Trixie was feeling annoyed that the announcers hardly put any emphasis on her title. She was alone on stage as all the other ponies went to their places. The announcers were prattling on about the rules. Bake fast, do something amazing. That was all they needed to say. Trixie wanted to hurry up and bake. She was glad she would be going first. Between the other contestants and the halftime show, her bad luck might have time to recharge.

“Trixie, what will you bake for us?” one of the judges asked once the announcers went silent.

Trixie stepped forward. “I will bake—” she started to say. The floorboards creaked, and her front leg broke through. She stumbled and landed on her face. The audience roared with laughter, but Trixie kept her cool. They wouldn’t be laughing for long. She got up and moved away from the hole. “I will bake bread,” she said.

“An interesting choice,” Spike said. “Most bakers go with the sweet baked goods. Not only that, but bread takes time to rise if it’s to be made properly.”

“I’m sure Trixie has a well-thought-out plan,” Pinkie said. “Otherwise this would be a pretty crazy decision.”

Trixie did not have a well-thought-out plan. Her plan was simple: bake something. The bad luck would take over from there.

One of the unicorn judges levitated a stopwatch. “Miss Trixie, are you ready?”

“Yes.”

“Go!”

Trixie rushed to the shelf full of ingredients and began grabbing the things she would need. She placed them on the countertop and didn’t bother with being orderly. She poured a small amount of water into a cup, added a spoonful of sugar, and then a spoonful of yeast.

A wind blew through the stadium. It only lasted a few seconds, but it was biting cold. A hush fell over the audience. Trixie poured the flour into a bowl. The bowl suddenly lurched violently. Trixie watched as the bowl slowly rocked back and forth until it came to a stop. She measured a cup of milk and added it to the flour. Again, the bowl lurched, moving a few inches down the countertop.

“Whoa. I don’t think I read about any tricks where the bowl moves like that,” Spike said.

“I have! It’s all here in my copy of Bad Bakers Bad Baking Basics: A Reference Guide. Check under ‘M’ for moving bowl,” Pinkie said.

“Now that is a thick book. Who would actually write this much about bad baking ponies? Oh well, let’s see what Trixie does with her moving bowl.”

“Besides stare at it nervously!”

Trixie watched the bowl. The milk wasn’t curdling or smoking. Everything looked the right color. The bowl just kept jumping whenever she added something to it. It was like it was trying to go somewhere. She had a suspicion and decided to test it by adding the next ingredient. Again, the bowl moved. Now, she knew where it was going. She bit onto the cup she had set out at the beginning.

The cup full of water, sugar, and bubbling yeast felt like a great weight in Trixie’s mouth. The bowl wanted it. It demanded it. She began to sweat. This was it. This is what the bad luck was waiting for. She poured in the yeast mixture and dropped the cup.

“It, uh... it appears we’ve gone into the cowering in fear portion of Trixie’s performance,” Spike said.

Trixie slowly opened her eyes and got up to take a peak above the countertop. Nothing had happened. She stood up straight and looked at the bowl. What was she missing? Unless... Trixie bit onto a spoon and began to stir the mixture.

The stirring was hard. It was like the dough didn’t want to move. After a few times around the bowl, the spoon got stuck. Trixie tried to move the spoon but only succeeded in moving the bowl. She let go and stared at her dough in frustration. Then she noticed movement.

The dough was expanding, and the spoon started to wobble. The spoon moved until it touched Trixie’s muzzle, it then reared back and whacked her. Trixie winched in pain and took a step back. The bowl hopped towards her and swung again. Trixie dodged and stared angrily at the dough.

“Oh? Is that how you want to play? Well, let Trixie show you how it’s done,” Trixie said as she glanced around her cooking station. Then she spotted what she needed. Trixie bit onto a spatula and held it at ready. “En garde!”

The dough rose and changed into an arm holding the spoon. The arm swung, and Trixie met the attack. The sounds of metal on metal could be heard as Trixie fenced against her dough. The audience stared on in silence.

“Spike?” Pinkie said. “Shouldn’t we be doing some commenting?”

“I... don’t understand what’s happening.”

Trixie smiled as she attacked. The dough was good, but she was better. Being confined to a bowl limited its movements, and soon Trixie had the upper hoof. The dough swung wildly, hoping to catch her off guard. Trixie responded by ducking and then lunging forward. She struck at the base of the spoon, and with a flick of her neck, she sent it flying into the air.

The spoon clattered to the stage. Trixie set her spatula down on the counter and laughed. “You fought well, but you were hardly a worthy opponent,” she said. “Only an imbecile would challenge me to a... a... spoon spatula... fight thing. No matter. Once again, the Great and Powerful Trixie is triumphant. Now it’s time for some misbehaving dough to go in the oven.”

The dough placed its arm on the counter and pushed itself over the edge. The bowl landed upside down with a splat. Trixie rolled her eyes and began to reach for the bowl but stopped when it started to rise. The dough expanded. More limbs appeared as it grew and grew until it stood five times as tall as Trixie. The creature reached up with a massive arm and removed the bowl from its head. It looked at the bowl for a second before flicking it away and staring down at Trixie with its hollow eyes.

Trixie suddenly wished she had just paid for the stupid herbal bath. Then she would be enjoying a week-long vacation instead of staring up at a giant gorilla-like thing made of dough that she had been taunting only moments before. The dough creature beat its chest while it roared. Trixie took a step back. She could always flee. Surely being disqualified would be better than fighting this... thing.

The creature made a fist and swung down at Trixie. Instincts took over, and Trixie dove out of the way. The stage cracked and splintered where the creature’s fist had impacted. The creature swung again and once more she dodged. Trixie spotted an opening between the creature’s legs and ran for it. The creature bent over and reached for her, its giant hand following her between its legs. The hand snapped shut and grabbed onto Trixie’s tail. She yelped and kept trying to run. The creature refused to let go, and soon, its arm became overextended and it lost its balance.

Into the air the creature’s leg rose as it flipped over onto its back with a crash. Trixie was free. She ran out of the creature’s reach and turned around. She quickly thought up a plan. The creature looked stunned but wouldn’t be for long. Trixie leapt onto the countertop and began to run down its length. She reached down and bit onto her spatula. She turned toward the creature and jumped into the air. The creature looked up at her with its sunken eye sockets. It reached out but was too slow. Trixie angled the spatula down and used the force of her fall to drive it into the creature’s chest.

The creature roared and thrashed about. Trixie was hit by a flailing limb and knocked to the end of the stage opposite the creature. She laid there panting as the creature went through its death throes. Then the creature stopped roaring, stood up, turned towards her, plucked the spatula from its chest, flung it away, and growled at her. Trixie groaned. Of course, it didn’t have anything vital in its chest. It was made from dough.

Trixie rolled over. It was time to flee. She began to crawl off the stage when she spotted something. Something that was just crazy enough to work. She reached for it and bit on to it.

The creature swung its arm, and Trixie rolled out of the way. When its hand impacted the stage, Trixie bit onto the trigger of the fire extinguisher she was holding. The foam sprayed the arm, and the creature roared in pain. It tried to pull away but its arm was stuck, ice beginning to form around it. The creature pulled back hard and, with a cracking sound, was free. It growled at Trixie and then looked at its arm, or rather where its arm had once been. A look of surprise came over the creature as it looked back to the stage and its still frozen arm stuck to it.

Trixie had it where she wanted it. She ran forward, fire extinguisher spraying. The foam was aimed towards the creatures head first. Once blinded, it began to swing and move erratically. A quick spray to one of its feet and the creature fell to its knees. Trixie bit hard and sprayed everywhere. The creature soon stopped moving and making noise but Trixie didn’t stop spraying until the fire extinguisher was empty.

With the fire extinguisher exhausted, Trixie tossed it to the side. The creature was frozen in a layer of ice. She walked up to it, turned, and bucked it as hard as she could. Cracks formed where her hooves impacted and quickly began spreading up the creature. Hundreds of tiny fractures came from the cracks until the weight of the frozen creature could no longer support itself. The creature shattered. The frozen pieces washed over Trixie as she fought to remain upright. When the wave of frozen dough had passed, she looked up.

Where the creature had been was a pedestal. Atop the pedestal were three ponies carved from dough; an earth pony, a unicorn, and a pegasus. They seemed to be frolicking in a field all chasing after one another. Their faces held expressions of pure joy. A thin crack formed up the pedestal, and then it too shattered, destroying the beautiful carvings.

Trixie bit on to the largest chunk of frozen dough near her, opened her oven, tossed the dough inside, and shut the door. “Done,” she announced to the silent stadium.

The sound that was heard next was unique, for it was the first time in Equestria’s history that it had been made. It was the sound of nearly ten thousand ponies, each with their jaws dropped, shutting their mouths nearly simultaneously. The sound that was heard after that was made many more times that night. It was the sound of cheering and a thunderous applause.

“Wowee! That was amazing! That was the most spectacular bad baking I’ve ever seen!” Pinkie said. “I mean. I haven’t seen much bad baking, but come on! How can anypony top that?”

“Er... yes, Pinkie. It truly was amazing. However, Trixie did take a long time subduing her... dough monster. That could cost her some points.”

Trixie’s oven groaned and opened. A tray with a burnt looking oval of bread slid out.

“And we have bread!” Pinkie said. “Or maybe a loaf of toast? An oblong hockey puck?”

“Only one way to find out, Pinkie. Send in the taste tester!”

The audience cheered as a nervous looking pony stepped onto the stage. He looked at Trixie, who had moved the tray with a mouth mitt onto the countertop. He walked up to the burnt loaf of bread and sniffed it. He then attempted to take a bite and winched in pain when his teeth struck the hard surface. He raised a hoof and struck the dough. After a few minutes of hopping around in pain, the taste tester was staring at the bread. He then shrugged and licked the bread. Almost instantly his face scrunched up in displeasure, and he began spitting out the taste.

“Iff’s immedible,” he said, then a look of panic came over him. He started poking his tongue that was hanging limply from his mouth.

“We have a numb tongue! The bread is inedible!” Spike yelled to the approval of the audience.

“Not only that, but unless that pony soon regains feeling in his tongue, we have lost our first taste tester!”

“Let’s see how the judges feel. Looks like a... five, five, five, five... four?”

“It wasn’t a perfect score? Then what is a perfect score?”

“I... don’t want to know. Still, a twenty-four is a very good score. Trixie can only hope that her time score will be equally impressive, but we won’t know that until all the other competitors get their turn.”

“Speaking of other competitors, it’s time for Royal Blue on stage number two! It looks like stage number one needs a nice long vacation.”