In retrospect the method the ponies used for sorting the human artifacts for display was simple; they simply went through all the rubbish that came through the gate. If it didn't look like anything they had ever seen in Equestria they earmarked it for exhibit. Thanks to Celestia and Luna's centuries of "cribbing" notes from human society, there was a great deal of overlap between Earth (at least the Western Civilization portion) and Equestria, especially in the areas of culture and pop culture. Of course there were still enough differences striking enough to fill this entire wing. The X factor in all this was that the ponies in charge of arranging the exhibit had.... peculiar notions as to what correlated with what.

Which is why, immediately after the map exhibit, I found myself standing in front of a partially disassembled automobile. Granted, they were clever enough to use a selection of road maps (from the looks of it, they had come from the selfsame vehicle's glove compartment) as a transitional piece. Still, it seemed an odd conceptual rabbit trail-- till I reflected on the noted absence of internal combustion engines in Equestria's development.

Now when I say "partially disassembled," I mean that the vehicle in question had all its exterior bodywork removed and set aside, so that one could observe the internal workings in situ. I spent a considerable amount of time explaining (approximately) how an internal combustion engine works, vs. an external combustion engine such as a steam engine; then from there to explaining why the internal combustion engine had supplanted the steam engine (size, cleanliness, safety, etc.), how the internal combustion engine had revolutionized travel (Applejack had looked keenly interested when I mentioned farm tractors, and Rainbow Dash had nearly fallen out of the air when I informed her the biplane dangling from the ceiling actually flew), from there to explaining petroleum distillates, what petroleum was, a rough explanation of the politics revolving around oil...

I paused in the middle of explaining the conflict over biodiesels and "gasohol." "You know, I never realized just how many different facets of human life and history have been affected by this one invention," I said, coughing to clear my throat. "God help my vocal chords when we get to the home computer." The others laughed while Truffles fetched me a glass of water from a nearby cooler.

"Seems lahk you do durn near everythin' with 'em," Applejack said. "Them machines is the thing most lahk magic y'all got."

"Like I said, wait until the computers," I said. "But.... I think it's more generally inventions. We're Earth-ponyish that way... but we got past using people power a long time ago. I think that's what's holding you back from making this sort of stuff yourselves. Most everything you have is pony powered."

"Well not everything, Dearie," Rarity said. "I mean, my sewing machines don't run on, ah, pony power."

"Yeah, and none of the nifty cool blinky gidgets and gadgets in Twilight's basement," Pinkie Pie added. "Or the ovens in Sugarcube Corner or the streetlights or---" she was obviously warming up to rattle off an unending list of every tool and household appliance in Equestria, but Applejack corked her mouth with a hoof. I winced inwardly; it seemed a bit unsanitary. "He gets th' point, sugarcube," she said.

"Well that's still not quite true," I pointed out. "most of the things you listed-- in Earth they run on electricity. But here they run on magic. And magic, with VERY few exceptions, comes from..." I tapped the tip of Twilight's horn with my finger meaningfully. (No, you lecherous cretins, unicorn horns are not an erogenous zone. Nor are pegasus wings. They wouldn't be able to function in day to day life if they were! Honestly, you pathetically prurient people...) "In the end, it all comes back to pony power. Which is kind of limiting, because someone somewhere is getting tuckered out keeping the wheels turning and the lights lit. Humans found ways to make wood, and coal, and oil, and even wind and water and sunshine do the work for us, instead of just finding ways to bottle up our muscle power." I shrugged. "A labor saving device isn't really much of a "saver" if the "labor" is your own."

"I was always tempted to ask about the Cider Squeezy 6000. I'd always wondered why you didn't buy it, Applejack. Of course you would have had to hire a unicorn to keep it powered, so it wouldn't have been as much use---"

"You knew about?.... oh, uh, raht," Applejack looked suspicious for a moment, then remembered the little tete'-a-tete' with the princesses about my past. The TV show, for obvious reasons, was a pretty tightly kept state secret. Still it had to be disconcerting to have a complete stranger so well versed in episodes out of your life.  She gave a dismissive snort. "And what of it? It was a hunk o' junk. It couldn't beat the Apple Family at cider makin'..."

So long as you cheated and included your friends-- with their magic-- as 'honorary family,' I thought. I didn't say it. But I get the feeling my arched eyebrow said volumes. She saw my expression and pulled the same face she'd worn when Discord had inverted her. "That wasn't the point," I said. "It worked fine enough when they didn't get desperate and overclock it... and it could have made your cider making easier. Well, with a reliable power source, anyway."

"We kin make our own cider," Applejack said stubbornly.

"Yeah, and never enough," Rainbow Dash snorted from overhead. Applejack glared at her.

"Thank you, Rainbow Dash," I said. "took the words out of my mouth."

Applejack's glare turned to me. "So Mister Snooty Toots Hoity Toity Space Monkey thinks he knows how t' run an apple farm better'n me---"

I held up my hands in a make-peace gesture. "I'm not trying to pick a fight," I said placatingly. "Your family grows the best apples and makes the best apple cider.... or apple anything, for that matter.... that I've ever tasted. My point is that a machine like that, in capable Apple hands, could up your production and make your lives a lot easier."

She seemed a little mollified. "We do more'n just make cider, you know," Applejack pointed out. "Seems right foolish to spend all them bits on a machine we'd use only once a year..."

"Not if the scale is large enough," I said. "And who said anything about just cider? Far as I could see, that Cider Squeezy 6000 was three machines in one." I counted them off on my fingers. "A picker, a sorter AND a squeezer. No check that, FOUR, since it was self propelled it was also a HAULER. That apple picker alone was worth its weight in gold. Even on Earth we have harvesting machines that can clear a hundred acres of corn in a day, but we still have to pick apples by hand. that thing picked entire trees clean in one go." I shook my head. "Those Flim Flam boys were fools. They could have made their fortunes by splitting the thing into four machines, and marketing them to farmers all over Equestria. Instead they use it to con old ladies into cider-making races."

The look on Applejack's face was one of dawning comprehension. She looked off into space, pondering. "....Sakes. Too bad we couldn't trust 'em..."

"Why not?" I asked. "Devil's advocate here: They were jerks, but they were honest jerks. They stuck to the bargain, they didn't lie, steal, or cheat, or try to sabotage you--- they even let you bend the rules and get extra help. And even when they won the race, and by all legal rights could have stuck out the bad press and held onto your farm for good, they bowed out and left, instead. So if you did work with them, you could probably count on them sticking to an agreement... especially if you got it down in black and white."

I added a somber note. "And by the way, you were dead lucky. If they had served the FIRST barrels of cider they'd made instead of the LAST barrels...."

Applebloom, who'd been listening in (along with everyone else) gulped loud enough for me to hear it. "...they woulda walked away with th' farm, the cider makin' contract, everything," she said.

Applejack looked grim. "Don't remind me," she shuddered. "That was a closer shave than I ever wanna git again."

I went on. "If you could find them--- and bargain them down to a reasonable profit split, and make an ironclad contract--- you could clean up every Cider season. Heck, year round... you could probably cut applebucking season to applebucking DAY. You'd probably have to keep an eye on them around Granny Smith's silverware, and you'd have to put up with their annoying behavior....But it'd be worth it. Especially if you could eventually buy the machine off them." I paused. "But of course, this is just a suggestion, just an idea from the Hoity Toity Space Monkey...."

Somepony giggled. "Mister Snooty Toots." The entire class broke into squeals of laughter. I gave Applejack my hardest steely eye. "If that nickname sticks--- I'm blaming you," I said.

"Okay, I think we'll take a little break," Cheerilee said. "The little pony's room is just down the hall..."

The children made a somewhat hasty break for the loo. I was vexed at myself; I would manage to drone on and on. First lesson my father had taught me about dealing with children--- something new every five minutes. That's the length of their attention span. Why hadn't I remembered it? I hoped I hadn't bored them all....

I looked over at Applejack, who had stayed back. She was giving me an odd look. "I'm going to have this hanging over my head, aren't I." I said, chagrined.

"Depends," Applejack said with a half smirk. "Space Monkey got any more clever ideas on how to run mah farm?"

I sighed. She was obviously still pretty miffed at being told her own business. " Applejack, I know I'm no farmer, not by a long shot. I'm not trying to tell you how to be a farmer, I wouldn't know where to begin. But I have learned a few things, even if they're only book-learning.... I'm just offering suggestions here. Just some ideas, take 'em or leave 'em."

"Okay, like what?"

"You sure?" I asked. "It involves some 'fancy mathematicals'..." I stuck my thumbs under my suspenders and grinned at her. She glowered at me. "Okay, okay," I said. "Seriously, though."

"Shoot."

I resisted the urge to point my fingers and say bang. "Well, let's start with Cider Season. You've got a pretty straightforward supply and demand problem. Too many ponies, not enough cider-- and you can't exactly count on getting stuck in a cider-making race every year." Applejack dolefully nodded. "Upping your supply is going to be difficult, unless you hire more hands--- or rent a Cider Squeezy machine--- so the first possible solution is to raise your price---"

"Whoa, there, hold on," Applejack said."I ain't gonna go gougin' folks..."

"You're not "gouging" them, you're moving your price to match the demand," I said. "Do you or do you not make the best cider in Equestria?"

"Durn tootin' we do--"

"And your customers agree with you. But you're pricing it too low. That's why you run out! The first customers buy up all the stock... dirt cheap.... and leave nothing for the ponies in the back of the line. Raise the price, everypony will buy fewer each, but more ponies will get some."

Applejack looked distressed. "But won't ah lose customers when the price goes up?"

"You're losing MORE customers by running out so fast!" Serendipity; I saw Rainbow Dash come flying back into the room, drying her forehooves on a tuft of cloud (how in the deuce does that work? aren't clouds water vapor??) "Hey Rainbow Dash!" I called out. "Pop quiz: which is worse? Apple Cider that costs twice as much---"

"That's TERRIBLE!" Rainbow Dash shouted back without hesitation.

"---Or, NO Apple Cider AT ALL?"

"Augh, worse, worse, definitely worse!" I looked at Applejack and shrugged.

"Okay, I git it," Applejack said. "Still---"

"You don't like raising prices," I said. "Commendable, but is it fair to your family to make them work so hard, only to have angry customers with no cider and LESS money in the till? And how is that circumstance any different than raising your prices because the price of, say, fertilizer or seed went up?"

Applejack sighed and nodded. "Don't mean I have to like it," she muttered.

 

"That's the reason they call it 'the dismal science,' " I said. "Supply and demand and prices and profits--- and ponies--- do what they do, the way they will, no matter how much nicer you think it'd be if they did otherwise. The laws of economics are the very embodiment of honesty." I paused to let that sink in.

"Of course, there's more than one thing you can do to balance out supply and demand--- for example, limit your customers to purchasing no more than one mug of cider at a time....instead of letting Pinkie Pie buy up half the stock," I added meaningfully.

Applejack chuckled and nodded. "Shoulda thought o' that one m'self," she admitted.

"...or you could let people buy it in advance. Figure out how many barrels you'll make on average, sell them in advance, by the gallon, and deliver. It won't solve the supply problem but it would keep ponies from having to stand in line all day." I ticked off more things on my fingers. "Other general things? Invest in some advertising. billboards, skywriting, lean HARD on the 'down home quality' thing.  Hire some unicorns to do the picking--- I saw Twilight clear a dozen trees in one go. Not every unicorn is her but even young colts and fillies could pick a lot, do it faster, and cost very little to hire.... unless you've got some rule about not using magic....?"

Applejack snorted. "Ah got a grove of zap apple trees," she said. "If'n we din't allow magic on the farm we wouldn't have a farm!"

 

"Ah, well okay then. Where was I? Oh yes..... Everyone needs to do a little market research. Before you open up in a new market, find out ahead of time what the usual prices in the area are, how well they're selling, what people normally eat in a town or community---whether the Gala is going to have free food already....?"I gave her another Meaningful Pause(tm).

Applejack gave me a deadpan stare. "ah, ha ha ha.... funnypony."

 

"Sorry, that was mean of me.  Heh...... Here's one I've seen back home: Start a "pick your own bushel" grove. City ponies will travel for miles to pick their own apples and pay you for the privilege. Seriously! It's a.... farming.... countryside.... experience... thing. Give them a little discount, to make them feel they're getting a bargain, and they'll do all the work for you.

"When you go to the city, raise your prices, at least double or even triple. They expect it. In fact if they see 'inexpensive' in the cities, they'll think "cheap" and not buy it. But pricey equals quality--- and quality equals price. You don't see Rarity selling diamond spangled gowns for copper bits.

I grinned and paused. "Ahem, you know, I'm sure you know MOST of this stuff already, I'm not being condescending, I'm just trying to cover all the bases...."

Applejack stared at me in disbelief as I rambled on. "Sakes alive. Do you spend all day doin' nothing but thinkin' up stuff lahk this?"

I paused. I held out my hand. "Hello, my name is Arthur Arcturus, perhaps we haven't met....?"

Applejack busted out laughing.

 

---

 

"... E equals MC squared." I wrote the equation out on the chalkboard Twilight had helpfully conjured up. The bust of Einstein next to me seemed to approve.

"It doesn't seem like much... but that little equation unlocked some of the biggest secrets of the universe. It revealed that matter is made of energy, and that a tiny amount of matter---" I held my thumb and forefinger apart-- "no bigger than this is made of enough energy to... well... " I didn't want to use the illustration of "blow up Canterlot".... "uh, remember the picture of the atom bomb?" I asked. a dozen little heads nodded. "....speck of matter smaller than this."

"Whoa," Snips and Snails said, eyes round. I had the disturbing premonition that the immediate future involved a lot of juvenile nuclear experimentation. I was rather glad to know that they were highly unlikely to stumble across nuclear fission mucking about in their parents' garden shed. Then I contemplated the horns on their heads and reconsidered... I was going to have a long and very urgent discussion with Twilight and the Princesses about that. "Einstein's theories also revealed some other unusual things about the universe," I went on, seriously hoping to distract the little fourlegged Oppenheimers. "Like the fact that space is curved. And that nothing in the universe can travel faster than the speed of light. That time slows down the faster you go, or the stronger that gravity gets.... and many other amazing things as well." I tapped the bust with my chalk. "For this reason he's regarded as one of the greatest minds that ever lived."

"See? Told ya.... smart," I overheard Scootaloo say.

Diamond Tiara tipped her nose up and smirked. "Too bad he wasn't smart enough to help you Blank Flanks get a Cutie mark," she said. She and Silver Spoon waggled their rumps, flashing their marks at a scowling CMC.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. Diamond Tiara, even by standards for bullies, you are tiresome. Don't you know anything other than that one-note song?

When I had first arrived in Ponyville, My encounter with the Crusaders had been short and, I suppose mildly controversial would be the right term. Upon hearing that Twilight was playing host to a strange visitor from another dimension, they had immediately succumbed to "Expert Syndrome" and raced over to the Library to gain words of wisdom from the far traveling, and presumably profoundly knowledgeable alien being about how to obtain a Cutie Mark.

I had been implored by Twilight and a couple of the others to, contrary to my Brony instincts, PLEASE not give them any advice. But when those three pairs of puppy-dog eyes had met mine I had folded like wet toast... I had promptly blurted out what I thought their Cutie Marks would be (carpentry for Applebloom, singing for SweetieBelle, and sports for Scootaloo.)

Imagine my surprise when the three of them did NOT experience an instantaneous epiphany about their calling in life... in fact the consequences had been a little catastrophic. I came to find out the next day that all three had broken down in tears, demanding to know why their Cutie Marks still hadn't appeared yet, was there something wrong, they weren't sure that they wanted to do those things anyway.... what if they weren't MEANT to... oh, havoc, calamity and woe.

I had received a rather lengthy and somewhat loud lecture from Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, and several others--- even Granny Smith and the Cakes contributed their sharp tongues when they heard--- about a little thing called reverse psychology, and how pony psychologists knew that TELLING a foal what their special talent was, even when it was as obvious as the nose on their faces, almost always backfired like that.... apparently it was common folk wisdom that telling a blank flank what their talents were would make them take even longer to have that "know thyself" moment.

I won't bother describing the "wacky hijinks" involved in unraveling that mess. But per their friends and family's wishes, I helped convince them that my kneejerk conclusion was all a "weird alien" misunderstanding. Teaching Scootaloo how to fly had completely redeemed me in the CMC's eyes, but I was still disgruntled about the whole cutie mark fiasco. I fear I was growing too comfortable in my "armchair expert" role, and getting something wrong like that rankled.

But today, it was my stage, my lecture, my audience, my rules. And maybe a chance to patch some of the damage I had caused? I looked over at Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. "Tiara, Spoon--- did you have something you wanted to contribute? And quit wiggling your butts at people, it looks unwholesome." Applebloom, Sweetiebelle and Scootaloo sniggered.

Tiara and Spoon looked chagrined for about a tenth of a second. "Well it's TRUE," Diamond Tiara said. "Everyone says you're so smart but you don't know a thing about Cutie Marks." She pointed an accusing hoof. "You even told us yourself, humans don't get cutie marks. So how would you know anything about them?"

"A good question," I said with deliberate cheerfulness. "Tell me, everyone--- you too, ladies--- and Spike; how does anyone learn anything about something they don't know?"

"By study and research," Twilight said confidently.

"By...asking questions?" Spike said.

"By reading lotth of bookth," this from Twist.

"By trying different things out." A surprising answer from Rarity.

"By practicing," Rainbow Dash said.

"Ooh! Ooh! I know! By taking lessons from somepony who already knows!" Pinkie said, bouncing into the air.

Snails held up a hoof. "By Observation, Hypothesis, Prediction, Experimentation, and Analysis," he said in his slow, lethargic drawl. Everyone, myself included, stared. "Whaaaat?"

Twilight hung her head and muttered. "I knew that one...."

"Those are all very good,and--" I looked briefly at Snails "--somewhat surprising answers... but I was getting at something more basic. People learn by watching, and listening, and by thinking. That's how a person who can never actually climb a mountain or walk on the surface of the Moon can learn about them. They may not always get their theories completely right, but if they make a mistake they learn from it and watch, and listen, and think some more. It's amazing how much doing just that accomplishes."

"So what's the point?" Diamond Tiara said.

"The point, young filly, is that I'm not a complete idiot just because I don't have a cutie mark." The foals laughed.

        "Well, then," Cheerilee said. "What have you learned by 'watching, listening and thinking" about Cutie Marks, Mr. Arcturus?"

"I've learned that I have a lot of questions I'd like to ask," I said. The foals laughed again; I pulled up a chair and sat down to ease my aching knees, resting my chin on the head of my cane. "Let me ask you this; if you could choose to NOT have a Cutie Mark... would you?"

I think I broke the brains of several of them, especially the CMC. "No WAY!" Scootaloo said, wings buzzing in alarm at the thought. "Who'd want to be without a cutie mark?"

"Humans?" I suggested. "We've done without 'em entirely." I shifted in my seat. "Of course, there was one time I thought I would've liked to have one. Humans spend their whole lives asking themselves who they are, what they're supposed to do with their lives, who they're meant to be. You ponies, you've got it stamped right there on your flank for all the world to see.....

"But then again, I've noticed it can cause you a great deal of problems."

Sweetie Belle looked disgusted. "Tell us about it," she said.

I laughed. "No, I mean it causes problems for the ones who have it." There was a round of puzzled looks at this. I addressed the mane 6. "Back when I was on Earth, when I was a Brony.... one of the people who watches this world.... "(The given, official line about my origins. Don't tell anyone different, please) "the other Bronies and I noticed that you seem to have... ah, problems when you thought you failed to live up to your Cutie Mark. Pretty severe ones. We even had a name for it... Cutie Mark Failure Insanity Syndrome. You seemed to have a drastic emotional breakdown...to the point your personalities inverted."

"Oh come on, when have I ever had a breakdown?" Rainbow Dash snorted. She settled to the ground with the others, her glare challenging.

"Best Young Flyer competition," I shot back. I didn't add any details.

Rainbow Dash blustered. "That was just nerves," she said.

"Yes, it was. To the point you went from the most confident pegasus in Cloudsdale to the least. It took your friend being in peril to snap you out of it." Rainbow Dash scowled, but she didn't deny it. She was too busy ignoring the affectionate teasing from the other girls. "The rest of you: Rarity, her fashion show with your dresses--- it bombed, she went from the most flamboyant mare in Ponyville to a recluse who was pondering becoming a hermit. Applejack, that first Applebucking season after Twilight moved to town. You became so obsessed with doing the work of your whole family by yourself that you became the most UNreliable pony in town. And then there was the rodeo... you went so far as to run off on your family to hide the truth. And remember Pinkie Pie's birthday? I tell you, you just shattered when you thought noone liked your parties anymore.... but, point made, I think."

The mares were exchanging awkward looks, so I let off. Children, however, are merciless. "What about Twilight and Fluttershy?" Applebloom asked. I looked to the two mares in question.

         "He, um, might be referring to my, ah, teeny little breakdown when I thought I was tardy," Twilight muttered. "Oh-- the Smarty Pants thing, darn it!" she said to answer the puzzled looks.

Fluttershy looked like she was going to implode in a ball of pink and yellow fluff. "Just go ahead and say it," she whimpered from under her wings.

"The Grand Galloping Gala," everyone else said together. The "Meep" from behind those wings could have shattered insulin injectors around the globe. There was awkward laughter and some consoling nuzzling all around.

         "Point made," I said. "From a human's perspective-- mine--- it seems like having a cutie mark puts you under a lot of pressure. Unfair pressure, really.

"And it also makes it easier for other ponies to falsely judge you.... Miss Cheerilee, I suspect at least a few ponies have asked you how your gardening is going, due to your three daisies there?" I pointed my cane at her mark.

Cheerilee chuckled. "It's true," she admitted.

"You know, come to think about it, in some cultures your cutie mark is much clearer than others," I said, suddenly.

"Oh?" Cheerilee asked.

"Oh yes. in Japan they would figure out you were a teacher right away. You see in Japanese primary school, the teachers give out these little merit stickers to their students. Which just so happen to look like..." I pointed at her cutie mark grin. "Flowers with smiley faces on them."

Cheerilee regarded her own cutie mark with a surprised smile. "Well. How about that."

"It's rather interesting that a cutie mark that is so vague in its home region becomes completely transparent in another. I suppose someone could do an entire in depth study on cutie marks and cultural relevance," I said. "Or probably already has... point being, for symbols indicating one's most prominent feature or personality trait, they can be curiously vague."

"But back to the topic.... okay, let me ask first; has there EVER been a pony who grew up without a cutie mark? Just so I know."

"No, I've never heard of such a thing," Cheerilee said. "Neither have I," said Twilight. There was a general consensus; noone present had ever heard of any pony who'd grown to adulthood without getting a Cutie Mark.

         "Okay, that's good news, girls," I said to the CMC. "Cheer up, you WILL get your marks, eventually." They seemed perked up by that information.

"So... what happens if, when they're way up in their years, a pony gets a new passion? Does their Cutie Mark change? What if in her fifties, Rainbow Dash decides she's sick of competitive flying, she wants to take up, I don't know, deep sea diving?"

"As if!"

"It's just an example, Dash. Or... what happens if something happens and she can never fly again? What happens when you just can't pursue your Special Talent anymore?" I let that sink in for a moment. "I don't know how it is with ponies, but with humans, nobody is just one thing. And nobody's the same person they were yesterday, or who they will be tomorrow. thank you no, I'll keep my blank flank. If for no better reason than to spare everyone seeing me drop trou whenever I'm asked for my credentials." I got a laugh for that.

I addressed the Cutie Mark Crusaders."Don't get me wrong, Cutie Marks are a wonderful gift, they let you know something important about who you are. But they're not ALL that you are, or all that you will be. YOU'LL decide what they mean, they don't decide what YOU mean. Don't let a picture on your behind decide all that you are."

"If it's all the same, I'd still like to have one," Applebloom said.

I chuckled at that. How very Tin Man of Oz.  "You know, I think that's why you're having so much trouble getting one," I said.

"Arthur--" Twilight said warningly.

I shushed her. " Bear with me here, Twilight. Look, you've heard all the stories about how ponies got their cutie marks," I said. "What were they all doing when they got them?"

Scootaloo shrugged. "Idunno," she said. "They were all just doin' stuff and it happened."

"They were 'doing stuff' that they enjoyed," I clarified. "Stuff that made them happy, made them feel good. They were chasing their dreams. But all you've been chasing is your Cutie Mark. This--" I poked Twilight in the nearest available Cutie Mark, making her eep-- "this isn't the prize, this is just the ribbon you get for being in the race."

They looked like they were almost getting the concept. "Ah... sorta git it..." Applebloom said.

I sighed and tousled their manes. "Like I said, don't worry about it too much. A Cutie Mark just tells ponies what's already there, anyway." They smiled at that.

"Can I drop a leeeeetle suggestion though? If you're going to keep doing this Crusadering thing?" They nodded eagerly. Ahhh, still victims of the Expert Syndrome, alas. "Instead of all of you doing the same thing, and trying to get the same Cutie Mark... why not take turns? You all work on trying to get one of you a Cutie Mark. The first day you work on Applebloom. The next, Scootaloo. The third, SweetieBelle. And so on. It's lots more likely to work than all three of you getting the same Cutie Mark at once..."

I realized with some embarrassment that I'd drifted off topic again into a private chat. Till I noticed that the rest of the foals, particularly the other blank flanks in class, were crowding in to listen. Apparently the subject of Cutie Marks was an enthralling mystery to more than just the CMC. I saw how eagerly they were listening and......Ye gods, I am not only an insufferable know-it-all, I'm an instinctual meddler. "Oh, and you might consider taking in some new members," I said casually.

"Huh?"

"More ponies means more ideas, after all," I noted. "And it'd be rather sad if the Cutie Mark Crusaders just ended after you three got your marks. Just think of all the other unmarked little foals out there wishing someone would help THEM find THEIR Cutie Marks...." I paused meaningfully.

"Hey, that's kind of a cool idea," Scootaloo said. "That way the Cutie Mark Crusaders could go on forever." I thought I heard a horrified strangling noise somewhere in the back, but I chose to ignore it.

I noticed Twist peeking through the crowd. Poor thing... she'd been all but kicked to the curb after getting her mark, hadn't she? "And may I suggest," said, lowering my head conspiratorially, "you might ask a few of your friends who already have Cutie Marks to join?"

"But why?" Applebloom looked puzzled.

"Well, because they already have their Cutie Marks," I pointed out. "I'm sure, say, Twist would love to hang out with you and your friends, Applebloom--- and help you and the others hunt for your Cutie Marks...."

"Hey, yeah!" I can't describe how pleased I was to see her enthused by the idea of including her friend in the group. Children, I suppose, are heartless sometimes out of simplicity; they just don't know enough to know they're being cruel.

The foals began to chatter amongst themselves. The popularity of the Space Monkey's idea seemed to be growing. As Scootaloo moved to recruit Rumble, Applebloom awkwardly tapped a gleeful Twist and SweetieBelle got both Pipsqueak and Dinky on the list, I glanced over the group and saw Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon gawping at me in horror as their worst nightmare came true before their very eyes. Silver Spoon looked dismayed, but most likely because she was standing so near a nearly incandescent Diamond Tiara. The spoiled little pink princess pony was glaring at me with an expression that all but screamed I WILL DESTROY YOU.

My giddy enjoyment of the moment was barely even tainted by the fact that Rarity was wearing an almost identical expression. Her pupils were pinpricks as she spoke, presumably to the dismayed looking Applejack next to her. "He franchised them..." she whimpered.

The strain of holding back my laugh nearly ruptured me.