Three Years
by ZAKARI
First published
Twilight Sparkle might be new to Ponyville, but he's been there for three years.
Twilight Sparkle, personal student of Princess Celestia, is sent to Ponyville to make friends and help the town prepare for the upcoming Summer Sun Celebration. However, these are not the things she's most worried about. Twilight is convinced that Nightmare Moon, a villain from a thousand years ago, is about to return and it's up to her to stop it.
Unfortunately, her more scientific side diverts her as she comes across a creature that she's never seen before. It eats meat, stands on two legs and is frighteningly tall. Twilight would be more worried about the sake of Ponyville's residents...
...If it wasn't for the fact that this creature has lived among them for three years.
Cover-art made by PussPuss specifically for "Three Years".
Something old, something new and something Lyra
As Twilight Sparkle flew in a chariot over the vast forests that dot Equestria's landscape, she tried recalling where it all went so wrong. First was her conclusion that Nightmare Moon was returning. That prompted her to return to the library owned by the castle for research. Next was sending Princess Celestia the letter, informing her of the coming danger. The responding letter from the princess told her to go to Ponyville to help set up for the Summer Sun Celebration...and...make friends.
Wait...NOW she knows where it went wrong.
Make friends. Twilight Sparkle did NOT need friends. If she wanted company, she was more than happy talking to Spike, her young adopted dragon brother, or Shining Armor, her brother by blood, or even her parents. As far as she was concerned, the need for MORE company was unnecessary. What she felt she TRULY needed...was more knowledge.
Knowledge. If she was to thwart Nightmare Moon's return, she needed all the knowledge and information she could get.
And the good news is...she already had a plan in place to get it. In the letter, one of the details was that she was going to stay the night in the town and that a place has already been set aside for her. To her fortune, her temporary home away from home was a re-purposed library, still filled to the brim with books and novels. Her plan was to accomplish only the most necessary goals on the list of things to prepare, then head straight to the library for research.
She folded her ears back at the thought of only doing the bare essentials. It's not as though she liked half-assing her duties, it's just that if she's right, and she usually is, all of Equestria is in danger. And if no-pony else believed her, then fine! She'll go alone if need be.
As the chariot continued to fly, she could make out the town on the edge of the horizon. It wouldn't be long now and they'd touch down and she could begin.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Lyra Heartstrings, the spearmint unicorn, slowly and quietly made her way up the stairs of her home. Reaching the top, she moved towards the door on the right side of the hallway. Opening the door and going inside the room, she walked over to a mattress at the far side.
Underneath the covers and blankets...was a beast. A beast that dwarfed her in sheers size. A beast that could kill her with almost no effort.
It was a monster straight out of pony mythology!
It also happened to be her buddy.
Lyra smiled as she nudged the blankets. "Time to get up."
"Nhhg" The beast responded.
She nudged it again. "Come on, it's nine in the morning and you're wasting daylight."
"I don't care."
"Oh, so the creature CAN speak."
"I hate you so VERY much right now."
"Oh, come on, Zach, you don't mean it."
"No, I do. You're a horrible, demented little monster."
She sighed. "Well, I guess if I'm just a monster, I should go downstairs and drink ALL the coffee and eat ALL of Bon Bon's cinnamon rolls!"
"I'm up, I'm up!"Zachary pulled the blankets off and sat upright. His hair, which was long and reached the middle of his back, gave him the absolute WORST case of bed head. He yawned and stretched. The room was then filled of the sound of a cracking back, neck and knuckles.
"I'll see you downstairs. Coffee is on the stove, rolls are on the table." Lyra said before she exited the room.
After she left, Zach threw the blankets off completely and then planted his bare feet on the cold hard-wood floor. This was the routine that has persisted for three years. Since his arrival in Equestria and shacking up with Lyra and Bon Bon, every day started like this. He would sleep in till about nine, Lyra would attempt wake him, fail horribly, then bribe him with sweets and coffee, to which he would finally get up, brush his teeth, completely rip the knots out of his hair (much to Lyra's disgust) and eventually join the world of the living.
As he made his way down the stairs, Lyra could hear the thunderous roar of his steps. This made her think about when he originally moved in. Three years ago, his immense size, compared to her and Bon Bon, forced them to actually increase the size of their home to accommodate him. He paid them back, later, of course. Back then, he was very much dependent on Lyra and Bon Bon's good graces.
It was no issue to Lyra, though. It's quite nice to be born from a wealthy unicorn family.
Of course, quite a bit has changed since then. His first few months in Ponyville were full of the residents being fearful of his presence. At first they ran, then they walked around him on the street, then they could talk to him(but only while shaking in fright), and then FINALLY...they accepted him.
Ponies are a skittish bunch.
And you know what? They SHOULD accept him by now. After all he's done to make himself a valued member of the town's community, he's earned his place among them. From working at Sugar Cube Corner to hauling bushels at Sweet Apple Acres, from helping Derpy with the mail to helping Mayor Mare sort files, he's worked hard to prove that he was a good person and a good neighbor.
Sometimes to his own detriment.
Lyra watched him as he entered the kitchen and took a coffee mug from the shelf. Filling it with coffee, cream, and a shit load of sugar, he took a seat at the table and grabbed a cinnamon roll. She smiled at him before asking. "So, what's on your agenda for today?"
He shrugged and swallowed a bite of food. "Not much. Why do you ask?"
She took a sip of her coffee, then said. "Well, with the Summer Sun Celebration later, the town could use some help setting up."
"Already? Didn't we already have one of those?"
"Yeah...last year." Said Bon Bon, looking up from her newspaper.
"Well, yeah I know we have one every year but I thought it would be too soon."
Bon Bon arched an eyebrow. "Do you really not know that another year has passed?"
"Hey, you know I'm terrible with dates. In fact, if it weren't for you girls keeping track, I probably wouldn't even know that I'm twenty-two."
"Zach, you're twenty-three."
"Shit, that happened fast. Ok, Lyra, what would I need to do?"
"Oh, you know, just setting banners and preparing tables. Simple stuff."
"Alright, yeah, I think I can do that. where do I go?"
"Just head to town hall. There should be somepony there who can fill you in on anything that needs doing."
"Will do. Alright, my day is covered, what are YOU going to do today?"
"Well, I have to practice for the ceremony. That's going to take up a few hours. Then, I guess I cam back home and wait for the party to start."
"And I should be home some time around two." Interrupted Bon Bon. "I'm doing some catering work for the celebration and it might take me a bit longer than usual."
"I see." He sighed. "Might as well get a move on." He got up from his spot at the table and scratched Lyra and Bon Bon on the head, both of them leaning into the attention before his hand pulled away. Zach made his way to the door and just as he reached the handle, Lyra called out to him.
"Wait! Wait!"
He turned to her. "What?"
"I almost forgot. There's someone new in Ponyville!"
"And you just tell me as I'm almost out the door?"
"Sorry, I forgot!" She rubbed the back of her head in embarrassment.
He sighs. "You do remember what happened last time, don't you?"
"Yeah,... poor Roseluck. Getting a black eye that way must have been really awkward to explain. If it's any consolation, I'm pretty sure she's over her fear of you."
"I know."
"Though, she still watches you all the time when you enter the market. I don't know why."
"...I know."
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
As Zach moved through the town, he would often wave and say hello to his many neighbors, sometimes engaging is small talk before continuing on. After about three minute of walking, he set his sights on Town Hall. He always like that building. It was one of only a few structures that was large enough for him to move about freely in.
Walking up the steps, he opened the doors...then quickly closed them. There, inside, next to his friend Rarity, was an unknown mare. From the glimpse he got, she was all purple, with a pink stripe going down her mane. By now, Zach had come to know all of Ponyville's residents, even if most were merely acquaintances.
This mare was not from Ponyville. Had to be the new pony Lyra warned him about. No way was he gonna go in there and have to deal with all the crap that comes with explaining what and who he is. Might as well see if there's anyone else who needs help setting up.
No big deal, really. He could go see Fluttershy. He needed to talk to her anyway and this was a good enough excuse.
As he descended the steps, he jumped back in fright as a bolt of lightening struck nearby. He looked up to see Derpy in a cloud, her own fur slightly singed.
"Ok, seriously, we've talked about this."
"Oops, my bad." The wall-eyed pegasus gave an embarrassed smile.
"Just...be more careful in the future!"
"Ok...still sorry about the lightning!"
"Yeah well...you're lucky you're adorable." He started to walk away, but stops. "Hey Derpy, quick question."
"Yeah?"
"Have you seen Fluttershy today?"
The grey mare put her hoof up to her chin in a thinking posture. "Hmm, well she wasn't home when I dropped off her mail, but I think I saw her taking the road that comes into town. She might be headed this way."
"Alright, thanks Derpy!" He started walking down the same road that Fluttershy should be on.
"You're welcome! Good bye!" She waved her hooves.
He continued on, moving past all the stalls of the marketplace, quickly saying hi to all he passed. Until he reached the end of market row...and greeted Roseluck.
"Hello Roseluck."
The mare's cheeks blushed and she kept silent as she stared forward. Seeing this, Zach sighed.
"Look, it was an awkward moment for both of us. Just let it go" He walked away.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Twilight levitated a pair of binoculars to her eyes. "Jot this down, Spike. Subject is bipedal, appears to have little fur or hair, except for the top of its head. Could have more, but the clothes it's wearing makes it difficult to determine. Skin seems to be in the brown or beige categories . Height is quite imposing and its body is lean with little fat deposits. Its overall design is completely foreign and I cannot determine what animal family it belongs to." There was a pause in her speech. "What...what in Equestria are you?"
"Um, Twilight, shouldn't we be working on stopping Nightmare Moon? Isn't that more important?"
It took a moment for it to register, but Twilight knew Spike was right. "Y...yes, we should. But this is the find of a lifetime Spike!" She shouted, seemingly trying to convince herself more than her dragon companion. "I figured I could get a few notes on it now and come back to it later." She smiled unconvincingly.
"Really?"
"Yes, that was my plan all along. And you know me, I always have a plan."
Spike arched an eyebrow. "I think you're bluffing."
"Spike, don't talk back to your sister-mother, that's very disrespectful.
He crossed his arms, intent on giving her the silent treatment, but something caught his eye. "Hey, who's that?" He pointed his claw at a mare who was walking towards Zach. She was yellow, with a pink mane and tail.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
As Twilight and Spike observed the mare greeting the strange, new creature, they didn't know that the watchers had become the watched. A blue pegasus with a rainbow mane slowly, and quietly, flew down behind them. She took a deep breath.
"BOO!" Twilight and Spike both let out a scream, before turning to see Rainbow Dash laughing.
"Oh, that was...that was AWESOME! I wish you could have seen the looks on your faces!"
Twilight suddenly recognized this pony. She met her earlier and goaded her into cleaning up the clouds.
"Rainbow Dash, what did you do that for?!" She shouted.
"What do you mean? I saw a chance to scare ya, and I took it." Rainbow quickly looked over Twilight's shoulder before returning her gaze back to her eyes. "Look, that was fun and all, but I gotta go now. Bye!" Dash then flapped her wings and took off towards town.
"Ugh, why must ponies always interrupt me during valuable research! That little stunt probably even alerted-oh no, the target!" Twilight turned around again and looked towards the spot that the creature had been. It, along with the yellow pegasus...were long gone.
"UGH!" She screamed. "Did she really have to scare me like that and frighten away the subject!? I swear, it's like she did it on purp.....wait. Did she do that on purpose?"
Whatever the case may be, the creature was long gone. And she now had no way of finding him again.
She huffed in annoyance. "Fine! I have more important things to worry about anyway!"
"You know...she actually reminds me of you"
Ugh...you will not believe what happened last night.
Yesterday, after Dash executed a great plan to get Zach away from the the prying eyes of Twilight Sparkle, Zach, Lyra and Bon Bon all attended the Summer Sun Celebration together. During the celebration, some stupid mare calling herself Nightmare Moon interrupted the party.
All of a sudden, the guards are lunging at this mare, trying to apprehend her because she kidnapped the princess, she just swats them away like flies. She flees and it's just chaos. Everybody is screaming and shouting and running around in a frenzy.
And apparently, Twilight Sparkle actually knew something about it.
Turns out, she read it in a book that Nightmare Moon was going to return from a thousand year slumber. She wanted to go alone to face her and rescue the princess,( I'm still wondering why the royal guards did nothing to help) but Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie and Fluttershy all went with her.
Because in this universe...it is completely acceptable for a group of young women to take on a genocidal mad woman. You know, instead of the military.
Oh...and Zach came to.
It was with great reluctance that he was coerced by Rainbow Dash and Applejack to assist them in their mission. It was because of this that he was forced to finally meet Twilight Sparkle.
Ugh...that girl.
If it wasn't for the fact that a villain was plotting to immerse the world in total darkness, Zach was certain that Twilight would strap him to a table and dissect him for study. She just wouldn't stop with the fucking questions! He was grateful for the mishaps and the dangers that occurred during their trip through the Everfree, other wise there was nothing to interrupt the onslaught of questions.
She did vow to get more answers out of him after the whole Nightmare moon thing was over. Zach is still dreading that.
When they finally reached the castle and confronted Nightmare, Twilight pulled some kind of rainbow beam power out of her ass at the last minute and saved the day.
Seriously, she defeated Nightmare with the power of friendship.
Oh, and all the mares are now the bearers of the Elements of Harmony.
But not Zachary.
Nope, not Zach. Didn't matter that he got mauled by a manticore protecting the ponies. Or that he fell off a cliff. Or fell through a thin rope bridge. Or that he offended a gay water dragon. Or was the one to knock Nightmare Moon out so she couldn't dodge the rainbow beam of cleansing. No element for Zach.
You wanna know what zach got?...Dick! THAT'S WHAT ZACH GOT!
Dick, zilch, nadda, bupkiss, nothing!
Fuck you, Twilight Sparkle.
The morning rays of sunlight filtered through the blinds of Zach's room. The rays contacted with Zach's eyelids, causing him groan and flip over. His relief was short lived, however.
"Zach, it's time to get up." Lyra practically sang.
'So...the demoness returns.' Zach thought. " I fucking hate you."
"Oh, you're just saying that." She went over and pulled the covers off him.
Suddenly, he felt cold. "Did you just take my blankets?" Zach asked, not opening his eyes.
"....Maybe."
"Someone wants a broken snout today, don't they?"
"Fine, just for that...no coffee."
That's it, Lyra...you poked the bear!
"That's it, I'm killing you!"
Zach hops out of bed and begins chasing Lyra out of the room and through the house. Bon Bon, who was in the kitchen, could hear
them as they came barreling down the stairs and into the room. She sighed and flipped a page of her newspaper.
Lyra came in first and grabbed the coffee pot with her magic.
"Ha! Now that I have what you desire most, there's nothing you can do to stop me!"
"You vile fiend!"
"Good morning. you two" Bon Bon greeted, her eyes not leaving the page.
Lyra and Zach both stopped their play fighting and returned Bon Bon's gesture. Zach smiled as he took a seat on one of the kitchen chairs. "Morning. Bonny."
"Sup, Candy ass." Lyra said, grinning and taking her own seat.
Bon Bon sighed. "Oh, Lyra, your words are eloquent as always." She said in a monotone inflection.
"Pass me the coffee, please." Asked Zach.
"Yeah, sure." Using her magic, Lyra again picked up the percolator and placed it gently on the table in front of Zach.
There was a moment of silence as this dysfunctional family ate their breakfast and drank their coffee.
"So, Zach, how was your little adventure last night?"
"I'd rather not talk about it."
"Oh, come one! Give us the details! What did ya do last night?"
He sighs. "Fine. Last night, after that crazy mare showed up and wrecked the party, AJ and Rainbow thought that their group needed some extra protection. And by protection...I mean a meat shield. And by meat shield...I mean me."
"Ah, I see. They throw you to the wolves?"
"More like manticore. Figures the sweet, innocent ponies would hang back and let the ruff and gruff human test the waters. Wouldn't have been THAT bad if Twilight Sparkle could shut the hell up for five minutes."
"I saw that she was there too. What's she like?"
"You know...she actually reminds me of you."
"How so?"
"When we first met, she just wouldn't stop asking questions! Where I came from, what I was, what's my diet? All those kinds of things. I should consider myself grateful that she isn't one of those that's obsessed with mythology. God only knows what would have happened. The last thing I need is her running around in a panic claiming that I'm going to eat everyone and bring chaos to the land."
"Hey, I was obsessed with ancient pony mythology!"
"I know, Lyra."
"...And I'd let you eat me anytime." She gave a seductive smile.
"I know, Lyra."
" And by eat I mean-"
"Just shut up and drink your coffee!"
Author's Notes:
I really apologize for the shortness of this chapter. I'm actually in a bit of a rut here, not knowing what path to take this story down. Originally, this chapter was going to be about going after Nightmare Moon, but I decided against it. It would have involved a lot of description and filler, most of it would be stuff that we already know from the show anyway. So, I decided to go with a small time skip and show the morning after the pilot episodes.
Don't worry, though. Once I really know what to do with this story, I'll crank up the quality to 11.
"Just start with your name"
Zach sat on a chair in Twilight's library, sipping a cup of coffee. The time had come. He was going to answer Miss Sparkle's questions.
Originally, he was going to spend the day lying in bed and masturbating. But Twilight bribed him with cheese cake, and thus, here he is.
Turtle cheese cake, by the way. Yummy.
Unfortunately, Miss Sparkle was taking her sweet ass time doing something in the basement. So, to relieve his boredom, Zach walked around and began to examine Twilight's vast collection of books. Pulling one from the bookshelf, he began to skim its contents.
"The Slumbering Servant? Let's see...a day of betrayal, blah, blah, blah...a warrior sealed in a small statue, blah, blah, blah...warrior awakened by a soon to be princess, blah, blah, blah...damn, I'm only skimming and this book sucks!" He tosses it over his shoulder and it lands on he table.
"Hey, don't just go throwing my stuff around!" Twilight shouts, her form coming up from the basement stairs.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Can we just start already. I want that cheese cake."
"Fine, take a seat." She sighs. "Spike!"
"What?!" The baby dragon responds from upstairs.
"Can you come down here and take notes for me?"
"I don't know, can you go fuck yourself?"
"What was that!?"
"I said I'll be right down!"
Spike arrived a minute later with parchment in hand...well, claw, actually.
"You ready?" Twilight asks.
"Yes."
"First question. I guess we'll just start with your name."
"Zachary"
"write that down, Spike."
"No, really?" Spike whispered to himself.
"Next question." Said Sparkle. "What are you?"
"Human"
"And gender?"
"Male."
"Occupation?"
"Handyman, creature of mythology...world champ pastry eater."
"Diet"
"Omnivorous...with a preference for meat." He smiled, purposefully showing off his canines.
Twilight's expression changes to one of slight concern. "Oh...um...you don't say?"
"I DO say."
"Um...where are you from?"
"Well, you see, there's the part where most ponies don't believe me."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean...I'm not from here."
"Why would that be hard to believe? Equestria is home to many citizens who hail from different lands."
"No...I mean...I'm not from your world. Not even this universe. Up until three years ago, I was living on my own world, completely populated by my people. There were no ponies, no dragons or griffons."
"You're saying that..."
"Yes, Miss Sparkle...I'm an alien."
There is a moment of silence before Twilight speaks again. "You'll excuse me if I don't believe you outright. If what you say is true and you're really not from here ...then how did you get here? What did you do when you realized you weren't on your world anymore?"
"Ugh, you REALLY want to know?"
"Yes! Very much so."
"Fine, I'll tell you...but you gotta get me the cheese cake you promised."
Twilight slaps her face with her hoof before using her magic and placing a plate in front of him. "There, you got your food. Now spill it, I want to know everything."
Zach takes a bite of the cake before speaking. "Well, it happened three years ago. My trip to Equestria was actually very bland. I pretty much just walked here..."
Author's Notes:
Sorry about the shortness, but it was intentional. The next chapter is going to be way longer and get into Zach's origin story and how he met Lyra in the first place. I wanted to get one last chapter in because the next on is probably going to take a while. And now, a VERY fun fact!
FUN FACT!
To those who still don't know, I proposed to my girlfriend. You might know her on this site as Obey Bunny. She said yes!
The Beginning: Whitetail Woods
Three Years Prior
It all started with a camping trip. Merely a few days ago, Zach was having the time of his life. After the challanges of life were getting particularly rough, it was suggested by a close friend of Zach's that he should go on a camping trip with them. Seeing a chance to get away from the daily grind, he accepted, thinking it was the perfect thing he needed. And he was right, the trip was fun and he very much enjoyed himself.
It was when he went to sleep on the third night that things took an interesting turn.
Waking up on the fourth day of the trip, he immediately noticed something was off. His surroundings were different than what he remembered from the past couple days. He was still in a forest, but it was...not the same. While he went to sleep last night in a lush, greend woodland, this forest was brimming with golden, brown and red leaves, much like it was the fall season.
Which was not right because it was definitely summer the last time he checked.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"So, wait, you just woke up and boom...you're here?" Asked Spike.
"Pretty much. Don't ask me how that works because I don't know shit."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sitting up in his sleeping bag, he looked around, trying to find any trace of his friends.
"Guys? You there? Hello!"
The only response he recieved were the sounds of the forest. Did...did his friends leave without him? No, that can't be true, they wouldn't just leave him out here. Nor does it reveal why the forest is so different.
Maybe...maybe this was some kind of prank. Yeah, that's it. His friends must have jut moved him when he was sleeping and are now watching from the shadows and the bushes.
"Very funny, guys. Now come on and tell me where you are!"
Once again, no response.
The more he thought about it, the more he dismissed the prank theory. He has always been a light sleeper. They would never have been able to move him without him waking up at the slightest noise. He even wakes up from a nap if someone adjusts the t.v's volume by one point.
So, if this isn't a prank and they didn't leave him...then what the fuck is going on?
Having no more of it, Zach shimmies out of his sleeping bag and stands up. The first thing he notices from the new elevation is that he's been lying on a trail. A dirt road of sorts. He quickly puts on his clothes, thinking it wise just in case someone comes down the road and sees him.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I've been meaning to ask you about that." Interrupted Twilight "What's with all the clothes?"
"Long story. Short version is it's indecent to go walking around naked and you ponies are a bunch of nudist freaks."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He looked around. "Where the hell am I?"
He looked down at the sleeping bag he was just in. Seeing no need for it, and not wanting it to get stolen, he picked up his sleeping bag and threw it behind a bush. It would have to do until he can come back for it later.
With really no other course of action avalible, Zach decided to follow the path and see where it would lead. It was several minutes later that he came upon a sign in the road.
Ponyville: 1 kilometer.
He blinked...then blinked again.
"The hell? Who...who names a place Ponyville? You know what, fuck it, don't care."
He again walked down the path, finally stopping sometime later when he saw what appeared to be a village in the distance. He cocked his head to the side in confusion.
"A...a village? Ponyville is actually a village? A REAL village? What the hell, am I even still in America?!"
As he traveled the path and got closer, he couldn't help but notice that the houses of the village were...off. They seemed much smaller than normal houses. Another observation showed animals of some kind walking around town.
It got even weirder. The animals walking around town had colors that were just...crazy!
"Please don't tell me I've stumbled across a town full of people who paint their pets."
Now that he thought about it...he didn't see any people at all. And those houses were definitely smaller. He was just on the outskirts of town now, and those houses were appearing tiny.
'Who even lives in a place like this?' He thought to himself.
The town's building were so small that most of the doors only reached his lower chest.
He got even closer. As he did so, he noticed something else. The animals that were walking around didn't really look like any creature hes ever seen.
They were...horses. Well, ok, not really. They kinda resembled horses...in a way.
Among other differences, their eyes were larger than normal and they faced forward. And again, he noted the odd coloring. And they were small...like...REALLY small. He could proably pick one up and hold them with one arm.
And wait...did...does that one have a horn? Some shmuck must have glued a horn on to a small creature's head. Their daughter must have really wanted a unicorn for a present.
Suddenly, a scream errupts from somewhere.
"MONSTER!"
In a flash, all those animals go crazy. They start running left and right. It was almost like a mini stampede. It was actuall kinda cute. The only thing cuter would be a stampede of bunnies...
Whoever yelled, they really shook up the little horsies. They all went into the small houses and even slammed the doors behind them.
Probably should have been his first clue.
Given the size of the houses and the size of the horses, it made Zach wonder if the houses were built specifically for them. Taking tentative steps, he entered the town and looked around.
There was nobody. It was like a ghost town.
"Um...h-hello? Is anyone here? I could use some help, if you don't mind."
There was no reply to his inquiry, only silence.
As he looked around, one thing gave him the creeps. In every building...the animals were watching him from the windows.
"Well...um, alright. Guess I'm just gonna go now."
He took his leave, glad to be away from the small,creepy town.
Lyra Hearstrings throws the door to her home wide open and bolts outside, looking in every direction.
"Where'd it go!? I know I saw it!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Ah, cool! You got to my part!" Shouted Lyra, who was peeking into the library through the window.
"Lyra, what are you doing here?" Asked Twilight.
"Zachary told me that he was coming to answer questions. I thought I'd come too to dispell any lies he might spread about me."
"Lies? Like what?"
"Like me snogging him when I think he's asleep or dry humpng his hand."
"Lyra" Said Zach "Those aren't lies...you really did do those things. Oh, and as a warning, if you EVER shove your hoof down my pants again, I will kick you in the fucking face. I'm not even kidding."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zach was now back on the trail, thinking about his situation. He honestly didn't have any clue on what to do now. Hell, he still doesn't even know how he got where he woke up!
He is taken out of his thoughts when he hars a rustling comng from one of the bushes behind him. Stopping, he turns around and looks in the direction of the disturbance. The bushes rustle again and he takes a step back. He gulps, fearing some wild animal has tracked him down.
The bushes rustle one last time before...out pops one of those little horse-things.
Zach wipes his brow. 'Phew, for a second, I was worried a small bear or wolf found me. But this thing isn't scary at all!'
"Hi" Greets the minty colored, tiny horse.
And now it's scary.
Zach bolts. Like a gunshot, he takes off. The little creature rushes after him.
"Wait! Halt, human! I just want to have your babies!"
"Ahgetthefuckawayfromme!"
During the chase, a fallen tree branch trips Zach, and in true cliche fashion, he is sent tumbling to the ground.
Looking up, he sees the horse-thingy get closer. With every step she takes, he scoots backwards, stopping only when his back collides with a tree. The creature is getting closer now, only a few meters away. She stands before him and...and...AND!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Well!" Shouts Twilight. "What happened?!"
Zach does not reply with words, he merely taps his now empty plate with his fork. Getting the hint, Twilight facepalms.
"You're not going to continue until you get more cheesecake...are you?"
"Nope."
Twilight gives what can only be described as a hybrid of a growl and a sigh anf levitates some bit over to Spike and places them in his claws. "Spike, please go to Sugar Cube Corner and pick up another cake."
Spike sighs. "Fine, I'll do it. Don't know why I though you would do something for yourself for once.
As Spike is almost out the door, Zach calls out to him. "And get some coffee while you're at it!......And make sure it's none of that decaf shit that Bon Bon buys!"
Author's Notes:
You can thank my dear fiance for this chapter. It was only through brainstorming with her that I even got this far.
EDIT: Hmm, noticing alot of typos. Sorry about those, I'll take care of them when I see them.
FUN FACT!
"Animal Planet" has gone WAY down hill in recent years. Don't even get me started on the show "Finding Bigfoot"
HOLY SHIT THE AUTHOR ISN'T DEAD!
A Little while later, Spike returned with Cheesecake in claw and set it down on the table.
"There. Now, will you please continue." Asked Twilight Sparkle. "I feel like I've been waiting for a month!"
Zach smiled, his sweet-tooth now being sated. "Of course. Where was I. Oh yes, now I remember. I-"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zack cocked his head to the side and gave a confused look.
"you...you just talked! You just fucking talked!"
"Well duh. Of course I talk" Responded Lyra.
"Jesus Christ, where the fuck am I !?" Zach burried his face in his hands. He just couldn't beleive everything that's happened to him since waking up this morning.
"You alright there, hot stuff?"
"And YOU! Explain this shit. Right now!"
"Woah there, no need to get hostile."
"You...you little abomination, start talking. Who are you? WHAT are you?"
"I'm a unicorn. I thought that was obvious. You know, cause of the horn...and hooves...and wonderfully toned ass."
Zach turned from Lyra and placed his head on the trunk of a tree.
"This can't be happening. I'm dreaming. I HAVE to be dreaming. I'm going to close my eyes and when I open them again I'll be back in the real world." He closed his eyes then, after a pause, opened them again. Only to see Lyra smiling at him. "...Fuck! Oh god, this can't be happening!"
Lyra walked up beside him. "Sorry if you're sad. Anything I can do to help? You know, hugs? Pat on the back?....Blowjob?"
"Jesus fucking Christ girl! What the hell is wrong with you!?"
"What? Just trying to be helpful."
"I met you like four minutes ago. That is not a reasonable enough amount of time for me to trust you with my pecker in your mouth!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"It was a little while after that when the seriousness of my situation finally began to set in. I began to search even harder for a way back home. Not only that, but I had HER tagging along" Zach nods his head in Lyra's direction.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"And that's when Bon Bon came out with white frosting all over her mouth!" Laughed Lyra. "You should've seen it! It looked like somepony jizzed all over her lips!"
Zach's right eye twitched. He had to listen to this girl go on like this for the past thirty-five minutes. And his tolerance for her had finally reached it's limit.
"Dear god, woman, don't you have anyone else to annoy!? Friends? Family?...venomous reptiles?!" Lyra looked slightly hurt and turned her head away. " Look, just leave me alone! I don't care who you are, what you are or why you're even bothering me! All I care about is you leaving me the fuck alone!"
Lyra backed up at his words. "Oh...alright. I...guess I'll go." Lyra lowered her head and began to walk in the opposite direction.
There was a moment of silence as Zach watched her leave. Then he sighed.
"I'm such an ass." He whispered to himself. "Hey, wait!"
Lyra turned around. "What?"
"I...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped. I know you're just trying to make me feel better."
"That's ok. I know you're going through a lot."
Zach was going to respond, but before he could, a pack of pegasi flew overhead.
"The hell?" He whispered.
"What? It's just the weather patrol. I'm sure you see stuff like this all the time."
"Nope."
"Oh. So this new to you?"
"Yup. So...flying little ponies. I think I finally realized what happened to me. I didn't get transported to another world. I'm just high. I must have sleepwalked and done some really strong crack and, because of that, I'm now the highest person on planet earth." He sighed again, his own joke not even making him chuckle. "So, what's the weather patrol do?"
"Oh, you know, weather stuff. Right now, they're going to make it rain."
"Of course. How could I have been so ignorant. The weather patrol fucks with weather."
"You know, if you still can't find a way home and don't want to be stuck out in the rain, you can come home with me and stay with Bonny and I."
"At this point...I don't have much of a choice."
"So, you'll come?"
"Yeah."
"Awesome! Follow me!" Lyra took off back to Ponyville.
Zach shook his head. "Lead the way...weird horse lady."
Author's Notes:
Ok, first off, I'm VERY SORRY for the long wait. For those who still don't know from my blog, I recently moved from Illinois to California. After moving from different states, searching for a job and then DOING that job, I've had no time to write, nor do I have the desire to. I'll still continue " Three Years", but life has drained me quite a bit, so don't expect massive chapters or quick updates. The Lyra of this story is based a little off my wife and her antics. She actually finds this version of Lyra hilarious.
And now, like all my stories, a fun fact!
FUN FACT:
You guys are awesome! Thanks for all the likes and favs!
Zach, The Monster Of Ponyville!
As Zach and Lyra returned to Ponyville, Lyra was positively beaming. Finally, after years of mockery, insults and being the laughing stock of the field anthropology(of which she was the only member in the entire region. Probably why ponies made fun of her) she would finally be vindicated! For the first time, she had proof! Undeniable, incontrovertible proof!
And she couldn't wait to rub it in Bon Bon's face!
And the Canterlot University.
...and her mom who never had any faith in her particular field of study!
Well who's laughing now, MOM!?
Lyra looked back to make sure the human was still following. He was and seemed to be watching the trees as they passed by. Oh hairless monkey dude...what secrets are held within your mind!?
When she turned back around, she could see the edge of town on the horizon...
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"Did you...did you see it?" Asked Daisy.
"Yeah." Responded Lilly. "I was just coming back from the spa when I saw it. Did you see the size of that thing?! It was enormous!"
"I know." Daisy, at the thought of the monster that walked through town, hid slightly under her stall. "It walked right by my stall! I thought it would find me for certain! I thought that would be the end of me! It was awful!"
"Bet it came from the Everfree. I swear, we should just torch that forest and be done with it!"
"I agree! We should-" Daisy stopped mid sentence as she stared off into the distance.
"What, what is it?"
She raised a hoof and pointed.
There, on the edge of town, was Lyra...and that...thing!
"Oh, Celestia, it's back!" She then grabbed her sister and made a break for her home.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"I think your friends are afraid of me." Said Zach, noticing that the tiny equines of the town were, once again, fleeing at his presence.
"Yeah, we ponies are a skittish bunch. " Responded Lyra. "Don't worry, they'll warm up to you if you give them enough time!"
"Um, sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm not staying here...wherever here is. I'm searching for a way home. Don't expect me to get all chummy with people I'll probably only know for about a couple days."
At the mention of his desired departure, Lyra became slightly crestfallen. Her ears flattened against her head. "Oh, yeah, forgot you want to leave."
Seeing her sad expression, Zach sighed. "Look, you seem like a very nice...creature, and thank you for offering your home to me, but...I have life I need to get back to. I can't stay here forever. Look, I'll stay for a little while, maybe even more than a couple of days, but I have to leave eventually. ok?"
"...ok. It's just...your a human and I've always wanted to meet one and..."
"And what?"
" You know...do stuff"
"What kind of stuff?"
".....human stuff."
Zach facepalmed.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Zach and Lyra arrived at her home a few minutes later. Moving through the town, Zach once again took note of how all the little equines watched him from the shadows. None dared to be seen out in the open, preferring to watch from their windows or behind the corners of buildings.
"Man, they really don't want me here." Zach commented.
"Oh, come on, they're just wary of you. You're a new, unknown species. They don't know what to think of you. Is their reaction really that odd? Wouldn't one of your people do the same?" Responded Lyra.
"Honestly, I don't think so. The actions might be similar, but the reasoning is different. If one of my people were to meet an alien race, we would be wary, of course, but at least we would make an effort at approaching it. We would be cautious, but determined. Here...all I see is fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear so strong that it stops them from even seeing me directly, choosing to watch and hide behind glass and stone."
Lyra took a moment to absorb what he just said. After about half a minute, she looked at Zach then back to her house. "Well, you wanna come inside?"
Zach looked at the house as well, noting the...smallness of it. "Um...I don't think I'm actually gonna be able to fit through the door. I almost forgot how tiny everything is here."
"Nonsense! I'm sure we can find you a way in!"
Zack looked at her, then looked at the door to her home. The door barely made it up to his waist. "You'll have to forgive me if I doubt that." He stated.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Well, it took some effort, and some sore limbs, but Lyra eventually managed to get Zach into the house. She felt it was best to put him in the kitchen, what with it being the room with the highest ceiling.
"Sorry it's a little cramped. You're a little bigger than the average pony." Said Lyra, rubbing the back of her head with her hoof.
"It's alright. Not like it'll be permanent. I can deal with the small pace for a little while."
"Awesome! Thanks for being so understanding!"
Zach, pretty much bending over so his head wouldn't smack against the roof, sat down next to the kitchen table. Crossing his legs, he leaned back against the wall. "Man, pretty good to sit down. And you're welcome."
As Zach closed his eyes, taking the moment to rest from all the walking he did earlier, he looked over at Lyra. She cocked her head to the side in adorable confusion. "What?" She asked.
"Nothing, it's just...this whole thing is weird. I wake up in a random forest, meet a civilization made of tiny, tiny equine-like creatures, almost get molested by one of said creatures and it isn't even noon! I'm still not entirely sure that I'm not dreaming...or high as fuck."
"I said I was sorry about that! It was a spur of the moment comment! I had to stop you from running somehow! And, you know, it was totally not a slip of the mind at seeing the creature I've obsessed about my entire life right in front of me. You know, I'm surprised at how well you're taking this whole thing."
"Meh, I got my freaking the fuck out out of the way when I first saw you coming towards me. I'm now calm as a butterfly. Or anything that is equally as calm as that. I'm not good with analogies."
Before Lyra could respond, a look of discomfort crossed her face. "Un, hey, I..uh...have to use the little mares room. I'll be right back."
Zach watched as she left the kitchen, the tiny door swinging behind her. He turned his head to the kitchen table. There were several papers on the surface. Zach would have stopped from being nosy, if it wasn't for the fact that, on the very first page, in big red letters, were the words
"My Human Hubby."By Lyra Heart- Lyre Heartpull
"Oh, I know I'm going to regret this." He picked up the papers and organized them into a neat stack, then flipped to the first page and began reading.
Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, there lived a unicorn mare named Lyra Lyre. She was a very beautiful mare, with turquoise fur and golden eyes. She lived in Canterlot, and knew many powerful ponies. One day she wished upon a star that a human would appear. She loved humans. The shooting star granted her wish and suddenly a human appeared before her.
"Hello" said the human. "I'm here to grant you your wish and give you the pleasure you so desire."
"Yes!" said Lyre. "The shooting star answered my wish and now you've come to be my husband! Now,let us head to the bedroom to-
"I think that's enough of that." Zach said, putting the papers back on the table.
So engrossed in the zaniness of that very amateur fanfic, Zach didn't pay attention to the door to the house opening and the clop of hooves getting nearer to the kitchen. Just as he put the pieces of paper back, there was a sharp intake of air from the direction of the kitchen door. He turned to see a cream colored mare with blue and pink stripes in her burlesque style hair cut.
Zach put on his most un-threatening smile and waved his hand. "Um....hi!"
Author's Notes:
FUN FACT!
I GOT FIRED! GO TO HELL OAKLEY, YOUR SUNGLASSES ARE OVER-HYPED ANYWAY!
Handcuffed To A Radiator
Bon Bon, despite the initial surprise of seeing a massive creature in the kitchen, calmed down immediately. She raised her eyebrows slightly and scanned Zach with her eyes.
"Well damn, I owe Lyra six hundred bits. Mind moving so I can make a sandwich." Asked Bon Bon.
Zach, with what little room he had, scooted over, allowing Bon Bon access to the pantry that was positioned on the opposite side of the kitchen. The mare's reaction to Zach actually confused him. Unlike the townsponies and Lyra, this new mare had a look of pure...indifference. Like he was old news or an aging fad. He was neither good news nor bad news...just another minor detail in her otherwise normal life.
"So..." Zach began.
"Yes?" Bon Bon responded after putting flowers on a piece of bread.
"You...you don't want to know what I am?" He asked.
Bon Bon chucked slightly at this. "Please, I already know more than enough. Have to admit, I always thought Lyra was batshit insane, but when she wants something she finds a way to get it. You have my condolences, by the way. I pray she doesn't hurt you too badly."
This unnerved the poor human. "Hurt me?" He asked, somewhat reluctant to hear her reply.
"I don't know how long you've been in contact with Lyra, but if you've ever spent at least five minutes with that mare, you'd know that when it comes to humans, Lyra Heartstrings is about as free from inhibitions as the Diamond Dog Badlands is free of soap."
Zach scratched the back of his head. "Yeeeeeeeah, I got that impression. She demanded that I pump her full of my baby batter in the very same sentence that she said hello to me for the first time."
"And yet, you're here. None of that turned you off or made you think gee, this lady is weird, best to run away?"
"Actually, yes."
"Then what in the wide world of Equestria compelled you to come here?" She said, genuinely curious as to why someone would actually desire to be in the presence of somebody as crazy, fucked up and over-all purely obsessive...as Lyra Heartstings. Lyra...Mother Fucking...Heartstrings.
"It was going to rain. She offered me a place to stay."
"That's it? You didn't want to get wet? That's the sole reason?"
"Pretty much."
Bon Bon facehoofed, then chuckled darkly. "You really have no idea who you're dealing with, do you? Let me put it this way. For all intents and purposes, whether you want it or not, you are now that mare's sole attention in life. I shudder thinking of what she'll do to you."
"Really? I highly doubt she's that bad."
"You're facing an enemy you can't even begin to comprehend." She shook her head.
"Enemy? Pffft, she's, like only this high off the ground." His hand went downwards and rested next to a spot just slightly above the knee. "I think I'm out of her weight class by just a smidge."
"You'll see. You should know that the rain is scheduled for at least a day. You do realize that means you'll be staying the night, don't you? You're going to have to be in the same house...all night long...with her lurking somewhere on the premises."
"I still think I'll be fine."
Bon Bon shrugged her shoulders. "Ok, but don't be surprised if you wake up in the middle of the night, naked and handcuffed to a radiator."
Zach would have responded, but he and Bon Bon both noted the sounds of hooves coming down the stairs.
"I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack." Lyra practically sang as she returned to the kitchen. "Sorry I took so long, I-Bonny!" She shouted in surprise at seeing her friend and housemate. She ran over and embraced her friend. "When did you get home?"
"Oh, just a few minutes ago."
"Awesome! Glad you're home, Bonny. I see you met Zach. So, what were you two talking about?"
"Oh, nothing, just about some mare."
"Really? Who? Do I know her?"
"More than you realize." Bon Bon said that last sentence in a whisper. "I'm going to go eat my sandwich in the living room. You two have fun." With that, Bon Bon picked up her plate and left the kitchen, leaving the human and aqua colored pony to their own devices. Zach watched the cream colored mare leave, then turned towards Lyra. There's no way that this small, generous and, dare he say it, adorable creature could be as bad as Bon Bon stated. Could she?
It was then that Zach noticed Lyra was wearing makeup.
It's gonna be a long night.
Author's Notes:
So good to have this latest chapter done. Sorry for such short chapters, by the way, but I work best with small, bite-sized pieces. Once again, you can thank my wife for helping me come up with story ideas and dialogue. If you have a story idea and you think it's interesting enough, just pm me and I'll think about adding it to the story.
Also, my wife and I are starting a new story. It something that's actually kinda similar to "INFESTATION" as it involves inflation, oviposition and pregnancy. We've decided to call it "PURITY", given the fact that it's going to be a kinky ALIEN/MLP crossover involving a bunch of impregnated mares, so if you're interested in the stuff, be on the look-out. While this story has small chapters, that one will probably be a bit bigger in terms of chapters size.
And now....a fun fact!
FUN FACT
I like the Star Wars prequels.
Yup, I went there. I don't care what you think or that you will most likely threaten me with death, torture or, hell, even both. I LIKE the Star Wars prequels. Prepare you ak-47s and chainsaws, cause I aint budging on this topic!
(hides in a corner and waits for the end)
Magical Handy
As rain began to beat down heavily on Lyra's home, Zach knew he was now officially out of options; going out there meant getting drenched to the bone. He sat back and let his head rest on the wall and sighed lightly.
'Well, at least I'm getting a free meal out of this,' he thought to himself. While he may not be able to leave, Lyra had insisted that she make dinner for him. So now she was in the kitchen, slaving away at... well, honestly, he didn't know what she was making. He just hoped it wasn't hay or grass. He hated the taste of grass.
He looked over to his left. The mare, who he discovered was named Bon Bon, was lying on the sofa, eating her sandwich and flipping the pages of a novel. While not at all un-friendly, Bon Bon had been less enthusiastic to meet him than Lyra had. A fact that he was grateful for. He was thankful for Lyra's offer to house him, but her over-enthusiastic behavior could get a little grating. Bon Bon, however, was a nice reprieve from that.
The two merely nodded at each-other when their eyes met, then went on back to doing their own activities.
So... this was what it's like living in an alternate dimension where the primary sapient species was tiny, vaguely horse like things. Overall, he'd rate the experience as... 'meh.'
***
From her position in the doorway, Lyra could see him sitting cross-legged on the floor with his back leaning against wall. Her and Bonbon's house wasn't built to house a monster his size. His head actually managed to rest comfortably against the window pane which was nested right in the middle of the wall and a decent height from the floor. She smiled, her face half-hidden behind the doorframe. She decided that was enough, lest he find her staring at him, and went back to the kitchen to continue making dinner. She hoped he would find the meal she was making to his liking. If she remembered correctly from all the old, dusty mythology books she read, humans enjoy a diet of meat and plants. Fortunately, Lyra has been stocking up just in case a human were to ever come by.
Yup, the fridge is packed a-plenty with celery and pig testicles for just this occasion!
Her face broke into a wide grin. “There’s a HUMAN in my house!” She squealed, stomping her hooves. “Fuck me with Celestia’s sun, an ACTUAL human!” She spent years wishing for this day! So many nights, she laid in her bed staring up into blackness, daring, no, DEMANDING that the universe show her a human.
And now a real human— like, a really real human of the Real variety— was really hanging out in her study, probably thumbing through one of Bonbon’s really trashy romances— with thumbs. Real ones!
Her eyes glinted and she suddenly stopped seeing the stew pot in front of her. Instead, a massive banquet. A pleased human. Pleased, but not satisfied. She saw him toss over the table, a fixated march over to her much smaller form. He’d wrap her up in his wickedly strong forelimbs and steal her away to the bedroom. His intense animal eyes would—
She blinked and shook away the daydream.
'Okay, c'mon Lyra. Steps 2 through 10 can’t happen', she reminded herself, 'if you botch Step 1 by burning his meal.' Zach was a meat eater, and even though stuff with blood in it was hard to come by outside of the Gryphon Kingdom, she’d partnered with the Apple Family to ensure she’d always have a nearby source at hoof!
"Operation ‘Something Something Get Myself Impaled on a Human Dick and Get Preggerz with Half Breed Children’ is GO!"
***
About an hour later, Lyra poked her head out of the kitchen and announced that dinner was ready. Zach's stomach rumbled at the announcement, making him realize that he hadn't eaten since the previous night and was quite hungry. Moving to the kitchen, he crouched in order to fit into the room, again taking note of how small the kitchen actually was and how he should position himself so that the others weren't bothered. It took a little planning but he was able to fit nicely at the corner of the dinning room table.
The whole thing was actually kind funny. To the ponies, the table was an average size dinning table. But to Zach, it was like eating at a very authentic Japanese restaurant. It was less like a table and more like a very large tray with food on top. And the food itself looked and smelled pretty good. Zach got comfortable and examined the meal in front of him. It was a soup of some kind, made up of a dark green broth with pieces of celery as well as... something else floating in it. They looked little meatballs, but different than any kind he's had before.
Less like ground hamburger and more fleshy with a pink color to them.
Actually, the color reminded him of pork.
"Thank you for the food, Miss Heartstrings. I know you didn't have to make me anything to eat, but I appreciate that you did." Zach said. He felt he had to say something, lest his hosts believe him to be ungrateful for their hospitality.
While Zach had only the most sincere intentions, the formal tone of his voice and choice of words struck a chord in Lyra.
'Human faces are still a lot harder to decipher than I originally thought, what with the lack of ears taking away my 3rd favorite visual clue. But that tone of voice he has... NOpony speaks that diplomatically. I crossed some sort of boundary somewhere? He's pensive, for sure,' Lyra thought.
She started to get nervous. She began to replay her memory of the last hour like a video tape, trying to pinpoint were it all went wrong and why. She spent more than a second doing this, not realizing that Zach was expecting some kind of verbal reply.
"You ok?" Zach asks.
Lyra was brought back instantly by the sound of his voice. Realizing he'd been waiting this whole time, her heart began to beat faster and her lungs constrict slightly, knowing that she'd committed a social faux pas. "No problem!" She shouted, hoping the speed and overall loudness of her voice will somehow delete the time she wasted moments ago. "I just wanna show you a good time before you go!"
"Well, thank you. It does mean a lot that you've put so much effort into this."
"You're very welcome."
He looked down at the meal. "Anyway, do you mind if I start?" He said, pointing down at the hilariously small bowl of soup with a spoon sticking out of the side.
Lyra nodded her head. "Of course, feel free to dig in!" This conversation wasn't stilted at all.
Bon Bon's ears twitched and she looked at Lyra. The tone Lyra was using in her voice was telling. Her friend had just suffered through some bad social interaction and that caused her anxiety to kick into overdrive. And when Lyra gets nervous..., Bon Bon gets nervous. The way Lyra acts when her emotions get the better of her is a frightening thing. So many times in the past, Bon Bon has witnessed her close friend creating chaos out of thin air from nothing more than a simple bit of anxiety.
And that was her cue to leave.
Pulling back from the table, Bon Bon spoke. "Hey, uh, I had that sandwich earlier and I'm still kinda full from that, so I think I'm just going to skip dinner and go upstairs and head off to bed."
Lyra turned to her quickly retreating friend. "Oh, ok, see you late-." Her reply was cut short as Bon Bon practically galloped out the kitchen door, into the living room and then up the stairs. Lyra and the human heard a door slam shut from somewhere above the ceiling. 'Well, that was odd.' Lyra's ear swiveled from the sound, going lax. The chair Bonny occupied was empty. There was only Zach in front of her. Like a true dinner date. 'She wanted to give us privacy!' Lyra heart soared. 'Oh, Bonny, you're so sweet! Just for that, I'm going to make you the maid-of-honor at our wedding! I mean... I was going to make you the maid-of-honor anyway, but this seals the deal!'
Her attention shifted back to the mythical creature she was eating with. Not wanting to waste the opportunity, Lyra tried doing some small talk.
Only to realize that she has nothing to say.
'In all my years of wishing that a human would descend from the stars and grace me with its presence, I never planned out a dinner date scenario. Not once,' She thought. 'How could this have slipped my mind!?' Her heart quickened again and her legs bounced subtly in her chair. 'Say something! Anything!' Her mind screamed at her. "Heh heh... uh, so, are gonna take a bite?" She blurted out.
"Oh, yeah. Again, thanks for the food." Zach grabbed the tiny spoon and began to swirl the soup before lifting the spoon and taking a bite. The flavor was...not bad, just a little different than what he was used to. Again, it all reminded him of some kind of pork dish. In fact, he was certain of this. It's so familiar, yet he couldn't place what piece of the pig was used. "You know, this is actually pretty good!"
Lyra's chest swelled confidently. "You think so? I've never cooked with meat before! I... I'm not actually much of a meat eater and, uh, I wasn't brave enough to try out my own soup, so I just made normal pea and celery soup and added pickled pig testicles at the last second."
Zach stopped eating, spoon frozen in mid bite.
"You know," Lyra continued "pony-kind doesn't eat meat at all, but we still have uses for pig skin leather. We send our pigs out of the country to the Gryphon Kingdom where they separate the meat from the skin and they sell us back the leather. It's kind of interesting, this set up our two nations got going." She smiled as she idly stirred her own soup. She then rested her spoon inside the bowl and used her magic to wrap a piece of her barley grass side dish around her fork. It made it into her mouth and stayed there when she looked back at Zach. He was staring wide-eyed at her. 'Why is he looking at me like that?'
"Wh...what?" He said, cautiously, as if dreading to hear her repeat herself. 'Surely she didn't say...'
"Oh yeah, sorry." She chewed, swallowed, and got back into teaching mode. "There are these creatures I'm not sure you've heard of called 'Gryphons.' They look like part-bird, part-big-savanna-cat hybrids. Anyway, they eat meat and their nation borders Equestria-"
"No, no, that's not what I meant. I meant, what, as in what did you put in the soup?"
"Celery, peas, and pig testicles."
"Oh, god, gross! What the hell is wrong with you. Think I'm gonna be sick!" Zach coughed as his stomach practically lurched in his abdomen. He balled his fist and put it in front of his mouth in a symbolic attempt to keep the vomit down.
The mare straightened in her chair, ears folding back. "The lore I read said 'humans eat meat!' I fed you the only meat we had in the house!" she defended.
"Testicles! Why testicles!?"
"Meat is meat!"
"Not THAT kind of meat. Anything but balls! I'll eat anything but pig balls!"
Lyra recoiled. Her human was yelling at her. If she doubted before whether she crossed the line, now she knew. "I'm sorry, I didn't know! Okay? The books I have mentioned nothing about which parts of the meat are— Look, I'm sorry. We don't have slaughterhouses in Equestria. The only fleshy body parts we separate from animals are testicles. It was the only thing we had."
Zach pushed the bowl to the middle of the table, trying to signify that he was done eating. There was a moment of silence before Lyra broke it.
"I'm sorry." She started. " If I knew that was offensive to you in some way I wouldn't have made it! I'm sorry... really sorry." Lyra lowered her head and began to sniffle.
"It's... it's ok. I over reacted." Zach replied. "Look... I just don't think I can eat this. Some people might be able to eat animal balls, but I'm not one of them." The comment made him chuckle. He never thought, in all his life, he'd have to explain why he doesn't like to munch on a creature's land-oysters. He looked at Lyra, who was close to tears. "Again... I'm sorry. It was just a slight overreaction. It's actually not that bad of a thing. The whole thing was more surprise than anything else."
"R-really?" She sniffled again.
"Yeah, really. I'm fine now."
"That's good." She blinked and rubbed away one of the tears with her hoof.
For a while, the two just sat there in silence.
While the whole misunderstanding was dealt with rather quickly, there was now an awkward silence that persisted between them. Often, they would be looking in the other direction, make eye contact for a split second, then turn away again. No one spoke. Just the shifting of bodies within chairs could be heard. While this might not have been the best of circumstances, it was relatively tame compared to everything that's happened so far.
Unfortunately... Lyra just had to fuck it up.
The silence began to eat away at her, her anxiety and paranoia once again going into overdrive. So frightened was she at the prospect of leaving a bad impression, so terrified at the thought of Zach disliking her, that she did something... drastic.
A golden aura appeared around Lyra's horn and someplace within the room, a zipper could be heard descending.
Author's Notes:
Hello all, I've got some important news this time around. First, you should all be happy to know that cover art for Three Years is currently in the works. It's taken me weeks and a lot of effort and patience, but I've nearly got it completed and it should be up pretty soon.
One more thing. As of this chapter, I'm submitting this story to Rage Reviews. Why, you may ask? Because I'm so starved for comments and social interaction that I'm totally willing to have my story criticized an ripped apart just for some relief. Yes...I'm a comment whore.
And, like always...
FUN FACT!
Did you know, I'm a total pussy when it comes to horror games? I just purchased the HD remake of the original Resident Evil and my fear is so bad that I usually only play when my wife is sitting beside me, giving me emotional support!
Somedays...You Go...Through The Rain...
"Stop! Wait, please wait!" Yelled Lyra as she chased Zach through the house and out the door. When Zach realized what she was dong with her magic, he immediately jumped up, causing him to smack his head on the ceiling. After that, it was nothing but hurried movement and profanity laced language on Zach's part. He cussed her out and rushed towards the door. Flinging it open, he crawled outside and, when he finally got to his feet, he ran. He didn't know what direction he was speeding off to, nor did he care. All he wanted was to leave her and the rest of the town behind.
And there was Lyra, watching him run, going far too fast for her to catch up.
He slowed when he felt that he outran her for good and stopping completely when he actually exited the town area and found himself along a dirt road. Now that he was far from her, he allowed his emotions to be expressed without interference.
"The fucking NERVE of her!" He shouted, the heavy rain slightly muffling his fury. "That bitch! Ugh! I've had it! I've fucking had it!" He turned back around, faced Ponyville and promptly threw up his middle finger. " Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you and fuck you!" Everything, everything about today, from how it began to just now...has been nothing but a downward spiral. And it finally took its toll on him. Zach was at his wits end and getting sexually molested by a tiny horse girl with telekinetic powers was the final straw.
As Zach continued to march down the dirt trail, one of his boots sunk into a rather deep hole. Upon pulling his foot free, the mud formed a suction on his boot, yanking the footwear off his lower leg. Furious, Zach reached down, pulled the boot free of its muddy prison and threw it in frustration.
At first, with the rage, anger and adrenalin fueling his body, he felt he could take on anything. And so, he marched onwards, paying no attention to the rain, his surroundings or where he was even going. All he wanted was to be as far away from that town as possible.
After about half an hour, the anger that once gave him such strength and power...was finally sapped from his system. It's a draining feeling, when one's anger finally dies down. The power and energy that you once felt is almost immediately replaced with hollowness, like every muscle in your body just ran its own personal marathon and was begging for some rest. It leaves you feeling tired and drained.
Zach slumped over to a nearby tree and put his forehead on the trunk. When he left Lyra's place he felt as though he could take on the world, now though, he felt exhausted. He turned and sat down at the base of the tree trunk. He didn't even care about the mud staining his pants. Letting the rain drench his hair and skin and clothes, Zach pinched the bridge of his nose.
'What happened?' He thought to himself. 'No, really, what happened? What the fuck did I do to deserve this. Why am I here? Why did I get sent here?! God, whatever I did to piss you off, I'm sorry! Just take me home!'
No answer from god, only the constant sound of rainfall met his ears.
"Of course." He muttered, then hung his head.
Earlier, when he told Lyra that he wasn't afraid of being in a completely different world, without his family and friends...he lied.
The truth was, right now, he was terrified beyond measure. He didn't know what he was going to do, how he was going to get home, or even whether or not his friend were ok themselves.
Were they alright? Did his friends get sent to the same universe? Did they end up somewhere else? What if they're still at the camp and are trying to find him back in his world? What if they got sent to an even more dangerous world than this one...and didn't make it?
What would his family think?
He thought of his mother. She would be worried sick! She'd wonder what happened to her boy and whether or not he was alive. It would break her heart.
And that was the final straw.
It was like everything about the day was out to get him in some way. Here he was in some fucked up alternate dimension, completely lost with no way of knowing how to get home, with no friends or family and completely drenched from head to toe in rain and mud. He started to cry, not being able to take the fate he was dealt.
***
Bon Bon lied on her bed, flipping through the pages of a particularly trashy romance novel. What a hollow feeling it was, though. She couldn't quite immerse herself. Thoughts kept pulling her away.
'check up on your friend, Bonnie'
Bonbon licked her hoof to turn the page. Her book was getting good anyhow, and if she focused, she could actually manage to entertain herself while Lyra was busy with her dinner date.
'You know what she's like.'
This was the part in the story where Honor Bound's statue had just been found by the magi and they were about to resurrect-
Furniture hit hardwood flooring a room beneath her. "Stop! Wait, Please wait!"
Well, that didn't take long.
“Well, my paper back hero, it looks like the pony calling my name in longing won't be you this evening. Maybe I'll catch 'ya by the seaside. We can have lunch.” Bon Bon dogeared her page. The book got slid under the bed.
Like many, Bon Bon took up this certain genre of literature to get more love in her life. Without a lover to call her own, she substituted the whole situation with romance stories, often accompanied with a bucket of mint chocolate ice cream, to get that feeling of warmth and contentment.
Bon Bon would have liked to wait until the next chapter to check up on her buddy. But she knew herself and her friend too well. Bon Bon climbed completely off and stood passively beside the bed, at the ready.
…
...and that was the sound of a door being slammed shut. Mission confirmed.
She made her way downstairs. There, in the kitchen, she saw Lyra in the middle of running to and fro. The unicorn dashed up to a cracked dish, panicked at it, then ran to the table- overturned, by the way- panicked at it, to the spilled soup and the stain it left in the unlacquered hardwood, panicked at it, to the next point of interest. All without really doing anything at the places she stopped at.
'Ah, so it's entirely social,' Bon Bon thought. After years' worth of her roommate's little freak out sessions, Bonnie couldn't help but take notice when patterns emerged. The way Lyra ran, the things she ran to... '-and it's still salvageable.'
Bon Bon ambled on up. Incidentally, it was in Lyra's blind spot.
“Hi.”
“GAH!” The mare bolted upwards, but immediately calmed down. Bon Bon. It was just Bon Bon.
"Where is he?" The Earth pony's expression was neutral.
"O-out in the storm," Lyra choked out. When she turned, Bon Bon saw how matted the mare's cheeks were. “He hated me so much, he just left!”
Lyra crossed the distance between them to seek comfort from her roommate in the form of hugs and comforting words. Lyra self-deprecatingly called these stints "emotional foalsitting," but the unicorn cherished them. A cream leg rapped around her Lyra's shoulders. “Lyra....”
The aqua unicorn pulled back with red eyes which Bonbon guessed probably still stung with tears. “I really screwed up, Bonnie.”
“What happened? Sounded like quite the ruckus.”
“I... H-he didn't like the soup.”
Bon Bon turned her gaze to the royally fucked up dining area. “C'mon, Lyra. Be honest.” The monster was chill enough to walk home with his potential rapist and joke about it with Bonnie.
"Well, that was the start of it. I may have escalated things... when I may or may not have, and in fact, actually did, telekinetically touch him in a private place.”
"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear that."
"I said I...grabbed his penis with my magic."
"Still couldn't hear you."
"I said I GRABBED HIS PENIS WITH MY MAGIC! ”
Bon Bon backed up slightly, Lyra's shout somewhat surprising her “Huh. Didn't think you had it in ya'." Of course, what Lyra did was actually pretty bad and Bon Bon made sure to hammer that in. "Okay, being honest here, I think you’ve overstepped your bounds tonight. You dun goofed. Big time. ”
“I thought it would make everything go more smoothly! Male animals are all about sex!”
“Yeah…, see? That’s sexist,” Bonbon drawled out emotionlessly. She inhaled through her nostrils and blew frustrated air right back out them in her equivalent of a sigh. She suspected she wasn’t going to like what she was about to hear. “So, what’s your plan? I mean, besides whipping out an apology, I don’t see you doing much out—”
“You don't understand! I can't show my face to him again!”Lyra pulled back and grabbed Bonnie's shoulders, giving them a good shake. “The moment the human jumped up and slammed his head on the ceiling—I knew. Like every slow trainwreck metaphor in the world—I knew. That look on his face.” Said Lyra, ripping one hoof off her roommate and emphatically waving the now free hoof around at the upturned table. “He stood still in my dining room for a sec with the look of clean horror on his face. I leaped off my chair too and moved like sludge—like I was sludge swimming uphill hip-deep in other sludge. My mouth opened before it consulted my brain. And I was all like 'Bla-derla-blither-di-bla.' Words just sort of stumbled off my tongue in a big amorphous blob of not-actually-comprehensible— look, I didn't mean to overstep my bounds! I kinda knew I was, but what with him being a fairy-tale animal… what use does a beast have for social taboos?”
“Um... none? Glad to see you jumped a few rungs higher on the emotional ladder there, Lyra.” Bon Bon said, patting Lyra's shoulder very softly lest she tip over Lyra's teetering bucket of crazy.“You give me whiplash sometimes, you know?”
Lyra was suddenly crestfallen. “He left so quickly. I couldn't even keep up, couldn’t belt out the words 'I’m sorry.'” Lyra withdrew her forelegs from Bon Bon's shoulders. The unicorn's head drooped low.
Bon Bon sighed. “ I can't believe I'm going to say this, but... you should go after him. You're getting a one day pass.”
Lyra couldn't quite pull off the incredulous expression she was trying to do with those tears burning her eyes.
“You? Bon Bon, the mistress of 'that's-not-a-good-idea-Lyra,' 'stop-sticking-your-hooves-into-construction-equipment-Lyra'?”
“Yes. Me, Bon Bon, Mistress 'for-the-love-of-Celestia-don't-put-a-return-address-on-that-ransom-note—'”
“—Exactly once!”
“—and you wanna know why I, Mistress of reasonable-decision-making, think that Lyra Heartstrings should go chasing after a supernatural being?”
Lyra was silent now.
“Because... Because I keep thinking back to the pig testicles in the cupboard that you bought a year and a half ago. And before that, the folklore books. Before that, chalk and candles for séances. I keep wondering how many years before that had my crazy unicorn friend sunk into making sure that this one encounter, on the vanishingly small chance that it actually happened, would turn out okay?”
“...it's been seven, maybe eight years,” Lyra admitted.
“Lyra, there's a sickly thin hairless ape running around Ponyville, all scared and lonely. You should be wearing a shit-eating grin right now.”
A ghost of a smile developed on Lyra. She rubbed at a wet eye. “Today has been more than I could have hoped for...”
“Kind of an understatement, there. I never thought you'd see one—I still can't believe humans exist in modern day— and you not only got within toughing distance of one, you brought it in, served it dinner. All without chains or a chloroformed rag in sight.”
“Bon Bon.”
Bon Bon put her hooves up in mock surrender.“Hey. I'm not saying anything. I'm merely implying it.” Bon Bon looked to the side for a quick second. “So, um... what did it feel like?”
“It was an awkward dinner to end all awkward dinners. ”
“Uh-uh. That's not what I'm talken' about. What did it feel like?”
“Oh. OH! A, um... spongy mushroom.”
“Philosophy's greatest mysteries of 'what is it like to touch a supernatural being?' Spongy mushroom? M'kay, Makes sense. Now... how much of a lead did you say this creatures has?”
***
Hoof met puddle and the chill sent a thrill through Lyra. This felt so much like her childhood. She used to do a lot of human hunting in her old backyard under her bedroom window. Always in the rain, always at night. Always so naughty and fun to do it on a school night. Lyra looked ahead at the wet townscape in front of her with confidence. Lyra heartstrings. Human hunter extraordinaire .
An eager smile somehow flitted to the surface. Lyra resisted the urge to telekinetically grab a stick and start whacking at the puddles like she used to do. This was the most serious business.
She started trotting. The human didn't leave any noticeable footprints because of the paved street. That meant he either followed the road or there would be mud prints off to the side somewhere. She strafed to the road's side to scan for non-pony prints. She felt giddy. She forced a stony expression. Her inner receptionist got the memo.
Other than how tall and real and humanishly human the human was— Still can't believe it! A Real human!— the first thing she noticed was how he really did clothe himself from head to heel.
He spent every moment of his time in clothing, not even stripping nude once he entered her house. Zach wasn't quite the spirit of opulence her texts said he ought to have been, but he was clothed, implying that he thought highly of himself. Meaning, he'd stay out of the mud.
Lyra slowed her trotting to scan the horizon rather than the gutter. The road right-angled off into alleys every few houses. 'Not making things too easy on me, are you Mister Human' She strained her neck, squinting against the rain. No obvious signs of destruction, so any smited... smite... smote... smoted smut... ugh past-tense-of-smite, whatever! pony— any smoodlee-pooped pony is either suffering silently or no angry humans came this way.
Lyra stopped entirely. She bent her head down to examine the wet cobble underhoof, her heart sinking. He might have plunged himself into any of these little rivulets and spirited himself back to Humi.
Lyra raised her head back up and scoffed. ‘That was a fanfic.’ A trickle of righteous indignation made its way into her veins. “And Berry Icicle couldn’t tell authentic human lore from a scenario in Sirens and Strongholds.” She stomped a hoof emphatically.
“Uh, Missy? Who you talken' to?” The brown head of a male Earth pony leaned out his window. Lyra was standing on somepony's lawn.
“Shut it! Stop looking at me with your judging eyes! By the way, you didn't happen to see any monsters come by here? He'd be a large, angry male love god dressed up all fancy. He's balding on most of his body and he's got these things that kinda look like possum's paws—”
The stallion slowly withdrew his head back into his house. The window closed. Followed shortly by the lights inside going out.
“That means Zack-er-ree didn't come this way!” Lyra shouted cheerfully. She danced in place on that guy's wet lawn. Her dancing ceased. “If he didn't come this way, where did he go?” Behind her, that stallion's curtains began drawing closed very very slowly.
“I know!” She exclaimed, smashing one hoof into the frog of her other hoof. “The human probably went someplace to feed!” Lyra spun on her hind legs and saluted the huge crowd of nopony. “Lyra, human hunter extraordinaire, promising to keep the streets safe from sexual rampage.” She bound off in the direction of Ponyville Marketplace.
***
“Nope.” That was pointless. Worse, actually.
For one thing, all the stalls were closed. Of course they would be, what with the rain and it being night and all.
Now the panic started to set in. No leads. Even less of a chance of spotting him in the dark. Gallivanting around the marketplace let a good amount of time pass and now Zach could be anywhere. He could be in any condition. Lyra's pinprick eyes darted to and fro.
“For Celestia's sake, WHERE?!” There she was, fidgeting on her hooves. If the smell of ozone was supposed to be reminding her of foalhood fun, it was failing. What she needed to do was get pragmatic.
The unicorn plopped down on her rain-soaked haunches right there on the cobble. She wanted to logically figure out where the human went based on human lore, but aside from which plains of existence they came from, she had nothing on their movement patterns.
The sky thundered behind her. Storm and town alike lit up for a split second. Lyra's eyes widened. There. She may have seen something. Suddenly, her heart started beating fast. Hope started to rise as she got to her hooves. Galloping. The thing she saw was a tall black mass off in the distance. It may not have been, but, oh, how she she wished it was he human.
She kept her eyes trained on the spot she saw the silhouette thing. She couldn't see it anymore when the gloom faded back in. She galloped through the marketplace, down a road leading over a bridge, through the thicket of houses, passed the— wait. Was that...
Lyra turned her head around. She rapped her hornfield around a fallen stick beside the road and levitated it so it could basically be a dim torch. The glowey stick flew ahead of her.
“...Zach?”
Zach raised his head.
***
'Here it goes.' Lyra approached slowly, grateful that her steps were muffled by the rain. "Hey." He looked her square in the eyes. She mentally braced herself for the inevitable onslaught of insults and profanities.
"Sup." He gave her a slight nod after speaking.
Well that didn't go like she thought it would.
"Can I sit next to you?" She asked, motioning with her hood to the spot next to him.
Zach shrugged his shoulders. "Depends, are you going to violate me again?"
Lyra sighed and looed down in shame. "I'm sorry about that. I know I really, really crossed a line. I did something wrong, and I'm sorry."
"Yeah, you did do something wrong. And...I'm glad you're sorry."
"You know, I only did it to please you. I thought you would like it! I mean, you're a male and males like that kind of thing."
"That sounds very sexist." He raised an eyebrow.
"That's what Bon Bon told me! I didn't know! I thought I was doing something nice for you! ok?"
"Something nice? Gee, thanks for molesting me, how thoughtful." He turned back around.
"You're a male! I honestly thought you'd like it!"
"Well, I didn't." He crossed his arms and gave her a look.
"Again, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." She turned away slightly, as if the look her gave her was physically hurting her.
She walked over and sat down next to him. They sat in silence for a few minutes, just listening to the rain and rushing of the river, before Lyra broke it. She realized that, while she was able to secure a spot next to him in the mud, she didn't get the answer she was looking for in terms of forgiveness.
"Do...do you forgive me?" She asked.
There was a long pause before he responded with. "Honestly...yeah."
That made her heart soar "Really? You're not just saying that?"
"Yeah, I forgive you."
She jumped up and proceeded to hug him. "Thank you! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou-"
"Ok!" He interrupted. "I get it!"
She pulled away, sheepishly. "Sorry."
"It's ok. It's all ok."
Again, that sat in silence for a few minutes, before Lyra turned to Zach. "Zach?"
"Yeah?"
"Why do you forgive me? When you left earlier, you looked so angry. I was certain that you'd never even want to see me again."
"Meh, it's nothing much. Just...earlier, when you did what you did, it was kinda like pulling the rug out from under someone. It wasn't really what you did, it was what you did in combination with everything else. I can't believe I'm about to say this, but...you grabbing my cock with your mind magic was not what set me off. At least...not all on its own."
"So, you just needed to vent. Time away to calm down?"
He scratched the back of his head. "I guess you could say that. It did feel really good to get all those feelings off my chest. I'm...I think I'm all better now."
"That's good!" Lyra smiled. "Um...are you ever gonna come back?"
"Actually, I was kinda already planning on doing that."
"Really? And here I thought it would be hard to get you back!"
"Yeah well, as much as I dislike it, I still need a place to stay. I honestly can't stay out here on my own forever."
"Yes!" She shouted.
"Don't get all giddy, though. If I'm coming back, we're going to have to set up some ground rules. For example, rule number one is you violate me like that again and I'm going to smack you so hard your head will spin around like a rotor blade. Understood?" He gave her a stern look.
Lyra gulped. "Understood. I told you though, I only did to make you comfortable!"
"You wanna make me comfortable? You can start by not magically grabbing my cock."
"Ok...ok, I get it, it won't happen again, I swear." There was a moment of silence between them. "Well, I mean...unless you ask for it."
"Look, let's get know each other a bit more before I start getting native with the natives. Alright?"
"Alright. Will you at least put in some effort? Like, if enough time passes..."
"We'll see. I don't know how long I'll be here and I won't promise anything...but we'll see."
Lyra smiled again. "Thanks."
Again, a pregnant pause persisted between them, ending only when Lyra speaks up. "Is there anything else I can do for you? I mean, I'll try my best to make your stay with me and Bonny pleasant."
Zach brought his fist up to his chin and struck a thinking pose. "Actually...yeah, there is."
"Name it."
He patted his stomach. "You got any of that soup left?"
***
Bon Bon was sitting at the kitchen table, awaiting the return of her friend and her friend's companion when an idea struck her. Curious, she got off her chair and walked over to the stove. The soup Lyra made was still there and it was apparently still warm. Taking one of the spoons from her silverware drawer, she dipped it into the pot and took a bite. Her reaction was immediate.
"Blech!" She spat. 'And she tried feeding him that?' She thought to herself. 'By the grace of the sun, that's awful!'
Bon Bon shook her head slightly, then smiled at the thought of her friend and her antics. Bon Bon then thought back to when Lyra first revealed her human obsession. She told Bon Bon that they were real, and that she'll eventually be proven right, that she'd rub in the nose of everypony that doubted her. 'Well, Lyra, looks like you've been vindicated. How long until you drag your new beau to your old college teacher and flaunt your discovery? '
Just then, the door to the house opens and she hears the familiar voice of her longtime friend. She just caught the tail-end of their conversation before they enter the kitchen and see her there.
"Everything go alright?" She asked. She turned to Zach. "So, what she do to bring you back here? Did she say sorry or just flat out bribe you?"
Zach attempted to answer, but Lyra beat him to it. "I said sorry! No bribe was needed...this time."
"We're fine, for now." Zach complimented. "She said sorry, I accepted and we're all good now. Though, there are going to be some rules. It was part of our forgiveness agreement."
"I'm not allowed to touch his penis." Lyra added.
Bon Bon nodded. "Good. Well...now that you guys have reconciled and are safe and sound, I'm going to go back to bed. You two going to be fine being by yourselves?" Bon Bon asked.
Lyra and Zach both looked at each other, nodded, then both turned back to Bon Bon. "Yeah, I think we're gonna be fine."
"Alright, I guess I'll see you both in the morning. Have a good night, you two."
Zach waved a little as Bon Bon walked through the kitchen doors and up the stairs. "You as well."
Again, Lyra and Zach were alone in the kitchen. The 'so called' creature of mythology and the self proclaimed expert that worshiped the ground he walked on, both together again in the same room as before. But this time, something felt different. As Zach looked at Lyra, he couldn't shake the feeling that it would turn out alright, that being here might not be as bad as he originally thought. Despite the unbelievable curveball, being thrust into a totally different world filled with impossible creatures, life may still turn out to be pretty ok.
For the first time in a while, Zach smiled.
***
PRESENT DAY
"And...I think that's where I'm going to stop, for now." Stated Zach, who was resting his elbows on the library's main table. Twilight took over for Spike after Zach had to stop several times to let the dragon catch up in his writing. After that, though, she was practically a whirlwind of paper and quills, using her abilities of magic and multitasking to write down every little detail that came from the human's mouth. Only now did she allow herself to stop, somewhat grateful that it was over, but also disappointed that this proverbial well of new knowledge had run dry.
"Aww, already? But we've barely scratched the surface. There's still so much I want to ask you!" Twilight replied.
Zach shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry, but it's getting late and I want to head home. I'll come back another time and tell you more, if that's alright?"
Twilight used her magic to bring over a calendar and quill . "Sure, that's ok. When would you like to do this again?"
"I got Wednesday free, how about then?"
"Wednesday it is then!" Twilight smiled and jotted the date down.
"Also, thanks for not interrupting much. I was afraid you and Lyra would-wait, where's Lyra?"
The two looked around until they heard a soft snoring noise. Turns out that Lyra's threat of telling "the real story" was a hollow one. She fell asleep some time ago and was now making a small puddle of slobber on Twilight's floor. Zach walked over and gently scooped the mare up in his arms. Using his shirt, he wiped away the remaining slobber on her lips. With Lyra still in his arms, he turned to Twilight.
"Well, I think I'm going to go now." He made his way over to the door of the library.
"Ok, have a safe walk home." Twilight muttered.
"I will. Have a good night, Miss Sparkle."
"You too."
With that, the human ducked under the door and exited the treehouse.
For a moment, Twilight thought about the creature that was just in her home. The story it told, so far, was quite intriguing and the interactions it had with the ponies around town was a wonderful look into its social behavior. She then noted the relationship between it and the aqua mare who seemed way too attached to him for her own good. She thought about how he seemed very mean to Lyra. At first glance, it would appear that he dislikes her.
'But if that's the case, why did he pick her up so gently? Why did he even pick her up at all?' Twilight thought. 'He could have very well just left her hear for me to kick out later. Or he could have woken her up and told her he was going without any remorse and just leave as she was stirring.' She brought a hoof up to her chin. 'But no, he actually picked her up, doing so in the quietest way possible and even gently wiped the drool of her muzzle.'
She looked over at all the notes she collected that day. Especially the ones featuring any interaction between Zach and Lyra.
'Perhaps, there's more to their relationship than he's choosing to let on? Or maybe...he doesn't even see it himself?'
Author's Notes:
Ok, so, bit of announcement here. I know it's been quite some time since I've released a chapter for this, and I'm incredibly sorry for taking so long. But, to be fair, I have several good reasons.
One, I've been working on several other stories for months now. Little-by-little I've been adding paragraphs and scenes to them and they'll soon be ready for viewing here on Fimfiction very soon.
Two, I originally had much of this chapter completed way earlier, but I deleted it. I felt that what I wrote was not up to the quality that I desire and, as the author, I did not want to create something without giving my best. So, I deleted it and started a large piece of it all over from scratch.
Again, a great deal of thanks goes out to my wife, who's ability to craft pieces of literature are far above my own. Without her, this story wouldn't even be half as good as it is. She's been a major contributor to all of my stories and deserves a lot of credit as quite a few scenes in this were made entirely by her.
I've also listened to those critics who claimed my chapters were too short. I hope that five-thousand words is better and that you guys and gals enjoy the longer chapter length.
One last thing. I've reread some of my own stuff and I think the critics who said that Spike was very ooc were correct. I'm probably going to be toning down Spike's rebellious and vulgar behavior. He was way out of character. Just think of it like he's got some crazy hormones from being a growing dragon.
And, like always....
FUN FACT!
The first downvote on my stories is always mine. Unlike some authors who are so arrogant as to put the first upvote on their own stories, I do the opposite. Why, you might ask? Because, the moment I accept my work as good is the moment I stop growing as an author. My work can never be good enough and there is always potential for improvement!
Special Brownies
Zach's eyes opened, his slumber having ended, and sat upright in his bed. He looked around in confusion. Unlike almost every morning, Lyra was surprisingly absent this time. 'Odd.' He thought. Usually, she's there bright and early, pestering him to get his lazy ass out of bed. 'Wonder why she's not here now?' He swiveled his body around and planted his bare feet on the cold floor. Rubbing his eyes and then yawning, he stood up, got dressed and went downstairs.
Entering the kitchen, he noted that there was a letter on the table. Looking around and not finding Lyra or Bon Bon anywhere, he picked it up and began to read.
Zach, Bon Bon was going to have a really busy day today at the shop, so she asked me to come along and help. I didn't have anything else to do so I agreed. Sorry I didn't wake you up like a usually do. I did make you some food before I left, though. Should still be in the fridge if you're hungry, my lickable honeybun.
With love, Lyra Heartstrings
He put the note down and went over to the fridge. Spotting a plate of pancakes he assumed was meant for him, he brought them over to the table and began eating. After dousing them in syrup and taking a bite, he realized just how quiet it was without the other two. It was almost creepy, how silent everything was. He swore that he could actually hear ponies all the way outside, talking and walking and going about their daily lives. He could hear the distinct ticking of the nearby clock and every bite and chew of his food was borderline deafening.
He had the meal, but none of the sunny smiles he'd become accustomed to. No one to talk to or interact with. Nothing to break the silence and keep his mind occupied.
He soon finished his meal and did, well, nothing. He spent the past hour or so just wandering the house, flipping through pages of magazines and books and overall just being bored. Today wasn't one of his work days and he didn't really feel like going outside, and with both Lyra and Bon Bon gone there was no one to interact with. There wasn't anything to do at home and the boredom was beginning to mount!
As if god heard his plight, there was a knock on the front door. 'Lyra?' Zach got up from his seat and walked over to the door. He would never just openly admit it, but he really did enjoy and cherish Lyra and Bon Bon's company. They were his closest friends, almost like family to him. Not only that, they were excellent at keeping boredom at bay. Without any television, internet or video games, Equestria could become quite boring. But at least there was always Lyra and Bonny.
Unfortunately, the pony at the front door was neither Lyra or Bon Bon.
Twisting the handle, he pulled it open and looked down. There, on his welcome mat, sat a green coated pony with what appeared to be dark red dreadlocks as her mane. The pony looked up at him and greeted him with a wave of her hoof.
"Greetings, bald, massive, tailless monkey man!"
"Um...hello?" He greeted back.
"My name is Tree Hugger and I'm a part of the Equestrian Society For The Preservation Of Rare And Endangered Creatures. I hope you don't mind, but I'd really like to chat with you a bit. You know, just to get a sense of your living conditions and overall happiness."
"Why?"
"It's, like, part of the job, dude. I have to make sure that one of Faust's most endangered creatures is enjoying his life and is living happily amongst ponykind"
"Again...why?"
"It's, like, part of the job."
"You already said that!" He raised his voice a little higher than he intended.
"Woah, dude, your vibes are, like , all over the place. You should really chill. It's clear through your vibes that there's something upsetting you. I'd really like it if we could talk about it, amongst other things. I promise, I won't take much of your time."
Zach looked away scratched the back of his head, still unsure about the mare in front of him. "How much time?"
"I promise I won't be more than five minutes."
"Five minutes?"
"Yeah, dude."
Zach weighed his options. On one hand, he really didn't want to be bothered and was having a nice, quiet morning all to himself. On the other hand, the 1960's reject was only asking for five minutes of his time and it sounded like being here was an official part of her job. Not wanting to be rude, Zach finally relented and opened the door for her. He figured five minutes wouldn't be that big of a deal.
Right?
Tree Hugger trotted in, her eyes scanning the massive kitchen. "Like, wow, I think I can check off living space in my review."
"That's good, I take it?" He watched Tree Hugger nod her head. "So, what is that you wanted to talk about?"
"Oh, nothing much. I'm just going to ask you some minor questions, like if you're getting enough food or have enough living space."
Zach mulled the words over in his head. His spirits lifted, somewhat. What the mare was asking wasn't that unreasonable and if that's all she really wanted, he could oblige her. "Alright, that doesn't sound so bad. Can we get started?"
"Of course." Tree Hugger turned slightly and reached for her saddlebags, rummaging around inside to find her checklist. In doing so, Zach got a quick glimpse into her bag.
"Say, are those brownies?" He inquired, noticing a small plastic bag, filled with what he assumed was one of his favorite confections.
Tree Hugger nodded and smiled. "Yeah, dude, those are. They're my treat for a job well done. I made them last night and I've been dying to get into them."
"Job well done? You mean you can only get into them when you're done?"
"Yeah, I love those kinds of brownies, but to get into them on the job would be unprofessional...probably."
"Aw, so that mean we can't get into them right now? Cause your on the job?"
Tree Hugger nodded sadly. "Afraid so, monkey guy."
Now, Zach was no stranger to despair. He knew all too well the pain of wanting brownies and not being to have said brownies. Twas a heartbreaking thought, one that even struck the great monarch of the sun from time to time. But Zach, also like the sun monarch, already had a plan in his head.
"Well, you did say that you're here to make sure I'm happy. You know what would make me happy? Having some brownies." Zach smiled innocently, doing whatever he could to sway Tree Hugger into handing over the delicious treat. "You never said anything about me having the brownies, only you."
Tree Hugger cocked her head to the side for a moment, her brain coming to grips with this world shattering information. "Oh, wow, you're right. I didn't even think of that."
"So...can I have some brownies now?"
"Yeah, dude, dig in." Tree Hugger grabbed the bag and placed it on the kitchen table.
"Sweet!" Zach needed no further encouragement as he quickly snatched the bag and ate an entire brownie whole. Zach once again took notice of the sheer size difference between humans and ponies. What he just ate was a complete, decently sized piece of chocolaty goodness. But to Zach, it was practically bordering on bite-sized. Not much bigger than those mini candy bars he used to give out for Halloween. As the dessert passed his tongue and slid down his throat, Zach noted that there was something off about it. It was delicious, of course, but there was also an aftertaste. A flavor he couldn't quite put his finger on.
As Zach popped another one into his mouth, Tree Hugger grabbed her checklist and official started her little survey. "Ok, dude, first question. Are you getting the necessary parts of your diet?"
Zach swallowed before answering. "Well, not exactly. It's not really a big deal, though. I get by fine enough."
"Can you explain it for me?"
"Ah, well, you see I'm an omnivore. I like eating plants and meat. And ponies are-"
"Ah, I get it. Say no more, my furless friend." She checked off one of the boxes. "You'd be surprised how often this comes up with my job. If you'd like, I can set you up with a Griffon deli from across the border. They deliver right to your door so you don't have to be judged for simply getting food."
"Wait, really? You can do that? That's going to be such a load off my mi-" Zach suddenly stopped talking and placed a hand on his stomach. "Sorry, just starting to feel a little funny"
"Ah, don't worry about it. It'll pass" She waved her hoof.
"Yeah, you're probably right. What's the next question?"
"Do you have a mate or companion? Relationships are a very important step to happiness and, as a rare creature, your happiness is-"
Tree Hugger was interrupted by the feeling of Zach's fingers scratching behind her ear. Instantly, her eyes lidded and she leaned into the scratches. "Mmm, so that's what you want. Why didn't you just say so, dude?" She quietly moaned, totally enjoying the wonderful pleasure that only human fingers can bring. Suddenly, she moved away from the delightful petting and turned towards Zach. "Why don't we...take this upstairs?"
***
Zach's eyes slowly drifted open. Sitting up, he looked around and realized that he was back in his own bedroom. Odd, seeing as how he couldn't remember coming back. He then looked over to the window. Judging from the shade of sunlight and its position in the room, Zach concluded that it was sometime around noon, maybe two or three o'clock. He then massaged his forehead in confusion.
"Where the hell have I been for the past few hours?" He honestly couldn't remember. It was as if someone just plucked memories right out of his mind. He knew he got up earlier, but not much after that. Everything else was a blur. Zach shook his head and began to get out of bed for the second time that day.
"Hmmm."
His body froze instantly. He did not make that noise. Turning, Zach noticed a lump under the bed covers.
'Oh god, no! What did I do?!' The implications...were dire.
Moving slowly, he pulled away the covers to reveal a sleeping mare, the same one that visited him several hours earlier. Some bits of missing memory returned to him as he recalled her name.
'Tree Hugger.'
Tree Hugger was in his bed, sleeping peacefully and he was waking up, naked, right beside her.
'Damn it, no! I was being so careful!' He took his head into his hands. "No! No, no, no! My pony cherry's been popped! I'm a horse fucker!" It wasn't supposed to end up like this! He was still taking it slow, cautiously warming up to the idea of interspecies romance. He never meant to go all gung-ho like this! 'Damn ponies and their adorably tiny sizes!'
"What's wrong, massive monkey guy?" Tree Hugger, now awake, asked.
Zach turns to her. "You! You need to go! Like, right now!"
Tree Hugger cocks her head to the side in confusion. "What? Why? I thought we were having such fun? I've never seen a being as happy as you were when you were cu-"
Zach's hand clapped over the green mare's mouth. "Nononononononono No. None of that that! Please, for the love of god, don't even say this out loud privately. I can't let anyone know. I can't let Lyra find out."
"What? Why? Who's Lyra?"
"She's a mare that will be very pissed if she finds out that we did...did...this!"
"Ah, really? That's a bummer. Like...a really big bummer."
"Look, I'm sorry, but you have to leave. Right now. Just get your things and please go."
Tree Hugger looked solemn at that. "Ok, dude, guess I'll get goin." She got up off the bed and proceeded to make her way across the room.
Until the sound of metal hinges groaned somewhere beneath them. A stone dropped in Zach's stomach as he realized what it was. Someone just came home.
'You have got to be fucking kidding me! Why is it that anything that can go wrong...will!?'
"Zachary, I'm home~!" Lyra called from downstairs.
"You could lift the world's atmosphere by three inches on those eye ridges, monkey man. Somethin' bumming you out? Is that pony coming this way a threat to you or your environment?" Tree Hugger asked, noticing Zach's terrified expression.
"N-Yes."
"No member of the Equestrian society for the preservation of endangered creatures would let somepony harsh an animal's vibe to this extreme level. Your aura, man. I can draft up a condemning report from one of the templates in my bag. She will be given a polite series of letters containing helpful tips on how to improve your home life. Animals react to their environment in a much more authentic-"
"Tree hugger, you need to hide. Right now."
"From that mare? Naw, man. She's in the dining room. We can chillax up here for a while in perfect calming seclusion. Whadda you say we practice some deep breathing right now? You know, work the yellows and browns out of that aura of yours?"
"Let's not and say we did. And wait, the dining room specifically?"
"I am in tune with-"
"Doesn't matter," Zach waved his fanned out hands.
The dreadlocked mare's vacant smile loosened into a neutral expression, her eyes focusing on the middle distance. "Say, monkey man?"
Zach's ears, already trained to pick up the sound of hoof-falls against woof flooring coming from adjacent rooms, caught a sound he dreaded. "She's coming up the stairs..."
"That's what I was gonna say! We're so in tune." Her smile returned.
"Hide! Now!"
***
Lyra trotted up the stairs, a bowl of mac and cheese floating behind her. Bon Bon often grumbled about Lyra's fickle income as a street musician, but IN YOUR FACE, BONNIE! Look who's rollin' in dough! One hundred and forty bits in two hours. Sometimes, it was a good thing living in a backwater hick town with entertainment starved ponies who'd stomp and sing along with any common sailing song. And this was just a side job. Lyra, on a whim, decided to bring her harp with her to Bon Bon's sweet shop.
In celebration, Lyra stopped at a little food place on the way home and bought a huge bowl macaroni and cheese, something she didn't have to cook. She had a whole story to retell Zach about her good fortune at the sweet shop, and then later the story of the baffled pony at the sit down restaurant who tried folding bowls out of newspaper so Lyra could get her meal to go. It didn't work, of course, and that pony talked to that pony's manager...
***
Zach's wide, wide eyes glanced away from the window to focus on Tree hugger climbing her slow ass to the top of Crap Mountain in in Z's closet. No way she could burry herself IN the wall of floor-to-ceiling, far-wall-to-door perfect brick of boxes, books, and stuffed animals so her goddamned stupid plan was to hide close to the ceiling, on top of the pile. Because, you know, they both had all the time in the world to clear a hiding spot for her and hide the displaced junk.
He glanced towards and away from the window again. He was seriously considering opening it and tossing Tree hugger from the second story window. She'd be safe, right? Ponies bounce, he was sure.
"This is hopeless! Try hiding under the bed again!"
Tree Hugger rolled her head over her shoulder, "that's the worst hiding spot, man. A pony lying on her belly is only half as tall as a pony standing on all four's. But don't fret, beautiful perfect creature. It's a good sign that your thoughts are so firmly set in the mindset of a tall living being, such as yourself. Your spirit is still wild and free." She turned her bleary gaze back to finding hoofholds in the wall of junk.
Suddenly, she felt a pair of hands firmly grip her barrel. She got plucked from the box wall.
"No time. Here." He pulled the blankets back. Tree Hugger landed. She looked up. She caught one quick glimpse of the naked human before blankets consumed her, followed by what felt like a pillow. Followed by what was definitely Zach himself.
***
A gold aura gripped the knob and pushed inwardly.
"Hey Buddy~!" Lyra's cheerful voice sang to the no doubt sleeping human.
Zach looked up, his hair a mess. Called it. He just woke up. Lyra smiled. At no point in their shared history had Z ever gotten himself up on his own. Lyra woke him daily, always with threats of starvation and promises of treats and coffee.
"H...Hi, Lyra," her handsome human said atop his messy bed. "What have you been up to all day?"
Lyra shrugged. "Oh, nothing much. You probably didn't see my note. I was with Bon Bon all day. She asked to me help out at the sweet shop."
"Ah, so that's why you're waking me up at noon!" He replied a little louder than necessary, his nervousness getting the best of him.
She put the bowl on the nightstand next to the bed. "So, how about you?"
"I'm good, never been better. Just sleeping as usUAL!" He yelped the last part.
Lyra raised an eyebrow. "What was that about?"
"Oh nothing, just a chill in the air."
"A chill in the air makes you yelp?"
"...Yes."
"Well...ok then."
Suddenly, Zach got an idea. "Say, Lyra, this mac and cheese looks really good and all, but could you get me some milk to go with it?" He smiled innocently.
"Of course! Be right back!"
As Lyra exited the room, Zach took the opportunity to lift the bed covers. He glared at Tree Hugger. She smiled back, breathing deep.
"Ahh~ the fresh air? Wonderful, man."
"That was my dick. That was your mouth. Your chin is very bristly. "
"You're skin is very soft."
"Thanks," he grumbled, "it's all the lotion."
"Think nothing of it, my primate comrade."
The noises made by the stairs signaled the end of their conversation and Tree Hugger was once again forced to hide under the bundle of bed covers and blankets. Not a moment too soon, the door opened and Lyra was back.
Unlike her usual smile, however, Lyra's face was molded into an expression of confusion. "Hey, Zach." She started.
"Yeah?"
"I got your milk like you asked...but what's this thing?" In her telekinetic grip was a brown saddlebag. Another piece of Zach's memory returned to him as he instantly recognized it. It was Tree Hugger's saddlebag. His breath caught in his throat, his body becoming tense like a deer in headlights.
"Um...uh...that's." He stuttered, unable to come up with anything to save his skin.
"It was on the table. Where'd it come from?"
"I don't know. Um...it's not yours or Bonny's?"
"No, it's not. Odd, I found it on the kitchen table, but it wasn't on there when I left this morning." Much to Zach's horror, she brought the saddlebag to her front and immediately began to rummage through it. She found and pulled out a small pamphlet. "What...what is all this? The Equestrian Society For the Preservation Of Rare Creatures? You don't know anything about this?"
"Nope."
"You sure? This wasn't out when I left and you were the only one here all day. And I really doubt a pony would just break into our home just to leave this here." She looked up from the pamphlet and instantly noticed Zach's worried expression. "Zach...what is this?" She pulled out more papers. "Who's Tree Hugger?" At the mention of her name, Tree Hugger wiggled about under the covers.
And Lyra instantly took notice.
Zach took a deep breath, accepting that the jig was up and there was no wiggling out. He slowly lifted the bed covers, revealing not just his naked form, but Tree Hugger as well. Who promptly relished the fresh, un-musky air like any true flower child.
"Ah, the wonderful embrace of fresh air." She then noticed Lyra. "Greetings, mare of music. I am Tree Hugger."
Zach watched the way her eyes darted back in forth in realization. Those eyes, like she was tracking the movements of rats on the floor. At one point, they drifted up and locked onto Zach's. Lyra's expression change was slow, but intense.
"Greetings," The Other green mare waved her hoof, "I am Tree Hugger."
"Hello, Tree Hugger." Lyra spoke, her eyes narrowed.
"Righteous, you heard me. I can sense a pony's energy, but not maladies of the body such as deafness."
"Zach... Who's this?" There was an obvious angry tone to her voice. Her words short and to the point.
"I am Tree Hugger."
"Yes, you already said that! Zach, what's she doing up here? Why are you both in bed? Did you...did you do what I think you did?"
Zach looked down. Honestly, he didn't know and his mind was still fuzzy, but the evidence was not in his favor. Lyra took his silence as a yes and turned around, unable to look him in the eye. In her mind, he had betrayed her, broke a promise and tossed aside an agreement. During the first year of him being in Equestria, he promised her that when he was ready to be with a mare, she would be the first. Even if it didn't work out between them, he would have at least given her a chance. Given themselves a chance. And now...that promise was broken.
"I see. So that's how this is going to be." Lyra began to walk out of the room, but not before giving one final, contemptuous glare to Zach and Tree Hugger.
Zach didn't follow. He merely lowered his head and closed his eyes. Tree Hugger looked to the human, then to the empty doorway. She never intended to upset either of them, but she obviously did something wrong. Honestly, she didn't even understand what the other mare's problem was. No other creature gave her this kind of response. Of course, that didn't matter right now. She upset somepony and now she had to do something to make amends. The hippy pony got up off the bed and went downstairs, just as Lyra had. Zach opened his eyes for only a moment, spotted Tree Hugger leaving, then closed them again.
Lyra was sitting at the kitchen table, her head lowered and resting on the wood, when she immediately felt the presence of foreign eyes on her. She looked up to find Tree Hugger staring at her. "What do you want?" Lyra snapped. "Can't you just leave me alone!?"
"I'm sorry." The other mare replied, somewhat uncertain on how to proceed. "I didn't mean to upset anypony. It was the last thing I intended to do today. Oh, wow, your auras are full of reds and greens."
"Just...go away! Go!"
"I really don't know what I did to make you mad, but maybe we can just chillax and you can tell me how I can make amends!"
Lyra's eye twitched. "Chillax? Make amends?" She grit her teeth. "Yeah, you can start by telling me what in the hay makes you so damn special!? I spent years trying to get him and suddenly you just swoop in and...and..ugh!"
"Special? Well, I can sense auras, does that make me special? Like yours right now are green and red. Anger and jealousy."
"You don't need to tell me what I'm feeling." She grumbled. "I'm perfectly capable of figuring that out on my own."
"I still don't get what's harshin your mellow."
"You stole him from me! After years of effort, you, whoever you are, just come the hay outta nowhere and take him from me!"
"Take? What?" She rubbed the back of her head with her hoof, thoroughly confused. "I'm not taking him anywhere. I'd lose my job. I can't take creatures from their habitat."
"No, you idiot, I mean you slept with him!"
"And why is that a bad thing? All beings need sleep, even the princesses. There's nothing wrong taking a nap."
Lyra opened her mouth to speak but quickly closed it. Something was off about the whole thing and she could feel it.
"Lyra." Both mares turned to see Zach, now fully dressed, standing in the doorway. Lyra said nothing, she merely turned away and stared intently at the lacquered wood of the table. "I'm sorry. I swear, I don't know what came over me. I know I broke a promise that was very important to you and I can't stress enough how truly sorry I am. I really, really am."
"Just leave me alone, Zach. I really don't want to talk to you right now. "
Zach did as she asked and turned away, making his way out of the kitchen area. He stopped, however, when he heard Tree hugger speak up.
"I'm sorry, but I still don't get what the fuss is about. I'm still really confused."
Lyra instantly twisted around in her chair and practically snarled. "How can you be this dumb!? You two did...did...you know!"
Tree Hugger shrugged, still not understanding. "Did what?"
"Sex!"
Silence. The kitchen was completely silent. Immediately, the gears in Tree Hugger's mind began to turn. Everything from the past few minutes began to make sense to her. She began to giggle. "What? No, no dude. That's not what happened."
Lyra's heart almost stopped. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that we didn't have sex. The intimacy that the monkey man and I shared was nothing more than a simple nap. And it was glorious and refreshing"
"Tree Hugger." Zach said, slowly coming back into the kitchen. "I need you to very carefully explain what you and I did."
"You don't remember?"
"No, I don't."
"Oh, well you had some brownies, you gave me a wonderful scratch behind the ear, you cried about how lonely you were and then decided to take a nap for a few hours. "
"Then why was I naked? And why were you in bed with me?"
"I could sense your aura. A bad mix of blue and brown, a clear indicator of loneliness and depression. Well that and I saw you crying into your pillow about how you were confused and alone. "
"I actually cried? That wasn't a figure of speech?"
"Like a baby, dude."
He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Christ, just kill me."
"Seeing your loneliness and lack of companionship, I took it upon myself to give you freedom from your chains. I asked to snuggle and you said yes."
There's was an audible smack as Zach's palm connected with his forehead. "Why?"
"Why not? It's part of the job. I do what I can to assist all of Faust's wonderful creatures."
It was slow, but a smile managed to crawl back onto Lyra's face. This mare, who she at first despised and hated for taking away the one thing she wanted, was actually no threat at all! "So, you didn't have sex? And being this open about physical contact is something you do often? You're not trying to steal him away or keep him all to yourself?"
"Nah girl, its all good. No coltfriend stealing from me. Just the feeling of a job well done assisting another one of Faust's glorious creations."
Zach couldn't believe it. It was like a massive weight was pulled off his chest. He didn't break his promise to Lyra, he didn't fuck some random mare that he met only a few hours ago and his pony cherry was still not popped! He would have claimed to be the happiest person on the planet, at that moment, but that wouldn't be true. There was a certain mare with a harp cutiemark that was a thousand times more elated at the news.
So much so that she immediately pounced on and began peppering him with kisses. Surviving the onslaught of affection, Zach gently pushed her off. "Ok, ok!"
"I knew you wouldn't break the promise! I mean, aside from a few moments ago. You mean a lot to me, you know. When I thought that you actually, you know...it hurt a little."
"I know. And the promise still stands. When the time comes for me to take that step, you'll be the first person I tell."
"Aww, you two have such beautiful auras when they mix together." Tree hugger said, watching the not-actually-a-couple couple.
Zach backed up from Lyra and turned to Tree Hugger. "Um, Tree Hugger?"
"Yeah, dude?"
"Could you leave? Like, just go away. And I don't mean go into another room, I mean leave the house...and never come back. Ever."
The mare scratched the back of her head. "Yeah, that's probably for the best. My spirit animal is so outta wack right now and I have no idea why. Talk about magical fluctuations in the ethereal plane of existence. I really should get going."
It took a few minutes, but soon Tree Hugger had her things all packed and ready to go. Zach was also kind enough to finish her little survey, answering the remaining questions on the list. It might have been one hell of a day, but all in all it wasn't as bad as Zach originally thought, and he certainly didn't blame Tree Hugger for it. Though he believed she could have been a little more clear on what happened and little less ambiguous. Lyra was right to think the she did, as any outsider without all the facts would have made the same assumptions.
When everything was all said and done, Tree Hugger took her leave, exiting the house with a polite "See you around" and a gentle closing of the front door. With everything that transpired, not just at the house but the busy day at the sweet shop as well, Lyra thinking about following in Zach footsteps and taking a nice nap. She made a quick remark about the day's events draining her and how she was going to bed for a while. Zach nodded and let her go, but not before giving her a good scratch behind the ear for good measure.
After she left, Zach sat down at the kitchen table with a cup of fresh coffee in his hand. He has somethings to think over and the delicious, black liquid was the perfect companion. The first thing to come to his mind was the fact that he blanked out very several hours. There were entire gaps in his memory, and from what Tree Hugger said, there was quite a bit missing!
'That's actually pretty serious! I should probably go to a doctor and have that checked out. I mean, what the hell happened to me?' His thought's were interrupted when his hand grazed something light and plastic. Looking down, he saw it was the bag of brownies from earlier. He reasoned that Tree Hugger must have forgotten them.
"Neat! More brownies!"
Author's Notes:
Hey all. Ok, so this was actually supposed to be a really short, funny chapter. I really wanted to put Tree Hugger in the story somehow, and this was the end result. It wasn't supposed to be this long, I swear! It was meant to be really short, but the more I worked on it in the more I had to add. I didn't want to half-ass it and make something unsatisfying. I'm really trying to make my chapters longer and more detailed. Speaking of which, I've been thinking of taking a few of the first chapters and actually putting them altogether into one.
By the way, did you notice the cover-art? I commissioned PussPuss to make it exclusively for this story. Yes, I actually paid money for cover-art.
Also, the title of the previous chapter was a MGS reference.
FUN FACT
Did you know that many ponies have quite the interesting backstory. For example, before joining the Wonderbolts, Soarin lead a group of seven mercenaries! And Mayor Mare has a daughter that can travel between the modern world and ancient Neighpon using an old, dusty well.
Special brownies for anyone who gets what I'm talking about.
Just Man The Fuck Up And Go For It!
"Wanna have sex?"
Lyra stopped dead in her tracks. She slowly put down the plate she was washing and, while very carefully balancing on the stool she used to reach the kitchen counter, turned around.Squinting gold eyes zeroed in on the human. She studied the corners of his mouth for fluttering, for the uproarious laughter that'd burst out. His face seemed placid enough. She brought up a smile. "Uh, sorry, Zach. I totally misheard you. W-what was it you were telling me?" she stammered. If it wasn't a trick, maybe she just misheard?
"I said, would you...like to have...sex?" Zach replied, his eyes focused squarely on her.
Lyra's expression darkened. After years of denying her and refusing her advances, now, right out of the blue, he was offering to plunder her pony wife hole with his human husband stick? "You're serious? No joke?” Lyra deadpanned. She began the motion of crossing her forelegs, but clapped back to all fours when her stool teetered. She settled for a baleful look.
"No joke, and I'm being completely serious,” Zach inhailed. “I've been thinking a lot since Tree Hugger gave us a little visit a while back. I think... I'm ready. For a relationship,” The human averted his eyes, “Normally, I'd recommend taking it slow and asking you out for a cup of coffee, but honestly, I think that's just a waste of time. I already know you, what's speed dating gonna do for us? You and I...we're already as close at two people can possibly be without being romantically involved. So, I figured I'd just go for it. Lyra...I love you...and I'm sorry that it's taken so long for me to finally admit it." He took a deep breath before continuing, "Which brings me back to my question. I have strong feelings for you and I know you have strong feelings for me. So, why don't just cut out the middle man and not waste any time and head upstairs? What do you think?"
Lyra didn't respond immediately. Instead, she hopped down from her stool, walked over to the table, jumped up on the chair, then jumped up again to stand fully on the table. Now being able to look him directly in the eyes, she pressed her snout into his nose. "Zach?"
"Yes, Lyra?"
"Wreck me. Wreck...me...hard."
"Alright then, let's go upstai-" He was unable to finish his sentence as Lyra quickly jumped off the table and ran out of the kitchen. "Um..." There was suddenly the distinct sound of hoofsteps on the staircase and then the sound of a door being flung open.
"Come on!" She shouted, somehow already in the bedroom.
Zach chuckled at Lyra's behavior. "A simple yes would have sufficed, but I suppose that'll work too."
***
A grocery laden Earth pony pushed passed the front door with the side of her body.
“I'm home,” Bon Bon called, “Guys, you won't believe my luck! You know how occasionally, my sweet shop stumbles into some profits? Somepony catered their kid's cute-ceañera with my candy exclusively today.” No pony answered yet, in fact the whole bottom floor was dark. She wasn't alone in the house, though since she distinctly heard some kind of thumping upstairs.
Bon Bon took a moment to soak in the silence. No hyper, basement-dwelling unicorns came blasting out of some wall's wattle and daub asking what Bon Bon got for her at the market. No earth-shaking footsteps rocking the world around her just to say hello.
What a change of pace this was. Bon Bon inhaled slowly, greedily, then exploded into all smiles and filly-ish hoof stamping. Total seclusion— just her, Heartthrob, Lady Interest, Captain Rough Seas, and the band of scythe wielding pirates out to kill them all.
Bon Bon leaped at the couch and grabbed a paperback from under a throw pillow before she even stopped skidding on the cushions.
Large black clouds spiraled around the summit of Death Mountain . Heartthrob turned to Lady Love Interest, and in the moonlight, his eyes were silver. Thump.
“Oh, fair lady Interest, ornament of the world, Thump, wielder of the tri-colored flag to a country and soil stained red with foreign banner and patriot blood alike— you are but three days from—
Thump
—The great sea port gates yield to ye, wee lass.” Bon Bon huffed. She scanned someplace higher in the paragraph to find where she lost her place.
Heartthrob lifted Lady Love Interest onto his back, careful not to harm her sprained ankle, and dashed across the lava rocks. The clan of seven mercenaries charged powerfully—Thump—behind them.
“Ye be beset with a world's worth o' worries, Captain Heartthrob!” the lead warrior spat, “Be a good laddy an' gift us the mare and flag. Cap'n Rough Seas promises this fair pony's death—” Thump —this fair po— Thump —fair maiden's death to be a quick— Thump thump thump thump~
In the real world, Bon Bon slammed down her book in annoyance. “Really?” She couldn't ignore the book jolting in her hooves. Just what the hell was going on up there? Somepony doing jumping jacks with cinder blocks on their hooves?
Bon Bon paused with her hoof over the upturned book. Now that she thought of it, she had no idea where Z and Lyra were. Weren't they supposed to be home? Could something have happened to them? Was the constant thumping noise she heard actually the desperate attempts of a tied-up Zach to call for help? Had somepony broken in and harmed he and Lyra and this was him doing his best to avoid bleeding out all over the floor!?
The earth pony's fore-leg retreated without romance novel in tow. Quietly, Bon Bon brought herself to all fours and creeped off the couch.
~Thump thump thump~
'It's coming from upstairs,' Bon Bon's ears twisted slowly like a radar dish, 'and only upstairs.' Now would be a good time to sneek into the kitchen. A frying pan, maybe a knife could be a good defensive weapon. Then again, if some Everfree monster climbed in through the upstairs window and managed to take out Zach, what would having the handle of the frying pan in her mouth do other than weigh her down and muffle a cry for help?
One hoof on the first step. Thump.
Reverberations transmitting through the wood, thump. Hopefully, Zach wasn't already dead.
'This is silly.' her heart thudded in her chest, 'maybe he just broke both of his legs and can't speak for some reason. Maybe the only way he knows to ask for help is to wale on whichever wall is closest'
She reach the top of the stairs. She could pick up on directionality now. Thump.
Down the hall. Thump. Zach's bedroom. Thump.
Pirked ears, hooves quiet, sound getting louder, other noises besides the thumping.
Giggles. Giggles? And moans.
'...oh.'
Well, crisis adverted. Nopony's in danger, Zach and somepony else are just having house-shakingly awesome sex. Yep.
Her curiosity unable to be contained any longer, Bon Bon slowly approached Zach's bedroom door and opened it a crack-
-and backed away immediately. Zach and Lyra, both her best friends, were clearly enjoying each other's company. Bon Bon was some what shocked. They got this close right under her nose? She slowly combed her hair with her hoof, a dim smile adorning her face. A gentle, almost reluctant chuckle was expelled from her lungs.
"Heh, so...so that's what they were doing." This was good for them. They both needed somepony to confide in, somepony who'd hold them at night. They finally found each other, after so many years.
While the gentle smile never wavered, Bon Bon's head did drop and a long, hearty sigh did escape her lips. Her best friends finished orbiting their sad little private worlds and found their escape velocity in each other. She made sure her steps were quiet, to not disturb the newly-minted couple, as she made her way back downstairs. She thought about returning to her romance novel, but swiftly dismissed it.
She just wasn't in the mood for it anymore.
***
Pant
Pant
Pant
Zach collapsed onto the pillows of his bed, chest heaving, trying to catch his breath. Wiping his sweaty forehead with the back of his hand and rubbing the residue off on the edge of the blanket, he turned to his equally tired and sweaty partner. "So...this was what I've been missing all these years?"
A moment of pain streaked across Lyra's face before being instantly replaced with the biggest of smiles. "Yeah. Told ya, mare's are the best. You'll never go back to human girls. Once you go Lyra, you don't go...goodbya." Not even she could maintain her dignity after spouting that awful joke, as she immediately broke out into a fit of giggles.
Zach rolled his eyes at Lyra's batched attempt at being suave, but grinned none the less. "Yeah, that was definitely one of hell of a ride. Wow."
Lyra moved snuggle up to him, but instantly stopped and let out a cry of pain.
"You ok, Lyra?" He asked.
"Oh, don't worry about it, stud. " She grimaced before hopping off the bed and heading for the door. "Wow, you got some power in those thrusts. Say, this was awesome and all, but I'm gonna head down to the kitchen and get an ice pack. I'll be right back."
Guilt flashed across Zach's face. "Hey, you asked me to be rough!"
"I know." The corners of Lyra's mouth upturned into a massive smile. "And you did an awesome job." Another cringe pain marred her face before her smile returned. "But right now I have to go take care of my war wounds."
Zach nodded and she left the room, slowly and gently closing the door behind her. The resident human closed his eyes and began to drift off into a nice, post-raunchy-fun-times nap.
But not before hearing Lyra, all the way in the kitchen, give a delighted sigh as she, presumably, applied the ice pack to her bruised mare bits.
Author's Notes:
Hey all, I know it's been a while since I updated, but I have a really good reason for the wait.
Fallout 4.
That is all.
I hope you guys and girls don't mind that shortness of this chapter. More than one person has been asking for updates and I started to feel really guilty for not working on this in so long. So, I hope this sates you all until I complete an even bigger chapter in a few weeks. Think of Fimfiction.net as a restaurant and this is the appetizer you get before receiving the main course. And, like always...
FUN FACT!
My wife and I just celebrated our first anniversary. As of January 30th, we have been married one whole year. And our relationship hasn't faltered one, single bit since then. Here's hoping it stays that way for many more years to come.
