Ugh...you will not believe what happened last night.

Yesterday, after Dash executed a great plan to get Zach away from the the prying eyes of Twilight Sparkle, Zach, Lyra and Bon Bon all attended the Summer Sun Celebration together. During the celebration, some stupid mare calling herself Nightmare Moon interrupted the party.

All of a sudden, the guards are lunging at this mare, trying to apprehend her because she kidnapped the princess, she just swats them away like flies. She flees and it's just chaos. Everybody is screaming and shouting and running around in a frenzy.

And apparently, Twilight Sparkle actually knew something about it.

Turns out, she read it in a book that Nightmare Moon was going to return from a thousand year slumber. She wanted to go alone to face her and rescue the princess,( I'm still wondering why the royal guards did nothing to help) but Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie and Fluttershy all went with her.

Because in this universe...it is completely acceptable for a group of young women to take on a genocidal mad woman. You know, instead of the military.

Oh...and Zach came to.

It was with great reluctance that he was coerced by Rainbow Dash and Applejack to assist them in their mission. It was because of this that he was forced to finally meet Twilight Sparkle.

Ugh...that girl.

If it wasn't for the fact that a villain was plotting to immerse the world in total darkness, Zach was certain that Twilight would strap him to a table and dissect him for study. She just wouldn't stop with the fucking questions! He was grateful for the mishaps and the dangers that occurred during their trip through the Everfree, other wise there was nothing to interrupt the onslaught of questions.

She did vow to get more answers out of him after the whole Nightmare moon thing was over. Zach is still dreading that.

When they finally reached the castle and confronted Nightmare, Twilight pulled some kind of rainbow beam power out of her ass at the last minute and saved the day.

Seriously, she defeated Nightmare with the power of friendship.

Oh, and all the mares are now the bearers of the Elements of Harmony.

But not Zachary.

Nope, not Zach. Didn't matter that he got mauled by a manticore protecting the ponies. Or that he fell off a cliff. Or fell through a thin rope bridge. Or that he offended a gay water dragon. Or was the one to knock Nightmare Moon out so she couldn't dodge the rainbow beam of cleansing. No element for Zach.

You wanna know what zach got?...Dick! THAT'S WHAT ZACH GOT!

Dick, zilch, nadda, bupkiss, nothing!

Fuck you, Twilight Sparkle.

The morning rays of sunlight filtered through the blinds of Zach's room. The rays contacted with Zach's eyelids, causing him groan and flip over. His relief was short lived, however.

"Zach, it's time to get up." Lyra practically sang.

'So...the demoness returns.' Zach thought. " I fucking hate you."

"Oh, you're just saying that." She went over and pulled the covers off him.

Suddenly, he felt cold. "Did you just take my blankets?" Zach asked, not opening his eyes.

"....Maybe."

"Someone wants a broken snout today, don't they?"

"Fine, just for that...no coffee."

That's it, Lyra...you poked the bear!

"That's it, I'm killing you!"

Zach hops out of bed and begins chasing Lyra out of the room and through the house. Bon Bon, who was in the kitchen, could hear
them as they came barreling down the stairs and into the room. She sighed and flipped a page of her newspaper.

Lyra came in first and grabbed the coffee pot with her magic.

"Ha! Now that I have what you desire most, there's nothing you can do to stop me!"

"You vile fiend!"

"Good morning. you two" Bon Bon greeted, her eyes not leaving the page.

Lyra and Zach both stopped their play fighting and returned Bon Bon's gesture. Zach smiled as he took a seat on one of the kitchen chairs. "Morning. Bonny."

"Sup, Candy ass." Lyra said, grinning and taking her own seat.

Bon Bon sighed. "Oh, Lyra, your words are eloquent as always." She said in a monotone inflection.

"Pass me the coffee, please." Asked Zach.

"Yeah, sure." Using her magic, Lyra again picked up the percolator and placed it gently on the table in front of Zach.

There was a moment of silence as this dysfunctional family ate their breakfast and drank their coffee.

"So, Zach, how was your little adventure last night?"

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"Oh, come one! Give us the details! What did ya do last night?"

He sighs. "Fine. Last night, after that crazy mare showed up and wrecked the party, AJ and Rainbow thought that their group needed some extra protection. And by protection...I mean a meat shield. And by meat shield...I mean me."

"Ah, I see. They throw you to the wolves?"

"More like manticore. Figures the sweet, innocent ponies would hang back and let the ruff and gruff human test the waters. Wouldn't have been THAT bad if Twilight Sparkle could shut the hell up for five minutes."

"I saw that she was there too. What's she like?"

"You know...she actually reminds me of you."

"How so?"

"When we first met, she just wouldn't stop asking questions! Where I came from, what I was, what's my diet? All those kinds of things. I should consider myself grateful that she isn't one of those that's obsessed with mythology. God only knows what would have happened. The last thing I need is her running around in a panic claiming that I'm going to eat everyone and bring chaos to the land."

"Hey, I was obsessed with ancient pony mythology!"

"I know, Lyra."

"...And I'd let you eat me anytime." She gave a seductive smile.

"I know, Lyra."

" And by eat I mean-"

"Just shut up and drink your coffee!"

Author's Notes:

I really apologize for the shortness of this chapter. I'm actually in a bit of a rut here, not knowing what path to take this story down. Originally, this chapter was going to be about going after Nightmare Moon, but I decided against it. It would have involved a lot of description and filler, most of it would be stuff that we already know from the show anyway. So, I decided to go with a small time skip and show the morning after the pilot episodes.

Don't worry, though. Once I really know what to do with this story, I'll crank up the quality to 11.