Rarity spent weeks all but floating on air. Sometimes literally; she took to flying far more naturally than Twilight had, poor thing. She loved the attention and glamour, of course, and as to suddenly being at the pinnacle of high society, she wove among them as deftly as her needle and thread wove through silk. I think the hardest thing she had to adjust to was having someone else fitting her for dresses.

The staff was a little less elated; they were suffering a bit of "Princess Fatigue" at this point. Between Twilight's obliviousness to the royal niceties, Rarity's inevitable commandeering of the design of her own coronation gown and Rainbow Dash's mulish refusal to be frou-froued up at all, the staff were in tears.

The royalty in general were growing agitated as well. As it stood the already-existing princesses were now debating whether to simply coronate the remainder of the Mane Six now and save time; it was after all quite obvious which way the trend was going. I suggested giving them the title "Princess Apparent" as a compromise. Celestia and Luna were still mulling over that one. In addition, for various reasons (Twilight in order to form an efficient network of helpers, Rarity for generosity to those whose deeds she admired, Rainbow Dash because she was lazy and didn't want to muck about with "all that princess crap") the new Princesses had been knighting, duking, and earl-ing ponies left and right. It was somewhat necessary; Princesshood apparently came with certain titular claims over various bits and bobs of land... most of which (by, ahem, Celestial design) were abandoned bits of territory left to lie fallow. The new Princesses now needed help overseeing their new holdings, which meant slapping down various stewards, landlords and barons and whatnot to hold down the fort, knights to patrol it, et cetera.

Most of the titles were honorary or symbolic, but quite a few came with a good bit of clout. Many of the hereditary houses were barking in outrage that having so many princesses, knights, earls, dukes, lords, ladies, and what not was diluting the authority of the "ancient" noble houses as a whole, and that soon they would all be indistinguishable from the common pony.  "Soon even the title of Princess will be nothing but ceremony!" One gangly old fart could be heard saying round the palace.

One could almost hear the quiet smile Celestia and Luna shared. The fact that many of the new titles (at their not so subtle-- or even necessary-- urgings) were going to earth ponies, batponies, crystal ponies and other Equestrian minorities (even, shock horror outraged nobility standing aghast, at least one donkey, a couple of gryphons and a zebra) only seemed to add to their amusement. I should have known what a monster I was unleashing when I let that muttered complaint about 'racist arrogant nobles needing a wake-up call' fall past my lips in their hearing.

On that note, I have to say it is an extraordinary learning experience, working for beings who were so incredibly ancient. It certainly gives you an inkling of the universal truths of human... or sapient... nature. After thousands of years of life one would expect Celestia and Luna to be unfathomable wells of inscrutable wisdom; yet, while they were in fact quite wise... um, generally... they were still at the end of the day mere sinners like the rest of us-- mortal finite beings still susceptible to the errors, foibles, and shortsightedness we all suffer.

If anything their long lives, while immunizing them to certain petty errors, seemed to make them more vulnerable to others--- dreadful habits of thought, or just plain dreadful bad habits period. Imagine trying to cure a smoker or a nail-biter with a few centuries behind the vice. (hence Celestia's irresolute practice of snarfing slabs of cake the size of her head.) Thus I found that my own advice, when adopted, was done so with frightening enthusiasm-- simply because it was so novel to them, and shocked them out of habits of thinking they hadn't even realized they'd fallen into.  When I suggested the idea that perhaps it was time that someone besides unicorns be granted royal titles, they informed me with wide-eyed astonishment that the idea had simply never entered their heads!

Make no mistake, this was in no way a one-way street. I think it goes without saying that I myself had quite a few paradigms shifted quite violently since arriving here. Talking ponies will do that to a fellow.

But I digress.... anyway, it was a bit alarming how avid they were about new ideas. Sometimes they seemed like children with their first taste of chocolate. Then again, they could have simply been taking advantage of the chaos... quite literally, in this case... to do a little updating and housecleaning and stir some stumps a thousand years or so left sitting.

With that in mind, while everypony was out setting the thousand-year-old system of Equestrian nobility on its ear, I was recusing myself from giving any further advice by the simple expedient of making myself unavailable. The Princesses were busy plotting, planning, panicking (Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Twilight-- but mostly Twilight) and preparing for the next draconequus attack...

Me, I was mucking about with the weather.

It was some time after the conflict with Anarchy, and I was idling away my spare time with my oversized chemistry set. The Home Weather Lab had arrived some time ago from Cloudsdale. I had quickly set it up, begun dabbling and immediately became addicted. I'm a little ashamed to admit that my personal allowance quickly depleted as I began spending extravagantly on the hobby. I now had an entire room filled with beakers, tubes, bottles, boxes,  weather prisms, rainbow juice, things that went zap, other things that went doink, and every other tool and toy of the trade plus a few extra. It looked like a mad scientist's attic. At every opportunity I could manage I would sneak off to that room and fiddle about with liquid moonbeams and canisters of summer breeze.

I can't say how much disciplined science went on in there. I fear my understanding of morphic resonance meteorology and quintessence science only rose to an extremely juvenile level; I was more interested in playing with things and making flashy sparkles than I was in doing rigorous science. Heaven knows poor Twilight would have been tearing her mane out at my undisciplined dabbling. I didn't care though; I was having too much fun.

Violette and Applebloom were accompanying me; the two of them had taken to playing Mad Scientist's Assistant whenever they came over. Violette was just as fascinated with my dabblings as I was, and Applebloom's curiosity was just as irrepressible. I was something of an enabler; felt obligated after my first Cutie Mark Fiasco to at least encourage Applebloom in pursuits that might clue her in to her special talents. I even went so far as to secure an entire set of potions equipment just for her. I had witnessed her working with Zecora, and from what I recalled on the show the little earth filly did seem to have a dab hoof at Equestrian chemistry. I'd even enlisted Twilight and Zecora in expanding her equipment and supplies to include Zebrican potions and unicorn alchemy, and a few books and subtle hints at "neat experiments" to try.  

Needless to say, we monitored her closely. As it was I suspect the security staff was getting ulcers from the idea of me in the same room as a Cutie Mark Crusader and a complete collection of volatile thaumaturgical chemicals.

I was fiddling about with clouds again. Thus far I had managed to recreate a genuine miniature Cloudsdale quality cloud.(1) A small poofy one, about five feet long. It hovered over the work table, fluffy and quiescent. I clapped my hands together, pleased. "Excellent! Okay, now this time we try adding a little moonlight infused quintessence...." I climbed up on a stepladder, leaning over the cloud. Violette handed me a tray of tubes and bottles. I picked one with a squeeze bulb attached (quintessence) and gave the cloud a liberal spritzing. "And now for a drop of oop!" I'd made the mistake of leaning over the cloud too far. The bottle of spring breezes in my hand spilled half its contents, and test tubes of sunshine, liquid chaos magic and a tube of distilled surface tension spilled out of the tray and into the cloud. the cloud began to glow, then to shimmy and shake.

"Ooohboy," Applebloom said. She dropped her flower potion project and galloped behind the safety screen in one corner of the room. Violette and I made haste to join her. The cloud continued to wibble and bobble, squashing and stretching faster and faster like a runaway animation test. Just when it seemed to be building up to a calamitous conclusion, it suddenly stopped and resumed floating innocently in place, as if nothing happened.

We peeked out from behind the barricade. The cloud began chiming softly... and emitting bubbles. Shimmering bubbles with a vivid rainbow iridescence, no less. I poked at it carefully with a gloved hand. "Well... it's certainly not a snow cloud."

"Nope." Applebloom cocked her head. "Kinda neat, though."

"It would be fun at parties, I am thinking," Violette said cheerfully. A bubble popped on her nose. She touched her nose with the tip of her tongue. "Hmm, it tastes like spring rain."

Curious, I popped a bubble in my hand and tasted the residue. No soap flavor as one would expect; just rain, with a faint hint of quintessence. Hm. One of the ingredients must have been treated with quintessence to contain the morphic resonance of the surface tension, or constant mean curvature under balanced pressure....

...and that was the point I realized I was hanging around Princess Twilight a bit too much. I actually understood most of that.

There came a hammering on the door. "Enter," I called out.(2) Cloud Wing entered. His expression could have told me everything. "The Princesses have summoned you," he said. "The next attack has begun."

"Oh dear." And thus our little session of quality time ended. "Violette, would you escort Applebloom back to the Apple family suite? I'd best be on my way..."

"But of course." She reached up and gave me a quick one-legged hug, then set to chivvying Applebloom out the door. I went around the room securing all the loose ingredients, putting everything in order (after one or two less-than-humorous magical lab accidents, even I could learn to be tidy) and pocketing a few odds and ends I suspected I might need.

"What is the nature of the attack?" I asked Cloud Wing as we trotted through the castle. My usual retinue, Hat Trick, Bright Dawn, Moth and Jonquil  fell in around me. We had more than enough time to talk; Canterlot is not merely an enormous castle but one built on pony scale, which is determined not by size so much as what qualifies as an easy walk for a plainsdwelling quadruped. "A short trot" is a different thing for a pony than it is for a human. For not the first time I contemplated investing in a mobility scooter. Or at least a pair of roller skates. "I haven't notice anything off kilter."

"Neither have we, Sir," Bright Dawn said.

That almost brought me up short. "Have the princesses said anything?" I said, lowering my voice. I knew that if noone had noticed, then keeping word from spreading would help prevent panic. All I got was a shake of the head.

Oh dear. This was urgent.

Rather than the throne room, we ended up further down into the castle, down a winding course of hallways and stairwells into the actual mountain itself. We met Celestia standing in a rarely-navigated hallway, next to an enormous gold-framed painting. The distress on her face was unsettling. The rest of the Princesses and the Mane Six were there as well.  Before anyone could speak she raised a hoof. "What I am about to show you must not move beyond this circle of ponies," she said, and flicked the tip of her horn at the painting.

The painting swung outward on oiled hinges, revealing a thick brass door behind it. Ah, another of the castle's many treasure vaults... Celestia and Luna stashed their 'mad money' about like Pinkie Pie stashed rubber balls and eye patches. The heavy door in turn swung open, revealing an impossibly huge room filled with...

"Coal?" Everyone exclaimed.

"Coal, and other assorted rubbish," Luna said grimly. The room behind the door was filled with heaps of black, crumbling rock, mingled with dust and gravel.

 

"Um, I don't get it?" Rainbow Dash said.

"Yesterday this vault was filled with gems," Celestia said unhappily.

I stepped inside carefully and picked up a lump from a nearby pile, rolling it in my fingers. "Let me guess..." I said. "Twilight, Rarity, either of you got a spell for identifying minerals...?"

There was a snort behind me. "Oh please," Pinkie Pie said. "Never send in a unicorn to do an earth pony's job." She stepped inside, started sniffing around and grinding various pebbles under her foot and tasting the dust off her hoof. After a moment she said "Mostly coal, but quite a bit of aluminum  and silicon oxides, some beryllium, and traces of chromium."

The others stared at her, but I nodded. "Coal for the diamonds, aluminum oxide  for sapphires, aluminum oxide and chromium for rubies, beryllium and silicon for emerald and amethyst."

"Wait, wait--- aluminum for sapphires?" Rainbow Dash said. "You mean the stuff in pop cans?"

I nodded. "We humans found ways to synthesize rubies and sapphires from aluminum," I said. "And diamonds, well, you just take carbon-- that's coal-- put it under heat and pressure, and it turns into diamonds."

"You can MAKE gems out of DIRT? From SCRATCH?" Rarity boggled.

"Thy species is astounding in its inventiveness," Luna murmured. I was surprised at their amazement, till I reflected that in their world, magic made gemstones grow in the dirt like potatoes. They had an entire branch of agriculture built around growing and harvesting the results. My revelation that humans could manufacture gemstones must have been like announcing I could build apples and oranges with carpentry tools.

"Are you certain this was a draconequus attack, Celestia?" Twilight said, scanning the inside of the vault with a purple beam. "This doesn't seem very... er... Draconequus-y."

"It is rather... subtle," Fluttershy said.

"Yeah. Not enough chocolate rain or carnivorous pies or stuff," Rainbow Dash chipped in. "I mean, it's gotta suck losing a whole vault of gems...wowsers... but it's not like the rock farmers won't be producing more. Shoot, Rarity hauled home more gems than this from the Diamond Dogs that one time."

"It is draconequus magic though," Twilight said, continuing to run purple magic over the former treasure trove. "But it's surprisingly faint..."

"This isn't the only gem vault in the castle that I'm worried about," Celestia said. Were she human she would have been wringing her hands together. "And it's not the content of the vaults that is so terrible as the timing."

"What do you--- ohmigosh, the dragons!" Twilight yelped, her wings standing out.

"What?" I asked.

"Indeed," Celestia said. "The trade emissary from the dragon lands is here. If we have nothing to give him but vaults full of coal..." her tone was ominous.

Twilight gulped. "Girls, we need to check all the gem vaults, fast!" She pulled out several scrolls of parchment and began magically duplicating a map of the castle. "Grab one of the Assistant Treasurers, they have the keys and combinations to all of them. Rarity, you take vaults one through three. I'll take four through seven. Dash, you take eight through fourteen, you're fastest. Luna will take fifteen through twenty five. We've got to secure those gems!"

"You got it, Twi! C'mon, Fluttershy---" Rainbow Dash took off in a burst of red-tinted rainbow light. Fluttershy trailed after her in a flurry of "oh dear oh dear oh dear."

"And I will be going to check on our guests," Celestia said. The next moment, to my startlement, I felt myself lifted off the ground. Celestia set me on her back. "Hang on, Arthur," she said. "We will be going rather fast. I will explain on the way." She took to the air. I grabbed a double handful of her mane and held on as we swooped out a window and hurtled into the sky.

I immediately tried to distract myself from the height and speed we were flying. "So I'm obviously missing something important here," I shouted over the wind, my voice unnaturally high. "Am I to understand that Equestria is paying the dragons some sort of Dane-geld?" The thought was galling.

"Dane geld?" Celestia asked. Her voice was, of course, magically modified to reach my ears. She didn't even have to raise her voice as I did.

"Tribute," I said as we circled up over the palace. "Protection money. You pay them, they don't torch Equestria!"

"Hardly anything so craven," Celestia said. She gave a snort and tossed her head. "The dragons know far better than to try and extort from us. No, this is-- a bit more complicated. Haven't you wondered why gemstones are as expensive as they are in Equestria?"

"Now that you mention it..." I admitted. I had been flummoxed at figuring out the exchange rate for gemstones to bits. There seemed to be no pattern to it. A fist-sized gemstone would be fobbed off on a bellboy as a tip, and the next minute a sliver of jewel the size of your fingernail would be used to rent a carriage for the day.  I had chalked it up to some arcane difference my unpracticed eye could not make out and shrugged it off. Even then, though, it made no sense; regardless of color or cut they were literally as common as gravel. "So why is that?"

"Simple," Celestia said. "Dragons can't grow them." She banked and we began to slowly circle the mountain that Canterlot stood on.

That simple phrase made everything click into place. Dragons didn't just hoard gemstones in Equestria, they ATE them. In fact it seemed to make up the bulk of their diet. And a full-grown dragon probably ate countless pounds of them daily.... enough to keep scarcity fairly high.

"The dragon lands are mountainous, and very volcanic," Celestia went on. "Which is terrible for growing gemstones. What it is good for is smelting metals right from the rock-- iron, copper--"

"Silver and gold," I finished. "Which they trade to you for gems."  It made sense. The dragons could dig up ore and, what with being fireproof enough to wade into molten lava, smelt it with their bare claws... but so far as I'd seen, didn't eat it. Ponies, however, could grow gems like gangbusters, and preferred to mint their currency in gold and silver. It also answered a question I'd harbored since my days as a Brony on earth: why had the red smoking dragon's hoard been full of gold, while the green dragon in the Everfree forest had a hoard of nothing but gems? Simple. The red smoker was from outside Equestria, and had hoarded gold to pay for gems, while the green lived IN Equestria and could probably dig up as many gems as he wanted.

Celestia slowed and banked again, reducing her airspeed. "We could probably use gemstones as currency," Celestia said. "But dragon consumption-- and varying tastes-- keeps their value unstable."

"Not advisable to use a perishable commodity as a money base anyway," I said. I recalled the Confederate South and its cotton standard; China and its money of pressed blocks of tea.

Celestia nodded. "Gold is longer lasting and a more stable commodity, we use it in trade with other, non draconic races. And even though they're always digging up new sources, dragons produce it at a rate about level with our economic growth..."

"Which helps prevent shocks of massive inflation or deflation," I said. We were now flying slow enough that I could talk in a normal tone of voice. I realized we were on the opposite side of the mountain from the city. There was a large cave entrance below, halfway up the mountain; Celestia was dropping altitude, heading for it. I could see pony guards stationed at the cavern mouth, awaiting our arrival.

"And thus we keep a balance," Celestia said. "The dragons get their gems-- and a disincentive to invading us, as the longer-thinking ones are aware that we can grow them better than they can. We get a stable currency in the form of gold. The price of gems stays balanced, which supports the rock farming communities. More or less, everyone benefits." She coasted in for a graceful landing at the mouth of the cave. Guards trotted forth to stand attendant for us.

I made a less than graceful dismount, stumbling and staggering; she was kind enough to lend me a wing. I straightened my jacket and hat and caught my breath. "And let me guess; there's a big handoff of gems for gold due today, am I correct?" I huffed.

Celestia nodded. "There are other complications," she said. "You recall the origins of most of the... pseudo-human technology you have seen in Equestria." I nodded; no need to mention the World Mirror here. "Well quite bluntly, we had to subtly... well... outsource most of it to other races. Gryphons and minotaurs, for instance. They have hands. We do not." She waggled a hoof. "Luna and I hoofed off the technology to them-- which they adopted quite readily. Now, they do most of the actual manufacture."

"Which is why everything is still more or less made for hands," I guessed. "Equestria imports merchandise from foreign lands-- and they're not exactly blazing new trails in equine ergonomics out there. It also means you operate at a trade deficit. Gold goes out, goods come in. Which is why you need this gold influx..."

"We trade most of our gems to the dragons for most of their gold. We trade most of our gold to the minotaurs and gryphons for most of their consumer goods. The gryphons and minotaurs trade most of their gold back to the dragons for most of their other metals and raw commodities--- iron, copper, and so forth... with pretty much every other good or commodity tangled up somewhere in that web." Celestia's mouth set in a grim line. "And if an entire year's harvest of gemstones vanishes..."

"No influx of gold this year," I said. "The price of gold in Equestria jumps due to scarcity, and the price of gems will rise worldwide. But the gryphons and minotaurs will still be flush with gold from the last fiscal cycle, and with unsold consumer products from this one. Price speculation, bank runs, bursts of inflation, deflation...shockwaves that could take years to smooth out.

"And worst, for the dragons this will be a food shortage." I felt a cold shiver run down my spine. Even among squishy humans, that was the sort of thing that started wars. And this would happen with dragons. Hungry, angry dragons. "Wait. Could this much calamity really arise from just one shipment going astray?"

"When it is for the entire year, yes," Celestia sighed. "Having dragons flying back and forth over Equestria is disruptive as it is, and the dragons refuse to let a train line be laid through their lands. The couriers from the dragon lands use extradimensional bags to carry a whole year's gemstones in one trip." She gestured at the cave entrance before us. "We even have to put the dropoff point out of direct sight of Canterlot, to prevent panic in the streets from overflying dragons."

"So this is the new Draconequus strategy," I murmured. "Economic chaos."

"And he shall have it, if we do not catch him before the other vaults are damaged," Celestia muttered back. "If the repercussions are bad enough the next dragon flight over Equestria might degrade from a migration to a raid."

The way into the cave was blocked by two enormous doors. The guards hastened to work the chains that ran through them, slowly swinging the doors wide. Light and what sounded like someone speaking... no.. singing?... came forth as they cracked open. "So, ah, why did you bring me here, exactly, Your Highness?" I said.

"Hopefully, to help me distract the emissary," she said, her voice low. I was not happy to hear the nervousness in her voice. "He expressed some intense interest in meeting 'the world's only human.' Please. We need to keep him distracted and amiable until the girls can find this new draconequus-- and stop him from spreading this ruin to the entire Equestrian economy!"

Just inside the doors was an enormous, draconic silhouette. "Ah, there you are, Princess," a guttural voice boomed. "We had begun wondering where you'd gotten to."

I swallowed, my throat dry. "I'll do my best," I whispered back. With wings tucked in, heads held high, cane under arm and hat at a hopefully cocksure jaunty angle, we strode inside to have tea with a dragon.

 

 

---

 

1)To clarify, Cloudsdale construction clouds were infused at the factory with Pegasus-formed Quintessence, which gave them many of their more unusual properties.

2)After a few near misses with dropped volatile potions and misaimed miniature lightning bolts, the guards had learned to knock, no matter HOW urgent the message.