time to time. From the sounds of the struggle, Regal was not having a good time.

Finally, the sounds died away, and the dust began to fade. The band finished their song, and the audience applauded. Spike looked around and bowed. Pinkie landed next to him. “All done,” she announced as she dropped a marker.

Regal was lying on his back, struggling. His legs were hogtied together by the strings of balloons that were floating above him. His muzzle was wrapped in rubber bands, and somepony had written down the side of his face and neck in permanent marker ‘Meany Beany Jamboreeny’.

Spike laughed. “Told ya she knew how to use them,” he said then looked up as he heard the approach of pegasus wings.

A group of royal guards landed in the field. “There he is,” the commander said. “Thought you could pull the slip on us, eh, Regal Din? Your partner told us all about the jewel heists you’ve been pulling this past decade. Secure him good boys. We’ve got a dungeon waiting for him in Canterlot.”

The commander turned towards Spike and Pinkie. “That’s twice in one day you’ve helped us,” he said. “As soon as the princesses return to Canterlot, I’ll let them know of your deeds. For your bravery in the face of danger, I’m sure you will get presented with medals.”

Spike beamed happily, and Pinkie ruffled his spines.

“Now, if you’ll excuse us,” the commander said. “We have one bad pony to take way.”

Regal opened his mouth wide and snapped the rubber bands. “Mark my words baby dragon and pink pony!” he yelled as he was being flown away. “You haven’t seen the last of me!”

“I’m sure glad we’ve seen the last of him,” Spike said.

Pinkie nodded. “Me too.”

Spike looked around at the audience and grinned. “I hope everypony enjoyed our special performance,” he said. “And now back to the Manehatten Marching Band!”

Author's Notes:

← I want to choose another intermission Onward to Chapter Twenty-Five →