A couple of months later, it was getting close to Fall. Me and the guys were just walking around, and that's when we came to what appeared to be some sort of outside game competition.

I saw Twilight and Spike hanging out with Applejack and Rainbow Dash. I went up to them and said, "Um...mind telling me what's going on here?"

Applejack then answered, "We're havin' ourselves an Iron Pony competition."

And Rainbow Dash added, "To see who's the best athlete in all of Ponyville."

And Twilight added, "And I'm keeping score."

And Spike added, "And I'm announcing it."

After all that, I said, "All right, and who's the referee?"

They were all like, "Who's that?"

"The referee," Jonathan explained to them for me, "You know, that guy who makes sure that all the players are playing fair."

Applejack then said, "Well shoot, I guess we could use one of them."

"Yeah, but's who gonna want to constantly make sure nopony's cheating throughout the entire game?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"I'll do it."

They were all like, "You?!" after I decided to volunteer.

"Why not? I ain't got anything better to do." I stated. "In fact, since I'm going to be a referee, then I might as well look like one." I then did one of those flash forwards--you know, that thing you usually see on TV when they want to skip to a certain part by flipping the screen very quickly--and then I found myself wearing a referee outfit. "Done!"

"What the Hell! How did you do that?" Jonathan exclaimed.

"Beats me," I told him, "I see Pinkie Pie do fucked up shit like this all the time, so I figured that I could do that sort of stuff as well."

"Yeah, but how did you do it though?" Andrew asked me.

"Well, I pictured myself in a referee outfit, I flash forward, and boom; I'm in a referee outfit."

Applejack then turned to Rainbow Dash and said, "Anywho, now that that's been taken care of, what say we get this here competition goin'?"

And to that, Rainbow Dash said, "You're on."

The first round of the games was some kind of running course; basically Applejack and Rainbow Dash were going to see who can run the fastest without touching a single barrel. Applejack was the first to start; she was doing pretty fine until I caught her bumping a red barrel. When she asked for the time, Spike told her, "Seventeen seconds."

Applejack was very excited to hear that, that is until I pointed out, "Hold on, Applejack had bumped a red barrel. Therefore, she receives a five second penalty."

Upon hearing this, she was like, "Nuts and chews!"

It was then Rainbow Dash's turn; but before she even started, I said, "Hold it, let me get my video camera." I took it out of my pocket, turned it on, and said, "OK, go!"

Rainbow Dash had ran so fast that she appeared to be some kind of lightning bolt! When she asked for the time, Spike told her, "Eighteen seconds."

She was very excited until I said, "Now hold your horses everyone."

I heard Rainbow Dash say, "Ugh, I hate it when he says those horse puns!"

Then I said, "Now how are we suppose to know that Rainbow Dash did it without touching a single barrel? Lucky for us, I've caught it all on camera." I played it on normal speed. "OK, now let's try super-slow motion." I did just that, and I carefully watched every barrel to see if Rainbow Dash had touched any of them.

During this inspection, Jonathan whispered to her, "Yeah, you better hope that he doesn't spot you touching a barrel. Hell, it's practically like a game of Where's Waldo to him."

After rewatching the whole video, I didn't seem to have notice her touching any barrels. So I then said, "Rainbow Dash has completed the course without touching a single barrel. She wins the first round!" and with that said, the score was 1-0.

The next round was a strength test; Rainbow Dash kicked the target so hard that it hit the bell. But when it was Applejack's turn, she had literally broke the damn thing! (So yeah, it's pretty safe to say that Applejack had won that round.) When she did break the bell, I coulda sworn that I heard Andrew saying, "Whoa, what a woman!"

The third round was a type of rodeo challenge; this one was a type of bull riding game (only instead of bulls, it's ponies). And you're probably wondering how this is going to be accomplished--what with the fact that the two ponies are going to be acting as the bulls in this scenario, and will probably need someone to buck off of their backs. Well...why not Spike? Yes, I am dead serious. They literally decided to use Spike in this challenge. (Why they couldn't just use a crash test dummy, I have no idea.) But guess who was the one who suggested that Spike should be the one to be tossed around in this game. No really, guess; because chances are you probably figured it out already...if you were thinking Twilight Sparkle, then give yourself a fucking pat on the back! (Because God knows I can't pat it for ya, what with me being stuck in another dimension and all.)

Yeah, never would've thought that Spike's own guardian would willingly put his own well being in serious risk. I even had a few words to say to her before the game even started. "Twilight, what the Hell are you thinking?! Spike's not some crash test dummy, he's going to get hurt!"

"Oh relax," she said to me in a non-concerned manner, "it's just a bit of fun. And besides, he could use the exercise; it's not like he was doing anything."

"Well wasn't he doing commentary throughout this whole competition? Because I'm pretty sure that counts as 'doing something'."

"Just because he was on my back, talking to himself, doesn't mean that he was actually contributing anything. And why are you getting so worried? I made him wear a helmet, didn't I?"

"Yeah Twilight, I'm pretty sure that a viking helmet isn't going to be enough to keep God knows how many of his bones from breaking."

"Oh please, Spike's been through much worse than this; besides, he's a tough dragon, he can handle a little pain."

You know, for somebody who claims to support the values of friendship, she sure seems to have no problem in putting a child's life at risk. (Because if you really think about it: racism, bullying, and even child abuse, wouldn't be what to expect from a world that practically sees friendship as a religion.) But what the Hell am I being so surprised for? She is the same pony who just stood and watch Spike almost drown in the middle of the lake without even so much as batting an eye.

Anyway, when the match had finally started, it only took Applejack two seconds to buck Spike off of her. But this win had clearly went to Rainbow Dash, seeing as how she practically almost flung Spike straight to the fucking moon--and he would've been seriously injured if I hadn't flash forward myself straight to where he was about to land and caught him in time! (Oh, and in case you're wondering, no, Twilight didn't do anything when Spike had almost crushed God knows how many bones in his body; no magic beams, no teleporting, just nothing--in fact, she just sort of stood there as if nothing was even happening in the first place.)

The fourth round was another rodeo type challenge--only this one involves lassoing. Now normally they would have to use a calf for this, but since there's seem to be some type of calf shortage, guess who they decided to use instead. You know what, don't even bother guessing; because we clearly both have the same answer. In fact, let's just say it together: one...two...three...SPIKE!

I'm not even fucking around here, but after I successfully saved Spike, the first thing that Twilight does is lift him with her magic, place him back in the pin with Applejack and Rainbow Dash, and literally say that he's their lassoing target. And she didn't even asked if he was OK, or if he even wanted to do this in the first place, she just flat out tossed him back in there without even an ounce of care in her body!

And don't let it be said that I didn't try to talk Twilight out of this; because I had a few words to say to that bitch. "For God's sake, Twilight, what is your deal?! You already put Spike's well-being in serious risk, and now you're just gonna toss him back in there?! What the Hell?!"

"Oh relax," she responded in the same non-caring manner as before, "you saw that he didn't get hurt."

"But he could've; after flying across the field from that height, his whole body would've splattered if I hadn't caught him in time. Now that I've mentioned it, how come you were just standing there while your own assistant was practically having a near death experience? I mean you didn't teleport him straight here before he was about to crash into the ground, you didn't use your magic to creat a giant pillow for him to land on, Hell, you didn't so much as flinch by the time Rainbow Dash had flunged him. Do you even care that Spike could've died from that little stunt? Doesn't a bit of you just feel ashamed for putting a child's life at risk?!"

"Hey, don't tell me how to raise my assistant! I was the one who made him hatch, so therefore, I automatically know what's best for him! So why don't you butt out and leave the parenting to the professionals?!"

Inconsiderate bitch! I mean, what the fuck happened to the Twilight from Winter Wrap Up?! You know, the one who was sympathetic and you just couldn't stand to see crying. But this Twilight, I just wanna smack her across the face until her head pops off! Just when did she suddenly no longer gave any care to Spike's well being? Again, she and these ponies are suppose to be so peaceful and tolerable, that you know that they never would do something as careless as forcing a child to be some kind of crash test dummy. (Especially if it ends up killing him!)

But I digress; anyway, it was kind of a no brainer that Applejack would win this one (what with her being a cowgirl and all), and the score was now 2-2. As soon as it was over, I untied the lasso around Spike and told him to just lie back and take a break. (And after all the humiliating shit that he just had to go through, he's earned it.)

Everything started to get intense at this point: Rainbow Dash won a ball tossing contest, Applejack won a hay tossing contest, Rainbow Dash won an arm wrestle (or hoof wrestle in her case), and Applejack won a football kicking contest. So far the score is 5-5. Rainbow Dash was suddenly starting to get ahead of Applejack--but I've been noticing that she's been using her wings as an advantage throughout most of the game.

It was now the final round; it was a tug of war. Applejack was just about to pull Rainbow Dash into the mud pile, but then Rainbow Dash had suddenly flew up and it made Applejack fall into the mud. The score was now 15-5, and it would seem that Rainbow Dash had won.

Rainbow Dash was like, "Woo-Hoo! I'm the Iron Pony!"

"Only 'cause you cheated!" Applejack retorted.

"What?"

"You used yer wing power to help you win over half those contest!"

"Sounds like sour apples to me."

And that's when I stepped in. "Oh no Rainbow Dash, she's right; you did cheat."

Rainbow Dash was then like, "Now you're on her side?"

And I was like, "Rainbow Dash, I'm the referee; and it's my duty to make sure that everyone is playing fair. And I've been seeing you use your wings to cheat your way to victory. Hell, you were practically cheating in front of everybody during that last round. And if you think that I'm going to allow you to get away with all that, then think again." I blew my whistle to get everyone's attention. When everybody stood silent, I cried out like a referee during a football game. "Rainbow Dash has been using unfair advantages with her wings! Therefore, she loses ten points!"

"What?!" cried Rainbow Dash, and to her horror, she watched as the score was changed from 15-5 to 5-5. She flew up to my face and said, "Surely, you can't be serious?!"

"Yes, I am serious," I told her, "and don't call me Shirley."

I heard Andrew and Jonathan laughing at my little reference. "Yeah, you see, they get the joke." I laughed for awhile as well; but then I calmed myself down and said, "But seriously though, Rainbow Dash, if you keep giving me more lip, then I'll just take away another point and let Applejack win."

She then gasped. "You wouldn't dare!"

"Wanna bet?!"

Just when I was about to blow my whistle, Rainbow Dash cried out, "OK, OK, you've made your point! But now it's a tie!"

"Well," I suggested, "I guess you better come up with a tie-breaker then."

They were both pondering for awhile; and then Applejack shouted, "I got it! Our tie-breaker will be the Runnin' of the Leaves!"

"The Running of the what?" I asked.

And then she explained to me, "The Runnin' of the Leaves is the annual fall race that helps all the leaves fall. And it's tomorrow mornin'. And whoever wins gets ta be called the Iron Pony."

"Well, I guess you two got your tie-breaker then."

The next day, me and the guys were heading over to the Running of the Leaves track. I had to be the referee again--since I know for sure that Rainbow Dash won't be playing fair. And the guys just came along just because they didn't have anything else better to do. As I stood there on the starting line, I saw all of the competitors get ready. I even saw Applejack tie up Rainbow Dash's wings--since she's not allowed to use them.

Then to everyone's surprise, there came a surprise competitor; a pony that nobody would ever think would dare try to compete in a race. And that pony was Twilight Sparkle!

Applejack was like, "Twilight? What in tarnation are ya doin' up here?"

"I'm racing."

Rainbow Dash laughed at that statement. "Good one, Twilight."

"I'm not joking."

"You're not an athlete," Rainbow Dash reminded her. "You're a...well...you're an egghead."

"I am not an egghead," Twilight defended herself. "I'm well-read."

Applejack was snickering a bit and said, "But have ya ever run a race?"

"Well no, but I do know a lot about running."

Rainbow Dash then said, "And you know this from..."

And Twilight told her, "Books. I've read several on the subject."

Rainbow Dash and Applejack were both laughing their asses off; Rainbow Dash then said, "What'd you read? The Egghead's Guide to Running? Did you stretch out your eye muscles to warm up? Get it? Eye muscles."

As much as I hated Twilight for purposely putting Spike's life at risk, I still couldn't stand to see Rainbow Dash and Applejack say that she couldn't compete just because she's "not an athlete." So I blew my whistle and shouted, "Hey! You two better stop insulting Twilight right now!"

"Says who?" Rainbow Dash retorted.

"Says me! When I'm wearing this black and white shirt, and this black baseball cap, you'll do whatever the fuck I tell you to do! And if I keep hearing you and Applejack making unsportsman like comments towards Twilight, then I'll disqualify you two!"

"What?! You can't do that!" Rainbow Dash cried.

"Oh yes I can, missy! And besides, where does it say in the rule book of sports that only athletic types can compete in races?" she and Applejack were both silent. "That's right, it's not. And if it's not in the rule book, then Twilight has just about as much a right to compete as you do. So, ha!" I then blew the whistle until all the ponies were silent. "All right you ponies, listen up! Before we start this race, I better go over some ground rules! Now I want this to be a good and fair race; I'll not tolerate any unsportsman like conduct, or any cheating during this race! Rule #1: I don't want to hear any of you insulting your fellow competitor! If any of you have been watching what Rainbow Dash and Applejack have been doing to Twilight, then you can all see that they were showing a good example of what not to do in the race! Anyone who insults their fellow competitor will be disqualified. And Rainbow Dash, if Twilight's an egghead, then that makes you a blockhead."

I then heard Jonatahn--in the crowd--do the Regular Show "Ooooooh!" and then shouted at Rainbow Dash, "He's got ya there, Rainbow Dash!"

"Zip it, Jonathan!" she cried in defense.

I then went over the next rules. "Rule #2: I don't want to see any of you pushing, or tugging, or having any physical contact with your fellow competitors! Anyone who lays so much as a hoof on anybody will be disqualified! Rule #3: Rainbow Dash has been strictly forbidden from using her wings in this race! If she's caught using her wings just once, then she'll be disqualified! OK, that seems to be it; now let's get this race started!"

As soon as I got out of the way, I used another flash forward to bring a segway for me to ride on during the race. And as soon as I got on it, the race had finally began. I mostly just followed Rainbow Dash and Applejack throughout the race. (Because it was very clear from before that they was no chance of Twilight or the other ponies cheating in this race.) As they were racing, Applejack tripped on a rock and cried, "Jeffrie, did ya see that? Rainbow Dash tripped me!"

"No, she didn't," I corrected her, "you just tripped on a rock; and I can't disqualify Rainbow Dash for something that's your own fault."

When Applejack finally caught up with Rainbow Dash, she tripped on a stump. "Jeffrie, did you see that? Applejack tripped me!"

"No Rainbow Dash, she didn't. You just tripped on a stump; and I can't disqualify Applejack just because you fucked up a little."

Throughout the rest of the race, I noticed that the two of them were cheating on so many levels. I took my cellphone out and took pictures as evidence for when I disqualify them. First Rainbow Dash smacked Applejack in the face with a low tree branch, then Applejack used that branch to boost herself ahead of Rainbow Dash, then Applejack kicked a beehive off a tree, then Rainbow Dash switched the direction of the sign, I then saw Applejack kick a bucket of maple syrup to try and slow down Rainbow Dash, and when they were getting close to the finish line, they were pushing each other. While they were pushing each other, the rope around Rainbow Dash's wings was loosened, then she tried to fly for it. And when they crossed that finish line, they both tied. But not at first place, but last place!

They were both like, "Then who won?" and that's when Twilight walked up to them with a gold medal around her neck. "YOU?!"

And Twilight said, "Oh no, but I did get 5th place."

Rainbow Dash was like, "I don't believe it; Twilight beat us."

"Yes, it would seem that brains beats brawns again." I commented. "Besides, even if you two did get first place, you still would've lost."

"What do ya mean?" Applejack asked.

"What I mean is that you two are both disqualified!"

"What?!"

"Oh yeah, you're both disqualified."

"For what?!" Rainbow Dash challenged my claim.

I then took out my cellphone and said, "Let's see here; for you Rainbow Dash, we got: smacking Applejack with a tree branch, switching directions on a sign, pushing Applejack, and using your wings. And as for you, Applejack, we got: using a tree branch to boost yourself, kicking a beehive, kicking a bucket full of maple syrup, and pushing Rainbow Dash."

Applejack then asked, "Then who got first place?"

I then pointed to the winner and said, "Him."

And to both their surprise, it was Andrew! "Andrew!" Rainbow Dash cried. "But he's not even in the race!"

"Oh yeah, he was in the race." I explained. "I just didn't tell any of you."

"But that's cheating!"

"No Rainbow Dash, I said no insulting, no pushing, and no using wings. I never said no not letting you know who you're competing against."

"But how could he have ran so fast ta get here before us?" Applejack wondered.

"Simple, I taught him how to do that flash forward trick the night before; we even came up with the idea of him entering the race."

"But why?"

"Well, we both figured that winning this race meant a lot to you two, so we figured that it'd be funny to take that away from you."

While Rainbow Dash and Applejack were just standing there with "what the fuck" expressions on their faces, Andrew was shouting, "Yeah, I won! Play me a victory tune, Jonathan!"

And that's when Jonathan took out his I-pod and started to play "We Are The Champions." As soon as I heard that, I shouted, "Hey, that's my victory tune!"

"So, just share it." Andrew stated.

"I don't have to share it; it's my victory tune! So get your own!"

"Why don't you make me?!"

"All right Andrew, you asked for it!" and that was when I started to chase him all over the track while leaving a giant trail of leaves behind.