This is a story about ends.

//All is dark. A creature approaches with a light.
Creature: Drakeling. Can you hear me, drakeling?
//Is she talking to me? Ow, my head. What just happened?
Drakeling: If you could not talk so loud, maybe, that would be great. Who are you?
C: ...I am that which I am.
//Riddles. Because I need more questions.
Drakeling: Ooh, I've got one: what's big and white and looks nothing like a sphinx?
C: Cease. Today is an important day for you, drakeling. You enter now a land with noble roots, but ones that have been frayed by the approach of evil. You will find many who seek their own benefit at the expense of righteousness, but also many opportunities for the goodness to shine like a star.
Drakeling: I must be entering everywhere that's ever existed. What's with the cheesy language?
//The figure, less a horse than a force, raises her head back.
C: Mockery? Enough advice. Wake up. And try to play the part, lest you be killed.
Drakeling: Wait, no, I didn't mean--
//The creature's light is snuffed out. Nonexistence returns.

//The middle of the woods, below a small cliff and waterfall. I awake with a strange purple mare standing over me, opening one of my eyelids.
//I shake my head and she lifts her hoof away. My eyeball is dried out; how long has she been holding it open?
Strange Purple Mare: Finally, I was starting to get worried. Are you awake? How do you feel?
//I close my eyes. I feel confused, disorientated, vulnerable, caught out of the loop. I feel like I'm in the wrong world, that this is nothing I know and so much is expected out of me when I know so little.
Drakeling: ...I have to pee.
SPM: Uh, o-kay. I guess you were out for a long time. And you're talking, which is good. Talking's good. ...Anything else?
//She has a different voice than the creature before. Was that a vision, or is this?
Drakeling: It feels like my brain is on fire.
SPM: That's... less good.
//Should I grab my head and ask what happened? Should I know what happened? Should I not?
SPM: You hit your head pretty badly; you should stay still for now. I've called Nurse Joyful and she's coming as fast as she can.
//The mare lifts each of my eyelids and inspects my eyes. I scratch at the ground with my foot, feeling uncomfortable.
Drakeling: ...What are you doing?
SPM: Looking for oddly dilated pupils. Although that might be a mammal thing.
Drakeling: Why...?
//I'm not a mammal? I feel warmblooded...
SPM: Sign of concussion. Do you feel like vomiting at all? Oh, are you hurt anywhere else?
Drakeling: Hm. I can't feel my hand.
SPM: What?!
//She looks down.
SPM: Oh, that's because I was stepping on it, sorry.
//Sharp pain floods up my arm.
Drakeling: --!! I can feel it now!
SPM: Good!
//She beams.
//I grab my hand and clutch it close to my chest. Claws? What are those, scales? What the hell is a drakeling, anyway?
//A pony in a nurse's outfit bursts into the clearing, carrying a bag of medical supplies in her mouth. Sweat pours down her forehead.
Nurse (Joyful?): I came as fast as I could, Twilight. Is he still unconscious?
Twilight: Nurse Joyful! I'm so glad you're here.
Drakeling: 'Lo.
//Twilight steps back, giving me room to breathe. The air tastes different when a pony's not hovering right over me.
Nurse Joyful: Just stay right there, Spike, I'm a trained medical professional.
//'Spike'? Is she talking to me? I can't see who else it would be...
Spike(?): 'Kay.
NJ: How long has he been out?
T: About ten minutes. There was no blood; he just hit his head and went limp.
Spike: I can't believe the pupil thing is really important.
//I look down as she opens my eye. The pager on her leg reads "Everfree Forest, 13:43".
NJ: Spike, stay still. Has he vomited, unconsciously or consciously?
T: No.
NJ: ...You're a very lucky drakeling, Spike, and you are a very lucky unicorn, Miss Sparkle.
T: Don't I know it.
NJ: Do you feel like standing up?
Spike: Yes please.
//I stand up.
Spike: I don't--
//My legs give out under me. Nurse Joyful and Twilight rush over, and I stand up again with their help.
//Oh yeah, I have a tail. Forgot about that.
T: What was that?
Spike: Whatever it was, it's gone now.
NJ: Even if you can stand on your own, you should take it easy. Lean on Twilight.
T: What were you saying, Spike?
//...I think I should pretend like I know what's going on. The vision I saw seemed kind of ominous.
Spike: I don't know what I was thinking.
//Technically true.
T: What do you mean?
//...That was not as revealing as I wanted, crap. Uh...
Spike: I woke up after... what, ten minutes? What if I never woke up? Or what if I had died, or been paralyzed completely, or lost my entire memory?
//...Holy crap, I _have_ lost my entire memory! I've lost everything, my whole life! Who am I? What am I doing here?
Spike: ...
T: You can't blame yourself for hitting your head like that, Spike.
Spike: It sure feels like I can.
//I still have no clue what happened. Come on, throw some exposition my way!
T: Well, don't! I'm at least equally responsible for what happened!
//I sincerely doubt this pony, Twilight, would kill me for losing my memory like the 'Creature' from earlier said. She seems genuinely concerned for my welfare, but am I willing to take that chance?
NJ: As a medical professional, it's not my place to ask just exactly what that was, but if you two guiltbirds could take care of it later...
Spike: Uh, right. 'Course.
NJ: Excellent, eyes forward. How many hooves am I holding up?
//One. I stare at Nurse Joyful. Is that really a person's name? It sounds silly.
NJ: Yes, it's supposed to be a silly question. Answer it anyway.
Spike: One.
NJ: Good. What's your name?
Spike: Spike.
//I think.
NJ: Hers?
Spike: ...Twilight Sparkle.
NJ: Mine?
Spike: Joyful.
NJ: Where are you?
Spike: ...Everfree Forest.
NJ: What's the capital of Equestria?
//...Crap.
Spike: Hold on, let me remember...
//Twilight and Nurse Joyful lean in closer. I look to the sky, and a sudden ray of light bolts down.
Spike: Thirty seven point one million bits margin of error two hundred thousand as of last year.
//She pronounced capital with an 'a', not an 'o'.
NJ: ...Was the snarky answer really necessary?
T: Spike lived in Canterlot for years and we've visited it dozens of times. He's just being cranky.
Spike: Sorry, just woke up.
NJ: If you think you're not going to be okay, Spike, don't hesitate to say so. Are you sure your memory is all right?
Spike: Yes, I'm fine.
NJ: I still want to see you in my office in a few days to follow up. I'll be expecting an appointment with you soon. You know where my office is. Twilight, if anything happens on the way back, page me.
//Twilight nods, and Nurse Joyful leaves.
T: I'm so glad you weren't hurt, now we can go tell--
Spike: I lied. I don't remember anything. Who are you?

//A library built into a tree. Twilight closes the front door behind me, and in silence closes all the windows. When she is done, she presses her head against the stairwell.
T: Everything.
Spike: Everything.
T: _Everything_ everything?
Spike: Saying a word twice doesn't change its meaning.
T: And _why_ didn't you tell Nurse Joyful?
//I shrug. It's probably best not to mention the vision.
T: There must be some sort of spell for this.
//Twilight starts looking through the library's collection of arcane tomes, placing them back as she rejects each one.
Spike: You can cast spells? Are you any good at it? I'm not sure I want a novice spellcaster mucking about with my head.
T: All unicorns can cast spells, but I... what do you remember about me?
//Nothing, we've been over this.
Spike: I know your name is Twilight Sparkle; you're a unicorn from Ponyville, a town where a library inside a tree is a mundane sight. You know who I am and who Nurse Joyful is, and... that's all I know.
T: Nothing else? Not being friends for years, ever since you were a little hatchling -- a tiny dragon? We were ordered to Ponyville by the old Princess to study magic? Wacky adventures learning how to make and keep friendships? Sending reports about our learning to Celestia?
//I shrug. Nothing in the library triggers any memory. The telescope is shiny, though.
T: ...Do you remember anyone else?
//I think for a moment. Who was that pony in the dream?
Spike: I remember a tall pony, the size of a horse, white with wings and a long horn. Is that anyone?
//Twilight stops her search for books, and puts my head between her front hooves. She looks at my eyes. I'm a bit taller than her (and a bit slimmer, too).
T: Celestia? Why would you remember Celestia?
Spike: Why would I remember Celestia?
//A long pause. Twilight lets go of me and continues shuffling through the shelves.
T: ...I have no idea.
//I hop up on a table and start idly swinging my legs. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.
Spike: So how did I hit my head?
T: You were chasing a bird that had stolen an amulet from you. I tried to give chase, but by the time I caught up to you, you were going over the waterfall.
Spike: Didn't you say you were equally responsible for what happened? How are you responsible for that?
//She takes a quick breath.
T: The only reason we were in the Everfree Forest was to gather more lactarius deliciosus mushrooms because I couldn't gather enough on my own to make Zecora the tea I promised her next Tuesday with the time I already scheduled for mushroom gathering on Wednesday, because I forgot to take into account the lactarius deliciosus's similarity to the lactarius rubrilacteus which also grows in the same region because I hadn't yet read that far in my mushroom guide because I decided to sleep in Monday!
Spike: It definitely sounds like it was all your fault.
T: I was lazy and you paid the price, but I can fix this. I think.
//What if you can't?
Spike: Who's Zecora, anyone I know? Knew?
T: A zebra who I'm good friends with; lives in the Everfree Forest. Ah, here's the section!
//Twilight levitates a few books off of the shelf, using magic from her horn. She inspects the books for a half minute, face darkening.
T: No, no, no! Detecting Confabulations, False Memory Syndrome And You, The Dark Science: Creating Memories Vol. 2, nothing about recovering lost memory!
Spike: Why would a public library have a book called "The Dark Science: Creating Memories"? And why would there be a _second volume_?
T: A particularly lax library oversight committee and strong historical relevance clauses in censorship laws. Also, no one goes to this part of the library.
Spike: Why not?
//Twilight shakes her head and mutters:
T: No one likes magic theory.
//A knock on the door.
Voice From Beyond Door: Twilight? Are you home?
T: (Hey, could you do me a favor?)
Spike: (Not say or do anything?)
T: (You catch on pretty quick!)
Spike: (Staying paralyzed with indecision is really my only gameplan here.)
//Twilight opens the door.
T: Fluttershy!
Fluttershy: Oh, I'm sorry. If I knew you were reorganizing I wouldn't have come; I'm afraid I'm giving you more work.
//Twilight levitates the book inside and puts it on a pile.
T: What? Never mind; it's nothing. How did the book treat you?
FS: It was wonderful.
T: Good, good!
//Twilight motions to close the door.
FS: The incubus was no trouble at all once I'd done a little research; thank you again for digging that book out for me.
T: It's no problem at all! If you'd mind, I'm also in the middle of a little research right now, so...
//Twilight smiles. It looks more sheepish and prompting than false.
FS: ...Twilight? Is something wrong?
//Still smiling.
T: ...No!
//Twilight closes the door.
Spike: (You are a terrible liar).
T: (I hate lying to Fluttershy.)
//From beyond the door, Fluttershy says:
FS: Twilight, I'm sorry if I'm being forward, but I think something _is_ wrong.
Spike: (Why? Do you feel guilty?)
T: (No. I can never get away with it.)
FS: Please open the door.
T: (Before I met Fluttershy, I never imagined that empathy could be a supernatural ability.)
//Twilight opens the door.
T: Come on in.
FS: I do hope I'm not imposing, but you look very worried, and I know if I had a problem I'd feel just awful if no one wanted to help me.
T: I'm not the one with the problem.
Spike: Hi, Fluttershy.
//She looks at me for a long while. I swing my legs and look around; an owl swoops through the window to perch on the telescope and then flies away.
FS: It sounds like you're saying that for the first time.
//Damn, she's good.
T: He lost his memory.
FS: Oh? I'm sorry to hear that, Spike. It must be so terrifying for you, not knowing where you've been and what you've been doing. Do you mind if I ask how far back you can't remember?
Spike: Nothing. I have nothing at all. How old am I, anyway?
//Fluttershy holds a hoof to her mouth.
FS: ...My goodness...
//Twilight sits down in front of a bookshelf, staring at it in defeat.
T: Nothing. I have nothing at all. Not one good book.
//Fluttershy looks down at the floor, pawing at it once. Then she looks back and forth between us purple folk.
Spike: Hey, do you use that telescope all that often?
T: No, why?
//I shrug.
Spike: Just wondering.
FS: This is just... horrible!
//Fluttershy launches into the air, flying about with nervous energy and yellow wings.
FS: You don't remember a single thing? Who you are? Who you've been? Who we are, and who we've been? Adventures or lessons learned or moments with close ones? Do you remember anything?
//'We'? Close ones?
Spike: ...Were you guys my friends before this happened?
T: Spike, we _are_ your friends.
FS: And we always will be, no matter what.
Spike: Then do I want my memories back? Be honest; I wasn't a serial killer of some sort?
FS: No, of course not, Spike! Um, the serial killer. You aren't a bad person.
T: Besides, the event of total amnesia could be considered a change in personhood that would free you from any responsibility for your hypothetical grisly murders.
FS: Do you feel you want your memories back?
//...Yes, I do. No matter who I was.
Spike: ...Maybe being any sort of person is better than being no person at all.
//A clock spits out a small green bird and chirps eight times. The sun outside is rapidly fading.
T: Celestia's wings, it's getting late. Fluttershy, would you mind staying here with Spike for a while? I want to see what the magic library in Canterlot has on memory restoration.
FS: Of course not, it would be terrible to have to be alone right now.
T: Thanks.
//Twilight walks out of the room, and a POP is heard. Fluttershy sits down next to me.
FS: If there's anything you want to ask about, or anything I can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask.
Spike: Right now, I don't have enough understanding about anything to form a question to know more. But thank you.
FS: ...I'm sorry.
Spike: You apologize a lot, don't you?
//Fluttershy smiles, and nods.
FS: Don't worry. In time, you'll know enough to start asking questions. One day, you may start to find answers.
//For a minute, I stare at the setting sun through the window left open by the owl.
Spike: Actually, I do have a question. What's an incubus?

//All is dark. A creature approaches with a light.
Creature: Drakeling.
Spike: I found out who I am, by the way; I'm Spike.
C: A rose's embrace by any name.
//That's sweet of... hold on, is she calling me a prick?
C: Your adaptation to the role expected of you by those around you has been quick. It is fortunate that you followed my advice, young Spike, and played the part. A gear that twists away from its position is quickly mangled in the machine.
//Does this pony say anything in a straightforward manner?
Spike: Someone said you looked like Celestia. Are you Celestia?
C: Yes. I am Celestia.
Spike: Okay. Why is that important?
//Celestia pauses, blinking once.
C: It is possible, if you are clever, to reach conclusions even from what little information you are given. What sort of entity communicates with others through the network of dreams?
Spike: I'm not asleep.
//She looks amused.
C: Oh? What happened after you asked your once friend what an incubus was?
Spike: She ignored me, made some chickenblood soup that I really think was just hot water in a red bowl and I sat down in front of the telescope to watch the stars.
//Celestia smiles and nods.
Spike: I closed my eyes because I was tired, and the slumping forward was really because my back was in an awkward position for about an hour fine I'm asleep are you happy.
C: What kind of person holds coherent conversations in her sleep with a mysterious visitor, on the advent of great change in her life?
//'Her'? I'm not a girl.
Spike: ...Someone who's worth the attention of power. I can't tell if that says more about you, or me.
C: You are worthy of my attention, young Spike, not for who you are, but for who you will be.
Spike: I don't know either.
//A tiny sphere emerges from behind Celestia's ear. With only the slightest movements of her head, it zooms far in front of us, and inflates to colossal size.
Spike: You must win a lot at marbles.
//The sphere looks perfectly smooth, blue and green with streaks of white.
C: This is your world. More correctly, this is my world, for I have created it from the raw nothingness that came before it, and I oversee all within. You are simply one note in its song.
Spike: Why's this part white?
//I touch it. It's cold. That's snow.
Spike: Oh, it's snow. Right.
//Celestia looks on patiently as I stir away some floating whiteness with a finger. Those parts must have been clouds instead of snow. There must be a whole bunch of white things in the world that aren't snow.
C: It is normally the hoof of a deity that intercedes upon this world, Spike.
Spike: Oh, sorry.
//I watch the world slowly roll away for a minute. Hold on, how did I know that was snow?
Spike: Wait, I've never seen snow before. Or heard of it.
C: I am of the understanding that this is how amnesia works.
Spike: Then how do I even know what it is? Scratch that, how do I even know how to talk? Why do I remember motor control if I don't remember anything else?
C: It is one of the peculiarities of the brain's physical structure, little drakeling. You hit your head very hard, but you are neither dead or dumb yet.
Spike: 'Yet', she says. Real motivational speaker, you are.
C: Your mid-life encounter with tabula rasa is liberating, in a way you do not appreciate.
//Tabula Rasa? I haven't met anyone by that name.
//The world stops rolling, and simply hovers in front of us. With a dramatic wave of her wings, a large section of it is highlighted, and is set toward us in a specific orientation.
Spike: It looks like a bunny seducing a giraffe.
//She mutters:
C: You know, they always say that, but I never manage to see it...
Spike: Anyway, how is not remembering anything 'liberating'?
C: Do you see this land?
Spike: The bunny, the giraffe, or the giant--
C: All of it is called Equestria, and you live somewhere in it. All children born into this world, foal and hatchling and cub alike, are born without knowledge of language, motor skills, categories of precipitation--
Spike: 'This' world? Is there some other planet I should know about?
C: While all of those with ability are shaped and biased by their upbringing, never able to divide the state of the world from their own experiences.
Spike: Uh... okay.
//The highlighting fades.
C: Your rare circumstance allows you to enter the world with an open and questing mind, not subject to the limitations present in the minds of others. You can see the world as it is, not how others wish you to see it.
Spike: Then why'd you tell me to play the part in the first place?
//Celestia stays silent for a long while, staring at a part of the world. She eventually responds:
C: Some of us must put on an act for others to advance the greater good.
//I stand up, to stretch out my leg.
Spike: Here's hoping you won't ask me to put on a pony costume or something else freaky.
//In case you haven't noticed, I'm a dragon, not a pony. I think.
C: We will get your tasks in a moment. For now: you may have heard something about me in your waking hours. Can you remember what it is?
Spike: Hmm... was it, 'sending reports about our learning to Celestia'?
//Celestia laughs heartily.
C: It was a time of great mirth for me.
Spike: Are you the Princess of Equestria, then?
C: A deity becoming royalty, in the opposite of the more usual, but I abdicated that throne.
//You can do that?
Spike: Why?
//Celestia turns away. She closes her eyes for a long time, as the world beside us fades away.
C: That is a question not answered simply.
//Oh boy, storytime!
C: In the early days of my world, millenia before your existence, power and rule were synonymous: those who ruled did so because no one could stop them; the idea of who _should_ rule was meaningless. Naturality dominated all social systems, and the lives of all intelligent creatures were subject to continued terrors. The strong singularly dominated the weak, and took from them whatever they could for the reason that they could. I looked upon this result with great dismay, but I could not figure out how to make any lasting change.
Spike: At some point you had to, the world's not like that now.
C: One idea arose centering around divine authority: if perfection could be distilled into, or found residing in, religious doctrine, then could those most representative of religious doctrine be the necessary rulers? The answer was no, but it inspired within me another question: instead of the rule of those most able to imitate the gods, why couldn't a goddess herself rule?
Spike: But that didn't work?
C: Depends, if you consider over a dozen centuries of relative stability and happiness a failure.
//The deity who cares about the world as her own, and whose arrival was possibly the best thing to happen to it... got up and left one day?
Spike: Then why'd you leave?
C: If mortals require a deity to live in harmony, do they deserve to get it?
Wavering Voice One: ...Hello Twilight, I heard you were in town, so I wanted to ask...
Spike: The hell was that?
C: You're dreaming, Spike. That was real.
Spike: Reality affects your dreams?
C: It does mine.
Wavering Voice Two: ...I don't want to give you the wrong impression...
C: Our time is quickly finishing, so I will tell you this: you may think your own thoughts about power and the ability to rule, but she who rules Equestria today does not deserve to; she is false, a con mare and a crook. She is, plainly, evil.
Spike: Why? What's she done?
C: You'll find out.
WVO: ...damaged his memory? He has no idea who even I am?...
C: You must venture forth as a just storm, bringing my judgment to the mare who has made herself beyond reproach. Become a beacon for your people, one that binds the scattered together by your will and lights a path for them to follow. Gain the power, and learn the world, so that you yourself know why the false Princess of Equestria must be overthrown. Destroy her, and bring Equestria into a new day.
Spike: 'Just storm'? 'Beacon for my people'? You're throwing a lot of metaphors and I'm not catching them.
//I need a metaphor glove.
Spike: Why are you telling me this? I'm not a Hero or anything, even if you say I'm going to be...
//Celestia lowers her head, spreads her wings, and speaks in a low tone:
C: ...It is possible I may reverse the loss which has been inflicted on you. But I need the resources of Canterlot Castle to do it.
Spike: What?!
//Is that really true?!
WVT: ...hit his head pretty bad.
WVO: I'm sure...
C: I see a mountain region where dragons are huddled together, fearing violence at the hands of ponies trying to take the land and resources for themselves. I see a city filled with oppression and hostility, keeping labor and income in the hands of the privileged by the thick of a truncheon. I see an heiress with an ailing father poised to tear Equestria apart through imperceptible monetary schemes. I see a vile creature looking to raise a legendary battalion to walk the world once again under her control. I see a seasoned warrior training a fearsome army to take the throne by force. And I see a false Princess who has allowed these threats to arise, only maintaining tenuous control of Equestria through the assistance of her powerful friends. She has to die for the good of the world. Kill her.
//Regicide, then. Why couldn't she have said that in the first place?
Spike: Is that really the task given to me by the creator of the universe? A deity wants some putz with a crown dead?
C: It is. Awaken.
//I wake up.

//Twilight's tree/house. The telescope angles up and out the window in front of me. Someone has put a blanket around my shoulders.
Rarity: Is there a reason, Twilight, that the library is absolutely buried in the written word? More literally than the usual?
//Books cover the floor of the library about a foot deep, except for little paths that wind through the mess to different shelves. Rarity and Twilight are walking in one of the pathways.
Twilight: I've been trying to find spell research that deals with memory, but magical healing is a tricky subject and information doubly so -- not to mention there are no peer-reviewed publications focused on either topic until the last one point five years.
R: Ah, yes, and who do we have to thank for that, again?
T: How many times do I have to say that it wasn't her fault? There was no 'secret magic blacklist', just an unfortunate configuration of tax codes and grant distributions.
R: Of course; a deity would never impede scientific progress.
//A journey across the land to fight the good fight, and defeat a powerful evil monster at the end (I'm sure hidden away in a terrible underground lair in a bog somewhere where people are tortured daily and the air is acid)... that sounds dangerous...
R: It's not as if the ex-Princess was exactly _straightforward_ in her dealings, dear. I mean, you of all ponies should know that best.
T: And what exactly do you mean by that?
R: Twilight, come on, girl! Are you so infatuated with the old mare that you can't see how many tests she put you through?
T: You mean, _existential threats to Equestria_?
\\And totally like I'm meant to be some sort of... hero, or something. I mean, come on, this is crazy! Heroes are the slay-the-dragon, rescue-the-damsel-in-distress kind of guys, and I just happen to be a dragon!
R: Balderdash. It is dreadfully obvious all true dangers which we have been through were manufactured. Every single one, false as her divinity. You've never wondered why each and every 'threat to Equestria' was unforeseeable in the extreme?
T: And why doesn't it seem that way to me?
R: Rationalization?
//...But I totally want to do it. A little drakeling wandering the land, challenging evil with only his fists and personal charisma? Come on -- _total_ _badass_. Besides, what better way to experience what the world is about than by attacking it head-on, and who better to do it than someone with no attachments? You say I'm meant to be a hero, and I agree! I'll be a Hero in the name of Celestia, bringing justice to the cruel and defending the weak!
T: It's not like that.
R: Then explain to me, Twilight, how none of the threats we seem to have defeated had any retrograde impact on contemporary society, despite seeming so dramatic and intense. You know, beyond the easily planted, odd rumor?
T: You sound like a conspiracy theorist!
\\You just want to do this to get your memories back.
//...
\\Admit it, it's true.
//Celestia told me about the world and what I should look out for, what I should be doing instead of worrying about the past and feeling sorry for me. A pony like that I can certainly get behind.
R: I will agree with you on one thing, dear. 'Celestia did it' _is_ a valid answer for most everything.
//A telescope could be very useful on a journey across the land. If my opponents are going to be as powerful as Celestia warned they would be, maybe it would be best to scout them out before I attack...
T: Now, Rarity, I know this is going to be a huge favor to ask, but--
R: Spike? What _are_ you doing with the telescope?
Spike: Twilight, you said you didn't use the telescope all that often. Would you mind if I had it?
//Twilight looks bewildered.
T: Uh... 'had it'?
Spike: Uh, is personal ownership not a thing in Equestria? Like an if-a-thing-exists-everyone-uses-it deal, or can people possess things?
T: Y-yeah, Spike, you can have it, but I'm more confused about why you want the telescope at all...
R: It allows him to see what is far away before it comes near.
T: Really, because I heard smart ponies would put it a certain place--
//I leap from the stairs with the telescope in my hand, eliciting gasps from both unicorns. The landing is no trouble.
R: Do be careful, dear, you might hurt yourself!
Spike: Girl, you are not nearly old or Southern enough to be calling people 'dear'. It just sounds like you're trying too hard.
T: Spike! This is Rarity, a good friend of yours and mine, and memory loss or not you have no right to be rude to her!
Spike: ...Sorry, Miss Rarity. No offense meant.
R: I accept your apology, Spike.
//I start searching through the stacks of books, looking for anything that might help. Do they have a 'Hero' section?
\\Wait, start looking for information about dragons. It's likely there's someone who knew you.
//Don't Twilight and Fluttershy know who I was?
\\Yeah, but they're ponies. You probably didn't spend much time with them. There has to be a dragon who knew you.
T: ...Spike?
Spike: Do you have a book on non-avian overland migration patterns in here?
R: Why, Spike, would you be looking for something like that?
//To find out where be dragons.
Spike: Hey, I lost my memory, right? Relearning everything has to start somewhere. What about biographies of current political leaders? An autobiography will do.
//I need to know who the false Princess is if I'm going to defeat her.
T: Any particular reason?
Spike: Just curious.
//I try to smile and hope it doesn't look cheesy.
R: While I cannot say I understand what it could possibly be like to lose one's entire memory, you do seem rather... less distraught than I would imagine.
//Oh, hey, this looks interesting.
T: And also gathering very specific things. The Healing Power of Calm Meditation? What's with you, Spike?
//I shrug.
Spike: I dunno, it looked interesting.
R: Spike, as a rule Twilight and I never lie to our friends, and we would appreciate it if you would return the favor.
//...Do all of Twilight's friends have supernatural lie detection?
T: Spike, you're not asking for and picking up books at random, this is a pattern. What's with you?
//Do I tell them? About the vision? I don't know if I can lie well enough to get them to believe something else, and maybe the fact it's the truth will convince them...
Spike: A vision. Right before I woke up, I saw a vision.
T: Uh oh.
R: A vision of what, dear?
Spike: The creator of the universe herself appeared to me. She said the oppressed were her kind, and I am to be her champion.
T: 'Creator of the universe'? You can't mean--
Spike: Celestia told me to lead Equestria to glory, and that's what I'm going to do. I will learn what it means to be a true Hero!
T: ...the hell?
R: Dear, when a deity is talking to you, you don't _listen_. It's bad form.
Spike: I want to be a beacon of justice and light for those who go without at the hooves of others, and for Celestia.
T: Spike, Princess Celestia disappeared a year and a half ago! No one has seen her since!
R: And there's doubt the Princess was even Celestia herself, instead of a con mare taking advantage of the gullible. I mean, she was defeated several times, you do know?
Spike: My mission was revealed to me in my dream: I cannot stop until I am powerful enough to defeat the current, false Princess, and bring harmony back to Equestria!
R: ...Best of luck with this one, dear.
T: Spike, is this really what you want to do? There's nothing else that will satisfy you?
Spike: I don't know who I was or who I am, and even going on this journey to find out I may never succeed. But I know who I must be, and this is it.
R: You're certain? This wasn't, say, one of those _other_ occurrences that happen while a person is sleeping? _Dreams_?
Spike: I want to see the world. I want to do my part. What else is there for me to do? Watch the sadness of distant friends who once barely knew me, as I struggle to rebuild someone else's version of my life?
//Rarity bites her lip. After a moment, Twilight bows her head and sighs.
T: ...Okay. I'll help you pack.
R: Twilight! Are you sure?
T: If this is what he wants, yes, I'm sure.
//Rarity, in a disagreeing mood, shakes her head. Her mane falls in front of one eye.
R: This must be simply a drakeling fantasy, gone to his young head. The poor boy has too many chemicals in his system. I'm sure we could find a way to help with that.
//I keep looking for books.
Spike: I don't need any help of that kind, thanks.
R: Really? Come here; I'm sure I can make you feel differently...
T: In the library, Rarity. Really.
Spike: Hey, what are -- get away from me!

The Drakeling breathes fire!

R: Aaaughhaa!!
T: Watch the flames!
R: My emerald! He scorched my emerald!
Spike: Huh, I was expecting that to do more damage.
R: Damage? I'll show you some damage, you ungrateful little--
T: Rarity, I think it's time for you to leave.
R: ...Ungrateful little...
T: Do I have to say it again?
R: ...Fine. Tell the whelp next time he touches _me_ I intend to spread his bodily fluids all over the next continent! Good day!
//Rarity slams the door on her way out.
Spike: Celestia's wings, what was her problem?
T: ...Just keep packing.
//Crazy pale bint.

//Finally, I'm on the road. Dragons are predators by nature, so I didn't take any food since I could find it as I go. Not sure how I know dragons are predators; probably an innate feeling.
//...If dragons are predators by nature, does that make ponies prey?
Spike: You know, when I said I was going on a journey to find myself, I thought the phrase implied 'alone'.
T: You know what implying does, Spike. It makes an imp out of ly and... I think I messed that up.
Spike: How am I supposed to be a champion of my people with a possessive purple pony over my shoulder like my mother the entire time?
T: I'll be far, far away before you start to fight, so don't worry about that. Do you like the cloak, though?
Spike: Silver, purple, and red. You must be the world's most studious clown.
T: It's a special cloak; no one can recognize me wearing the hood up.
Spike: Right. It's good to know you're so prepared to follow me against my will.
T: I'll be frank with you: you won't be strong enough to beat me off for a long time.
Spike: ...Twilight?
T: What? Do I have something in my teeth?
Spike: ...Nevermind.
T: Besides, I need a break. It'll help me catch up on my reading, and I've always wanted to travel more.
Spike: As long as you leave the Hero stuff to me. After all, what kind of champion would I be if someone helped me every step of the way?
T: While I would never want to get in the way of your stark lack of knowledge about sidekick appropriativity, do you know where the current Princess lives? Or who she is? What bodyguards, if any, she has? Where any of your dragon brethren live?
Spike: ...It's in these books somewhere, I know it.
T: On that note, I don't know why I'm carrying these. Here you go.
Spike: Oof!
T: The current Princess, false or not, is called Princess Hazel. She is a master of magic, and possibly the most intelligent pony in the land. From the havoc of the absence of Princess Celestia she calmed Equestria and restored order. Legends of her prowess tell that no trick will work more than once against her because of her studious nature, and her vast array of knowledge means no defense can be mounted against her.
Spike: ...I have a lot training to do.
T: Yes, you do. Oh! Do you smell that?
Spike: Uh, no?
T: It looks like you'll have an opportunity to get on that training right away. Later!
Spike: Wait!
//How does she just disappear like that?
//A small green pegasus swoops down from the sky, and lands in front of me!
Pegasus: Oh, hey there. What's a dragon doing in these parts?
Spike: Uh, hi. I'm going to Forlegsandria. This is the Clove road, right?
//There's a large dragon population in Forlegsandria, so I want to go there. Maybe there will be someone who recognizes me.
Pegasus: Aw, what a shame! I'm coming from there, going to Ponyville. Wouldn't it have been cool if we could be travel buddies?
Spike: I... guess?
//She seems... nice? A bit more odd than nice.
Pegasus: I really think you should come with me to Ponyville.
T: (Celestia, pushy much?)
Spike: (I thought you said you were going to stay hidden!)
T: (She can't hear me; peanut gallery comments are fair game.)
Pegasus: Well?
Spike: Sorry, Forlegsandria is a big city so I'm hoping to find some other dragons there.
Pegasus: Hmm...
Spike: (What's with the sniffing; why do ponies do that?)
T: (Shrug.)
Pegasus: Oh, I know why you're going to Forlegsandria...
//That smile is not less weird than the sniffing.
Pegasus: Yeah... you look like you're at that age for a dragon, too... I understand. I was at that age not too long ago, too, and I know how it is.
Spike: Excepting the, you know, pony/dragon thing...
Pegasus: It's hard to get someone to sympathize at that age... but if you want to know the truth, I've been having a bit of the same exact troubles myself recently.
Spike: That's great. What's with the wings?
Pegasus: I know I'm not a dragon, but I'm feeling generous if you are, so let's call it a thing, eh?
Spike: A thing? What do you -- aaaughh!!
//The Pegasus attacks!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

The Pegasus nuzzles The Drakeling in the lower body with her fuzzy snout!

Pegasus: Just lie on your back; it'll be easier this way.
Spike: No, get away from me!

The Drakeling punches The Pegasus in the right front leg with his left hand, bruising the skin!

Pegasus: What are you, crazy?!
Spike: I was about to ask the same thing!
Pegasus: I'm trying to help you!
Spike: This is no kind of help!

The Pegasus charges at the Drakeling! The Pegasus attacks The Drakeling but he jumps away! The Pegasus rushes by The Drakeling!
The Drakeling counterattacks! The Drakeling kicks The Pegasus in the left back hoof with his left foot, bruising the bone!

Pegasus: Ow! Hey, you can't hurt me! Not unless I tell you to hurt me!

The Pegasus buffets The Drakeling in the face with her wings but The Drakeling covers his eyes!
The Pegasus charges at The Drakeling! The Pegasus collides with The Drakeling! The Drakeling is knocked over and tumbles backward!
The Pegasus grabs The Drakeling by the left upper arm with her left front hoof! The Pegasus grabs The Drakeling by the right upper arm with her right front hoof! The Drakeling is pinned!

Pegasus: Calm down! I don't want to hurt you! I want to make you feel good. Just let me do that, okay?
Spike: Get off!
Pegasus: I will, at the end!

The Drakeling breathes fire! The Pegasus is caught in the dragonfire! Her mane has been singed and an eyelid has been burnt!

Pegasus: To hell with this! I'm out of here! You're crazy, kid, with a capital K!

The Pegasus was chased away!
Spike earned 10 experience points!
Spike is now level 2!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

Spike: Wha... hoo... what the hell was that?!
//What a crazy green bint!
T: You mean, besides pathetic? That was barely adequate for even a schoolyard fight. Claw out her eyes next time; little tip from the playground.
//'Defeating evildoers' somehow doesn't carry with it 'being attacked by absolute strangers with no provocation", maybe the wording should be changed...
T: That fight took too long, it's getting dark out. We should probably set up camp for the night.

//The middle of nowhere on the side of the road. Well, the middle of nowhere on the side of the road with a fire and two bedrolls and a large chunk of meat in my claws. My companion, Twilight Sparkle (?) is nibbling at the grass, reading a book.
Spike: Sorry I couldn't find anything for you to eat.
T: Don't worry about me; I'm not part of your journey.
Spike: Do ponies eat chicken? We might be able to find some chicken along the way.
T: Ponies are vegetarian, Spike.
Spike: Ah, okay, got it. As soon as we pass by a river I'll scoop you out some fish, then.
//Twilight sighs and flips the page. After a while I finish eating, and lie down to sleep for the night.
T: Going to sleep already?
Spike: A strong body's maintenance is rest.
T: The first part you need to work on is a strong body. Here, maybe with my help we can find a way for you not to look so pathetic in a fight.
Spike: Wha?
T: Put up your hands; we're training.

T: I'm not your ally, but it would be pretty boring if you get beaten too quickly.

//For a few hours after dark, I spend some time training with Twilight.

T: Right there, you need to use your feet and lean. That's how you got pushed over today.
Spike: Like this?
T: Almost. If you learn how to use your legs and arms independent of each other, you can bounce around the battlefield easier. It's probably useful at your size.
[Dashing Rogue Punch] was mastered!
Spike: Dashing Rogue Punch, eh? Sounds just right for me!
T: It's said that the werewolf fighter Tyler was able to snap any pony's spine in an instant with this technique. Use it well.
Spike: ...Slightly less enthused...

//In my sleep I see again a vision.
C: Spike... Oh, Spike...
Spike: Yes, Celestia! I hear you!
C: Spike, you must be careful on your journey into the vast unknown. There are many who would corrupt and waylay you, some not as obvious as others.
Spike: I understand, Celestia! I will be true!
C: A young boy meant to be a hero, with a powerful purple sorceress as his companion... I have seen something like this before, and you must be wary of both those who call themselves your allies, and your enemies.
//Before? What happened then?
Spike: I will keep my eyes open for all dangers!
C: Before you leave, Hero Spike, I have a few words of wisdom to impart to you.
//Then what were the words beforehand?
Spike: I'm all ears. Well, not literally, because that would likely not be a competitive organism with a niche to fill and--
C: When I created the world, young drakeling, I tried to make a people of grace and power, magnificent in their way to match the world I created for them, a people great enough to call my own. But I am not perfect, and it took many attempts.
Spike: But your power shone through in the end! It must have!
C: Hah... yes, my Spike, it did. It was only when I hewed the first dragon, the first of your people, from the metaphorical stone did I see a creature worthy of my glory, and I placed it in the world without hesitation. In my haste I neglected the residents already placed there.
Spike: What happened next?
C: As you said, competition. It turns out the niche of fire-breathing flying death lizards is a particularly small one, and a population bottleneck coupled with increasing aggression from the more organized species led to ruination. But all was not lost, for in my wisdom I prepared dragonkind with a tool set to overcome any challenge.
//I think fire-breathing flying death lizard is enough of a tool set, myself.
C: Dragons have, or as you will soon learn, had, the ability to create descendants in more diversity than other creatures; in fact, dragons could mate with any sort of creature at all. Through circumstance and coincidence, after many great and terrible conflicts across the world, the only blood of the dragon left in the world today is inseparable from the blood of a phoenix, and different from dragons as they once were.
Spike: Phoenix? Does that mean, I can burst others into flame with my breath, and they're reborn?
//Celestia smiles, amused.
C: No. It is more in line with what mortals know as Gregor Ponydel's Three-Stage Theory, discussing the contemporary phoenician drake: 'in the beginning, "dragons" are hatchlings, who will one day grow to be full dragons, but between them is the time of the drakeling'.
Spike: And I'm a drakeling.
C: Yes. Due to various intermingling of dragon and phoenix traits, drakelinghood is a special time for two reasons. Firstly, like a phoenix, you may only successfully mate at this stage in your life, and like a phoenix only with members of your species.
Spike: Uh, okay, not sure how that's going to affect my journey, but go on.
//Wait, did I have a girlfriend? Uh oh, that could be bad...
C: Secondly, on the condition of either fruitful or fruitless mating, dragonblood magic tries to express the biology of the alternate partner, but the first non-dragon blood it encounters--
Spike: --is the phoenix's.
C: Yes. Carried by a dragon's design, phoenix-like qualities are delivered to both the alternate partner and the host, the most important of which is a phoenix's immortality.
//Holy crap!
Spike: Really?
C: I would not lie to you. This is a warning of danger.
Spike: Danger? That sounds useful!
C: Exceedingly so, but not for you. Think about this: immortality is almost nonexistent; it cannot be bought or crafted or designed or machined or pleaded or begged or stolen or made with magic, or anything else a pony could do...
//Oh. Shit.
Spike: Except me.
C: For immortality, some would find the freedom of a drakeling a meaningless cost.
Spike: I've finally become a sex god and I can't even enjoy it.
//I don't really mean it, but I just don't know how to respond to all this.
C: Humor might be the correct response. There may be no other way to respond to the patently absurd. Absurd, after all, does mean what should not be.
//The vision fades away, and I continue sleeping.
C: Defeat the false Princess, Spike... See through her lies...

//In the morning, we pack up camp without a worry, and make our way towards Forlegsandria. Two ponies circle overhead for a while and then fly off, though I am surprised to see a gargantuan dragon fly overhead towards Ponyville.
T: I can't wait to get to Forlegsandria, I've heard their library is one of the most extensive in the world, even rivaling Canterlot! Could you imagine, a library that matches that of the City on the Hill, and it's open to the public? I can't wait to be inside!
Spike: Cool.
T: And the scrolls, they have a series of scrolls written long before 1000 years ago, sent between nobles of rivaling tribes! I already know what they say, of course, but to see them in person? How could I not be excited!?
Spike: Awesome.
T: Not to mention the Rosesetta Stone itself, carved into marble in the earliest days of pony history that lets us uncover the meaning of artifacts written in long forgotten and dead languages. Can you imagine carving into something ten feet high and eight feet wide and knowing it'll be a part of history some day? Can you?
Spike: Wow.
T: I know! And...
//Twilight's nose twists in an odd way. She spends a second to think, then pulls the hood up around her head.
T: Were you planning on visiting the dragon district in Forlegsandria, Spike?
//Quickly taken out of autopilot mode, I shake my head and regain awareness of my surroundings. We're only a few feet from the gates.
Spike: I was planning on it, yeah.
T: ...I have to go. I'll catch up with you at some point. Be careful.
Spike: Wait, what's--
//Without a flash or a hustle, Twilight Sparkle simply disappears.
Spike: --happening?... I should get to the dragon district.

//The dragon district is lifeless for the first few blocks. Deeper in, bruised bodies start to pile up. Young full dragons and even a few elders are piled on the sides of the streets, trying to breathe past broken ribs and nursing small but not threatening wounds. In the center square, an immense silver dragon lies curled around a broken fountain pouring water over his head, unconscious. Above in the sky, a speedy blue pegasus circles around.
Rainbow Dash: Well? Anyone else want to take on the great Rainbow Dash? Or are you all just weaklings?
//I very much want this to be just a misunderstanding.
RBD: You dragons are criminals. Every single one of you are disgusting. I don't know why Princess Hazel keeps you alive!
//...Crap. I very, very much want nothing other than to go away and come back tomorrow. But what kind of Hero would I be if I ran away at the first sign of trouble?
\\I don't know, an intelligent one?
//You would be surprised at how often intelligence and heroism are at odds with one another. But I must be a champion of my people, no matter the cost.
Spike: *Gulp* Hey, you!
RBD: Who said that?
//She whips around, tossing a rainbow mane through the sky as I hide behind a pillar. I eventually step out and speak again, fists raised.
Spike: Do you... have a problem with dragons?
RBD: Depends on who's askin'! You some kind of tough... heh, nevermind.
//She plummets to the ground a few feet in front of me, smashing into the cobblestone and sending debris flying all about. I cover my head as a stone strikes my leg, and the dust cloud blocks out the sun for a moment.
Spike: I'm a Hero, and that's all you need to know!
RBD: Heh-heh, listen, kid. You should probably know, your friends are jerks.
Spike: ...?
RBD: Sent you out here, probably said something like, 'Only you can defeat the Avatar of Speed, 'cause you're the Hero we're looking for' or whatever, right? Eeeeeehhh, wrong. Turns out you're the sacrifice they sent out to appease me.
Spike: Sacrifice?
RBD: I'm not going to spell it two ways to you, kid; you're a drakeling, I'm a mare, put it together. But today's your lucky day, maybe Pinkie's smiling on you or something, 'cause I'm not really in the mood right now. So do yourself a favor on your lucky day and get the hell out of here.
//I desperately want nothing other than to turn around and leave. But I can't leave. Hero, not Hero, champion or no champion, the first sight I see is a bunch of people broken at the hooves of an arrogant pony, and for that I will not stand!
Spike: You... did you do this? Answer me!
RBD: What, these losers? They did this to themselves, mostly. I just helped them along a little.
Spike: Why?
RBD: Eh... seemed like fun. Nothing better to do. Dragons are criminals. Are you gonna scram, or what?
Spike: I won't accept any gift from such a monster, not even mercy! Fight me!
//Rainbow Dash stretches her wings and clears her throat.
RBD: I don't like playing rough with my new toys, but kid, you brought it on yourself...

//This was a terrible idea.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

RBD: See, kid, there's a difference between being brave and being stupid.

Rainbow Dash throws the -cobblestone stone- at The Drakeling! The spinning -cobblestone stone- strikes The Drakeling in the left elbow, but the attack glances away!

Spike: Is that all you--

Rainbow Dash charges at The Drakeling!
Rainbow Dash strikes The Drakeling in the upper body with her left wing, bruising the muscle, bruising the right false rib and bruising the right lung!
Rainbow Dash collides with The Drakeling! Rainbow Dash bounces backwards!

Spike: --ooof...
RBD: The difference is power. I have it. And you don't. Rather sturdy, though, you been working on that?
Spike: Hooo...
RBD: Tell you what, if you stand up again, I'll let you try to hit me. Not that it'll work, but that way you can tell all your dragon friends it was actually a fight, when you go back. If.
//Stand up, stand up, are you going to collapse off of one hit? What kind of dragon are you?
RBD: Means you'll get hit again, though, so I won't blame you for staying down.
Spike: Ahhh...
RBD: Heh-heh, we've got ourselves a trooper! Good on you, kid, don't let your vast inferiority get you down. Here, hit me.

//Use your legs and arms independent of each other... bounce around the battlefield... just one good strike at the spine... STRIKE!

The Drakeling strikes at Rainbow Dash in the upper body with his Dashing Rogue Punch, but the attack is batted away by Rainbow Dash's right wing!

RBD: Okay, stop.

Rainbow Dash nuzzles The Drakeling in the nose with her fuzzy snout!

RBD: That punch. Who taught you that punch?
Spike: Aaaahh!

Spike scrambles away!

RBD: Oh, it's okay. It can only be one of two people, but I'm sure I can get you to scream her name before I'm done...

Rainbow Dash kicks The Drakeling in the lower body with her left front leg, bruising the scale and bruising the guts! The Drakeling gives into pain! The Drakeling collapses!

RBD: I'll tell you what. If you give me her name, I'm not saying it won't happen, but I might consider you at some point in it.
//Oh, well isn't that nice.
RBD: To the victor go the spoils...
//Rainbow Dash steps over me and grins like a hyena.
//A loud cough comes from down the street, beyond my head. Rainbow Dash looks up, and then leaps into the air.
RBD: Twilight Sparkle! What are you doing here, heh-heh...
T: To tell the truth, Dash, I was planning on visiting the Forlegsandria library, but imagine my surprise when my path is blocked by _several thousand pounds of bruised dragon_.
RBD: Oh, heh-heh, was that me? That was me, sorry. Let me get right on that for you...
T: Are you sure you haven't done enough for the day?
RBD: It's no problem, Twi. You don't come by that often anyway. Sorry for the mess, I am working on cleaning it up--
T: Don't. And while you're at it, say hi to Spike.
//After a moment, Rainbow Dash's head appears upside down above me, curiously looking.
RBD: Spike! Hey, man, didn't even recognize you there! Wow, that could have been awkward. What are you up to these days? Sorry about all this, then. Just a crazy misunderstanding, eh? Heh-heh...

Rainbow Dash was defeated! (?)
Spike earned 25 experience points!
Spike is now level 3!
//Crazy rainbow bint!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//The tour of the Forlegsandria library is as dry as the scrolls and books themselves. Twilight Sparkle follows along eagerly, taking in every word. I have no idea what I'm looking at with most of the exhibits, but my mind is on other things.
Spike: (No, I think 'what the hell was that' is a perfectly good question to sum up what I want to know right now.)
T: (Well _that_ was the Rosesetta stone, but I couldn't hear what they were saying because a certain dragon kept on talking about unimportant stuff while I was trying to listen.)
Spike: (Not that, I mean what happened in the dragon district today.)
T: (Are you still going on about that? Let the past be the past, Spike; let it go.)
Spike: (It was twenty minutes ago.)
T: (Ancient history!)
Tour Guide: Here we see the Qyorum Scrolls, written long before 1000 years ago, sent between nobles of the rivaling Yorum tribes as belligerent positioning before the outbreak of inter-tribe warfare. The first scroll reads: 'Though you may have defeated...
T: ('...my tribe savior through your cunning and guile and speed of hand, I challenge you again for the title of...')
Tour Guide: '...my tribe savior through your cunning and guile and speed of hand, I challenge you again for the title of...'
Spike: (Cool, really. How did you know something was going on in the dragon district?)
T: (Magic.)
Spike: (You were sniffing about before you said something.)
T: (Magic nose.)
Spike: (...)
T: (People who have to deal with Rainbow Dash make a habit of knowing where she is at all times, and a magic nose is one of the ways I do it.)
Tour Guide: And to your left, you'll see the famous picture 'Equestrian Progress', showing the establishment of the City on the Hill Canterlot by the ex-Princess Celestia slightly over a thousand years ago.
T: (Uh, seven hundred years ago. Kind of disappointing a tour guide of all people would get that wrong.)
Tour Guide: The inscription reads: 'On the world is cast a shadow by the mare in front of the sun'.
//FEAR NOT WHAT HIDES IN THE DARKNESS. FEAR THAT WHICH HIDES IN THE LIGHT.
//What? Who said that? What is that in my head?
//...
Spike: (Another question: she called herself 'the Avatar of Speed', but her name is Rainbow Dash. What's with that?)
T: (Hmm... which part first?)
Spike: (Avatar of Speed, I guess.)
T: (There are five Avatars under the employ of Princess Hazel that serve as both bodyguards and field knights. They are the Avatar of Speed, the Avatar of Strength, the Avatar of Luck, the Avatar of Temptation, and the Avatar of Avarice.)
Spike: (Are they all like Rainbow Dash? I don't think I could handle that.)
T: (You've met the Avatar of Avarice already, Spike, she's your old friend Rarity.)
Spike: (Oh. Great.)
Tour Guide: Here we see a treasure map from sixth era Trottingham, detailing the last known location of the greatsword wielded by Bucket James. The greatsword, which Bucket James named 'Reality', was said to be impervious to any magical effect cast at it, no matter how strong.
T: (That leaves the Avatar of Strength, Applejack, the Avatar of Luck, Pinkie Pie, and the Avatar of Temptation, Fluttershy. Who you've also met.)
Spike: (Rainbow Dash said something about Pinkie and luck, so that makes sense.)
T: (Really? I'm surprised Dash still knows who Pinkie Pie is with how long she's been away. She didn't even recognize you.)
Spike: (On to the second question: how do you know all these people by name?)
T: (...I was friends with all of them before they got their power.)
Spike: (Rainbow Dash didn't react like she was seeing an old friend.)
T: (...And I'm fairly powerful myself?)
Spike: ('Threaten the Princess's bodyguards' powerful?)
T: (Well... Oh, it's the end of the tour, want a gift bag?)
Tour Guide: Thank you for accompanying me on the tour of the Forlegsandria library, I hope you had a nice time. Please exit through the gift shop to the left, and we hope to see you again soon.
Spike: What I want to understand is why Dash said all dragons are criminals.
T: She said that? Blind prejudice isn't like... well... ah, blind prejudice is completely like her. But it still seems odd.
Vendor: It's more than odd, my mare, it's a travesty! An evil, hateful system designed to keep the scaled man down and subservient!
Spike: What? Who are you?
Vendor: A friend to all scalekind, my brother. I stand here today in protest of the backwards, racist system of city government that requires all its citizens to pay taxes and makes illegal the possibility of the dragon working man!
//It's illegal for dragons to work? How dumb is that!
Spike: But you're not a dragon; you're a pony.
Vendor: My brother, I am offended! Deep down inside in our hearts we are all people of the same type. Get an 'I support Dragon/Pony equality' carriage bumper sticker, only one bit, and support the cause! Dragon plushies five bits, fridge magnets and pins ten to the bit.
Spike: Wow. I never knew a noble cause could be so cheaply commercialized like that.
T: That'll teach you. Come on!
Vendor: Tenth anniversary edition, 'How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Scale', autobiography of a lonely mare who found love, only three bits today! Get yours!

//Back in the dragon district, the immense silver dragon once wrapped around the fountain is sitting on his haunches next to it, speaking with a younger full dragon with a jade bracelet around her wrist.
Immense Silver Dragon: I truly am sorry about this. I'm sure I could have fell a different way and missed the fountain.
Jade Bracelet Dragon: No, no, that's... it's okay, really.
//I can't find anyone else walking around, and I don't want to go knocking door to door, but those are some big freaking dragons...
ISD: It's not. I take full responsibility for its destruction. Have you figured out the extent of the damage yet?
JBD: It's cracked three different ways, all the way to the base. We'll also need to replace the statue, reconstruct almost the whole plaza, redo at least sixty feet of burst piping if we're lucky... it might be easier to take it all out and not have a fountain.
ISD: Because I couldn't take a blow to the head? Nonsense, Jebed. Take the damages and whatever other costs you need from my hoard, I insist. I can have the greater half of it down within the week.
JBD: That's quite alright, Quine, I'm sure there's a place in the city budget for maintenance and repairs.
QN: How much of that maintenance and repair budget do you think is allocated to the dragon district?
//Jebed hangs her head and sighs.
Spike: Uh, excuse me?
//The silver dragon, Quine, turns his great head to me and raises an eyebrow the size of my arm.
QN: Hello, drakeling. I apologize about your fountain and all the disturbance. Are you hurt?
Spike: No, I'm fine. I couldn't help but overhearing, but if you're not from here, where are you from?
QN: I, my child, am from the Aquinatic Mountain Range twenty days' flight to the northwest. My name is Quine.
JBD: I don't believe I've seen you around the district, young one, so maybe you could answer us the same question.
Spike: I'm Spike, from Ponyville. Nice to meet you!
//They're big, but they seem friendly. I wonder when I'll be as large and strong as them? What kind of Hero will I be then?
//Jebed turns her back, inspecting the fountain.
JBD: I am Jebed, unofficial matron of this dragon district. Welcome, Spike, to the dragon's place in Forlegsandria.
QN: Ponyville... that is not a name I have heard in quite a while.
JBD: Maybe you hit your head too hard, Quine, because we were discussing it just before you left.
QN: Possibly, possibly. Please let me apologize for all the trouble, Jebed. I've grown used to combating the Avatar of Strength, not Speed.
JBD: Quine, don't apologize. None of this was your fault, you weren't the one who decided to start a midair fight over a crowded city.
QN: Nevertheless, I feel my approach pattern was too aggressive. It could have looked like an attack. Force of habit, I'm afraid.
JBD: Quine, I refuse to allow you to apologize for being assaulted.
Spike: Wait, Rain-- the Avatar of Speed started all this? For what?
JBD: Nothing, as far as we know. And excuse me for asking, but was yours the voice yelling at her just a minute before she flew away?
//Does she mean the pony voice or the dragon voice? Wait, do I sound like Twilight?
Spike: Yeah, that was me. Poor decision on my part.
QN: Bravery is never a poor decision as long as you see it not fruitless.
//Instantly, my heart swells.
T: (No, you're still stupid.)
//So Twilight pokes the balloon with a pin. Of course.
//A skinny hatchling dashes through the empty streets with an arm raised, running towards the broken fountain. (S)he (?) is yelling:
Skinny Hatchling: Missus Jebed! Missus Jebed!
Jebed: Yes, hatchling, what is it?
SH: In the, in the, *hoo*, commo... commotinin, in the co--
Jebed: Commotion.
SH: In the commotion, one of Yiha's eggs is missing!
//Jebed recoils as if physically struck.
JBD: What! Oh, my poor daughter!
//Jebed runs and launches into the air immediately, as a flying pegasus in a blue uniform gets Quine's attention.
FP: Sir, we're going to have to ask you a few questions.
Quine: Of course.
FP: Have you, at any time before or after this incident, seen a bright orange filly around the dragon district?
Quine: Could you give me a few more details?
FP: She should look familiar, sir, she's the mayor's daughter.
Quine: The only orange pony I would recognize is one I would turn into an ashen stain on the cobblestone, if I could. Sorry.
FP: Right... sir, we're going to have to ask you to leave the city.
Quine: Certainly, I was planning on going home anyhow.
//Quine bends his long neck, starting to take flight, and speaks to me.
Quine: If you ever get the chance to go to the Aquinatic Mountains, drakeling, I suggest you avoid it. Dragons are not safe there.
//I shout at him as he's rising:
Spike: Wait! There are dragons there?! Why's it so dangerous?! What could threaten us?!
//I want to know more!
//There's no response. The immense silver dragon extends his wings, and flies out of the city.
Spike: Looks like things are bad all over.
T: The world is a harsh place, and it has to get worse before it gets better.
Spike: But the disappearances don't seem normal, happening to the leaders of ponies and dragons separately in the same day. I think someone used the brawl started by Rainbow Dash to abduct both the mayor's daughter and Jebed's grandegg.
T: We don't know they were abducted, Spike, someone could just be lost. Besides, grandegg isn't a word.
Spike: Yeah, but if it's true, I'll be rescuing someone important to both ponies and dragons in this region. I want to get better acquainted with dragons here, because I'm one of them. Then maybe I'll find someone who knows who I am.
T: Uh, Spike? Why don't you just _ask_--
//Not caring what Twilight has to say, I yell to the hatchling:
Spike: Hey, you!
SH: I have a name, y'know!
Spike: What is it?
SH: Shumbert Humbert.
T: ...You poor, poor thing.
Spike: Have there been any strange happenings around here, besides this? Spooky noises at night telling you to stay away from a place, people or ponies disappearing, anything like that?
T: ('People or ponies'?)
Spike: (Whoops.)
SH: Everybody just stays inside these days, a-less they got wings -- hey, you don't got wings. What are you doin'?
Spike: Any attacks on dragons recently? Uh, besides this one?
SH: I'm... I'm-a thinkin'...
//A scoundrel willing to resort to these tactics to get her way likely isn't powerful enough to deal with a full dragon, someone like Quine...
Spike: What about a place a full dragon couldn't fit in?
SH: Oh! Oh oh oh oh, like the caves! The caves off the west side of town!
T: This is not working.
SH: We heard a bunch of odd noises coming from the Westside Caves we used to play in, 'cause the tunnels are cramped and all and the adults couldn't find us there, but when we went to go check it out there was a ghost there and it said it'd eat us nasty dragons if we came back!
Spike: Good enough for me.
SH: Are you gonna defeat the ghost? Yay!
T: No. I refuse to believe this is possible.
Spike: Come on, Twilight! It's the first quest, no Hero takes it too seriously unless it's part of their backstory. Besides, no one's going to hand me a quest if I haven't already done some Hero-ing.
T: There is no 'quest'; you're not a Hero; and you're going to get yourself killed running about like one on a child's rumors.
Spike: I thought sidekicks were supposed to be comic relief.
Twilight Sparkle kicks The Drakeling in the side with her right rear hoof!

//Westside Caves. The tunnel entrance is barely tall enough for a pony to fit through, and it leads down into the earth, growing dark and muggy.
Spike: What's the atlas say about the water table in this region?
T: Forlegsandria is known for its granite, which can't hold an aquifer. It should be dry.
Spike: And if it's not?
T: You'll drown in a dark, deep hole where nobody will find your body.
Spike: Thanks for the vote of confidence, Twilight.
T: There's always, oh, not going into the cave?
//I step into the dark and wait for my eyes to adjust. Before I can see my claws in front of my face, I hear sniffing to my left.
Spike: Magic nose.
T: Not this time, but do you smell that?
//I breathe in, deeply. The tunnel is empty but for me, the voice to my left, echoes of nothingness fading into noise, and the smell of wet earth.
T: When you do, remember: it's the smell of falsehood.
Spike: Hoped it wouldn't turn out like this. I was afraid you were my mentor, and the ominous riddle just seals it.
T: ...An illusion spell, burning rubber is the scent of an illusion spell.
Spike: I'll be sure to remember that.

//I climb through the twisting maze of passages, moving deeper into the earth. As I keep going, the air becomes more and more stale, and the dirt starts to come off in large wet chunks as I try to grasp it. Eventually, I start to hear voices ahead, in a higher pitch than I was expecting.
Voice One: Ey Vit.
Voice Two: Ye, Vo?
VO: Whatchya think she's 'onna do wit' the egg?
//They must know what happened to Jebed's grandegg!
VT: I-'unno, scramble it or somethin'? What'm I, a chef?
//Of all the horrible things!
//The two fall silent. I climb closer to the source of the voices, steeling myself for combat.
VO: Ya think it'd be good, scrambled? A big ol' egg like that?
VT: 'Ow'm I supposed to know?
VO: I-'unno, mebbe ya et a dragon egg sometime.
VT: I never et no dragon egg, ya bilgelicker! Shut ep!
//Oh, pirates, that's what that accent is.
//The two fall silent again, voices replaced by the sound of shovels digging into earth.
//Suddenly, the dirt crumbles beneath my feet, and I fall into the chamber!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

The Drakeling slams into the ground!
The Drakeling's left leg takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle and tearing the scale!
The Drakeling bounces off the empty chest!

VO: Oh, wossis?
VT: Wosswot? Oh, that?
VO: Wot are ya doin' here?
//Vo and Vit pose menacingly with their shovels. The mares are dirty and their clothes torn, but they were digging greedily a moment ago.
Spike: I should ask you the same thing, but I know! You two took Yiha's egg!
VT: Ya know? Vo, he knows, tha's bad.
VO: Ya're here to... get it back, mebbe?
Spike: Yes! Where is it?!
VO: And ya, wha', the brovva of the egg or somethin'?
Spike: No, I'm a Hero!
VO: I figgad out wotwos he's doin' here, Vit, he's a Hero an'--
VT: Shut ep, Vo.
Spike: Tell me where the egg is!
VT: We don' got it no more.
VO: She gave us--oof!--
VT: Quit wit' it, foo!
Spike: She? Who is 'she'?
VT: N'one ya need to know. Tell ya wot. Ya get lost and we won' have t' bury ya as well as diggin' up this treasure.
//I can't just let egg stealers go!
Spike: Never! Prepare to...
//...die? That seems a little harsh, even for egg stealers. I don't know if I can do that.
Spike: ...be defeated!
VT: Ey, Vo.
VO: Ye, Vit?
VT: Don' he look like one-a them, wossit called, drakescales? The ones wit' the immortailtity if ya ride 'em?
VO: Issat wot them books're about then, Vit?
VT: Sh-- Shut ep, Vo! Ya don't know nothin' abouts them!
VO: Okay, Vit.
VT: They gots plenty of litserary qualitities!
//Qualitities aside, it's time to start this battle.

The Drakeling throws the muddy stone at The Mare (Vo)! The spinning muddy stone strikes The Mare (Vo) in the lower body, bruising the skin!

VO: Ey! Watch it!

The Mare throws the iron shovel at The Drakeling! The spinning iron shovel strikes The Drakeling in the left foot, but the attack glances away!

VT: Vo, why'd ya throw the shovel at 'im.
VO: Sorry, Vit.
VT: We talked abou' this, Vo! Throwin' a weapon's not a viable means of comba'!

The Drakeling charges at The Mare (Vit)! The Drakeling punches The Mare (Vit) in the upper body with his right hand, bruising the muscle and bruising the left lung!
The Mare (Vit) is having trouble breathing!

The Mare (Vit) bites at The Drakeling! The Mare (Vit) misses!
The Mare (Vo) charges at The Drakeling! The Mare (Vo) kicks The Drakeling in the right lower arm with her left front hoof, bruising the fat!
The Mare (Vo) collides with The Drakeling!
The Drakeling is knocked over and tumbles backwards!

The Drakeling kicks The Mare (Vo) in the lower body with his right leg, bruising the muscle and bruising the guts!
The Mare (Vo) looks sick!

The Mare (Vo) attacks The Drakeling but The Drakeling rolls away!
The Drakeling stands up!

T: (Hey, what did you mean by, 'hoped it wouldn't turn out like this' when you said I was your mentor?)
Spike: (Not the time, Twilight!)

The Mare (Vit) bashes The Drakeling in the right hand with her iron shovel, bruising the muscle and bruising the bone!
The Mare (Vo) bites The Drakeling in the left upper arm, tearing the scale! The Mare (Vo) latches on firmly!

The Drakeling punches The Mare (Vit) in the upper front teeth with his left hand and the severed parts fly off in an arc!

VT: Vho! Geth 'im!

The Mare (Vo) grabs The Drakeling by the lower body with her right front leg!
The Mare (Vit) charges at The Drakeling! The Mare (Vit) attacks The Drakeling but The Drakeling dodges backwards!
The Drakeling slams into The Mare (Vo) and is rebuffed! The Mare (Vit) grabs The Drakeling by the upper body with her upper body!
The Drakeling is pinned!

//They're pinning me between them! I can't move my arms, or get any leverage with my legs! I have to get away! If only I could open my mouth...
VT: Ya're no' escaping from us, ya jerk!
VO: Now tha' he's in our capture, Vit... wha' do we do wit' him?
VT: Ya do wot ya do wit' any captured drakescale!
VO: Like wot?
VT: Ya know... viola' him! Use 'im as we wants to use 'im! Make 'im do stuffs to us, ya know!
VO: Like wot, braidin' our hair?
//Vit groans.
VT: Vo, no, I'll show ya. Hold 'im tigh'.

The Mare (Vit) releases the grip of The Mare (Vit)'s upper body on The Drakeling!

//An opening!

VT: 'Mean, use ya head for a secon', girl, ya jus' do this...

The Drakeling headbutts The Mare (Vit) in the head, bruising the muscle, bruising the skull and bruising the brain! The Mare (Vit) gives into pain! The Mare (Vit) has been knocked unconscious! The Mare (Vit) collapses!

VO: Vit? Wot did ya do to Vit?!

The Mare (Vo) places a chokehold on The Drakeling's throat with her right front leg!
The Drakeling breathes fire! The Mare (Vo) is caught in the dragonfire! Her right front hoof has been burnt to a crisp!

VO: Aaughyaaa!!!

The Mare (Vo) releases the grip of The Mare (Vo)'s right front leg on The Drakeling!

The Drakeling kicks The Mare (Vo) in the left front leg with his right foot from the side, shattering the bone, jamming the bone through the left front knee's muscle and shattering the left front knee's bone!
The Mare (Vo) collapses! The Mare (Vo) gives into pain!

The Mares were defeated!
Spike earned 50 experience points!
Spike is now level 4!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//Did... did I win?
VO: Oohhh... oh, m'knee, oh, ow, ah...
//Vit is still unconscious.
Spike: (What am I supposed to do here?)
//They never mention what Heroes do with defeated enemies. I don't want to kill them, but that knee looks nasty and crumpling to the ground like the other one did probably means her head needs to be looked at. If I leave them here, though, that amounts to beating up two ponies in a cave because I thought they were criminals (even if they are)...
Spike: Do you have any rope?
//She keeps moaning, stretching out both wounded legs out in front of her. I search through sparse digging supplies and find a few dozen feet of rope.
//Vo's back legs are tied together, and the rope is attached to her neck and then to the empty treasure chest, in which I put all the digging supplies. All of Vit's legs are tied together, and I throw the last hoop of rope over a stalagmite high on the wall.
Spike: That ought to keep you two for a while.
//I sit down and try to get an angle on my cuts, to close them with dragonfire.
VO: Do ya... do ya wan' the treasure? Issat why ya're here?
Spike: Treasure?
VO: Ya! She tol' us treasure's in tha' side of the room!
//It must be a treasure chest filled with gold gullibles.
Spike: Who is 'she'?
//Vo shrugs.
VO: I-'unno, some unicorn. Vit knows 'er name. Ey, Vit!
//...I'm going to leave before I lose my mind watching Vo try to wake up Vit with both of them bound.

//Climbing through the tunnel again, it starts to get wetter than normal, and the torch I acquired (stole) from the pirates is burning out.
T: So, what did you mean by that, then?
Spike: Do you think I did the right thing? I didn't want them to escape, but if I don't come back quick enough, they could be here a long time.
T: Was it 'I don't want a pony to be my mentor'? You've been focusing a lot on being a dragon lately... is that the reason?
Spike: And they need medical attention, odds are as soon as possible. Who do I tell for that? Do you think the city guard sends a nurse with them?
T: I would understand, 'I don't want someone who knew the old Spike to be my mentor'. That's an immense informational advantage and could really mess up a teacher-student bondage if not handled correctly.
Spike: ...Twilight, I think it's 'bond'.
T: Nonsense; he wouldn't be in a cave.
//The next section of the tunnel drops down about ten feet, opening into a wider part of the cave holding a long pool of water.
Spike: Can't hold an aquifer.
T: It shouldn't! Look at the walls; they're rough granite!
Spike: It only looks waist high, and this is the only way to go.
//I take a deep breath, steady myself for the cold, and jump in.
//I WAS NOT READY FOR THE COLD.
Spike: Aggg, wow that is unpleasant.
//The water comes up to my neck and is crystal clear, which likely means it's poisonous given not even muck is living in it. It's so cold my muscles are working harder just to move, as if the water is thicker. I raise my torch arm higher, and relight it.
T: Spike, this water is disgusting! You could get scale rot!
Spike: Urban myth; scales are actually hardened feathers. Will be dry as a bone in minutes. Was in one of the... oh.
//The books hang off my shoulder into the water, bouncing against my back as I wade. A waterproof bag would have been a wise investment.
Spike: I'm sorry, I'll replace those... Twilight?
//She simply disappeared from the tunnel above, and isn't anywhere near the water... is she mad at me?
Spike: ...Sorry anyway, Twilight.
//I continue wading through the water, towards a dry ledge at the end of the long pool. Beyond where the ledge ends, the bottom of the pool seems to drop off, and I can't see yet if it has a bottom.
//I look down and half an inch away is a smiling face made out of water!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

Spike: Bwaa!
//I leap out of the water and scramble up one of the rough granite walls, tail and books hanging down and dripping behind me.
Water Face: No! Don't be scared!
Spike: Then plan your approach better! What the hell are you?!
Water Face: I'm a Kelpie!
//Water rises out of the... water, and flows into the shape of a pony, completing the body to the face.
WF: My name is Wafa! Well, really, my name is Niogi-Solki-Wafa-.!!.!.!...!.!...!.!...!, but everyone calls me Wafa!
Spike: That's great, Wafa, but you need to learn how to say hello to people.
//I wag my tail back and forth, spraying water droplets everywhere. The bag is still soaked.
WF: Oh~? Will you teach me~?
Spike: I... have something to get to.
//Wafa spouts.
Spike: I'm not sure if you can get out of the way, but if you could, that'd be great...
WF: What are you getting to? Is it ~a girlfriend~?
Spike: No! I mean, no. I'm a Hero, and I'm on a quest.
//Wafa swells.
WF: A _Heeerooo_? Hehehehe!
Spike: And I'd like to get back to that.
WF: Well, are you waiting for an invitation? The ledge is over there, silly!
//It is. With a sigh, I take a breath again and drop back in the water.
//STILL COLD.
Spike: Have you -- brrr, sorry -- have you seen an egg somewhere around here? A dragon egg?
WF: Nope!
Spike: Then I need to get going.
//I wade through the water again, holding the torch, as Wafa asks me questions.
WF: Are you a good Hero? What's your name?
Spike: Spike. Not yet, but I will be.
WF: What are you? Are you a pony? A dragon? A griffon? Something else?
Spike: Uh, can't you tell?
WF: I have no eyes, silly!
//Wafa runs over my shoulders, sending a chill down my spine, and reforms on the other side.
Spike: I'm a dragon.
Wafa: Ooooooo, what kind of dragon? You can't be a black or a bronze dragon, 'cause I'd know, but what kind of dragon are you?
//Don't tell the truth, don't tell the truth, don't tell the truth...
Spike: Just a regular old drakeling.
//Damnit!
//In a wobbly voice as she claps her water hooves together, Wafa gasps:
WF: A drakeling? Oh my goodness!
//Ten feet to the ledge. You can make it, Spike...
WF: This is just like I -- hehehehe!
//Wafa flows between my legs and up my chest to reform right in front of me!
Spike: Woah, watch where you're swimming!
WF: Okay, Spike, _I_ -- have a proposal for you.
Spike: I'm not interested in your Fish Celestia.
//Eight feet...
WF: ...I... I, uh... what?
Spike: It's a joke, see. Celestia's an important god on the surface, and some people go around door to door asking if you'd like to talk with them about oh nevermind.
WF: Hear this, Spike. I just know you're going to ~love~ it.
Spike: I'm a fighter, not a lover.
//_Six feet_...
WF: My Dad is the King of the Kelpies. What, if, I got him to give you the power to breathe underwater? Wouldn't that be awesome?!
Spike: How would the sea creatures react, though?
WF: I'm sure they would love you! You'd get to meet and be friends with all of them!
Spike: Knowing how my adventure's going, I'd only get to meet the dolphins.
//Just four more feet... come on, Spike, you're almost there...
WF: And then you could be our Hero and go on quests for us and be knighted and ask for my hand in marriage and my Dad would say yes! Just like I've always dreamed! Doesn't that sound great, Spike?
Spike: You know, I had a dream, once.
WF: Huh?
Spike: It was about a terrible monster made of marshmallow that meandered menacingly amidst multicolored macaroni, and I don't have enough words to complete the alliteration but give me a second and I might.
//Wafa looks very confused.
//Two feet... reach for it... reeeeaaaaaaaach for it...
//Success!
WF: Where are you going?
//I pull myself out of the water onto the ledge, keeping the torch high, and hop a few steps out before turning around.
Spike: Basically, I learned to fly in order to get away from the monster. And Wafa, you're cool and all... but I've gotta fly.
WF: WHAT?!
//A pony-sized glob of water leaps out of the pool and onto the dry land, ready to attack!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//Okay, where's the way out, tell me it's not into more water... hey, a ladder.
WF: You can't say no to me! I'm a Princess!
Spike: If it makes you feel better I plan on saying no to more than one Princess.
//She can't see you, and you can see her. Besides, she's made of water. Just back away from the pool.

The Kelpie throws water at The Drakeling! The Drakeling's torch is covered in water!
The Drakeling's torch goes out!

//Oh, crap.

The Drakeling leaps backwards! The Drakeling slams into an obstacle! The Drakeling's upper body takes the full force of the impact, bruising the scale!

//Oof, thought that would be the ladder, not a wall. Still, I have a wall, she has just water. She can't even give me scale rot.

The Kelpie throws water at The Drakeling! The spinning ball of water strikes The Drakeling in the first finger, left hand, shattering the bone!

//SHIT
//RUN BOY RUN

The Drakeling leaps to the left! The Drakeling slams into an obstacle! The Drakeling's left foot takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle!

The Kelpie throws water at The Drakeling! The spinning ball of water strikes the wall, fracturing the stone!
The severed pieces fly off in separate arcs!

The Drakeling leaps to the right! The Drakeling misses!

The Kelpie throws water at The Drakeling! The spinning ball of water strikes The Drakeling in the left upper leg, bruising the muscle!

//Please, let this be it...

The Drakeling leaps to the right! The Drakeling connects, grabbing The Ladder!

The Kelpie throws water at The Drakeling! The spinning ball of water misses!

//Climb, you silly dragon, climb!
//After a few rungs, I start to slow down. Every bit of me is soaked in water, but I'll be dry by the time I reach the top of the ladder. Especially because... wow. That is tall. At least there's some light at the end of it.
Spike: So Twi, do you --
WF: Wait!
Spike: Gaah that's weird!
//Wafa is speaking to me using the water still clinging to my scales. She's currently talking from where the second ball of water hit, my upper leg.
WF: If you come down the hole with me, I can make you feel really good!
Spike: I don't want to!
WF: W-Wait, I can do better! I can make you feel really good here, and then you can come down the hole with me!

Water spreads across The Drakeling's lower body! Water spreads across The Drakeling's right upper leg!

Spike: Leave me alone!
WF: No!

The Kelpie assaults The Drakeling! The Drakeling's resistance is lowered!

//I can't climb the ladder like this, I'll drop off halfway through! But Wafa won't just dry off; she's a water spirit!

WF: You know, I've been doing a lot of research about drakelings, in my spare time.
Spike: Stop talking! That feels weird!
WF: When a drakeling mates, he releases a series of chemicals that flood his head! He's one hundred percent enamored with whoever he just mated with! A complete and total slave!
//What? Is this true?

The Kelpie assaults The Drakeling! The Drakeling's resistance is lowered further!

//Oh, Celestia, I need to get rid of this girl! But I can't get the angle with dragonfire, and even if I could, I think she'd get me off before I got her off of me!
WF: And do you know what the best part is?
//I climb another few rungs of the ladder, hoping for something to happen.

The Keplie tightens her grip!

Spike: Gahauagh!
WF: I SAID, do you know what the best part is? It lasts forever!! For ever and ever we're going to be Princess and Prince and I just know you'll love it! Are you ready to love me forever, Spike?
T: (Spike! Conglomerate! It's porous stone!)
//The stone in front of me is yellowed and patchy, completely unlike the granite earlier.
Spike: If it's my only chance!

The Drakeling slams his waist into the wall!
The Kelpie is absorbed into the stone!

WF: What? Spike, I thought we were--
Spike: No, Wafa, you're selfish and maniacal. Also a fish.

The Drakeling slams his waist into the wall!
The Kelpie is absorbed into the stone!

WF: Wha?! Spike, no!

The Drakeling slams his waist into the wall!
The Kelpie is absorbed into the stone!
The Kelpie has been absorbed completely!

The Kelpie Princess was defeated!
Spike earned 100 experience points!
Spike is now level 5!
//Crazy watery bint!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//I look above me again. There's still a lot of ladder to climb.
T: You know she wasn't a fish, right?
Spike: It felt right to say.
T: Hey, whatever floats your boat, Hero.
Spike: Is what she said true? About the chemicals, and the obsession?
T: ...Yes. It's all true.
//...
T: Which, coincidentally, you would have found out if you read a bit further in that anatomy textbook you _had_.
Spike: Oh, er... I'll replace those.
T: Yes, you will.

//An few (?) minutes of nothing but ladder climbing passes. Twilight disappears again, probably due to boredom. I drop the bag of books at some point, given that I'll be replacing them anyway. Maybe it'll give Water Face something to do besides assault travelers. When I'm most of the way up the ladder (and totally dry), a vision comes to me.
C: Spike... Spike, it is Celestia.
Spike: Celestia! It's you!
C: Yes.
Spike: Oh honored Celestia, I feel like I'm a target for the world to throw anything and everything at! Not only am I weak of arm, but weak of... weak to assault as well! How can I deal with the fact if someone successfully assaults me, I'm forced to be their slave forever?
C: You are weak of arm and weak of will only right now, but you will be strong, and you must be strong. Have faith, in me and yourself, that through your power and mine things will change. You will always be a target, my Spike, but you will be a target at which the world throws everything, and in the end you will stay standing.
Spike: Celestia! I believe!
C: You may have noticed, in some of your moments of weakness or distress, a certain voice entering your head... it is a rather unique voice, if only for its abrasiveness and cruelness.
Spike: The angry guy that sounds like he's speaking with caps lock on?
C: He is your dragon instinct, Spike, a legacy of the rage your race once held for anything and everything. Though... unpleasant at times, he may be a great source of strength for you when your mind is not clear, due to enchantment effects or... temptation.
Spike: Yes, Celestia! I understand!
C: Go now, Spike, and complete your quest to defeat the pony Princess, and bring back hope to dragonkind.
Spike: I will, Celestia, I will!

//Refreshed by my vision, I reach the top of the ladder in no time at all. I climb up into a cramped room with nothing but a door, under which small cracks of light peek through.
//I open the door to the scene of a minotaur arguing with a pony with an egg in a sling.

//The stench of burning rubber hits like a tidal wave as soon as I open the door.
Spike: *cough* Gack, ugh, *cough*, ugh!
Minotaur: Give me the egg!
Pony With Egg: No! It's not yours!
//The minotaur stands on the cavern floor, surrounded by few streaks of charred stone. The filly, sling around her neck, balances on a ledge high above, trying to advance past a towering drop into a pool of water below. At the other end of the ledge is a hole covered by roots.
MT: And it's yours? You couldn't lay an egg like that!
PWE: At least I'm not a big dumb stupid minotaur!
//Something in this room is illusory. Could it be everything?
Spike: (I think I should intercede, but I have to figure out the illusion or I could be running right into a trap. Any leads?)
//Silence.
//Hold on, the pony with the egg is bright orange. She must be the mayor's daughter. Did she steal the egg? Would she have any reason to steal the egg?
//A minotaur is a dangerous opponent for anyone, especially an unproven Hero like me. If the minotaur stole the egg, I might not be able to defeat her.
Spike: If everyone could calm down and stop shouting, I'm sure we can work this out.
//The mayor's daughter tries to advance further on the ledge, but makes no progress.
PWE: I won't let a dirty evil egg-stealer get Yiha's egg!
MT: You think you can stop me?
Spike: Not to agree with the obvious villain, but you really can't stop her. You're... about the size of her hoof.
PWE: I don't care how big or strong I am! That bully doesn't deserve a single thing!
MT: Girl, save yourself some trouble. Give me the egg, and I'll let you go meet some nice pirates.
PWE: No! I'm leaving!
//I step out of the doorway, close the door behind me, and stretch my arms. How do you ready yourself to fight a minotaur? Or, more likely, get ripped limb from limb by a minotaur?
MT: You cannot run! There is nowhere to run! You cannot pass through the roots!
PWE: Watch me!
//I think I've figured out in the room what is illusory; it's my patience.
//I pick up a stone. Well, if I'm right, a surprise attack is a great way to start a battle. If I'm wrong... I can always apologize, right?

The Drakeling throws the conglomerate stone at The Minotaur! The spinning conglomerate stone strikes the Minotaur in the head! The spinning conglomerate stone passes through!

//That's a relief.
PWE: Gh-gh-ghost minotaur! Ghost m-minotaur!
MT: Who dares to throw a stone at the visage of the esteemed Marquise Tourniquette?!
Spike: Visage? It's an illusion! Can't you smell the burning rubber?
PWE: An illusion?
Spike: Quiet; adults are talking.
MT: I quite agree.

The Minotaur points at The Filly and starts to cast a spell! The Minotaur casts Stupefy!
The Filly is hit by the beam! The Filly is knocked unconscious!
//The mayor's daughter slumps forward on the ledge, towards the murky pool far below! The sling slides up and hangs around her neck!

Spike: The egg!
MT: The egg? And why would you be worrying about... oh, my.

The Minotaur speaks a word of power, forming symbols in the air! The illusion is dispelled!

//In the minotaur's place stands a blood red unicorn, smiling wide enough to rip her face in half. Pouches and vials hang off her, dangling from her mane and tail and tied across her back.
MT: Greetings, little drakeling. My name is Marquise Tourniquette. I usually don't give invaders the luxury of a full introduction, but you'll be screaming my name for some time to come, so I want to make sure you get it right.
Spike: Did you choose two words that sounded vaguely French and mash them together?
//Marquise Tourniquette glares at me.
MT: Tourniquette is a perfectly valid family name!
Spike: For what? A Kelpie's fanfiction character?
MT: Quiet! I'm still speaking!
Spike: A tourniquet is a rope or string used to restrict bloodflow to a limb, and you're pronouncing it 'tourniquette', which is either a little tourniquet or a female one. The word marquise means the wife of a marquis, a noblestallion at some rank no one really cares about.
MT: I know all this! Don't patronize me!
Spike: Then why did you choose a name that means, 'Noblewife Bloodflow Restrictor'? I mean, if you were an upper-class murderous vampire or some such thing, it'd be cool if a little obvious, but you're not! You're just a ratty old sorceress in a smelly cave!
MT: 'Ratty'?!
Spike: Tying fish oil and herbal supplements to your hair? I'll try to understand because you have literally been living under rocks for a while, but girl? Do you even own a mirror?
MT: SILENCE!
//I'd like to comment on yelling the word 'silence' but I'm all out of burns for now.
MT: As soon as I heard the Avatar of Speed was coming to Forlegsandria, I had a sudden urge to get my flank out of there -- which isn't an unreasonable response to the Avatar of Speed, let me tell you. There was a little voice inside my head telling me to stay, however; another one of the Avatars must have been smiling on me, because that great silver oaf managed to get the whole of the dragon district riled up with his defeat. In the confusion--
Spike: Man, I never knew ugly unicorns came with all this free exposition!
MT: Cease! In the confusion, I was able to make an illusion to disguise my two cronies stealing a dragon egg from its mother. So, yes. I admit it. I stole the dragon egg. I was going to sell it, to an anonymous buyer, who wanted to raise it for their own purposes. Likely an immortality ticket, had I to guess.
Spike: I just fought a creature made out of thick water that wanted to molest me in order to make me its slave forever, so I feel justified in saying this: you're a monster!!
//I put my fists up, ready to do battle.
MT: But... I think I'll be returning the dragon egg.
Spike: What?
//I sincerely doubt I am intimidating enough to cause that change of heart.
MT: I'll return the dragon egg. And I'll return the mayor's precious little daughter, too. And you're going to help me.
Spike: Why does everypony I meet seem to have plans for me?
MT: Because _I_ didn't steal the egg. The two pirates, who we'll defeat on our way out --
Spike: Already did it.
MT: Did you? That shortens my plans considerably...
Spike: Glad to be of service, lady, but my plan is just to beat the crap out of you and get the egg back. Fire may make an appearance at some point.
MT: It was the two pirates you defeated that stole the egg, at the behest of the minotaur, who knocked the mayor's little daughter here out. Then, when the fight was turning against you, I swooped in and delivered the fatal blow!
Spike: I've already been written into one crazy bint's fanfiction today, and I don't particularly care for another.
MT: Ah, but you will! You will have been the big Hero, little drakeling, and no one will be the wiser!
Spike: Fine, I'll bite. What's my reward at the end for lying through my teeth about what happened here and letting the villain go?
MT: Reward? Hrmhrmhrm...
//Marquise waves her mane, objects clinking about and half of it hanging straight in front of her face. If she's trying to be seductive, it failed.
MT: Why, you get... _me_!
Spike: I get a dumpy old sorceress? No thanks!
MT: 'Dumpy'?!
Spike: Yeah, I thought about it, and I decided you're more dumpy than ratty. Ratty is more of a coincidence that you look like you haven't seen a bath in a few full moons, but dumpy is when you make a conscious effort to look that bad.
//A wordless scream. I suppose the battle has started.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

The Unicorn charges at The Drakeling!
The Unicorn kicks The Drakeling in the tail with her left front hoof, but the attack glances away!
The Unicorn collides with The Drakeling! The Unicorn bounces backwards!

//She doesn't seem too physically powerful. I need to stay close and make sure she isn't able to cast a spell.

The Drakeling bites The Unicorn in the upper body, tearing the muscle and tearing the fat! The Drakeling latches on firmly!

//Ugh, this is disgusting!

The Unicorn kicks The Drakeling in the right lower leg with her right front hoof, tearing the scale and bruising the muscle!

The Drakeling punches The Unicorn in the head with his left hand, bruising the jaw and shattering the +crystal glass flask+!
A noxious fume begins to fill the room!

MT: My Iron Man gas! That's valuable!

The Unicorn kicks The Drakeling in the head with her left front hoof, bruising the muscle and bruising the skull!

//sOrRy MoMmY i HaVe To DrOp OuT nOw ByE bYe

The Drakeling releases the grip of The Drakeling's lower third tooth on The Unicorn's upper body.
The Drakeling falls to the ground!

The Unicorn leaps backwards! The Unicorn points at The Drakeling and starts to cast a spell!

//Get up and use dragonfire before she casts a spell!
The Drakeling stands up! The Drakeling breathes in, readying dragonfire!
The Drakeling breathes in the noxious fumes! The Drakeling coughs up blood!

The Unicorn casts Charm!

//OKAY, I KNOW I'VE HAD A BIT OF A PROMISING INTRODUCTION, BUT I WANT TO CLEAR THE AIR ON SOMETHING IMPORTANT: YOU ARE A COMPLETE FUCKING WASTE OF WEAK FLESH AND FAKE SCALE. WHY IN FUCK'S FLYING WINGS DID YOU DECIDE BREATHING IN POISONOUS FUMES WOULD BE EXACTLY WHAT YOUR EMPTY-LIGHTER-OF-SOME-ASSHOLE-WHO-THINKS-THE-TREES-GANGBANGED-HIS-DESTITUTE-LEGLESS-GRANDMOTHER'S EQUIVALENT OF AN ATTEMPT AT DRAGONFIRE NEEDED? DID YOU THINK ABOUT THE CORROSIVE FUCKING ACID THAT WOULD BE IN YOUR LUNGS WHEN YOU WERE HANGING OFF OF THE WORLD'S FILTHIEST HIPPIE LIKE A SHIT BABY OFF OF A SHIT TEAT OR DID YOU SAY TO YOURSELF 'NO! THAT'LL BE FUTURE SPIKE'S PROBLEM, AND I HOPE THAT GUY GETS HIS ASSHOLE JACKHAMMERED BY THIS WHORE'S MAGIC HEADPENIS!'? I HONESTLY THINK THIS BITCH BATHES BY ROLLING IN PIG EXCREMENT, OH WHOOPS I MEAN DRAGON EXCREMENT, WAIT WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE WHEN WE HAVE A FINE FUCKING SPECIMEN SUCH AS YOU REPRESENTING US? AND YOU DECIDED THE BEST COURSE OF ACTION WAS 'FUCK YEAH, TIME TO PUT THAT SHIT IN MY MOUTH! THAT'S EXACTLY WHERE THAT GOES!'! YOU'RE THE ONE WITH MULTIPLE INJURIES, COUGHING UP BLOOD AND PUTTING THE WORLD'S MOST DISGUSTING FORM OF LIFE -- SORRY, SECOND MOST -- IN YOUR MOUTH, AND SOMEHOW I'M THE ONE THAT'S SICK! IF YOU GOT DOWN AND YOUR HANDS AND KNEES, CRIED LIKE A BABY AND SHIT YOURSELF, IT WOULD HONESTLY BE EASIER FOR ME TO SEE YOU LIKE THAT THAN THIS. I FUCKING HATE MYSELF FOR HAVING TO CALL YOU A DRAGON AT ALL, SO YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST BREATHE IN, TRY NOT TO SHIT YOURSELF, AND GET FUCKING DISMANTLED BY THE UNIVERSE'S MOST REEKING STAIN OF A HORSE SO I CAN LEAVE. JUST FUCKING BREATHE IN--

The Drakeling coughs up blood on The Unicorn's face!

MT: Waaaaaaagh!

The Unicorn releases the grip of The Unicorn's left front leg on The Drakeling's lower body! The Unicorn releases the grip of The Unicorn's right front leg on The Drakeling's upper body! The Unicorn falls backwards!

//I didn't even notice her, and she was almost on top of me! It feels like my senses were filled for a minute straight with nothing but anger and yelling... Is this what happens when I've been charmed? Celestia, do I have a headache...

The Unicorn stands up!

MT: What?! No one can resist my charms!
Spike: I have the help of someone who is far, far less charming than you could ever be.
//...I'm still trying to decide if that's a good thing.

The Drakeling kicks The Unicorn in the left front hoof with his right foot, shattering the bone!
An artery has been opened by the attack! A motor nerve has been severed and a ligament has been torn!

The Unicorn points at The Drakeling and starts to cast a spell! The Unicorn casts Stupefy!

The Drakeling jumps away from the beam!

//Woah! Better avoid that one; looks like even with a broken hoof this mare is ready to fight.
MT: You won't defeat this illusion!
Spike: What? That you're a credible opponent?

The Minotaur speaks a word of power, forming symbols in the air! An illusion is created!
//Radiating from her, three copies of Marquise hop out, splitting off to stand by the side of the original (?). They sneer and laugh in unison, none of them giving off signals of illusion. From all comes the voice:
MT: Dodge this!

//Okay, Spike, keep your feet moving, and attack with your hands!

The Unicorn (?) kicks at The Drakeling in the upper body with her left front hoof, but he jumps away!
The Drakeling strikes at The Unicorn (?) in the head with his Dashing Rogue Punch! The hand passes through!

The Unicorn (?) kicks at The Drakeling in the left upper arm with her right rear hoof, but he jumps away!
The Drakeling strikes at The Unicorn (?) in the head with his Dashing Rogue Punch! The hand passes through!

The Unicorn (?) kicks at The Drakeling in the tail with her left rear hoof! But the illusion does no damage!
The Drakeling strikes at The Unicorn (?) in the head with his Dashing Rogue Punch! The hand passes through!

The Unicorn (?) bites at The Drakeling in the right lower arm, but he jumps away!
The Drakeling strikes at The Unicorn (?) in the head with his Dashing Rogue Punch, shattering the horn!
An artery has been opened by the attack!
//That was the one!

//Blood pours down Marquise Tourniquette's face as she starts screaming.
MT: Waaaaaaagh! My horn!
Spike: Listen to me! If you surrender, I'm sure the city guard have a way to patch you up. You'll be given a fair trial. I don't want to hurt you!
MT: You did a damn good job of it!

The Unicorn kicks The Drakeling in the upper body with her right back hoof, bruising the muscle and bruising the left false rib!

Spike: If that's the way you want it!

The Drakeling punches The Unicorn in the upper body with his left hand, bruising the muscle, jamming the right true ribs through the right false ribs, jamming the right false ribs through the right lung and tearing apart the right lung!
The Unicorn is propelled away by the force of the blow!
The Unicorn's right rear leg skids along the ground, bruising the muscle!
The Unicorn falls into the pit!
//Silence, and then SPLASH!

Spike: Hoo, hoo, hoo... what was that punch?
//I look at my left hand. Oh yeah, I completely forgot that my first finger was broken. Not broken, but 'shattered', and it looks it. I did that punch with a broken finger?
PWE: Uuuurgh, my head...
Spike: Don't move! You've got the sling around your neck, and you're dangerously close to falling in!
//The bright orange filly steadies herself against the ledge with a hoof, but otherwise stays in position.
PWE: There's someone down there!
Spike: Don't worry; she's evil.
PWE: I think she might drown!
Spike: It's a good possibility.
PWE: Wait, no, she's pulling herself to the edge of the pool. She looks hurt! That's a lot of blood...
Spike: It's too bad there's nothing we can do for her.
PWE: She's waving! She wants us to help!
Spike: _Nothing we can do_.
PWE: A pony jumped out of the water! Wait, no, that's not a pony. Wait, it is; it's a pony made out of water!
Spike: That's probably Wafa.
PWE: A pony made of water jumped out of the water! And she's attacking the other pony!
Spike: ...I suppose it's good Wafa gets her aggression out.
//Echoing up from the pit come terrible screams.
MT: Heeelp! Heeeeeeelp meeeeeeeeee!
//The bright orange pony holds a hoof over her mouth. Eventually, the screams stop.
Spike: What a shame.

Marquise Tourniquette has been defeated!
Spike earned 250 experience points!
Spike is now level 6!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

Spike: So, uh, hi. My name's Spike, I'm a Hero, and I'm here to return you and the egg to Forlegsandria.
PWE: Palla-Walla Ellis. Nice to meet you, Spike, and I figured as much.
Spike: Do you know where that hole blocked by the roots goes?
PWE: Probably to the surface! It's where we used to get into the Westside Caves before the roots grew and blocked it off. Can we go back the way we came in?
//Thoughts of the terrifying screams from below shoot down that idea.
Spike: I... kind of pissed off Wafa in the first place and don't know how long that Marquise pony is going to hold her attention. Besides, I can breathe fire.
PWE: You can breathe fire?! That's awesome!!
Spike: Now that I think about it, yeah, it is kind of awesome. Come down off the ledge so I can pass; we'll just climb right out.
//The roots burn off without any trouble and we're on our way.

//I climb to the top of the short tunnel first, Palla-Walla following some ways behind (lack of hands and the sling). The tunnel emerges next to a great oak tree, overlooking the farms and villages cut out of the forest by the people of Forlegsandria. As I haul myself up, I realize somepony is standing behind the tunnel exit, not saying a word.
Spike: Listen, if you're planning on fighting with the intent of enslaving me, I'm not really in the mood right now, so if you wanna just--
T: Wasn't planning on it.
Spike: Oh, hey, Twilight, didn't see you there.
T: Of course not. Mind telling me why you decided to spend a nice long while chatting with the evil sorceress, instead of, I don't know, defeating her and taking her into custody?
Spike: It was just a little ribbing.
T: You've done quite a lot of _ribbing_ today, it seems.
Spike: ...See, like that!
T: Why did you decide to insult someone you were going to fight in the first place? It just gets them angry!
//I look down at my finger. It's been aching pretty badly since it was broken, but this is the first time I've thought about that.
Spike: Huh, I dunno. Maybe I was aggravated from the pain?
T: Uh-huh.
Spike: Or, maybe I'm finally figuring out who I am. And that person insults people a lot.
T: I don't think that's who you are, Spike.
Spike: Why can't I be a jerk? There are plenty of Heroes who are jerks, it can happen.
T: You weren't like that.
//Twilight disappears suddenly as Palla-Walla grunts, trying to climb out of the hole.
Spike: Oh, let me help you with that.
//I take the sling off and gingerly set it aside, then grab Palla-Walla by the front legs and yank her out of the tunnel.
PWE: Ahhhah, are we out yet?
Spike: Look around.
//It's starting to get dark, and Forlegsandria is quite clearly a few hours away, but it is Forlegsandria and we are out.
PWE: Woah, I forgot how far away this entrance was from Forlegsandria...
Spike: May as well get walking.
PWE: You're a dragon, can't you fly us there?
Spike: Does it look like I have wings?
//Palla-Walla lifts each of my arms up, inspecting closely the part of my side below them where wings would sprout from. She then takes a few steps back, rubs her chin, and inspects me as a whole.
PWE: Can't you grow some wings?
Spike: Sure, if you're willing to wait... uh... an unspecified amount of time.
//I should find that out.
PWE: Unspecified sounds long.
Spike: It is.
//I pick up the sling and put it around my shoulder, securing it tightly. It feels better to me, Palla-Walla not carrying the egg, knowing that the breakables I'm returning to their respective owners aren't together in the same place. Is there an expression for that?
Spike: So, Palla-Walla, tell me: what were you doing in that cave anyway?
PWE: It's... kind of a long story.
Spike: It's kind of a long walk.
//I crack a small branch off of one of the trees nearby, and set it alight. Palla-Walla smiles; she is genuinely delighted just to see me breathe fire. She's a good kid.
PWE: Well, y'see...

//Some time later. We're on the road, it's completely dark out save for the crescent moon and the makeshift torch which is about halfway burnt through, and I have no idea what I've been listening to this entire time.
PWE: So I told them, 'So, I told him, "You can't tell me who I can and can't be friends with! I want to visit my friends in the dragon district!" And then he grounded me, but I escaped! That's how I'm here with you little guys! I hope I don't get in too much trouble when I get home.' And then--
Spike: Pardon me for interrupting, but why were you talking to the eggs again?
PWE: You have to talk to eggs before they're hatched! That way, they grow up happy and healthy and used to activity always being around them.
Spike: Uh-huh.
//Crazy egg-talking bint!
PWE: If you don't, then they grow up lonely and quiet, and spend all their time in their room playing computer games. And who wants that?
Spike: The story, you were saying?
PWE: And then I heard a big boom, and the ground rumbled! And a CRACKCRACK, and a FP-HIIIII and a FOOOOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, like water!
Spike: That must have been Quine, crashing into the fountain.
PWE: Yiha went out to check what was going on, but I stayed with the eggs because I thought they needed someone to look after them. That's when I started to smell something weird!
Spike: Like burning rubber?
PWE: Exactly like burning rubber! And I heard hooves in the kitchen, which I thought was really weird, and a huge dragon roar!
Spike: The hooves were probably the pirates, and the dragon roar... was probably just a dragon roar.
PWE: When I went into the kitchen, I heard two ponies go into the living room, but I didn't see anything! And when I went into the living room, I heard two ponies go into the nursery, but I still didn't see anything! And when I went into the nursery, I saw that an egg was missing!
Spike: Ruh roh.
PWE: So I ran outside, and I did see two ponies galloping away with Yiha's egg! So I followed them, all the way back to Westside Cave!
Spike: And they didn't notice you?
PWE: Nope! And when they handed the minotaur the egg, I followed the minotaur deeper into the caves, even past some slimy water!
Spike: It was more than slimy.
PWE: Hey, what happened to that minotaur, anyway?
Spike: Oh, uh, turns out the minotaur was the pony you saw in the pool. She was using another illusion.
PWE: Oh. Well, when the minotaur got to that part of the cave and put the egg down, I tried to take it back and get away. But you saw how that worked out. And then you showed up!
Spike: Hold on a minute, you followed the egg all the way from Yiha's house, into Westside Caves, through tunnels, through _water_, up a ladder, and Marquise only saw you when you tried to take it back?
PWE: Yep! I'm sneaky!
Spike: I have to hand it to you, Palla-Walla, that's pretty darn sneaky.
PWE: I know! I love sneaking about. I'm just like a cat, you know? I stalk things!
Spike: Er, yeah. That's great.
PWE: I'm such a stalker! I love stalking things. I think stalking is my special talent, I really do!
Spike: ...That would be some cutie mark.
PWE: Think about it: Palla-Walla Ellis, stalker and sneak extraordinaire! I'll be the world's best stalker! No one will ever see me!
Spike: If I get any money from this rescue I'm using some of it to buy you a dictionary.
//A spear points at my face.
Pony Who Says Halt: You, halt! After that little incident, I'm not letting even one of you scalescum out of my sight for a moment.
//WOW. WHAT AN ABSOLUTE PRICK. KILL HIM.
//...This city always seems to sneak up on me.
PWSH: What is your business here? Speak quickly!
//I guess the best response is to be calm.
Spike: Spike, returning Hero. In tow, missing egg, mayor's daughter.
//The guardstallion's mood changes considerably.
PWSH: The mayor's daughter! Miss Ellis, is that you?
PWE: Yep!
PWSH: Come right this way! Your father has been waiting in city hall all night, he's very worried about you, Miss Ellis.
PWE: Oh, great.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//City hall, hewn from granite and placed in the center of Forlegsandria. It's rather far from the dragon district; I hope we can get this over with quickly because I have an egg to return.
Spike: ...Do you guys really have to stand that close to me?
Other Pony: It's not by choice, trust us.
PWSH: You're a suspicious character.
Spike: I rescued the mayor's daughter and a stolen egg!
Other Pony: Right. And why would a _dragon_ of all people want to do those things?
//What, a dragon can't have a sense of morality?
PWE: Ugh, old people are so dumb about these things!
//Hearing his daughter, the mayor looks up. He leaps from the place he was sitting and embraces the young filly.
Mayor: Palla-Walla! Oh, my Palla-Walla!
PWE: Dad, you're embarrassing me.
//She hugs him back anyways.
//I tug my arm out of the grip of the guardstallions.
Spike: Uh, can anyone point me to the dragon district? I want to meet someone there.
Other Pony: (Someone who likes omelets?)
PWSH: (No, must be a bad parent.)
OP: (Figures. Who could expect a predator animal to care for their young?)
//Ignoring the idiots behind me, I speak a little louder:
Spike: I'm trying to find a dragon named Jebed. Does anyone know where she lives? Scratch that, I'll settle; anyone heard of a dragon named Jebed? Or Yiha?
//At the mention of Yiha's name, Jebed raises her head and looks at me.
//...Why are there two empty barrels of wine on the city hall reception desk?
//Jebed rushes over to me immediately, inspecting the egg quickly, and me with a curious eye. The guardstallions grip their spears a little bit closer.
Mayor: Where were you this whole time? What happened?
PWE: It's okay, Dad! I got into an adventure at Westside Cave but Spike rescued me!
Mayor: That dragon over there saved you?
JBD: So it was Spike, that was your name?
Spike: Yeah! Have you heard of me?
JBD: ...Excuse my memory, lack of sleep has not helped its function. But you were the one who rescued the little filly?
//...I suppose it's nothing to be disappointed about. A leader of a bunch of people can't be expected to know everyone.
Spike: Yeah, so you can also call me 'Hero'. Was this the egg you were looking for?
//Jebed inspects me instead of the egg.
JBD: Spike, hand me the egg, you're about to collapse.
Spike: What?
JBD: Your knees are wobbling, and you're in a terrible condition, so give me the egg, quickly.
Spike: Nonsense, I feel fine!
JBD: Egg!
//I sigh and take the sling off, holding it out for Jebed.
Spike: I don't know what the fuss is all about, but if you really--

The Drakeling gives into pain! The Drakeling collapses!

PWE: Spike!
Mayor: Whoa! Is he okay?
JBD: I doubt it.
//Huh... usually when people collapse they also faint. Why couldn't I have done that?
//Jebed hangs the sling around her neck, cradling the egg with a front leg.
JBD: It looks like he's fainted.
Spike: Hhhhhhhrnrnggghhh.
//My mouth is pressed up against the floor, so I can't make any intelligible sound. Even moving the tiniest muscle right now would require the world's greatest effort.
JBD: Oh, I suppose not. You should call a paramedic anyway, Mayor Ellis, one who knows dragon anatomy.
Mayor: Do we have one of those? In the city guard?
PWSH: I sincerely doubt it, sir. For the purposes you're intending at least.
Mayor: Then get me the next closest thing, as fast as you can. It's an emergency!
PWSH: Yes, Mr. Mayor. I'll fetch the veterinarian.
//The guard pony runs off. If the mayor takes Jebed's word into consideration so highly, why is it illegal for dragons to work in Forlegsandria? Because of the prevalence of ponies like the guards?
Mayor: Can you see what's wrong with him?
JBD: Besides his decision-making skills?
Spike: Hng!
JBD: His finger is smashed beyond use; he has maybe six cuts or so that have been sealed off with dragonfire, which isn't sanitary at all; he's been struck in the head rather badly from the looks of it; there are glass shards wedged between the scales of his hand; from the sound of his breathing I'd say something got at his lungs and overall he is just a bruised, beaten mess.
//Jebed turns my head during her inspection and I manage to wiggle my mouth free of the floor.
Spike: If someone could turn me over, I think I'd breathe better.
JBD: Certainly.
//Jebed turns me over. The jade bracelet around her claw dangles in my face, grey ankh swinging from side to side.
//Mayor Ellis, Palla-Walla, Jebed and another two guardsponies are all standing about; it's too late at night and the day's been too long to do much of anything. Twilight is at the other end of the room, inspecting an engraving with her hood up.
Mayor: What about you, Palla-Walla? Are you hurt?
PWE: No, Dad, I'm fine. Kinda tired from the walking, though.
Mayor: Walking? From where?
PWE: Dad, I'm really alright! You can stop hugging me now.
Mayor: Never! Not if it means losing you again.
//Palla-Walla sighs.
PWE: We walked here from Westside Cave, the faraway entrance! There was a big bad minotaur Spike defeated in there, and I guess a bunch of pirates?
//Oh, right, the pirates!
Spike: If you get about twenty minutes into Westside Cave from the entrance nearest town you'll come across two ponies who are tied up, one of them has a broken knee and a bad burn. They... likely won't be happy to see you. They stole Yiha's egg.
//I hope nothing's happened to them... nothing like Wafa, at least.
Mayor: Send a detachment into the caves and find them, I want those thieves arrested.
Pony Who Gets One Line: Yes, sir!
//PWGOL leaves.
JBD: And, Miss Ellis, you said something about a minotaur?
PWE: Yeah, but the minotaur turned out just to be a pony, I guess?
Spike: Illusionist. You're, uh, not going to find much of her. Water spirit got to her, ever heard of a Kelpie?
//Jebed narrows her eyes and snorts.
JBD: Was it Wafa?
Spike: Yeah. You know her by _name_?
//I haven't paid much attention to it before but Jebed is a bronze dragon. Are bronze dragons the ones who love to swim?
JBD: That girl has been causing trouble for decades now, saying she'll give travelers the ability to breathe underwater. She just drowns them.
Spike: Delightful.
Mayor: No matter what kind of troubles you've struggled through, Yiha's egg is back here safe, and so is my Palla-Walla. You're exactly the sort of dragon this city needs more of. Such bravery in these troubled times deserves some sort of reward.
//I try to wave my hand but my muscles are out to lunch.
Spike: No reward necessary, Mr. Mayor, I'm a Hero. It's my duty.
//What I really want is to find someone who knows me, and I've already worked towards that by impressing Jebed and the mayor. There's bound to be some way to track the old me down...
//Twilight coughs from the other side of the room, shaking an empty bookbag.
Spike: Oh, er, yeah, I'll take cash or credit.
Mayor: Of course, I'll have it delivered to... are you staying anywhere?
//...You know, I hadn't thought of that.
JBD: He'll be staying with me, until he recovers.
//Sweet!
Spike: I wouldn't want to impose.
JBD: (I'm going somewhere with this.)
Spike: (I wanted to talk to you after this anyway, so okay. Go ahead.)
JBD: But I believe the recovering Hero has a more substantial request for you, Mayor Ellis.
Spike: (I do?)
//Jebed unnoticably taps me with a claw in a bruised spot. I twitch for a moment and then realign my eyes. So bright...
Mayor: He does? I'm willing to hear anything from the one who brought my Palla-Walla back to me.
Spike: Oh, uh... this whole incident wouldn't have happened today if R-- the Avatar of Speed hadn't attacked the greater half of the dragon district, right?
JBD: Spike, you can't ask him to hold the Avatar of Speed responsible for the fight in the dragon district. She is, but she's above the law.
//Darn, I guess she really is one of the Princess's knights... if I can't get justice for my dragon brethren, is there really anything else?
Spike: So, a new fountain would be nice...
JBD: (I was thinking some sort of phrase including the word, 'employment'.)
Spike: (Oh, yeah!)
//MORON THINK ABOUT A DRAGON BESIDES YOURSELF ONCE IN A WHILE
Spike: What if there weren't as many dragons hanging about in the dragon district in the middle of the day? Because they were working?
//Jebed smiles. Yay, I'm not getting poked again!
Mayor: Yes, the law preventing employers from hiring non-pony labor. I know it well.
JBD: And yet you've done nothing about it, Ellis.
Mayor: The law was put in place years ago, by one of my predecessors. He was worried about the population explosion and the availability of jobs for unskilled pony labor.
JBD: No, he was a demagogue who established tyranny of the majority in order to get re-elected. I heard the rhetoric. Frankly, it's better now that he's dead, because you can fix this.
PWE: I never knew heroic rewards came with all this free exposition!
//Where did she learn that?
Mayor: Pony population growth hasn't slowed in the time since he governed. If I introduce legislation reversing the ban, every pony this side of Canterlot who works a blue horsecollar job will be furious with me!
JBD: You're saying dragons should suffer for the betterment of ponies?
Mayor: Jebed, you know how they'll react. Like it or not, most Forlegsandrians _are_ ponies. I can see the attack ads now: 'Mayor Ellis puts the needs of a small minority ahead of the needs of the majority of Forlegsandria citizens'. How am I supposed to respond to that?!
JBD: 'I did what was _right_'.
PWE: Dad! You can't do something just because it's easy! You have to be like a Hero, and do what you know is right even if sometimes it hurts!
//Still, probably a good idea to avoid water spirits.
//The Mayor sighs. His own daughter joining the discussion must have swayed him.
Mayor: You're right. Both of you. I'll start drafting a bill the first thing tomorrow. Even if it'll lose me the election, I have to do what's right.
//'Most Forlegsandrians are ponies'? There must be fewer dragons here than I thought. Or maybe there are more ponies.
Spike: Won't the sudden competition for jobs cause tension between ponies and dragons?
JBD: True peace is not merely the absence of tension, Spike; it is the presence of justice. Besides, if ponies and dragons can make an attempt to understand each other better, as we have, harmony is possible.
Mayor: Heh, a few lonely hours spent between two old, terrified parents worrying about their progeny can get anybody closer together.
Spike: (Also, two entire barrels of wine.)
JBD: (That was mostly me.)
PWE: Oh, come on! A romantic pairing is such a cheesy way to end a tale of discrimination and hatred!
Mayor: What?!
JBD: No!
Mayor: You don't know what you're talking about!
JBD: That's not what's happening here!
Mayor: Palla-Walla, be quiet!
JBD: That's disgusting!
Mayor: I most agree!
//Prudes!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//The roof of Jebed's house in Forlegsandria, turned bright orange and gold by the setting sun. Flat sheets of wood lie broken all around me.
Spike: I'm sorry, Twilight, I'm not getting this new technique. I think it's a dud.
T: Take a minute, then, and calm yourself down.
Spike: No, I want to keep trying. I can get it. I know it.
T: Remember when I said you had to learn how to keep your composure?
Spike: I'm trying, I'm trying!
T: It's not because I'm trying to get you to be more pleasant -- comments aside -- but because the punch relies on having a clear head. You have to be mentally untroubled for the technique to work.
Spike: Great, so I'm never going to get it.
T: Don't say that, Spike. After all, you've already done it once before.
Spike: I have?
T: The sorceress? You were wondering what that punch was that defeated her; this technique is that punch given a name and consistency.
Spike: Celestia's wings, I'd love to do that type of damage with every punch...
T: Steady yourself again, on the ground and in your head. Spread your legs a little more, and move your torso back. Hold the pose, and... punch!
//The wood splinters into hundreds of little pieces, scattering off into the wind and onto the rooftop!
[Fist of Justice] was mastered!
//The first thing that's gone right this week...
Spike: Fist of Justice, I can shorten that. Taste my Justfist!
T: I've created a monster.
//Twilight picks small bits of wood out of her mane.
Spike: Drink deep from the cup of my Justfists, fiend! Hyaa!
T: Poetic recounts of the tale of the Sixteenth Disciple of Discord, Josh, say he destroyed an entire castle from the base with this one punch, killing everyone inside.
Spike: Justice... yay...
PWE: Spike! Spike!
//Palla-Walla comes trotting up the stairs, hauling a great sack of bits on her back.
PWE: It came, it came, it came!
Spike: Hey, the reward! Oh, there are smaller bags inside, that's a relief.
T: Cough, cough.
Spike: Palla-Walla, can you do me a favor? Take one of the smaller bags, go to a bookstore, pick up a dictionary, and, what else, uh... I'll give you a list.
T: Made one already.
//Palla-Walla Ellis grabs the list and holds it against her forehead, like a salute.
PWE: On it, Sir Spike!
//Sir?
//Palla-Walla dashes off.
Spike: So, at least something good came out of my stay here.
T: Give yourself some more credit, Spike. You saved two people's flanks, remember? And Mayor Ellis _is_ drafting a bill to enforce non-discriminatory hiring practices, no matter what his spokesponies say.
Spike: And where has that got me? Right back where I was in the first place! Forty percent of all dragons in Equestria, and not even one of them has heard of me!
//Twilight looks up, eye on the sky.
T: Cirrus, darn it. There's a storm coming.
Spike: Huh?
//She shakes her head, dismissing that thought. Little bits of wood fall out of her hair.
T: Spike... if there were someone, who knew you very well before any of this happened... would you be interested in that person?
//Why is she being obtuse?
Spike: Uh, I know we were friends, Twilight. But I have to find more than one person who knew me. Part of being objective is getting information from multiple sources, so it's not like I don't trust you or anything. I just have to find someone else, because... I don't want to ask you about the old me, because whatever small part of me you knew would become all of who I am now.
//If that makes sense.
//Twilight bites down on her lip, hard, trying not to say something. 'Swings, I should probably continue before she starts to bleed...
Spike: Besides, you're an important pony! I would never dream to waste your time! Even this week, there must be plenty of friends who are worried about not hearing back from you in so long.
T: Uh...
Spike: Students who haven't had a lesson in a while?
T: Well...
Spike: Romantic partner wondering where you've gone?
T: Y'see, that...
Spike: Important work you've left untouched for your job?
T: ...Spike, it's really no problem! I've had fun coming here to Forlegsandria and --
Spike: Watching me get the snot kicked out of me?
T: -- basically, yeah, but I've also managed to scrounge up some new macroeconomics textbooks, and I'm helping the mayor plan the bill and its following incentives to make sure it sticks. Even if he'll lose the upcoming election.
Spike: Won't whoever is mayor next just repeal the law anyway?
T: ...Don't worry about me, Spike, I'm keeping busy. We'll be on the road soon enough, I'm sure.
//Twilight puts up her hood as Jebed approaches from the sky. She lands on the splintered wood, folding her wings and nodding.
JBD: Hello, Spike. Hello, road scholar who for her own reasons has yet to tell me her name.
T: I'll get back to you on that.
JBD: Mmm. What is all this broken wood for, Spike, are practicing your technique?
Spike: Nope, mastered it. Hyaa!
JBD: Looks dangerous. Mind if we talk inside?

//Jebed, Yiha and I sit around a basic table with a few shelves of spices and crude utensils hanging by the window; this is the kitchen. After Yiha and I finish eating she goes to rest on her eggs; the meat necessary to sustain Jebed wouldn't fit through the doorway and barely does she. Twilight Sparkle is in the living room, reading a book.
JBD: Why are phoenix never lonely?
Spike: Uh... if you said 'always', the answer would be 'because they can never spend the rest of their life with someone'...
JBD: Because they're never without a date!
//From the other room, Twilight laughs.
Spike: ...I don't get it.
JBD: Botany joke. The palms that give the date fruit are of the genus Phoenix.
Spike: Oh, that's clever. The most terrifying beast in the world is one that no one has ever seen, or ever heard, has no odor, and as soon as it touches you, you die. It can jump over thousands of miles in an instant, get through any locked door or barricade, and can destroy entire empires with just one strike. So great is its terror that some people get very rich telling others that they know someone who will not defeat the beast, but can make you survive the beast's attack. What is its name?
JBD: I'm thinking of an intangible, maybe 'War'...
Spike: Is that your guess?
JBD: No. Death?
Spike: Ah, yep. I'm out of riddles.
JBD: Three riddles? That's all? I understand Hero and 'dragon sitting atop a mound of priceless treasure asking riddles of an entering Hero' are likely mutually exclusive roles, but three is not many riddles for even a Hero to know. Two good ones, maybe; the riddle of the sphinx hardly counts as a riddle anymore and I doubt any keeper will be asking it.
Spike: Should I tell Palla-Walla to get a book of riddles as well?
JBD: Couldn't hurt.
Spike: How did you get so good with riddles, Jebed? You don't seem the type to lie around reading books.
//Jebed shrugs, and her eyes wander.
JBD: I've sat atop a few treasures in my day.
//Twilight stifles a laugh. Jebed calls to her:
JBD: Oh, ha ha ha, no, you silly mare. Well, _yes_, but no. That's not what I meant.
Spike: What?
T: Don't worry about it.
//I have no idea what happened here.
JBD: I hope you've enjoyed your stay here so far, Spike. At the very least I hope it wasn't dreadfully boring.
Spike: No! It wasn't at all, I... I'm just a little disappointed we couldn't find anyone who knows me. That's all.
JBD: (Spike, you already know someone who knows you.)
Spike: (Oh, Twi? Sure, she knows me, but I don't know her.)
//Jebed gives me one eye, oddly.
JBD: (I don't follow.)
Spike: (I hit my head and lost my memory. I'm trying to find someone who met me before that.)
JBD: (Lost your...?)
//Jebed waves her neck back and forth as she ponders. She glances once at the stairs that lead to Yiha's nursery room.
JBD: (I had imagined a... different situation than that for you, young drakeling. But you did arrive here with this mare -- Twi, was it? Maybe she knew you?)
Spike: (She says so. But what kind of idiot would I be to trust the first person I meet after waking up?)
//She smiles, still keeping her teeth in. It's a very patronizing (matronizing?) effect.
JBD: (You are cleverer than you first present, little Hero.)
//Thanks, really.
JBD: (But are you truly sure it was a blow to the head that happened to you? It seems exceedingly rare that blunt force trauma, nevermind the world's most precise surgical tools, could leave you with everything but memory. As far as I can tell, besides the odd desire to be a Hero, you are a functioning dragon.)
//It's not that odd...
Spike: (Yeah, that's what happened. Celestia told me.)
//A quick pause.
JBD: (I'm sorry, come again?)
Spike: (Celestia appeared to me in a vision, said I lost my memory, and then told me to be a Hero.)
//NO SHE TOLD YOU TO KILL SHIT, YOU TACKED THAT ON.
//I force the hot buzzing down in my head.
//THAT'S NOT ME, THAT'S THE COGNITIVE DISSONANCE.
//Jebed pauses for a long while, looking at me from the corner of her eye.
JBD: (...Seeing a vision of Celestia does sound more like a blow to the head.)
//Well, if there aren't any dragons in this area who could know me, where else do dragons live?
Spike: (Uh, Jebed? Can I ask you a question?)
//Jebed moves her head in, raising an eyebrow.
JBD: (Go ahead.)
Spike: (You know that huge silver dragon who was in the district the other day, Quine?)
JBD: (Hm, yes, I know him.)
Spike: (Do you think he accepts apprentices?)
//Jebed leans back, tapping a claw against her chin. I look over to the living room; Twilight is still quietly reading.
JBD: (Well, I've never heard of it, and I don't remember Quine mentioning such an idea when I've spoken with him, considering that he is a rather busy dragon.)
Spike: (That's why I was asking. He was saying something earlier about fighting against the Avatar of Strength, and a dragon who can fight toe to toe with an Avatar is a dragon I want to know.)
//If I'm going to challenge Princess Hazel to get my memories back, I need someone who can get me to that level...
JBD: (...But I don't see why he wouldn't, if a person showed promise and willingness to learn. The Aquinatic Mountains are a dangerous place for a dragon to be, though, so visiting him would be no easy task.)
Spike: I think I can find it on my map, here...
JBD: (Those you'll find there are true dragon's dragons. They're traditionalists and fierce, through and through.)
//I'm more than a little glad the Aquinatic Mountains are far away.
JBD: And he would likely set forth some sort of task to prove your... ah, that's perfect, and it's on the way.
Spike: Do you already know what he's going to say to me? Are you two, uh, that close?
JBD: ...No, if you're asking what I think; Quine was a full dragon when I was a hatchling, he was a full dragon when my grandmother was a hatchling, and from what I understand he was a full dragon when my twelfth ancestor was a hatchling. But he is an old fashioned dragon, and there is only one thing an old fashioned dragon likes more than obtaining a new item for his hoard.
Spike: (I'm guessing 'training an aspiring whelp' isn't it.)
JBD: Recovering an item stolen from him. If you look on your map, two thirds of the way to the Aquinatics from here, a valley should be marked.
Spike: 'The Valley of Death'. Ironic nickname for a spa center and resort, I'm hoping?
JBD: A necklace was stolen from Quine as he was visiting the graveyards and mausoleums there.
//Are we talking a Quine-sized necklace, or a me-sized necklace?
JBD: It is a simple grey ankh on a string, like this one on my wrist without the jade. Return it to him, and that should be a more than satisfactory test of your abilities.
Spike: Okay. What does the ankh represent? Is it magical?
//Jebed glances at the ankh for a moment, as if trying to remember.
JBD: Not magic, no. As for what it represents, Quine can tell you more about it than I can.
Spike: Cool, I get to join the 'powerful dragon club', when's membership due?
JBD: 'Powerful dragon club'? Sure, membership dues are an early grave and a chapter in the biography of Princess Hazel.
//What?
Spike: The Princess has killed dragons?
JBD: Dozens. You don't know? That is how she gained her power after the disappearance of Princess Celestia, by hunting dragons who had a sizable territory and collected enough tribute from ponies to be notable. Then she did the same thing, except territory was 'protectorate of Equestria' and tribute was 'taxes'. She personally put over a hundred dragons underground, a few thousands out of a home or land, and got famous doing it. (Of course, that's not to say some of them didn't deserve it, but still...)
//I clench my fists.
Spike: Hazel...
JBD: Now, some people say revenge is unhealthy, inefficient, and breeds a cycle of hate that never stops. Me? I believe criminals need to be brought to justice to prevent crime from spreading. It might just be a difference of opinion.

//On the road. A small bag of bits bounces against my leg, as does a larger satchel of books. The atlas is in my hands.
T: So, any idea?
Spike: Half of these roads don't exist anymore! What kind of atlas is this?
T: 'Martholemew's Historical Atlas, Thirde Centurie', apparently.
Spike: Dangit, Palla-Walla!
//I left the greater sack of bits with Palla-Walla, mostly because Jebed refused it. Told her to buy a statue for the fountain with the reward instead of waiting on city officials; said a statue of a dragon and a pony dancing would be best. Palla-Walla's a good kid, but I hope she doesn't screw that up too.
\\And I didn't even get my book of riddles!
T: We're a few days out from anywhere.
Spike: It's getting greener, we must be coming up on a river.
T: Which one?
Spike: Uh, depends on how many we passed. Do you remember?
//The scenery around here is plains, plains, plains, and plains. Imagine someone who hasn't had water in two days creaking the word 'shrubbery' and you have a pretty good sense of the place. It's not a desert of any sort, but you start to miss the color green after a while.
T: We're lost. Wait, don't dragons have magnetoception? Like birds, you can tell where the planet's magnetic field is pointing?
Spike: That's at full dragon stage, and only when the moon is waxing. You'd know that if you read the anatomy textbook.
T: Uh, what anatomy textbook is that, again?
Spike: 'The Truth About Dragons', by Terry Fick.
T: Well-known humor writer. Is there one book in that entire bag that isn't useless?
Spike: I don't know, 'The Real Princess Hazel' is kind of interesting.
T: Ugh, not that crap. There is some truth in there, but it's nearly impossible to pick out between the propaganda, vile distaste of ponykind, and outright slander.
Spike: The bias is rather noticeable. But I don't think it's all that bad.
T: At some point, she has sex with a cat.
Spike: I have not yet read to that point, so thank you, now I don't have to.
T: Let's see what else there is.
//Twilight levitates a book out of the satchel, and frowns at it for a moment.
T: Wow, I can't believe it. They were selling this?
Spike: Let me guess: more crap?
T: No, actually. It's a PhD thesis on the movement of dragon populations during and after the disappearance event, extremely well thought out and researched. So well, in fact, that it was declared 'expository of military information' and recalled a week before it was about to hit shelves.
Spike: That sounds... very useful, actually.
T: You're lucky to have it. You know that big bag of money the mayor gave you as a reward? This is worth at least three of those, and that's just what the government would give you to take it off the market. Dragon hunters would give you at least twice that.
Spike: _Dragon hunters_?
T: Yeah, illegal. Do you still have the telescope on you?
//I take out the telescope and inspect it.
Spike: A little damage from the water, but yeah. Why?
T: I think the river is coming up.
//I put the telescope to my eye.
Spike: Celestia's wings! Someone is getting attacked by three odd, blurry monsters on the other side of the river!
//As she disappears, Twilight says:
T: Rotate the telescope, Spike.
Spike: Celestia's wings! A few blurs are getting attacked by three ponies on the other side of the river!

//I dash towards the scene of the assault, but a pony with a knife in her mouth and a green bandana leaps up from under the bridge!
Spike: What do you want?! Get out of the way!
Knifeholder: Gotta pay th' toll t' pass, scalescum.
//Scalescum?!
Spike: Toll? For what?!
KN: Th' bridge.
Spike: This isn't a toll bridge.
KN: It's m'bridge. I own it.
Spike: This bridge was built six hundred years ago for a settlement that wasted away four years after the bridge was built; no one owns this crap now.
KN: M' Kebb-Nock ancestors built it. I own it. Pay th' toll.
Spike: I'll tell you what you can do with your stupid ancestors...
//As I curse out the pony I reach into my coinbag, pulling out a handful of bits. I throw it at the crook, uncaring.
Spike: Fine! Take this; I have to go!
KN: Toll's more.
Spike: How much?!
KN: How much y'got?
Spike: I don't have time for this!
KN: You a drakelin'?
Spike: Ugh, great, this again.
KN: Toll's more f'you.
Spike: Oh, do go on, I wonder what it could be.
KN: Toll's love. Twice or mebbe three times, depen' how I feel.
Spike: I'm glad you called it 'love' and not 'violation', that really changes my opinion on the whole 'mating against my will' deal. What do you do to people who don't pay the toll?
KN: Stab 'em.
Spike: Well, you're welcome to try.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//The pony attacks!

The Pony charges at The Drakeling!
The Pony slashes at The Drakeling in the upper right arm with her -iron knife-, but he jumps away!
The Pony rushes by The Drakeling!

The Drakeling strikes at The Pony in the lower body with his Dashing Rogue Punch, bruising the muscle and bruising the guts!
The Pony looks sick!

The Pony slashes at The Drakeling in the upper body with her -iron knife-, tearing apart the muscle through the scale!

//Kyaah! That hurt! I can't last long against that kind of weaponry, so let's end this quickly!

The Drakeling breathes fire! The Pony dodges away from the flames!

//Uh oh.

The Pony kicks The Drakeling in the left lower leg, bruising the muscle and bruising the scale!
The Drakeling breathes fire! The Pony dodges away from the flames!

//This mare is solidly built, and quick on her feet. It's a tough fight, but stay calm... staying calm is the way...

The Pony charges at The Drakeling!
The Pony kicks at The Drakeling in the right upper leg, bruising the scale!
The two tangle together and fall over!
The Pony comes out on top!

The Drakeling grabs The Pony by the neck with his left hand!
The Pony grabs The Drakeling by the upper body with her right front hoof!
The Drakeling is pinned!

//Calm, maintain composure... the right timing is necessary to destroy evil and bring virtue.

KN: The toll'll be taken.

The Pony lowers her lower body onto The Drakeling's lower body, pinning it!

//Strike.

The Drakeling strikes at The Pony in the mouth with his Fist of Justice, shattering the upper front teeth and jamming the -iron knife- down the throat!
The Pony swallows the -iron knife-!

Spike: Justice tastes like iron; who knew?

The Pony looks sick!
The Pony is having trouble breathing!

KN: Ahhck... Heeeehhck, ck, heeee...
Spike: Uh, if I could ask you a favor, could you, say, get off me while you're slowly dying?

The Pony coughs up blood on The Drakeling's face!

Spike: Guess it was too much to ask.

The -iron knife- stabs The Pony from the inside, tearing the muscle and tearing apart the right lung!
The Pony is having more trouble breathing!

Spike: Uh, hey, bad idea, bad idea! No!

The Pony collapses! The Pony's upper body pins The Drakeling by the upper body!
The Drakeling grabs The Pony by the right front leg with his right hand!
The Drakeling tries to stand up but The Pony is in the way!

Spike: Get! Off of me! Please!

The Pony vomits up blood on The Drakeling's face!
//In my mouth!! Oh Celestia, why?!
The -iron knife- stabs The Pony from the inside, tearing apart the stomach and tearing apart the right kidney!
The Pony gives into pain! The Pony faints!
//Pinned... by the body...

The Pony has been defeated!
Spike earned 300 experience points!
Spike is now level 7!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//In the middle of the road just before the bridge across a river from where innocent people are being attacked, my face is covered in the blood of the pony whose corpse is currently pinning me to the ground and making it hard to breathe.
T: Well, this is certainly something to come back to.
Spike: Crushing... everything...
//I dance my body about underneath the pony, even my legs, but can't manage to get the body off of me. Did I underestimate how much pony a pony was, overestimate how much dragon I was, or did I ever know either?
T: If you wanted _that_, there were plenty of opportunities before now to get it.
Spike: Less sarcasm... more help?
T: But it looks like you're having so much fun!
Spike: Twilight.
//Twilight puts a hoof on the corpse and shoves it off me with ease.
T: Celestia's wings, are you sure you really won that fight?
Spike: A pony vomited blood in my mouth. I'm not sure of anything right now.
//I lean over the side of the road and try to spit the blood out of my mouth. Then, I seal the large gash on my torso with dragonfire.
T: Didn't Jebed mention that was unsanitary?
Spike: So's bleeding to death. I've got to go!
//I scramble over the bridge, running to where the fight across the river is happening.

//A drakeling is cowering behind the broken body of a sizable full dragon, as two ponies and a unicorn all with green bandanas advance, leaving two other ponies in armor bleeding on the ground behind them. One of the ponies has a knife in his mouth.
Spike: What's going on here? Tell me!
Cowering Drakeling: Help! They attacked us from nowhere and killed Mr. Mortani!
Spike: Is this true?
Strange Unicorn: Of course not! We're tax collectors.
Spike: You look nothing like tax collectors.
SU: Tithes of 100% income are to be paid to Alipheese the Magnificent under penalty of death, standing order of Saccr-Ulkip effective to any passerby in the region.
Spike: Actual tax collectors don't kill people or impose 100% payments. You're just bandits!
SU: Word definitions belong to Alipheese the Magnificent just as all goods belong to Alipheese the Magnificent. For She is Great and will bring about End Times.
//A cult. Exactly what I needed today.
Spike: Ugh, you're probably going to have to help me with the three of them.
CD: I don't know if I can help you all that much.
Spike: Can you breathe fire?
CD: No.
Spike: What do you mean, 'no'?!
CD: I'm carrying a clutch; I can't breathe fire.
Spike: Can you fight?
CD: I'm a nurse, this isn't my element!
Spike: So no help at all?
CD: What do you expect from me?!
Spike: At some point during the battle, I don't know, throw rocks or something? Anything?
SU: Throw rocks... that sounds like a good idea.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

Saccr-Ulkip speaks a word of power, forming symbols in the air! A massive chunk of stone rises from the ground, forming a boulder!

Saccr-Ulkip throws a boulder at The Drakeling (Spike)! The Drakeling (Spike) leaps away from the flying boulder! The Drakeling (???) leaps away from the flying boulder! The spinning boulder strikes the body of Mr. Mortani in the upper body, bruising the muscle, jamming the left true ribs through the heart and tearing apart the heart!

//HERE'S A TIP: AVOID THAT.

The Drakeling (Spike) charges at The Pony (1)!
The Drakeling (Spike) punches The Pony (1) in the right front leg with his left hand, bruising the muscle and bruising the bone!
The Drakeling (Spike) collides with The Pony (1)! The Drakeling (Spike) bounces backwards!

//If I stay near her allies, that unicorn can't keep throwing boulders at me.

The Pony (2) stabs at The Drakeling (Spike) with his +iron knife+, but the attack misses!
The Drakeling (Spike) counterattacks!
The Drakeling (Spike) kicks The Pony (2) in the upper body with his right foot, bruising the muscle and bruising the heart!

The Pony (1) kicks The Drakeling (Spike) with his left front hoof in the right hand, bruising the muscle and tearing the scale!

//Two versus one. I need to take as little damage as possible. Keep your feet moving...

The Drakeling (Spike) strikes at The Pony (2) with his Dashing Rogue Punch, but the attack misses!
The Pony (2) counterstrikes!
The Pony (2) slashes at The Drakeling (Spike) with his +iron knife+, but The Drakeling (Spike) dodges away!

The Pony (1) kicks at The Drakeling (Spike) with his left front hoof, but The Drakeling (Spike) dodges away!
The Drakeling (Spike) counterstrikes!
The Drakeling (Spike) strikes The Pony (1) in the right front leg with his Dashing Rogue Punch, shattering the bone!
An artery has been opened by the attack, a ligament has been torn, and a sensory nerve has been severed!

//Okay, one almost down, you can put this away.

The Pony (2) stabs The Drakeling (Spike) in the left foot with his +iron knife+, tearing the muscle and chipping the bone!

//FUCK SHIT GET OFF THAT FOOT I DON'T CARE WHAT ELSE IS HAPPENING GET OFF THAT FOOT
//Yow, that hurt! I have to take that knife out of the fight!

The Drakeling (Spike) breathes fire! The Pony (2) is caught in the dragonfire! The +iron knife+ heats up, burning The Pony (2)'s mouth to a crisp!

The Pony (2) drops the +iron knife+!
The Drakeling (Spike) kicks the +iron knife+ with his left foot, and the item flies off in an arc!

Saccr-Ulkip speaks a word of power, forming symbols in the air! A massive chunk of stone rises from the ground, forming a boulder! Saccr-Ulkip throws a boulder at The Drakeling (Spike)!

The Drakeling (Spike) leaps away from the flying boulder!
The spinning boulder strikes The Pony (1) in the upper body! It collapses into a lump of gore!
The Pony (1) has been struck down!

//Woah! Not afraid of a little friendly fire, then. I can't keep dodging around with my bad foot, but if I get this punch just right...

The Drakeling (Spike) strikes The Pony (2) in the head with his Dashing Rogue Punch, bruising the muscle and tearing apart the upper spine's nervous tissue!
The Pony (2) collapses!

//Not the punch I was expecting, but hey, if it-- waa-ah!

The Drakeling (Spike) collapses!

//Calm down, it was just your foot. Get back on your knees, at least. It's all fine.
\\Except for the unicorn who's about to turn you into a red smear on the road with easy target practice.

Saccr-Ulkip speaks a word of power, forming symbols in the air! A massive chunk of stone rises from the ground, forming a boulder!

//Nah, I'm not worried.

CD: What are you doing?! Get up! She's throwing another boulder at you!
//The drakeling runs over to me and hauls me to my feet.
Spike: You know, us being in the same boulder-sized area is probably not the best idea.

Saccr-Ulkip throws a boulder at The Drakeling (Spike)!

CD: Aaaaaaaah!
Spike: But I refuse to submit to evil.

The Drakeling (Spike) strikes at the boulder in the stone with his Fist of Justice!
The spinning boulder strikes The Drakeling in the right hand, bruising the muscle and bruising the bone!
The Drakeling (Spike) punches the boulder in the stone with his right hand, shattering the stone into a pile of rubble! The severed parts fly off in arcs!
The Drakeling (Spike) is knocked over and tumbles backwards!
The Drakeling (Spike) slams into The Drakeling (???)! The Drakeling (???) is knocked over and tumbles backwards!

//Saccr-Ulkip smiles, eying me. Celestia, why do all of my enemies have the most deranged smiles? Doesn't evil come with dental? Or mental?

Saccr-Ulkip speaks a word of power, forming symbols in the air! Saccr-Ulkip disappears!

Spike: What?! Invisibility?!
CD: No, I don't... smell that? Lavender.
Spike: Is all this smell/magic stuff common knowledge, or am I running continuously into the world's olfactomancers?
CD: Lavender is the smell of teleportation. She's gone.
Spike: You're sure?
CD: Sure as my name is Celel Dracos, yes.

The Bandits were defeated!
Spike earned 500 experience points!
Spike is now level 8!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

Spike: Celel Dracos.
CD: It's an old name.
Spike: Must be; you don't meet many people nowadays who can say 'hi, my name means: dragon'. You're sure she's gone for good?
CD: Yes. Give me your foot.
Spike: Huh?
CD: I have to know what supplies to get from the cart.
//I lie back and let Celel inspect my foot, stab wound still leaking blood. She then rushes over to the overturned cart and gathers up gauze, disinfectant, and a small wooden slat.
CD: I'm going to have to pry off a scale in order to get at the wound correctly; it's going to be exposed until you regrow the scale.
Spike: Okay.
//Celel pulls out the scale from the base and puts it aside; I pick it up and inspect it. It only looks very slightly like a feather, but I see the resemblance.
CD: You haven't lost too much blood, which is good, but I'm disinfecting the area and that's going to cause some discomfort.
Spike: Okay-yaagh!
//I force myself not to kick as the disinfectant goes in the wound.
CD: Now the bone fragments need to be removed, hold as still as you can.
Spike: Bone fragments? Was it that bad?
CD: Only a small chip; they are nearly invisible shards but they must be removed... there, I think that's the last one.
Spike: I didn't even feel that. You were doing something?
CD: The disinfectant's also a local anesthetic; all that's left is to wrap the injury.
//Celel puts the slat where the scale used to be and wraps gauze around it tightly.
CD: Normally my advice would be to stay off this foot for as long as possible, but I have to ask for your help with the ponies.
//She writes the date on the slat with a small bit of charcoal.
Spike: You mean the red mush splattered all over the boulder and the guy paralyzed from the neck down? I'm sure you're a great nurse, Celel, but I don't think you can help them.
CD: I meant the others, further up the road in the armor. They were Mr. Mortani's guards.
Spike: Oh.
//I stand up, carefully putting pressure on my left foot. It aches dully and feels tight, but I can walk and probably bounce on it.
//We walk over to the ponies in the middle of the road. They are unresponsive, but I get to work on cracking their armor open.
CD: I'm sorry, but I didn't get your name.
Spike: I'm Spike.
CD: Spike, that's not necessary.
Spike: How else are you going to get at their injuries?
CD: There's nothing I can do for them. Their throats are slit.
//I lean over. How did I not notice that?
//Together we push all the ponies, and the boulder, to the side of the road in silence. I'm still carrying the armor I removed from the first pony, a helmet and shinguards, for some reason. It might just be to hold something.
Spike: Celel, are you hurt? You've been silent for a while.
CD: No, Spike, it's... it's all right.
//Celel walks over to the overturned cart and sits down, looking at her knees.
Spike: Where were you going? Is there anything else I can do?
Celel: No, it's...
//Staring at her knees, Celel forces the palms of her hands into her eyes, trying to force back tears and failing. I start thinking, finally.
Spike: Celel, you said you were carrying a clutch. I don't have much life experience, so I didn't get it, but: are you pregnant?
//Celel nods her head sadly.
Spike: Where's the father?
CD: No, I can't, I can't ask any more of you; you jumped out of nowhere and risked your life to save mine. Thank you, Spike, thank you so much, but it wouldn't be right--
//I finally know why I'm holding the helmet and shinguards now.
Spike: Celel, I'm a Hero. This is what I do. You can ask anything of me. Where is your husband?
//Looking at me through her fingers and tears, she points to the northeast.
CD: They took him. Two pegasi with bandanas, they took him that way, during the fight.
//I put on the helmet and shinguards. A little gruesome, I know, but maybe the spirits of the dead ponies will protect me. Or maybe I'm just a vulture.
Spike: Then I'm going that way. Celel, I want to be optimistic about my chances, but you shouldn't wait up. Scavengers will start smelling the blood soon and not all of them will pass up fresh meat. Which way were you headed?
CD: Forlegsandria way, Mr. Mortani was headed. We were following along.
Spike: Then here, take this.
//I untie the small bag of bits from my belt.
CD: No, this is--
Spike: Would you rather them have it?
CD: ...
//Reluctantly, Celel takes the bag.
Spike: When you get to Forlegsandria, look for a dragon named Jebed. Tell her Spike sent you. I'm not sure what the status of dragon employment is in Forlegsandria, but Jebed will know more. The city guard should be looking for someone who knows dragon anatomy. If I manage to get your husband out, I'll send him along the same way.
CD: Spike... thank you. I don't think I can ever thank you enough. I may never be able to repay this debt to you.
Spike: Don't thank me yet.

//The entrance to an underground lair. Strangely, there's no one guarding the entrance, and no one just inside the door.
//Why is it that every adventure takes place in a dank, dark hole in the ground filled with people who want to tear my head off? Why can't I have a 'Casino and Resort' adventure?
T: So, if I were a statistician looking at your adventure, I'd find a few interesting things to talk about.
Spike: (Quiet! I'm trying to sneak in.)
T: (For example, one hundred percent of weapons used against you have been ferrous and edged. I'm not sure two for two is a significant sample size, but I find it interesting that a large neodymium magnet at the right angle would have solved twenty-five percent of your confrontations.)
Spike: (Amazing. How loudly do you think this door creaks?)
T: (Considering the oil tin right next to it, very.)
Spike: (Oh, would you look at that.)
T: (Additionally, over ninety-seven percent of your spoils of war have gone to underage female, pro-dragon, upper to upper-middle class near strangers who you have given instruction to. If I wrote attack ads, I would have a field day with that one.)
Spike: (...Who?)
T: (Palla-Walla and Celel. I'm including everything but the armor as given away.)
Spike: (Let me see if I can squeeze through this passage without too much noise...)
T: (Another interesting statistic is that one hundred percent of opponents in combat have been pony or pony-shaped. Admittedly the last fight broke the streak of solely female combatants, but its existence was strange.)
Spike: (You know, maybe dragons do have magnet powers. Mine is for crazy bints.)
T: (So what does that make me?)
Spike: (The strongest crazy bint of them all. Hold on, I think the one at the end of the hallway saw me.)
T: (This one isn't so much of a statistic as an observation, but: you have a tendency to go on quests at the behest of dragon females. What's with that?)
Spike: (Okay, he's turning around; I don't think he saw me. Did you say something?)
T: (Any time a dragon girl has had some sort of problem you've always been there to be the Hero that saves the day.)
Spike: (I'm not sure what else you're counting, but by my count, that's been about twice. Hand me the oil tin.)
//I take the oil tin from her outstretched hoof.
T: (You were much more enthused about saving Yiha's egg than you were concerned about the mayor's daughter.)
Spike: (...That's true, right. Maybe that was a little bit prejudiced of me.)
T: (Or you were worrying about a defenseless 'thing' before a person in trouble. Or you were thinking about the bystanders caught in the crossfire: a family with power and money versus a family with neither. It's possible that any combination could be true.)
Spike: (Uh, okay.)
//I spread the oil on the ground in a dark spot and wait for the patrolling pony to pass by again.
T: (Which is why you've got to keep in mind the possibility you're so motivated for these quests because they benefit named dragon females. All possibilities must be considered if you want to understand your own thinking.)
Spike: (I'm sure I helped the drakeling get her husband back and the full dragon who is almost a century older than me due to latent sexual desires. Hush, I think he's coming around the corner.)
T: (That's the thing, Spike: sex doesn't have to be explicit in your thoughts or actions, but its influence can still be there subdued, subconsciously. These are all just things to keep in mind.)
Spike: (Hush!)

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

Guard Pony: Hey! Who spilled this oil here?!

The Drakeling charges at The Pony!
The Drakeling kicks The Pony in the lower body with his right foot, bruising the muscle, bruising the guts and bruising the left kidney!
The Pony looks sick!
The Drakeling collides with The Pony!
The Pony is knocked over and tumbles backwards!

The Pony kicks The Drakeling in the left lower leg with his right rear hoof, but the attack is deflected by The Drakeling's steel shinguard!

The Drakeling punches The Pony in the head with his left hand, bruising the muscle, bruising the skull and bruising the brain! The Pony gives into pain! The Pony has been knocked unconscious! The Pony collapses!

Spike: (That was louder than I was expecting, run!)

The Guard was defeated!
Spike earned 100 experience points!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//A long way away and a little time later, I think I've lost them. A tunnel has led me to a small dungeon in the cave complex, if the bars on the other side of the room holding a male drakeling are anything to go by. A green-robed mare is speaking with another mare in armor.
Robed Mare: The preparations should be finalized within the hour. I've already discussed the matter with the Saccr.
Mare in Armor: I take it she was agreeable?
RM: It's the sixteenth of the month. She didn't really have a choice.
MA: Has the capture been drained already?
RM: Oh yes, most certainly. When I mentioned to the membership his fluid was to be extracted, they were so willing it was almost pathetic.
//Fluid? Extracted? This is some crazy cult crap, what's going on?
MA: Aw, dang. I missed it!
RM: Fear not, young acolyte. In our Greater World there will be more than enough toys for every worthy mare to play with.
//'Drained'... oh.
//_Oh_.
MA: How soon is the ceremony starting? Should I retrieve the capture?
RM: He is tied up, yes?
//The drakeling is tied to a stake, arms and torso wrapped tight and feet loosely bound.
RM: Then bring him along to the central chamber now. No reason not to that I can see.
MA: Yes, Royal Mistress.
RM: His blood and corpse will be an appetizer to Alipheese the Magnificent, to invite her to feast on our world.
//They're turning around, wait for it... wait for it... now!

The Royal Mistress points at The Drakeling and starts to cast a spell! The Royal Mistress casts Stupefy!
The Drakeling is hit by the beam! The Drakeling collapses!

RM: I see you, a thief in my caves, panting and sweating as you run through my corridors. I see your heart beating. I see you are afraid.
MA: Woah! How'd you do that?
RM: Dragons are a pathetic creature of warm blood and fake scale. And Alipheese has granted me a snake's infrared vision.
MA: Should we drain him as well? Another part of the appetizer for Lord Alipheese?
RM: No, not enough time. Drakeling fluid must be extracted conscious, and this one looks like a fighter. Just tie this one up and add him to the ceremony as is.
MA: Yes, Royal Mistress!
//The robed mare advances, readying another spell.
RM: Welcome to the Greater World, insect.

The Royal Mistress casts Stupefy!
The Drakeling is hit by the beam! The Drakeling is knocked unconscious!

//HEY. HEY, ARE YOU THERE? YES? WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD WORK ON FINDING A FUCKING WAY OUT OF THIS FANTASTIC SITUATION YOU'VE MANAGED TO PUT YOUR RANK ASS IN INSTEAD OF RESPONDING TO ME! AND WHAT WAS THAT FESTERING EXCREMENT ABOUT JUMPING FROM NOWHERE PRETENDING YOU'RE A HERO INSTEAD OF THE WORLD'S NASTIEST STAIN? I'LL TRY TO UNDERSTAND YOUR SELF-SERVING AND COWARDLY IDEA THAT HEROISM AND INTELLIGENCE ARE DIRECTLY OPPOSED, FIRSTLY BECAUSE IN YOUR CASE THEY ARE, AND SECONDLY BECAUSE WE BOTH KNOW DEEP DOWN YOU REALLY JUST WANT TO BE RIDDEN AND CROTCH-PULVERIZED BY WHATEVER FAIRY FLOWER PONY IS IN FRONT OF YOU AT THE MOMENT BECAUSE YOU ARE PATHETIC AND WEAK, BUT CAN YOU AT LEAST FUCKING ACT COMPETENT? SOMETIME, MAYBE?
//Uurgh, my head. I can't tell what's making it hurt worse: the double Stupefy spell, the dragon instinct, or the constant movement.
//I crack open one eye. In front of me, a drakeling with dull gold scales is bound to a stake by layers of rope around his torso and two coils around his feet, arms behind his back. The stake is carried on the backs of two ponies with green bandanas over their manes, exactly like the rest of the ponies surrounding us in the ceremony chamber except a few mares in armor and one in green robes. I am in the same predicament as my kin, trapped.
Kin Trapped: Hey! Hey, are you awake?
Mare in Armor: No talking!
KT: Or what, you'll kill me?
//Before us, on a raised stage accessed by wide stone stairs, is a tall statue of a creature I can only assume is a snake demon. The drakeling and I are placed on the front of the stage, stakes at our backs planted into holes carved into the rock.
MA: I don't have to. Keep your mouth up and you'll find punishment in the Greater World.
Cult Announcer: Step away! Let the offerings be gazed upon by her Lordship!
//The mares retreat away from us down the steps, staring us down.
KT: When I imagined my own funeral, I never thought its cause would be 'offered up by cultists to a freaky snake thing'.
Spike: Ah, my head...
KT: You're awake? Good, just in time for your dismemberment.
Spike: Do you know what they're planning to do?
KT: Kill us.
Spike: Really, I had no idea.
CA: As it was when Alipheese created our world, flesh must be given, in order to repay the debts we have incurred, and right the wrongs we have--
KT: (You're listening to this? I could never pay attention in Sunday school.)
Spike: (They taught you about a monstrous snake demon in Sunday school?)
KT: (No, Celestia. Same thing, really.)
Spike: (Celestia is not a colossal snake demon.)
KT: (Neither of them are going to have any effect on the near future. To the disappointment of pretty much everyone.)
Spike: (Trust me, it'll only be through the power of Celestia we're getting out of here.)
KT: (That will be quite a trick.)
//I look around. My kinsman and I are bound to stakes in front of an audience of maybe a dozen cultsmares, including two armored mares, and the announcer, who I think is the Royal Mistress. To our back is the statue and the cavern wall; far out in front is Saccr-Ulkip, observing from an isolated entrance to the chamber. I test the restraints covertly.
Spike: (Hmm, I think they gave me too much room because of the cast. I can slip my foot out here.)
KT: (Cast?)
//Wide-eyed, the drakeling sneaks a look at the gauze and slat on my foot. He makes a little sound as if choking while I motion him to look away.
KT: (The date! That's my rebirth-mate's writing!)
//Wouldn't it have been easier to say 'wife'?
Spike: (Yes, she did the dressing.)
KT: (You've seen her? Where?! Tell me!)
Spike: (Celel Dracos, right? She was on the road being attacked by cultists; I managed to fight them off but Mr. Mortani and his guards were already dead.)
KT: (Was she hurt? What happened to her?!)
Spike: (If you'd let me get to it! She was fine so I told her to keep going towards Forlegsandria, and I came here to rescue you!)
KT: (You're doing a damn fine job of it.)
Spike: (We're not finished yet!)
CA: --and as Alipheese has caused our cups to overflow with the beauty of life and the richness of our world, the duty is ours to offer back in kind to fill up her goblet--
Spike: (You need to be a part in your own rescue. Can you fight?)
KT: (Not really. I'm a doctor. Was part of the Dragon Scouts as a hatchling, though, so if you have a bow and arrow on you somewhere...)
Spike: (I'd be more interested in working with rope.)
KT: (Yeah, me too.)
Spike: (Can you breathe fire?)
KT: (No, sorry.)
Spike: (What do you mean, 'no'?!)
KT: (I can't breathe fire. I have none of it left right now. They took it all, stole it out from my waist.)
Spike: (...What? That's how that works?)
//The doctor looks at me oddly.
KT: (Are you a free drakeling? Not bound to anyone?)
Spike: (Thought committed relationships would put a damper on the whole Hero thing.)
KT: (...I'm sorry you have to die this way.)
Spike: (I'm not dying today.)
//I breathe a little bit of fire on the back of the drakeling's ropes, disguising it as a sneeze.
KT: Aaah!
//The entire room, previously paying attention to the Speaker about to wrap up her speech, swivels their heads to look at us.
//I raise my eyebrows, urging him to say something more.
KT: He sneezed all over me! Disgusting! Aaugh! Can I get a towel up here?
//The room swivels back to the Speaker.
KT: (No respect for hygiene...)
Spike: (What I need you to do--)
KT: (Why did you do that?! How do you know I'm not just going to burn at the stake like a witch here?!)
Spike: ('Oh no! I might die twenty seconds earlier than I normally would!'?)
KT: (Well, you don't have to be pissy about it.)
Spike: (...Sorry. What I need you to do is -- can you move your hands?)
KT: (Hhhrrk... barely.)
Spike: (Dig at the rope and try to get it to burn away. When you can break free, uh... do whatever you think would be best, I guess. Untying me would be much appreciated.)
KT: (Understood. But to warn you, I might also scream and run away from a towering snake demon if it's here.)
Spike: (Hey, it's okay. She's going to destroy the world anyway.)
CA: It is time, neonatescales, for us to enter our Lord's Greater World. Go, Goblet Keeper, and fill Her Chalice one final time with her drink, the seed of life and fire.
//A mare in a green kilt advances up the steps, green bandana around her neck like a bib.
Spike: What? Is it starting?
KT: Er... kind of, it depends what you mean.
//The Goblet Keeper stops at the top of the steps and looks back and forth between us, smiling with a great amount of teeth and little humor.
KT: You already spent two hours taking the skin off the fucking thing and now you want more? Leave me the hell alone!
//The Goblet Keeper glares at him, smile rapidly fading.
KT: Are you all personally inclined to jump on anything cylindrical that spits venom, or do you just worship an obviously fictional demon because she lets you abuse people however you want without feeling guilty? Answer me!
Spike: (What are you doing?)
KT: (I'm going to die anyway.)
CA: Goblet Keeper...
//The Keeper stands tall, ready to perform her duty.
CA: Silence him.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

The Goblet Keeper grabs The Drakeling (???) by the left upper leg with her right front hoof! The Goblet Keeper grabs The Drakeling (???) by the right upper leg with her left front hoof!
The Goblet Keeper nuzzles The Drakeling (???) in the lower body with her fuzzy snout!

Spike: Celestia's wings!
KT: Get off me, you freak!
Spike: (Try to give the flames as much time as possible.)
KT: (I'm working on it.)

The Goblet Keeper grabs The Drakeling (???) by the waist with her mouth!

KT: Gaauh!
Spike: Talking, keep talking to me. What's your name?
KT: Kezno. My name is Kezno Telekom.
Spike: 'Telekom'? As in, 'telecommunications' Telekom?
KT: It's a newer name.
Spike: Must be; you don't meet many people nowadays who can say 'hi, my name means: phone line'. You said you were a doctor?
KT: As much as you can call it that; right now I think I'm lunch.

The Goblet Keeper assaults The Drakeling (Kezno) with her mouth! The Drakeling (Kezno)'s resistance is lowered!

KT: Hooph, stop...
Spike: Don't focus on that! Where are you from, Kezno? Where's Celel from?
KT: Celel... I'm so sorry...
Spike: Talking! Keep talking!
KT: We're both from the Aquinatic Mountains. Mr. Mortani was a trader who said he'd be willing to take us to Forlegsandria, so we saved up everything we had to go.
Spike: The Aquinatic Mountains? I heard it wasn't safe for a dragon there.
KT: You have no idea.

The Goblet Keeper assaults The Drakeling (Kezno) with her tongue! The Drakeling (Kezno)'s resistance is lowered further!

//Kezno jerks his knees from side to side, trying to escape, but the Goblet Keeper's skill is unmatchable.

KT: Kya! As if I wasn't sore enough, you bite me!
//The Goblet Keeper says something in response, but her voice is muffled because her head is buried in Kezno's lower body.
KT: 'Swings, when he said keep talking, he didn't mean you...
//The Goblet Keeper starts to hum, obviously enjoying herself.

Spike: You said you're from the Aquinatics, right? Do you know a dragon named Quine?
KT: Quine? Everyone knows Quine!
Spike: (Oh, cool!)
KT: Quine is the reason ponies and dragons can't settle down and live peacefully together! He's wanted for razing at least a dozen villages by the Equestrian Cavalry!
//Really? Wow. I'm sure he has a good reason for it, but still...
Spike: Is the Equestrian Cavalry ponies riding on something or just an army?
KT: Whatever they are, they hate dragons.

The Goblet Keeper assaults The Drakeling (Kezno) with her mouth! The Drakeling (Kezno)'s resistance is at a minimum!

KT: (The humming, stop humming, Celestia...)
Spike: (Is that some sort of technique?)
KT: (No! It just makes it weird!)
Spike: (What's the progress on the rope? How far are you?)
KT: (I think I'm making some; I can't really tell.)
Spike: When the cultists ambushed you, was it an ambush? Was there anyone who could have known where you were going, and when?
KT: It wasn't an ambush, and no. We went around the Valley of Death, and besides, the six of them were just laying about on the bridge; we noticed them long before they -- aah, aaaagh!

The Drakeling (Kezno) struggles in vain against the grip of The Goblet Keeper's right front hoof on his left upper leg! The Drakeling (Kezno) struggles in vain against the grip of The Goblet Keeper's left front hoof on his right upper leg!
The Drakeling (Kezno) bucks back and forth, trying to escape the grip of The Goblet Keeper's head on his lower body, but is unable!

The Goblet Keeper assaults The Drakeling (Kezno) with her tongue! The Drakeling (Kezno)'s resistance is finished!

The Drakeling (Kezno) is defeated!
//Kezno shudders and curls inwards.
//The Goblet Keeper buries her head into Kezno's waist, greedily taking everything Kezno has.
KT: Celel... forgive me...
//Seconds pass as Kezno twitches in his binds, forcing back tears, Goblet Keeper still at his waist.

The Goblet Keeper releases the grip of The Goblet Keeper's right front hoof on The Drakeling (Kezno)'s left upper leg. The Goblet Keeper releases the grip of The Goblet Keeper's left front hoof on The Drakeling (Kezno)'s right upper leg. The Goblet Keeper releases the grip of The Goblet Keeper's mouth on The Drakeling (Kezno)'s waist.

CA: Has this one been made docile?

The Goblet Keeper stands up.

//The Goblet Keeper smiles, again with only teeth.
//Why is it the smiles of all my enemies could cause monstrous jesters to cry and run scared?
CA: The Goblet is only half full.
//The Goblet Keeper advances in front of me, eyes full of lust and hate.
CA: Make it overflow.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

KT: Hero. What was your name, Hero?
Spike: _Is_, Kezno; my name is Spike.
KT: (Spike, give me as much time as you can.)
Spike: (I'll try.)

The Goblet Keeper grabs The Drakeling (Spike) by the left upper leg with her right front hoof! The Goblet Keeper grabs The Drakeling (Spike) by the right upper leg with her left front hoof!
The Goblet Keeper nuzzles The Drakeling (Spike) in the waist with her fuzzy snout!

KT: It was an honor knowing you, Spike.

//Celestia is this horrible, please, don't let this happen to me...

The Goblet Keeper prepares to assault The Drakeling (Spike)! The Goblet Keeper...

Spike: ...
KT: ...
CA: ...

The Goblet Keeper releases the grip of The Goblet Keeper's right front hoof on The Drakeling (Spike)'s left upper leg. The Goblet Keeper releases the grip of The Goblet Keeper's left front hoof on The Drakeling (Spike)'s right upper leg.

Goblet Keeper: What is that smoke coming from the first sacrifice?

//WHELP, FUCK THIS

The Drakeling (Spike) kicks The Goblet Keeper in the head with his right knee, bruising the muscle and shattering the jaw!
Spike: Crazy cultist bint!
CA: His legs! Who failed to secure his legs?!
Spike: How far are you?!
KT: Not far!
Spike: Be further!!

The Drakeling (Spike) kicks The Goblet Keeper in the upper body with his right foot, bruising the muscle and shattering the left false ribs!
The Goblet Keeper is propelled away by the force of the blow!
The Goblet Keeper's lower body skids along the ground, bruising the muscle and tearing apart the middle spine's nervous tissue!
The Goblet Keeper falls off the stage and slams into the ground!
The Goblet Keeper's left front leg takes the full force of the impact, shattering the bone, jamming the bone through the left front knee's muscle and shattering the left front knee's bone!
The Goblet Keeper gives into pain!

//Breathlessly, bent over and clawing at the restraints, Kezno mutters:
KT: Huh, we might have a chance.

The Drakeling (Spike) breathes fire! The rope is caught in the dragonfire! The rope's fibers are cracked and burnt!

KT: Watch the flames!
Spike: Work faster!
CA: What?! Who forgot to drain the second sacrifice?! _Why can he breathe fire_?!
Spike: Stuff it, you--
KT: Uh, Spike, you might want to save your breath for other things.
//The rest of the cultists all snort and paw at the ground, lowering their heads.
Spike: Uh oh.
CA: Members! Make him docile!

The Cult Members attack!

The Cult Member (1) leaps forward, climbing the stairs to the stage!
The Drakeling (Spike) breathes fire! But The Cult Member (1) dodges away, off the stairs!

The Cult Member (4) leaps forward, climbing the stairs to the stage!

Spike: I can't hold them all off like this!
KT: You're going to have to try!

The Cult Member (6) leaps forward, climbing the stairs to the stage!
The Drakeling (Spike) breathes fire! The Cult Member (6) is caught in the dragonfire! Her right front leg has been burnt to a crisp!

The Mare in Armor (1) leaps forward, climbing the stairs to the stage!

The Cult Member (4) leaps forward, reaching the top of the stage!
The Drakeling (Spike) kicks The Cult Member (4) in the left front leg with his right foot, shattering the bone!
An artery has been opened by the attack, a ligament has been torn, and a motor nerve has been severed!
The Cult Member (4) falls off the stage!

The Drakeling (Spike) breathes fire! The Cult Member (6) is caught in the dragonfire! Her right back leg has been burnt to a crisp!
The Cult Member (6) collapses!

Spike: Come on with that binding, Kezno!
KT: Working on it, working on it!

The Cult Member (7) leaps forward, climbing the stairs to the stage!

The Cult Member (8) leaps forward, climbing the stairs to the stage!

The Cult Member (5) leaps forward, climbing the stairs to the stage!
The Drakeling (Spike) breathes fire! But The Cult Member (5) dodges away, off the stairs!

The Drakeling (Spike) breathes fire! But The Cult Member (7) dodges away, off the stairs!
The Cult Member (7) slams into the ground!
The Cult Member (7)'s lower body takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle and bruising the guts!
The Cult Member (7) looks sick!

The Mare in Armor (1) leaps forward, reaching the top of the stage!

Spike: Hey! That's my helmet!
The Drakeling (Spike) kicks The Mare in Armor (1) in the head with his left foot, but the attack is deflected by The Mare in Armor (1)'s steel helmet!
Spike: Give it back!
The Drakeling (Spike) kicks at The Mare in Armor (1) with his right foot, but The Mare in Armor (1) dodges away!
The Mare in Armor (1) falls off the stage! The Mare in Armor (1) slams into the ground!

KT: Spike! There's one coming up from behind the stage!
Spike: I need your help; I can't turn my head that way!
KT: Need more time!
Spike: We don't have any!

The Mare in Armor (2) climbs up the back of the stage!

The Cult Member (8) leaps forward, reaching the top of the stage!
The Drakeling (Spike) breathes fire! The Cult Member (8) is caught in the dragonfire! Her head has been burnt to a crisp! Her mane is set alight!

The Cult Member (5) leaps forward, climbing the stairs to the stage!

The Cult Member (1) leaps forward, climbing the stairs to the stage!

The Mare in Armor (2) leaps forward, reaching the top of the stage from behind!

The rope splits and burns away! The Drakeling (Kezno) is no longer pinned!

KT: That's it, I'm free!
Spike: I'll give you a congratulations later, but for now: help me!

The Mare in Armor (2) grabs The Drakeling (Spike) from behind by the left upper leg with her left front hoof!

The Drakeling (Kezno) leaps into the fray! The Drakeling (Kezno) grabs The Drakeling (Spike), wrenching him sideways! The Drakeling (Spike) swivels around!

//Hey, those are my shinguards!
Spike: Quit stealing my things!
The Drakeling (Spike) kicks The Mare in Armor (2) in the lower body with his right foot, bruising the muscle and bruising the right kidney!
The Drakeling (Spike) headbutts The Mare in Armor (2) in the head, bruising the muscle, jamming the skull through the brain and tearing apart the brain!
The Mare in Armor (2) has been knocked unconscious! The Mare in Armor (2) has been struck down!

T: (I knew you had a hard head.)
Spike: Gack! There's blood and gore all over my face, I can't see!
KT: I'll direct you!

The Drakeling (Spike) swivels around!

//Hold on, did Twilight just say something?

KT: Straight ahead, forty-five degrees down!

The Drakeling (Spike) breathes fire! The Cult Member (5) is caught in the dragonfire! Her upper body has been burnt to a crisp!

KT: Again, she's still there!

The Drakeling (Spike) breathes fire! The Cult Member (5) is caught in the dragonfire! Her lower body has been burnt to a crisp!
The Cult Member (5) gives into pain! The Cult Member (5) collapses!

The Cult Member (8) assaults The Drakeling (Spike) to no effect!

Spike: Your lips are _burnt off_, what are you trying to do?
KT: Her hair's on fire! Get away!

The Drakeling (Kezno) kicks The Cult Member (8) in the lower body with his left foot, bruising the muscle and bruising the left kidney!
The Drakeling (Spike) kicks The Cult Member (8) in the upper body with his right foot, bruising the muscle, shattering the left true ribs, jamming the left true ribs through the left lung and tearing apart the left lung!
The Cult Member (8) gives into pain! The Cult Member (8) collapses!

The Cult Member (1) leaps forward, reaching the top of the stage!

The Cult Member (7) leaps forward, climbing the stairs to the stage!

The Drakeling (Spike) swivels around!
KT: To the right, same level!

The Drakeling (Spike) breathes fire! The Cult Member (1) is caught in the dragonfire! Her right rear hoof has been burnt to a crisp! Her right rear leg has been burnt to a crisp!

KT: Get! Away!

The Drakeling (Kezno) grabs The Cult Member (1) by the head with his left hand! The Drakeling (Kezno) throws The Cult Member (1) by the head with his left hand!
The Cult Member (1) falls off the stage! The Cult Member (1) slams into the ground!
The Cult Member (1)'s upper body takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle and shattering the right floating ribs!
The Cult Member (1) gives into pain!

KT: Almost through the ropes, just a little bit more...
Spike: Is there another one? I hear someone else.
KT: Gaaagh!
Spike: On it!

The Drakeling (Spike) breathes fire! But The Drakeling (Kezno) dodges away from the flames!

KT: Wrong way, try again!

The Drakeling (Spike) swivels around!
The Drakeling (Spike) breathes fire! But The Cult Member (7) dodges away from the flames!

Spike: Did I hit her? I can't see!
KT: You're free! Gyaa, help me!

The rope splits and falls away! The Drakeling (Spike) is no longer pinned!

The Cult Member (7) grabs The Drakeling (Kezno) by the left upper arm with her right front hoof! The Cult Member (7) grabs The Drakeling (Kezno) by the throat with her left front hoof! The Drakeling (Kezno) is pinned!

//She looks like she wants to take him, pinning him to the ground by his neck. Did the cult member confuse us?

KT: Not... again...
Spike: Hold still.

The Drakeling (Spike) strikes at The Cult Member (7) in the lower body with his Fist of Justice, and it collapses into a lump of gore!
The Cult Member (7) has been struck down!

KT: Ho--... holy crap, it's all over the place...
Spike: Are you okay?
KT: Yeah, fine, covered in blood and intestines, but fine.
Spike: I know how that feels.

The Cult Members have been defeated!
Spike earned 1500 experience points!
Spike is now level 10!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//I help Kezno to his feet, a second after brushing the blood away from my eyes. The mess on his stomach slops off, and he wipes the rest away on the tail of the statue.
KT: That can't have been all of them.
Spike: Considering there are four more of them waiting at the end of the chamber? I doubt it.
KT: And where did that one strange unicorn go? The one overseeing the ceremony, by which I mean our abuse and murder?
Spike: I think she must have run away.
KT: Good for her. Hell, I'd run away from a performance like that.
//Performance? I'm sorry, did he see a lute and a lyre somewhere around here?
KT: When you said you were a Hero here to rescue me, I was a bit skeptical, but, crap, man, you turned two ponies into red jelly and fought off eight at the same time.
Spike: Oh, that. Uh... I probably just got lucky.
KT: If that's the type of luck you have I'm taking you straight to Mountainville as soon as this is over.
//What is that, some kind of casino and resort?
KT: (What's the plan of attack for the rest of the ponies at the end of the chamber?)
Spike: (Hmm... looks like two pegasi, an armored earth pony, and the Royal Mistress, a unicorn. The pegasi look thin, they shouldn't be much of a problem...)
//Kezno picks up one of the shinguards, turning it over in his hand.
KT: (If it helps, I used to train Spawn Scouts at disc throwing.)
Spike: (The main problem is the spellcaster. See if you can throw something at the Royal Mistress when she's trying to cast a spell, try to distract her.)
KT: (Be a lot easier if one of these ponies had a knife or something on them.)
Spike: (You think they'll give us time to search them? They haven't attacked now because the stage is a great defensive position, as soon as we step off they might jump us. I'm going to try something.)
KT: (_Try_ something? You're going to _try_ something?!)
//I walk off the stage, down the stairs, and point at the Royal Mistress in green robes. She is hiding behind the Mare in Armor.
Spike: ...
//Crap, what was I going to say?
RM: It's rude to point, you know.
KT: It's also rude to abduct people for sacrifices, so you can stuff it!
Spike: He does have a point.
MA: No, you have a point.
Cult Pegasus: No, he's point-_ing_, there's a difference.
MA: Excuse my grammar; I haven't studied it on account of the expected end of the world happening today that _he_ ruined!
KT: You're blaming him for stopping what was never going to happen anyway? I do understand you may not be in possession of the most straightforward mental faculties, because, well, _doomsday cult_, but don't blame others for your own failures.
CP: That's a misconception; we're less a doomsday cult than a rebirth cult. We don't believe the world needs to be 'destroyed to be rebuilt' as much as just reorganized!
MA: Under a banner of unquestioning and strict loyalty to our leaders.
CP: Exactly!
KT: That sure makes me feel better about being abducted and killed.
CP: Hey, _someone_ has to die for Alipheese to enter the world and it isn't going to be us.
MA: Well, it wasn't supposed to be us, at least. You kind of turned the death tables on us.
CP: But they're going to do a full three-sixty and flip back on you!
MA: So... the table of death is doing a backflip, I guess?
KT: That is honestly the worst smacktalk I have ever heard.
CP: I'll smack your talk, right out of your mouth!
//Kezno groans.
RM: Why are you pointing again?
Spike: I finally remembered what I was going to say!
RM: Thank Celestia.
//I clear my throat.
Spike: Behind you is the way out. In front of you I stand. I won't begrudge you your choice, but I will oblige you: flee or be killed.
MA: ...So, Royal Mistress? What do we do?
RM: Easy. The purple one is the real power. I will use my abilities to subdue him, and we will get two drakelings to share between us for the cost of one. Attack.
MA: As you wish.
Spike: As you wish.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

The Cult Pegasus (1) charges at The Drakeling (Spike)!
//Keep your feet moving. Not energetically or excitedly, but... calmly? Is that a thing you can do? I think so. Don't attack just yet, be patient.
The Cult Pegasus (1) attacks The Drakeling (Spike) but The Drakeling (Spike) dodges away!

The Cult Pegasus (2) charges at The Drakeling (Spike)!
The Cult Pegasus (2) attacks The Drakeling (Spike) but The Drakeling (Spike) dodges away!

The Royal Mistress points at The Drakeling (Spike) and starts to cast a spell!
The Drakeling (Kezno) throws a steel shinguard at The Royal Mistress!
The spinning steel shinguard strikes The Royal Mistress in the head, bruising the horn!
The Royal Mistress loses her spell!

KT: You've done enough magic for the day!
RM: Insolent fool!

The Mare in Armor charges at The Drakeling (Spike)!
The Mare in Armor attacks The Drakeling (Spike) but The Drakeling (Spike) dodges away!
The Drakeling (Spike) counterattacks!
The Drakeling (Spike) strikes The Mare in Armor in the lower body from the side with his Fist of Justice, shattering the spine, tearing apart the lower spine's nervous tissue, jamming the bone through the right kidney and tearing apart the right kidney!
The Mare in Armor is propelled away by the force of the blow!

The Mare in Armor slams into The Royal Mistress!
The Royal Mistress's left front leg takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle!
The Royal Mistress's right front hoof takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle and bruising the bone!
The Mare in Armor's head takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle and bruising the skull!
The Royal Mistress falls over!
The Mare in Armor gives into pain!

KT: Taste justice!
Spike: I don't have any iron on me.

The Cult Pegasus (1) kicks The Drakeling (Spike) in the head with her right rear hoof, bruising the muscle!

//Woah, almost took my head off!
Spike: See, this is why I need a helmet, so this sort of thing doesn't happen.

The Cult Pegasus (2) kicks at The Drakeling (Spike) with her left rear hoof, but The Drakeling (Spike) dodges away!
The Drakeling (Spike) counterattacks!
The Drakeling (Spike) punches at The Cult Pegasus (2) with his right hand, but The Cult Pegasus (2) flies away!

Spike: Come back here!
CP: Not a problem!

The Royal Mistress stands up.

The Cult Pegasus (1) grabs The Drakeling (Spike) by the left upper arm from behind with her left front leg! The Cult Pegasus (1) grabs The Drakeling (Spike) by the right upper arm from behind with her right front leg!
The Cult Pegasus (1) drags The Drakeling (Spike) into the air!

Spike: Wyaaugh, let go of me!
CP1: At this height? Are you sure?
Spike: Yes!
CP1: Nah, I think you'll have more fun up here.

The Cult Pegasus (2) grabs The Drakeling (Spike) by the right lower leg with her left front leg! The Cult Pegasus (2) grabs The Drakeling (Spike) by the left upper leg with her right front leg!
The Drakeling (Spike) is pinned!

The Drakeling (Spike) struggles in vain against the grip of The Cult Pegasus (1)'s left front leg on The Drakeling (Spike)'s left upper arm!
The Royal Mistress points at The Drakeling (Spike) and starts to cast a spell!

Spike: Get off of me!
CP1: That's not how it's pronounced! It's 'get me off'!
Spike: _No it isn't_!
CP2: I didn't get as many chances to drain the other captive as I would have liked, so do me a favor and give me all you've got! I want a lot!
CP1: No fair, I want some too!
CP2: Yeah, so be a good boy, and don't wear out too quickly! You've got a lot of apologizing to do!
Spike: The only sorry person in this room is you lot!

The Drakeling (Kezno) throws a steel shinguard at The Cult Pegasus (1)!
The spinning steel shinguard strikes The Cult Pegasus (1) in the left wing, bruising the muscle and shattering the bone!

CP1: Kyaaa!

The Cult Pegasus (1) releases the grip of The Cult Pegasus (1)'s left front leg on The Drakeling (Spike)'s left upper arm. The Cult Pegasus (1) releases the grip of The Cult Pegasus (1)'s right front leg on The Drakeling (Spike)'s right upper arm.
The Drakeling (Spike) slumps backwards, no longer pinned!

The Royal Mistress casts Stupefy!
The flying beam strikes The Cult Pegasus (2) in the head! The Cult Pegasus (2) is knocked unconscious!

The Cult Pegasus (1) slams into the ground!
The Cult Pegasus (1)'s right wing takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle and shattering the bone! The Cult Pegasus (1)'s upper body takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle and bruising the right lung!
The Cult Pegasus (1) gives into pain!

The Drakeling (Spike) slams into the ground!
The Drakeling (Spike)'s right lower leg takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle and tearing the scale!

The Cult Pegasus (2) slams into the ground!
The Cult Pegasus (2)'s left rear hoof takes the full force of the impact, shattering the bone!

The Drakeling (Spike) stands up.

Spike: Nice shot.
KT: One more left to make!

The Drakeling (Spike) charges at The Royal Mistress!
The Royal Mistress kicks The Drakeling (Spike) in the left lower leg with her right front hoof, tearing the scale, bruising the muscle and bruising the bone!
//See, this is why I need shinguards, so this sort of thing doesn't happen.
The Drakeling (Spike) strikes at The Royal Mistress in the upper body with his Fist of Justice, bruising the muscle, shattering the left true ribs, jamming the left true ribs through the heart and tearing apart the heart!
The Drakeling (Spike)'s right hand has lodged firmly in the wound!

Spike: Aaah! Let go of me!
RM: You're... the one... decided... cave in my chest...

The Royal Mistress speaks a word of power, forming symbols in the air!

Spike: No! You should be dead! Stop it!

The Drakeling (Spike) struggles in vain against the grip of The Royal Mistress's left true ribs on The Drakeling (Spike)'s right hand!
//I can't get away from her!
The Drakeling (Kezno) throws a small gneiss rock at The Royal Mistress! The spinning small gneiss rock strikes The Royal Mistress in the lower back molar, and the severed part flies off in an arc!

RM: May you rot...

The Royal Mistress casts the spell! A terrible sense of dread fills the room!

The Royal Mistress gives into pain! The Royal Mistress faints! The Royal Mistress collapses!

The Cult Elite have been defeated!
Spike earned 1000 experience points!
Spike is now level 11!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//I dart my eyes back and forth, checking the chamber for any happenings. Behind me, Kezno turns around, taking a step away from the statue, and then reassures all the parts of his body are still there, and functional.
KT: Uh... did that, uh, feel really weird to you?
//I take my hand out of the mare's chest cavity before snakes or maggots or roaches start crawling out of it, or some crazy crap like that.
//Hold on, what if...
Spike: Is that... is that how the rebirth thing works? Is she being reborn?
//Kezno looks me over once, trying to determine if I'm being serious.
KT: ...No. Drakelings are bound to one person at a time only. The rebirth only works for them (and only once, unless it's re-established). Infatuation stays, though.
//...I should probably know more about this stuff, even if it's not going to effect me.
Spike: ...Okay. Must be the feel of a fizzled spell.
KT: I sure hope so.
Spike: Did you see where those shinguards and helmet went to?
KT: What? You're considering looting these lunatics? Let's get out of here, the way's open right there!
Spike: The helmet and shinguards were mine in the first place.
//That's not true.
Spike: Uh, well, basically mine. Vultures keepers.
KT: They stole your things from you? That's rather low. Anything worth worrying about, or can we leave?
Spike: Nah, I didn't have any gold on me. Just a telescope that was kind of nice, a few useless books...
//'T: You know that big bag of money the mayor gave you as a reward? This is worth at least three of those, and that's just what the government would give you to take it off the market. Dragon hunters would give you at least twice that.'
KT: ...There's something else, isn't there.
Spike: If that falls into the wrong hands, it can do a lot of damage.
//Kezno walks over to me, holding out the helmet and shinguards.
KT: Then suit up, Hero. We've got a job to do.
Spike: You don't have to do anything; get out of here while you still can.
KT: If it wasn't for you, neither I nor my rebirth-mate would be alive. You rescued me for no money, no vengeance, and you didn't even know who I was, but out of the strength of your own heart risked your life for mine. I owe you at least this.
Spike: You don't owe me anything. I'm a Hero, this is what I do.
KT: Besides, if it gives me a chance at some more of those cult suckers, you'll have to pin me down to get me to stay away.
//Kezno cracks his knuckles, looking nasty.
Spike: I get it. Do you think you can make a bow and arrows from sinew and bone, from one of these ponies? The Royal Mistress maybe?
KT: Maybe, but A: I'm planning on going as far around her as possible when I leave, and B: I want to get out of here before some of the ponies start waking up or realizing their injuries aren't that bad.
Spike: Right.
//I run out, avoiding the Royal Mistress by a wide berth, Kezno hot on my heels.

//We sneak around the cave for an hour or so, exploring the various natural caverns. There's nothing at all to be found except some moldy bread and a few ragged sheets in the communal sleeping room. Eventually we return to a locked door that was skipped earlier, on account of there being no key anywhere in the cave.
Spike: (Saccr-Ulkip has to be here.)
KT: (Who?)
Spike: (Their leader. It'd make sense for her to keep everything.)
KT: (Cults are often very hierarchical, after all.)
Spike: (How are we going to break down the door?)
KT: (It's made of wood, can't you burn it down?)
Spike: (The door's probably an inch or so thick, damp around the edges because of the dirt, and we're in an unventilated area. No, I don't think I'll burn it down.)
KT: (Is this important thing something you need to have, or is it more important other people don't have it?)
Spike: (Uh, what were you planning?)
KT: (There's a river nearby, right? An underground cave with unsealed walls like this means they have to use some sort of pump or magic to keep out the water. If we block off the entrance to the cave, eventually that system will fail, and the caves will flood.)
Spike: (...I've seen Saccr-Ulkip throw huge boulders with her magic; I don't think we can block this cave off.)
KT: (Phooey.)
Spike: (If the hinges were on this side, we could unscrew them...)
KT: (What about the handle? How strong is it?)
//Kezno reaches out his hand, pulling the handle normally. He then tries the other direction.
//The door opens by a crack.
KT: ...
Spike: Don't look at me!
KT: We just spent an hour running around this damp mudhole because you couldn't be bothered to check if they installed the handle wrong.
Spike: Ponies don't have hands! Why would they have a door with a handle in the first place?!
KT: If these cultists do have a door, it's probably picked up from the reject pile, or damaged trash. And what would qualify for the reject pile? A door with the handle installed backwards!
Spike: Don't be mad because you didn't think of it earlier either.
KT: This entire day has been the most excruciating waste of time and effort.
Spike: You shouldn't forget about being abducted by the ponies.
KT: Yeah, they're wastes too.
Spike: (So, jump in on three sound good?)
KT: (Sure. One... two...)
//Three!
//Kezno kicks the door open and we leap in, ready to do battle!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

The ☼magic mechanism☼ attached to the wooden door is triggered! Two beams shoot out from the wall!
The flying beam strikes The Drakeling (Kezno) in the upper body from behind! The Drakeling (Kezno) is Charmed!
The flying beam strikes The Drakeling (Spike) in the head from the side, but the attack is deflected by The Drakeling (Spike)'s steel helmet!

Spike: Kezno! Kezno, talk to me!
//Silence, as he stands there, staring a thousand yards ahead.
Saccr-Ulkip: Hmm. It seems metal armor reflects beams of magic. Good to know.
Spike: What did you do to him?!
SU: Not important.
//Saccr-Ulkip stands in front of a desk covered in fine cloth, surrounded by a number of statues and baubles and shining trinkets. On the desk are two books, one of which is Dragon Movements in the Era of Abandonment and the other, not one of the books from my bag. The rest of them are tossed into a wastebin.
Spike: You know, not all of those books are completely useless.
SU: Are you kidding me? 'The Real Princess Hazel'? I'll just say, the words 'turgid penis' and 'tiny little barbs' belong nowhere in the biography of a political figure.
//Glad I didn't read to that part.
Spike: I mostly meant the atlas.
SU: That thing is almost as old as Canterlot itself.
Spike: (How old is the City on the Hill, anyway?)
T: (Nearly seven hundred years old by now. I think its heptcentennial is coming up in a few weeks.)
SU: But are we going to keep wasting time and words, or are you willing to listen to what I have to say?
Spike: Knowing me, probably wasting time and words.
SU: My offer is generous, as a powerful Hero with such a frightening display deserves. You--
Spike: Surrender and be your rebirth-mate, I know. Here's my counteroffer: you bleed out and I get my stuff back.
SU: I am not naive enough to offer the glory of immortality to those who refuse it categorically in my search for followers, and I am not that naive here. You will leave, never to come back, and in return I can offer to forget this great injustice you have caused me. Else, I will best you.
Spike: Your cult is broken and ceremony interrupted; you have no leveraging power and I'm not leaving without that book.
SU: Ceremony? Who cares about that silly little thing! Do you know how easy it is to convince another group of desperate suckers there's an eternal reward for them and all the world they envied will be destroyed, if they just follow me? One charm spell and a little research about dragon endocrinology and I would have finished watching them _volunteer_ themselves to pass up a chance at immortality to give it to me!
Spike: 'A little research about dragon endocrinology'?
SU: Admittedly, drakeling bonding doesn't work as I expected; it seems there were some residual effects of previous copulations on the first sacrifice that allowed him to resist total mental dominance. But, if my ears didn't fail me, you said you were a free drakeling...
//That book of migration patterns would lead her right to another drakeling if I don't defeat her now.
Spike: I won't let you rebuild your schemes and hurt more people! Prepare to be destroyed!
SU: If destroyed is what you want to call it, believe me, I am most certainly prepared...

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

SU: Puppet! Hold him!

The Drakeling (Kezno) grabs The Drakeling (Spike) by the left upper arm with his right hand!

Spike: Kezno, what are you doing?!
//His eyes are still a thousand yards away. I can't get through to him.
SU: Hah-hah, are you scared, little drakeling? Come here, I will make it all better...

Saccr-Ulkip speaks a word of power, forming symbols in the air! A book rises in the air out of the wastebasket!
Saccr-Ulkip throws the book at The Drakeling (Spike)!
The spinning book strikes The Drakeling (Spike) in the lower body, bruising the muscle!

Spike: That was a perfectly good atlas!

The Drakeling (Spike) breaks the grip of The Drakeling (Kezno)'s right hand on The Drakeling (Spike)'s left upper arm!
The Drakeling (Kezno) punches The Drakeling (Spike) in the upper body with his left hand, bruising the muscle!

Spike: Kezno! Stop! I'm on your side!

Saccr-Ulkip charges at The Drakeling (Spike)!
Saccr-Ulkip kicks The Drakeling (Spike) in the right upper leg with her left front hoof, bruising the muscle and tearing the scale!
Saccr-Ulkip collides with The Drakeling (Spike)! Saccr-Ulkip bounces backwards!

The Drakeling (Spike) punches Saccr-Ulkip in the left front hoof with his left hand, bruising the muscle and bruising the bone!

The Drakeling (Kezno) grabs The Drakeling (Spike) by the right upper arm with his right hand!
The Drakeling (Spike) struggles in vain against the grip of The Drakeling (Kezno)'s right hand on The Drakeling (Spike)'s right upper arm!

Saccr-Ulkip speaks a word of power, forming symbols in the air! A marble statue of ponies rises into the air!

Spike: Kezno! Move!
//No response.
Spike: Now!

The Drakeling (Spike) grabs The Drakeling (Kezno) by the upper body with his left foot!
The Drakeling (Spike) throws The Drakeling (Kezno) by the upper body with his left foot!
The Drakeling (Kezno) releases the grip of The Drakeling (Kezno)'s right hand on The Drakeling (Spike)'s right upper arm.

Saccr-Ulkip throws the marble statue of ponies at The Drakeling (Spike)! The Drakeling (Spike) leaps away from the spinning marble statue of ponies!
The spinning marble statue of ponies strikes the wall, crumbling into pieces! The severed parts fly off in arcs!

SU: And here I thought you two were so close.

Saccr-Ulkip grabs The Drakeling (Spike) by the upper body from behind with her right rear hoof!
Saccr-Ulkip throws The Drakeling (Spike) by the upper body with her right rear hoof!

The Drakeling (Spike) slams into The Drakeling (Kezno)!

SU: It'd be a shame if you didn't stay that way.
Spike: Kezno, you should listen to your dragon instinct! I know he's kind of a jerk, but it usually helps!
//WELL FUCK YOU TOO SPIKE.

The Drakeling (Kezno) grabs The Drakeling (Spike) by the left upper arm with his right hand!
The Drakeling (Kezno) grabs The Drakeling (Spike) by the right hand with his left hand!
The Drakeling (Spike) grabs The Drakeling (Kezno) by the left hand with his right hand!

Spike: You want to be slaves to this crazy manipulative bint?! Is that why you're fighting?!
SU: He wants what I want for him, because he is weak. And the weak singularly want to be freed from the terror of choice, the heavy burden of responsibility. It is what all pathetic ponies or dragons want. I know this well, for I have offered it to many.
Spike: I choose to think you're a monster!
SU: You think you are strong. I will show you how weak a dragon can be.

The Drakeling (Kezno) charges at The Drakeling (Spike)!
The Drakeling (Kezno) takes The Drakeling (Spike) down by the left upper arm with his right hand!
The Drakeling (Kezno) grabs The Drakeling (Spike) by the upper body with his left lower leg!
The Drakeling (Spike) is pinned!

Spike: Gah! Kezno, wait! What is this power?
SU: He is filled with the power of a dragon who finally knows what he wants. Soon, this power will fill you, too. Isn't it fitting that we should fill each other with our most valuable assets?
Spike: This isn't what you want! This is exactly what happened to you! An affront to dignity and our people everywhere!

Saccr-Ulkip grabs The Drakeling (Spike) by the left upper leg with her right rear leg! Saccr-Ulkip grabs The Drakeling (Spike) by the right upper leg with her left rear leg!

The Drakeling (Spike) breathes fire! The Drakeling (Kezno) is caught in the dragonfire! The Drakeling (Kezno)'s scales are unharmed!
//I can't get an angle; he's in the way!

Spike: Kezno! Celel! She tried to kill Celel and enslave you, to take you away from her! Look at what you're doing! What would Celel see?!
SU: Are you ready, 'Hero'? I think you should scream. I think I would like it if you screamed. Only I can hear you.

//His eyes... for the first time, I think he's looking at me.

The Drakeling (Kezno) releases the grip of The Drakeling (Kezno)'s left hand on The Drakeling (Spike)'s right hand.
The Drakeling (Kezno) punches Saccr-Ulkip in the head with his left hand, bruising the muscle, tearing the skin and shattering the fuzzy snout!

SU: Bluh!

Saccr-Ulkip releases the grip of Saccr-Ulkip's right rear leg on The Drakeling (Spike)'s left upper leg. Saccr-Ulkip releases the grip of Saccr-Ulkip's left rear leg on The Drakeling (Spike)'s right upper leg.

The Drakeling (Kezno) releases the grip of The Drakeling (Kezno)'s left lower leg on The Drakeling (Spike)'s upper body. The Drakeling (Kezno) releases the grip of The Drakeling (Kezno)'s right hand on The Drakeling (Spike)'s left upper arm.

Saccr-Ulkip speaks a word of power, forming symbols in the air! Saccr-Ulkip disappears!
Saccr-Ulkip appears at the other end of the room!

SU: What?! How?!

The Drakeling (Spike) stands up.

KT: Dragons are united by their common hatred.
SU: Of me?
KT: Of the dragon instinct.
Spike: Truth.

The Drakeling (Kezno) leaps to the side! The Drakeling (Kezno) grabs the +iron bow+ from the *statue of a snake demon* with his right hand! The Drakeling (Kezno) grabs the +iron arrows [33]+ from the *statue of a snake demon* with his left hand!

Spike: That won't work if she starts casting spells.
KT: Can you keep her from it, but still give me a shot?
Spike: On it!

Saccr-Ulkip speaks a word of power, forming symbols in the air! The desk rises into the air, books spilling off!

The Drakeling (Spike) charges at Saccr-Ulkip!
The Drakeling (Spike) punches Saccr-Ulkip in the right front leg with his left hand, bruising the muscle and bruising the bone!
The Drakeling (Spike) collides with Saccr-Ulkip!
Saccr-Ulkip is knocked over and tumbles backwards!

Saccr-Ulkip loses her spell! The desk falls to the ground, cracking in half!
Saccr-Ulkip stands up.

The Drakeling (Spike) kicks Saccr-Ulkip in the lower body from the side with his left foot, bruising the muscle and bruising the guts!

Saccr-Ulkip kicks The Drakeling (Spike) in the lower body with her right rear leg, bruising the muscle and bruising the pancreas!
Saccr-Ulkip bites at The Drakeling (Spike) in the right hand, but The Drakeling (Spike) dodges away!

The Drakeling (Kezno) lets loose an arrow from the +iron bow+! The flying +iron arrow+ strikes Saccr-Ulkip in the right rear leg, chipping the bone!
A tendon has been torn!

The Drakeling (Spike) kicks at Saccr-Ulkip in the upper body with his right foot, but the attack misses!
Saccr-Ulkip counterattacks!
Saccr-Ulkip points at The Drakeling (Spike) and starts to cast a spell! Saccr-Ulkip casts Confuse!
The beam strikes The Drakeling (Spike) in the right lower arm!

//RANDOM ENEMY USED CONFUSION! SPIKE IS CONFUSED, SCARED OF HIS SEXUAL IDENTITY! SPIKE PISSED HIMSELF IN THE CONFUSION!
//WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE ONCE FOR YOU TO TAKE ON A SPELLCASTING ENEMA -- I MEAN ENEMY, MUST BE VERBAL CONTAMINATION FROM ALL THE SHIT RUNNING THROUGH YOUR MIND -- AND NOT REQUIRE ME TO BAIL YOUR ASS OUT FROM YOUR OWN MISTAKES? IT SHOULD BE FAIRLY OBVIOUS TO YOU THAT SINCE THE FUCKING BEGINNING YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ON SOME MAGNANIMOUS HEROIC JOURNEY AS MUCH AS PASSIVELY ADMITTING YOU'D LIKE NOTHING MORE THAN A CHAIN AROUND YOUR NECK AND A PRETTY PERFECT PONY TO CROTCH-EXPLODE YOU DAILY LIKE LIVESTOCK; BUT NO, YOU AREN'T BRAVE ENOUGH TO ADMIT THAT TO YOURSELF AND YOU AREN'T BRAVE ENOUGH TO BE A HERO, EITHER. THAT'S WHY YOU DROPPED OUT AS SOON AS YOU NOTICED SOMEONE ELSE IN THE ROOM HAPPENED TO BE HALFWAY DECENT AT SOMETHING, AND DON'T GIVE ME ANY FUCKING SHIT FROM YOUR STUPID UGLY MOUTH ABOUT YOUR 'BROKEN FOOT'; YOU COULD HAVE DODGED THAT SPELL EASILY BUT NO, EVER SINCE TWO SECONDS AFTER SEEING THAT THIS BITCH WAS A) A PONY AND B) FEMALE YOU'VE WANTED TO GARGLE HER ESTROUS WATER LIKE A GOOD BOYTOY. HERE'S A SUGGESTION FOR THE GREAT COWARD OF OUR GENERATION: ENJOY YOUR BROKEN FUCKING ARM JUST LIKE YOUR BROKEN FUCKING HEAD AND DRAG YOUR PATHETIC TAIL BACK HOME UNTIL YOU DECIDE TO BE A REAL HERO. ENJOY LEARNING TO DO THINGS WITH YOUR LEFT HAND, TOO. NOT THAT, YOU CUNTBRAIN, IF YOU HAD LEARNED THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE WE WOULDN'T BE ON THIS SHITSTREAM OF AN ADVENTURE--

The spinning wooden desk strikes The Drakeling (Spike) in the right lower arm, bruising the muscle and shattering the bone!

Spike: Gaah!
KT: _Watch out_!

The Drakeling (Kezno) lets loose an arrow from the +iron bow+! The flying +iron arrow+ strikes Saccr-Ulkip in the lower body, tearing the muscle and tearing apart the intestines!
The +iron arrow+ has lodged firmly in the wound!

The Drakeling (Spike) kicks Saccr-Ulkip in the left front leg with his right foot, bruising the muscle, shattering the bone, jamming the bone through the left front knee's muscle and shattering the left front knee's bone!
Saccr-Ulkip gives into pain! Saccr-Ulkip collapses!

//Waaugh, my arm! Why does it hurt now?!
The Drakeling (Spike) collapses! The Drakeling (Spike) gives into pain!

Saccr-Ulkip points at The Drakeling (Spike) and starts to cast a spell!

Spike: Don't. You're going to die anyway; save your energy.
SU: I will take you with m--hrrrk!

The Drakeling (Kezno) grabs Saccr-Ulkip by the throat with his left hand! The Drakeling (Kezno) grabs Saccr-Ulkip by the throat with his right hand!
The Drakeling (Kezno) places a chokehold on Saccr-Ulkip's throat!

KT: Shut up, you lying, thieving, disgusting, murderous con mare!

The Drakeling (Kezno) strangles Saccr-Ulkip's throat!
Saccr-Ulkip loses her spell!
The Drakeling (Kezno) strangles Saccr-Ulkip's throat!

SU: I--ggnnnkk--
KT: Just! Die!

The Drakeling (Kezno) strangles Saccr-Ulkip's throat!
The Drakeling (Kezno) strangles Saccr-Ulkip's throat!

Spike: Can't this be done later?
KT: Later, later, after what?! She survives and hunts down another drakeling to do this to?!

The Drakeling (Kezno) strangles Saccr-Ulkip's throat!
The Drakeling (Kezno) strangles Saccr-Ulkip's throat!

Spike: Kezno, there's more important things right now!
KT: She's a rabid beast and needs to be put down!

The Drakeling (Kezno) strangles Saccr-Ulkip's throat!
The Drakeling (Kezno) strangles Saccr-Ulkip's throat!

Spike: You shouldn't be that quick to deal out death in defense.
KT: Some people have to die for the good of the world.
//He presses in deeper.

The Drakeling (Kezno) strangles Saccr-Ulkip's throat!
The Drakeling (Kezno) strangles Saccr-Ulkip's throat!

Spike: Kezno.
KT: Stop trying to stop me, Spike! This needs to happen!
Spike: I think she's already dead.

The Drakeling (Kezno) strangles Saccr-Ulkip's throat!
Saccr-Ulkip has suffocated.
The Drakeling (Kezno) strangles Saccr-Ulkip's throat!

KT: ...Yeah.

Saccr-Ulkip was defeated!
Spike earned 1500 experience points!
Spike is now level 12!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//Kezno takes his hands off of Saccr-Ulkip's throat. I grunt weakly.
Spike: Uh, Kezno? Broken arm over here.
KT: Okay, right.
//Kezno steps over and crouches down, gingerly leaning back and forth to look at my broken arm. He pokes a few places gently and I yell at him each time.
KT: Humm, a simple fracture, but... it's a good thing you're on your stomach.
Spike: Really? Why's that?
//Kezno looks around a bit, takes one of the books off the floor and lays it in front of me.
KT: Because I'm going to need more supplies than this to set it correctly.
Spike: Wait, you can't just leave me here.
KT: Why not? Got a hot date?
//Hey! Why was that sarcastic?!
Spike: ...How long will it take?
KT: A few minutes, nothing more.
//I suppose I can spare that for proper medical treatment.
Spike: If you hear a loud scream, it's because the body has turned into a flock of bats or something.
KT: Hah! I'll be sure to remember that.
//Kezno leaves. I open the book in front of me; it's not one I recognize. Really, it's more of a booklet... 'The Staying Power of A Focused Mind'? Probably trash.
//...Saccr-Ulkip's body is lying about two feet from me. It's kind of creeping me out. I try to scoot away from it, but warnings of pain in my arm shoot down that idea.
\\Why would it be creepy? It's not like you're sitting next to a rotted corpse. She's freshly dead, you can still see the blood pooling.
//It doesn't sound any better when you put it like that!
\\Uh, hello Mr. Dragon, predator animal? This is what you'd do in your normal habitat, remember? The only thing you should be feeling right now is hungry.
//Three minutes ago that was a person who spoke and did things. Now, it's a hunk of meat that doesn't. Transitioning so quickly like that... it makes my stomach churn.
\\Three minutes ago that was a pony who tried to enslave you. Now, it's a pony that isn't. Sickness is something that happens to everybody the first few times, you'll get over it.
//...I'm not sure I want to.
\\Yeah, that'll help combat; just start throwing up everywhere.
//I don't know if I want to get used to killing people left and right. How I am right now, killing Saccr-Ulkip might have been the only way. But that's because I'm not strong enough, not a powerful enough Hero to win battles without giving it everything I've got. If only I were stronger, I could...
\\Do what? You couldn't have changed anything here if she was going to fight to the death, no matter how strong you are. Some people have to die for the good of the world.
//As soon as you start thinking like that, any killing becomes permissible. A Hero--
//SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP
Spike: And I thought my arm was annoying...
//Twilight sighs.
T: Nobody has respect for books anymore.
//She picks up the atlas, folds it shut, and puts it on her back.
T: It's not the most useful atlas, no, but using it as a weapon at the expense of your other offensive options out of spite?
Spike: Twilight! Celestia, am I glad to see you.
T: You too. But she's not the only offender, that doctor thought 'hey, a book! That's a good time waster!' The anti-intellectual strain running through the contemporary populace really bothers me, you know. Don't people read books for fun anymore?
Spike: I'm not sure they ever did.
//Twilight Sparkle sighs again and sits down, fishing the books out of the wastebasket.
T: So, what's the damage? Broken arm?
Spike: Yep. Frankly, for a whole cult of ponies, a broken arm isn't too bad...
//She rolls her eyes as she takes The Real Princess Hazel out of the trash.
T: You'll be facing people who can have this cave crushed with a spell or a stomp or an order. (Or, in one particular case, kinda hoping for it.) Your standards need to be higher.
Spike: Hey, one step at a time. If I save the world at the beginning of my adventure, what do I do for the rest?
T: So, where'd your companion go?
Spike: 'Get supplies', he said. Have you heard of this book before? 'The Staying Power of A Focused Mind'?
T: Nope. Your friend must really not be an adventurer, everyone knows you loot the place before treating to non-life-threatening injuries.
Spike: It must be some little thing like 'healthy concern of a medical professional' getting to his head.
T: I mean, look at this!
//Twilight tugs a bronze chainmail vest-skirt off of an armless statue with her teeth, and piles it at my feet.
T: This could be a 'bronze chainmail of cure wounds', or whatever, and you'd have wasted all this time and effort. It's not, but it could be!
Spike: What is it then?
T: A normal chainmail vest-skirt.
Spike: How would I know, assuming I wasn't graced with your presence, that it's not a 'cursed bronze chainmail vest-skirt of constricting'?
T: Easy, get someone else to put it on. Like a sidekick.
Spike: _That's_ a Heroic solution.
T: No one likes sidekicks anyway; they always take away from the appeal of the Hero.
Spike: Hey, I don't disagree.
T: ...Read your darn book.

//The Staying Power of A Focused Mind is filled with incomprehensible flowcharts, complex body diagrams, directions written in what sounds like Middle Equestrian, and references to some other text not included with the... 'The Healing Power of Calm Meditation'? Damnit!
Spike: 'The Rock-Hard Body of an Implacable Mare, addit. kenned by Terrae Corpus, drawws strength fromme T wwide Earth itselfe...' I don't think I'm reading words anymore.
T: Terrae Corpus? I know that one; toss the book and pay attention.
Spike: I don't think I'll be able to do much with a broken arm.
T: It's not a fighter's strike, it's a meditative effect. Now, follow after me: imagine you are taking up the entire planet on your shoulders...

[Terrae Corpus] was mastered!
Spike: I feel like my scales themselves are harder!
T: This was the main technique of the jester Tim, a few hundred years into Princess Celestia's reign. He crumbled the entire capital city to the ground with it, prompting the construction of Canterlot.
Spike: Good to know... the City on the Hill has such rich history...
//Twilight fades into thin air as Kezno rounds the corner, supplies in hand.
KT: Uh, the bandanas are kind of bloody because I had to use them to get the sinews out, but there was really no other cloth to find.
Spike: I'm sure it'll be fine.
KT: We can always hope so.
//Kezno spends a few minutes using wood slats chiseled from the stakes to immobilize my arm, sinews to tighten the slats, and three green bloody bandanas to make a sling around my neck.
//I stand up and cough, probably from getting some of the blood in my mouth, poking at the chainmail with a foot.
Spike: You mind helping me try this on?
KT: How'd you get that over here? Did you crawl?
Spike: ...Yeah, sure.
//The bronze vest-skirt fits perfectly with Kezno's help.
KT: Wow, that's longer than I expected. It's not just a vest, it's a... skirtvest?
Spike: The splits in the front and back are kind of unfortunate.
KT: The back, I can understand for your tail, but the front...
Spike: ...Kind of unfortunate.
KT: So, you're all patched up. Ready to get out of here?
Spike: Uh, yeah, I've been meaning to ask you a quick question.
//Kezno licks his lips and says:
KT: Okay, what is it?
Spike: You're a doctor, right? Do you know anything about amnesia?
//He wipes his bloody hands on Saccr-Ulkip's fur and makes a thinking sound.
KT: ...Not all that much, honestly. Sorry.
Spike: Nah, it's fine. Nevermind. Let's go.
KT: Was it a friend of yours?
Spike: No. Me.
KT: ...Sorry. In the Aquinatics, you get used to just treating broken bones and flesh wounds. Anyone else is left on the battlefield to die.
//...Wow. A place like this exists in Equestria?
Spike: That's horrible.
KT: Besides, everyone's brain is abnormal up there. Else they'd find a way to leave!
//He starts up a great, sad laughter, and walks out of the room.
Spike: ...Doctors sure are weird folk.
T: Okay, Hero.
//I stagger after him, holding my broken arm still.

//We exit the caves, talking and bantering about whatever, laughing all the way into the encroaching darkness of the plains, clouds on the horizon blocking the setting sun. Our laughter stops by the time we reach Mr. Mortani's corpse.
KT: ...Didn't make it, huh.
Spike: Did you know him?
KT: Not too well, but he didn't deserve this.
Spike: The ponies with him are up the road. Did you know them?
KT: I should have known them better; they gave their lives to defend us.
//Kezno hangs his head, staring at his fists.
Spike: Don't be too sad. Think about it like this: the cult doesn't have the power to hurt anyone ever again.
KT: Yeah...
//He interweaves his fingers, still staring.
Spike: You said Mr. Mortani was a trader, right? If you don't mind me asking, what was he trading?
KT: I have no idea; he was rather secretive about it. Isn't that the wagon behind him?
//We walk over to the overturned wagon a few feet behind Mr. Mortani and Kezno unravels one of the small sacks.
//Diamonds, gemstones, rubies and sapphires of all persuasions.
Spike: H...holy crap...
KT: I never knew...
Spike: Are these...
KT: Those are red grossulars. Go ahead, have one; he won't miss it.
//I pop the red grossular in my mouth and bite down
//HO MY FUCK, WHAT IS THIS? IF THIS IS THE RESULT OF YOUR MORONIC ESCAPADES THEN SHIT, _TOTALLY_ _FUCKING_ _FORGIVEN_, MAN. IT'S LIKE I'M DRINKING STRAIGHT FROM CELESTIA'S --
//Okay, that guy can stop talking now.
KT: Whoa! I didn't mean it like that, are you okay?
//Why am I on the ground?
//I stand up.
Spike: Yeah, fine, it wasn't what I was expecting.
KT: Crap, I guess not! I meant, you know, take it and probably sell it off to someone later, but if it makes you that happy do whatever suits you!
//Kezno takes the biggest bag of gemstones and hands it to me, then takes the second biggest and ties it around his waist.
Spike: Isn't this stealing?
KT: Nope; vultures keepers. I need a source of income in case I can't find any work where I'm going and you -- you're a Hero, enjoy the spoils of victory. May it be full of grossulars.
Spike: Uh, okay, I suppose.
//I stow the bag next to the books, fitting it in neatly on top of Dragon Movements in the Era of Abandonment.
KT: Well, Spike, this is the time I take my leave of you.
//He holds out his hand. I give him a hug.
KT: Uh, okay.
Spike: What I told Celel was -- condensed version -- 'go to Forlegsandria, find a dragon named Jebed because she might help you find work, which might be as a dragon medic for the city guard'. I guess the same applies to you, and I told her I'd send you the same way.
KT: Thank you. Thank you, so much.
Spike: You don't ever need to repay me for this, as long as I can ask one thing of you: when Celel has her clutch, raise them to love and laugh and explore the world around them, and to be friends with whoever they can. Tell them not to miss out on some of the world's most interesting and amazing people simply because they're pony or dragon.
KT: What about snake demons?
//I laugh.
Spike: Can probably tell them to avoid those. Kelpies too, while you're at it.
KT: Of course, I will do that for you. But before I leave, I have a few things I'd like to say as well.
//Oh?
KT: First off: never stop believing in yourself, and don't always listen to what your dragon instinct tells you. He can be wrong, and I think he is; you got into the Hero business for the right reasons and you're much stronger, inside or out, than I could ever be. You're a good kid, and you're going to help a lot of people. Ignore his crap about 'gargling estrous water' or whatever, that sounds like it's out of The Real Princess Hazel anyway.
Spike: Excuse me?
KT: Uh, the spell. When she hit you with the confuse spell, you started shouting out. It was pretty obviously the dragon instinct.
T: (Awk-ward...)
Spike: Celestia's wings, please don't judge me because of that ass...
KT: Don't worry, I have him too, I understand. Secondly...
//Kezno takes a slip of paper from the wagon and writes something on it with charcoal, folds it in half, and hands it to me.
KT: I want you to read that, when I'm far away. It's nothing bad, just something I thought you should know.
Spike: O...kay?
KT: And thirdly -- you said I never need to pay you back, but if you're ever in the Forlegsandria area in the future, Celel and I would love to see you. I'll let Jebed know if we go anywhere. And if you ever need help on something -- anything, no matter what it is -- I'm there. That's a promise.
Spike: I appreciate it, Kezno; it's good to know I have friends like you.
KT: It's good to know there are people like you in this world, Spike. I'll never forget what you've done for me today. Goodbye to you, Spike, a real true Hero! May the weather be kind in your travels!
Spike: May the cultists be kind in yours!
//Kezno laughs as he is running off. I watch him for a little while, then something clicks. I yell:
Spike: Why are you still carrying the bow?!
//He yells back:
KT: This world isn't safe for a drakeling! You know that! Good luck!
//He fades into the distance, nothing more than a speck.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//I turn around and keep walking on the road. A lot of time has been lost, but a Heroic deed has been Done, and Justice delivered. I wonder if the bag has any more red grossulars...
//Twilight pops into existence next to me in a burst of scentless air, carrying two drinks by a handle in her mouth.
T: Sho? Wossit shay, wossit shay, wossit shay?
//She starts levitating the drinks alongside her, spitting out the handle.
Spike: Isn't that littering?
T: Biodegradable. What's the paper say?
//I unfold it and try to read the smudged charcoal. Twilight provides some light with her horn.
Spike: ...'You don't have to worry about the cultists getting revenge'. Good to know, but what's that mean?
T: It means he killed them all.
Spike: What?!
//I turn around, looking at the horizon. Kezno Telekom can't be seen at all.
T: When he left the room with the bow and arrow, and was gone for about half an hour. You really bought the line about the bandanas?
Spike: Why would he not tell me?
T: Because you're a Hero, and your entire job is to face hardship and difficulty and people who want to kill you, so having a crazed ex-cultist hunting you down because you kept your strict moral code is acceptable to you. Kezno is a doctor, with a wife and soon to be kids. He's not going to risk their lives or his over a moral code he may not even abide by, and he doesn't need for you to make him feel guilty over it.
Spike: Still... it doesn't feel right to me.
T: It shouldn't. People are willing to kill and maim others blindly in order to protect themselves and their kin. You're a Hero because you're different.
Spike: If two groups think their kin's lives are in danger from the other, when does the violence stop?
T: When a certain dragon comes in and punches someone's lower body into mush. You killed ponies today as well.
Spike: ...Yeah. But I killed ponies in combat, where it's hard to control how much damage you do if you still want to win the fight. Killing someone after the fight's over, when they're laying there, and defenseless, is...
T: You don't have to like it, but you should understand why people do it.
//Twilight floats a drink in front of her and sucks from the straw.
Spike: What's that?
T: ...Hay smoothie.
Spike: Where'd you get a hay smoothie?
//Her eyes look at whatever happens to be the opposite direction from me.
T: Canterlot.
Spike: Canterlot?!
T: Evil cult bosses aren't the only ponies with teleport spells.
//My mind reels.
Spike: You teleport to Canterlot for a hay smoothie... and I'm _walking_, to the Aquinatics...
T: Your quest, your problems. But if it makes you feel any better, I got you this.
//The second drink floats out in front of me, a vial of golden liquid. I grab it with my left hand.
Spike: What is it?
T: This is the reason you loot. Not looting until you've been restored to some semblance of health, understandable, but not looting at all? Unforgivable, for any adventurer! You should be thankful I looked over the baubles and trinkets for you; it was in there.
Spike: So... what is it?
T: Potion of heal wounds.
Spike: Do I like, rub it in, or...?
T: No, just drink it.
//I hesitate, then drink the potion. It tastes like wood. The various cuts, sealed by dragonfire or open, and every bruise on my body all fade away into health. My arm and foot feel funny...
//I take my right arm out of the sling and move my hand. It feels just like normal, and the ache is gone from my foot.
Spike: This is amazing!
T: It's not bad.
//I shed both dressings and leave them on the side of the road.
T: Only a couple a years ago you would see adventurers carrying it by the gallons. (One person, if I remember right, made an IV for it.) But the alchemists who knew the recipe, and the adventurer demand for it, aren't around anymore.
Spike: What happened to them?
T: Princess Celestia disappeared.

//On the road, passing over another few rivers and finally getting our bearings when I trade a traveling merchant (fence) for a brown hooded cloak and a more recent map. He scrambles off quickly, hiding the gem (quartz; tastes like grass) in one of the many folds of his baggy robes. I pull my cloak tighter around my shoulders; it's whipping about madly up here.
Spike: I wonder if I can tie the cloak to my legs or something...
T: This is the Hill of the Wind Giant. There's not actually a Wind Giant, people just call it that because it was named before geographic wind patterns were mapped out.
Spike: Good to know the omnidirectional wind isn't magical.
T: It's a common ambush point for those entering the Valley of Death because scents can't be followed and noises are drowned out. Be on your guard.
//Twilight's image wisps away, torn to dust by the wind.
Spike: Good to know.
//I continue walking on, wind swirling in every direction, eyes open for danger. Munching on an amethyst (wheat, but not bad), I hear something on a lazy wind coming from the east.
Female Voice: Hoho, it looks like today we are in luck. That Avatar must be smiling upon us. Your eyes are keen, Domariv, and you have done well.
Deep Male Voice: Thank you, milady.
FV: It looks bipedal, and not terribly large. Are you able to estimate its body mass, Domariv?
DMV: Wiry, milady, with no traces of baby fat on the face. If Domariv were to estimate its racial attributes and age, Domariv would wager drakeling, milady.
//I pull the hood a little tighter around my head. Though the voices are coming from the east wind, that's no reason they must be from the east...
FV: Drakeling? Hoho, Domariv, you have done well indeed...
//Pretending I don't hear, I take a gemstone from the bag and nibble at it. Hey, not bad!
DMV: Milady, it has appeared the subject has pulled a stone from his bag.
FV: Stone? Nonsense, Domariv, I know a gem when I see one. You have done very well, Domariv; you are well on your way towards gaining your freedom. Today will be a profitable day indeed...
//The voices fade away into the wind, and for a minute I trudge along, spotting nothing. Remembering the gem in my hand, I pop it in my mouth
//CELESTIA'S FUCKWINGS BOY LOOK WHAT YOU'RE EATING BEFORE YOU PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH; YOU NEED TO _PREPARE_ FOR THE DROOLING DEMENTIA CAUSED BY RED GROSSULARS INSTEAD OF PRESENT IN YOUR DAILY MENTAL STATE!

The Drakeling falls to the ground!
The flying -copper trident- strikes the brown cloak, tearing through the cloth!
The flying -copper trident- strikes the earth! The -copper trident- has lodged firmly in the earth!
//The trident flashes, discharging into the ground! The holes it tore through the cloak are set aflame!
Spike: Yaah!
//I tear the cloak away, ripping three gashes in the cloth. The wind puts the flame out quickly.

The Drakeling stands up.

//Following the chain attached to the trident into the air, I spot a large musclebound pegasus, holding in his hooves a small earth pony with a contraption on her back!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

FV: It appears I have missed.
DMV: Good luck is impermanent, milady.
Spike: What the hell are you doing, are you crazy?!

//The earth pony reels in the trident with her contraption.

FV: I am the famous Forever Valiant, dragon hunter extraordinaire.
Spike: I've never heard of you, and you kind of look like a loon.
FV: Prey should be quiet.
Spike: It's never stopped any pony I met.
FV: Silence! Domariv, set us down.

//Forever Valiant is thrown a few yards behind me, and Domariv slams into the road just a few feet ahead.
//Celestia, is that a big pony.

FV: I don't want to waste time or energy, so you should surrender. Everything will be easier that way.
Spike: Strange, I was going to offer you the same deal. I mean, you know why 'dragon hunter' is a meaningful title at all? Because it's the opposite of the way things normally are.
FV: Domariv, crush him. I will teach him better than to speak that way to me.

The Pegasus charges at The Drakeling!
The Pegasus attacks The Drakeling, but The Drakeling dodges away!
The Drakeling counterstrikes!
The Drakeling strikes The Pegasus in the upper body with his Dashing Rogue Punch, bruising the muscle!
The Pegasus rushes by The Drakeling!
//This pegasus is solid, but there's no spellcaster, so as long as I can work on him for a while it should be straightforward...

The Drakeling kicks The Pegasus in the right rear leg from behind with his left leg, bruising the muscle and bruising the skin!
//Darn, the wind is making it hard to get a good strike in. It might not be as easy as I thought.

The Pegasus kicks The Drakeling in the lower body with his left rear leg, bruising the muscle through the bronze vestskirt!

The Mare charges her -copper trident-, readying for another throw!

The Pegasus bites The Drakeling in the left lower leg, but the attack is deflected by The Drakeling's steel shinguard!
The Drakeling punches The Pegasus in the head with his left hand, bruising the muscle!

The Drakeling strikes at The Pegasus with his Dashing Rogue Punch but The Pegasus dodges away!

The Mare throws her -copper trident- at The Drakeling! The Drakeling leaps away from the flying -copper trident-! The flying -copper trident- strikes the earth! The -copper trident- has lodged firmly in the earth!
//SNAP!
The -copper trident- discharges into the earth!
//Wearing metal armor might not have been the best idea.

The Pegasus kicks The Drakeling in the left lower arm with his right rear hoof, bruising the muscle and bruising the bone!
The Drakeling punches The Pegasus in the lower body with his right hand, bruising the muscle and bruising the guts!

The contraption reels in the -copper trident-! The Mare charges her -copper trident-, readying for another throw!

The Pegasus grabs The Drakeling by the right lower leg with his left front leg!
The Pegasus takes down The Drakeling by the right lower leg!
//Being thrown down takes the wind out of me. The armor certainly didn't make falling less painful...

FV: Keep him there, Domariv.
DMV: Yes, milady.

//Crap! Metal armor, electric trident, ground next to my head! Bad news for an unfried brain.
The Drakeling struggles in vain against the grip of The Pegasus's left front leg on The Drakeling's right lower leg!
The Drakeling tries to stand up, but The Pegasus is in the way!
//Maybe that technique I just learned? 'Take up the earth on your shoulders'? Will that even do anything?

The Drakeling breathes in and focuses, casting Terrae Corpus! The Drakeling's scales become as hard as rock!

The Mare throws her -copper trident- at The Drakeling! The -copper trident- strikes The Drakeling in the right upper arm, but the attack glances away!
//SNAP!
The -copper trident- discharges into The Drakeling's scale! The Drakeling's scale discharges into the earth!
//Hey, I didn't feel a thing!

FV: He should be subdued now. You have done well, Domariv, and with today's profitable venture you are well on your way towards buying back your freedom from me.
DMV: Should Domariv fetch the restraints, milady? This one is strong and will sell well on the market.
FV: ...No, he is a healthy young specimen. I will keep him for my own. Prepare him for mounting.
DMV: Yes, milady.

The Drakeling grabs The Pegasus by the left front leg with his left hand! The Drakeling grabs The Pegasus by the left front leg with his right hand!

DMV: Stop resisting.

The Pegasus kicks The Drakeling in the left upper arm with his right front leg, shattering the scale!
//Woah, this Terrae Corpus stuff is powerful; that would have broken my arm!

The Drakeling throws The Pegasus by the left front leg!
The Pegasus's right front leg skids along the ground, bruising the muscle and tearing the skin!
The Pegasus's head skids along the ground, bruising the muscle and tearing the skin!
An artery has been opened by the blow!
The Pegasus's lower body skids along the ground, bruising the muscle and bruising the left kidney!
The Pegasus's left wing skids along the ground, bruising the muscle and bruising the bone!
The Pegasus slams into the ground!

Spike: He says stop resisting, but I'm the one playing police. Go figure.
FV: Don't make me hit you again!
Spike: See, I'd point out how much your dialogue sounds like a rapist, but there's a funny thing about that...

The Drakeling grabs the -copper trident- by the middle prong with his left hand!
The Drakeling grabs the -copper trident- by the handle with his right hand!

The contraption reels in the -copper trident-!
//I'm pulled to my feet and stumble forward, then stick in the ground, stopping the trident.
The contraption charges the -copper trident-! The -copper trident- discharges into The Drakeling's scale! The Drakeling's scale discharges into the earth!

FV: Why are you not dead yet?!
Spike: Healthy eating habits and exercise?
T: (Says the dragon who ate twenty gemstones in one day.)
Spike: (Hey, I had to try one of each.)
T: (And destroy several lifetimes of wealth in the process.)
FV: This charge should fry you!
Spike: That's what I'm talking about; fried food is unhealthy.
FV: Shut up! Give me the trident back!

//I flip the trident backwards to tie the chain around the middle prong.

Spike: Sure.
//The trident flies back at Forever Valiant, but halfway the contraption stops pulling and the trident clatters to the ground.
FV: You honestly thought that would work?
Spike: You know, I really did.
FV: Hohohoho, lapses of intelligence like that are the reason ponies are the dominant species in Equestria, and not dragons.
Spike: It must be that, and not the fact that ponies want to mount every single thing with a pulse they stumble across.
FV: Ah... dragons are so dim; they never see it coming.
Spike: Oh, and here I say 'See what coming?' like a stooge, setting me up for a clever--

The Pegasus charges at The Drakeling!
The Pegasus headbutts The Drakeling in the upper body from behind, denting the scale through the bronze vestskirt!
The Pegasus collides with The Drakeling! The Drakeling is knocked over and tumbles forwards!
The Pegasus rushes by The Drakeling!

//New downside to being hard as rock: slamming into the ground facefirst, while a good way to avoid damage, makes you pick the shattered cobblestone out of your teeth.

The Drakeling stands up.

Spike: Okay, _rude_, I was talking. Setting me up for a clever quip where at the end of my impending defeat you say, 'that'.
FV: What... what power is this, Domariv?
DMV: Domariv does not know, milady.
Spike: (All my enemies keep asking me to get rock hard and when I finally do they're disappointed.)
DMV: But Domariv does know no power in this natural world can be his defeat.

The Pegasus kicks The Drakeling in the head with his right front hoof, but the attack is deflected by The Drakeling's steel helmet!

Spike: Ooo, I've got one: 'tell that to the wind'!

The Drakeling grabs The Pegasus by the left wing with his right hand! The Drakeling throws The Pegasus in the air by the left wing!
The wind grabs The Pegasus by the left wing! The wind throws The Pegasus by the left wing!

The Pegasus slams into The Mare!
The Pegasus's upper body takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle!
The Mare's head takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle and tearing apart the upper spine's nervous tissue!
The Mare falls over!
The Pegasus slams into the ground!

Spike: (Come on, that was pretty slick.)
T: (Hero, not comedian. How'd you do that?)
Spike: (Uh, luck, I guess.)
T: (Yes, I have noticed more of it recently.)
FV: My... my neck! My neck is broken!
Spike: Couldn't have the decency to tear your larynx as well?
T: (Hey, you've been reading that pony anatomy book I gave you!)
Spike: (What were my other choices? Cat sex?)
FV: You, you fool! Look at what you've done to me! I'll have you killed!
Spike: There are five thousand drakelings in the Greater Aquinatic Region, and my only distinguishing characteristic is that I'm purple. Best of luck with that.
FV: ...You're right. I have been defeated. Please, if you would spare me, at least give me this: what is the name of the dragon who has finally defeated me?
Spike: Oh, my name's Twilight Sparkle. Nice to meet you!
T: (Spike!)
Spike: (Shh! She might hear!)
FV: Hohohoho, do you think me a fool?! What dragon would name their child that?! Answer me truthfully!
T: (You _jerk_!)
Spike: I swear, I'm telling the truth!
//Domariv approaches. He looks at me, blood pouring down his face from the gash in his head, and glances briefly at where Twilight's voice is coming from.
DMV: Hello, my new master. I am Domariv.
Spike: What?
FV: What?
T: (Huh?)
DMV: Hero, Domariv is bound to this mare by a life debt. It is his duty to do anything she wills until Domariv has served her to her satisfaction or saved her life.
Spike: Yeah, she did seem the slaver type.
DMV: On behalf of Forever Valiant's life and his own, Domariv surrenders and asks you for mercy. Such a gift, of both her life and his, could only place Domariv fully in life debt to you.
//Domariv bows his head.
FV: What?! You can't be in life debt twice! You owe me!
Spike: So... by asking me for mercy for the both of you--
DMV: --I would be saving her life.
Spike: And be freed from her?
FV: No!
DMV: Yes.
Spike: Sure; why the hell not?
DMV: Forever Valiant, by saving your life, I declare my life debt to you paid in full.
FV: I knew, I knew, I knew never to trust someone like you; they always trick and trap people in the stories and I knew...
Spike: Uh... is she being racist?
DMV: Unimportant. As of now, I am in life debt to you, Hero. What do you will?
Spike: Hmm...
T: (Choose wisely, Spike. This is someone's life you're thinking about.)
Spike: Got any gems on you?
DMV: None.
//I shrug.
Spike: I dunno, I guess you're free, then.
DMV: You would have me do nothing? Not even -
//He gestures to Forever Valiant
DMV: - bring her sequentially in front of every worldly possession she ever owned, every tool of power she ever wielded and every ear whose attention she ever held and see them all lost to her?
Spike: ...
DMV: Because I can do that.
FV: No! Please, Celestia, no!
Spike: Yeah, sounds good, just donate it all to charity or something. That way she can't use it to hurt anyone in the future.
DMV: Your will be done.
//Forever Valiant screams. The wind streaks at their visages, drawing out long tails of color before they both fade away.
Spike: ...What kind of magic was that?
T: None of this world.

The Dragon Hunters were defeated!
Spike gained 2000 experience points!
Spike is now level 13!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//Nighttime falls early on the Valley of Death. I approach a wooden gate that closes the road through the small village, noting that there is no wall around the village otherwise and the gate is ten feet wide. I could walk right around it; who were they trying to stop, the world's dumbest bandits?
T: (Hey, Spike, I have an appointment with a, good... friend, and it's important because I, you know, it's one of those... ah, hell, I don't need an excuse. I'll be gone for a while, you should find somewhere to spend the night. See you later.)
Spike: ('Kay?)
Gatekeeper: Evenin', young master. It's not often we see a dragon roun' these parts. What's your business in Longbridge?
//I guess I'll stay until the morning. It'll be nice to sleep in an actual bed for once.
Spike: Evening, gatekeeper. I'm looking for a place to pass the night, can you tell me which inns have the pillows with the least lumps in them?
//The gatekeeper chuckles.
Gatekeeper: There be only one inn 'ere in Longbridge, trav'lah, and I'll point you right to it. Let me get this rusty thing 'ere...
//The rusted gate swings open on squeaky hinges, revealing a wrinkled old gatekeeper with more legs than teeth.
Gatekeeper: There you are, it's down and to the left, only building that's lit. Farmers are comin' in for the night, them others are just leavin', so you might still see a few. Don't mind them.
Spike: 'Others'?
Gatekeeper: Oh, yah. Big ponies with dark suits and far away eyes. Arrived a few months ago, now. But their coin's good and they do us no harm, so we don' mind. Off you go!

//The inn, Longbridge Nights (someone has scrawled 'if you know what I mean' under the sign), is the only building in the village that doesn't look torn out of a shanty town; the carpenter must have learned about right angles fairly late into his career. But it's warm and it's loud and it's a place to sleep.
//There are quite a few ponies here. I pull my hood up.
Pony Playing With His Mouth: Bood, bood, bobobo...
Other Pony At Table: Shut up, Pepwhem, you're drunk.
Barkeep: 'Lo, little master. Place is made o' wood, I'd like t' remind ya.
//What's that supposed to mean?
Spike: So?
Barkeep: Just 'opin' you'll be careful an' leave an ol' stallion his house and home. We don' happen' to have any meat around, so, what's your poison?
//I spill a few coins (fence) on the counter, and mutter:
Spike: Whatever's cheapest.
Barkeep: Comin' up.
//The barkeep puts a drink in front of me. Dragons are omnivorous, but he's not worth correcting.
Agitated Yuppie: I cannot believe you won that hand.
//I collect an empty glass from a vacant barscape next to me and angle it with mine to get a reflection. In a populated table behind me, a pony is collecting her earnings.
Hand Winner: Hehehaha *snort* hehehaha, sorry! Looks like you'll have to buy in again!
AY: Why would you raise on a flop of king-king-ace with two-seven offsuit?
HW: I wanted to confuse you into defeat?
AY: _That's not how you play the game_!
HW: Sorry, Rarity, I'm not very good at poker. Should I lose more?
Rarity: You have a very odd knack for succeeding at tasks for which you have no training, no experience and exceedingly small reason to succeed. Let's see, what was that called again?
//The pink one gasps.
Pinkie Pie: I swear, as my name is Pinkie Pie, in the name of Her Royal Hazelness, that I would never use my kooky-spooky luck powers in a friendly competition!
//The dealer, an aging bar maid, collects the cards and deals again.
OPAT: Pepwhem. Don't eat the cards.
PPWHM: Hihihihisss... hihihihisss...
//The dealer throws out three cards, and Pepwhem continues hissing.
Third Pony At Table: Celestia, can't you get him to shut up?
OPAT: Don't use that language around me, or I'll tear your mouth out through your ass!
TPAT: Your 'sweet, loving' Celestia was nothing more than a successful con and a tool to keep savages in line!
OPAT: Wanna bet on it?! All in!
TPAT: Call!
Pinkie Pie: (How do you bet on the divinity of Princess Celestia?)
Rarity: (With a deitometer?)
//The dealer turns over the last two cards, one of the ponies shouts out in joy. They settle back down.
//I take a sip of the drink, and put it back down.
Spike: Hey, Barkeep. Try again; this time hold the turpentine.
//My glass is taken away and a new hand is dealt.
R: (Although I'd imagine a deitometer would give a lot of false readings.)
PP: (Ooh, a double entendre!)
TPAT: So, you really believe that a big white horse with a cheap crown and fancy shoes could be the earthy manifestation of Celestia?
OPAT: You don't? That alicorn lived for more'n a thousand years. Explain _that_.
TPAT: Magic.
OPAT: Magic can't do that. I got a cousin, distant relative, lives in Canterlot, says he hears unicorns talkin' about it all the time. Magic and death is two different things, separate. Y'ain't supposed to be muckin' about combining them.
TPAT: 'Course y'ain't, it'd cut in on the con mare's business.
OPAT: Play your cards, Lou.
PP: I'm proud of you, Rarity. You haven't complained once about all the grime and dirt in here!
R: When you invited me to play poker I had imagined it would be in Mountainville, not... er, wherever we are. It's cleaner, in one sense of the word, and the refreshments are certainly more appetizing.
PP: (We try and get our maids before the three kids and wrinkles, too!)
R: (Hohoho, that's mean, stop it!)
//Another hand is dealt out in relative silence.
OPAT: An', an', I mean, look at what happen' when she ain't here, see? That new Princess, you know, uh, wossername--
PP: Hazel?
OPAT: No, the one before that, the uh, wossit, the short one--
//The dealer points her hoof at him and says:
Dealermaid: Sparkle!
OPAT: Yeah, thassit! Princess Twilight Sparkle!
//What?! Princess Twilight Sparkle?!
//SHE WAS A HUGE FAILURE. BITCH STILL IS.
//Man, I'm glad she's not here now...
//Rarity rolls her eyes.
R: Oh, yes, _her_. What about her?
//Pinkie Pie shrinks away from the conversation, eying Rarity.
R: I suppose you're going to say, 'If Celestia were not a goddess, it would be possible for another pony to rule Equestria'. And cite as your counterexample Twilight Sparkle, most notably how she went and got herself _rent in twain_ by a dragon only several days after she ascended to the throne.
//Uh... Twilight is kind of not rended (is it really rent?) in twain. I don't know who Rarity's talking about, but it can't be the Twilight I know.
R: What you must realize is that Princess Celestia had hundreds of years of experience under her belt that allowed her to rule effectively. The disappearance of Celestia happened, what? Less than two months after Princess Sparkle's--
//She spits those words--
R: --Coronation ceremony? At the time of her untimely death, the poor Princess barely understood the use of her wings, nevermind the political machinations of a territory the size of Equestria! Her death is no counterexample.
//So, either there's a Twilight Sparkle out there who was a Princess of Equestria, died a year and a half ago, had wings, and the Twilight Sparkle I know is a completely different one... or something fishy is up. And I smell scales.
TPAT: There's a pony who knows what she's talkin' 'bout!
//Real scales this time, not feathers.
R: I will say, though, that Hazel is a far better ruler than Twilight could ever be.
PP: (That was... different than I was expecting?)
//Another hand is dealt out, again in relative silence. Everyone seems to be digesting Rarity's words.
\\They kind of make me feel sick.
R: (I have disagreements with Twilight for the right reasons, Pinkie Pie. We're still friends.)
PP: (Are you sure?)
//Rarity takes winnings for her hand, won with a pair of twos.
PP: So... do you ever wonder...--
R: Not really, no. Information that will influence the future can always be determined and information that will not is not worth the mental effort. One learns, Pinkie Pie, not idly wonders.
PP: Rarity, it was a leading question? I was going to ask you about--
R: Hmm, Pinkie Pie, what creature would you consider my recent behavior?
PP: Uh... 'wailing banshee'?
R: My _poker_ behavior, my play. I feel like a whale right now.
PP: Nonsense; your figure is as stunning as ever, Rarity!
R: Hoho, stop.
//These are the Avatar of Luck and the Avatar of Avarice? Why are they normal people, and Rainbow Dash a crazy thug?
//Wait, nevermind; the Avatar of Avarice also tried to assault me. I guess it's inevitable the Avatar of Luck will, too. Honestly, I'm still thinking about what they said about Twilight...
PPWHM: Yuan-ti, yuan-ti, yuan-ti...
TPAT: What'd you say about my auntie?! Pepwhem I'll kill you!!
//The pony shatters a dirty glass against the side of the table as two others try to restrain him.
PP: Maybe we can talk about this some other time.
R: It does seem like a good time to leave.
//The two Avatars touch a gem (bismuth crystal) sewn into the Avatar of Avarice's dress, and disappear. I pull my hood up as a sudden gust of wind streams out the door.
Spike: Barkeep, got any open rooms?
Barkeep: Just one, an' don' expect much out of it.
Spike: I really wasn't.

//He really meant it when he said not to expect much. One small bed, a broken window, a door that gets stuck shut, and standing room only. I sigh, put down the bookbag, and start taking off armor.
//I'MMA STOP TIME FOR HALF A MOMENT TO GIVE YOU SOME ACTUAL FUCKING ADVICE. AND NO, NOT ACTUAL FUCKING ADVICE, FUCKING ACTUAL ADVICE. SHIT, WHAT DOES IT MATTER.
//Huh? You're actually being helpful for once? Why am I a little bit skeptical?
//HAH FUCKING HAH NOW LISTEN. EVERYTHING YOU'VE HEARD UP TO THIS POINT YOU NEED TO KEEP IN YOUR LITTLE FUCKING HEAD AND PUCKER YOUR ASS SO TIGHT NONE OF THAT SHIT COMES OUT, HEAR? RULE ONE OF NOT BEING 'MANGLED IN THE MACHINE LIKE A GEAR THAT TWISTS AWAY', YOU IGNORE EVERYTHING YOU'VE HEARD ABOUT TWILIGHT SPARKLE TODAY UNTIL I TELL YOU TO. OR YOU FUCKING DIE. UNDERSTAND?
//...Why are you telling me this? Is what I heard today really true? Twilight's my friend, she--
//FRIENDS ARE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER. RULE TWO OF NOT DYING: IF I TELL YOU TO SAY SOMETHING TO HER, SAY IT. SHE'S DANGEROUS ENOUGH YOU NEED MY HELP, SO DON'T FUCK THIS UP. NOW OR IN THE FUTURE.
//...I'm not sure I really trust you.
T: Wow, you're really doing well for yourself.
//Twilight is standing in the hallway, holding the door open with a hoof.
T: Uh, mind if I... come in?
Spike: Who are you asking, me or the laws of physics?
T: I left my cloak in Canterlot, but I won't be staying long anyway.
//She closes the door and steps in. My back presses up against the window and one of my legs is up on the cot; there's hardly breathing room.
Spike: The one that magically disguises who you are? Who are you hiding from?
T: Hiding? I'm not hiding! Who says I'm hiding from someone?
Spike: Well, I just did. And your overreaction. So, two people of the both of us.
T: ...It's not heinous to ask for a little privacy. I compartmentalize different aspects of my life, and you -- everything we do together is one of them. Which is why I was so mad you told a random encounter my full name!
//To be fair, if I'm allowed to choose which random encounters become recurring enemies, the one with the broken spine isn't a terrible choice...
T: That isn't something you do to a friend! We learned better than this.
Spike: Yeah, and I lost my memory. In case you forgot.
T: Spike, you lost your memory, not your empathy. Or your friends.
Spike: Apparently I did, because I can't find them anywhere. I have a feeling no dragon in the Aquinatics is going to know me.
//Twilight pushes her head forward, bangs bobbing.
T: Because you've been looking for them in the wrong places! The people who knew you best are right in front of you!
//Does Twilight have a multiple personality disorder, or is there someone invisible behind her?
T: Spike, I practically _raised_ you. And Fluttershy, Rarity, even Rainbow Dash -- they were our closest friends for years!
//Raised me? Were we really that close? What happened to my parents?
Spike: Rainbow Dash? Somehow I doubt she felt as close as you're saying.
T: ...Okay, she's changed a little since then. We all have. But whether or not you consider us your friends, we've all been closer to you than any dragon in the world.
Spike: Uh... Twilight?
//Not literally, I hope.
//Ignoring me, Twilight continues:
T: And you don't just up and abandon friends and ponies who are close to you like that!
//CELESTIA DID IT
//What I want to say is 'Twilight, if you could intimidate Rainbow Dash, an unknown dragon hunter nobody is never going to challenge you', but what I say is:
Spike: Sorry.
T: I accept your apology, Spike. But you need to learn how to be a better friend, and you're not going to do that unless you want to. Is that clear?
Spike: Clear as crystal.
//In a somber tone, she mutters downwards:
T: Crystals scratch, Spike.
//THEY MELT TO DRAGONFIRE, TOO. GO ON, FUCKING SAY THAT, DIG THE FUCKING KNIFE IN FURTHER. SAY THEY MELT.
Spike: They melt to dragonfire, too.
//Twilight snaps her head up and stares at me. Is she forcing back tears?
T: ...I'm... disappointed that you would say that, Spike...
//Damnit, why do I listen to the dragon instinct?
//YEAH HOW'S THAT FEEL YOU CUNT, HOW DO YOUR OWN FAILURES FEEL
//Celestia, this guy's just a bully.
//YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH MORE I AM THAN THAT.
//...Maybe I have been a bad friend. I mean, Twilight's gone all this way and taught me so much, and I haven't done anything at all to repay her, or even show that I appreciate it...
Spike: I'm really sorry, Twilight. I shouldn't say things like that. I've probably been a terrible travel partner.
//She sniffs, once.
T: Hey, don't say that.
Spike: But it's true! I can't possibly begin to repay you for all the times you bailed my ass out.
//I COULD COUNT YOUR INDEPENDENT SUCCESSES ON ONE FUCKING BIT
Spike: I mean, I still want to go to the Aquinatics. I want to see what kind of hardships my people have been through. If I can take some suffering off them myself, I have to do that as a Hero.
T: What kind of hardships, eh...?
//Twilight looks off somewhere, gears turning.
Spike: But I'd be no sort of Hero if I just took advantage of your generosity without even a thanks or repayment. So, thank you, Twilight. I really do owe you one.
//Twilight holds a hoof to her chin, thinking for a moment. A wide, warm smile appears.
T: Hah, you know, maybe you _do_ owe me something, Spike!
//Never indebt yourself to the genie, come on. What are you, an idiot?
T: Hmm, that might be a problem, though.
Spike: What? What might be a problem?
T: I just don't really know what you would owe me. Nothing's coming out recently for books, gems aren't really my thing, and I'm not desperately in need of a Hero right now.
Spike: Right now, but when the evil lich is massing his army to invade Equestria...
T: Undead aren't real; be quiet. You, a little drakeling with a sack of books and a few shiny stones, don't have much in the way of offering me. And I'm not sure what I even need...
//I scratch my leg; quarters are close enough that Twilight's fur on her leg is tickling it.
Spike: Can we save it for later?
T: ...Oh, I have _just_ the thing.
Spike: Is it something that can be saved?
T: No, I think it's best if we did it right away.
//Great, middle of the night and I have to run errands instead of sleeping.
\\Silver less than Spike less than Lead.
//What is that?
\\Density rating.
Spike: 'We'?
T: Yeah, it's a request. And since you owe me something, I'll just have you say yes.
Spike: Woo.
T: Be more excited; it'll be fun for you too!
Spike: I really want to get to sleep. It's past midnight.
T: Then it's a great time to get started on this.
//If you'd get on with it!
T: You wanted to experience some of the things that happen to dragons, right?
//Uh... yeah?
T: I've noticed, on your quests and in fights, some enemies will try to use pleasure attacks in order to weaken your resistance. It's a powerful tactic against a free drakeling, a drakeling not bound to anyone yet.
Spike: ...Yeah?
T: Against the Kelpie, you were almost a goner after three attacks. Not to mention, the Charm and Confusion spells can take advantage of your weakness of, uh, 'spirit', and though it hasn't happened yet, there may be a time in the future where you'll have to endure for a while before finding the right opening to attack.
Spike: Thanks, for the... uh, whatever this is.
//If it's possible to keep punching enemies into submission I think I'll stay with that.
T: Not to mention, your encounter a few days ago with the cultists, and getting hit with the Confusion spell--
Spike: Ugh, I knew the dragon instinct would come back to bite me--
T: --Showed me that a new problem has arisen. You don't know who you are, you know, sexually! You don't know what you like, what you dislike, what you're looking for, and I think the pent up feelings and frustrations are leaking over into other parts of your mind when you should be releasing them. And that's no way to be.
Spike: I'm fairly certain that, sexually, I'm not.
T: Spike, sex is a normal and healthy part of existence, and I want to get you to realize it. I've been thinking about this for a while, now, and, I want you...
//She hides her face behind a wave of her mane for a few seconds, still smiling. I try to move my leg, but it doesn't respond.
Spike: I'm sorry, Twilight, but are--
//The spell finishes and a leatherbound book appears on the bed, bouncing off my foot.
T: There! I know a book's probably not as exciting as you were expecting, but I want you to read it. I'll be quizzing you in a few days, so you'd better!
Spike: ...
T: It's 'Sexuality and Romance in a Multicultural Equestria', anonymously written. It's a great read, really. I'll leave you to it!
//In a puff of scentless air, Twilight disappears.
Spike: ...Crazy misleading bint...
//'Sexuality and Romance in a Multicultural Equestria', huh? Pretty thick tome. Hum, ho... back cover says it's about a group of travelers, going around the world -- okay, 'learning the love secrets of the centaur' has got to be fictional. Let's try to find that chapt--
//TWILIGHT PUT POST IT NOTES ON HER FAVORITE SECTIONS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

C: Spike... Spike, are you listening?
Spike: No, I'm asleep. I can't wait for the part where you turn into my mother and call me a disappointment for not being a golfer who breathes fire at the caddies.
C: You may be asleep, but dream you do not. I am Celestia.
Spike: Celestia!
C: Would you please--
Spike: In the presence of Celestia herself!
C: It's not long before you wake; if we could--
Spike: Ask of me anything, Celestia; I am your servant!
//Like thunder, from everywhere booms:
C: CEASE! I am Celestia, and you are silence itself!
Spike: Okay.
C: In the time since we have last spoken, much has occurred. You have saved the life of not one but two of your kin, a feat I smile greatly upon. You have defeated enemies numerous and powerful, and for your deeds been rewarded greatly. Little pleases me more than your progress.
Spike: Honored Celestia, while my fights are Heroic and just, I feel there must be more to Heroism than happenstance opportunities if I am to become a famous champion of my people! How can I increase my reputation and become a beacon for your light?
C: Dearest drakeling, your fame and fortune will come in due time. They are fickle things, but you will find them through hard work, persistence and devotion to me.
Spike: Celestia! I understand!
C: And, quickly: given to you by your... in your possession is now a tome of worrying content. I suggest you read as little of it as is necessary. You must remain a free drakeling to forge a new future for dragonkind, and the allure of its depictions can cloud your mind. Abandon it at your earliest convenience.
//Don't read something because it can confuse me? Isn't it patronizing to suggest my convictions can be shaken by merely the existence of alternative viewpoints?
Spike: I am true and my heart is strong. It was a gift given to me by a friend, but if I must abandon it, I will.
C: If your closest gives you a poisoned apple, do you bite from it nonetheless?
//What does that have to do with anything?
C: You wake soon, I must tell you before our time is over: distrust completely the mare with--
//WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT TAPPING

//A branch tapping on the window wakes me from sleep.
Spike: Ugh, great.
//Out of simple spite I wrench open the window and burn the end of the branch off with dragonfire. A strong gust blows back in, bringing cold air all about the room and under the rough bedsheet. I pull my body closer in and try to get warm/comfortable.
Spike: Stupid stupid wind.
//It's no use. The cold wind, effort of dragonfire, and visit from Celestia have rendered me totally awake. I sit up in bed, pulling a book out.
Book: In this document are provided several differing viewpoints on circumstances, deliberate or coincidental, leading to the population concentration of dragons below the age of one and a half centuries in the two regions of Forlegsandria and the Aquinatic Mountain Range. Included in this thesis are not only possible explanations for the existence of 95% of total estimated dragon population in these two geographic locations but the existence of only 15% of estimated full dragon population over the age of 150 years in these same regions.
//I'm sure this is great but I don't want to read this right now. What's next...
Book: His thorned, flaccid--
//Nope; next book.
//Huh, this must be a gallery page. A group of people out of place, background a tribe of dark blue ponies in an unforgiving tundra. Two young full dragons and two middle-aged ponies, one of each male and one female. The picture on the opposite page is an indigenous bonding ceremony, the pair of dragons and ponies being recognized by a religious official of some sort. Next page... a dark blue stallion performs a deviant sex act on the female dragon. Charming.
//The wind picks up, whistling past the window. A full moon is out, shining on houses (hovels) and farms stretching away from the road. I put the books away, and try to get back to sleep.
Spike: ...Why does that wind sound a little too much like screaming?
//I open the window fully and stick my head out. It's no easier to hear, but something is audible on the wind, too persistent to attribute to random noise.
Spike: I swear, making me get up this time of night, it better be just a lost cat...
//I put on the cloak and walk out of the inn. A gust slams the door shut behind me.
//The gatekeeper leans with his head against the gate, drooling quietly in the chilling wind. Shacks line the street in front of me, moonlight bouncing off of pottery lined up for sale. The wind skims the rims of the pots, are they the sound I heard? The gatekeeper?
Spike: Screw your lost cat, it's cold out here.
//I open the door to the inn and walk right back to my it's locked. Damnit.
Spike: What kind of stupid, stupid dumb unintelligent door locks by default...
//I pound on the door, hoping to wake the innkeeper. Standing around for a few seconds, some simple instinct tells me to look behind me, and I do. I pound on the door again, harder.
Spike: Come on! Let me in!
//...Nothing. Stupid stupid dumb unintelligent innkeeper.
//Oh well, maybe I can ask the gatekeeper if someone has the key. I turn back to the gate.
Spike: See, no. That's not how ponies work. There is no switch you flip to make it so ponies _aren't_ anymore, I know, I've seen your anatomy.
//I swear, he was there a second ago.
Spike: Lousy innkeeper and gatekeeper and door and cold...
//The cloak protects from the worst of the wind, but the cold night air is impossible to block. I breathe on my hands to warm them up.
//The dragonfire lights up the street; a dark low something skitters past the pottery and out of sight. It looks nothing like a cat.
Spike: ...Screw this, I hope you people all get eaten by a spider clown. I'm out of here.
//I straighten my helmet and start walking briskly down the road, eyes peeled for danger. A sudden stop in the wind lets me hear a brief shout up the road, very clearly.
Spike: Hold on, I'm coming!

//Two tall, burly mares in dark suits stare up into the trees.
First Mare: Can you see her?
Second Mare: No, but she can't have gone--
FM: There she is!
Pony In Tree: Ah, crap!
//The pony in the tree has a flask filled with golden liquid around her neck, unsteadily hanging on to a small branch.
SM: Give that back! I spent a dozen days making that!
FM: You thief!
//Something tickles in my lungs and I cough, inadvertently.
//All three ponies turn their heads. The pony stuck in the tree opens her eyes wider and motions her head towards the two on the ground.
SM: A dragon?!
FM: That crook up there tried to take something from us!
Spike: Is that true?
PIT: ...I have my reasons!
Spike: Having a magpie as an otherkin does not count as reasons.
SM: Come down from there. We won't hurt you if you give it back.
PIT: Liars! Do you think me a fool?
Spike: Doesn't this town have a sheriff? Can't you call for him?
SM: ...It's a trade secret, we don't want people to know we have it.
//Am I missing something here?
Spike: It's just a potion of heal wounds...
PIT: You fools! You can't keep your infernal recipe a secret forever, just as you can't keep it a secret that you're digging up old bodies from the Valley's military graveyards!
Spike: What?!
//I take a fighting stance immediately. Petty theft and graverobbing are two different levels of evil.
SM: Ach, she knows?
FM: We can't let anyone find out. Keep her in the trees; I'll deal with the dragon.
//The First Mare stomps the ground and snorts, ready to fight!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

FM: Oh-hoh, what is this? You look like a drakeling.
SM: A drakeling?
FM: Most certainly.
Spike: Nope, sorry; I'm actually a snake demon.
FM: Such a poor little thing, out here in the cold night. Your frail body looks freezing. Let me see if I can warm you up a little...
//The pony in the tree takes a stone from her saddlebag and puts it in a sling while the second mare is distracted.
FM: I'm good friends with many powerful people, young drakeling. I assure you there are very many positions you could find yourself in...
SM: Fumeh.
FM: I'm certain you're interested by my outfit. The suit is silk, it's amazing. What do you think would feel best gliding up against you: it? Or me? How about both?
SM: Fumeh!!
//Fumeh whips around, staring at the other pony.
FM: What, Sma?!
SM: You're supposed to choose one line before the battle starts and say it! You can't use three! It ruins the impact!

The Drakeling charges at The First Mare!
The Drakeling punches The First Mare in the right rear leg with his left hand, bruising the muscle and tearing the skin!
The Drakeling collides with The First Mare! The Drakeling bounces backwards!
//One leg on this pony is almost as big as me... maybe I should have noticed that before the fight.

FM: Hey, watch it!

The First Mare kicks at The Drakeling in the head with her left rear hoof, but The Drakeling dodges away!
//That would have clear taken my head off! Time for Atlas mode, I think... take the world up on my shoulders.

The Drakeling breathes in and focuses, casting Terrae Corpus! The Drakeling's scales become as hard as rock!

FM: Just standing there? Afraid of my muscles?

The Pony throws a basalt stone at The Second Mare with her *bat leather sling*! The spinning basalt stone strikes The Second Mare in the upper body, bruising the muscle and bruising the left true rib!

SM: Gah, my back!
FM: Help me with this one; he can burn down the damn tree when we defeat him!
SM: Right!

The Second Mare charges at The Drakeling!
The Second Mare kicks The Drakeling in the lower body with her left front hoof, chipping the scale through the bronze vestskirt!
The Second Mare collides with The Drakeling! The Drakeling is knocked over and tumbles backwards!

The Drakeling stands up.

The First Mare kicks The Drakeling in the head with her right front hoof, but the attack is deflected by The Drakeling's steel helmet!
The Drakeling counterattacks!
The Drakeling kicks The First Mare in the lower body with his right foot, bruising the muscle, bruising the guts and bruising the left kidney!

The Second Mare bites The Drakeling in the left upper arm, chipping the scale!
The Second Mare latches on firmly!
The Drakeling punches The Second Mare in the right rear leg with his right hand, bruising the muscle and bruising the bone!

The Drakeling breathes fire! But The First Mare dodges away from the flames!

The Second Mare takes The Drakeling down by the left upper arm with her teeth!
The Second Mare shakes The Drakeling around by the left upper arm and the scale tears away in her mouth!
The Drakeling breaks the grip of The Second Mare's teeth on The Drakeling's left upper arm.
SM: Ugh, it tastes like dirt! What have you been rolling around in?

The Drakeling stands up.
The Drakeling strikes The Second Mare in the head with his Dashing Rogue Punch, bruising the muscle and bruising the left eye!

The First Mare kicks at The Drakeling with her left front hoof, but The Drakeling dodges away!
The Second Mare grabs The Drakeling by the right lower leg with her right front hoof!
The Second Mare takes The Drakeling down by the right lower leg with her right front hoof!
Spike: Oof!
SM: Now stay there!
//She tripped me on my back, and my armor knocked the wind out of me. Roll away!

The Second Mare kicks The Drakeling in the left foot with her right front hoof, shattering the scale and bruising the muscle!
The Drakeling punches at The First Mare with his right hand, but The First Mare dodges away!
The First Mare grabs The Drakeling by the steel helmet with her left front hoof!
The First Mare struggles for the steel helmet! The First Mare gains possession of the steel helmet!
The First Mare drops the steel helmet.

PIT: And you call me a thief!

The Drakeling stands up.
The Second Mare charges at The Drakeling!
The Second Mare headbutts The Drakeling in the upper body, but the attack is deflected by The Drakeling's bronze vestskirt!
The Second Mare collides with The Drakeling! The Drakeling is knocked over and tumbles backwards!

//Oof, not again!
FM: You aren't going anywhere.
The First Mare grabs The Drakeling by the head with her left rear leg!
The First Mare grabs The Drakeling by the head with her right rear leg!
The Drakeling struggles in vain against the grip of The First Mare's rear legs on The Drakeling's head.

Spike: Get off of me!
FM: Ah-ah, quiet now, stay still. Wouldn't want me to have to pop your head like a ripe melon.

The Drakeling punches The First Mare in the lower body with his left hand, bruising the muscle and bruising the guts!
The First Mare squeezes The Drakeling in the head with her rear legs!

Spike: Grrrr...
//I can't escape her grip. She's not lying about the ripe melon, either.
FM: That's right. See these thighs, little dude? You'll get to know them well real soon. I've crushed a few stallion heads between these sweet things in my time, and freaky earth powers or not, a skull is a skull. Yours belongs to _me_ now.
SM: Fumeh.
FM: Oh, and shut your mouth too, drakeling. No dragonfire from you. I don't want to see it open unless you beg for mercy, or until I cover it with my--
SM: Fumeh!
FM: What, mare?!
//The Second Mare steps over my waist, licking her lips.
SM: Let me do my job, eh?

The Pony throws a basalt stone at The First Mare with her *bat leather sling*! The spinning basalt stone strikes The First Mare in the head, bruising the muscle, shattering the skull, jamming the skull through the brain and tearing apart the brain!
The First Mare has been shot and killed!

Spike: Celestia's wings!
SM: Fumeh!

The Drakeling kicks The Second Mare in the left front leg with his left knee, shattering the bone, jamming the bone through the left front knee's muscle and shattering the left front knee's bone!
The Drakeling scratches The Second Mare in the right eye with his right hand, tearing it apart!

The Second Mare collapses! The Second Mare gives into pain!
The Drakeling is pinned!

The Unknown Mares were defeated!
Spike gained 2250 experience points!
Spike is now level 14!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

SM: My leg, I can't feel my leg...
Spike: A sensory nerve might be severed. Probably for the best.
SM: And my eye, I can't see out of it, it hurts so much...
Spike: Torn apart. Look at it like this: cool eyepatch. Eh? ...Eh?
//Blood pouring down her face, the second mare named Sma doesn't laugh.
SM: But, Fumeh, dead. Completely dead...
Spike: ...Yeah. Maybe she'll be given a burial here in the Valley, so you can go and dig her up sometime.
//Take your legs out from underneath the pony-shaped pile of muscle before insulting it, please.
Spike: Uh, would you mind?
//I gesture to my legs. Out of her one good eye, Sma stares at me.
//She tries to prop herself up with her unbroken front leg, but halfway through it gives way and she slams back down, falling further forward.
Spike: Woah woah hey wrong direction!
//The blood from her eye drips through the vestskirt onto my waist.
SM: Sorry.
Spike: Here, let me just...
//I wedge my shoulder under the second mare's broken leg and lift up with my torso. She tries to stand again.
SM: I'm sorry. About everything. About the fight, about the potions, about the bodies, about the whole damn...
//We both stand up. Sma is on three legs, trying to figure out how to balance herself in front while one leg dangles there aimlessly.
Spike: That's nice. But it shouldn't take a broken leg, a damaged eye and a dead friend to get you to realize what you're doing is wrong.
SM: I...
//Sma hangs her head.
SM: Celestia, I should have listened to Mother. She knew this shady crap wouldn't work out for me. Why is she always right?
Spike: Hindsight, 20/20. But you can make up for some of it, by telling me everything you know about your friends and whatever organization you work for.
SM: Okay. That's the deal. I'll tell you everything I know, and then, I promise, I'll disappear forever.
Spike: Er, no. You tell me everything you know, and then you go to jail for a long, long--

The Pony throws a basalt stone at The Second Mare with her *bat leather sling*! The spinning basalt stone strikes The Second Mare in the head from behind, bruising the muscle, shattering the skull, jamming the skull through the brain and tearing apart the brain!
//CELESTIA'S FUCKING WINGS!
The Second Mare has been shot and killed!

//I spit the blood out of my mouth as the pony who was in the tree jumps down.
Spike: The hell!?
PIT: Excellent, you're not wounded.
Spike: You killed her for no reason!
PIT: Nonsense. She was an evil pony, an associate of those who rob graves and abduct innocents for experimentation.
Spike: Maybe, but she wasn't dangerous! You didn't need to kill her like that!
PIT: There were no alternatives. Would you take her to the village owned by the same organization that ordered her crimes? The one with no jail to speak of, where any judge and jury would consist of her coworkers, and you expect justice?
//It's true that it would have been difficult to punish Sma if the village is really as this pony says. And a broken leg for a pony that size may as well be a death sentence... but I won't say I like her methods.
Spike: If you're going to kill someone out of convenience, at least wait until they give me the information I'm looking for.
PIT: So I should've let her fill your head with lies?
Spike: Compared to nothing at all? At least lies would give me a few leads to go on!
PIT: Thankfully, we don't have to deal with sorting through that. I've been doing research on these goons recently and I know enough about them to make my approach.
//Her approach?
Spike: That's good to know, Miss...
PIT: Pitaya Mendax. I'm a Hero.
//Oh, hey, another Hero!
Spike: Hey, me too! Spike, nice to meet you.
PIT: Charmed, Spike. We'll make a great team.
Spike: So what's our approach?
PIT: Their weird experiments are centered around the easternmost graveyard, guarded by goons like these and varied abominations.
Spike: Fight our way in, smash the setup and destroy whatever monsters they've created. Got it.
PIT: I would prefer to move northward, skirting around the edge of their patrols, taking whatever fights we could win. At some point we should be able to determine whether or not we _can_ fight our way in.
Spike: Hmm... nah.
PIT: What?
Spike: The 'can' fight our way in. If it's an option to fight evil at risk to ourselves instead of an obligation, we're not Heroes at all. I say we just go for it.
PIT: Don't be so willing to throw your life away, Hero. You need to do good deeds tomorrow as well as today.
Spike: We'll make it.
PIT: Doubtful.
Spike: If you want to stay here and get comfortable with the corpses, be my guest, but I'm leaving.
//I start walking northeast, towards the Valley's cemeteries.
PIT: Wait, this isn't going to work!
Spike: Trust me.

//The forest grows thicker as we move deeper inwards, leaves and limbs blocking moonlight from above. There is a dirt path through the trees, but the occasional dark goon on it prevents its use.
Spike: I think there's a twig stuck in your tail.
PIT: That's my sling.
Spike: No, I'm carrying your sling. Why am I carrying your sling?
//I toss the sling over her back. She grabs it with her teeth.
PIT: It must be my wand of Stupefy.
Spike: Uh, okay. I guess that's a place to hold it.
PIT: Is it red for the first seven inches with a purple tip?
Spike: The eight inches of stiffening wood hovering behind your legs?
PIT: Ah, someone finally got the joke. I had to repaint it and everything.
Spike: Nah, that's the one keeping your hair up.
PIT: Then what's the one in my tail?
//Pitaya stops walking and sits down, trying to grab her tail and drag it into the moonlight. I look around on a chill; the ground seems to vibrate at stepping intervals.
PIT: Darn, this stick is wrapped tight, it has those odd spiny balls on it.
Spike: 'Odd spiny balls'?
PIT: The ones that stick -- they're seeds, I think? I'm not a botanist. This is really in there...
//The faintest tremor leads me to look left.
//A pony, a pony-like thing shaped like a pony, stands mostly hidden by an oak. Half of its face is rotted off, teeth and skull visibly crumbling away. The edges of the missing half are covered in yellow moss, and indigo mushrooms grow out of the absence. A single vine, jutting out of the flesh next to the spine, moves back and forth above the one remaining eye, rolled back into its head.
PIT: What. Why does it smell like cinnamon.
Spike: (...So, uh, Pitaya, would you happen to know if cinnamon sticks are the primary foodstuff of plant/pony hybrid abominations?)
//Golden liquid drips from its broken mouth as it mumbles:
Grotesque Creature: Seed...
//Pitaya lifts her head and looks at the creature.
PIT: (That. It. What.)
Spike: (When you were stealing that vial of heal wounds from the strange goons, did you happen to notice anything, say, odd?)
PIT: (Not like that! I would have noticed something like that!)
Spike: (Didn't you say there were abominations protecting the cemeteries?
PIT: (I saw moving corpses with paintings on them, nothing like this!)
//The grotesque creature steps out from behind the tree and hisses, raising vines out of its back!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

The Grotesque Creature raises several vines from its back!
The Grotesque Creature slashes at The Drakeling in the right upper arm with a vine, denting the scale!
//The vines aren't thick enough to slam with, it's just the little prickers on them that hurt. There may be a lot of them but nothing I can't deal with!

The Grotesque Creature slashes at The Pony in the upper body with a vine, tearing apart the skin!
The Grotesque Creature slashes at The Pony in the lower body with a vine, tearing apart the skin!

PIT: Kyii! That hurt!
Spike: Get back and start using the sling!

The Pony leaps backwards, away from The Grotesque Creature!

The Grotesque Creature slashes at The Drakeling in the lower body with a vine, but The Drakeling dodges away!
//Harder scales will only slow me down here, I need to stay mobile.

The Drakeling strikes The Grotesque creature in the vine with his Dashing Rogue Punch, tearing apart the dermal tissue and bruising the xylem!

The Drakeling strikes The Grotesque Creature in the vine with his Dashing Rogue Punch, tearing apart the dermal tissue, tearing apart the xylem and tearing apart the pith!
The broken part dangles uselessly!

Spike: I'm not doing much damage here! Aim for the body!
PIT: On it!

The Pony throws a basalt stone at The Grotesque Creature with her *bat leather sling*! The spinning basalt stone strikes The Grotesque Creature in the right front leg, bruising the muscle, tearing apart the roots and bruising the bone!
An artery has been opened by the attack!
//Golden liquid spills out of the open root, washing over the creature's leg. After only a moment, the root closes up on its own, and all signs of injury are gone.

PIT: That's worrisome.
Spike: Aim for the important parts, I'll try to deal with the vines!

The Drakeling bites The Grotesque Creature in the vine, and the severed part is torn away!
Spike: Gack, pttbth!
//Two pumps of thin gold drain out of the vine, some of it in my mouth; it tastes like rotting wood. The end of the vine heals over.

The Grotesque Creature grabs The Drakeling by the right upper arm with a vine!
The Grotesque Creature grabs The Drakeling by the left lower leg with a vine!

The Drakeling kicks The Grotesque Creature in the vine with his right foot, tearing apart the dermal tissue, tearing apart the xylem and bruising the pith!
The Grotesque Creature releases the grip of The Grotesque Creature's vine on The Drakeling's left lower leg.

Spike: Only four vines left!

The Grotesque Creature raises several vines from its back!
The Grotesque Creature grabs The Drakeling by the left hand with a vine!

PIT: Time to die!

The Pony throws a basalt stone at The Grotesque Creature with her *bat leather sling*! The spinning basalt stone strikes The Grotesque Creature in the upper body, bruising the muscle, shattering the right scapula, jamming the scapula through the right true ribs, shattering the right true ribs, jamming the right true ribs through the right lung and tearing apart the right lung!
The basalt stone has lodged firmly in the wound!
//That stone tore a hole into the creature's chest! Its upper body is collapsing!

GC: Seed...
//More healing liquid bleeds from the cavity in the creature's chest, and it stands upright again after only a few moments!
Spike: Even its voice is monstrous!
PIT: No! Stop being alive! You should be dead!

The Grotesque Creature grabs The Drakeling by the right foot with a vine!
The Grotesque Creature grabs The Drakeling by the left lower leg with a vine!

The Drakeling struggles for possession of The Drakeling's left hand, tearing apart the vine's dermal tissue, tearing apart the xylem and bruising the pith!
The broken part dangles uselessly!
The Drakeling gains possession of The Drakeling's left hand!

The Grotesque Creature drags The Drakeling closer with its vines!
//An oversized, white flower bulb protrudes from the creature's underside, perfectly smooth. The tips of the petals dance slightly, as if giggling. Is that what I'm being drawn to?

Spike: Aim for the vines!
PIT: Hold on!

The Grotesque Creature grabs The Drakeling by the lower body with a vine!
The Grotesque Creature grabs The Drakeling by the head with a vine!

The Drakeling bites The Grotesque Creature in the vine, and the severed part is torn away! The Grotesque Creature releases the grip of The Grotesque Creature's vine on The Drakeling's head.
The Drakeling punches The Grotesque Creature in the vine with his left hand, bruising the dermal tissue and bruising the xylem!

The Grotesque Creature drags The Drakeling closer with its vines!
//The flower bulb opens its petals, revealing a dark fleshy hole into the pony's lower body where dark fleshy holes usually aren't located. The opening drools, forming puddles of gold on the dry leaves below.

The Pony throws a basalt stone at The Grotesque Creature with her *bat leather sling*! The spinning basalt stone strikes The Grotesque Creature in the vine, and the severed part flies off in an arc!
The Grotesque Creature releases the grip of The Grotesque Creature's vine on The Drakeling's right foot.

The Grotesque Creature raises several vines from its back!
PIT: Celestia, it's like a hydra!

The Grotesque Creature drags The Drakeling closer with its vines!
The Drakeling punches The Grotesque Creature in the head with his left hand, bruising the muscle and tearing apart the indigo mushrooms!
//More gold blood covers the mushrooms and my fist, healing both of them in a matter of seconds.

//The Grotesque Creature shakes its hind legs in a rhythmic motion, muttering:
GC: Seed...
Spike: The hydra, how'd they kill the hydra?
PIT: Oh! Uh, let me think--
Spike: Kind of urgent!
PIT: Fire! Use fire!

The Drakeling breathes fire!
The Grotesque Creature releases the grip of The Grotesque Creature's vine on The Drakeling's lower body. The Grotesque Creature releases the grip of The Grotesque Creature's vine on The Drakeling's right upper arm. The Grotesque Creature releases the grip of The Grotesque Creature's vine on The Drakeling's left lower leg.
//It shields itself with the vines.
The Grotesque Creature's vines are caught in the dragonfire! The Grotesque Creature's vines are burnt down to the dermal tissue!
//The vines begin to heal in spots and patches, gold film covering the burnt plantflesh. Barely any damage...

Spike: How do I kill this thing?!
PIT: Kill it?! Who cares?! Run!!

The Pony leaps backwards, away from The Grotesque Creature! The Pony begins to gallop!

Spike: Hey, wait!

The Drakeling leaps backwards, away from The Grotesque Creature! The Drakeling begins to run!

//I have to get away from this thing!

The Grotesque Creature grabs The Tree by the trunk with a vine! The Grotesque Creature catapults itself forwards!
The Grotesque Creature charges at The Drakeling! The Grotesque Creature kicks at The Drakeling with its left rear hoof, but The Drakeling dodges away!
The Grotesque Creature rushes by The Drakeling!

//With speed like that, what am I going to do?!
Spike: Pitaya? Pitaya!
//Did she leave me to die!?

The Drakeling breathes fire!
The Grotesque Creature releases the grip of The Grotesque Creature's vine on The Tree.
The Grotesque Creature's vines are caught in the dragonfire! The Grotesque Creature's vines are burnt down to the xylem!
//The vines still look patchy, but they're healing quickly. Is fire really the answer?

The Drakeling leaps backwards, away from The Grotesque Creature!

The Grotesque Creature slashes The Drakeling in the right foot with a vine, denting the scale! The vine latches on firmly!
The Grotesque Creature slashes The Drakeling in the left foot with a vine, denting the scale! The vine latches on firmly!

The Drakeling breathes fire!
The Grotesque Creature's vines are caught in the dragonfire! The Grotesque Creature's vines are burnt down to the pith!
The Grotesque Creature's vines have been set aflame!
//Holy crap! Did I boil off that much water? Is there not enough healing liquid left?

The Grotesque Creature lifts The Drakeling in the air with its vines!
The Drakeling falls over!
//Upside down, can I even breathe fire?
The Drakeling loses the grip of The Drakeling's head on the steel helmet. The Drakeling drops the steel helmet.

The Grotesque Creature grabs The Drakeling by the throat with a vine!
The Grotesque Creature places a chokehold on The Drakeling!
//The underside bulb opens again, this time much more aggressively, looking to devour my corpse.

The Drakeling struggles in vain against the grip of The Grotesque Creature's vine on The Drakeling's throat!

The Drakeling breathes fire!
The Grotesque Creature's vines are caught in the dragonfire! The Grotesque Creature's vines are burnt to a crisp! The severed parts fall off!

The Drakeling slams into the ground!
//Koof, not again! Stupid dumb armor!
//The flaming vines snap off and fall all around, crashing into the dead leaves.

The leaves have been set aflame!
The Drakeling stands up.

The Grotesque Creature charges at The Drakeling!
The Grotesque Creature kicks The Drakeling in the upper body with its right front hoof, bruising the muscle and bruising the left floating rib through the bronze vestskirt!
The Grotesque Creature collides with The Drakeling! The Grotesque Creature bounces backwards!

//It opens its half-mouth to speak, but I decide it has nothing I want to hear.
The Drakeling breathes fire! The Grotesque Creature is caught in the dragonfire! The Grotesque Creature's mouth has been burnt to a crisp! The Grotesque Creature's indigo mushrooms have been burnt to a crisp!
//Gold dribbles over its lips but its supply is almost dry; its mouth stays burnt.

The Grotesque Creature leaps backwards, away from The Drakeling!
Spike: I won't let you run away to hurt someone else!
The Drakeling breathes fire! The Grotesque Creature is caught in the dragonfire! The Grotesque Creature's upper body is burnt to a crisp!
The Grotesque Creature has been set aflame!

The shrubbery has been set aflame!
//Didn't notice that...
//A delta of fire, spreading out from where the creature dropped its vines, has spread from the dried leaves to shrubbery and grass around the area. The flames almost rise as high as tree branches, and the heat is intense.
//...Okay, I don't feel heat. But if I did, it would be intense.

The Drakeling picks up the steel helmet.

//The creature croaks from a burnt trachea, flames licking around its body. It almost looks pitiful.
Spike: No. You attacked two people for no reason and tried to kill both of them. Ordered to or not, whether you knew better or not, you're a danger to society and I can't in good conscience let you live.
The Drakeling breathes fire! The Grotesque Creature is caught in the dragonfire! The Grotesque Creature's lower body is burnt to a crisp!
The Grotesque Creature collapses!

The Grotesque Creature was defeated!
Spike gained 2500 experience points!
Spike is now level 15!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//CRACK!
The small tree has been set aflame!

Spike: Oh. Damn. Uh...
//WAY TO GO, ASSHOLE, YOU STARTED A FOREST FIRE.
Spike: So, Pitaya? Any, you know, suggestions? If you're there?
//...
Spike: ...Guess not.
//The fire rages around me, and though I can't feel the flames, my cheeks feel hot. A thin branch cracks off a tree and falls to the ground on the grotesque creature's corpse. This is not a Heroic situation.
Spike: ...Twilight? Are you back yet? Please?
//Silence.
Spike: Oh man, I started a forest fire. I don't have water or magic or anything, Celestia's wings, what do I do?

The Drakeling dodges away from the falling !!small tree!! !
The !!small tree!! slams into the ground!

//RUN THE HELL AWAY BEFORE ANYONE FINDS OUT.
Spike: ...Yeah, I'll do that.

//I leap over a twisting root in my way and continue running. The smoke rising behind me, from the forest fire I accidentally started, is illuminated by the full moon.
Spike: Dangit dangit dangit dangit dangit I'm a bad person.
//Even with magic it might be weeks before they get the fires under control. Loggers, farmers, hunters, trappers, hermits and many others are going to lose their homes and livelihoods; ponies throughout the valley are going to have respiratory problems and maybe even lose their lives; waterways for miles around are going to be poisoned by ash...
Spike: Someone needs to be told; where's Twilight?
//Not to mention the exodus of refugees will put pressure for employment and land on the surrounding areas, creating more tension and worsening dragon/pony relations... what kind of Hero does a thing like this?
//A voice floats out, a strained whisper from a tree just ahead:
Strained Whisper: Help! Is someone there?!
//I stop in my tracks. Is someone trapped just beyond that tree?
Spike: ...
Strained Whisper: I'm trapped! Please!
//Trap or not, I have a responsibility to help in case someone is really in trouble!
\\Otherwise they would be trapped in the forest fire you started.
//Don't remind me.
//A large pegasus in a dark suit is pinned to the opposite side of this tree. As I step on a twig, she strains to turn her head, but can't see me.
SW: Who's there? Get me down from here! That's an order!
//It might be best to make sure this mare is working for strange goons spotted in Longbridge...
Spike: But, commander, I've seen terrible things that should not be! Painted corpses walking around like people, and an abomination half pony, half plant!
SW: The painted corpses are our fakes, you moron! Think! We're digging up the remains of ponies and dragons centuries old; why would they be anything but bones and teeth?!
Spike: And the plant monstrosity?
SW: That got loose? Osto is really going to have my head for this one...
//I step out in front of the tree. The pegasus is stuck to the tree with clear sticky fiber ropes, clinging all over one wing and both back legs. She is facing into the tree and sees me.
Spike: In the interest of full disclosure, I don't work for you.
SW: ...If we had a drakeling I highly doubt we'd be in the flank end of nowhere digging up dry bones. A little help?
Spike: I'm a bit disinclined to help you out, considering you are digging up entire graveyards and creating monstrosities that try to kill people.
SW: Okay, full disclosure? The monstrosities are Osto's pet project. We have nothing to do with them.
//If some accursed pony keeps making things that could bring terror to the whole Valley, it's my duty as a Hero to stop her!
Spike: Who is this Osto you keep talking about?
SW: My boss. My ex-boss, that is; when I get stuck in one of her monstrosity's traps is the point where continued employment is not in my best interest; I'm out of here as soon as you cut me loose. So, you know, if you don't mind.
Spike: Sorry, but I don't have any assurance you would tell me what I need to know after I cut you down.
SW: Then ask away. Quickly, I don't plan on being some freak's lunch.
Spike: What are you trying to do in the Valley?
SW: Me? Leave it. Them? The plan was to slip in the Valley, keep the dumb folk from asking questions with coin, and take back all the coin as soon as our army had risen. Then, you know, take over the world.
Spike: Your army?
SW: Along the way, Osto was supposed to learn how to raise the dead to walk Equestria again. That's our current stumbling block. She hasn't yet.
//The Valley is filled with military graveyards; all of the buried ponies and other creatures were legendary in combat prowess and bravery. If this Osto can really raise such an army of the dead... no one could stop her.
Spike: What's Osto's full name? Where is she now?
SW: Osto Bacchus. She should be in the Top Hill Cemetery. It's--
Spike: I think I can figure out where it is.
//Osto Bacchus. Is she going to be introduced as 'Ornery Bint'? 'Old Babbler'? 'Orange Biscuit'? I can't think of anything.
Spike: How does Osto get enough coin to pay you, and pay off the people in the Valley?
//The mare tries to shrug, but her trapped wing prevents her from it.
SW: A tall pony with dark fur appears every few days, and gives her a big sack of bits. Says it's for 'uncovering the secrets of death'. That's all I know, now cut me down!
//Uh... with what?
//I look at my claws. They are not nearly sharp enough to cut something.
Spike: Do you have a sword on you, or a knife, something...?
SW: Tell me you're not an adventurer without a sharp object.
Spike: I suppose I could bite a gem into a sharp edge, but I'm not sure if I want to use a gem like that...
//All I have left are red grossulars.
SW: Celestia's wings, I'm not about to be stuck here because the world's least competent adventurer arrived on my doorstep instead of anyone else.
Spike: This fiber, do you know if it's flammable?
//At my words, she struggles harder.
SW: This isn't fiber, it's webbing.
Spike: Webbing?!
//The strands are about as thick as my index finger, and deceptively sticky. I don't want to think about the spider that spun this...
SW: Yeah, and I plan on being more than lunch. Could you find, I don't know, _anything_?
//I look around my feet for a few seconds, not stepping on any of the strands hidden underneath leaves, and find a small sharp rock.
Spike: I might have to pull a few feathers out to free the wing.
SW: Before you arrived I was preparing to bite my own wings off, so I've already come to terms with the idea.
Spike: Well, here goes--
SW: Yow!
Spike: Quiet, the spider might hear us.
SW: Spiders don't hear, they sense things on their web using vibrations.
//I fall silent for a while, not wanting to attract the spider's attention.
SW: Is my wing free yet?
Spike: Why would it be? I haven't started yet.
SW: What?!
//The pegasus struggles in the webbing -- or would, if all of it weren't cut and removed by now. She falls backwards.

The Pegasus stands up.

SW: 'Swings, what did I do to deserve that?
Spike: Graverobbing.
//He says bluntly, being a total badass.
\\Childish pranks are not the domain of badasses.
SW: That period of my life is over now.
//Does this mean I helped reform an evildoer? Or is this more due to dangerous work conditions and a hostile environment?
SW: Because right now, I'm going to get my own little drakeling to do as I please with.
//Celestia's wings, just one time?! Please?!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

SW: I will be forever known as The Immortal--

The flying thick strand of webbing strikes The Pegasus in the snout, adhering to it firmly!
The flying thick strand of webbing strikes The Pegasus in the mouth, adhering to it firmly!
The Pegasus is propelled away by the force of the blow!
The Pegasus's right rear leg skids along the ground, bruising the muscle!
The Pegasus slams into The Tree!

//SHITTING SHIT WHAT
The Drakeling leaps backwards!
//That came out of left nowhere!

SW: Mmmhh, mmhmhm... mmhmmhm! MMMMM-MMMM-MMMMMMMMMM!!
//The mare tears at the webbing covering her mouth desperately. She can't breathe.
//I look around, holding my breath, and see nothing.
//She continues to screech, trying to scrape her head against a root, facing me. Her eyes are wide open, and the webbing is still there. The mare tries to dig her front hooves at it, but can't get an angle to pierce the suffocating web. Then, for a moment, our eyes meet.

The flying thick strand of webbing strikes The Pegasus in the right rear leg, adhering to it firmly! The webbing adheres to the ground!
The flying thick strand of webbing strikes The Pegasus in the left rear leg, adhering to it firmly! The webbing adheres to the ground!
The Pegasus is caught up in the web!
The Pegasus falls over!

//Those came from a completely different angle! What sort of spider has that speed and accuracy?
//The pegasus starts to beat her wings and dig at the ground with her front hooves, but her back legs are completely covered in sticky silk.

//Only by moonlit smoke in the distance can I make out a blurry shape in the trees, is that--
The Mess of Limbs drops out of the trees!
The Mess of Limbs slams into The Pegasus! The Mess of Limbs grabs The Pegasus by the neck with her left first leg!
//The Pegasus screams as loud as she can through the web and struggles.

//THAT IS MORE LEGS THAN I WANT TO FUCK WITH RIGHT NOW; ACTIVATE PISS-SELF COWARD MODE
The Drakeling leaps backwards, away from The Mess of Limbs! The Drakeling begins to run!

The Mess of Limbs bites The Pegasus in the upper body, tearing the muscle!
Strange venom is injected into The Pegasus's blood!
The Mess of Limbs latches on firmly!
The Pegasus struggles in vain against the grip of the sticky silk on The Pegasus's left rear leg! The Pegasus struggles in vain against the grip of the sticky silk on The Pegasus's right rear leg!

The Drakeling continues to run!

The Mess of Limbs shakes The Pegasus around by the upper body, tearing apart the upper body's muscle!
Strange venom is injected into The Pegasus's blood!

The Drakeling continues to run!

The Mess of Limbs retains the grip of The Mess of Limbs's mouth on The Pegasus's upper body.
Strange venom is injected into The Pegasus's blood!

The Drakeling continues to run!

The Mess of Limbs retains the grip of The Mess of Limbs's mouth on The Pegasus's upper body.
Strange venom is injected into The Pegasus's blood!

The Drakeling continues to run!

The Mess of Limbs retains the grip of The Mess of Limbs's mouth on The Pegasus's upper body.
Soupy liquid is extracted from The Pegasus's blood!

The Drakeling continues to run!

The Mess of Limbs retains the grip of The Mess of Limbs's mouth on The Pegasus's upper body.
Soupy liquid is extracted from The Pegasus's blood!

The Drakeling continues to run!

The Mess of Limbs retains the grip of The Mess of Limbs's mouth on The Pegasus's upper body.
Soupy liquid is extracted from The Pegasus's blood!

The Drakeling continues to run!

The Mess of Limbs releases the grip of The Mess of Limbs's mouth on The Pegasus's upper body.

The Drakeling continues to run!

The Mess of Limbs climbs back into the trees.

The Drakeling continues to run!

The Drakeling continues to run!

The Drakeling continues to run!

The Drakeling continues to run!

The Drakeling continues to run!

The Drakeling stops running.

The Pegasus was defeated!
Spike gained 250 experience points!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//I lean against a tree in this small clearing. There have been no sounds or sights for a while but the silent nighttime of the forest -- but that thing came out of nowhere without any warning, so I'm not taking any chances.
//I turn over a few leaves. None of them are stuck to strands of webbing on the ground.
Spike: (...Twilight?)
//Silence.
Spike: (Great. I can't tell if you're still gone or if you're just hiding because I'm still in danger.)
//Looking up past the trees into the night sky... hey, wasn't the moon supposed to be over there?
Spike: (Crap. Well, if you are listening, it looks like I got turned around and mixed up.)
//I walk out into the middle of the clearing. Smoke rises from that way, obscuring the stars, and the moon's that way, but it might have been some time and how far does a moon move every hour? I wish I knew the constellations.
Spike: (I might have done a not-so-Heroic thing, by the way. There was a pony who needed my help and I ran away for my own life. Does it count less if the pony who needed help was evil, and going to violate me anyway? I'm not sure how I feel about the argument that evil should be done unto evil, but I'm also not sure if saving an evil pony's life at the cost of my own is what's best for everyone... no matter what, that spider thing was horrific, and a terrible way to die.)
//There, that's east. It was towards that peak that looked like a witch's nose. I start walking.
Spike: (Heh, maybe I shouldn't be so judgmental. Maybe that thing was doing a good deed, saving a helpless innocent from a dangerous criminal. Just like a jerk, then, to run away from a truer Hero because it looked ugly and odd. Who knows; we could have teamed up.)
//Probably would have been a better partner than Pitaya.
Spike: (I should stop talking so much; you're likely not there and I should stay on my--)

The Drakeling jumps away from the flying thick strand of webbing!
The Drakeling jumps away from the flying thick strand of webbing!
The Drakeling strikes The Tree with his Dashing Rogue Punch, shattering the bark!
//Oh, whoops, sorry Mr. Tree.

Mess of Limbs: If it makes your conscience feel any better, I am not a good person.

//The voice comes opposite the direction of the webs. A ventriloquist of some sort?

Spike: We'll just have to agree to disagree on morality, then, and I'll go on my merry way...
ML: No. You tried to steal my food.

The Drakeling jumps away from the flying thick strand of webbing!
The Drakeling jumps away from the flying thick strand of webbing!

//I spin around a few times, not spotting the Mess of Limbs, and speak back into the woods:
Spike: It just wouldn't be life if I weren't punished for doing the right thing.
ML: Slippery. Try this.

The Drakeling jumps away from the flying thin line of webbing!
The flying thin line of webbing strikes The Drakeling in the left upper arm, adhering to it firmly! The webbing adheres to the ground!

//My entire arm is glued to a root by this silk!
Spike: How much of this stuff do you have?!
ML: Enough to drown you.
Spike: That's a pleasant image; do you have any other function in life other than being horrifying?

The Drakeling strikes The Root with his Fist of Justice, and the severed part flies off in an arc!
The Drakeling breaks the grip of the sticky silk on The Drakeling's left upper arm!

Spike: I'm so sorry, Mr. Tree, today is not your day for me not destroying you. Will you take an I.O.U., or do you have insurance?
ML: Strong. But that will not happen if we remove the leverage.

The flying thick strand of webbing strikes The Drakeling in the right upper leg, adhering to it firmly! The webbing adheres to The Tree!
The flying thick strand of webbing strikes The Drakeling in the lower body, adhering to it firmly! The webbing adheres to The Tree!
The flying thick strand of webbing strikes The Drakeling in the upper body, adhering to it firmly! The webbing adheres to The Tree!

Spike: Everyone takes the 'other means of payment' option nowadays, it's such a hassle...
ML: Your defeat is coming.
Spike: But not imminent.

The Drakeling breathes fire! The sticky silk is caught in the dragonfire! The sticky silk has been set aflame!

ML: Rrrrrm... drakeling. Has many talents and abilities.
Spike: You know, you're the first person to notice, everyone else keeps on focusing on one certain thing...
ML: Need to discover how to defeat.
//I pick at the silk as it shrinks away in the heat.
Spike: I have many talents and abilities, which means your single trick with the webbing is never going to work.
ML: Better to know one tactic well than many nominally. As demonstrated.

The flying thick strand of webbing strikes The Drakeling in the head, adhering to it firmly! The webbing adheres to The Tree!
//Gah, my face! I use that to be pretty with!

Spike: Great, I think you ruined my helmet. After I break out of this web and defeat you I can't even get it off the tree without burning it down.
//Which might happen anyway.
ML: Sorry. Will try to be more considerate with these.

The flying thick strand of webbing strikes The Drakeling in the neck, adhering to it firmly! The webbing adheres to The Tree!
The flying thick strand of webbing strikes The Drakeling in the right hand, adhering to it firmly! The webbing adheres to The Tree!
The flying thick strand of webbing strikes The Drakeling in the left hand, adhering to it firmly! The webbing adheres to The Tree!
The flying thick strand of webbing strikes The Drakeling in the right foot, adhering to it firmly! The webbing adheres to The Tree!
The flying thick strand of webbing strikes The Drakeling in the left foot, adhering to it firmly! The webbing adheres to The Tree!

//I'm completely stuck to the tree, from head to toe! I can't move anything important!
ML: Can't use dragonfire. Can't use strong hands. Can't use quick legs. Cannot in any way defeat me as I stand here, unhidden. One trick.
Spike: 'Swings, brag more, please.
//The Mess of Limbs stands in front of Mr. Tree, away from where my head is pointing, looking at me with an unfriendly smile. Out of the corner of my eye, she looks like a pony...
Spike: I'm sorry, but are those extra limbs _sewn on_?
//She looks at the four legs sewn symmetrically onto her torso, placed between her normal legs. She raises them, like a spider would raise its front legs.
ML: Working. The most surprising part.
Spike: I think the most surprising part is that they found a spinneret that big to attach.
//A black spinneret with white markings sticks out from behind the augmented pony where a tail would normally be. It hangs behind the Mess of Limbs as she slowly walks towards me.
Spike: And I suppose this is the part where you gloat over your victory, I break free at the last moment and defeat you, so on so forth. How about we call a mulligan, you release me and we both go our merry ways? You'd be better off that way.
ML: No. Securing my victory.
//With her spinneret, she exudes thick, warm sheets of sticky silk all over my torso, legs, and arms, completely trapping me. It smells like wood, in a good way.
//WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOU MORON
Spike: Do I at least get to know the name of the fell creature who's going to kill me, or is this an anonymous imprisonment-murder?
ML: Kill? Molly would not kill a drakeling. You are more valuable as trade goods; besides, already ate.
Spike: That pegasus? Celestia, that was fast.
//I wish I could be more frightened or angry here, but... I'm kind of just screwed. Honestly, hearing that I'll be traded to another creature for whatever use is good news right now.
ML: Yes. One fang's poison turns internal organs to mush, other paralyzes. Must remember to use the correct one.
Spike: Oh hah hah! Yes that would be most appreciated, thank you!
ML: That sarcasm will be easily fixed by a little spiderbite.
//I wonder if Mr. Tree counts as part of the earth. He is damaged, so I really should be taking him up on my shoulders...

The Drakeling breathes in and focuses, casting Terrae Corpus! The Drakeling's scales become as hard as rock!

The Mess of Limbs bites The Drakeling in the neck, denting the scale!
Strange poison leaks out of The Mess of Limbs's fang!

//I can feel her hot breath on the back of my neck, under the scales. I desperately wish I could scratch the itch.
ML: Should be working now.
Spike: Oh, yes, if I weren't already completely immobilized I certainly would be now.
ML: Rrrrrm... you sure?
//The poison runs down my back over the scales, sinking into the treebark.
Spike: Yes.

The Mess of Limbs bites The Drakeling in the upper body, denting the scale!
Strange poison leaks out of The Mess of Limbs's fang!

Spike: What, you don't trust me?
ML: Your scales are hard.
Spike: I swear, it's just a physical reaction.
ML: Another... You have very many tricks, drakeling.

The Mess of Limbs bites The Drakeling in the right hand, denting the scale!
Strange poison leaks out of The Mess of Limbs's fang!

Spike: You know, if you pry off the scales, they would probably go well with some cheese dip at my funeral.
ML: Not going to eat you.
Spike: You're trying your damnedest. And failing, mind youthbth--

The Mess of Limbs bites The Drakeling in the lower lip, tearing apart the skin!
Nothing dribbles out of The Mess of Limbs's fang!

Spike: In my mouth, blach!
//I try to spit out any poison that shot in my mouth. Of all the indignities...
ML: Empty. Rrrrrm.
Spike: Would you stop making that sound?!
ML: Meaningless. More than one way to defeat a drakeling.
//What happened? Are there no longer cats with skin?
Spike: Great, this again.

The Mess of Limbs grabs The Drakeling by the neck with her left first leg!
The Mess of Limbs grabs The Drakeling by the right upper arm with her left second leg!
The Mess of Limbs grabs The Drakeling by the upper body with her left third leg!
The Mess of Limbs grabs The Drakeling by the right lower leg with her left fourth leg!
The Mess of Limbs grabs The Drakeling by the left upper arm with her right first leg!
The Mess of Limbs grabs The Drakeling by the upper body with her right second leg!
The Mess of Limbs grabs The Drakeling by the lower body with her right third leg!

The Mess of Limbs grabs The Drakeling by the waist with her spinneret!

Spike: Trust me, I'm not attracted to freaks.
ML: You cannot deny mechanical nature. Chemistry changes thought, instinct triggers chemistry, muscle action arouses instinct...

The Mess of Limbs assaults The Drakeling with her spinneret! The Mess of Limbs prepares to lower The Drakeling's resistance!

Spike: Hwoo--
ML: Aha. Not what you were expecting?
Spike: I wasn't expecting you to use my stomach as a hoof repository...

The Mess of Limbs releases the grip of The Mess of Limbs's right third leg on The Drakeling's lower body.
The Mess of Limbs grabs The Drakeling by the left upper leg with her right third leg!

//The pressure on my leg causes me to shudder and squirm.
Spike: Gah! What was that?!
ML: Mechanical nature. Poking the brain causes creatures to think differently. Why should anywhere else not be the same?

The Mess of Limbs assaults The Drakeling with her spinneret! The Drakeling's resistance is lowered!

Spike: Ugh...
//Is this what Celestia and Twilight warned me about? I've no love for the mess of limbs in front of me, yet it's impossible to hold on forever...
ML: Surrendering?
Spike: Hey, assuming I make it out of here--
ML: Not going to happen.
Spike: What was your name again?
ML: Molly.
Spike: Humor me, Molly. Assuming I make it out of here, the graveyard furthest east is Top Hill Cemetery, right?
ML: Yes.
Spike: And I'll find Osto Bacchus there?
ML: Possibly; Top Hill is the center of operations.
Spike: So, my attempted Heroic plan should have been: find my way to Top Hill Cemetery, smash the operations and defeat Osto Bacchus?
ML: Your Heroic plan should have been to volunteer at a soup kitchen, not hang out around graveyards at night looking for trouble.

The Mess of Limbs assaults The Drakeling with her spinneret! The Drakeling's resistance is lowered further!

Spike: Gnnckh... what is the difference between a graveyard and a cemetery, anyway?
ML: Why ask me?
Spike: I don't know, maybe the _body parts sewn on_ indicate you might have spent some time in one.
ML: Cemeteries are attached to a building of some significance, lending more meaning to the burial.
Spike: Top Hill is attached to a temple of some kind?
ML: There are catacombs underneath it. Served as haven for snake demon worshipers until third century in Celestia's rule.
Spike: Not that I'm complaining about the absence of snake demon worshipers, but what happened to them?
ML: Equestrian official declared worship of any deity but Celestia illegal, had them all slaughtered.

The Mess of Limbs assaults The Drakeling with her spinneret! The Drakeling's resistance is at a minimum!

Spike: Ho, please, no, don't...
ML: Can't believe it. You're going to ejaculate listening to me describe historical atrocities. Have you no shame?
Spike: Just tell me that the organization there now aren't snake demon worshipers; I've had enough of those guys...
ML: Nope. A bootstrap team, less than two dozen actually. Osto the only competent among them. Created me; has to have some skill.
Spike: Oh, yes, I'll be sure to thank her when I see her by shoving my foot up--
//I go into a coughing fit, spewing mucus on the mess of limbs's back. She pauses for half a moment, and looks at me.
//...Does the air taste like smoke?
ML: You. You seem warm.
Spike: I'm sure it has nothing to do with being bound tightly and assaulted by a massive freak.
//She stops moving her spinneret completely.
ML: No... something is wrong.

The Mess of Limbs releases the grip of The Mess of Limbs's spinneret on The Drakeling's waist.

//She looks up into the sky, squeezing her eyes tight.
Spike: Yeah, uh, full disclosure... you, _might_ want to move any flammable objects you own to another biome.

The Mess of Limbs releases the grip of The Mess of Limbs's left first leg on The Drakeling's neck.
The Mess of Limbs releases the grip of The Mess of Limbs's left second leg on The Drakeling's right upper arm.
The Mess of Limbs releases the grip of The Mess of Limbs's left third leg on The Drakeling's upper body.
The Mess of Limbs releases the grip of The Mess of Limbs's left fourth leg on The Drakeling's right lower leg.
The Mess of Limbs releases the grip of The Mess of Limbs's right first leg on The Drakeling's left upper arm.
The Mess of Limbs releases the grip of The Mess of Limbs's right second leg on The Drakeling's upper body.
The Mess of Limbs releases the grip of The Mess of Limbs's right third leg on The Drakeling's left upper leg.

The Mess of Limbs leaps backwards, away from The Drakeling!

ML: You started a _forest fire_?!
Spike: It was an accident!
ML: You stupid, stupid -- stupid!!

The Mess of Limbs begins to run! The Mess of Limbs climbs back into the trees!

Spike: Hey!
//No response.
Spike: Hey, you crazy eight legged bint! At least have the courtesy to get me down from here!
//Molly is too far away to hear me now.
Spike: I understand the abomination violating me, but _this_ is just plain _rude_.

The Mess of Limbs was defeated!
Spike gained 3000 experience points!
Spike is now level 16!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

Spike: Great. Twilight?
//Silence.
Spike: Still not there.
//I look around, hoping desperately.
Spike: Anyone? Is anyone there?
//HI SPIKE
Spike: No, screw you! Is anyone who can help me there?
//MOST OF THE TIME YOUR HIDEOUS HIDE IS SO FAR BEYOND HELP YOU MAY AS WELL HAVE DUG A HOLE AS DEEP AS MY HATRED FOR YOU AND THROWN HELP IN.
Spike: You're not swearing as much, is something wrong?
//FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU
Spike: Point taken. How am I going to get out of this one?
//WAIT FOR THE TREE TO BURN TO THE GROUND; WERE YOU SO EXCITED AT THE PROSPECT OF FINALLY NOT HAVING TO DEAL WITH THE CRIPPLING BURDEN OF INDIVIDUAL THOUGHT AND FREEDOM THAT YOU FORGOT YOUR PUKESTAINED SCALES ARE IMMUNE TO FIRE?
Spike: Pukestained scales.
//YOU TRIED TO EAT A FISTFUL OF GROSSULARS ALL AT ONCE; I MEAN, WHAT THE FUCK. WHY DID YOU THINK THAT WOULD WORK OUT ANY OTHER WAY.
Spike: You should try new things sometimes, I guess?
//YOU SHOULD TRY BEING INTELLIGENT.
Spike: Oh, I'm sorry, did you want to play Hero for a while? Try defeating enemies leagues more powerful than you and get absolutely no reward for it?
//FUCK YES LET'S DO THIS PUT ME AT THE REINS!
Spike: No. I know you think I'm a moron but I'm not that much of one.
//I'M NOT THE ONE WHO WAS SHITTING MYSELF RELIEVED AT THE PROSPECT OF BEING SOLD INTO FUCK-SLAVERY. AT LEAST REAL HEROES HELP GRANNY ACROSS THE STREET EVERY DAMNED ONCE IN A WHILE; YOU LEAVE THE OLD CUNT STRANDED IN THE MIDDLE OF ONCOMING TRAFFIC. WHICH IS A METAPHOR FOR HOW YOU CONSTANTLY DISAPPOINT EVERYONE AROUND YOU AND EVERYONE YOU EVER KNEW, AND WHO EVER KNEW YOU. ARE YOU EVER NOT A FAILURE?
Spike: Can I at least hope that Mr. Tree burns down in such a way that it falls on me and I don't have to listen to you in peace, please?
//THEN THAT WILL MAKE TWO OF US.

//The forest fire catches up to me in about a minute, and the silk melts away long before the tree comes crashing down. I put my helmet back on, adjust my armor, and continue east through the flames.

???: Two ideas underlie everything we know, and I've proven they're both more worthless than horseshit.
//A pony in a full black robe stands at the bottom of Top Hill. Stacks of gravestones, moved from their original positions, lay sprinkled around the area; great holes are dug six feet into the ground often enough to make walking a hazard. Several ponies in suits disassemble machinery, infernal and smoking and filled with various acids, around the one whose face is hidden in shadow.
???: The discovery of agriculture is civilization's catalyst, because it gives us time to think. And what does the average asshole think is the most important thing in the world? Herself, of course. So the first social ideas were barbarically simplistic: You look like me. Or you are enemy.
//Is she talking to herself?
???: As our thoughts progressed, theory of mind emerged. Its basic tenets are bred into all intelligent creatures: I have a consciousness. You look like me. Therefore, it is a good guess you have a consciousness. Physical symmetry leads to mental symmetry, and in general people can be grouped. This leads to the masturbation which we call 'society'.
//I really should be moving on. It's obvious Osto Bacchus isn't here, just a bad philosopher.
???: Empathy is a biological effect. The ability to think about the minds of others is a successful evolutionary tool. And when cracked open and examined, brains look damn similar -- pony brain or dragon brain or any other brain, standard species brain leads to standard species behavior. Therefore, consciousness had a purely physical base. If you didn't listen to Hecate.
//Why did she switch to past tense?
//Two ponies carry a long, slender box forward. They leave it beside the speaker on the ground.
???: A soul was stupid shit. Garbage of the highest caliber. I am a _scientist_ above all else, and anything which is not inherently testable -- that which can not be proven wrong or right -- is nonexistent. This idea, that flesh is as a vessel for ethereal water, was poison on the minds of the wise...
//A grinding of teeth comes from under the dark hood.
???: And because the universe delights in stupid bullshit, it's also absolutely true.
//No one's paying attention to this, why am I?
???: The mark on her end... I thought it was the Rod of Asclopius, the healing staff. When she gave it to me, I thought this was the oddest kind of remedy the world had ever seen. Instead, it was an empowerment, a movement in a dimension wherein earlier I had been still... Like avoiding the oncoming brick wall by unfolding wings.
//Or, you know, slowing down. That's an option.
???: The soul can be summoned. Impossibility is true. By principle of explosion, all rigorous thought crumbles. The electrochemical structure of the brain gives rise to behavioral patterns, behavioral patterns which we use to imply the presence of a mind, and when the electrochemical structure is impresent so should be the mind. But it is not. The soul is related to the mind, yet survives beyond death. ...In the end, I am still a scientist. I cannot deny what I have seen with my very own eyes.
//One of the movers pipes up after breaking down a gear assembly:
Tired Mover: Oh, Boss? Which coffin did you want us to bring back out?
???: I should have known it was serious when she started making requests.
//The robed pony hangs her (his? its?) head. The tired mover speaks again:
TM: Boss?
Oh Boss: The coffin of Sizmig Gloric. It should have an axe on it.
//The mover shuffles off, up the hill.
OB: And, of course, death as a logical consequence falls apart once a soul is extant. That's barely worth any thought at all; throw fucking magic at it until you bring people back to life. Had Domariv not been stolen from me, the progress towards this point would have been quicker... but this was an inevitability. I will succeed.
//Domariv? What does any of this have to do with Domariv? None of what she's saying makes any sense at all!
//The coffin of Sizmig Gloric, a red axe in velvet sewn onto the front, is placed in front of the speaking Boss, on a slab of stone.
OB: The ubiquity of death is the other idea which underlies civilization. I will disprove that today.
TM: Osto Bacchus, all the machinery and important coffins are inside. We're ready to begin.
Osto Bacchus: A soul is magic. And magic follows rules. The greatest rule of magic is that it must obey its master.
//Osto Bacchus kicks open the thin box, and levitates out of it a thin staff, the length of a pony. A dead snake is nailed into the top and...
\\Oh, _Celestia_, is that thing still _alive_?!

Osto Bacchus waves her staff, evoking a spell!
A blue miasma begins to rise from the coffin, into the sky!
//A strange wave radiates out on the air, not moving the air itself but riding on top of it... it smells like mint.

OB: After countless attempts, after miserable failure and the gloom of ignorance, I know I've finally succeeded. This _has_ to be it, it has to...
//Osto Bacchus, covered in a black robe completely, leans forward towards the coffin, straining to listen. She falls silent.
Slate Hauler: Er, Bo--

OB: Shut up!
Osto Bacchus strikes The Slate Hauler in the throat with her +wooden staff+, bruising the skin!
Slate Hauler: Tchkk--hhhhcccch--ghh...

//Osto Bacchus stares intently at the coffin as the peon clutches at his throat and slowly collapses. She pays him no mind.
OB: Tapping, I was expecting a tapping...
Voice(?): Mmm.
//Surprised by the voice, Osto Bacchus stumbles backwards!
//In the next moment, she regains her composure, and with her horn shines bright light through the mist!
\\Wow, her face is really pale--
//A figure forms in the mist!

Sizable Gentlestallion: Nnn-mmrg-gmmm.
OB: ...Damnit. Damnit damnit damnit.
//The figure is a sizable stallion, with an old army coat on and the handle of a greataxe clenched in his teeth. The blue mist that constitutes him stops rising from the coffin and swirls in place.
SG: Rrrr-mmmgn?
OB: No, I don't want to hear it from you; shut the hell up.
SG: Bmmmm-gnn-nnn--
OB: For fuck's sake, take that fucking axe out of your fucking mouth before I shove it up your ass and twist it, Gloric!
//With no small amount of disdain, the mist pony puts the axe on his back and upturns his nose.
SG: It seems as though whatever you were trying to do has failed. Given your manners and demeanor, I say 'for the best'.
OB: Stick your head in a beehive, Gloric.
//The misty shadow of Sizmig Gloric rolls his eyes, stepping down from the coffin, and wanders off into the woods wordlessly.
OB: Wh-- hey! _Get back here you fuck, I have experiments to run on you_!
//A few moments pass as Osto Bacchus stares into the woods. A careful peon tiptoes his way up to Bacchus's side and asks:
Tired Mover: Uh, Boss? Did it work?
//For some time, Bacchus stays silent. The only sounds that can be heard in the forest night, since the birds have fled from the oncoming fire, are the grunts of goons moving more equipment into the catacombs.
OB: ...Yes. It worked exactly as I expected.
TM: But you can't control him, so--
OB: _Wrong_, Tim. I can control him. I suspect right now he's finding a wasp's nest to stick over his head.
TM: ...Orders, ma'am?
OB: Start distributing the scrolls. Let this valley know how fare the dead.
TM: Yes, ma'am.
OB: Success...
//Osto Bacchus turns back around, snake/staff by her side. I'm not surprised it's still trying to bite her... even a snake knows evil when it sees it.
OB: We shall show them the terror that is their end, and show them where the journey leads... none can stop us, for we are death. My army will prevail by its very nature. This Valley, this country, this world... I'll see every living thing in it be mine, dead, or both!
//OKAY I'M NOT SURE IF YOU'RE WAITING FOR A FUCKING INVITATION OR WHAT BUT IT SEEMS PRETTY CLEAR THAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO JUMP IN AND SMASH NOW.
//Well, I suppose there's no better time than the present!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

The Drakeling leaps forward, towards Osto Bacchus!
Spike: Osto Bacchus!

Osto Bacchus points at The Drakeling and casts Spell Blast!
The Drakeling dodges away from the flying Spell Blast!
The flying Spell Blast strikes the tree in the trunk, and the severed part flies off in an arc!
//The snake struggles against the nail through its neck and hisses.

Osto Bacchus: Yeah?! What?!
//Is this how she starts all her conversations?
Spike: You're trying to revive ponies long dead, so you can enslave them!
OB: Really? I had no idea, I'll stop right away. Can someone kill this moron?!
TM: Boss, we're still moving stuff into the underground, I don't know if anyone's free right--
Osto Bacchus strikes The Tired Mover in the throat with her +wooden staff+, tearing the skin!
TM: Kkkkykch--
OB: Surrounded by assholes... I'll take care of you myself!

The Snake bites The Tired Mover in the left cheek, tearing the skin and tearing the muscle!
The Snake latches on firmly!

OB: Why -- let go, you moron!

The Drakeling breathes fire!
Osto Bacchus drops the +wooden staff+.
OB: Aaaah!

Osto Bacchus dodges away from the flames!

OB: A dragon?! What the fucking fuck is a _dragon_ doing here?!
Spike: Bringing justice to the likes of you!
//AND BURNING DOWN FORESTS BECAUSE HE'S SCARED OF HIS OWN SEXUALITY--
The Drakeling breathes fire! Osto Bacchus is caught in the dragonfire! Her robe is set aflame!

OB: Ow ow aaaaaah hot hot hot!
Osto Bacchus throws off the black robe!

//What the...
//In Osto Bacchus's place is a standing skeleton of a unicorn. Its bones are picked clean, patchy yellow and white. The eyeholes are enormous, and the back of the skull can be seen through them even in the dim light of a couple torches. Stray ligaments hang from bones here and there, rotted and frayed, but they seem to serve no purpose.
Spike: Who the hell are you?!
Osto Bacchus: Osto Bacchus! What should I write on _your_ gravestone?!

The Skeleton points at The Drakeling and casts Spell Blast!
The Drakeling dodges away from the flying Spell Blast!
//Those things would turn me into paste! I have to avoid them!

//Dead?! How can a pony who is moving around and speaking be dead?! Or how can a pony who has the flesh _stripped from her bones_ be not dead?!
Spike: What is going on here?!
OB: What does this fucking look like, a baker's?
//SHE'S GOT YOU THERE.
Spike: You're... you're a monster, raising the dead to make an army of them like yourself!
OB: If you knew that, why'd you ask?!
//HE LIKES THE SOUND OF HIS OWN VOICE.
OB: Dipshit!

Osto Bacchus points at The Drakeling and casts Spell Blast!
The Drakeling dodges away from the flying Spell Blast!

Spike: Stop that!
OB: You don't understand how fighting someone works, do you?!
Spike: If that's the way it has to be, I'll stop you myself!

The Drakeling charges at Osto Bacchus!
The Drakeling punches Osto Bacchus in the right front leg with his left hand, bruising the bone!
A ligament has been torn!
Osto Bacchus counterattacks!
Osto Bacchus kicks The Drakeling in the head with her right front hoof, tearing the scale and bruising the muscle!
The Drakeling collides with Osto Bacchus! The Drakeling bounces backwards!

//'Swings, I forgot to cast Terrae Corpus! I'm done if I don't do that!

TM: G-g-geth offh miy!
//The Tired Mover takes the snake's fangs out of his cheek and throws the staff on the ground. Osto Bacchus turns to look at it for a second.
OB: You moron! Be careful with that!

The Drakeling breathes in and focuses, casting Terrae Corpus! The Drakeling's scales become as hard as rock!

Osto Bacchus kicks at The Drakeling, but The Drakeling dodges away!
The Drakeling counterattacks!
The Drakeling strikes Osto Bacchus in the lower body with his Dashing Rogue Punch, shattering the lower spine's bone!

//Osto Bacchus slumps forward as her hind legs collapse, kicking at the dirt with her front.
OB: No! No!!
Spike: Er...
//Skeleton or not, a being has a body. If you pulverize that, what's there left to do?
OB: I have died already once. I will not again!
Spike: You should have thought about that before you said you were going to kill and then enslave everybody.
//...When this is over, I'm going some _serious_ thinking.
OB: Sizmig, kill him!
//I hear a sudden buzzing sound behind me.

Sizmig Gloric strikes The Drakeling in the lower body with his left rear leg, bruising the muscle, and bruising the right kidney!
The Drakeling is propelled away from the force of the blow!
//I faceplant in the dirt a few yards away.

//THE ONLY THING HEAVIER THAN THAT HIT WAS YOUR MOTHER. YOU KNOW, BEFORE SHE ABANDONED YOU.
//What the hell?!
//Standing over Osto Bacchus is the cloud of blue mist, shaped like a pony with an old war coat and a greataxe on his back. A non-mist beehive is stuck over his head, angry bees swarming about. Is that what kicked me?
OB: Help me!
Sizmig Gloric: Mmmhm-hmmh-mmm--
OB: Seriously?! Take the fucking beehive off, you shithead!!
//The ghost(?) takes the beehive off his head and tosses it into the woods.
SG: I have standing orders to kill him. Which would you like me to do first?
OB: Kill him! Then help me!
//She digs her bony hooves at the ground, trying to pull herself over to where the snake and staff lie.

The Drakeling stands up.
SG: Shame, really.
Sizmig Gloric hacks at The Drakeling with his ☼ethereal greataxe☼, but The Drakeling dodges away!
The Drakeling counterattacks!
The Drakeling strikes Sizmig Gloric in the upper body with his Dashing Rogue Punch, but the attack passes through!
//What?! I can't hit him?!

SG: If circumstances were different, I'd imagine we could have become friends.
Spike: Why's that?
SG: You're trying to stop an evildoer.

Sizmig Gloric hacks at The Drakeling with his ☼ethereal greataxe☼ in the left upper arm, tearing the scale and tearing the muscle!
Spike: Yaaah!
//I leap backwards, away from the ghost!

Spike: How are you able to hit me?!
//Gloric shrugs. I guess he doesn't know either.
Spike: If you know how evil Osto Bacchus is, then why are you still trying to hurt me?! Stop! We can work together!
SG: I don't have any choice in the matter.

Sizmig Gloric hacks at The Drakeling with his ☼ethereal greataxe☼, but The Drakeling dodges away!

//Osto Bacchus drags herself forward, to just within reach of the staff.
Osto Bacchus picks up the +wooden staff+.

Osto Bacchus's ligaments twist and wrap around her bones!
The lower spine's bone has been regenerated! The right front leg's bone has been regenerated!
Osto Bacchus stands up.

Spike: _What_?!
//This is some crazy bullshit!
OB: Rod of Asclopius. Mechanical realization of an abstract concept. 'A staff that makes you better.'

The Drakeling breathes fire! The flames pass through Sizmig Gloric!
Sizmig Gloric counterattacks!
Sizmig Gloric kicks The Drakeling in the head with his left front hoof, denting the scale!

Osto Bacchus points at The Drakeling and casts Spell Blast!
The flying Spell Blast strikes The Drakeling in the upper body, tearing the scale, bruising the muscle and bruising the right true ribs!
The flying Spell Blast strikes The Drakeling in the lower body, tearing the scale, bruising the muscle and bruising the guts!
The flying Spell Blast strikes The Drakeling in the left upper leg, tearing the scale, bruising the muscle and bruising the bone!
The flying Spell Blast strikes The Drakeling in the right upper leg, tearing the scale, bruising the muscle and bruising the bone!

//HOLY SHIT YOU'RE GONNA BE PASTE BOY
SG: Watch where you're aiming that!
OB: Quit being a bitch!

Sizmig Gloric hacks at The Drakeling with his ☼ethereal greataxe☼, but The Drakeling dodges away!
//He's slow, and I could dodge him, but I can't keep dodging that axe and the Spell Blast forever! Did he yell at Osto Bacchus because he's vulnerable to magic?

OB: Not fighting back? Good, just give in.
Osto Bacchus points at The Drakeling and casts Spell Blast!
//Get him in the way!
The Drakeling leaps backwards, away from Sizmig Gloric!
Sizmig Gloric charges at The Drakeling!
The flying Spell Blast strikes Sizmig Gloric in the gas, and the severed part flies off in an arc!
Sizmig Gloric has been struck down!
//The blue mist dissipates, sinking back into the earth!

OB: You think you're clever?
Spike: Well, my day to day activities don't include hanging out in graveyards hitting people in the throat and evoking abominable spells. So I'd just call it intelligence.
OB: This is a _graveyard_. I summon spirits from dead bodies that you can't possibly fight. How do you possibly expect to defeat me?

Osto Bacchus waves her staff, evoking a spell!
A blue miasma begins to rise from the coffin, into the sky!
//The smell of mint returns for a second.

//A sigh is heard from the coffin.
//Celestia, how do I defeat this crazy skeleton bint?!
//From far away, as if coming from nowhere at all, a whisper drifts to me on the air, and I feel the presence of the sun:
C: (You cannot here. Use the Element of Surprise.)
Spike: (The Element of Surprise? Where is that?)
C: (In the catacombs.)
//The whispers fade, and the sun is put out.
//Damnit, I don't want to run... but what is it Heroes do more? Run or lose battles?
SG: Must we?
OB: Kill him!
//I'm no use to anyone if I'm just a corpse, or worse!

Spike: Don't think you've won!
The Drakeling leaps backwards, towards the top of the hill!
The Drakeling begins to run!

OB: Run, coward! Death will find you!
The Drakeling has ran away!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//Osto Bacchus winds her way through brick tunnels underneath Top Hill Cemetery, ligaments hanging in the still air. A snarl is present on her face (skull?) as she drags the Rod of Asclopius through the catacombs. It's trying to bite the torches on the wall.
Osto Bacchus: You stupid piece of shit snake, I'd kill you if I could!
//It flares out its fangs in response.
//To each side, holes are dug into the wall, bearing markings (presumably something meaningful seven centuries ago but just vague scribbles now) and coffins. Every so often, a broken picture frame with no painting, or a stone pony bust with golden teeth and headgear wrenched off appears. It's a good reminder of what this place once was, and what Osto Bacchus and her goons did to it.
Spike: (Literal graverobbing. Some people have no shame.)
//Although, since I haven't seen any jewelry here, I haven't found the Element of Surprise... when Celestia said that, I don't think she meant it was a necklace.
//YOU FUCKING THINK SO WELL STOP THE PRESSES
//Osto Bacchus stops, pausing for a second. She looks vaguely up for a moment, before continuing to walk.
OB: Caduceus. That's what it was. The caduceus.
//'Swings, she's a lot closer than I'd like, I should get moving. But to not make any noise in this armor I have to move slowly, and that means I can't get away quickly... why did I think this was a good idea?!
OB: It began with the mare with the caduceus. She was tall, dark, and had a funny way of speaking. It sounded like a recipe for trouble, but I saw the symbol on her flank. And I thought she was a practitioner of medicine, a mare who could give me what I needed.
//Is she... is this seriously the villainous dialogue where she lectures about her side of the story before losing? What is she, a Saturday morning cartoon?
OB: She was nothing of the sort. But she gave me exactly what I needed. That mysterious mare cured more ills than I'd ever known I had.
Spike: Including what, life and sanity?
OB: Shut up!

Osto Bacchus points at the tunnel and casts Spell Blast!
The flying spell blast strikes the +marble bust of a pony+ in the marble, and the severed part flies off in an arc!
//The acoustics here are weird, by talking the right way I can sound like my voice is coming from other places.
//IT ALWAYS SOUNDS LIKE THAT

OB: I have learned. I understand now. I see what she saw -- she who could somehow see what I only see now, even without experiencing it herself.
Spike: Oh, so this mare you fell in love with didn't have eyeballs either?
//Osto Bacchus grits her teeth.
OB: When I'm done with you, you won't think that joke was so funny!
Spike: Yeah, yeah; tell it to the last dozen people who threatened to kill me.
OB: Morons like you could never understand. This is not the Caduceus, it is different; the Caduceus is a symbol of trade and commerce. I was _traded_ the Rod, not given it.
Spike: I've heard of selling your body before, but this takes the cake!
OB: _Enough_!
//DO YOU THINK IF YOU MAKE HER ANGRY ENOUGH, SHE'LL BONE US? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE DOING?
OB: I was granted reprieve from death itself! I, Osto Bacchus, who died twenty years ago at the hooves of a dozen Inquisitors, have returned... but not of my own power.
//There isn't anybody in the world powerful enough to reverse death like that. I don't believe it!
Spike: In this delusional fantasy of yours, some dark mare with a Caduceus as her cutie mark--
//Those are still the dumbest two words ever--
Spike: --revived you, for what? Couldn't have been your personality.
OB: It was a trade, you stupid fuckwit. My life regained for something from me in return. Let it never be said that deals with devils are unprofitable. Do you know what she asked?
//Devils? Does she mean demons? A snake-thing couldn't have dug her up and revived her; that's just way too crazy to be true...
//Enjoying the sound of her own voice, Osto Bacchus continues:
OB: It said only, 'bring this power to rule'. The difference, young scalescum, between the gods that which is extant is simple. The gods follow less rules. And, on this day...

Osto Bacchus waves her staff, evoking a spell!
A blue miasma begins to rise from a coffin on the wall, swirling in the air!
//Mint travels down the hallway, but I'm long gone from there.
\\Besides, I hate mint.

//A pony of unidentifiable gender with a bow (the arrow kind) slithers out of the coffin, forming itself in blue mist in front of Osto Bacchus.

Pony Archer: Ug.
OB: Hunt down the drakeling in these passages. Kill him.
PA: Ug.
//The spirit floats in the opposite direction of where Osto Bacchus is walking. She continues.
OB: On this day that definition applies to me. And for it the world is mine.
Spike: Equestria will never bow to someone as evil as you!

Osto Bacchus leaps forward, towards The Drakeling!
//She jumps around the corner with frightening speed, pointing her bony horn!
Osto Bacchus points at the tunnel and casts Spell Blast!
The flying Spell Blast strikes the tunnel wall, chipping the stone!
//Whew, I almost didn't make it out of there in time...

//Disappointed with missing, Osto Bacchus slowly rises from attack position. She walks again.
OB: The world will be mine. The world must be mine. Power, you living sack of meat and filth, lies in difference. I am powerful because I have gone a journey others have not. This journey has brought me sight, so I can see beyond the petty ambitions of mortal mares.
Spike: Petty ambitions like, freedom and life and happiness.
OB: Yes!
Spike: You horrid bitch!

The Drakeling leaps away from the flying +ethereal arrow+!
//The hunter (huntress?) found me! I have to run!
//As I start running, the sound of my armor echoes through the tunnels. The Rod of Asclopius strains towards my footsteps, and Osto Bacchus runs to follow it, speaking as she gallops:
OB: I must rule because I am different. My journey has shown me the follies of normal perspective, of life-centric and greedy thought! I have visions none could but dream of; I see from angles once thought obscene. This is why my armies must envelop Equestria, and the world!
Spike: Because you died once? Big deal!
//I did that once! If total amnesia counts.
OB: I have seen what they cannot! This insight will usher in a new age, carried by the power granted me!
The Drakeling dodges away from the flying +ethereal arrow+!
PA: Ug.
OB: Shut up!

Osto Bacchus points at The Drakeling and casts Spell Blast!
The Pony Archer dodges away from the flying Spell Blast!
The flying Spell Blast strikes the tunnel wall, but the attack glances away!
PA: Ug!
OB: The reasons for, the axioms of civilized life are broken and shattered at my hooves. You cannot deny what you have seen!
Spike: What you're trying to kill me with!
OB: Exactly!
//I leap around a corner, then scramble the other way as the ghost archer appears in front of me!

The Drakeling leaps away from the flying +ethereal arrow+!
OB: Both the unwavering advance of death and the biological construction of the mind have been dispelled with a spell before me! There is no need for civilization to exist as it has! I will tear their fucking castles down and put ponykind's next step in their place!
Spike: You're no Prometheus; you're a loon!

//I take a right turn, trying to get away, but suddenly a great underground chamber appears!
//About a dozen or so ponies are scattered about the great chamber. Machinery (weird stuff with odd gears and levers) is centered around the six huge pillars which hold the ceiling up. Piles of coffins, empty and full, lie everywhere. Two ponies are pushing a wide cart, covered with a few bottles of golden liquid and many more empty bottles.
Pushing Stallion: Is that the boss?
Pushing Mare: I don't know. Boss?
Pushing Stallion: Hey, boss? We need to milk the staff again, our supp--

The Drakeling dodges away from the flying +ethereal arrow+!
The flying +ethereal arrow+ strikes the bottle in the glass, and the severed part flies off in an arc!
The bottle has been shot and killed!
//FUCKDAMNIT PAY ATTENTION BOY
//Golden liquid pools on the cart, dripping onto the ground!

//The ponies in the chamber all scramble away!
PS: Waaaagh!
PM: Get down!
//I run into the chamber and take cover behind the cart. I might just be hoping Osto Bacchus doesn't see me here.
//Osto Bacchus leaps into the chamber, side by side with the blue wisps that make up the pony archer!
OB: Where is he?!
PS: The cart!
PM: Behind the cart!
//Damnit!

//Osto Bacchus stares at the dripping gold for a small time, and then turns to her apparition.
OB: Did you do that?
PA: Ug.
OB: Then get the fuck out of here, you shitbrain! Do you know how much effort those things take to make?!
//With a last grunt, the pony archer fades down into the ground, leaving nothing behind.
//Osto Bacchus narrows her eyes at me through the cart, and starts to deliberately inch her way forward.
OB: Besides, I should be able to take care of this little--

//THROW THE CART AT HER IT'LL BE FUNNY
The Drakeling throws the cart by the steel!
//The cart tumbles end over end, bouncing off the ground once! Bottles fly off everywhere!
The tumbling cart strikes Osto Bacchus in the upper body, shattering the right false rib!
A ligament has been severed!
The flying -empty bottle- strikes Osto Bacchus in the head, bruising the skull!
The flying -empty bottle- strikes Osto Bacchus in the left rear hoof, bruising the bone!
The flying -empty bottle- strikes Osto Bacchus in the right front leg, but the attack glances away!
//Just like before, the snake hisses, and Osto Bacchus's wounds begin to heal!

//I look at my hands, dumbfounded.
Spike: Why did I do that?!
//I have no cover now!
The Drakeling leaps backwards, away from Osto Bacchus!

Osto Bacchus points at The Drakeling and casts Spell Blast!
The Drakeling dodges away from the flying Spell Blast!
The Drakeling slams into the obstacle!
//I take cover behind the huge pillar!
The flying Spell Blast dissipates into the air!

//Celestia's wings, this is bad. This is so bad! I can't go out there and fight, she'll tear me apart with her Spell Blast before I get close!
\\You can fight her if you do get close, all you have to--
//But I can't!
\\All you have to do is take the staff from her and your wounds will be healed. I think. But you can't defeat her without taking that staff.
//How am I going to take the staff?
\\She was hurt by dragonfire earlier, right? Maybe try that?
//I peek my head out from behind the pillar, trying to see how close--

Osto Bacchus points at The Drakeling and casts Spell Blast!
The flying Spell Blast strikes the pillar in the basalt, chipping the stone!

//That idea won't work. She's too far away. Oh, Celestia; my enemy has strong HP regen and an overpowered ranged attack and I'm a melee fighter; who designed this bullcrap?
\\The ponies in the chamber are taking cover now, but won't be for long. And Osto Bacchus might decide to summon that archer back to flush you out. Whatever you do, think quick!
OB: Come out, drakeling. I only want to play.
Spike: With my corpse!
OB: And?
//HEY REMEMBER WHEN YOU PROMISED YOU'D GIVE ME A CHANCE TO TAKE THE REINS
//I didn't say anything like that!
//YOU TOTALLY DID
//No, I wouldn't, because you're a crazy asshole!
//OKAY, TRUE, BUT YOU'RE GOING TO FUCKING DIE LIKE A BITCH ANYWAY AND I KIND OF WANT TO HAVE SOME FUN. PLEASE?
//No!
//ARE YOU SURE? WHAT DO YOU REALLY EXPECT TO DO HERE THAT'S BETTER THAN ME MESSING AROUND?
//Anything! Go away!
//COME ON, THINK ABOUT IT.
//...No, I won't even think about it!
//YOU'RE BEING UNREASONABLE.
OB: You idiots, what are you just standing there for?! Get a stick or something and attack him!
//...Ah, what the hell; I'm gonna die anyway.
//THAT'S THE SHITTY SPIRIT.

//I let the dragon instinct enter my mind and fill my consciousness. The inside of my head starts to get hotter, and hotter; it fills with a painful buzzing sensation...

The Drakeling booms out fell laughter!
OB: That sounds promising. Maybe after I kill you, you can teach me how to laugh like that.
Spike (Dragon Instinct): FUCK YOU AND FUCK EVERYTHING
The Drakeling strikes the pillar in the basalt with his Fist of Justice, shattering the stone! Severed parts fly off in arcs!
The Drakeling strikes the pillar in the basalt with his Fist of Justice, shattering the stone, and the severed part flies off in an arc!
The pillar has been struck down! The ceiling starts to sag!

//Woah! Okay, get out of me! You're crazy!!
//YOU EXPECTED THE TOOTH FAIRY?
//The pillar has been completely punched through! Ow, my hands...
//Osto Bacchus stares at me, dumbfounded, from the section of the pillar I (the dragon instinct) completely destroyed. In a moment, she regains her senses.
Osto Bacchus points at The Drakeling and casts Spell Blast!
The flying Spell Blast strikes the pillar in the basalt, chipping the stone!
//Her aim was too high. More debris falls off the pillar, and it starts to drag the ceiling down even more --
//A rock falls from the ceiling, headed for right where Osto Bacchus is standing!

Osto Bacchus dodges away from the falling basalt!
The basalt slams into the ground, shattering into a million pieces!
//For a quick moment, all eyes in the chamber are focused on the roof next to the shattered pillar, as cracks start crawling along the underside of many thousand tons of stone. I look down at the ponies in the chamber, all the complex heavy machinery, the destroyed pillar, the remaining five pillars, the marked piles of coffins, and finally my own fists.
\\I have an idea...
//DRAGON INSTINCT SAVES THE DAY ONCE A-FUCKING-GAIN.
//Let's do this!

OB: No!
Osto Bacchus points at The Drakeling and casts Spell Blast!
The Drakeling dodges away from the flying Spell Blast!
//I have to make it to the next pillar!

The Drakeling leaps away from Osto Bacchus! The Drakeling starts to run!

Spike: You're not fit to rule just because you're dead, you bony freak!
OB: Shut up!

Osto Bacchus points her horn at The Drakeling and starts to cast a spell!
//I leap preemptively, putting machinery between me and Osto Bacchus!
Osto Bacchus casts Stupefy!
The flying beam strikes the machinery in the gears!
//The gear spins with a whizzing sound, doing nothing!
Spike: Not everyone who's powerful deserves a shot at it, either!
OB: I'll kill you!

Osto Bacchus points at The Drakeling and casts Spell Blast!
The flying Spell Blast strikes the machinery, and the severed parts fly off in arcs!
The flying Spell Blast strikes The Drakeling in the lower body, tearing apart the scale and bruising the muscle!
//WHAT, YOU'RE GOING TO JUST DIE LIKE THAT AND WASTE EVERYTHING I'VE DONE FOR YOU?

//It's only a little ways to the next pillar!
The Drakeling leaps backwards, away from Osto Bacchus!
Osto Bacchus starts to run!
The Drakeling starts to run!
Osto Bacchus points at The Drakeling and casts Spell Blast!
The flying Spell Blast strikes the pillar in the basalt, chipping the stone!
Spike: Thanks for the help!
OB: _Fuck yourself_!

//I need to have a calm sense of justice about this, but... I really just wanna freaking kill her!
Spike: Alternative perspectives are different from the norm, not necessarily better. This means you are simply a slaver.
The Drakeling strikes the pillar in the basalt with his Fist of Justice, shattering the stone! Severed parts fly off in arcs!
OB: Stop! I can bring them what they never knew! What you could never know!
Spike: There may be wisdom in multiple perspectives, but if you must experience a perspective to empathize with it, you don't have the innate wisdom necessary to rule.
OB: 'Wisdom'? What kind of wisdom is it to fight against the dissolution of death itself?!
Spike: You would not be giving anyone absolution; simply killing them and placing in their stead the people who you want them to be. In this case, forcing obedience to you. You are powerful, but evil. Of all the things you deserve, to rule is least.
The Drakeling strikes the pillar in the basalt with his Fist of Justice, shattering the stone, and the severed part flies off in an arc!
The pillar has been struck down! The ceiling starts to sag even further!

//Osto Bacchus cries out in a shrill voice that echoes through the chamber:
OB: You idiots! He's bringing the chamber down! We'll lose everything! _Do something_!
//The ponies in the chamber scramble to grab whatever they can, and rush towards me!

The Drakeling leaps backwards, away from Osto Bacchus!

The Goon strikes The Drakeling in the head with his steel pipe, but the attack glances away!
The Drakeling breathes fire! The Goon is caught in the dragonfire! The Goon's right front leg has been burnt to a crisp!
Goon: Aaaaaaah!!
//Hopefully that should keep them away!

The Drakeling starts to run!
The Goon charges at The Drakeling!
The Goon kicks at The Drakeling with his right rear hoof, but The Drakeling dodges away!
The Drakeling counterattacks!
The Drakeling strikes The Goon in the lower body with his Dashing Rogue Punch, bruising the muscle, bruising the guts, shattering the bone and tearing apart the lower spine's nervous tissue!
The Goon falls over!

Osto Bacchus points at The Drakeling and casts Spell Blast!
The flying Spell Blast strikes The Goon in the upper body! It collapses into a lump of gore!
The Goon has been struck down!
OB: _Get out of the fucking way_!
Spike: Your aim is crap!

//Osto Bacchus rises herself up, reading one of the coffins next to her.
OB: Screw this! Time to die, drakeling!
Osto Bacchus waves her staff, evoking a spell!
A blue miasma begins to rise from the coffin, swirling in the air!
//A figure rises from the coffin!
\\I am never going to like mint ever again Celestia damn it.

The Goon bites The Drakeling in the left upper arm, denting the scale!
The Goon latches on firmly!
Spike: Get off!
The Drakeling kicks The Goon in the upper body with his right foot, bruising the muscle, bruising the left true ribs and bruising the heart!
The Goon is propelled away by the force of the blow!
The Goon releases the grip of The Goon's upper front teeth on The Drakeling's left upper arm.
//Come on, come on, keep running!

//I try to get a glimpse of the spirit Osto Bacchus just summoned. It's a bipedal person, wearing a cape and holding a nasty-looking sword. Hold on, it almost looks like a drakel--
//OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK FUCK FUCK
OB: Kill him!
Bothersome Jester: Kill who, my dear? I have not lain for five hundred years to be given vague orders from hysterical--
OB: The drakeling! Kill the fucking drakeling!
Bothersome Jester: As you wish, my dear.
//FUCK SHIT GET GOING SHIT
//What?! Who is that?!
//LET'S JUST FUCKING SAY OSTO BACCHUS IS NO LONGER THE DEADLIEST CUNT IN THE ROOM

//The blue mist of a drakeling floats towards me, raising his sword!
The Drakeling leaps backwards, away from The Ghost Drakeling!
Spike: Even raising one of my people for your purposes... as if enslaving us during life wasn't enough!
The Drakeling strikes the pillar in the basalt with his Fist of Justice, shattering the stone! Severed parts fly off in arcs!
OB: Kill him kill him kill him kill him--
BJ: The gods themselves found me a challenge. What do you expect to do, hmm?

The Ghost Drakeling slashes at The Drakeling with his ☼ethereal greatsword☼, but The Drakeling dodges away!
The Ghost Drakeling slashes at The Drakeling with his ☼ethereal greatsword☼, but The Drakeling dodges away!
The Ghost Drakeling slashes The Drakeling with his ☼ethereal greatsword☼ in the right hand, tearing apart the scale, tearing apart the muscle and shattering the bone!

//Damnit ow ow owowowowowwww why do ghosts hurt so much
\\And how is anyone this fast with a sword?! He moves like lightning!
//Slightly disappointed, the spirit withdraws from combat for a moment, holding his sword up.
BJ: Cursed instinct... why do you malign me now?
//NO ONE EVER LIKED YOU, NOT EVEN WHEN YOU WERE ALIVE. YOU JUST RUINED THINGS FOR EVERYBODY, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! I'M GLAD YOUR STRIKES BARELY HIT!
//_Barely hit_?! You jackass!!
\\Wow. Should I give you three a candle-light hate date alone somewhere? Or can I finish _tearing down this Celestia-damned cavern already_?!
Spike: Stay in hell where you all belong!
The Drakeling strikes the pillar in the basalt with his Fist of Justice, shattering the stone, and the severed part flies off in an arc!
The pillar has been struck down! The ceiling starts to crumble!

The Goon dodges away from the falling basalt!
The basalt slams into the ground, shattering into a million pieces!

Osto Bacchus dodges away from the falling basalt!
The basalt slams into the ground, shattering into a million pieces!

The falling basalt strikes The Goon in the head, bruising the muscle, shattering the skull, driving the skull through the brain and tearing apart the brain!
The Goon has been struck down!

//For a terrified moment, everyone looks up. The cracks radiating from the two earlier broken pillars form a web together, worsening from the additional strain. The newest cracks nearly sprint across the ceiling, meeting up with the old.
A section of the cavern has collapsed!
//A gargantuan chunk of basalt loosens itself from the ceiling. There is only silence as it falls.

Osto Bacchus leaps away from the falling layer of stone!
The Goon leaps away from the falling layer of stone!
The Goon leaps away from the falling layer of stone!

//The gargantuan rock crushes two piles of coffins and six machines beneath it, sending flying bits of wood and gears everywhere, kicking up dust dozens of feet into the air, and shaking the entire chamber with its boom!

Spike: Sweet Celestia!
OB: Fuck!
BJ: Oh dear.

//A rumbling sound is heard through the entire chamber, echoing from all sides. It shakes the very floor beneath us.
//Similar chunks start to loosen themselves from the ceiling.
//SUCCESS
//Shit!

A section of the cavern has collapsed!
OB: Get me the hell out of here!
//Osto Bacchus gallops towards the spirit (and me) as the goons start to scream and run, trying to escape any way they can.
BJ: Your desire is my duty.
//The ethereal drakeling floats over to Osto Bacchus, with an absent smile on his face.
//WHY ARE YOU NOT MOVING YET YOU IDIOT
//Because, crap! I completely forgot about the ankh Quine lost! And now the ceiling's collapsing!
\\Oh yeah. Are we a bad hero?

The Ghost Drakeling grabs Osto Bacchus by the head with his left hand!
The Ghost Drakeling grabs Osto Bacchus by the head with his right hand!
OB: What, what are you--
The Ghost Drakeling throws Osto Bacchus by the head!
//He threw her directly into a wooden chest!

A section of the cavern has collapsed!
Osto Bacchus collides with the *mahogany chest*!
Osto Bacchus's head takes the full force of the impact, shattering the skull!
Osto Bacchus's head has lodged firmly in the wound!
//The chest spills over with personal effects! Out come gems, gold, scrolls, books, potions of golden liquid, rings, and--
\\There it is! There's the grey ankh! We have to get it!
//THE CEILING IS COMING DOWN, FUCK THE ANKH. I'LL PUT IN A GOOD WORD FOR YOU INSTEAD.

A section of the cavern has collapsed!
A section of the cavern has collapsed!

The Drakeling leaps forward, towards Osto Bacchus!
The Drakeling grabs the ankh! The Drakeling grabs the potion of golden liquid!
//Osto Bacchus extracts her head from the wooden chest, skull healed.
OB: _What the shit_?!
BJ: (Never entrust yourself to the genie.)
//Several slabs of basalt slam into the cavern floor, shaking the chamber violently!

BJ: (Now that it is too loud to hear orders, let it be known this mare's lack of clarity led to her demise. I wish you better luck, master drakeling.)
//The spirit fades into the ground, leaving. Who was that guy?
//A GUY WHO'S NOT GOING TO GET PANCAKED
Osto Bacchus kicks The Drakeling in the head with her right front hoof, shattering the scale and bruising the muscle!
A section of the cavern has collapsed!
OB: You asshole!

The Drakeling leaps backwards, away from Osto Bacchus!
//I look around for a quick moment. There's not enough time for me to get to any exits! I have to hope the odd alcove behind me holds up!
The Drakeling starts to run!

OB: You ruined, you ruined everything! I hate you!
//Osto Bacchus extracts herself from the chest and starts to chase after me! How am I going to get her off my tail?
\\She left the staff behind, just pulverize her.
//Oh, yeah.

//Still running, I drink the golden vial, and my wounds start to heal!

OB: I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I _hate you_!
Osto Bacchus points at The Drakeling and casts Spell Blast!
The flying Spell Blast strikes The Drakeling in the upper body, tearing the scale, bruising the muscle and bruising the right true ribs!
The flying Spell Blast strikes The Drakeling in the lower body, tearing the scale, bruising the muscle and bruising the guts!
The flying Spell Blast strikes The Drakeling in the left upper leg, tearing the scale, bruising the muscle and bruising the bone!
The flying Spell Blast strikes The Drakeling in the right upper leg, tearing the scale, bruising the muscle and bruising the bone!

//Doesn't matter, just keep running, the entire ceiling is starting to collapse, almost there...
The Drakeling collides with the obstacle!
\\Okay, that looked less like a wall from over there!!
//I spin around.

OB: Die, you stupid idiot who ruined everything, I hate--
Spike: You should have stayed dead!
//Crazy undead bint!

A section of the cavern has collapsed! The ceiling falls!
The Drakeling breathes fire! Osto Bacchus leaps backwards, away from the dragonfire!
//I press myself against the wall and pray to Celestia. There's nothing more I can do!
//Osto Bacchus stands up, cursing:
OB: Hate you hate you--

//The stone slams into the cavern floor!
Osto Bacchus has been crushed under the collapsing ceiling!
The Drakeling has been caught in a burst of basalt!
//No! I can't die yet! I've barely even lived!

//...
Osto Bacchus has been defeated!
Spike earned 5000 experience points!
Spike is now level 17!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//Clouds of dust spiral out of the mountain of settling rock and dirt. Ash floods into the hole torn in the surface. That was the least pleasant experience I have had in my entire life.
\\And seriously, who was that drakeling?
//I claw a handful of dust out of my eyes and try to read the scratchings on the ankh in my hand.
Spike: 'I live a strange aeon.' There wasn't enough room to scratch 'in'. Unless you drew an arrow and wrote it on one of the sides, but that would make it look terrible... grammatical incorrectness, terrible inscription design. Not sure which is worse, really.
//The bones of Osto Bacchus, several dead bodies in coffins dug up by her team and the machinery of her whole operation lay below thousands of tons of stone. Nothing remains beside the ankh in my hand.
//Out of the hole I can see the sun, starting to rise far away. It shines past where a forest once was, and illuminates the cavern.
//...Crap, I can't get out.
Spike: If I had a pick, or a rope of some sort...
//Technically, I can get out of here, I just have to wait an unspecified amount of time...
//Nope. There must be some cave or passage hidden in the shadows around here because I am not waiting in a dirty hole to wait to grow wings.
//YES, I UNDERSTAND YOUR PERSONAL QUEST IS TO EXPERIENCE AS MANY DIRTY HOLES AROUND EQUESTRIA AS POSSIBLE.
//I didn't think you were clever enough for puns.
//BACK AT YOU.
Spike: ...Twilight?
//Silence.
//WHY IS IT THAT YOU CALL HER NAME AS SOON AS YOU'RE IN TROUBLE? ARE YOU WORRIED THE SEXUAL TENSION SHE CREATED ISN'T GOING TO RESULT IN EVACUATION OF YOUR DICKSNOT IF YOU DON'T SEE HER SOON?
Spike: Screw you. Twilight is a good friend and I'm not going to let you weird up that situation.
//SHIP FUCKING SAILED, MORON. SHE HANDED YOU A BOOK OF DRAGONS AND PONIES BANGING LIKE RABBITS AND ASKED YOU TO STUDY WHAT'S IN IT. AS DEMONSTRATED BY CIRCUMSTANCE TIME AND TIME AGAIN, YOU HAVEN'T FUCKING GOT A CLUE, SO LET ME SPELL IT FOR YOU: YOU, DRAGON; SHE, PONY. SHE WANTS YOU BANG BANG.
Spike: Okay, one, her words were totally not that at all --
//YEAH, SHE JUST MADE IT _SEEM_ LIKE SHE WANTED TO MOUNT YOU.
Spike: _And two_, if I had taken her advice it would have really helped against the spiderpony I was fighting earlier.
//SCREW THAT, JUST KEEP BURNING DOWN FORESTS AND COLLAPSING HILLS INTO THE GROUND. I THINK AT THIS POINT WE COUNT AS AN ECOLOGICAL EVENT.
Spike: 'We'? You must be going soft on me, instinct.
//I KNEW YOU WANTED A PART OF YOURSELF HARD.
Spike: That was a stretch.
//SO'S THIS: UNSOLICITED ADVICE FROM UNCLE INSTINCT. GO FUCK YOURSELF.
Spike: If I could do that I wouldn't be suffering from whatever it is you think I'm suffering from.
//PART TWO OF ADVICE GO FUCK YOURSELF: DON'T TRUST YOUR MENTORS. I DON'T LIKE HOW EITHER OF THEM ARE ACTING.
Spike: You don't like much, do you.
//I LIKE IT WHEN YOU SHUT UP.
Spike: Either of them? What do you mean?
//TWILIGHT, OBVIOUSLY, WANTS TO PIN YOU DOWN AND SLATHER YOU IN HER MAREGREASE, TOTALLY TRANSPARENT, BUT I'M HAVING A BIT OF TROUBLE FIGURING OUT WHAT CELESTIA WANTS.
Spike: Celestia?!
//YOU KNOW, THE PERSON WHO DECIDED YOU WERE IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO APPEAR TO IN DREAMS. LISTEN UP, LITTLE ONE, BECAUSE THE ASSCARRIAGE WITH THOUSANDS OF YEARS OF EXPERIENCE IS SPEAKING: ONE, YOU AREN'T IMPORTANT, SO SOMETHING'S UP; AND TWO, CELESTIA IS BAD NEWS. BAD, BAD, _BAD_.
Spike: You're totally wrong with this one. (Oh, and everything else, too, but especially this one.) Celestia is the reason civilization has persisted and flourished for the last thousand years; her philosophic, philanthropic, technological and thaumic contributions to Equestria are the major contributor to the high standard of living we enjoy.
//WHATEVER. WARNING DELIVERED. HAVE A SHITTY LIFE, STOOGE.
Spike: Wait, 'delivered'? Did someone tell you to say this? Why are you telling me to watch out for Celestia?
//NOPE. BYE.
Spike: 'Swings, you're such an ass.
//OH, I ALMOST FORGOT TO MENTION: IN SUPPORT OF THE QUEST TO GET AN ACTUAL DRAGON TO BE YOUR MENTOR, THERE'S A TUNNEL HIDDEN IN SHADOW AT THE NORTH END OF THE CAVERN, JUST A FOOT ABOVE NOW-GROUND-LEVEL. LATER.
//Cool, he was telling the truth. Guess that guy's only a jerk 99.9 percent of the time.
Spike: Time to get going. I, uh... I'll come back some day and fix this. I promise.

//The catacombs quickly give way to a simple dirt tunnel with no branches. I'd turn something into a torch to see better, but there may be enemies down here I'd like to avoid. If they weren't, say, caught in a hillside collapse.
//My foot strikes a stone as I'm walking. A sound comes from down the cave, like someone drawing in air.
Nameless Mutterer: No! Go away! Leave me alone!
//I freeze, leaning against the wall. Sound takes over for light, and I hear nothing but the dim echo of the cave.
Nameless Mutterer: Please! Just leave me be!
//Did that sound... tearful?
//I shift onto my other foot, as quietly as possible. This could be a trap, or even if not the voice could lash out at any moment.
Nameless Mutterer: Are you... are you still there?
//The voice sounds female, but with a rasp to it that I can't place. Certainly not a dragon; maybe a mare who enjoys a pipe?
//A mare who enjoys a pipe. Wow, I really just thought that.
Nameless Mutterer: ...I don't want to be a subject anymore.
//A subject? This voice was an unwilling participant in Osto Bacchus's experiments? It could still all be a ruse to trick me into speaking, but maybe I should know more...
NM: ...Hello?
Spike: Uh, hi?
//Immediately an outburst comes from the cave walls.
NM: No! Please, no more! I won't help you any more, so go away and be done with it!
Spike: Hold on, what--
NM: Please, just go! I'll -- I'll hurt you! I'm serious, I mean it! Don't make me, because I will! I really will!
//This response to my greeting is better than expected (if still odd).
Spike: I'm confused. Who do you think I am?
NM: ...
//I hear a silence, but the silence of a person who is there. It sounds different.
NM: ...Who are you?
Spike: Spike. I'm a Hero, I defeated Osto Bacchus and her crew.
NM: Was that the loud rumbling?
Spike: Oh, you heard that...
NM: I think the whole realm heard it.
Spike: So if you were a subject in the experiments Osto Bacchus was performing, or if her crew gave you trouble of any sort, you don't have to worry about that from now on.
NM: ...Who are you?
Spike: Uh, Spike.
NM: Spike?
Spike: Spike.
//Silence returns, but it is a different silence. It is the silence of someone thinking.
Spike: I didn't mean to bother you, miss -- missus -- or mister -- uh, friend, but I'm afraid I can't find a way to the surface except through your territory. So, um, if I could be so bold as to ask you a favor...
NM: What are you?
//The question derails my train of thought.
Spike: Um, what?
NM: What are you? I'm looking at you, but I can't seem to figure out what you are...
//It can see in the dark. Glad I decided to go the peaceful route, then.
Spike: I'm... a dragon.
NM: Hhh.
//I think that was a sound of thinking hard. Or sudden cardiac arrest; can't be too sure.
NM: You don't look like a dragon.
Spike: Imagine me on a big pile of gold and several times larger.
NM: Don't dragons have wings?
Spike: At a certain age.
NM: I thought dragons were born with wings.
Spike: And I thought people respected the bodily integrity of others, but here we are.
NM: Do you have a fever?
//...
Spike: No. Why do you ask?
NM: No reason.
//What a strange question to ask. Who is this odd person?
Spike: So, about that way to the surface...
NM: Oh! That's blocked off.
Spike: Darn! What's blocking it off?
NM: A tree root grew over the entrance. Which is strange; it wasn't anywhere near there last week.
//Good, that must have burnt off in the fire by now. Score one for ecological disasters.
NM: How fast do tree roots grow?
Spike: Dunno. Say, what's your name?
N-M: I'm Na-Mira. Who are you?
Spike: ...Spike.
N-M: Oh, right, you said that earlier. What are you doing here, anyway?
Spike: ...I said that earlier, too.
//This silly person can't remember two minutes ago.
N-M: Did you? You did... oh! Hihihihihihi!
//That is most certainly the oddest laughter a creature of this world can produce.
N-M: You're a Hero! Isn't that right?
Spike: Yeah, and I was wondering--
N-M: What is it a Hero does?
//With all these questions, I can barely ask for directions to the surface!
Spike: Well, I help people--
N-M: How? Where? Which people?
Spike: --that are in dangerous situations they're not prepared to handle. For example, I defeated Osto Bacchus and her crew so the people of this region wouldn't have to see their dead dug up and experimented on.
N-M: You did?! What are we standing around here for, then?! Let's get out of here!
Spike: Back the way I came there's no exit. Could you take me to the exit that was blocked by the root?
N-M: Sure, follow me!
Spike: I can't see in the darkness.
//Another silence returns as Na-Mira contemplates.
N-M: Are you sure?
Spike: Am I sure -- of course I'm sure!
//Maybe a little rude, but this person is starting to wear at my patience.
//A long silence follows. Did I offend her/him/it?

The Lamiequus pokes The Drakeling in the upper body!

Spike: Hey!
N-M: Hhhck! Quit swinging your arms!
Spike: Don't do that to me! It's weird!
N-M: You're really hot.
//My train of angry thoughts comes to a screeching halt. What?
N-M: Are you sure you don't have a fever?
Spike: No! I mean, yes! Can you take me to the exit?!
N-M: Sure I can. It's blocked off by a root, but if you're really a dragon, you can breathe fire. Can you breathe fire?
Spike: Yes.
//Na-Mira breathes oddly again, thinking.
N-M: Then I'm going to stand behind you.
//A hoof-sized something, very cold, pushes me forward from behind. I walk along the wall, slowly.
N-M: So, you said you're a Hero, right?
Spike: Yeah. What did you say you were doing down here?
N-M: Hck... I didn't.
//Also, what's with the weird noises?
Spike: I know, I would have remembered.
N-M: It's a... it's not a long story, actually, now that I think about it. A few friends and I wanted to take the trail to Canterlot. Or, whereever--
Spike: A few friends? Are they around?
N-M: I haven't seen them in two weeks. One of them was a griffon named Teddy, the other -- hck, the other looked like a big snake demon? Illusionist Kelpie, she was.
//If there is one thing I would like to meet less than a Kelpie or a snake demon, it is the unholy union of the two.
Spike: Nope, haven't seen either. Maybe they escaped the area.
N-M: I hope they stayed in town or in the area. We should probably check with the Hillians; they took us in as soon as they saw Wafa in disguise.
//Wafa. I sincerely hope that is not the same monster as I fought earlier.
Spike: The who?
N-M: Uh, the Hillians? They live here? Unless Bacchus drove them out within a week or so they've still got to be there.
//Within a week? Didn't the gatekeeper say: 'Oh, yah. Big ponies with dark suits and far away eyes. Arrived a few months ago, now.'?
Spike: Uh, Osto Bacchus has been here for months. Unless my source was unreliable, though he did disappear oddly...
N-M: Uh, no! It was very clearly ten nights ago my friends disappeared and those goons started dragging me off to take measurements.
//How rude!
//The room ahead is filled with thin light, peeking through the burnt tendrils of absence, where roots once were. I walk forward quickly, steadying myself against the wall.
Spike: Exit, coming right up. Where's the largest hole?
//I turn around to look up at the roots.
//In front of me in the pale light, also looking up, is a beast whose body and legs are that of a dark pink pony and whose head is that of a great snake, fangs one foot long and curved inwards.
Spike: Gaaah!

The Drakeling falls backwards, away from The Lamiequus!

//Na-Mira whirls around, searching desperately in the darkness.
N-M: What?! What is it?! Another goon?!
Spike: Snake!
//Na-Mira lifts a leg to kick.
N-M: Where?!
//I breathe, and think for a moment. Why is this surprising?
\\The combat text did say 'Lamiequus' back there, after all.
//Hush we're not supposed to comment on the game's technical limitations!
Spike: Uh... sorry. I think I might have overreacted.
//She lowers her leg and stands less tense.
N-M: Oh. You meant me.
Spike: Sorry, it wasn't what I was expecting. Er, not 'it', you; or your body's, uh... lack of standard biological form.
N-M: You can't see in the dark?
Spike: I thought we established that. You had to lead me.
N-M: Hck, _duh_, I knew you can't see _things_ in the dark because they're the same as ambient temperature, but even cold-blooded I'm fairly thermal--
Spike: Dragons don't have infrared.
//Na-Mira holds a hoof to her chin (where her chin would be). A long time passes as she stares at the cavern floor.
N-M: You know, I always assumed they did, but I never thought to ask...
//Twilight pops into existence next to me in a burst of scentless air, rubbing sleep out of her eyes.
T: Hey Spike, sorry it took so long, I ran into my old infothaumics professor and we just -- WHAT THE CELESTIA IS THAT?!

The Unicorn leaps backwards, away from The Lamiequus!

The Unicorn points at The Lamiequus and casts a spell! The Unicorn casts Helium Flash!

//Na-Mira screams.
Spike: Twilight, no!

The Lamiequus jumps away from the beam!

The beam expands in the narrow hallway! The soil is caught in the spell! The soil has been burnt to a crisp! The Drakeling is caught in the spell! The Drakeling's right upper arm has been singed!

//DAMNIT OW I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T FEEL FLAME
//I don't know! Twilight's crazy, she's not normal!
Spike: Stop! It's not an enemy!
T: _Then what the hell is it_?
Spike: A friend, who was showing me the way out to the surface!
T: Spike, there's a small list of people in the world who you can be friends with. _A snake-faced monstrosity is not among them_.
N-M: _Sorry_, then, if I don't look like another halfwit standing around turning grass into crap. How would it be most convenient for me to die?
T: Quietly!

The Unicorn points at The Lamiequus and starts to cast a spell!

The Drakeling grabs The Unicorn by the left ear with his right hand! The Drakeling grabs The Unicorn by the right ear with his left hand!

Spike: Stop! You're being unreasonable!

//Twilight stares at me from beneath her horn, head lowered. We both blink a few times and look around; I let go of her ears and feel a bit silly.

Spike: Na-Mira's not going to hurt either of us, Twilight.
T: It has a _name_?!
N-M: Also gender and feelings, so you can watch your tongue!
T: Oh, I will _so_ turn you into paste, girl, you don't even _know_--
Spike: Twilight!
//She stops in mid-gesture and stands with her head high, glaring at Na-Mira.
Spike: I can't ask you to like everyone I get help from (and I doubt I'm going to like everyone who helps me) but I think it's fair to ask you _not to threaten to kill them_.
//Na-Mira takes a tentative step forward, pulling her fangs back.
N-M: I know we started off on the wrong hoof, and you probably think I'm as ugly as I definitely think you are, but if you're willing to look past the fact I'm part snake then I'm willing to look past the fact you just tried to kill me and maybe things will get better from there.
T: ...
Spike: Twilight.
T: Fine. Where are we going?
Spike: Aren't you going to apologize?
T: No. Where are we going?
N-M: We were trying to find the exit here that was blocked off by a root. Spike said he could burn it off with dragonfire.
Spike: It's probably burnt off already. Where was it?
T: 'Already', what do you mean, 'already'...
N-M: Just over there, by the far wall.
//We look over to the far wall. A mound of ash lies in the hole to the surface.
//In a little voice, Twilight says:
T: Oh no. No, no, no!
//Twilight rushes through the opening to the surface. I run after her and Na-Mira follows behind.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//The sky above the forest is the color of a beautiful person, left out to dry for a week and cut up.
Spike: Hmm, the way that cloud is shaped, it looks like decaying adipose tissue. Do you see it?
//Smoke drifts up from the distant forest fire, building towering pillars up into the clouds that weave light into strong reds and yellows in the sunrise. Surrounding us is a forest like television tuned to a dead channel, charred and lifeless. There is nothing left above head level.
Spike: No? Just me? Okay.
N-M: This... this forest, there was a forest here. Right?
//Twilight whips about and yells,
T: What did you do?!
//ISN'T IT KIND OF OBVIOUS?
Spike: I didn't mean to, really...
T: _Didn't mean to_?!
N-M: You did this?
Spike: It was an accident!
T: And that makes it any better?!
Spike: ...It was a life or death situation.
N-M: The Hillians, they had groves for the animals to graze... the animals ran away before I could get close. But I wouldn't wish this on them. I wouldn't wish this on anybody.
//I didn't see any groves.
T: Do you know how much damage this is going to do to the ecosystem, regional geopolitics, biodiversity -- do you have any idea?!
//She's not going to listen to anything I say until she's done yelling, so there's no point in responding.
T: Seven rare species of tortoise found their home in this forest. Three unique species of skylark, that lived only here. At least a dozen famous flowers grew only in the Valley's soil, wide fields of them in the north tended for generations. Gone! Agriculture, lumber, tourism, ecological study, pilgrimage -- every single life that shapes this valley and is shaped by it in turn you have destroyed with your stupid careless mouth!
//Na-Mira looks bewildered for a moment.
N-M: I had no idea this valley was settled.
//Didn't she get here two weeks ago? How could she not know that?
T: What are you going to say when the death toll comes out? When you have the blood of X innocent people on your hands, where X is a number _significantly greater than zero_?
Spike: ...I don't know.
//Twilight snorts and trots away furiously.
T: I can't deal with you right now. I'm going back to Canterlot.
//In a puff of scentless air, Twilight disappears.
//Na-Mira walks quietly to my side, stepping over ashen root holes.
N-M: Your friend was very angry.
Spike: She's right to be angry. People are going to lose their lives because of me. Even those who see the fire in time will lose everything they own, and have to flee. There's no way I can warn them.
Na-Mira: Spike.
//Na-Mira puts a hoof on my shoulder. She looks at me with eyes that look more like a cat's than you would imagine.
N-M: A good friend once gave me advice when I made a horrible, terrible, absolutely awful--
Spike: Advice, get to the advice.
N-M: Never consider the past when making a decision. Only look at the world as it is now. (Though you have to take into account the world is as it is now because of the past, and a lot of the time the past predicts the future -- you know, it's not the best advice and I never really understood it.)
Spike: To be honest, that cheered me up.
N-M: It did? (Wow, I'm awesome!)
Spike: Yeah. It showed me no one else has this life stuff figured out either.
N-M: Hihihihihihi!
//Maybe that's what I need to do. Laugh, no matter how many mistakes I make.
N-M: What was your friend's name again?
Spike: Twilight Sparkle.
N-M: Twilight said she was returning to the Canterlot expedition. There must be someone there who can contact the ponies of the Valley in time.
Spike: Even then, it might be too late.
//Stop, go back a second. Canterlot expedition?
N-M: And she may even get the ear of Princess Celestia herself, if she designates it important enough to hear. That would be a huge help. Now, if we could find Wafa, we could see about rounding up some of the Hillians...
//'ML: No, but there are catacombs underneath it that served as a haven for snake demon worshipers until the third century in Celestia's rule.'
Spike: 'Canterlot expedition'? You mean, the group of pilgrims... who are going to found Canterlot?
N-M: Hck, yeah, what else would I mean?
//...Could it be?
Spike: Na-Mira? What year is it?
//Na-Mira flicks out her tongue in confusion. She looks at the ground.
N-M: Why...?
Spike: Princess Celestia disappeared a year and a half ago. Canterlot was built seven hundred years ago. And I think the 'Hillites" you were talking about, that took you and your friends in, were snake demon worshipers who lived here around that same time.
//Na-Mira takes a long time to process this.
N-M: ...The Hillians aren't here anymore?
Spike: Afraid not.
N-M: What happened to them?
//'ML: An Equestrian official declared worship of any deity but Celestia illegal, and had them all slaughtered.'
Spike: ...Middle management.
//UH, NO, THEY ALL GOT FUCKING IMPALED.
Spike: Really, really violent middle management. They had quite the philosophy on heretics seven centuries ago.
N-M: Teddy and Wafa... if not by the spear, then, at least by old age, they must be...
Spike: I'm sorry, Na-Mira. Are you really from the past?
N-M: ...How could this happen?
//I shrug.
Spike: Dunno. Twilight's good with magic, not me. Jumping almost a millennium into the future without noticing isn't on my list of martial arts moves.
//Na-Mira sits down in the dirt and ash.
N-M: Everyone I ever knew is dead. How am I supposed to deal with that?
Spike: ...
N-M: Oh, what am I going to do?
//A wind blows in from the south, swirling up ash. I shield my face. Na-Mira closes her eyes, and then snaps them open.
N-M: You! Your name is Spike, right?
Spike: We've been over this. Yes.
N-M: And you're a Hero?
Spike: Again, yes, we've had this exact--
//Na-Mira stands up.
N-M: Are you a good person?
//Uh...
//HELL TO THE NO, FANGFACE, DRAKELING HERE JUST BURNT DOWN A FOREST INSTEAD OF DEALING WITH HIS LUST IN A HEALTHY WAY--
Spike: I just burnt down a forest.
N-M: _Are you a good person_?
//Her forcefulness is surprising.
//How should I know whether or not I'm a good person?! I have no idea who I am!
Spike: ...I want to be.
N-M: Then I'm going to help you. If you're going to make amends for this, you're going to need help.
Spike: I've put enough people in danger because of my lack of strength, I can't let that happen to anyone else.
N-M: Fair enough. I've never been in a fight but I'm certain I would end up just hurting myself.
//Never? Sometimes I forget most people go through their lives without using violence as their primary problem-solving tool.
N-M: Heroes need quests to go on, right? They need to know -- need to know what's going on in the world?
//I think I know where she's going with this.
Spike: The task of keeping track of everyone to help is too big for one person alone--
N-M: So I can help you help them, by finding out what's happening where and when. I'll be... an information gatherer, of sorts.
Spike: Do you really want to do this? The life of a Hero is tough and I can't say it will be any better for you.
N-M: What better way to see how the world has changed in seven hundred years?
//Na-Mira grins goofily, past her fangs. I'm forced to grin as well.
N-M: Sir Spike, Hero of the Future, what mysteries puzzle you on this day?
//I look at the ankh still in my hand.
Spike: There's an old silver dragon named Quine. I want to return something of his, but I don't know where he lives in the Aquinatics or how to contact him. Could you find out either of those for me?
//Na-Mira salutes and wiggles her fangs.
N-M: On it! Information Gatherer Na-Mira is on the case!
//She runs away into the charred forest, kicking up grey dust.
Spike: Na-Mira! Wait!
//From far away, she calls:
N-M: What is it, Sir Hero?
Spike: North is that way!
//She sits down for half a second, then springs back up, running north into the distance.
N-M: I knew that!
//What a silly bint.

//I climb the hills of the Valley's north; it looks as lively as the name. Grey stone walls mark boundaries between fields of flowers not long gone; covered with soot, they divide empty space. Further on and further on, there are signs of inhabitants and signs of flight. Little else remains.
//I have quite the time to think.
//The town of Horsens approaches. In the distance I can see only blackened beams, stretching on for at least a mile. The dirt road turns to cobblestone soon enough. It is the only change in landscape as far as the eye can see.
//Far in the distance I see a standing pony. Cloaked in black, it waits under the exit gate of Horsens, the only part of the town left standing among the burnt wreckage. From underneath a shadowing hood I feel its stare, and I draw near. A breeze begins, forceful, that tries to push me backwards. The pony holds ground, and I draw nearer.
//STOP.
//Stop what?
//NOTHING. JUST WANTED TO RUIN THE TENSION.
Spike: Ugh, you're such an asshole.
//It narrows its eyes below the hood.
Spike: Uh, sorry, not you, I just meant the voice in -- you know, just talking to myself, I'm so crazy, hah-hah...
//The wind continues.
Spike: Ahem. Sorry.
//I brush the ash off of my cloak (it smudges) and pull it closer.
Spike: Excuse me.
//Its accusation cuts like a knife:
???: I can never excuse one such as you!
Spike: Oh. Hi, Pitaya.
//Pitaya Mendax throws off her hood, eyes smeared with congealed rage.
PIT: How casually you greet me. Is this how you feel towards your death, and the death of others?!
Spike: Straight to the point, then. I'm a horrible murderer and I need to die for the good of the world.
PIT: You speak so lightly of your end, as if it were a flight of fancy, or a dream. There will be no such mockery when demons are gnawing on your bones!
Spike: You know not of what you speak.
PIT: Do not insult me! I have seen it in a dream. You are the power of death itself, stripping flesh from mind, and for me to bring that on you would be too great an end! I will see you beg, eternity over eternity, imprisoned in a hell too comfortable for a malevolence of your proportions!
//Huh. My followup response of 'everyone knows you crack open the bones to get the marrow' is ruined now.
Spike: Let me get this straight. You waited here--
PIT: Days I have tracked you, and years on end I will extract your due.
Spike: Until I came walking through so you could throw some dramatic words at me and try to kill me. Is that right?
//Silence, but for a breeze.
Spike: And you did this instead of helping the refugees find food, water, new homes and work.
PIT: Do not attempt to chastise me!
Spike: Instead, you decided to hunt me down. Good job on that, by the way; I'm sure following the only set of footprints in the ash was difficult. Is the only tool you have to solve problems to hit it with something hard? Or is real work too difficult?
PIT: The evil of your make is not the only evil ponies must face; the apathy of good mares to evil deeds is a wrong that needs right. One I am righting.
Spike: That's why you want to torture me for a thousand years? 'Because no one else is brave enough to'?
PIT: I trusted you once, thought that dragons could not all be spirits of evil and destruction as they say. I was a fool. You are a leech to the souls of mares, but I will take from you your spirit instead of you from the good and innocent.
Spike: Oh, so it's a drakeling thing, then? Remove me from the world, instead of expecting everyone else to control themselves?
PIT: My destiny is to contain you, to suck the poison in your soul from you and spit it as a snake's. Celestia herself has charged me with this holy mission, and I must not fail!
//Celestia herself?
//SHE THINKS CELESTIA TALKS TO HER; WHAT AN ABSOLUTE WHACKJOB
//The pony charges!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

Pitaya kicks at the Drakeling with her left front hoof, but the Drakeling dodges away!

//I didn't even need to use my Dashing Rogue punch to dodge that. She's not very good at this without her sling...

Spike: Pitaya.

Pitaya kicks the Drakeling in the lower body with her right rear hoof, bruising the scale!

//And not even using Terrae Corpus (you know, if the land hasn't forsaken me or something). What was she really expecting to do?

Spike: Pitaya!

Pitaya bites the Drakeling in the left upper arm, bruising the scale!
Pitaya has latched on firmly!
The Drakeling breaks the grip of Pitaya's left front tooth on the Drakeling's left upper arm.

//Come on, really?

Spike: Pitaya, stop it! _Pitaya_!!
//She stops for a second, and screams:
PIT: _WHAT_?!

The Drakeling grabs Pitaya by the upper body with his left hand!
The Drakeling throws Pitaya by the upper body with his left hand!
Pitaya's right front leg skids along the ground, bruising the muscle and tearing the skin!
Pitaya's ear skids along the ground, tearing apart the cartilage!
Pitaya slams into the charred wooden pillar! Pitaya's lower body takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle and bruising the stomach!
Pitaya slams into the ground!

Spike: Never stop in the middle of battle, what are you, a moroooouugck--
//I throw up red all over the cobblestone. Why am I suddenly sick?
PIT: Even your own body knows of your evil; it purges you and tries to escape...
Spike: Actually, that's just grossulars.
//I haven't had anything else in three days.
PIT: Why else would you be sick?
Spike: It certainly wasn't your kick.
PIT: I am infused with the power of Celestia herself, I know--
Spike: Let me guess, she told you in a dream to do the thing you really wanted to do in the first place?
PIT: This... this is my town, this is my home, and you burnt it to ash, you monster, you... of course Celestia would tell me to defeat you!
Spike: Let's assume I'm truly evil in the first place, not just an idiot who made a mistake.
//WHAT, YOU CAN'T BE BOTH?
Spike: Why would a goddess of good tell you to pay evil unto evil?
PIT: To remove your corruption, as a cancer is torn from the body...
Spike: And tears apart the body in the process. Pitaya, paying evil unto evil is not a good act, or a command of a good goddess. It's meaningless self-interest at best!
PIT: Are those who selflessly throw themselves at a better world self-interested?
Spike: Every villager wants the witches dead. Some of them are more willing to do it.
//There are ways to stop evil without becoming wretched yourself. I have to believe that.
\\Then why are you trying to kill the Princess? Wouldn't that just cause greater destabilization than before?
//...Shut up...
PIT: You would seek to prove yourself innocent? Of this crime?!
Spike: Not innocent. Neither am I guilty. Pitaya --
PIT: No! No more talk! I will have you controlled!

Pitaya reads from a scroll, casting a spell!

Pitaya: /That which is dead does not leave/
Spike: I'm just going to throw it out there that you're not a unicorn. You know, in case you've forgotten.
Pitaya: /That which has plenty, starves/
Spike: ...What's with that freaky voice?
Pitaya: /He who serves us kills our servant/
//The ground rumbles.
//BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD
Spike: Okay, stop reading, storytime is over.

The Drakeling breathes fire! Pitaya is caught in the dragonfire! Pitaya's black cloak has been singed!

//Pitaya makes a religious gesture and continues chanting:
Pitaya: /A crown lost has forger seen/

The cobblestone tendril bursts from the ground! The cobblestone tendril bursts from the ground! The cobblestone tendril bursts from the ground! The cobblestone tendril bursts from the ground!

Spike: Oh, this _is_ bad.
Pitaya: /The world ends./

The cobblestone tendril slams the Drakeling in the upper body, bruising the muscle and shattering the right false rib!
//whyyyy

//IT'S NOT THAT I'M GOING TO DIE, NO, IT'S THAT I'M GOING TO DIE ONLY HAVING LIVED IN YOU. THAT'S THE REAL TRAGEDY.

//I wheeze, and muster my strength:
Spike: Go to hell! _Celestia, put your world on my shoulders_!

The Drakeling breathes in and focuses, casting Terrae Corpus! The Drakeling's scales become as hard as rock!
//A strength fills me from a place unknown. Pain wanes away, like motivation draining out of a sink.

The cobblestone tendril swings at the Drakeling, but the Drakeling dodges away!
The Drakeling strikes the cobblestone tendril with his Dashing Rogue punch, but the attack glances away!

//I suppose not being turned into several chunks of dragon is a good enough motivation.

The Drakeling breathes fire! The cobblestone tendril is caught in the dragonfire! Pitaya is shielded from the flames!

\\Behind you! And to the left!

The cobblestone tendril swings at the Drakeling, but the Drakeling dodges away!
The cobblestone tendril swings at the Drakeling, but the Drakeling dodges away!
The cobblestone tendril slams the cobblestone tendril, shattering the cobblestone! The severed part flies off in an arc!
The cobblestone tendril slams the cobblestone tendril, shattering the cobblestone! The severed part flies off in an arc!

//Two down, but not the ones I want!

Pitaya: Did you... did you say 'Celestia'?
Spike: Yes! I follow her as well!
Pitaya: _Liar_! You abuse her name to justify your own creed! I will silence you!
//I suppose that was to be expected.

The cobblestone tendril slams the Drakeling in the right hand, denting the scale!
The Drakeling strikes the cobblestone tendril with his Fist of Justice, shattering the cobblestone! The severed piece flies off in an arc!

//Now, before she has a chance to turn away!

The Drakeling breathes fire! Pitaya is caught in the dragonfire! The scroll shrivels and is burnt away!
The cobblestone tendril slams into the ground!

//Pitaya braces herself against the pillar behind her and takes out her wand.
Pitaya: Never! I'll never give in to your evil!

Pitaya points a wand at the Drakeling and starts to cast a spell!
//She's holding it backwards.
The beam strikes Pitaya in the mouth! Pitaya is stunned!

Pitaya was defeated!
Spike gained 4000 experience points!
Spike is now level 18!
//Crazy vengeful bint!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//I walk over to Pitaya's twitching body and kneel down.
Spike: Listen. I know you can hear me, because you don't have... uh, you can't talk right now.
//WHAT AM I, THE IDIOT OUTCAST COUSIN NO ONE TALKS ABOUT?
//I wish you were a real person so I could get far, far away from you.
Spike: There are better tools to help the world than the sword. Try them first. You didn't even ask me to explain myself! You decided before you saw me I was guilty, and--
//She was there when I started the forest fire.
Spike: ...Oh, yeah, whoops. Yeah, so all of this looks pretty bad, but you understand the situation I was in. I understand better now. The correct choice would have been...
//To die, instead of harming others? I mean, I don't want to say my life is more valuable than others', but would I have really done that?
//I notice a vial of golden liquid on her belt. I take a swig, just enough to heal my rib, and put it back.
Spike: (Ugh still tastes like wood.) What I mean is, I've learned. I won't put myself in a situation where choosing between that and death are my only options, not again. I did wrong in the past, but no such wrong will come from me in the future, so you don't have to fight me to prevent future atrocities. There won't be any.
//She was talking more about punishment than prevention.
Spike: You shouldn't be so focused on punishment. It doesn't matter what I did; just what I will do, and I can assure you -- when we first met, weren't we trying to be Heroes together? I still want to be a Hero -- I'm not sure what you want, but a Hero isn't it. Heroism is a tricky thing, but if I've learned one thing, it's...
//What was that thing Na-Mira said? Without the verbal clumsiness, and odd fang accent?
Spike: ...'The past is a lesson, not a duty'. A wise old mare told me that. And, just between you and me...
//I lean in closer.
Twilight: Words, words, words.
//Twilight stands in the cobblestone street, below the Horsens exit gate.
//Interrupting mentor says what?
Spike: Hi, Twilight. Haven't seen you in a while.
T: I've been helping organize the relief and fire control teams. It's been a long three days.
Spike: It's been four days.
T: ...
Spike: Sorry, go on.
T: You need to get going. Amends, chop chop!
Spike: Uh, right. I suppose you haven't seen the enemy I've been lecturing after combat, instead of killing her.
//Throwing about my power with disregard can hurt people that I never meant to hurt, as a recent forest fire has shown me.
T: I was wondering why you were talking to that pole.
Spike: Twilight? How much have you slept during the past few days?
T: ...Do you have an abacus on you?
Spike: You should really get some sleep.
T: And you should really mind your own business. Auditory hallucinations only start after forty-eight hours of sleep deprivation.
Spike: It's been ninety-six.
T: ...I still have work to do.
//In another cloud of scentless air, Twilight disappears.
//I turn to Pitaya, who is still twitching slightly.
Spike: So, uh, as you've seen, we've really got this handled, so, even though I appreciate the help, um...
//Man, these sorts of things are always awkward.
Spike: Uh, bye. I guess.
//I leave. There's not much else to do.

//Twilight and I walk on one of the trails leading out of the Valley, into the outer Aquinatics. There is still a long way to go here, but we're making progress.
Twilight: You're making better time than I expected.
//She's had a few more hours of sleep today.
Spike: Must be running away from all the mistakes I made.
T: Hah! Trust me, if you're worried about someone finding out, don't.
Spike: That's nice of you to say, Twilight.
T: I hold you wholly accountable and I'm the only one who matters, so there's nothing to wonder about.
Spike: ...You are a master at making others feel better.
//I've decided to keep a tighter reign on fighting from now on. The forest fire happened because I wasn't strong enough, or fast enough, or smart enough to win without it. If I can avoid combat entirely, things like that won't happen in the future, and I won't tarnish the reputation of dragons by being associated with that type of thing...
//I hope.
//Twilight perks up.
T: Oh! Speaking of a bad transition, have you been reading that book I gave you?
//Er... Celestia told me not to...
Spike: You know, I haven't found the time--
T: It's okay. It is a really interesting document, if you go slow and study each page it's understandable.
Spike: It's not that--
T: Spike, you don't have to be embarrassed! It's a part of growing up!
Spike: Celestia told me not to read it.
//The smile fades. For a long minute, Twilight silently trots beside me, staring at the ground.
T: Celestia appeared to you in a dream again?
Spike: She never stopped.
//I would have starved if she didn't wake me up to surprise a nearby deer.
T: If you don't mind me asking, Spike, when...
Spike: Last time? Two nights ago. Said you were a trustworthy ally and a loyal friend.
//She said nothing of the sort.
T: Hah, the Princess always liked me; that makes me feel better.
Spike: Were you two close?
T: I was her favorite student.
Spike: What was she like?
//Twilight Sparkle pauses for a long while, choosing words carefully.
T: Amazing. She amazed others with both simplicity and grace.
Spike: What else?
T: Wonderful. To look upon her was to inspire the wonder of worlds.
Spike: You like her, then.
T: Yes. She was iconic. The demeanor of nobles and duchesses was a detailed attempt to imitate Celestia; the physical ideal of the female form was hers. The Princess was, is, a symbol of righteousness to everyone in Equestria.
Spike: Did that blur the lines between personal worship and religious worship?
T: Hmm, maybe. I'm not sure there ever was a line. All this happened very slowly. So I hear; I wasn't alive for most of it.
Spike: What did you think of her?
T: When I was a young filly, she was fantastic. The Princess was an object of fantasy, to use as I pleased -- blech, wrong word choice. Was a component in childhood fantasies, that everyone has, you know.
Spike: No, I don't.
//What part of 'total memory loss' is not understandable?
T: Uh... I would imagine things like meeting Princess Celestia in person, and her being so impressed with me she'd make me a Princess as well on the spot. I mean, silly, just silly things -- could you imagine? Me as a Princess?
//AVOID SUBJECT WITH HUMOR.
Spike: Total nightmare. You'd strip the castle down and organize it into its component bricks.
//Twilight laughs for a while, and we walk past tall shrubs (or maybe short bushes) lining the trail. I think she's laughing a bit long...
T: When I got older, I thought she was enchanting. She weaved enchantments that would swirl and pulse and frankly I spent too much time staying up late reading descriptions of them. I was so drawn in, I wanted to be her student.
Spike: And then--
T: And then she was friendly. Up until I moved to Ponyville, I really think Princess Celestia was the only person in my life who acted like a close friend.
//There's an adjective not in use. Is 'nice' what I'm looking for?
Spike: Was she nice?
T: ...I've been avoiding that word.
Spike: Because you're a schoolmarm?
//Twilight rolls her eyes, but I see a snicker.
T: Because it depends on perspective. The Princess was nice to me, and to most people in Equestria. Her enemies would tell another story. Rulers are like that.
Spike: Would, if they still existed?
T: ...It's scary how accurate that is.
//No, this is it; it must be.
Spike: Was she honest?
//Stormclouds gather on the far horizon, above the peaks of the Aquinatic Mountain Range. They loom dark and ominous. Twilight eyes them with suspicion, stopping in place.
T: Not as much as I would have liked.
//Twilight closes her eyes and sniffs the air, cloak shifting slightly over her shoulders and back.
Spike: 'Swings, again with the sniffing?
T: Excuse me for using every sense available to me, I'll see myself to the next Remedial Plato's Cave as soon as I'm done -- oh drat, and I thought she was going to be doing something useful.
//After a spell, she disappears in a puff of odorless air. I look up.
//Far in the distance but approaching is a speeding, light blue blur with a rainbow mane.

//Crap.
Spike: And I'm sure you're miles away by now, Twilight, not like you could have helped, or anything, no...
//I glance around, blue bullet far away but still coming quickly. A person-sized rock lies next to a tree with a sliver of space between them. I leap between them and try to dig in before I'm seen.
//Several breaths pass. Did that work?
//The Avatar of Speed turns sharply and dives like a falcon.
Spike: Great, here we go...
//May as well get prepared. She may fly, but I have the power of the land!

The Drakeling breathes in and focuses, casting Terrae Corpus! The Drakeling's scales become as hard as rock!

//The Avatar cuts her speed by flaring out her wings, and lands gently.
Rainbow Dash: Heh heh, for a moment there you probably thought that would work.
Spike: Yeah, my luck's not that good.
RBD: Come on, hands up and get out of there; I don't have all day.
//...
//YOU ARE PATHETIC.
Spike: I think I'm stuck.
RBD: What?
Spike: I said, I think I'm stuck.
RBD: What do you expect me to do about it?
Spike: A little help?
RBD: Not falling for that one.
Spike: No, I'm really stuck.
RBD: Well, you better hurry it up. I'm already late for something.
Spike: For what? Is there another dragon district somewhere you'd like to terrorize? Other tensions you'd like to strain?
RBD: Hey, that silver dragon's approach was way too aggressive, it looked like he was attacking the city!
Spike: And I'm sure that's a problem that never happens to pegasi.
RBD: Wh-- hey! Are you accusing me of being racist?!
Spike: Maybe a little.
T: (Speciesist, really.)
RBD: I am totally not racist! I would never discriminate against any group of dragons or people!
Spike: 'Dragons or people'.
RBD: ...You know what I mean!
Spike: Does not being racist include saying that all dragons are criminals?
RBD: Oh, that. Funny thing, in that case all those dragons _were_ criminals because they tried to stop me from arresting a known terrorist, but I may have gotten carried away...
Spike: I'll say.
RBD: For your information, featherbrain, I have plenty of friends who are dragons!
Spike: Name one.
//The Avatar of Speed holds a hoof to her chin, wings stretched out. I think I'm almost free from this rock...
RBD: This guy named Spike, we were friends back when I lived in Ponyville. We still talk sometimes, though nowadays he mostly--
//In outrage, I burst out:
Spike: _That_ is how you treat your friends?!
//The Avatar pauses, then trots a little to the side to get a better view.
RBD: Oh, hey, Spike! I didn't notice it was you!
Spike: 'Swings, I'd hate to see what you'd do to your enemies.
RBD: It looks like you're really stuck between--
Spike: That's what's happening now? You're making bad jokes instead of helping me?
RBD: Sorry, let me get that for you.

Rainbow Dash bites the Drakeling in the bronze vestskirt! Rainbow Dash drags the Drakeling by the bronze vestskirt!

//I cough and rub my neck; even with hardened scales the little hoops choked me.
RBD: The armor's new.
Spike: It's a dangerous world out there.
RBD: Heh heh, because ponies like me are flying around in it, I know.
//Strangely enough, that was my next line.
RBD: Sorry again about that last fight, I didn't know it was you.
Spike: Is that supposed to be better? That you're okay with people you don't know getting hurt but not your friends?
//Rainbow Dash recoils, as if struck. She opens her mouth, failing to respond once, and then finds the words.
RBD: If you don't accept my apology, you can just say so! You don't have to be rude!
Spike: ...Fine. If you think it's an apology, I'll take it as one.
RBD: Ugh, gee, I never really remembered you being this mouthy.
Spike: Twilight says you've been away for a long time.
//Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes.
RBD: Don't remind me. So, anyway, what's up with you? Why the armor?
//Uh, do I tell the truth? Where would I start?
Spike: Well, in case you haven't heard, I completely lost my memory.
RBD: Woah! All of it?
Spike: All of it.
//She thinks for a moment, staring off into space.
RBD: Woah.
Spike: Yeah. It's been kind of weird.
RBD: So why are you in the Aquinatics?
Spike: Oh! Well, since I lost my memory, I decided I want it back.
RBD: Is it around here somewhere? I could find it for you in a jiffy if I knew what it looked like!
//...'Lost', not 'misplaced'.
Spike: Uh, that's... I came here to meet up with other dragons. You know, figure out if there's someone who knew me and ask them about it.
RBD: ...Uh, Spike? You didn't know any dragons. Except for, like, a few punks you met at some point and saved an egg from.
//I've already done that! Even if it was ponies this time.
Spike: ...Are you sure?
//No dragons at all who knew me... even in a past life, I wasn't as connected with my kind as I wanted to be.
RBD: Hey, would I lie?
//Yes? I don't know you!
RBD: You lived in Ponyville and Canterlot, as far as I know.
Spike: (Not many dragons there?)
T: (You could say that.)
Spike: Well, whatever. Even if I don't find my memories here, I'm going to make new memories, and figure out what it means to be a dragon!
//With this ankh, I'll convince Quine to take me as an apprentice, and become a Hero to lead dragonkind!
RBD: Heh-heh, if you really want to know more about your past, you should ask--
Spike: Yeah, yeah, I know. But I don't want to have only one person tell me who I am and what I should do.
//It kind of ruins the point of finding out who I am if someone just tells me.
RBD: Funny thing about that, heh-heh...
Spike: Besides, Twilight's busy telling me what to do _now_, it'd be impossible for her to squeeze a word in edgewise about my past.
T: (Oh, come on, I'm not that bad. Am I?)
//I shrug.
RBD: Twilight?!
T: (Celestia she is so transparent.)
//Rainbow Dash continues:
RBD: You two hang out? What for?
//...Didn't Rainbow Dash see us both in Forlegsandria's dragon district? She should remember that...
Spike: Uh, well, it's kind of a long story, and you have things to do...
//She lifts her wing and gestures to a scroll tied there.
RBD: These? Nah, they're not important. I fly pretty fast, you know!
//I haven't forgotten.
Spike: Anyway, what have you been up to?
//The Drakeling dodges away from the incoming question! The Drakeling counterattacks! The Drakeling throws a question at the Avatar of Speed!
RBD: I've been pretty darn busy with this forest fire and the refugee handling, I haven't been back to the dojo in two weeks!
//The flying question strikes the Avatar of Speed in the train of thought, and the severed part flies off in an arc!
Spike: You train in a dojo?
RBD: Oh, right, no memory. I'm the master of a dojo, in the greater Gloucester region. You should visit sometime, the view's awesome.
//Huh?
RBD: It's on top of a mountain overlooking Fillydelphia.
Spike: What are you doing right now?
RBD: I have to deliver Applejack's orders to the troops handling the refugees from the Valley. We're trying to get them to Detrot or out of the region without being attacked by dragons.
Spike: Why would dragons attack them?
//Rainbow Dash shrugs.
RBD: I don't know; I forgot to read the orientation materials. It's a land conflict, I guess?
//If there's senseless violence between dragons and ponies that can be solved, then by Celestia, it's my duty as a Hero to solve it!
RBD: Wait, hold on, you never answered my question!
//Oh, crap, she remembered.
Spike: Oh, so...
//I suppose the truth is better than lying.
Spike: I'm trying to be a Hero, traveling the land and righting wrongs, and Twilight is traveling with me. A land conflict sounds complicated, maybe there's something I can do... but I really just came here to train with fellow dragons. Twilight's advice and training has been great, though. I've learned a lot, even if she isn't a dragon.
RBD: Wow! Did Twilight tell you about the 'Hero of the Land' thing?
Spike: What? Should she have? What is it?
RBD: It's some wacky old law put in place by Princess Celestia, grandmothered in by Princess Hazel. A Hero, known across all Equestria for her benevolence and power, can gather together the Elements of Harmony and challenge the Avatars for the right to an audience with the Princess herself! Uh, Hazel, not Celestia.
T: (But if there were a time for her to come back...)
Spike: _That's really a thing_?!
//Why doesn't the world always work out in my favor like this?!
RBD: Yeah, I know!
Spike: So all I have to do is gather the, the whatever-they-were --
T: (Elements of Harmony.)
Spike: And defeat the Avatars, and I get to meet Princess Hazel?
RBD: Twilight should know more; I just heard one of my students rant about how he was going to meet the Princess. (Not going to happen.)
Spike: You said 'her', but it applies to anyone, right? Even drakelings?
//Rainbow Dash shrugs.
RBD: It should.
Spike: Then I know what I must do! I will be a Hero of the Land in the name of Celestia!
RBD: Heeey -- that means we have to fight sometime!
//I gulp. Whoops.
Spike: Hopefully a long, long way in the future, you know, when some time has passed...
RBD: We should spar!
//What?! Right here?!
Spike: No, no we shouldn't!
RBD: Come on, it's just a little practice! What could go wrong?
Spike: A lot!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//Rainbow Dash leaps into the air!
RBD: You said you were a Hero, right? You must have fought someone after the last time we met. Come on, show me what you've learned!
//I would really rather not.
Spike: Stop! I don't want to spar!
RBD: Don't be such a spoilsport!

//Rainbow Dash swoops down from above!
Rainbow Dash strikes the Drakeling in the left upper leg, but the attack is deflected by the Drakeling's bronze vestskirt!
The Drakeling punches at Rainbow Dash with his left hand, but Rainbow Dash dodges away!

//She takes to the sky until the sun is behind her.
RBD: _What did you DO_?!
Spike: Sorry, I'm not very good.
RBD: That's a guilty stance!
//...What?
RBD: Why are you _that_ guilty?! _What have you done_?!
Spike: ...How can you tell that much from a _stance_?!
//Damn my body language!
//ALL OF TWILIGHT'S FRIENDS HAVE SUPERNATURAL LIE DETECTION POWERS, REMEMBER? CHAPTER OF YOUR STUPID LIFE PART ONE?
RBD: _Tell me_!!
Spike: (So, what, do I tell the truth, or...)
//Silence.
Spike: (Damn it...)

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

>>TELL THE TRUTH
>>LIE

Spike: I haven't done anything! I don't know what you're talking about!
RBD: Liar!

Rainbow Dash divebombs the Drakeling!
Rainbow Dash kicks the Drakeling in the right upper arm with her left front hoof, denting the scale through the bronze vestskirt!
The Drakeling strikes Rainbow Dash in the lower body with his right hand, but the attack glances away!
The Drakeling leaps backwards, away from Rainbow Dash!
//I can't get away from her! She's too quick!
\\Avatar of Speed.
//...Right.

RBD: Your scales. Twilight's been teaching you things, hasn't she?
Spike: What's it matter?
RBD: Dragonscale is hard, but not that hard.
//Technically, dragonfeather, but who's keeping track?
RBD: And I sincerely doubt Applejack would teach a dragon her personal move. So has Twilight taken you on as her own little apprentice?
//'Own little'? Why the diminutive?
Spike: (I thought some historical figure used it to do some terrible thing.)
T: (It was lost, until we recovered it. Nothing under the sun is new; many things are simply forgotten.)
RBD: Your body language is an open book, Spike. How'd you disappoint her this time?
//I stay silent.
//...'This time'?
RBD: Or are you going to bet I won't beat it out of you?
Spike: No, I'm certainly not counting on that...
//Maybe honesty is the best policy?
//WHEN DID THAT FUCKING START AND WHO DID YOU PICK IT UP FROM, BECAUSE EVERYONE AROUND YOU IS A SHITMOUTHED LIAR

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

>>TELL THE TRUTH
>>LIE

Spike: I, uh...
RBD: Yeah?
Spike: I might have started the forest fire.
//Rainbow Dash pauses for a long time, staring at me.
Spike: (Is she broken, or--)
RBD: You featherbrain!
T: (Trust me, he's a lot more than that.)
Spike: You don't understand, I was just defending myself!
RBD: By _burning down a forest_?! How?!
Spike: I had to use dragonfire or I would have been killed! What should I have done, die?!
RBD: Yes!
//Uh, what?

//Rainbow Dash leaps into the air!
RBD: You're a Hero, Spike! That means you don't get to say, 'I was ordered to,' or, 'it was self-defense'! Everything you do is on your own head!
Spike: I know that!
RBD: Do you? As a Hero, the privileges you get are hoof in hoof with the things you give up! Forgiveness being one of them! If your choice is between hurting innocent ponies and dying yourself, then guess what? You fall on that sword!!
Spike: Do you teach your students this? That there's no possibility to make amends, and it's better that they die than make one mistake?
RBD: _Heroes don't make mistakes_! You decided that your life was more valuable than the lives of over two dozen others!
Spike: Then I'll take the consequences for that mistake! I know I'll do more than enough good to counteract the damage!
RBD: No, not by yourself. You don't know enough yet.
Spike: I've learned, and I'll prove it by my actions!
RBD: I don't know why Twilight let you loose after that. You've shown you can't be trusted already! You have intelligence, Spike, but no wisdom; you have power but no control. You're a loose cannon and you're going to end up hurting yourself and others. I can't in good conscience let you leave.
Spike: Oh, great, I have a feeling who's about to 'teach' me what control means...
RBD: You're not the old Spike, because the old Spike would know better than to do something like this! I can't let someone with so little wisdom and so much power wander around a dangerous hotspot like the Aquinatics!
Spike: What a coincidence that your morality and sense of duty inspires you to assault me, who knew it would work out like that?!
//This guy.
//THIS GUY.
T: (This girl.)
Spike: I don't want to fight you!
RBD: Just give in!

Rainbow Dash divebombs The Drakeling!
Rainbow Dash strikes at The Drakeling in the upper body with her right wing, but the Drakeling dodges away!
The Drakeling strikes Rainbow Dash in the left front hoof with his Dashing Rogue Punch, bruising the skin!

RBD: Nice try!

Rainbow Dash kicks The Drakeling in the right lower leg with her right rear hoof, bruising the muscle and shattering the bone through the steel shinguard!
An artery has been opened by the attack, a ligament has been torn, and a motor nerve has been severed!

//AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
//I fall to the side, hard, driving the breath out of me.
T: (Wow, she's serious.)
//'Swings that hurts so much, make it go away, please Celestia make it go away...
RBD: Pinkie's move only works with four legs. You're predictable and it opens you up for sorely needed punishment.
Spike: My leg...
RBD: The quicker we get this over with, the sooner it'll stop hurting.

The Drakeling breathes fire! Rainbow Dash is caught in the dragonfire! Her mane has been singed!
Rainbow Dash leaps backwards, away from the flames!

RBD: This is for your own good!
Spike: Excuse me if I don't think so!

//The Avatar of Speed flies in a loop just out of dragonfire range. I struggle to stand up
//OW OW OW OW OW OW OW
//And fail.
//Is she drawing that circle in closer, or is it me?
//The wind distorts all along the trail, swirling with the Avatar. I feel it go one way across my feet, but tree branches lean the other way -- it's going in a circle?

Rainbow Dash charges at the Drakeling!
RBD: You can't stop me now!
Spike: Why should I surrender to illegitimate authority?
The Drakeling stands up.

The Drakeling strikes Rainbow Dash in the head with his Fist of Justice, bruising the skin and bruising the muscle!

Rainbow Dash strikes the Drakeling in the right hand with her Wind Drill, bruising the skin, bruising the muscle, shattering the bone, jamming the bone through the right wrist's muscle and shattering the right wrist's bone!
An artery has been opened by the attack, several ligaments have been torn, a motor nerve has been severed and a sensory nerve has been severed!
Rainbow Dash strikes the Drakeling in the right lower arm with her Wind Drill, bruising the skin, bruising the muscle, shattering the bone, jamming the bone through the right elbow's muscle and shattering the right elbow's bone!
An artery has been opened by the attack, several ligaments have been torn, a motor nerve has been severed and a sensory nerve has been severed!
Rainbow Dash strikes the Drakeling in the right upper arm with her Wind Drill, bruising the skin, bruising the muscle, shattering the bone, jamming the bone through the right shoulder's muscle and shattering the right shoulder's bone!
An artery has been opened by the attack, several ligaments have been torn, a motor nerve has been severed and a sensory nerve has been severed!

The Drakeling gives into pain! The Drakeling collapses!
//HOW IN THE WORLD IS THERE SOMETHING THAT HURTS MORE THAN THE LEG

//The Avatar of Speed folds her wings and steps over me.
RBD: Wow, she's serious.
//?
RBD: Taught you her own strike and everything. Twilight really trusted you, kid.
Spike: Doesn't that say something?
RBD: Yeah, her trust was misplaced.

Rainbow Dash grabs the Drakeling by the upper body with her left front hoof! Rainbow Dash grabs the Drakeling by the upper body with her right front hoof!

//The Avatar sticks her face close to mine, and says:
RBD: I want you to know, when you come out on the other side, this isn't anything personal. It's just business.
Spike: Charming.
//From above, from below, from every side and every angle comes a thundering roar, terrible enough to split the ground open and shake down the sky, a rage only possible from one who knows the dragon instinct.
Spike: That must have been a dragon!
//The Avatar turns her head. Off past the Aquinatics, a silver tail the size of rivers slips behind the mountains.
RBD: Damn, what did he burn down this time?!
Spike: Was that Quine?
RBD: Yes, which means I have to deal with _him_ now! And I'm already late!
//But you had time to do this to me?
RBD: Stay here! I'll be right back!
Spike: Oh, like I'm going somewhere!
//The Avatar of Speed launches off of the ground, and speeds away into the sky.
//...

Rainbow Dash was defeated! (?)
Spike earned 6000 experience points!
Spike is now level 19!
//Crazy rainbow bint...

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//Great.
Spike: Twilight?
//Silence.
Spike: Great. You're either disappointed with me, or there's another enemy nearby. Please, let me black out from pain...
//No such luck. I lie in the sun, unable to move.
//...

//...
//An hour passes. I see a vision in the delirium.
C: Spike. Can you hear me, Spike?
Spike: Celestia! Is that you?
C: Yes, Spike, it is I.
Spike: Celestia, being a Hero is much more confusing than I first thought!
C: How so?
Spike: Heroes are -- well, heroic. Legendary tasks and extreme danger are their foodstuffs. Difficulty is the very road they travel.
C: That much is true, yes. Were your path easy, it would not need a dragon of your capabilities.
Spike: But all the stories tell of Heroes who succeed! Heroes whose strength of will gives them enough physical prowess to overcome any obstacle, completely dedicated to the cause of good!
C: Do you feel, that because you have been defeated physically, your quest is no longer true?
Spike: I don't know what to feel right now.
C: Take hope, my little drakeling. Any beast with bulging muscles can break limbs and tear flesh. Only a dragon of the truest caliber can maintain after such a thing happens to her. A mind is the final, eternal sanctuary of a living being, and it cannot be forced by another.
Spike: ...Is that why I'm always struggling? Because my faith is too weak, and my devotion to your cause uncertain?
C: No. Your opponents are far beyond your level. Your faith is the only grace which saves you.
Spike: Yet...
C: Yes?
Spike: The words that opponents say. The ideas that ponies introduce, challenging how I act and how I think. Am I supposed to ignore everyone and everything but myself and what I want? Or what I think others want?
C: If people could correctly determine and want what is best for themselves, no Hero would be necessary. Your goal, as stated earlier, is to put an end to the life of the current false Princess of Equestria.
Spike: ...Is that absolutely necessary? Is there any way at all the Princess wouldn't need to die?
C: ...An interesting question, so let me ask one in response: a crafty gambler might know the weights of the dice. But does she know the result of a hard throw?
Spike: ...Each 'best path' depends at least a little chance and different outcomes arise from pure happenstance. The wisest plan can be shattered by the fool who acts randomly.
C: Exactly. It is my analysis that only through her death may Equestria's recovery be absolutely secured. You might be inclined to share my path and defer to my wisdom, intelligence, and age. But you should only agree with a person, even a deity, if your own mind guides you so.
Spike: I do believe in you, Oh Celestia! ...You know, not that it matters much now.
C: Spike, why would you ever say such a thing?
//Guilt pounds through my veins. I'm not sure if it's for being defeated in the first place, or doubting myself.
Spike: My arm and leg are broken. I'm no use as a Hero. For me, it's over.
C: Never doubt my power, Spike. I think the shadow of hope approaches yet...
//The vision fades, and the pain returns.

//Far off in the distance, a flier silhouetted by the sun races towards me from the mountains.
Spike: Celestia, please, let that be someone other than Rainbow Dash...
//WHY? DO YOUR WANT YOUR MAJOR FUCKING ASSHANDLINGS TO BE FROM VARIED SOURCES?
//...There are two of them. What could this be?...

//I lie another few minutes, watching the fliers. They head directly towards me, and land.
//One is a full dragon of medium size, back legs about the size of a pony, with orange scales and a scar on his neck. The other is a smaller dragon but still winged, with grey scales and sharp claws.
Orange Scarred Dragon: Galsid. Stay alert.
Grey Sharp Dragon: Oh, uh, right!
//Hell yeah, dragons!
//She nods and leaps into the air, circling our small section of road at a low altitude. The orange dragon extends his neck out, looking at me.
OSD: Drakeling, my name is Osdar. I am here to help you. I am approaching now.
Spike: Nice to meet you, Osdar.
//People have the weirdest names.
//Osdar approaches stealthily, slinking like a cat. Galsid motions an 'all clear' to him, and he gently puts a claw on my torso.
OSD: Excellent, you still have your fire. It has not been taken from you. You haven't been made into a brainwashed zombie.
Spike: Yeah, you arrived in the nick of time; she was just about to come back.
//Osdar narrows his eyes.
OSD: Only a creature with the cruelty of a pony could refuse to kill an enemy, instead maiming him for later to use as a toy and a slave. What is your name?
Spike: Spike.
OSD: Spike, you are badly hurt. As we came to survey the damage the Avatar of Speed had done, we have no medical supplies and cannot help you here.
Spike: (Darn, not even, say, one of those nice golden potions?)
T: (One is worth more than the average hospital.)
OSD: We can only help you in Hole Five, a long flight from here. There is no way to stabilize your body in flight. If you ride on my back, it will hurt terribly.
//I'm used to that by now.
Spike: Better than being a horrible pony's boytoy. Man, am I glad you guys showed up.
//I THINK 'PERSONAL DRAGON DILDO' IS A BETTER PREDICTION; USUALLY BOYTOYS ARE TREATED BETTER THAN OBJECTS.
OSD: A dragon after my own heart. Galsid!
//She perks up at the sound of her own name and lands.
OSD: Get your rope. We're tying the drakeling to my back and making for Hole Five.
GSD: I hope we'll make it. Strength is about.
OSD: The Avatar of Strength is slow. That is why any of us still live. Rope?
//I'm lashed onto Osdar
//OW OWOWOWOWO OWO WOWOWO OW
//and we take to the sky.

//OW OW OW OW OW WHY DID YOU AGREE TO THIS JUST GO BACK AND GET FUCKED ALREADY IT'S WHAT YOU REALLY WANT
//Trying to ignore the pain (and instinct), I cling to Osdar's back as we tear through the sky. I yell over the thrashing wind:
Spike: You said 'Hole Five'? What is that?
//I have to learn about dragons here.
OSD: A gathering of dragons in an underground cavern beneath the mountains! The situation is rough, but it's better than being torn to shreds or selling our children into slavery!
Spike: How many holes are there?
GSD: That's what he said!
//Galsid snickers as Osdar answers:
OSD: Three of them! Two, three, and five!
Spike: What happened to the others?
GSD: Never existed! It's just a code!
OSD: If you ever hear talk of other holes, none of them exist! Each speaker and intended recipient can have a different code!
Spike: I came to the Aquinatics to meet Quine! Where is he?
OSD: Securing the future of dragonkind!
Spike: What?
GSD: He's the oldest dragon around! He has to dart around pony settlements to draw the attention of the Avatar of Strength, so Hazel's dogs don't put us to the sword!
//What?! Is the conflict really that bad?!
OSD: He's organizes the Holes to try make our lives better, and journeys out for help and places to send refugees!
GSD: Which is why so many of us would die for him, and so many ponies want him dead!
Spike: Where does Quine usually--
OSD: Galsid, look--

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

The Pegasus charges at The Dragon!
The Pegasus headbutts The Dragon in the right wing with his +bronze pickelhaube+, tearing apart the muscle through the scale!
A major artery has been opened by the attack!
The +bronze pickelhaube+ has lodged firmly in the wound!
//He came from nowhere!

GSD: Kyaaah!
//The pegasus, painted pale brown from above and blue from below, leaves the helmet embedded in Galsid's side and dives back towards the earth!
Spike: An ambush!
OSD: She can't fly!
//Galsid falls rapidly, spinning round and round. She's unable to control her wings or stabilize.
//Pegasi start chasing as Osdar slims himself, moving faster. More pegasi approach as we weave through the sky. Straining to see Galsid, I see figures on the ground.
Spike: Archers!
OSD: Spike, hold on! We're landing!
//HOLD ON? WITH WHAT? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The Dragon slams into the ground!
//Osdar slams into the dusty earth, kicking up a cloud!
The Dragon jumps away from the flying copper bolt!

The Dragon slashes the Archer (1) in the upper body with his left front claw, tearing apart the muscle through the iron chainmail, shattering the right false rib, jamming the right false rib through the heart and tearing apart the heart!
The Dragon slashes the Archer (2) in the lower body with his right front claw, and the severed part flies off in an arc!
The Archer (2) has been struck down!

OSD: Do you have dragonfire? Use it!

The Drakeling breathes fire! But the Archer (3) dodges away from the flames!

OSD: Now I have you!

The Dragon breathes fire! The Archer (3) is caught in the dragonfire! The Archer (3) has been burnt to a crisp!
The Archer (3) has been struck down!

Spike: Holy crap!
//His dragonfire is a torrent of hell!
//The three archers are dead or dying, but Osdar sniffs around the scene anyway. He finds nothing.
OSD: There are reasons I have lived long in this region, and luck is only one of them.
//Osdar stares into the sky, to where Galsid was injured. He squints for half a moment.
OSD: The pegasi are out of the sky. Likely fighting Galsid. They're not going to have an easy task of it.

//I twitch as a mare steps silently from behind a rock. She has a straw hat on and a strut to her step. She has no weapons.
Spike: (A civilian? What is a civilian doing here?!)
//Silence.
//I open my eyes wide and jerk my head back towards the rock, trying not to draw Osdar's attention. She needs to hide! I don't know how strained dragon-pony relations are in the Aquinatics, it might be enough to take innocent lives...
//She puts a hoof to her smile. Why is she not running?!

OSD: But if they knew to find us here, more will be coming. We have to go, and can't outrun them on foot. The sky it is.
//The mare steps just behind the end of Osdar's tail, and stretches her neck. What is this crazy bint--

The Dragon leaps into the sky!
The Mare bites the Dragon in the tail, denting the scale!
The Mare latches on firmly!
//She'll get tossed away!

OSD: What is--
//Osdar reaches the top of his leap, and flaps his wings to launch us skyward.
//Instead, he straightens out like a rope pulled taught, unable to rise further in the air!
Spike: _Did she just anchor you to_--
OSD: What?! No--

The Mare takes down the dragon by the tail with her teeth!
The Dragon slams into the ground!
The Dragon's lower body takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle and tearing apart the lower spine's nervous tissue!
The Dragon's upper body takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle and tearing apart the middle spine's nervous tissue!
The Dragon's head takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle and tearing apart the upper spine's nervous tissue!

//She slammed him down like a wet noodle!
//HAHAHAHA OW OW OW HAHAHAHAHA THAT WAS AWESOME DO IT AGAIN GIRL HAHAHAHAHA OW OW OW
//Did she break the dragon instinct?
Spike: Osdar! Osdar, answer me!
//His head lies limply in the dirt, unresponsive.
Spike: (If only my limbs weren't broken, I'd...)
T: (Also lose in a humiliating manner?)
//The mare steps up onto Osdar, using the spines on his tail as steps. Her coat is the same color as Osdar's scales, a pasty orange. Three apples dance on her flank as she walks.
//She sits down, tips her hat, and says:
Applejack: Howdy, Spike.

The Archers have been defeated!
Spike earned 5 experience points!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

Spike: ...You know my name?
Applejack: Sure do. 'Course, you don't know mine. I'm Applejack, pleased to meet you.
Spike: And -- taking a wild stab in the dark here -- Avatar of Strength?
Applejack: Sure am.
Spike: Great.
//There might be better positions for first introduction to an enemy I'm meant to defeat.
AJ: Why the frown, partner?
Spike: I'm not exactly in the fiercest way right now...
AJ: Huh huh, you mean, tied to a dead dragon?
//Osdar sputters, tongue thrashing about in the dirt.
AJ: Dyin'! Sorry.
Spike: I'm sure I don't stand a chance.
AJ: Hm? Spike, are you thinkin' of me as an Avatar instead of as your old friend Applejack?
Spike: ...Was I friends with everypony in Equestria?! Or just everyone who _happens_ to be known for legendary combat prowess?!
AJ: Hmm. I think I know who you've been talkin' to since you hit your head, and who you ain't.
Spike: You know about the memory loss?
AJ: Spot on. Right shame about your memories, Spike, no one deserves a terrible thing like that.
Spike: Yeah.
AJ: I heard you went crazy and lost everythin'. Or lost everythin' and went crazy, one of them.
Spike: No, but I am a Hero now.
AJ: Very not crazy.
//An awkward silence follows. Applejack leans over to glance at my arm.
AJ: Rainbow Dash?
//I nod. The Avatar tuts.
Spike: Is the conflict really so bad that you killed two dragons out of the blue?
AJ: I've been huntin' this one for months, I reckon. Suppose I have you to thank, Spike, for gettin' him to land long enough.
//That makes me feel just peachy.
AJ: That makes me the most dangerous orange critter in these lands, huh huh.
//This pony is an ignorant fool, killing for amusement without regards to the consequences. She is clearly my enemy.
Spike: Celestia, don't you take anything seriously?! You killed a person!
//Her chuckling ends. The Avatar's tone becomes a little more serious.
AJ: Livin' in the Aquinatics leads a pony to take what amusements she can get.
Spike: I've killed people before, but I didn't _celebrate_ it.
//Applejack puts her face much closer to mine and asks:
AJ: Y'all think I like fightin' a war?
//A war? No one said anything about a war.
Spike: What war?
AJ: Maybe they don't consider it that in the rest of Equestria, but trust me, Spike. This ain't nothin' less than a full-scale war between dragons and ponies.
Spike: ...So you just killed two people because they were dragons. That makes it better.
AJ: Squished orange here _burnt down three taxhouses_. And that was at the _beginnin'_, we lost track of individuals after that.
//...Taxhouses aren't really that popular with anybody. But if Osdar burnt them down, there must have been a reason for his actions. Whatever it was.
AJ: Every second I turn my back, or try to get a hint of shuteye, I hear about another attack by dragons on the folk of the Aquinatics. I'm the leader of the Cavalry in the Aquinatics and I won't stand to see one pony hurt.
//But Galsid didn't do anything!
\\That I know of.
Spike: It's fine to kill anyone because they share the same species?!
AJ: Ever since the disappearance of Celestia, ponies have been raided by dragons in this here land, almost like clockwork. It ain't even been the same dragons, maraudin'; I brought justice to all the first ones and new ones came out of their Holes to take their place. Every dragon seen in this region's bein' organized and led.
Spike: Aggressive self-defense is still kind of grey...
AJ: Every dragon I kill makes it harder for whoever's directin' these monsters to take more innocent lives. So yes, Spike, I hunt dragons.
Spike: Have you tried talking it out?
AJ: 'Course that was the first thing I tried! I reckon I'm a farm girl, but I ain't braindead!
T: (Not entirely, at least.)
AJ: Problem is, us and them both want the same thing. The Aquinatics. It's exclusionary, and we ain't bein' driven out of our homes!
Spike: Now that I've asked introductory questions I can naively assume that's all there is to the conflict and trust I've been told the entire truth. Where do I sign up for the Equestrian Cavalry?
//I mean, knowing the nature of the world, neither side is probably innocent, but that doesn't mean I can't have a preference.
//YES, YES IT FUCKING DOES, 'HERO'
//Why is the _dragon instinct_ of all people have a problem with me supporting dragons?!
//HEROISM DISCLUDES RACIAL LINES AS A LOYALTY, SHITHEAD MCDUMBNUTS. YOU CAN'T SUPPORT DRAGONKIND AND BE A HERO AT THE SAME TIME UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE A SHITTIER HERO THAN YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN.
//Who are you to decide what a Hero is and isn't?
//I'M NOT SPEAKING FROM MYSELF, BUT FROM TASTE. OF WHICH YOU WOULD FUCKING HAVE SOME IF YOU WEREN'T SO FOCUSED ON BEING FACE-DEEP IN SOME PONY'S--
//Applejack takes off her hat with a hoof and holds it to her heart.
AJ: Spike, do you know what this hat is?
Spike: Particularly cheap looking?
//JUST BE A DRAGON, FUCK THIS DAMN HERO SHIT
//Shut up I'm trying to have a conversation!
//BREATHE FIRE AT HER IT'LL WORK
T: (Her last one was much nicer.)
AJ: It's the Element of Honesty. I'm its holder. And I don't lie.
//She doesn't lie, in the same way a painting shows part of a scene truthfully. No one can be blamed for only knowing their perspective, though...
Spike: Fine.
AJ: So, Spike, what were _you_ doin' in the region?
//Don't say seeking Quine as a mentor, don't say seeking Quine as a mentor...
Spike: Just some Hero things.
//I wonder if she knows any more about the 'Hero of the Land' Rainbow Dash mentioned. I still need to ask Twilight about that.
AJ: Tryin' to figure out the whole Aquinatics situation, are you?
Spike: That was part of it. But then...
AJ: Rainbow Dash.
Spike: Yep.
AJ: So what's the other part?
Spike: Trying to figure out why everyone gets all awkward and dodgy when I mention my memories, and finding out who I was.
//A short pause, in which Applejack gets awkward and dodgy.
AJ: I couldn't imagine why that would be, Spike.
Spike: You're terrible at lying.
//She lowers her head for a moment.
AJ: S'why I usually don't try.
Spike: I figure I'll just skip asking you about it so we can avoid a long conversation where neither of us say anything.
AJ: Had a lot of those, have you?
Spike: _You have no idea_.
AJ: Well, I can't say the help up here in the Aquinatics is unwanted, Spike, but I don't know if any one person can do all that much. 'Specially if you're willin' to attack one of the stallions under my command; that sort of thing seems like it'd worsen the problem instead of helpin' it.
//Uh, crap, is this the part where she declares intent to assault me? When I have two broken limbs and am tied down?
AJ: So here's what I'm gonna do for you, Spike.
Spike: Ugh, great, this again.
//Applejack looks inquisitive. If she knew the word, I'm sure she would agree.
AJ: Pardon?
Spike: Go ahead and use whatever justification you need to use to assault me; bonus points if you use a new one that I haven't heard before.
//The Avatar of Honesty laughs.
AJ: I _wish_ I had time for a fuckin', Spike, but I'm a busy mare.
//Huh, that's strange.
//ARE YOU MORE CONFUSED BY THE PRESENCE OF CURSE WORDS OR ABSENCE OF CROTCH-POUNDERY, BECAUSE TO ME THEY'RE BOTH A DELIGHTFUL FUCKING CHANGE
AJ: Nope, you're a prisoner of war now. I take you to camp, you heal up for a while, and then you can contact Twilight about arrangin' somethin' for you to leave. I'd ask if it sounds good, but...
Spike: Wouldn't change anything if it did.
AJ: Sorry. This is the way it is.
Spike: No, no, this is a nice change. I just have to worry about who's going to assault me while lying helpless in a hospital bed later, instead of right now.
//Applejack shrugs. In less than a minute, she unties me from Osdar, ties me to her back, and trots off down the mountain.

//WELL THIS IS OW A FINE SITUATION OW YOU'VE MANAGED TO OW FIND YOUR STUPID UGLY FAT DISGRACE-OF-A-DRAGON SHITASS OW IN, ISN'T IT OW
Spike: Can you -- GAAH -- try not to bounce as mYAA--
Applejack: Sorry, Spike; I reckon it's just the way I walk.
//WALK BETTER OW YOU SHITEATING ASSHOLE OW
//Shut up.
//HAVE LESS BROKEN LIMBS
Applejack: Now, if'n you pay attention, you might learn somethin'.
Spike: I don't see knowledge of strutting being huge in my future.
//She stops walking.
AJ: Look ahead of you.
//We're looking into a gap crinkled into the land between two mountains. Short, flat rectangles of red earth jut vertically up, and others out of the steep cliff faces. There is sand here, too much of it, only broken by the angled rock and occasional cactus. Tucked below the north face of the gap is a collection of shoddy yurts, and another (less shoddy) gathering lies further to the west.
Spike: What is this place?
AJ: Prison. Fortress. Mine.
Spike: 'Mine' as in yours, or--
AJ: Mine as in, more than seventy-five percent of Equestria's galena reserves. Gorge Coltiers is the name.
Spike: That's the point of contention, then?
//Applejack keeps moving, more slowly, downhill.
AJ: What is?
Spike: About the land. You're using it as an expendable resource and taking everything you want from it to further your monetary schemes, and the native dragons of the Aquinatics are opposed to seeing their lands plundered.
//Applejack laughs.
AJ: Uh, Spike?
T: (Oh my Celestia you're such an idiot.)
AJ: Dragons? Opposed to critters taking silver out of nowhere and turnin' it into shiny pieces of art?
//WHAT KIND OF FAKE DRAGON ARE YOU
AJ: Their problem is that G.C. is _not theirs_. The mine, the art, and hell, even the critters who dig it up; dragons as I know 'em aren't opposed to slavery.
Spike: (Excuse me for trying not to rely on stereotypes when examining geopolitical conflicts.)
//Wait, crap, I just did. Damn.
T: (There's a phrase I like to keep in mind sometimes. It is, 'when you're talking, you're not learning'. Learn a little.)
AJ: They ain't goin' to have any luck tryin' to take this place away from us, though. Cliff faces are too close for the big one to get in, airspace is tight for maneuvers and such, we can retreat into the mines 'cause nothing vital is kept in the open air, and half of the active Magic Corps is kept within alert distance.
Spike: The big one?
AJ: Quine. I'm sure you've heard of him.
Spike: Yeah.
AJ: G.C. is one nut he'd be crazy to try and crack. So he hunts down the families of everypony workin' and livin' here, like the coward he is.
//I'LL SHOW YOU COWARD YOU SHIT-MACHINE WASTE OF CARBON--
//Applejack leaps from one boulder to another, jumping over a ravine leading far into darkness below.
//FUCK OW OW FUCK YOU OW OW
AJ: The sayin' goes, there are three things that'll get you out of G.C. The first is the returnin' of Celestia. Second's Princess Hazel, 'cause she's my boss. Third is death.
Spike: For me, you said earlier that Twilight could... do something, I guess?
AJ: Oh, right. Four, then.
Spike: Is Twilight the odd one out in that group?
AJ: Well, Spike... that's a good question.
Spike: Just who the hell _is_ Twilight Sparkle, anyway?
//Twilight pops into existence next to me in a burst of scentless air, carrying a scroll. Her horn glows, but for only a moment.
Twilight: Lieutenant General Applejack!
AJ: Howdy, Twilight.
T: New orders from Princess Hazel.
//The scroll levitates in front of Twilight as she walks. Trots? Stumbles? Her legs are short and there's an odd, awkward gait she has to adopt to keep up with Applejack, who is faster.
AJ: Great. Put 'em on my desk, will you?
//The orders disappear in a poof of scentless air.
T: Oh, I see you've captured a prisoner!
Spike: So, what, are we pretending you don't listen in to all my conversations and follow me around everywhere I go?
AJ: It's a dangerous place for a drakelin' to wander around. Wouldn't want him mixin' with the wrong kind of folks wounded like he is.
T: Hah, I have heard Rainbow Dash is in the area. Good to see someone's looking out for him.
Spike: Yes, apparently we are. Or I've been magically silenced. I wonder which it is.
AJ: You know me. Always lookin' out for my friends. What're you up to?
T: Hmm? Oh, just the usual business. See you later!
AJ: Wait! You're so busy you can't talk with two of your best friends in the world?
T: You know what they say about idle hooves, Applejack.
//THAT YOUR PARENTS SUFFERED BEFORE THE END AND THEIR DYING THOUGHTS WERE THAT IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT?
Spike: That your parents suffered before the end and their dying thoughts were that it was all your fault?
//Where the hell did that come from?
AJ: Right, no hooves of Celestia's. See you later, Twilight; hope whatever you're plannin' now works out.
T: Thanks, Applejack. Bye!
//Twilight disappears in an implosion of air. Applejack drops from a tree's roots to the gorge floor.
//OW LEG FUCK OW FUCK FUCK LEG OW
Spike: GCHAAA -- hoo, don't do that. What's the verdict, magically silenced or ignoring me? What do you say?
AJ: _I would say_ that was rather rude of you, Spike. A good friend shares with you one of her closest moments with her kin, and y'all go and make a comment like that! Damned shamed of yourself, you should be.
Spike: Twilight's parents are dead?
AJ: I don't know, she don' talk about it. You commentin' like that don't exactly open up a pony's heart.
Spike: She never talked about her parents or family or anything. I didn't even realize she had one.
AJ: Everypony's got a family, Spike!
Spike: Do I have one?
AJ: ...Suppose so.
Spike: Who?
AJ: Before thirty seconds ago I'd've said Twilight, 'cause she raised you since hatchin', but it don't look like you agree with that assessment. That ain't no way to treat family.
Spike: Do you know who my old family was, before my memory loss?
//Applejack pauses for a long time. I guess she is the holder of the Element of Honesty if she's this bad at lying.
AJ: Twilight would.
Spike: You didn't answer my question.
AJ: Yeah, I didn't. And I don't reckon I will. Entrustin' a friend with a moment like that, only to have them turn around and say what you said... I wouldn't be surprised if Twilight don't send to get you out of G.C. now, Spike.
//I stay silent. That might be a big problem.
//Why did I decide to say that? Did I somehow pick up that Twilight had no living relatives? How would I? She's not old enough for me to assume that right away. Does the dragon instinct know something I don't?
//FUCKING YES SO LISTEN TO ME MORE.
//See, there's an obvious problem with that.
//I'M INSIDE EVERY DRAGON FOR A FUCKING REASON YOU ASSMIND.
//...Wait. How would you know Twilight's parents are gone unless there was a dragon who cared enough to know?
Spike: Applejack?
AJ: Not sure I want to talk to you right now, Spike.
Spike: Just who _is_ Twilight Sparkle?
//Applejack sighs. The yurts are approaching at a rapid pace.
AJ: Kid... if I really knew, I'd tell you.

Head Nurse: Alright, nurses, listen up.
//I'm laying down on a stretcher inside one of the hospital yurts. This is the grouping of yurts that dragon prisoners of war are housed in; no ponies are here besides unicorns who keep order and organizers.
//Outside, a dragon shuffles into the mine, late at night. The chains and shackles around his or her legs, and through his or her wings (permanently disabling the dragon), clink slowly. A voice growls, and the chains clink faster.
Head Nurse: Describe this patient here.
//The nurses at the foot of my bed think for a moment. They all have veils, while the head nurse doesn't.
Nurse 1: Short.
Nurse 2: Badly injured.
Nurse 3: Pale.
Head Nurse: ...
//My scales are purple, she can't tell that.
Nurse 1: She's colorblind, sorry.
Head Nurse: What I want is a summary description of the patient and her condition.
Nurse 1: Demon.
//The Head Nurse opens her mouth for a moment, then closes it.
HN: You? You're playing the quiet game for five minutes. I'm going to let you think about what you said. Anyone else?
Nurse 2: A dragon.
HN: Oh, a dragon, excellent deduction, nurse. Tell me more and you might get a cookie.
N2: Really?
HN: No! Idiot. What stage of her life is the patient in?
N3: Uh... drakeling?
HN: Yes! Why?
N3: Because... she was born within the last two decades?
HN: _Why do you know the patient is a drakeling_? (Stupid.)
Spike: (I know, right?)
N1: Bipedal figure and lack of wings?
HN: Right! But you're still playing the quiet game. Someone else say it.
N2: Bipedal figure and lack of wings.
HN: Good. Common wisdom says that dragons are dangerous creatures prone to violence who are feared for good reason.
N3: But that's an unfair stereotype that it is our duty as nurses to dismiss outright?
HN: Partly. Every patient has the potential to hurt you; dragons will just hurt you worse and prisoners of war have an incentive to do it. Stay on your toes.
//Wow, that makes me feel a whole lot better. Totally non-discriminatory.
HN: Now, a surgeon is always going to ask you two things: the sex of the patient, and ignigenic status. What is the way to check whether or not a drakeling is in possession of their fire?
N3: Head Nurse?
//She sighs, and it echoes through the yurt.
HN: What?
N3: Why are we checking ignigenic status before sex?
HN: Smart question, nurse; I'll answer it in a bit. How do we check ignigenic status?
N2: ...
N1: ...
N3: ...
HN: Celestia's fucking wings, do you remember _nothing_ from your schooling?
N1: We're actually--
HN: Quiet game!
N3: We're actually members of a religious order called Celestia's Faceless.
N2: Hence the veils.
N3: We're volunteering, we have no training.
HN: (_These_ are the ponies they send me, Celestia's wings...)
Spike: (Please tell me none of them will be operating on me.)
HN: (I might strangle them before it gets to that point.)
//The head nurse places a hoof on my chest.
HN: The method to check a drakeling's ignigenics is to place a hoof on her chest. Now, this drakeling is bound, which means...
N1: What does--
HN: Ap-ap-ap!
N2: What does that mean, head nurse?
HN: Give me the patient's chart, nurse.
//The first nurse bites the clipboard through her veil, and places it on my stretcher.
HN: I was _informed_ that the patient was bound, which should mean ignigenics are dormant. However--
//The head nurse crosses something out in red pen and scribbles a note next to it.
HN: --this drakeling is in full possession of fire.
N3: Why is that important, head nurse?
HN: There are several glands and organs that cooperate to generate dragonfire and I'm sure if you had any background in medicine or biology it would be obvious, but for right now all you need to know is to tell someone smarter than you about it.
N2: And what about the gender of the patient?
HN: Sex, not gender. Gender is a social entity, sex is biological. There are stark differences in abdominal organ configuration for male and female drakelings -- which, again, a medical _professional_ would want to take into account.
N2: I mean, how do you tell it?
HN: Oh. Well, if the patient is ignigenically dormant or unconscious, a thorough examination of the genital slit will suffice. Dragon genitals are not so unlike pony genitals that more than simple intuition should be necessary. (For someone competent.)
N3: Um, head nurse? What if the patient is neither bound or unconscious?
HN: If a drakeling patient can breathe fire and is conscious, you ask politely what sex they are.
Spike: (If some of that respect could be taken off 'dangerous beast' and placed on 'autonomous individual', it'd go a long way...)
HN: (Quiet, prisoner.)
N2: What if the patient lies?
HN: Then she dies in surgery. There's an incentive to tell the truth. If you could please tell us what biological sex you are?
//I was planning on lying, but dying in surgery is kind of a strong disincentive...
Spike: Male.
HN: Thank you. Now, the injuries.

//The veiled nurses then gather around my leg and arm for about an hour each, learning from the head nurse what should be done for each injury in the field, in a hospital short on equipment, and in a well-stocked hospital. I try to remember as much as I can. One of the nurses is mostly intent on staring at me the entire time. I start to worry what she's thinking.
//They leave, and I go to sleep.

//A vision appears in my sleep.
C: Spike.
Spike: Sorry, I'm sleeping. You're a dream.
C: You flatterer. But no, you are hardly asleep.
Spike: Hold on...
//There's something strange about this pony...
C: Take your time.
Spike: Celestia!
C: Yes.
Spike: It's Celestia, creator and ruler of Eque--
C: Must you do this every time?
//I stop, feeling foolish.
Spike: Sorry.
C: Earlier, you had lost hope in your journey, and your will to continue faded alongside your ability.
Spike: But it returned, oh Celestia! I want to be a Hero!
C: And I trust you will be. But today, the onus is on you. I have done for you all that I will to ease your journey, and to alleviate the suffering inflicted upon you by an enemy of dragonkind. This further challenge is yours.
Spike: Further challenge?
C: The world does not wait for someone to save it, Spike. If you are not present, the world will choose other, more dangerous, solutions. You must find a way to continue your journey.
Spike: 'Swings, if only I had one of those golden vials of make-everything-better on me...
//I knew I would regret not taking that one from Pitaya.
C: Indeed. But they are a rare fortune, found only in the care of power.
Spike: Huh. Do you think Applejack would have one?
//Celestia smiles, and it is as the rising of the sun.
Spike: Though I don't care for the idea of dragging myself to her tent with a broken arm and leg.
C: You may care for or not any road which must be. Will you let pain stop you from bringing my glory to Equestria?
Wobbling Voice One: ...was going to be a weather engineer in my Dad's company in Cloudsdale, but then Celestia left, and control of the weather with her...
Wobbling Voice Two: So you joined up?
WVO: What could I do?...
Spike: Why are there pony voices in this dream?
C: There are not. Are you aware of any others who know of you?
Spike: Tell me I won't have to fight off that nurse who was looking at me strangely, with two broken limbs.
C: Awaken, and discover.
//I wake up.

//A small yurt, a stretcher and a thin sheet that lets the cold in like an old friend. My leg and arm are still in casts. A veiled nurse pokes her head in.
//Is that a lamp? As in, with lamp oil? Maybe I can use that... it is on my movable side.
Veiled Nurse: (Uh, hello?)
//Great. Time to be assaulted by the person who should have a conscience but does it anyway.
Spike: (No one's home, go away.)
VN: Did you say something?
Spike: No.
VN: Oh, you're awake.
//The nurse steps over to beside the bed. Ready...
VN: That'll make this easier.
Spike: I usually don't aim to please.
VN: I must be getting lucky, then.
//LIGHT THIS CUNT ON FIRE

The Drakeling grabs the lamp by the base with his left hand!
//The Nurse drops something on my chest, and says:
VN: Here you go, Spike.
Spike: What? What is this?
VN: Hck, what are you doing with that lamp?
//I lift up the lamp and lean forward. A vial of golden liquid?
Spike: Na-Mira?
Na-Mira: Hey, when did you break your leg?
Spike: Yesterday, don't worry about it.
//Hold on.
Spike: Why else would I be in here if not for broken limbs?
Na-Mira: Broken heart?
Spike: Wh--
//Do you get hospitalized for that?
Spike: _How does that make any sense_?
Na-Mira: Hck, it was a joke. Are you going to use the potion, or what?
//I drink the potion. It tastes like wood, but something a little... Apple-wood. Right. I feel only a tingling sensation from my broken limbs, much more intense in my arm. It swells up as --
//WOAH ARE THOSE BONES SHIFTING FUCK THE WHAT
//-- yeah shut up no one cares. It works and that's it. Casts could be roomier, though...
Spike: Okay, I think I'm good. What's with the veil?
//I start tearing off the casts.
Na-Mira: Camp undertakers, I think. Call themselves Celestia's Faceless, something to do with the inevitability of death and humility and lack of identity and whatever. Not important.
Spike: Here I thought you liked holing up with cultist types.
Na-Mira: To hck with that; death cults are freaky.
Spike: Freaky as in freaky, or _freaky_ freaky?
//I can feel Na-Mira's confused stare through the veil.
Na-Mira: Repeating a word twice doesn't change its meaning!
Spike: Sorry, nevermind.
Na-Mira: Oh, yeah, I found out something about the dragon you wanted to see. Quayle, was it?
Spike: Quine.
Na-Mira: Okay.
//Na-Mira stands still, leaning from leg to leg and straining to listen. She glances to the tent flap, where a guard is keeping watch.
Spike: Uh... so what'd you find out?
Na-Mira: Hck?
Spike: What did you find out about Quine?
Na-Mira: Oh! I thought you said 'quiet'!
//Crazy fanged bint...
Na-Mira: There's a dragon by the name of Uuareg who--
Spike: What's his name backwards?
N-M: ...Gerauu?
//WOW THAT WAS REALLY DUMB
Spike: Sorry, got carried away, go on.
N-M: He oversees Hole Five and has the ear of almost every dragon in the Aquinatics. Maybe, if you prove to him you're worthy...
Spike: He'll see fit to lead me to Quine! Na-Mira, you're a genius!
N-M: Aw, you really think so?
//Her body language looks like she's blushing. Snakes can blush?
Spike: Well, uh, no, but that really helps me out. Thank you.
N-M: You're not out of hot water just yet.
//Oh, yeah, prison camp.
//WAS THAT SOMETHING YOU FORGOT OR DID THE POSSIBILITY OF INDEPENDENCE EXTRACTION VIA EJACULATION SEND YOU INTO A STATE OF FUCKNIRVANA?
//Fucknirvana? You're stretching.
//NIRVAGINA, WHATEVER.
Spike: Any plans?
N-M: One. Hold on.
//Na-Mira grabs the leather straps that hang off the stretcher and secures them over me, tightly.
Spike: What are you dhoo--
N-M: Hihihi, sorry, too tight.
//She loosens that strap, and throws a black blanket over the stretcher. The entire world becomes black and muffled.
N-M: (I'm going to smuggle you out.)
Spike: This. Is this really your plan?
N-M: (Quiet, you're sick).
//THIS IS GOING TO BE FUCKING AWESOME
//It's going to fail horribly.
//EXACTLY
Spike: Hold on a second--
//I lean over as far as I can and snatch the ankh, and my cloak, from the bedside table. Everything else can stay.
Spike: --Hokay, let's do this.
N-M: In case I don't make it out with you--
Spike: Come on, don't say that. This is going to work.
//HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
N-M: Quine's lair is under a mountain exactly 26.2 miles 36 degrees east from north away from Hole Five.
//...Good to know.
Spike: So, why am I not going straight there?
N-M: The mountain has a neverending blizzard on it. I thought it would be easier to arrange to meet Quine elsewhere, so I told Uuareg you were coming.
Spike: That's, uh, actually very helpful of you. Thanks, Na-Mira.
N-M: Hck, hihi, quiet, silly, I'm starting.
//Na-Mira pushes the stretcher out through the tent flap.
Guard Pony: Erm, Miss.
//There's a pause. I imagine Na-Mira freezing up, but I can't see anything.
N-M: Yes?
Guard Pony: What exactly do you think you're doing?
//A long pause. For someone who has non-mammalian nostrils, Na-Mira imitates a snort very convincingly.
N-M: I am a _nurse_, young stallion, and one of Celestia's Faceless. I am fulfilling my duty, and need no accusations while doing so. Good night!
//Wow, rather indignant!
GP: What?! He died?!
N-M: Mmm. The leader of my order mentioned he was unwell.
GP: 'Swings, I gotta tell General -- Lieutenant -- Lieutenant General Applejack!
Spike: (As long as it gets him the hell out of here.)
N-M: (Quiet, corpse.)
//I hear the sound of hooves, madly racing away. I'm surprised that worked so well!
Spike: (Hey, that worked!)
N-M: (Brace.)
Spike: (Brace? What does that--)
//Na-Mira shoves the stretcher forward, bouncing over rocks and sand!
Spike: (AaaAAaaAAaaaaaAAa be careful--)
//Na-Mira drags the stretcher uphill, bucking back and forth!
Spike: ('Swings mare this is craaaAAaaAAA--)
//Na-Mira throws the stretcher over a ravine, coming down with a crash on the other side!
Spike: (Are you insane?!)
N-M: (Hck, no. We needed to get away from the camp before the Lieutenant General arrived. Now, we're away from the camp.)
Spike: And we've made enough noise to raise the dead while we're at it!
N-M: (I'm not the only one contributing there, you silly boy!)
Spike: (You said we're far away from the camp? Can I get out now?)
N-M: (Hck... not far enough yet. I think it's best if you stay for now, until we get out of the Gorge.)
Spike: (Okay. I trust you.)
//Na-Mira continues pushing the stretcher, slowly to avoid making noise, and we talk softly as we move uphill.

Spike: What have you learned about the world so far?
Na-Mira: Oh! I learned Princess Celestia's gone.
Spike: Na-Mira, I told you that.
//A pause.
N-M: Oh.
Spike: Anything else?
N-M: Yeah, dragons were a lot rarer in my day than now.
Spike: Really?
//Why would that be?
N-M: But there were more old dragons back then than there are now.
Spike: Who did you learn this from?
N-M: I was asking around about Quine and some old drakeling started telling stories, I guess.
Spike: Did you at least get his name?
N-M: Yeah, it was Father something.
//...
Spike: Father something.
//Na-Mira pauses.
N-M: What? Did I say something funny?
Spike: In this building you talked to this Father something in--
N-M: It was more of a hole, really--
Spike: --Were there any stylized pictures of someone? Like, stained glass windows, or anything?
//Maybe I can start to find out the general religious beliefs of the dragons in the region. I hope they're loyal to Celestia.
N-M: ...I don't think so. Why?
Spike: Was he wearing robes of some sort? Having a fancy cane to walk on?
N-M: Yeah, just like that! Do you know him?
//Do I... Where do this girl's questions come from?
Spike: What color was his robe?
N-M: It was just a normal bathrobe. The cane was nice, though.
//A... bathrobe?
Spike: I thought you said he was called Father.
N-M: Hck, yes, that was what the hatchlings called him. We've been over this.
//Wha...
Spike: Na-Mira, _children_ call their father Father. It didn't occur to you he might have had a different name?
N-M: I don't know! Why is it important?!
//GOOD QUESTION.
//The stretcher comes to a rolling halt.
Spike: (Na-Mira?)
//Silence.
//...I can't decide whether we need to be silent or something dangerous is happening. In preparation, I loosen the leather straps, as quietly as I can.
//HERE'S AN IDEA: LIE BACK AND TAKE IT LIKE YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. MAYBE A GENEROUS MARE WILL COME ALONG AND SURGICALLY EXTRACT YOUR FUCKING USELESS INDIVIDUALITY.
//I don't think I can stand much silence with this guy...
N-M: --Hck!
//That's my cue!
//I throw off the blanket and put up my fists!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

The Unicorn casts Paralyze!
The Drakeling dodges away from the beam!

The Pony strangles the Lamiequus's throat!
The Lamiequus struggles in vain against the grip of The Pony's right front leg on The Lamiequus's throat!

//An earth pony is strangling Na-Mira! And a unicorn in armor is shooting spells left and right!

Unicorn in Armor: Surrender and come quietly!
Spike: Never!

//I leap into the fray!

The Unicorn points at The Drakeling and starts to cast a spell!
The Drakeling breathes fire! The Unicorn backs away, losing the spell!

The Pony strangles the Lamiequus's throat!

Spike: I won't let you hurt my friends.
The Drakeling punches The Pony in the right front leg with his Fist of Justice, bruising the muscle, shattering the bone, jamming the bone through the right front knee and shattering the right front knee's bone!

Strangling Pony: Yaaagh!!
The Pony releases the grip of The Pony's right front leg on the Lamiequus's throat.
The Lamiequus stands up.

Na-Mira: Spike! We have to get out of here!
Spike: We can't let them raise the alarm!
Na-Mira: It's already raised!
UA: Give yourselves in!

The Unicorn points at The Drakeling and starts to cast a spell! The Unicorn casts Paralyze!
The Drakeling jumps away from the beam!
The Drakeling strikes the stretcher in the steel with his Dashing Rogue Punch, denting the support!
The stretcher collapses!
//Whoops.

//I glance up to the sky, quickly. The stars and moon are blocked by cloud cover as far as the eye can see, but colored lights dance in the sky right over our position.
Spike: We have to end this quickly!

Na-Mira drops the *black silk veil*.
UA: What is that?! Keep it away from me!

The Unicorn points at The Lamiequus and starts to cast a spell!
The Drakeling breathes fire!
The Unicorn dodges away from the dragonfire! The Unicorn casts Paralyze!
The flying beam strikes The Lamiequus in the head!

//Na-Mira falls, very rigidly, right on her face, and then to the side.

The Drakeling charges at The Unicorn!
The Drakeling punches The Unicorn in the upper body with his left hand, bruising the muscle and bruising the bone!
The Drakeling collides with The Unicorn and bounces backwards!
The Unicorn leaps backwards! The Unicorn points at The Drakeling and starts to cast a spell!
//I need to stay in his face!

The Drakeling charges at The Unicorn!
The Drakeling kicks at The Unicorn with his right foot, but The Unicorn dodges away!
The Unicorn counterattacks!
The Unicorn points at The Drakeling and starts to cast a spell! The Unicorn casts Stupefy!
The Drakeling is hit by the beam! The Drakeling collapses!

//OKAY, FUCKING GREAT. THAT WORKED WELL, DIDN'T IT? DID YOU AND YOUR IMBECILIC RATEATER OF AN ASSISTANT THINK YOU COULD WALK YOUR SHITTY WAY OUT OF THE WORLD'S MOST SECURE PRISON -- BESIDES THE BOX YOU KEEP YOUR SEXUALITY IN -- WITH A SHITEATING GRIN AND IT WOULD FUCKING WORK? IF THIS WAS A ROUNDABOUT WAY TO ASSURE THAT YOU WOULD BE JUICED LIKE AN UGLY STUPID ORANGE DAILY, THEN CONGRATU-FUCKING-LATIONS, ASSHOLE, YOU'VE WON THE GRAND FUCKING PRIZE. WHY IS IT THAT IT'S UP TO ME TO TELL YOU WHAT A WASTE OF SCALE YOUR SMELLY, WEAK ASS IS WHEN YOU'RE CONSTANTLY SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WHO SHOULD BE DOING THAT FOR YOU, CONSIDERING HOW OBVIOUS IT IS? HONESTLY, I THINK IT'S BECAUSE THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU AT ALL. IF I WEREN'T ALONG FOR THE SHIT-RIDE MYSELF, I MIGHT FIND IT FUNNY TO WATCH YOU DANCE ABOUT AFTER YOUR OWN MISTAKES LIKE THE HATCHLING THAT PISSES ITS OWN PANTS, BUT NO. MY TORTURE IS THAT I HAVE YOU AS MY GUIDE TO THIS WONDROUS DIARRHETIC-SLIP-AND-SLIDE JOURNEY. DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT MAKES ME FEEL, YOU SHITBRAIN? KNOWING THAT I COULD EXPEL WASTE WITH GREATER PROMISE THAN YOU WILL HAVE AND EVER COULD? IT MAKES ME WANT TO THROW UP--

The Drakeling vomits blood!
The Unicorn dodges away from the spewing dragon vomit laced with dragon blood!

Spike: '_SWINGS, WHAT IS TH_--

The Drakeling vomits blood!
The spewing dragon vomit laced with dragon blood strikes the stretcher in the steel, but the attack glances away!

The Drakeling gives into pain! The Drakeling collapses!

UA: ...What the hell?!
//Na-Mira is tied up next to the stretcher. The earth pony, with no armor besides metal boots, is laying a little ways away from her, looking at his broken leg.
Na-Mira: Don't you see?! You morons! This is why I had to get him away! He's contagious, and he'll infect all of us if we don't get him out of here!
UA: And I suppose that explains why you know his name, and why you were worried about the alarm!
//Na-Mira juts out her fangs at him, then retracts them back a little, saying nothing. She can't think of a lie quick enough.
UA: I thought so. I'm onto you, _snake_. You're scalescum just like them.
//A small cough comes from the darkness.
Twilight: Hi, I understand this might not be a good time, but I'm afraid I have to cut things short.
//The Unicorn in Armor goes wide-eyed as Twilight's voice is heard, and Na-Mira hisses. Twilight emerges from the shadows, and in less than half a second casts a little spell.
UA: Professor Kim? What are you doing here?
//Completely taken aback, Twilight stops walking forward. She stares at the unicorn as, far above her, colored flashing lights disappear from the clouds.
T: Um, I'm sorry? Do I know you?
UA: Y-yeah, you were my thaumoquantum statistics teacher at Canterlot UMS. Urist Armok? I, uh, made a joke about the City on the Hill and you threw me out of class.
T: Oh? Déjà vu, then.
UA: I'm afraid I have to ask you to come with--

Twilight Sparkle's horn glows! Twilight Sparkle casts a spell!

//The unicorn, the earth pony, and Na-Mira all disappear!
Spike: What?! How did you do that!
//Twilight rolls her eyes and points to her horn.
//To be fair, that was a really dumb question...
Spike: Where did they go, then?
T: Hmm? Somewhere in Canterlot. Does it really matter?
//Yes!
Spike: Uh, well, I guess not...
//I wanted to hear more of what Na-Mira found out.
Spike: So...
T: So.
Spike: Why? You know, all this. You usually don't help with my fights.
T: _That_ wasn't a fight anymore; you had already lost.

The Drakeling was defeated!
Spike earned 7500 experience points!
Spike is now level 20!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

Spike: Uh, then thanks, I guess; it's good to know--
T: Nope, don't say it, because I won't. If you lose a battle that's on you, Spike. Whether your consequences are being bound to a horrible mare or dismemberment. Or worse, like that snake thing--
Spike: Okay, then what was this interruption about?
//She really doesn't like Na-Mira, for some reason.
T: You've been sick for quite some time now. Have you seen a doctor?
//I have?
Spike: I don't feel sick.
//I sit up, feeling only a little woozy. Twilight is stepping quite a few feet away from the bloody vomit.
T: That's because your immune system isn't responding, because your disease isn't bacterial or viral. If you _had_ seen a doctor, they would have told you that.
//Where would I have found a doctor in the middle of the wilderness?
//WHAT ABOUT THAT VILLAGE YOU BURNED DOWN?
//Hey, I didn't burn the _village_, I burnt down a forest and _coincidentally_--
T: It's... unfortunate, that the weird snake thing--
Spike: She has a name; it's 'Na-Mira'.
T: --decided to do... whatever this was right now.
Spike: I think it was an escape.
T: Sure, we'll go with that.
Spike: Why was it unfortunate?
T: Everything would have worked out perfectly if you had stayed.
//How could that have happened?
Spike: What, some twisted mare would have ended my journey?
T: That's not what I meant. If you had been sick in the tent, you would have gotten a medical examination and been properly diagnosed. Chances are Applejack would have taken mercy on you--
//Is that 'Applejack would have taken mercy,' or Twilight would have asked her to?
T: --and you would have been able to deal with your sickness. As it is now... shame she had to go and ruin it like that.
Spike: Sickness? Just what the hell could I be sick with? I've been drinking health potions like they're water.
//Twilight sighs.
T: And it's a real bummer, because now I have to go and be heavy-hooved with it, when I told you I wouldn't be an ally or anything.
//...I'm still focusing on the sickness part.
T: Think back to your adventures. Did you ever kill a spellcaster?
Spike: A couple. I just came out of a Stupefy spell, my head's not exactly the clearest it could be.
T: Did any of them cast a spell as they were dying?
Spike: ...Lemme think.
//Hmm... Marquise, no. The cult leader (whatever her name was), no. Osto Bacchus, pancaked; Pitaya wasn't a spellcaster... am I forgetting someone?
Spike: Maybe not, I...
//The Royal Mistress, that's right.
Spike: Yes. There was.
T: I was afraid so. Spike, you've been afflicted with something called a dying curse. It's--
Spike: I think I can figure it out.
//A pony's last words which are said to hold some sort of power, combined with the release of magic from a spellcaster's death, turned into a grim trigger for whoever fights that pony -- this is a horrifying curse.
T: A dying curse is a terrible affliction. There's very little in the world that could remove it.
Spike: Could you cast a spell for it? You did just dispel that unicorn's flare signal; it must be possible.
//Twilight thinks for a moment, raising a hoof to her chin.
Spike: ...Is it possible?
T: Trying to think of how to explain this to you... the curse is keyed to both the caster's mental state at time of death and life history. If you're asking me to _guess_, it would take me several billion lifetimes of the universe before I likely got the combination. Without already knowing who she was, of course.
//Darn, there's something with magic that Twilight can't do?
Spike: What else is there?
T: There _is_ something, and that's all you need to know.
Spike: Wha--
//I stand up.
Spike: I have to go on a quest to find the cure, and I don't even know what it is?!
T: It's a very common quest, actually, searching the world for a cure to a mysterious affliction. Although more often undertaken by others, not yourself...
Spike: What guarantee do I have that a cure actually exists, besides you telling me it's true?
//Celestia warned me not to trust Twilight, and this situation seems awfully suspicious.
T: What? Spike, have I ever lied to you?
Spike: I don't know, but I'm not ruling it out.
T: That's... actually very wise of you. So I guess I will give you a hint: the cure is in Everfree Forest.
Spike: Everfree Forest?
T: Why did you just repeat that back to me?
//...I don't know.
//Darn it, I don't have my books with me anymore, not even that atlas written too long ago to use properly. I can barely remember seeing the name though, was it...?
Spike: Near Ponyville?
T: Yes! You're going to want to get on that right away; the pacing of these things is unpredictable and you can't waste time squabbling about with guards and mines and whatnot.
//Twilight starts casting another spell.
Spike: Before you go--
//She opens one of her eyes and looks at me.
Spike: ...Sorry about what I said earlier, on Applejack's back. It was rude and I had no right to say what I did to you.
//An eyebrow goes up, but it looks mocking.
T: Spike, I magically muted you on Applejack's back. No sound could be heard from you by anypony. (It was pretty amusing, actually.)
Spike: Then how did Applejack know what I said?
//A shrug.
T: Maybe the earth told her.
//The earth?
//Twilight Sparkle casts another spell, and disappears in a scentless POP that washes away the smell of Stupefy and my vomit (for a second). I'm left alone, in the dark and cold.
//...This was possibly the strangest thing that's happened to me in my life so far. What the hell happened here?

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//Hole Five. It took me a little while, but I'm here. I stand in the entrance-way, letting the rain pour in from behind and into the dusty cavern.
Dragon Guard: You're letting the cold in.
Spike: Do dragons mind cold?
Dragon Guard: The eggs do. Keep moving.
//I scramble inside, letting the bipedal dragon (with a pike) close the entrance door, covered in mosses and a fern and shaped like a rock.
T: (Why did we even come here?)
Spike: (Na-Mira got me a lead to Quine and I'm not going to let her hard work go to waste.)
T: (Spike, you're dying. There are more important things right now than talking to what amounts to 'some old guy'.)
Spike: (I'm sure it's not that urgent.)
Dragon Guard: ...Excuse me, are you talking to someone?
//Twilight, invisible next to me, suddenly goes still.
Spike: Uh, just... talking to myself.
//He grunts, and stretches his neck, standing at his post.
//Hold on, how did I get here? This is Hole Five, but no one mentioned where it was and frankly I'm not geographically-minded enough to extrapolate from Osdar's flight patterns. I've just been following my feet, there's no way that worked out by coincidence.
//IT'S ALMOST AS IF YOU WERE DRIVEN BY SOME STRANGE FUCKING THING LIKE A GENETIC MIND PATTERN THAT INFLUENCES YOUR DUMB BEHAVIORS IN A SIMILAR MANNER AS MANY OF YOUR SPECIES -- BUT THE WORD ESCAPES ME RIGHT NOW. WHATEVER THAT WEIRD THING IS YOU SHOULD PROBABLY THANK IT AND DO WHAT IT FUCKING TELLS YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT--
//Nah, it was probably just the trail.
//I turn and look into the cavern proper.
//Multicolored scales extend as far as the eye can see. Clustered around stalagmites are makeshift hovels, housing smaller dragons and eggs and families; lying in open spaces wherever they can are larger dragons with wings. Full dragons by age, yes, but the scales stretched tight over their bones and wings tells a different story -- any number could be sleeping, or dead and dying. Clothes look to be a rarity here, and by the ribs and faces of the smaller dragons, food and clean water too.
Spike: By Celestia... what happened?
//The guard next to the entrance behind me grunts:
DG: Hazel happened.
T: (It is unbearably hot in here.)
Spike: What do you mean?
DG: Hazel, that new bitch on the throne, decided the Aquinatics were hers. See, there's a reason that draconic territorial disputes are resolved by the two (or more) involved dragons tearing each other apart scale by scale personally: the rest of us are left the hell alone.
//That's how dragons resolve disputes? Damn...
Spike: ...And this doesn't happen to them.
DG: Her refusal to fight Quine for his territory is the entire reason for our suffering. Any establishment on these lands is property of Quine before others until won in combat. So, when Equestrian tax collectors come around, when Equestrian prospectors and Cavalry start wandering through our sub-territories, they get attacked. As is right and normal.
//Right and normal? It's right and normal to attack ponies for trying to do simple little things like that?
\\People are responsible for their actions whether they were ordered to do something or not. Working as a subordinate of the Equestrian crown is an action which a person is responsible for, and therefore reaps the consequences.
//Killing people just over allegiances is awful! It's literally an example we tell children, for Celestia's sake, to demonstrate why war is so terrible!
T: (And a year and a half afterwards, you can see how that mentality has led to dragon prosperity.)
DG: Hazel hides behind her army and her walls, sending others to die for her own territorial gains. She's a coward and a tyrant.
Spike: Hazel...
DG: The damning thing about Her Cowardice is that she's fought dragons before, and she knows how dragon territorial disputes work. She can't even claim ignorance! Hazel is just a scared little pony who knows she can't take on Quine in a real fight.
Spike: So... so, you're saying if Quine and Hazel were to fight, this would all be over?
T: (Nothing is that simple.)
DG: Yes, it's that simple. Knowing Quine, it'd be a fight to the death.
Spike: Why?
DG: He's an old dragon. Old dragons are fucking crazy. They don't mess around.
//He speaks with a tone of respect... you shouldn't respect someone just because they're a zealot in what they do. Having the courage to admit you may be wrong, and that restraint may be necessary, is also something you should respect...
Spike: But, they say it's a war out there... people burning down tax houses and attacking refugees.
DG: Tax houses? Quine has burnt down entire villages, man. And hell, if I could, I would too.
Spike: What?! Why?!
//The guard cocks his head and stares at me for a little while. I think he's starting to realize I'm not from around here.
DG: Because Hazel is doing the same to us. She sends her soldiers out to harass Quine's clan to draw him out, so we do the same to draw her out. We're willing to see the fight further, and in the end, that's what will win.
//...
Spike: That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.
//Words float through my head, though I have no idea where they're coming from.
\\You believe that your side has suffered an injustice, and the other side are the aggressors. Nobody ever goes to war thinking they're the ones at fault.
DG: What, you think I'm lying?
\\Neither side is lying... Both sides believe they are in the right. Believing to be the side of justice opposing cruelty, both sides slaughter the other, feeling justified in their own cruelty.
DG: Quine made his land claim _the hour_ Celestia disappeared. The word of a dragon is as good as his gold, and he's been protecting us ever since -- he swore to protect and provide for every dragon in his clan.
//He opens his arms wide, raising his voice a bit.
DG: And then, a month later, that bitch Hazel makes her claim and starts sending settlers to our land. What are we supposed to do, roll over and die for them?!
\\Each side in this war believe they are on the side of justice. Their enemies are nothing but evil incarnate, and so each gets drunk on the violence when able to punish the other for their perceived misdeeds.
\\It's not just the war here, but the wars of the world itself. When you stand on the side of justice and the other of evil, it's quite easy to shrug off your own brutality.
Spike: ...Why can't you just coexist, on the same land?
DG: We shouldn't have to, these are our--
Spike: Aside from your pride, why can't you just coexist? Isn't it better for the average person just to live a normal life, instead of being in the middle of all this destruction?
DG: That is not the dragon way. The strongest rules because those who are strongest are oldest, and those who are oldest are wisest. Compromise is a sign of weakness. It's not who we are as a people.
//I put my hand on my forehead and squeeze. Somehow, someone as stubborn as this exists, and perspectives like this, too.
Spike: Whatever. You're an idiot, but whatever.
//The guard rolls his eyes, and leans back on the wall.
DG: Sure, throw in your lot with Hazel. She's the worst thing to happen to Equestria since Celestia, honestly.
Spike: Uh... what?
DG: Celestia is the damn reason dragonkind is so weak in the first place. Things wouldn't be so bad for us if it weren't for her, missus dragon slaughterer prime. But what do you care about what I have to say? Get out of here, race traitor!
//He spits on the ground in front of him, and stares at me. I decide to walk off, looking for Uuareg.
//What an ass.

Spike: (Is that all true, what he said?)
T: (For the most part. It's a common mentality in these parts.)
Spike: (Even what he said about Celestia?)
T: (I can't say.)
Spike: (Can't? Or won't?)
//The inside of the temple is hardly decorated; I would call it more of a circular hole in the cavern wall than a temple. A dragon, barely sprouting wings, sits on a makeshift wooden throne near the far end of the circle; next to him, a pedestal with an item.
Spike: Uh, hi, are you Uuareg?
//The dragon shifts in his chair. The scales on his knees are cracked and look like knotted treebark more than feathers.
Spike: (He must pray a lot.)
T: (Or he has a second, nighttime job.)
Spike: (Don't be rude.)
Knotted Knee: I was once the one called Uuareg. But called that I no longer am.
Spike: I'm told you're able to contact Quine for me.
//Uuareg quickly sits up in a chair. For a long time he stares at me... I blink once or twice and look away.
KK: Have you come here from pony lands?!
//Uh, he thinks I'm a spy, crap... what do I do?

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

>>TELL THE TRUTH
>>LIE

Spike: Uh... no.
T: (You're a bad liar.)
Spike: (Thanks for the vote of confidence. And it's not a lie, I came here from wildlands.)
T: (Ashen lands, you mean?)
Spike: (Quiet.)
//The newly turned full dragon slumps back in his chair, shoulders falling. He rambles,
KK: For long have I served Celestia, and she has decided to make me her knowledge keeper of the dragon people in this world. I do have of Quine's ear. But... Celestia has instructed me only to serve the drakeling 'with roots in lands of the four-legs'.
//Wait, crap; I was supposed to say yes?! Damn, I should probably get him back on my side... Celestia instructed him to tell me, so it must mean I have to meet Quine!
Spike: Oh! That's, uh, that's me. I come from Ponyville. Can't get more four-legged than that. I, er, thought you were talking about... where I just was. Ashen wasteland, that place.
//The knowledge keeper leans forward.
KK: You... is your name Spike?
Spike: Yes! It is!
//Wow, he's good!
//A smile breaks across his face, like a child being rewarded.
KK: Ah, Celestia, you have brought the one to me, as you promised! I will see him true!
Spike: (Another follower of Celestia's wisdom, great!)
T: (Something seems funny about him, though...)
Knowledge Keeper: Several nights ago, Celestia came to me in a dream. With her flowing mane, and shapely wings... her appearance was angel's breath, and--
T: (Get to the important part, 'Swings.)
Spike: (He's reciting fanfiction; have some respect.)
//The Knowledge Keeper shudders and returns back to reality.
KK: ...Anyway, so Celestia gave me a revelation. A drakeling, raised by ponies, would come before me. And this drakeling without a proper background would be the one to dethrone Princess Hazel.
Spike: That's me!
//Through Celestia we all see the path!
KK: Now, it is up to me to indicate the path you should take! Three mystical items, infused with magic, you must gather to prove your worth. The Trident of Power, the sword called Reality, and the necklace named Leave A Tin Out For The Cat Will You I Don't Want It To Starve.
Spike: (_What_?)
T: (Latoftcwyidwits was a product of one of the most evil minds to ever cast spells.)
Spike: (Necromancer?)
T: (Jester. But the necklace has been destroyed.)
KK: I shall bestow this only upon the one who has obtained all three artifacts.
//The keeper motions to an amazing helmet set next to his seat. It shines like a star, gems pulsing.
KK: The helmet of a true predator... The Goddess Helm! If you wear this cap, it's said out of respect for Celestia's power all ponies -- even Princess Hazel herself -- will bow to you! No pony may even approach it!
T: (...)
//Twilight looks calm. She's certainly in the same room as the helm...
KK: Now, begin your journey to gather the three artifacts! Only they can protect you from the Helm's power, so that you can control it.
T: What a crock of shit.
//Twilight lowers her hood as she approaches the helm.
Spike: Twilight, what are you doing?
KK: 'Twilight'? You couldn't mean--
T: Saving time.
//Twilight bites the helm and tosses it above her head! In the next moment, the Goddess Helm shatters into pieces!
KK: No! This cannot be!
Spike: Twilight!
T: It's a helm enchanted to glow, Spike. If you fall for crap like that, you'll never put a scratch on anyone. Trident, Reality, Latoftcwyidwits? If you had those things, Princess Hazel would be looking for an audience with _you_, not the other way around. He may as well ask you to get the Rod of Asclopius! This con is transparent. A bunch of malarkey!
KK: ...ooo...
//At the loss of his helm, the keeper is struck pale and stares at the floor. Is he going to be okay?
T: Here's what you should do. Ignore the fact you're a dragon, it has about as much to do with who you are as the fact that you're purple or do a little squeak when you sneeze. There's nothing for you here.
//I really do that?
T: After you go to Everfree Forest and get cured, find out about the Avatars. They're the Princess's knights.
//Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity. Also known as the best fighters in the world, the knights of the Princess, and the Avatars.
Spike: Why the Avatars?
T: Locate them, and if you pass their test, they'll give you their blessings.
Spike: What will that do for me?
T: You'll gain a mighty power from each of them. And a holder of all five Elements can request an audience with the Princess.
Spike: ...Really...?
//I thought she was listening while Rainbow Dash told me this earlier. Hell, she _commented_, why is this being repeated?
Spike: Why are you just telling me this now?
T: Are you going to do what he said, then? Even your judgment can't be that poor.
//Even if I don't know why, it sounds like she's telling the truth.
Spike: ...Okay, I believe you.
//As I say that, fell laughter rings out.
KK: Fuaahaahoha! Oooo Celestia. Look at what happened! Fufuhaha!
T: (Hey... did he break?)
//It seems like the helm breaking caused some psychological damage to him...
Spike: (I'm getting out of here before someone checks what's going on.)
T: (Good idea.)
//We leave the temple. There's nothing left for me here.
Spike: You know...
T: What?
Spike: ...I still really want to meet Quine.
T: Ugh, you're such an idiot. What does it matter? You still have the curse to dispel, you know!
//Twilight storms off in a huff, and disappears in a burst of scentless air.
//Today has not been a good day for conversations for me.

//Quine's Lair.
//Or, the only mountain path up to it. Gah, why did it have to blizzard today of all days?!
T: It's such a nice day outside. Aren't you glad we came this way?
//I shout over the snow being blown into my face:
Spike: I couldn't hear you over being carried away by the wind and freezing to death! It sounded like you said it was a nice day! But you haven't been struck in the head recently, so that couldn't be it!
T: I said--
Spike: I heard you!
//When you look at a piece of paper, a thirty degree slope doesn't look intimidating. Wading through waist-high, wet snow uphill against a biting wind, thirty degrees is about sixty too many. Visibility is less than ten feet, and I doubt the temperature's much higher.
T: Why are you complaining? Dragons can't feel heat!
Spike: We can feel cold!
//And I really wish we couldn't.
Spike: How are you standing on this?!
//Twilight walks on top of the snow, leaving only light hoofprints. Any snow that hits her slides off, like water off a duck's back.
T: Magic!
Spike: Damnit, magic can't solve everything! Even with four hooves, you're too heavy to stand on the snow like that!
T: Wh-- are you calling me fat?
//I keep struggling through the snow. Yeah, this is exactly what I need right now.
Spike: No, I--
T: Because it sounds like you're calling me fat!
Spike: Gravity, mass, and surface area! The pressure should compress the snow!
T: Dimensional analysis doesn't change what you said!
Spike: Fine! You're not fat; gravity is just too strong!
//Or her hooves are too small. Whichever.
Spike: Also, _how are you not freezing_?!
T: Also magic!
//Go to hell, magic! Why do you make everyone's life convenient but mine?
Spike: Can you throw some of that magic my way?!
T: You can breathe fire, right?
Spike: Only so much of it!
//I turn my back to the wind, and breathe fire on my hands until I can feel them again. Immediately, I feel a little colder inside. It really is dangerous out here...
Spike: Do you know a magic spell for everything?
T: I'm very good at research!
Spike: How about a 'dispel-blizzard' spell? Do you have one of those?!
T: Give me ten days and I'll make one!
Spike: How-- you can _make_ spells?!
T: There's a lot you can do with magic! You see this?
//Behind where I've dug into the snow, Twilight wiggles her butt. I don't get it.
Spike: What is that, a tattoo?
T: I thought you read about pony anatomy!
Spike: I didn't get to the tramp stamp section!
T: It's not -- ugh, you're such an idiot!
Spike: You got the windrose on your flank so, what? Your lover would know which side of the bed is north?
T: It's a cutie mark! They're a biological part of puberty! They reflect what a pony wants to do with his or her life!
//How does that make any sense?! Genetics doesn't work like that!
//THE UBIQUITOUS ANSWER TO EVERYTHING, FUCKING MAGIC. AND NO, THAT'S FUCKING MAGIC, NOT FUCKING MAGIC. YOU FUCK.
//Repeating something twice doesn't change its meaning!
T: The star represents magic! It's what I do and who I am!
Spike: It should have been a book and a whip!
//OR DEAD PARENTS.
//Suddenly, I fall into the snow!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

The Drakeling slams into the ground!
//There's less snow here. I extract my face from the snow-sprinkled rocks and look up.
//This is some sort of short tunnel, dug without any sort of precision or craftsmanship. In fact, it looks like it was carved by some sort of claw. Behind me, high drifts block sight out of the cave, broken only by a me-shaped hole which is quickly filling in. Ahead is a brightly lit cavern, and a slow wave of heat coming towards us.
//Twilight steps next to me. She casts a quick spell and disappears.
Spike: (Gone?)
T: (Invisible. Quiet.)
Spike: (Is this Quine's Lair?)
T: (What were you expecting, a baker's?)
//I walk forward, into the heat. The tunnel ends abruptly in thin air, dropping away below me. Torches every so often are lit, hanging on the great cavern walls. The ceiling is only a few stories above me, but the floor is far down below where the torches reach, shrouded in darkness. Similar tunnels are dug into the walls of the cavern, all around and in levels... like a ring, I guess.
Spike: (So, what, do I knock?)
//I knock on the stone wall.
Spike: Hellooo-oo? Is Quine home?
//Two sniffs and a grunt come from the darkness below. Like a long, silver serpent, an immense head and neck rises out of the darkness.
//Quine rises to the level of the tunnel, smoke drifting out of his nostrils. He points his head directly towards me, eyes closed. A long, forked tongue flicks in and out between razor-sharp teeth as he snarls.
//'Swings, one tooth is bigger than my entire torso...
//Quine snaps his eyes open and roars:
Quine: What arrogant mare dares to disturb the great Quine's slumboh I'm sorry.
//Quine looks me over with a great eye. He takes quite some time to do so.
Quine: ...Should I have been expecting you?
Spike: Uh... what was that bit about the mare?
//A short pause. Quine flicks his eyes downwards for a second, and then raises his eyebrows.
Quine: Well, I, you see,
//mumble cough ratter murmur,
Quine: Was expecting that you were, um, you see, it smelled just a bit like... Please excuse me for a moment.
//The great silver head retreats again into the darkness.
Spike: (Er... what was that?)
T: (How should I know?)
Spike: (He said it smelled like a mare.)
T: (He didn't say that.)
Spike: (It was implied.)
T: (Probably a reaction to intimidate and scare a potential enemy he thought was here, but it turned out to be a dragon.)
Spike: (But he was expecting someone?)
//Quine's head rises again from the darkness, to face me. It is far less menacing this time.
Quine: Can I help you with something?
Spike: Y-yeah, we met in Forlegsandria when Rainbow Dash attacked.
//He nods slightly, continuing to look at me.
//A pause in the conversation.
Quine: Who is that, exactly?
Spike: The Avatar of Speed.
//Quine opens his eyes wide.
Quine: Oh! Oh, I see, yes, you were that small drakeling, in the courtyard. I see. So you came to the Aquinatics, despite all I'd said?
Spike: I did.
Quine: Shame, really, we can't do much for you here. You gathered my location from one of the Holes, I'm sure; you see what kind of state they're in. If you came here to help... well, I much appreciate the spirit.
Spike: I can't help?
//Quine bites his upper lip and rocks his head from side to side.
Quine: I'm sure there's a little you could do, if I put my head to it, but what we really need is any dragon with wings, I'm afraid.
Spike: I'm... not exactly here to fight.
//I don't have a stake in either side, and it doesn't look like in the near future any sort of harmony is going to be possible. There's no reason for me to waste my efforts, or make things even worse.
T: (Ankh.)
Quine: Did you say something?
Spike: I, uh, said I came here to return something to you.
//I hold out the grey ankh for Quine to see. He squints his eyes and peers at it over his nostrils. His tone becomes a bit more serious.
Quine: Jebed told you about that, did she?
Spike: Not as much as I would have liked. What is it?
Quine: It's an old trinket. Nothing more. Keep it.
Spike: I came here to give this back to you. Isn't it yours?
Quine: ...Back in the distant past, these symbols were worn by a certain cult of people. Celestial Inquisitors, they were called. Holy warriors in the name of Celestia, dedicated to hunting down and eradicating dissent and threats to the throne. They were known for their ferocity, and willingness to embrace death. Legend had it Celestia herself ripped fear from their skulls.
Spike: (Is this true?)
T: (A dark, but surprisingly well documented, time in Equestrian history.)
Quine: During this time, dragons were fighting each other as well as Equestrian soldiers. These necklaces were taken from the corpses of Inquisitors for two reasons: firstly, to demonstrate to other dragons one's power, and secondly, to publicly declare by wearing it eternal enmity against Celestia and all she stood for.
//Eternal enmity?
Spike: I thought Celestia was generally regarded as a benevolent figure.
Quine: Even among ponies you will find that is not always true, but it is most certainly true that Celestia's perfect Equestria included no dragons. But that is a long and troublesome subject. The ankh came to symbolize fanaticism; it became a generic symbol for those who fought without fear of death and drove themselves to their goals with no compulsions. It will intimidate your enemies, at least the ones who know what it represents. So, keep it.
Spike: ...Are you sure?
Quine: Of course I'm sure. (It's also a communications device, but that part will come up later.)
//I put the ankh back around my neck. It feels warm.
Spike: Okay. Do you think Applejack would know what it means?
//I wonder if I can get the upper hand by intimidation...
//A long pause.
Quine: Who?
Spike: Avatar of Strength.
//Immediately, Quine narrows his eyes.
Quine: I would doubt it. She is as short-sighted and insular as she is predictable.
Spike: Okay... there were two other things I wanted to ask for your advice on.
Quine: I have some time, drakeling; please continue.
Spike: I caught this thing called a dying curse. It's--
Quine: Fighting spellcasters? Surprising, at your tender age, that you should even survive such a task. Perhaps I underestimated you.
//He nods his head sagely.
Quine: What was your name again?
Spike: Spike.
Quine: Spike, you wish to remove the dying curse, I take it?
//I nod vigorously. Spewing bloody vomit everywhere until I die doesn't sound fun.
Quine: There is a pony, in the village of Ponyville, who tends to a mystical glade in the Everfree Forest. As Keeper of the Glade, she can commune with it, and should she grant you her favor, the pristine waters will cleanse you of this foul affliction. Seek out Fluttershy, Keeper of--
T: Fluttershy?!
//I quickly open my mouth so it looks like I said that. Quine snaps his mouth closed, narrows his eyes, and starts peering into the tunnel behind me...
//I cough, rubbing my throat.
Spike: Sorry, squeaked out there. Fluttershy, you said?
T: (Oh... oh, Celestia, why?!)
Quine: Yes. She will be the judge of your fate.
T: (I did _not_ need to know that about her; 'swings, that's just... _wrong_.)
Spike: (What are you complaining about?)
T: (He knows Fluttershy by name but not the other Avatars.)
Spike: (So?)
T: (Expecting a mare to enter his lair. Greeting with cheesy, roleplay-esque language. First name basis. Avatar of Temptation.)
//Is she saying...?
Spike: (That's not... by Celestia, _how_ would that _work_?!)
T: (It wouldn't! _It's bigger than her torso_!)
Quine: Spike? Are you talking to someone?
//YOU SHOULDN'T DROP OUT OF ONE-ON-ONE CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE MORE HANDSOME AND STRONGER AND MORE INTELLIGENT AND BETTER THAN YOU ARE, IT'S KIND OF RUDE.
Spike: Er... yeah, I was... talking to the dragon instinct.
//Quine rolls his eyes and smiles. He understands.
Spike: There's something else I wanted to talk to you about. I, uh, talked a bit with Jebed in Forlegsandria about it and I decided I want to be a Hero.
Quine: Hero? Like, slay the menacing dragon, rescue--
Spike: --the damsel Hero, yeah, not as much. I want to be a powerful, so I can fight for what's right.
Quine: And what would you like to discuss about that?
Spike: I want your advice on how to do that. You're the oldest dragon I know of, and it's said you fight the Avatar of Strength -- if anyone can give me the wisdom I seek, it's you.
//Quine snorts, amused. Twin puffs of smoke wash over me and pull my cloak back.
Quine: You wish for power? Wait five hundred years; you'll be strong.
//I can't just do that. Ponies and dragons are outside slaughtering each other for dumb reasons as we speak, I can't let that happen for five hundred more years! I need power, so I can show how cooperation is possible!
Spike: I can't. I'm not fighting for myself.
Quine: Then why fight?
//Why am I fighting? If I don't fight, evil -- pirates like Marquise's and cults like Saccr-Ulkip's and goons like Osto Bacchus's -- they'll hurt innocent people! That's reason enough to fight!
\\You want to protect others? Join the guard. That can't be it.
//Because... because the world could fall apart. Ponies and dragons are at odds with one another right now, and maybe it's a little better in Forlegsandria but I'm sure there's a lot of work to do there. If people start tearing each other limb from limb because of hatred... there will be no end to it.
\\So start a drum circle. Why are you trying to overthrow the Princess? What help does that do, except increase the enmity between ponies and dragons?
//...The Princess let threats like Osto Bacchus rise in her own kingdom. She does nothing to end the Aquinatic conflict, she put 'hundreds of dragons' underground herself... Princess Hazel has to be defeated for any dragon to have sympathy with the Equestrian crown. No dragon will respect ponies if they're represented by her.
\\And ponies themselves will start to respect dragons? After one and a half years of war?
//That's why I have to be a Hero. I have to be the best -- the strongest, the brightest, and the most glorified! If I'm universally loved as a noble Hero, ponies will see me -- and all of dragonkind -- in a better light! If I keep defeating evil where I find it, fame has to follow.
\\And you're going to do all that by killing their Princess.
//...If I'm a Hero, I'll be able to show them why someone else needs to rule. Someone better.
\\Who? You?
//HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Spike: ...If I wait too long, hate between dragons and ponies will get too entrenched in who we both are. If I show people -- with my words and my actions -- that coexistence is possible, I'm sure it can be done.
Quine: You want the masses to embrace an ideology?
Spike: I guess, when you put it like that, yeah.
Quine: Gather power. With gold, buy an army; with magic, summon one. Start a religion, or hijack an existing one; usurp the throne. Whichever. Then, force your ideas into the schools, and kill anyone who doesn't agree. That is my advice. Your ideology will be the only one as far as your spears reach.
//That's not any sort of advice at all!
Spike: That's not the point! You can't just go around killing people who don't agree with you!
Quine: On the contrary, young drakeling, you can. Dragons have been doing it for thousands of years. It is our way.
Spike: That... it's not the way I want to be.
Quine: A fish could want to grow wings and fly, and what does that change? Ideas attach themselves to power. That is the nature of our world.
Spike: You said 'power', not violence. There's a difference.
Quine: To dragonkind, the words are one and the same. Violence is the call of power, like thunder is the sound of lightning. One cannot exist without the other.
Spike: Then, then... that's not the kind of dragon I want to be.
Quine: Then you would not be any kind of dragon at all.
Spike: 'Dragon' isn't a mentality; it's just a species.
Quine: With instincts and traditions, youngling, that you would toss aside for your own whims. You will find that if you try to replace them, you will be met with violence.
Spike: There are other kinds of power besides violence. I'll use it only as a last resort.
//Here I'm saying that, when Celestia gave me the quest of killing Princess Hazel.
\\...I'll only kill Princess Hazel if there's really no other way. I'm sure there's a way to get her off the throne without doing that.
//She said there wasn't another way. Are you saying Celestia is wrong?
\\No... no... there has to be some way to reconcile all these things.
Spike: ...I want dragons and ponies to live in harmony. I want Princess Hazel off the throne. And I want to do it all without killing anybody. Which is why I want to be your student.
//Quine narrows his eyes and looks at me. A long while passes, as smoke drifts up from his nostrils. Eventually, a smile breaks.
//He purrs, like a cat.
Quine: Now, that... _That_ is a challenge worthy of a _dragon_.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//I spend a full month training with Quine. I learn physical strikes, strategic maneuvers, dragonkind's history, board games... whatever he's willing to teach me. I learn that the mystical Keeper of the Glade near Ponyville, Fluttershy, can commune with the Glade so its waters may heal any illness. I harden my body, to try to stave off confronting her.
//It's not enough, and my sickness gets worse. I have to leave.

//Quine: You will travel to the pony city of Detrot. Find the religious order of the veil called Celestia's Faceless and join them. They will provide you safe passage to Canterlot, and from there you may seek out the Keeper of the Glade.
//Spike: The Avatar of Temptation also holds the Element of Kindness. I'll need that if I'm going to defeat the Princess.
//Quine: By seeking out and defeating the Avatars, you will gain power enough to defeat Hazel. There is some respect that comes with power, but it is not enough for your ends. You must rise in the ranks of Celestia's Faceless, and champion good wherever you can. Admiration of Celestia has lessened as of late but not that for her devout; through association both you and the Faceless will grow stronger.
//Spike: And then what?
//Quine: And then you have options. Do you confront Hazel by violence and alone, to establish the new Celestia-chosen ruler of Equestria? Do you lead a popular revolution to hand the throne to the Faceless, as stewards until the return of your goddess? Will the philosophies and influence of the Faceless, headed in all but name by you, control local and regional politics more than the Canterlot throne, cutting her off from her own kingdom? Can you convince the heir, or Hazel herself, to embrace your religious decrees and rule by proxy?
//Spike: So we're going with the 'hijack a religion' route. I don't know if I feel comfortable manipulating people using the name of a goddess...
//Quine: 'Manipulating people'? All gods are extensions of the worshiper. If the people embrace your ideas, then their goddess will take on those ideas. Not the other way around.
//Spike: What if Celestia doesn't agree with what I'm doing?
//Quine: Then you have far bigger problems than public relations.
//Spike: I think I'm going to gather the five Elements of Harmony and talk to Princess Hazel. Whatever happens, I guess I'll figure it out after that.
//Quine: In legend, it is said there are six Elements of Harmony.
//Spike: Six? But there are five Avatars. Where's the sixth?
//Quine: On the head of Princess Hazel. It is her crown. It is the Element of Magic, and it is no trinket. She will use it to enslave you given half a chance.

//On the downward slope of Mount Triponi, there are many shrubs and grasses sticking out from the rocks. There are no animals here to check the vegetation, no fish in the stream rolling down next to me, and no natural predators left around to starve. Dragons have picked clean every last bit of meat in this entire region. I haven't had anything but reed soup for three days.
T: So? How does it feel?
Spike: How does what feel?
//Eating like a pony for days on end? It feels like my stomach is in a knot.
T: Finally knowing what you're working towards, and having a plan to get there. I just love it when a plan is finally complete, so you can start making real progress instead of stumbling about in the dark, you know?
//Hey!
Spike: Sure.
T: The only thing better than making a good plan is seeing it work. It's just amazing!
Spike: I always knew what I was trying to do.
T: ...It didn't seem like it sometimes.
Spike: Celestia told me from the beginning to defeat the false Princess. And, uh, she said a lot of stuff about dragons being her treasured creation, so I guess advancing our rights was kind of implied. I forget a lot of the wording.
T: That totally doesn't sound like you're putting your own words in her mouth.
Spike: Uh, no, she seriously said all that. It was the first vision I had of her.
//Twilight shakes her head.
T: Spike, I knew Princess Celestia for a long time, and probably better than anypony. Dragons and ponies living side by side as equals, I could see her saying that. But overthrowing the new Princess? That sounds like more trouble than it's worth, and it certainly doesn't sound like the Celestia I knew.
//Strangely enough, she was more insistent about that. The dragon and pony stuff I really kind of tacked on.
Spike: Hazel has the Element of Magic, right?
T: Yes, it's her crown.
Spike: To see her, do I have to collect that? Wouldn't that defeat the purpose?
T: No, it's just symbolic. All the Elements of Harmony are symbolic. Magical analysis indicates none of them are potent in any way, they're just pretty jewelry.
Spike: Even the Element of Magic?
T: Yes. I mean, why would anyone go around with an immensely powerful magical item less than one inch away from their brain at all times? Talk about a safety hazard!
//Quine said it was a powerful magical item... who's telling the truth here?
Spike: Could I skip collecting them and just ask for an audience with the Princess?
T: Symbols are important, Spike. If you show off five of the Elements, it means the owners were unwilling or unable to take them back from you, and that makes you worth talking to. Getting the Avatars to grant you the Elements is one way to do that.
Spike: 'Grant' me? Something to do with the tests you were talking about?
T: Right! You'll find out more as you approach each one. For now--
//She suddenly POPs and in her place is stale air. Why did she disappear mid-sentence like that?
//From downstream comes a furious hiss and a clattering of teeth!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

Spike: Oh. Galsid. You look well.
//The grey dragon standing on a rock is the one I saw with Osdar earlier. A nasty-looking wound in her wing has scabbed over around the edges, but there's still a hole. Another gash runs up her right arm, from wrist to shoulder. It looks sealed with dragonfire.
Spike: That's unsanitary, you know.
GSD: Shut up!
//THIS IS GOING TO GO WELL.
//She's spreading her wings wide, trying to intimidate by looking larger. Her claws still look sharp, but for a full dragon Galsid is very small.
\\She's bigger than you, remember.
//ANYTHING STILL BIPEDAL IS A PUNY PIECE OF SHIT. OH, HEY, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT--
GSD: You're an Equestrian spy, aren't you? Answer me!
Spike: No.
GSD: I don't believe you!
Spike: (Didn't see that coming.)
//Galsid shouts above the running stream:
GSD: You led Strength right to Osdar, and you tried to kill me!
Spike: What?! Galsid, I had no idea App-- the Avatar was going to ambush us!
GSD: Liar! The entire thing was a setup, to kill one of the best fighting dragons in the Aquinatics!
Spike: How could that have been a setup? I was lying on the road with a broken leg and arm! What was I supposed to do but lie there?!
GSD: Yes, and now you're miraculously healed. What a coincidence! I thought I smelled burning rubber when we found you, but I wasn't sure -- I wanted to be polite.
//...Do I really smell that bad?
//HELL YES
//She screams:
GSD: And it cost me my best friend's _life_!!
Spike: Galsid, I was on the road because I lost a fight to the Avatar of Speed! Not because I was part of some sort of -- whatever you're accusing me of! And the Avatar and the Cavalry ambushed us because -- because that's what they _do_! They're military units!
GSD: And I suppose that's why you have Celestia's leash around your neck.
Spike: Uh, what?
T: (The ankh.)
GSD: It's their symbol, and their god. You belong to a pony. You're one of _them_.
//Their. Them. Dangerous, tribalist language.
Spike: This? This is _jewelry_, man.
GSD: I will bring you back to dragonkind. Even if you are enslaved already.
Spike: Oh, great, here we go with this crap again.
GSD: That is the power of dragonkind, to break the bonds of any non-dragon mate. Two dragons are more powerful than one, and when I free you you will see what a fool you have been.
//Hold on, what?
//SHE SAID BONING A DRAGON RECOVERS YOU FROM NON-DRAGON DICKSLAVE-DOM. I DON'T SEE WHAT'S SO DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT THAT.
//Why would it?
//BECAUSE THAT'S HOW IT FUCKING WORKS SHUT UP AND GO WITH IT YOU SHITFACE
GSD: And I will make sure you are dragonkind's, forever. The bond between two dragons is impossible to break.
Spike: The last dozen or so ponies who threatened to assault and enslave me I beat the tar out of. You may be a dragon, but I'm gonna stick with that approach. It's worked well for me in the past.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

The Drakeling breathes in and focuses, casting Terrae Corpus! The Drakeling's scales become as hard as rock!

The Dragon charges at The Drakeling!
The Dragon slashes The Drakeling in the upper body with her left claw, tearing the scale!
The Dragon collides with The Drakeling! The Dragon bounces backwards!
//Yow, her claws are sharp! Try to wrestle!

The Drakeling grabs The Dragon by the right upper arm with his left hand!
The Drakeling punches The Dragon in the lower body with his right hand, bruising the scale and bruising the muscle!

//Galsid snarls!
The Dragon bites The Drakeling in the upper body through the brown cloak, tearing the scale and tearing the muscle!
The Dragon latches on firmly!
//Gyahh! New plan!

The Drakeling kicks The Dragon in the upper body with his right foot, bruising the muscle and bruising the left false rib!
The Drakeling claws at The Dragon in the head with his right hand, but the blow is deflected by The Dragon's scales!

//With a mighty twist of her neck, she throws me into the water!
The Dragon throws The Drakeling by the upper body with her lower front teeth!
The Drakeling slams into the water!
The Drakeling slams into the obstacle! The Drakeling's left lower leg takes the full force of the impact, denting the scale!

//Get out of the stream. There's muck all in it and it's up to your knees, you won't be able to move quickly.
\\Also mountain streams like this probably have parasites and bacteria and your shoulder is drooling blood. Stand up, you're already sick enough.
//I'LL SAY.
The Drakeling stands up.

The Dragon charges at The Drakeling!
The Dragon slashes The Drakeling in the left lower arm with her right claw, tearing the scale!
The Dragon collides with The Drakeling! The Drakeling tumbles backwards! The Drakeling falls over!
//Shit!

The Drakeling kicks The Dragon in the right lower leg with his right foot, bruising the muscle!
The Dragon loses her balance and falls over!

The Dragon stands up.
The Drakeling stands up.

The Dragon slashes The Drakeling in the upper body with her left claw, tearing the scale!

Spike: Enough of that!
The Drakeling grabs The Dragon by the left lower arm with his right hand!
The Drakeling kicks The Dragon in the left claw with his left knee, bruising the muscle, shattering the bone, jamming the bone through the left wrist and shattering the left wrist's bone!

//With a wordless scream, Galsid rushes at me!

The Dragon charges at The Drakeling!
The Dragon strikes The Drakeling in the head with her right elbow, denting the scale and bruising the muscle!
The Dragon collides with The Drakeling! The Drakeling tumbles backwards!
//I roll further than I should -- I feel woozy. That blow to the head, wow...
\\Get up, you're out of the stream but on your back and vulnerable!
//No rest for even a second?

The Dragon leaps forward, towards The Drakeling!
//Galsid lands firmly on my stomach, flaring out her wings!
Spike: Oof!
The Dragon grabs The Drakeling by the lower body with her left upper leg!
The Dragon grabs The Drakeling by the lower body with her right upper leg!
The Dragon grabs The Drakeling by the throat with her right claw!

GSD: I do this for the betterment of all dragonkind. Not for the love of a measly worm like you.
Spike: Get... off me!

The Dragon places a chokehold on The Drakeling's throat!
The Drakeling grabs The Dragon by the right lower arm with his left hand!
The Drakeling grabs The Dragon by the right lower arm with his right hand!

The Dragon strangles The Drakeling's throat!
//Ugh... the blood in my body pumps overpressured for a second, and my vision twists. My arms feel like lead -- but I can't drop them!
The Drakeling struggles in vain against the grip of The Dragon's right claw on The Drakeling's throat!

GSD: As our little ones go astray, it falls to the older --
The Dragon strangles The Drakeling's throat!
//Wooooooo... I start seeing stars...
GSD: And wiser--
The Dragon strangles The Drakeling's throat!
GSD: To correct them and instruct them. Consider me a lesson, traitor, one you'll never forget.

The Dragon grabs The Drakeling by the waist with her left upper leg!
The Dragon grabs The Drakeling by the waist with her right upper leg!
The Dragon prepares to assault The Drakeling!

//I've got to get out of this, but she's just too strong -- her one arm is more powerful than both of mine!
\\Do something, fast -- if you black out there's no telling if you wake up imprisoned, or enslaved to this crazy bitch, or even not at all. What do you do when the situation's desperate?
//MOSTLY GET SOMEONE ELSE TO BAIL YOUR ASS OUT?
//T: You mean, besides pathetic? That was barely adequate for even a schoolyard fight. Claw out her eyes next time; little tip from the playground.
//Well, I guess if it's my only option...

The Drakeling claws at The Dragon in the left eye with his right hand, but the attack is deflected by The Dragon's scales!

GSD: Come on. There can't be enough blood in you for everything. Pass out already.

The Dragon strangles The Drakeling's throat!

//The world loses color. Light starts to fade.
\\So, what is it that you do in your last moments of agency? What's the most important thing, now that you're going to die?
//STAYING AN ASSHOLE.

The Drakeling grabs The Dragon by the right wing's wound with his left hand! The Drakeling tears The Dragon's right wing's wound with his left hand!
//A piercing shriek comes out of Galsid as her wing is torn straight down and apart, blood gushing out onto the ground. For a moment, the pain causes her to let up on the chokehold, and I gulp down air.

//WHAT AN ASSHOLE.
The Drakeling punches The Dragon in the head with his left hand, bruising the muscle and bruising the skull!
The Dragon releases the grip of The Dragon's left upper leg on The Drakeling's waist. The Dragon releases the grip of The Dragon's right upper leg on The Drakeling's waist. The Dragon releases the grip of The Dragon's right claw on The Drakeling's throat.
//She falls off me to the right.

The Drakeling stands up.
//Sweet Celestia, that's a lot of blood. I always thought 'gushing' was an exaggeration.
//Galsid, looking a little more pale, croaks:
GSD: I guess you... really were an Inquisitor...
//Is she still talking about the ankh?
Spike: Wh-- Galsid, no!
GSD: Just my luck...
//She tries to stand up.
Spike: Galsid, you're hurt! You're going to die unless you get medical attention! That is _way_ too much blood to lose!

The Dragon stands up.

GSD: I won't let you capture me alive.
Spike: Galsid--
The Dragon bites at The Drakeling in the right lower arm, but the Drakeling dodges away!
The Drakeling strikes The Dragon in the left upper leg with his Dashing Rogue Punch, bruising the muscle and shattering the bone!
The Dragon falls over.

//I stand in the same spot, huffing a little. My shoulder still hurts where she bit it.
//Galsid lies on her back, with a torn wing and broken femur. She can't do anything now but die.

Galsid was defeated!
Spike earned 7500 experience points!
Spike is now level 21!
//Crazy grey bint...

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//Over the stream rushing by us, and Galsid's groans of pain, I shout:
Spike: Are you happy?! Is this what you wanted?! To die for what you believe?!
//Galsid's head turns up slowly. She has a morbid grin on her face.
Spike: You can't do this sort of crap, in any good world. You can't go around trying to kill people -- or worse -- because of what you believe, what you just _think_ is true!
//She doesn't respond. Her wing is still bleeding. She's really going to die here.
Spike: I'm trying to create a world where ponies and dragons are equals. I don't care if you think that's true or not, and it doesn't matter if you do. Because it is true.
GSD: Ponies and dragons will never be equals. They're too different.
//Her voice is more of a hiss than a whisper.
Spike: Shut up. You're dying. Save your strength.
GSD: Any society with both of them will favor one over the other, because dragons and ponies aren't the same thing. Their powers are too different. Imagine being a pony, and living in fear, having to wonder every day if this is the day some dragon with a meat-tooth decides you look like a tasty snack. Or being a drakeling in mixed society, having to wonder which day some jealous pony will decide you look weak enough to overpower and enslave. Imagine having to live each day knowing how easily it could be your last at the hands of someone else, and you can do nothing about it -- how can anybody live like that?!
Spike: They already do!! People can die any day -- dragon or pony doesn't change the fact there are murders and accidents!
//Galsid snorts, and lowers her head to the side. It looks like she's done talking.
T: (Well, you just swore you wanted to make a better world without killing anybody, and the first fight you had after that you killed somebody. Unless you have any smart ideas.)
//Oh, damn, she's right. Uh...
//SEE? ISN'T IT EASIER WHEN YOU JUST SLAUGHTER EVERYONE?
//Quine: There is another reason you should keep the ankh, little one. It is a communications device.
//Spike: What? Really?!
//Quine: Yes. There's a button on it. You didn't see that?
//Spike: Uh, no. Wow. Guess I didn't inspect it that closely.
//Quine: It's after the inscription. They usually omitted words to make it fit anyway.
//Spike: So who is this gonna call?
//T: (Ghostbusters?)
//Quine: ...Inquisitors would use it to relay information with one another. Speaking into it can be heard by anyone in a thousand-mile radius with another ankh. Take care the information you relay is not too sensitive.
//I take off the ankh and hold it in my hand. Even if Applejack or her troops have one, it's better for Galsid than dying...
Spike: Quine, this is Spike. Can you hear me?
//From the ankh comes a muffled:
Ankh(Quine): Yes.
Spike: There's a dragon on the slope of Mount Triponi, the southeast side, lying by a stream. There's a large tear in her wing and her leg's broken. She needs medical attention immediately. Are there any dragons in the area?
Ankh(Quine): I'll do what I can. Thank you.
//I put the ankh back around my neck, and talk to Galsid.
Spike: Well, you're in the hands or hooves of someone else now. They'll decide whether you can be saved or not. Your life is no longer my problem.
//I've done all for her I could.
//She spits:
GSD: Disgrace. That's what you've subjected me to. I'm no longer meaningful in my own death.
Spike: For what it's worth... I, uh, hope you live. Really.
T: (Inspirational.)
//I continue down the mountain.

//Detrot approaches steadily as I wind my way down the mountain, following the stream as it grows larger and stronger. Tall walls of brown stone, with iron spears jutting up and out at odd angles, surround the city. Not one building is made from wood. The dirt road leading in, and the pegasi in the watchtowers and patrolling the walls, look worn.
Pony Guard: Halt!
Spike: Woah, sorry.
//I take a step back from the pony in my face. The scenery drew me in.
Spike: This place looks more like a prison than a city.
//The guard hesitates, narrowing his eyes at me.
\\Crap, did you say what you meant to think and think what you meant to say?
PG: We're going to have to ask you some questions.
Spike: Sure, I have nothing to hide.
//EXCEPT YOUR QUEST TO OVERTHROW THE FUCKING THRONE, AND YOUR RAVENOUS DESIRE FOR PONYCUNT--
PG: What is your name?
Spike: Bartholemew Coinhoarder.
PG: What is your reason for visiting Detrot?
Spike: Religious pilgrimage. I worship money, and since I hear you have it here I want to take it through a complex series of immoral but technically legal fraudulent investment schemes and tax loopholes.
PG: If a pegasus leaves Forlegsandria traveling northwest at six parsecs per fortnight, assuming no air friction and minimal escape velocity, what is the bus driver's name?
//...What?
Spike: Could you... could I get a repeat of that? Didn't quite catch it the first time.
PG: We _said_, how long do you plan on being in Detrot?
//...Is that what he said?
Spike: About two weeks at most. Just passing through.
PG: Are you bringing any fruit with you into the city?
Spike: Am I... fruit?
PG: Yes, fruit. Like orthoclase, or anhydrite.
//...Those are rocks.
Spike: Er, I'm sorry, but is there a different person I could talk to--
PG: We are not a _person_, we are _people_, plural, and I ask that you respect our right to self-expression by using the appropriate pronouns!
Spike: ...
//Is this guy going to be okay?
Spike: Um, sir, I'd--
Plural Guy: _Sirs_.
Spike: _Sirs_, right; I'd like to ask the two of you--
Plural Guy: Twelve of us--
Spike: If there is absolutely anyone else in the world I could talk to other than you lot.
PG: Well, sure.
//Oh. Good.
PG: You can always talk with yourselves! We do it all the time.
Spike: That's not what I meant!
PG: Well, why don't you ask the alien in your head?
Spike: I just want to get in the city!
//Another pony in guard armor comes out from the gatehouse, quickly pulling the guardstallion to the side. She says a few quick words to him, and then turns to me.
New Guard: Sorry about that; he's new.
Spike: I don't think that's the problem.
//The mare pauses for half a second, then says:
New Guard: He has--
//From further away the guardstallion yells:
PG: They have!
NG: Been having identity issues.
PG: Prejudiced, insulting language. Identity refers to one, because _you_ don't _want_ a world where people are allowed to be how they feel inside--
NG: Listen, if you promise not to cause any trouble, go on in. I have enough in my hooves.
Spike: It certainly looks like you do. I promise.
NG: You're free to enter the city.
//As I walk past them, the two (thirteen?) guards start a verbal argument about whether the first (first twelve, or just first?) should request higher salary for being multiple workers.
//...Best of luck to both of them.
Spike: (What was with that guy?)
T: (Some people are weird.)
Spike: (I thought he was making fun of gender identity issues at first, but... he seemed more like a crazy person.)
T: (Undiagnosed mental disorders will do that. Now continue on your quest given to you by a literal god you see in your dreams.)
Spike: (Will do.)

Spike: (What is this.)
T: (It's a rock garden.)
Spike: (Please tell me they're not so dense they're trying to grow rocks.)
//Why the hell would anyone make a rock garden?
T: (No, it's -- 'rock garden' is a loose translation; it's an outdoor structure where rocks of different sizes are arranged to evoke beauty. Usually it's used for silent meditation.)
Spike: (What, sitting on the rocks?)
T: (There are mats under the torii. Which there really shouldn't be; it's an archway not a roof--)
Spike: (So we're in a knockoff rock garden?)
T: (Is... are you trying to make a pun?)
Spike: (I had hoped these ponies were the real deal.)
T: (They are. But their Eastern sensibilities aren't.)
//I feel Twilight's presence leave, and I'm left alone.
//After meeting with the (very nice) greeter (in a veil), I was directed to the rock garden. Apparently the mare who does induction into Celestia's Faceless is out to lunch. I didn't have anything to do anyway.
Spike: (It's kind of nice, though.)
Relaxing Mare: Did you say something?
//Woah! Someone's here?!
Spike: Uh, sorry; didn't realize anyone was here.
//...Wait. Where did that voice come from? I look around.
//Small rocks, big boulder rocks, archway thing, raised bed of rocks... this is certainly the most beautiful place in Detrot (not saying much) but it certainly doesn't have a pony in it...
Spike: ...Where are you?

The Relaxing Mare emerges from the bed of rocks!
The Drakeling leaps backwards, away from the Relaxing Mare!

//Rocks roll off her and spill over the sides of the raised bed. Why would you bury yourself like that?
Spike: ...What are you doing?
RM: Rockbathing.
Spike: Rockbathing.
RM: Yeah, it helps keep your skin tough and thick.
//She brushes dust out of her blue coat, eventually giving up and stepping down. There's still rocks stuck in her straight yellow hair.
Spike: ...You know, I'm not going to ask. Hello, miss, well met.
RM: Hi! My name is Rinsesu Megimi. What's yours?
Spike: Spike.
//I feel like I say that a lot.
Spike: Are you the inductor?
RM: Nope! I'm waiting here for her.
//Rinsesu sits down on the rock bed. I take a seat next to her.
RM: Any idea how long it'll be?
Spike: No idea. How long have you been here for?
//The earth pony puts a hoof to her chin.
RM: ...I dunno! I think I fell asleep.
//Under rocks? Isn't that dangerous?
RM: Are you looking to join Celestia's Faceless?
Spike: Yeah, I want to. I've always honored Celestia and I'm hoping working with the Faceless will help me bring her glory to more people.
//IS THAT HOW YOU PRONOUNCE 'REGICIDE'?
RM: That's good! I wish you the best of luck. Celestia hasn't ever been my thing, really, but I'm glad you like her.
//...Hasn't been 'her thing'? And she's trying to join an order dedicated to Celestia?
Spike: So why are you waiting for the inductor?
RM: Well... I do want to join the Faceless.
Spike: Yeah, that much I assumed, but why?
RM: If Celestia's Faceless are willing to take me on, and I train hard for them, one day I'll become an Inquisitor.
//They still have those?
RM: That's the only way for me to be strong enough.
//Rinsesu trails off and starts looking at the sky.
Spike: For what?
RM: I have to be strong for the one I love.
Spike: Oh. Is your love in danger?
RM: No, it's... I have to prove myself to my love. It's complicated.
Spike: Look around.
//Rinsesu cocks her head curiously, and glances around the rock garden. There's still no one else here.
Spike: Does it look like I have something else to do?
//Rinsesu Megimi chuckles, takes a deep breath, and starts her story.
RM: I'll never forget... it happened one and a half years ago...

//RM: S...stop!
//Small Colt: Why? Sis, what's up?
//RM: I don't know, but it's something big!
//SC: Waaah, is that its shadow?! Help!
//RM: Get behind that dune! Maybe it won't see u--
//A dragon the size of a small cottage lands on the desert sands, roaring triumphantly. The small colt falls backwards, into his sister.
//RM: D--Don't come any closer!
//SC: Waaaah, his teeth are so big!!
//Blue Dragon: Hehe... I'm going to have some fun with you two. I haven't eaten pony in quite a long time.
//SC: Waaaaaaah, not a dragon!
//BD: Shut up, whelp! Do you want to be eaten first? Or should I make you watch this one die?
//RM: Som...Someone! Help!
//There is a line in the sky where color is blueshifted, ripping over the sands at a frightening velocity. The line fades as a pegasus appears by the dragon's head.
//Rainbow Dash: Hey you! What are you doing to the defenseless? If you have time to mess with them, you should be training with someone on your own level!
//BD: And who would you be? Some kind of ally of justice?
//Rainbow Dash: I'm Rainbow Dash, punk! Don't forget it!
//BD: This 'punk' controls the entire territory now. The rumors I've heard are true, Celestia is dead. I have laid claim here! For your impudence I shall make you my meal.
//Rainbow Dash: Hah! You think I'll roll over and die like them? Time for me to teach you a little lesson about power!
//In a blur of motion, the dragon slumps forward and slams his head into the ground! His tongue sputters in the dirt!
//Rainbow Dash: Hmph. Only skilled at running your mouth. Know your betters next time. Not that there'll be a next time.
//RM: Umm... Thank you!
//RBD: Uh... right.
//SC: You saved us! She saved us!
//RBD: ...Don't misunderstand, this wasn't for you. Dragons are claiming territory all over the region and I need to show them what's what before they get entrenched.
//RM: What he said is true?! Celestia is dead?
//RBD: Hell if I know.
//RM: Oh, 'swings, who will save us now?!
//RBD: ...That's what I never understand about you people.
//SC: Us what?
//RBD: You. The weak. You keep on thinking the world is something that happens to you, wait for the next thing to fix the previous thing. You depend on others and accept what you're given instead of driving it.
//RM: I'm a pastry chef! Quit lecturing me!
//RBD: Then at least learn from this and stop walking alone in the desert! If you're not going to use your head, you may as well be an animal. You got that?!
//RM: Y...yes. I understand. C-could you tell me your name?
//RBD: ...Rainbow Dash, holder of the Element of Loyalty. Let's see if Celestia's name still means something to these beasts...
//Rainbow Dash flies off.
//RM: ...What a strange mare. And yet...
//SC: Sis?
//RM: ...Am I really feeling this way? I think I'm--

Spike: Okay, stop.
//Rinsesu, hooves over her heart, stops recounting the story. It was surprisingly cliche.
Spike: This is crap.
RM: Excuse me?!
Spike: If someone wrote your story I'd throw it in the trash.
RM: Wh-- ...I'm not the best storyteller, but that's very rude.
Spike: Let me guess how it ends: you fall in love with Rainbow Dash and you spend all your time since then training so you can impress her with your skills. Am I right?
RM: ...I've been researching her. She runs a dojo in the Greater Gloucester region; only the best of fighters can even visit.
Spike: And she has no idea you're doing this, of course.
RM: We haven't met since then. I swore I would never rest until I was suitable to be in her presence...
Spike: You're an idiot.
RM: Hey!!
T: (Tact. Subtlety. Not just words with two 't's in them.)
Spike: You fell in love with someone you met once, who berated you -- and then decided 'these feelings are totally legitimate, let's act on them'!
RM: Love knows no reason!
Spike: The synonymy of protection and romance is barbarian.
RM: I can't change the way I feel!
Spike: But you can choose what you do. Chasing after a fleeting feeling for a year and a half in desperation -- as if love could be bought with muscles, like some sort of primitive savage! Rewarding violence with romance is one of the things that gets us into situations like the Aquinatics in the first place!
//It made dragons who they are today, because dragons who thought like that were the ones rewarded with progeny!
RM: Quit talking!
Spike: You were perfectly willing to listen to Rainbow Dash telling you when you were ignorant, what's changed now?
RM: She's -- she's a wonderful mare! You're just a stupid little dragon boy!
Spike: Oh, great, now I have to deal with _this_.
RM: I'll teach you a lesson!
Rinsesu Megimi attacks!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

Rinsesu Megimi kicks at The Drakeling in the lower body, but The Drakeling dodges away!

Spike: Wh-- hey!!

The Drakeling leaps backwards, away from Rinsesu Megimi!

The Drakeling breathes in and focuses, casting Terrae Corpus! The Drakeling's scales become as hard as rock!

Spike: 'Swings, Rinsesu, there are other ways to have a disagreement!

Rinsesu Megimi charges at The Drakeling!
Rinsesu Megimi bites The Drakeling in the left upper arm, denting the scale!
Rinsesu Megimi latches on firmly!
Rinsesu Megimi collides with The Drakeling! Rinsesu Megimi bounces backwards!

T: (Remember when I talked to you about insulting Marquise Tourniquette? This is why.)
Spike: Violence is not a response to any discussion!
T: (You called her a primitive savage.)
Spike: (She's acting like it!)

The Drakeling breaks the grip of Rinsesu Megimi's upper front teeth on The Drakeling's left upper arm.

Spike: Instead of using words when you're offended, your response is hitting people?! What are you, an animal?!

//Rinsesu Megimi stops. She glowers at me.

RM: You insulted my honor.
Spike: Oh, by Celestia, what horrors a pony is subjected to.
RM: Stop mocking me!
Spike: Sometimes, others won't think the way you do. Trying to kill them for it isn't right!
RM: Honor is what separates a warrior from a thug, and beast from pony--
Spike: Honor is dangerous and foolish and results in people getting hurt for no damned good reason. Talk to me, Rinsesu. Put down your hooves.
RM: ...

Rinsesu Megimi was defeated!
Spike earned 1000 experience points!
Spike is now level 22!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

T: (Wow, that actually worked. Good for you.)
Spike: Why did you attack me?
RM: ...You insulted my honor. I demand an apology.
//You can demand whatever you damn well please, you crazy infatuated bint--
Spike: I could have phrased what I said better, and for not doing that I apologize. But I still have some major concerns about your quest.
RM: You, your name was Spike, right? If you want to return Celestia to Equestria, I suppose you're a Hero, right?
Spike: Yes. I want to be a Hero.
RM: Rainbow Dash trains with ponies whose tails are more powerful than you or I could ever be. And she says--
Spike: Who cares what she says?
T: (Honestly, people don't glorify Dash for her mental prowess.)
RM: _She says_ that any normal person can do two of helping others, living to fight another day, and advancing their cause. A Hero is she who is able to do all three, but there comes a day where the Hero returns to normality. On that day, only your honor will lead you in the right direction.
Spike: It sounds like Rainbow Dash likes dead Heroes better than live ones.
RM: Better dead Heroes than live tyrants. If you don't have the strength honor gives you, you'll end up hurting others for your own ends.
Spike: There is such a thing as thinking like a _reasonable, civilized being_. We could, I don't know, try that instead?
//Rinsesu Megimi sits down. I suppose she's done talking.
//Nothing to do but wait for the inductor in silence, then. With a pony who will most likely never talk to me ever again. Sigh...

//I'm kind of glad for the silence, actually. There's time to think now...
//I think about the dragon guard back in Hole Five. I wonder if he's still alive, or if in the past month he'd got himself killed. If that's true, I wonder if he thought at the end, when he was dying, that it was worth it.
Spike: Mmm...
//Is that really how dragons think? That there's no chance for compromise, and it's better to die than to give something up? It sounds a lot like Rainbow Dash's mentality... and I don't want to think in any way like that.
Spike: Mmm...
//Both Quine and the guard said it was the dragon way to fight for land. But Jebed, and the rest of the Forlegsandrian dragon district, aren't violent about it. They're integrated into pony society, dividing land with others in a capitalist system, instead of warring in a feudalistic one. And yeah, they're struggling, but they're showing that it is possible...
Spike: Mmm...
//Still, Jebed did say that those in the Aquinatics were 'true dragon's dragons'... if that is what a dragon is expected to be, by both dragons themselves and ponies, any progress will be hard to get...
Spike: Mmm...
//I don't think 'dragon' is who I am, or who I was, if 'dragon' means like the people I met in the Aquinatics. That part of me is just how I'm shaped. I'm something more than just what I look like.
\\And what would that be?
Spike: Mmm...
//...Maybe it's not a coincidence I'm joining a group dedicated to Celestia. I have been listening to her ever since I started my journey. Celestia's wisdom and power is undeniable. Maybe I should be trying to champion her, instead of the advancement of dragons. I can still work towards equality, but it'll come through respect for Celestia, instead of just increasing dragonkind's power.
Spike: Mmm... huh.
//Meditating must have helped me figure something out. I think I can see what Quine was trying to teach me now.
[Patatrin-Vikramana] was mastered!
\\Didn't Quine say Celestia was hostile to dragons?
//She herself said differently. Besides, I'm not counting myself as a dragon anymore. I'm a Hero in the name of Celestia!
Spike: Mmm...
RM: Shut up you idiot!
//Hey, I guess she did talk to me again!

//Spike: Quine?
//Quine: Yes?
//Spike: Have you ever heard of someone named 'Twilight Sparkle'?
//Quine thinks for some time. Smoke rolls out of his nostrils, up into the gloom.
//Quine: I have heard many names and many titles in my long years of life, little Spike. It is possible that may have been one of them. But it does not evoke memories of anyone important.
Inductor: Em, excuse me? Are you Spike?
//Spike: Anyone important? What about 'anyone at all'?
//Quine thinks again, for some time.
//Quine: Once, I did hear that name. Something about a coronation, and a Princess. Nothing more.
//Damn, that's just what Rarity said. But the instinct told me not to talk about that, ever...
//Spike: Are you sure? I heard she was the personal student of Princess Celestia.
//Quine: Celestia has held many betwixt her legs over the years, both front and back. That alone does not make a person special.
//T: (This again. I hate this joke.)
//Spike: Wait, you mean--
Inductor: Em, excuse me? Spike?
//The inductor shakes me by the arm, and I wake up from my daydream, groaning.
Spike: Mmmmm... yeah, wha-aaauoof--
//I fall off the raised bed of rocks, facefirst into the ground. Gaah, this is the worst way to wake up...
//The inductor hops back, eyes wide.
ID: Ohmyskies, I'm so sorry! Are you hurt? Please don't be hurt...
//I spit a rock out of my mouth and say:
Spike: Ptoo -- I'm fine, I just fell. Lemme stand up.
//I stand up.
//The inductor, a unicorn with a golden coat and silver hair, has a veil in front of her face, completely obscuring her identity. She also carries a satchel.
Spike: Are you the inductor?
ID: Yes, I am the Inductor of the Detrot Extension of the Celestian Order of the City on the Hill. Which is too long, so we call ourselves Celestia's Faceless.
Spike: It would be hard to fit the first one on a business card.
ID: We have pamphlets. Much easier.
//I suppose it would be.
Spike: Anyway, I'd like to ask you a few questions about the Faceless, because I'd really like to know more about them.
//'SO I CAN COMPLETELY CHANGE YOUR HIPPIE COMMUNE INTO A BLOODLUST-DRIVEN CULT OF PERSONALITY CENTERED AROUND ME'. ALTHOUGH WHETHER YOU'LL HAVE MORE OR LESS MANDATORY FUCKING THAN OTHER CULTS IS A FUCKING MYSTERY TO EVERYONE.
ID: I'd certainly think so; a drakeling doesn't make his way into Detrot for a vacation.
Spike: You know, I actually had an easier time getting to the city than you'd think.
//Although that new tactics Quine taught me really did help with that... not to mention the full month of training.
ID: Is that so? Did you travel with anyone?
//...Here, she'll eat this up.
Spike: I traveled by myself, but I never did feel alone... I always felt like someone was guiding my footsteps. Someone who wanted me to be here.
//OOH, OOH, WAS IT ME? BECAUSE IT CERTAINLY WASN'T FUCKING ME, KILL THIS SHITTY EXCUSE FOR A NUN AND KEEP MOVING--
ID: We are in agreement, then. What would you like to know about the Faceless?

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

>>Who just exactly are the Faceless?
>>Why are you faceless?
>>Why am I hearing more than one voice in my head?
>>Who is Celestia?
>>What does the Faceless believe about dragon and pony interactions?
>>Do you have any grossulars?

\\Damn it, I always hated these question selection things in video games because I'd always choose the same one and waste time going through it again. That, and who cares about exposition? Let's get to the plot, seriously. The last one has to be a joke, so... uh, let's do...
Spike: Who just exactly are the Faceless?
ID: We are a religious order dedicated to the worship of Celestia. Herr Yyz established our order in Canterlot shortly before the disappearance, and since then ponies who share our piety have established extensions in Detrot, Gloucester, Forlegsandria, and Port Fuscus. (Although the Port Fuscus branch has some interesting ideas about Princess Luna that not many of us share.)
//Princess Luna? Who's that?
ID: We believe that true peace, between peoples and within, can only come by accepting Celestia's love and dedicating ourselves to following her example.
T: (Tack 'true' on anything and you get to redefine it, it seems. Celestia wasn't a pacifist.)
ID: The example she set for us is one of kindliness, charity, hard work and humility. These are the attributes we seek for ourselves. What else would you like to know?

>>Why are you faceless?
>>Why am I hearing more than one voice in my head?
>>Who is Celestia?
>>Who is Princess Luna?
>>What does the Faceless believe about dragon and pony interactions?
>>Do you have any grossulars?

\\That last question is really still there? Well, I have to pick again, and -- crap, one more appeared! I don't really care who Princess Luna is! Just get me to the next section!
Spike: Why are you faceless?
ID: Herr Yyz took on her mask as a mark of shame. The mask she wears was once was a tool of debauchery, vice, and ignorance to the greater world in pursuit of hedonism. One day, she received a revelation from Celestia, who told Herr to don her mask and walk out in the daylight. Herr did so, to her great shame, and others looked upon her in disgust. Celestia instructed Herr to keep the mask but throw away the person behind it, and so the first of Celestia's Faceless was born.
Spike: Why were they disgusted?
ID: The mask represents a part of society most would rather ignore. It is a reminder Equestria is not perfect, and such things are troublesome to the ignorant.
T: (One, calling sexual deviance 'imperfect' is repressive; two, it's a leather zipper-mask with stains on it. Yyz wears it because she's a freak, not some visionary.)
ID: We wear our veils in reverence of Herr Yyz, in reverence of the dead, and as a surrender of identity. Once we no longer consider ourselves, then kindliness, charity, and hard work have no cost, and humility has no alternatives.
Spike: In reverence of the dead?
ID: The Faceless are traditionally gravediggers. Those who are dead have given everything they could to others, so they are respected. And true humility involves realizing no pony in the world can avoid death but Celestia.
Spike: Except, you know, those of us who assault dragons.
//The inductor looks uneasy. She paws at the rocks.
ID: ...Gregor Ponydel's Three-Stage Theory is not yet verified by scientists. What else would you like to know?
T: (_Yes_, yes it _is_, that's why it's called a theory. Sometimes when I hear these crazy ponies talk I see where Rarity is coming from.)

>>Why am I hearing more than one voice in my head?
>>Who is Celestia?
>>Who is Princess Luna?
>>What does the Faceless believe about dragon and pony interactions?
>>Do you have any grossulars?

\\Damnit does it even matter click something.
Spike: What does the Faceless believe about dragon and pony interactions?
//The inductor opens her mouth for a second, and then closes it. Somewhere beyond the rock garden, a door closes.
ID: Em... meaning?
Spike: Well, I was talking about living side-by-side sort of stuff, but sex and romance aren't excluded from that, so... whatever you want to talk about, I guess.
//If dragons and ponies are going to live together, some of them will end up romantically together of their own accord... that will create a lot of problems on its own, but it's better than ponies trying to assault drakelings left and right...
ID: Er... source documents from Herr Yyz use the word 'pony' to refer to a civilized being, but that doesn't mean what she says couldn't apply to all people. Celestia's power and love transcends things like what shape we are.
Spike: Glad to hear it.
ID: What else would you like to know?

>>Why am I hearing more than one voice in my head?
>>Who is Celestia?
>>Who is Princess Luna?
>>Do you have any grossulars?

//Why do I have to go back to this menu I just want to hold the spacebar and fly past this crap!
Spike: Who is Princess Luna?
ID: Em, one of the ex-Princesses. You know, the pony sisters who ruled Equestria?
Spike: Sisters? I've only heard people talk about Princess Celestia ruling the land.
ID: Luna appeared about five years ago, and Celestia made her a co-ruler of the throne. She didn't do too much, though. Celestia was the older sister and Luna was a bit of a night owl. When she was even seen. She disappeared at the same time as Celestia.
T: (There's a lot more to Luna than anyone knows.)
Spike: (Okay, Miss Terious.)
Spike: Where did Luna come from?
ID: Hmm?
Spike: If she just appeared five years ago, where did Princess Luna come from? She can't have just spawned... I don't know, out of someone's forehead.
ID: That's a point of contention for the Fuscus branch. They claim that a creature defeated by Celestia over one thousand years ago, called Nightmare Moon, was actually Princess Luna in a possessed state. For any pony to survive one thousand years, the claim is that they would have to be a deity like Celestia. And raising Luna to the throne certainly seems like an odd decision, if Princess Luna were only a mortal like you and me.
//I feel like Twilight wants to say something, but isn't.
ID: But Princess Celestia did very many odd things near the end of her rule. Who knows what she could have been thinking?
T: (The mare who has access to her personal library?)
ID: What else would you like to know?

>>Why am I hearing more than one voice in my head?
>>Who is Celestia?
>>Do you have any grossulars?

\\AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Spike: Who is Celestia?
ID: The goddess who created the world.
Spike: Well, yeah, I got that--
ID: The Faceless believe that statement is literal. The sphere we stand on would not exist without Celestia's intervention before any of ponykind or dragonkind existed. And she is a goddess. Not just 'powerful', or 'righteous', or 'wise'. Celestia is _the_ goddess. Nothing else will do. The Faceless believe Princess Celestia, 'Princess' meaning the pony visible on this planet until recently, is an avatar of Celestia. The two are not significantly different. Calling Celestia and Princess Celestia different people is like calling heads and tails different coins, so we use their names interchangeably.
Spike: I think I have another question, then.

>>Why am I hearing more than one voice in my head?
>>Do you have any grossulars?

\\Good, I don't have to take the reins here wait crap again?!?! Fuck!!
Spike: Why am I hearing more than one voice in my head?
//Is this really the question I'm asking?
//The inductor pauses and lowers her head.
ID: Em... come again?
Spike: Everyone has an internal monologue, right? A train of thoughts going through their head in their own voice?
ID: Well, mine's in the voice of Princess Luna, but yes. You're hearing other voices?
Spike: Yeah. Well, one's the dragon instinct, a dragon thing; wouldn't expect you to know about it, but there are more than just that.
ID: Does one of them sound like your conscience?
//...I suppose Celestia would count as that, if I had to choose...
Spike: I guess so.
ID: Then listen to that, above all others. If it has led you here, it will lead you true. Although I really would get that checked out...
Spike: I also had amnesia at one point. Would that change anything?
ID: Em, how did you get amnesia?
Spike: I hit my head.
//The inductor raises her head and looks at me oddly.
ID: ...Have you seen a doctor?
//...I should really do that at some point.
Spike: ...Don't worry, it was a long time ago.
//Technically true.
ID: ...Okay. Was there anything else?

>>Do you have any grossulars?

\\This was really the one what the crap I wasted so much time--
Spike: Unless you have any grossulars, no; I think that's all. I'm ready to join the Faceless.
//She laughs.
ID: Well, I don't have any gems, but I do have this.
//Out of the satchel comes a silver, red, and purple cape, sized for a drakeling.
T: (Wow! I wasn't expecting that.)
Spike: Why do you have a clown's outfit?
ID: It's not--
Spike: If I also get the large squeaky shoes you have no idea how happy I will be.
ID: Most ponies get a veil when they join, see. Em, all ponies. But you're not a pony.
Spike: I've noticed that, actually.
T: (She's giving you _this_ and you're being rude?)
ID: Spike, you're a drakeling. And, considering the demographics of the Faceless and most of Equestria right now... a scarred purple drakeling with a black veil is not disguised. Dissolution of identity is one of our central tenets, and it must be achieved by stronger means.
Spike: (Is the cape filled with acid?)
ID: This is a magical cape which will turn you into a blur, like a smudge on the landscape. It also has a few more magical properties (which I don't claim to understand) which mean people don't realize that this happens, and will just treat you as whatever person they expected to be in your place.
Spike: Oh, right! My friend has one of these!
ID: ...It seems I will never cease to learn odd things about you, Spike.
T: (For what it's worth, I'm glad you consider me your friend.)
Spike: (What? No, Quine has one in his hoard.)
T: (...Really?)
Spike: (Messing. Best friends for life?)
T: (Aww, Spike! Of course!)
ID: But it's not up for me to judge. Herr Yyz meets with every person who joins Celestia's Faceless and she wants to meet with you.
Spike: What? She does?
ID: Yes. You'll be meeting in Canterlot in two hours.
//...No, no we won't.
Spike: Er, I'm not exactly sure if you're considering how far away Canterlot is...
ID: Nonsense. Canterlot has a teleportation beacon and I have the power to get you there.
Spike: Wow, you're really willing to do that for me?
//The inductor nods.
Spike: I don't really know what to say, thanks...
ID: You don't need to. Put on the cape, though. Canterlot is home to quite a lot of ponies, and some of them have very odd tastes.
Spike: Wha--
//Liking dragons is an 'odd taste'?
\\Trying to assault and abduct them is.
Spike: ...

The Drakeling puts on the displacement cape, blurring into a vague smudge of purple!

ID: ...Okay then. You're ready to meet Herr Yyz and enter the ranks of Celestia's Faceless officially.
Spike: Let's get going, then.
ID: In exactly ten seconds, I need you both to say, 'I am a moth to the City on the Hill'. I'll be spellcasting, so it will help me locate you. Do you understand?
Spike: Both, what--
T: I understand.
ID: Good! Start counting!

The Inductor closes her eyes and focuses, casting a spell!

Spike: (What are you doing?)
T: (Getting a free ride to Canterlot. Besides, she doesn't know who either of us are now. Just that we're supposed to be initiates.)
Spike: (You could teleport yourself!)
T: (I'm running kind of low on spell energy; this week's been a little rough.)
Spike: (Earlier you said you spent most of it eating cheese.)
T: (Protein helps accelerate magical rejuvenation. Besides, I'm meeting a good friend and I don't want to look stressed.)
Spike: (Won't she understand?)
T: (This girl makes me stressed enough.)
Spike: I am a moth to the City on the Hill!
T: I am a moth to the City on the Hill!

The Inductor speaks a word of power, forming symbols in the air! The Drakeling disappears! Twilight Sparkle disappears!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//I hit the ground, feet bouncing off the stone as I fall backwards. I'm in the middle of a glowing red circle, person-sized, in a dark brown room.
Announcement: PLEASE VACATE THE AREA SO OTHERS CAN TELEPORT IN. MOVE TOWARDS THE EXIT, THANK YOU.
//At the end of this small room, on open door leads to a hallway lit by candlelight. I step out, and a big unicorn with a briefcase immediately runs me over.
Businessicorn: Excuse me!
Spike: Woah!
//He squeezes by and continues down the hallway, towards the exit, outside daylight. I guess that's where I'm supposed to go?
Spike: People are so rude these days...
//IN DAYS PAST THEY WERE MUCH NICER TO DRAGONS. BECAUSE IF YOU WEREN'T YOUR FUCKING HEAD GOT TORN OFF AND WE PISSED DOWN YOUR NECK.
//I walk out into the light.
//People explode into view, from every angle.
Hurried Zebra: I must hasten now, oh dear/Or I will miss tea, I fear!
Visiting Stallion: You know, I'm happy we chose Canterlot. I heard Mountainville has a lot of dragons, and I get spooked easy.
Yellow Pegasus: But he hasn't talked to me in so long! I'm worried about him, I really am.
Loud Businessmare: Did you see the interview Princess Hazel did with the Equestrian Times? Wearing that dress?
Green Pegasus: Thankfully winds kept most of the ashes within the Valley of Death, or the fires could have spread further than they did.
//I'm in the dead middle of a courtyard, all of the sudden, having stepped out of a door that is no longer behind me. Canterlot Castle looms up the mountain. Everything here is made of marble and gold. What is this place?
Suited Pegasus: It would have been nice to still have some of Celestia's weather control.
Visiting Mare: (Darn, I really wanted to see if I could hook up with a dragon...)
Businessicorn: For a filly her age? A dress like that is extremely conservative, if not downright prudish!
Pink Pony: If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you have to trust your friends! He'll come around!
Yellow Pegasus: Ooooh, I hope so...
//Off in the distance, I see a pony with a veil holding a sign that says, 'Spike'. I start working my way towards her.
Yupponie: Where can I get a hay smoothie in this urban jungle?
Tall Zebra: Please forgive my forwardness, I must ask of you/My hotel room holds one, I hope you'd make it two?
Green Pegasus: Hah, yeah, see you Friday! Clear skies!
Pink Pony: Besides, who knows what kind of crazy thoughts somebody like him could have?
Loud Businessmare: Frankly, wearing a dress at all is too risque for a Princess! What happened to modesty through naturality? The body is nonsexual in nature!
//I reach the mare holding up the 'Spike' sign and ask:
Spike: What is it?
Visiting Stallion: And besides, Mountainville doesn't have an opera! I can't wait for tonight!
Visiting Mare: (At least I'll get to bang a singer...)
Veiled Mare with Sign: Sorry, I'm waiting for someone! I can't talk now!
Yellow Pegasus: But I'm worried, I'm worried, that someday I'm going to pick up the paper and see that headline, and I just--
Schoolteacher: Alright, kids! We've made it! Headcount! One, two, three, four...
Suited Pegasus: Clear skies! Say hi to your family for me! And tell me next time your cousin's making goulash!
//I can't hear myself think in this racket! Maybe I have to use that technique Quine taught me...
//Quine: I will teach you a technique, Spike, that you may find very useful to center yourself.
//Spike: Meditation? I already have Terrae Corpus, I'm not sure what else I can add...
//Quine: This is not a technique to mentally focus you, but to do so physically. Your ears, and eyes, and nose will be so sensitive that you will know only how to leave your surroundings exactly as they are -- and sense only what you have done.
//Spike: How is that helpful, shouldn't I hear and see everything?
//Quine: You will, but it will not be as loud. This is a great hunter's technique, as you will know how to move like the stillest air, and hear only your prey's increasing heartbeat. Give in to the flow around you, and breathe...
//Spike: 'Patatrin-Vikramana'?
\\What is that, Sanskrit?
//Quine: It is a technique once used by Bucket James himself, to sneak into Castle Canterlot and slay the last of Celestia's progeny. Use it well.
//Spike: Great...

The Drakeling breathes in and focuses, casting Patatrin-Vikramana! The Drakeling's step becomes as light as a feather!

//Suddenly, every conversation fades away into a small buzz, leaking away with final words:
Pink Pony: It hasn't happened yet. Trust me, they would have asked me to throw the party...
//Almost like magic, the hustle and bustle of activity around me is no longer registering. There's only me, the sign carrier, and our lack of conversation.
//I tap the carrier on the arm.
Spike: I am Spike.
VMS: What?!
//She's still having trouble hearing. I need to speak louder.
Spike: I am Spike! Why are you holding the sign?
//I feel a disturbance in the air behind me. It's probably nothing.
VMS: Oh! Herr Yyz will meet you at The Snaffler at three o'clock! Your name is on the reservation!
Spike: Uh, okay! Thanks! Is that all?
Blue Pegasus: (Is that)...
VMS: Yes! Now can you hold the sign? I have to repaint it for the next pony coming in!
Spike: Uh, I--

The Blue Pegasus taps The Drakeling on the shoulder with her right front hoof!
The Drakeling leaps away from the Blue Pegasus!

//Gaah what is that?!
\\Oh it's just a pegasus. Wow, this move must really make me jumpy--
//Celestia's wings it's Rainbow Dash!
RBD: Hey! Are you Spike?
Spike: No!

The Drakeling starts to run!

RBD: Hold on!

//Rainbow Dash tries to push through the crowd, but it's too thick to chase me -- this technique lets me see exactly where to step and jump to move through people, like swimming through a river. Eventually, I go too far, and she stops chasing.
RBD: I swear, his body language looked like... but I can't see him now.
//Good! Leave me alone! Crazy stalking bint...

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//For its name, The Snaffler is a fancier restaurant than I thought. Here I imagined a dim inn with cozy, low ceilings. This is an open-air flower garden overlooking most of Canterlot, with dinner tables placed every so often, and cobblestone floor. I think I can see the teleportation courtyard from here. Waiters and waitresses are dressed in suits, and unflinchingly polite.
//And the cape is getting in the way of my tail and how do people sit in these chairs for more than two minutes it's driving me crazy. I'd rather be standing. To distract myself, I start people-watching. Hold on, is that who I think it is?
//A unicorn with a white coat sits alone at a table for six. She is dressed in finery, but not too much of it. The menu is placed to the side, and I think she greeted the waiter by name. Must be a common patron, then. She mutters to herself:
White Unicorn: I did say two thirty, didn't I? I do hope there's not trouble keeping them up...
//Two thirty looks like a popular time to be having lunch. Waiters and waitresses are performing something between a dance and a sprint to keep up with everyone's orders. Everypony's orders; there are only ponies here. A party of four enters, and they start to look around.
\\Why does everyone look so uptight? Do fancy pants come with a stick in the seat?
Elegant Noblemare: Oh, Ms. Rarity! There you are!
//So she is the Avatar of Avarice. Hold on, Ms.? Who uses that anymore?
Rarity: Why, hello, Enola! It is marvelous to see you again; how are your husband and foals?
//The party starts sitting down at the table. The waiters hand them wine selections and scurry off.
EN: As well as could be; each is driving the other out of their minds!
//The laughter seems too practiced, and the smiles fade too quickly.
R: Good, good. There was no trouble on the road, I hope?
//One of the party guests bows her head.
Sorry Equine Looker: I'm afraid our tardiness is completely on me. I saw a design for a necklace in a store window which I would have sworn to Celestia herself was your own, so I just had to look.
R: Oh? What was the piece's name?
SEL: 'Absence in Pearl', also adorned with coral. I considered buying it as a gift, but I'd no idea whom for.
EN: Why, give it to a suitor, Selena.
//Selena blushes.
SEL: I'd need to find one, first.
EN: Nonsense, dear; any stallion in Canterlot would be lucky to have your interest. I'm sure Clark here would certainly agree.
//The one male pony at the table, dressed simply with an insignia hanging off his neck, says:
CLK: Uh, y-yeah--
//He then hastily starts drinking water.
R: Ah, Selena, it must be an impressive piece if it caught your eye, but I simply don't do anything in coral or pearl. My apologies.
SEL: Oh! I didn't know, I'm sorry.
R: Don't be, it's quite alright. I don't work with biological products.
//The bulbous unicorn with quite a few rings to her horn starts talking, slowly and loudly. She looks to be a friend of the Elegant Noblemare.
Drawling Fat Friend: Is that due to the interference effect, Rarity?
R: Yes, partly. I also never took a liking to using remains as a means of art. It seems a little... primitive.
//The waitress comes over and poses a polite question.
EN: We're waiting for one more, would you mind giving us some more time?
R: Actually, while we are waiting for one more, Kim is going to arrive a little late and said not to hold anything up on her account. Is everyone ready to order?
//Orders are taken and the waitress walks (nearly trots; it's busy) away.
R: Why, just a while back a good friend of mine from Port Fuscus sent me a perfume d'ambergris. It stood on my bureau a good long while.
CLK: Where is it now?
R: Improving the scent of the bottom of my trash bin!
//Laughter all around. It still sounds fake.
SEL: I just thought the name sounded so much like your recent work. 'Absence in Pearl'... it evokes the sea, a long voyage away from the comforts of home in search of a greater wealth. Like the pearls, open ocean is a common romantic symbol for beauty, but both are, up close, inhospitable and hostile wastelands...
R: Have you ever been on the ocean, dear?
SEL: No, but I'd very much love to.
EN: I believe our stallion here can tell you about it. Isn't it true that you spent most of your squirehood in the service of the Neighvy, Clark?
//He pulls on his heavy cape, looking a little hot. A scar under his wing can be seen briefly.
Cool Looking Knight: Yes, but I spent a lot of time in Castle Hipocam. I was only, uh, out to sea for about a year.
EN: A year! Why, I couldn't imagine what it could possibly be like to not see land for an entire year!
SEL: You meant cumulative, right?
//The Knight nods with an unsure movement and picks up his water again.
//A waiter coughs next to me. How long has he been standing there?
Waiter: Sir, would you like to order?
//The menu has been in my hands for about ten minutes and I haven't looked at it once.
Spike: Uh... do you have anything with meat in it?
//He pauses, and lowers his eyebrows.
\\Oh yeah, I'm still wearing the cape, he probably thinks I'm a pony... whoops!
Waiter: Rest assured, sir, this is a vegan restaurant. We offer no animal products of any sort.
Spike: Oh. I'll have the soup, then.
//I put the menu a little bit higher and try to listen again.
//The waiter coughs.
Waiter: _Which_ soup, sir?
Spike: Uh... forget it, just get me a coffee.
Waiter: How would you like your coffee, sir?
Spike: Black and boiling hot.
//The waiter closes his eyes and trots off somewhere. Finally.
DFF: I found your use of simplex noise to bypass the implications of leMoyne's secondary theorem in the infrared spectrum inspiring. I wanted to ask: would it be possible to shorten the targeted wavelength?
R: Ah, you mean, for some sort of scentless invisibility?
DFF: Or its equivalent. Traditional invisibility spells come with significant tells.
R: Lower the wavelength... I suppose it could be done, but with energy investment going as inverse of wavelength to the fifth...
DFF: Fifth? Forget I asked, then; I had thought your algorithm would be at most squared.
R: At first it was, but a close friend and associate showed me significant artifacts in the 5-F structure, and I simply couldn't have that.
DFF: I don't blame you! That's just a mage having pride in her work.
SEL: (Do you have any idea what they're talking about?)
CLK: (Not one bit.)
SEL: (Heheheh.)
EN: I did see the auction for the vest you are talking about, and I thought it fetched a very reasonable price. Four hundred thousand bits, all in all. Were you there?
DFF: Four hundred thousand, for one of Rarity's works? Better it stay unsold than attract that level of interest! Don't you agree?
R: I simply can't find the time or interest to attend auctions anymore.
EN: Oh, my! Has the Avatar of Avarice turned into the Avatar of Apathy?
R: If you're offering to make a small donation to raise my spirits, Enola, I'd kindly oblige...
//More laughter. Rarity checks a clock, and then looks over to the entrance of the restaurant.
R: I do believe that's her. Kim! Over here, Kim, this is our table!
//A small purple pony sees Rarity's waving hoof and smiles.
\\That's no Kim, that's Twilight!
Nervous Mare: Y-your coffee, s-sir. Hck.
//She drops the coffee on the table and turns away.
Spike: Get well soon, that sounds like a nasty--
//Hold the hell on--
Spike: Na-Mira?!
//Na-Mira, dressed in a waitress's outfit, turns back quickly.
Na-Mira: S-sir, how do you know my name?
Spike: Na-Mira, it's me, Spike!
//She widens her eyes, and steps closer by a little, wiggling her fangs. I take off the cape.
Na-Mira: Spike! It's you!
//She grabs me and gives me a hug. I'm still halfway through taking off the cape...
Spike: Gee, thanks! I never thought you'd miss me this much.
//I extract myself from the hug. 'Swings, she's still as cold as ice...
N-M: Of course I missed you, hihihihi! But I knew you'd come back for me!
Spike: Na-Mira, I'm here to meet someone important, but until then I want to keep a low profile. Is it okay if we talk after that?
N-M: Of course! My shift ends at three thirty. I'll be waiting for you outside!
Spike: You really work here?
N-M: Hck, duh! You were gone for a month, so I had to find something to do!
//She trots off, fangs wiggling happily. I guess if I were more sensitive, I'd feel bad for throwing myself boldly into danger when people like Na-Mira care about me so much...
//BUT YOU ARE TOTALLY OKAY WITH HURTING THEM IN THE NAME OF GETTING FUCKED. DO YOU REALIZE WHAT A TERRIBLE PERSON YOU ARE?
R: Selena, Enola, Clark, Daffi, this is Kim. She's a very good friend of mine.
Twilight: Nice to meet all of you!
DFF: We were just talking about one of Rarity's works, a vest that distorts the infrared emanations of its wearer.
T: Oh? I've been having trouble with some snakes recently.
//Rarity chuckles.
EN: Do you dabble in the magical arts, dear?
//Twilight gives Rarity a quick glance.
T: Ha-ha, I've been known to cast a spell or two. Nothing on Rarity's level, though.
R: You flatter me, Kim! Enola, if it weren't for Kim I wouldn't know half of what I do about artifact design.
T: (That makes me sound like a teacher.)
R: (You are a teacher, Twilight.)
DFF: A unicorn who advises Rarity in magical matters is a unicorn to know. Well met, Mrs. Kim.
T: Oh, just Miss.
SEL: Sorry for asking, but could I ask where you're from, Miss Kim?
T: ...Any reason why?
SEL: You know, never mind. I thought you looked familiar.
T: Oh, it's no problem! I grew up here in Canterlot, but I lived in the Forlegsandria area for some time.
CLK: Forlegsandria? I'm from Forlegsandria!
SEL: Maybe that's where I recognized both of you from. I've never been the best with names, but I never forget a face...
//Selena leans in, inspecting Twilight as the conversation goes on.
R: (Sometimes I wish I could.)
T: (Enough.)
R: (Yet you should know how it feels, Twilight, for a Princess to give you shining wings and then for her to tear them away from you--)
T: So? Have you ordered yet?
EN: Yes, my dear, we've decided to have the piments au safran. Wild food for wild company, I say!
//Laughter all around.
T: O? Parlez-vous fancais?
EN: Non, I'm afraid, it's just a little habit I've picked up.
R: I understand how that tale goes, Enola; Kim here certainly influenced more than my fashion sense when I was younger.
T: (Now you're making me sound old!)
R: (Twilight, dear, you are old.)
T: That's a funny story, actually. If you look through my dresser, it's a perfect chronological ordering of Rarity's fashion tastes over time.
R: Oh, dear, please don't embarrass me! Let those dreadful things gather dust, trapped in the highest room of the tallest tower of Castle Canterlot, where they belong!
//Laughter around the table, but Selena leans in further.
SEL: That's it! I think I've seen you in the Castle before. I know I have.
//Twilight shrugs.
T: When I was a filly, I loitered around the Castle for hours after school, trying to get a glimpse of Princess Celestia. ...But that's the last time I can remember I was there. Sorry.
R: (I'm still unclear to whether you have an infatuation with princesses, or just Celestia. Recent events have not helped clarify.)
T: ('Swings, I haven't heard this before. Shove it up your wid--)
CLK: Hey, the food's here!
//Two servers put down a long serving plate, and distribute smaller plates to everyone. I try to keep listening, but can't hear anything over the clatter of dishes and the commotion of eating. Oh well.
//As I turn back to my full coffee, I hear what sounds like the voice of a haughty yuppie.
Haughty Yuppie: Excuse me? Are you Spike?
Spike: Huh?
//A pony with black fur sits down across from me. A small cloth square covers her cutie mark, and a leather mask with zippers covers her face. Regions of it are discolored.
//...Ew.
Spike: Are you, uh, Herr Yyz?
//I hope I pronounced that right.
Herr Yyz: I am. I see you have the inductor's cape. Wise of her to give it to you.
Spike: No, I'm just borrowing it. You can send it back, right?
HY: It's a gift. Keep it.
//Uh, okay, that's kind of forward...
Spike: So, uh, I was told I needed to meet you to enter Celestia's Faceless.
HY: Yes. Do you want to join Celestia's Faceless?
Spike: Yeah.
HY: Good. You are now one of the Faceless.
//...What?
Spike: Is that it?
HY: Usually I have a speech prepared for when groups join. You don't seem like one for speeches.
Spike: I meant, is that all I really have to do? I thought there'd be, I don't know, some sort of test?
HY: If you understand what the Faceless is about and want to join, those are the only tests. Membership is voluntary.
Spike: ...Okay, then.
HY: Why is it, though, that you wanted to join the Faceless? Dragons aren't our usual fare.
//...This pony is extremely straightforward. It's like subtlety and tact are just words in the dictionary that have two of the letter t.
Spike: ...I want all civilized people to understand Celestia's power, and I want that understanding to be the dominant force in Equestria, before anything else.
//IS THAT HOW YOU DECIDED TO PUT "EQUALITY AND REGICIDE" BECAUSE THAT'S A BITCH WAY OUT YOU SORRY SHITHEAD
HY: ...Really? It seems like you've thought about how to say that.
//...Every damn person in this world has lie-detecting powers!
\\Or maybe you're a terrible liar.
HY: You look hardened.
//...Excuse me?
HY: Tell me about your battles. Maybe then, I'll figure out what we can do together.
Spike: ...
HY: No, I don't mean sex. I left that life behind me.
//After a bit of hesitation, I start telling Herr Yyz my story. She does nothing but listen.

Spike: And, well, that's that. I came here.
//I was vague about the parts with Twilight, the forest fire, and Osto Bacchus, but besides that I basically just told someone my life story. Now that it's out there... it sounds kind of dumb.
//Herr Yyz nods her head.
HY: Celestia really did tell you to overthrow the Princess?
Spike: Yeah. What does that mean?
HY: It means you have to overthrow the Princess.
Spike: Hold on, you're--
HY: Encouraging you? Yes. I believe Celestia really did tell you that, and her decrees are the orders of a goddess. They cannot be ignored.
Spike: So what do I do?
HY: You should go to Ponyville, as Quine advised you. Wear the cape when you are there, and only refer to yourself as a Hero. This will remove your identity, and you will be a better Hero for it.
Spike: I still confront Fluttershy?
HY: Why not? She can, if Quine is correct, cure your dying curse. And she is one of the Avatars, holder of the Element of Kindness. You will be twenty percent closer to your goal of meeting with Hazel. And if you cure your friend Kezno as well, you'll advance dragonkind.
Spike: ...Okay. I think I understand now.
//Herr Yyz smiles. It would look odd even without the mask.
HY: It must seem like I'm rushing you. I'm sorry for that.
Spike: Rushing me? I just spent an hour telling you my life story. We're not rushing anywhere.
//The table where Rarity and Twilight sat is empty now. The Snaffler is a lot less busy.
HY: Yes, but I would like to give you a proper initiation soon, instead of just your acceptance of our mantle. After you receive the Element of Kindness, come back to Canterlot. We can discuss more then.
//Herr Yyz stands up. Neither of us actually ordered more than coffee, but she tosses down a few bits.
Spike: Wait! You're leaving?
HY: It is a busy week. Now that Celestia is no longer in Equestria, her duties fall to us. I will see you again, Spike.
//She trots off, head held high. Several of the waiters glance at her, and secretly make faces.
Spike: ...Huh. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn't that.
//I take a sip of the coffee, finally, even though it's cold.
Spike: Blech ttpppb--
//And spit it out.
Spike: What the crap, people drink this for fun? It's terrible!
//I walk out of the restaurant, disappointed.

//Na-Mira is waiting for me as I walk out, cape over my arm.
N-M: Spike, it's rude to keep a lady waiting.
Spike: Oh, sorry, who's waiting for me?
//I smile and hug Na-Mira, as she snorts (how does she do that?).
N-M: After I was sent here, I couldn't find out what happened to you at all.
Spike: I was training with Quine. I only got there because of your help, so, thanks, Na-Mira.
N-M: Hihi, it was nothing.
Spike: You work for The Snaffler now, as a waitress?
N-M: Yeah! At first, they kept me in the back cleaning dishes because... I think the word they used was 'freak'? But now I'm a waitress! (Every so often.) I never even knew a fancy thing like a restaurant existed, and now I'm working in one! Whoever made Canterlot knew what they were doing.
//Oh yeah, Na-Mira is from the past. I forgot about that.
Spike: ...I don't think they planned what restaurants would be like seven hundred years in the past, Na-Mira.
N-M: Their loss! The future is so cool!
Spike: This isn't the future, it's the present.
N-M: Hck, to you.
Spike: So, what did you want to talk to me about?
N-M: After we got separated, I thought the pony who cast that spell would try to come after me, since she did try to kill me before.
Spike: It was just a misunderstanding.
N-M: Hck, excuse me if I don't think so! I did some digging about that pony, Twilight Sparkle, to try to figure out who she was.
//What?!
Spike: You did?!
N-M: ...Should I not have?
Spike: Na-Mira, that's amazing! I've been asking everyone who she is!
//Maybe now I can figure out if what Rarity said in Longbridge Nights is true or not.
N-M: You were traveling with her, and you don't know who she is?
Spike: Uh... no. I mean, I know a little, but...
N-M: Twilight Sparkle is a unicorn from Canterlot, who moved to Ponyville under the command of Princess Celestia. She had a purple dragon with her when she was a student, but I haven't heard anything more about that.
Spike: Uh, yeah, that was me.
N-M: ...Then shouldn't you be telling me this?
Spike: Na-Mira, I lost my memory.
//Does she not remember anything?
N-M: ...Oh yeah.
//Silly fanged bint.
N-M: Eventually, she got a doctorate's degree in something or other which I don't remember. It was mathy and magicky and long. Her thesis was... oh, what was it... 'Thaumically-Chained Spheres in Flat Banach Spaces'?
//She can remember that but not that I have amnesia?
N-M: After that, the trail kind of goes dark. I mean, the general idea is there: she has powerful friends and adventures and is close to Princess Celestia in some way, shape, or form.
Spike: 'Close'? Is that what she was complaining about...
N-M: Like I said, there's no information. Rumors even mention she had wings at some point, but--
Spike: _Wings_?!
//Like a pegasus? That just sounds dumb!
N-M: They say her wings disappeared along with Celestia.
//Why would that be true?
Spike: That rumor must be false.
N-M: Anyway, there's no documents on her until a few weeks after Celestia disappears. The dragon Opterix attacked Ponyville, a town with no defenses at the time.
//No documents? That can't be right... Quine said there was a coronation of some sort.
Spike: And she defeated it?
N-M: Battle records list four people killed at Ponyville on that day. Three of them have the last name 'Sparkle', and one is Opterix.
Spike: What?!
//No way, no damn way, not in hell--
//I FUCKING TOLD YOU YOU SHIT NOW LISTEN TO ME
Spike: But Twilight isn't dead!
N-M: Right, so I looked for family. But she only has a brother, who's captain of the guard at Canterlot Castle, so... it had to be her and her parents. They were known as powerful magicians in their time.
//How can this be true? Even a powerful dragon couldn't take on Twilight with two other mages...
Spike: So she faked her death.
N-M: I think so. And I think the rumor she had wings is a little more significant than just a rumor.
Spike: What?
N-M: Think about it. How rare are alicorns?
Spike: Uh...
//I don't know. I have amnesia.
Spike: Rare, I guess?
N-M: Right. Who's the only pony known or rumored to have wings after being born otherwise? Twilight Sparkle. Who is a unicorn of immeasurable power on battle record as dying nineteen months ago but is clearly not dead? Twilight Sparkle. What alicorn appears only three days after the fake death of Twilight Sparkle? _Princess Hazel_.
//...
Spike: Na-Mira--
N-M: Immensely powerful sorceress? Known as a strict organizer and leader? Alicorn from out of nowhere? Knows the Princess's knights by name? Remember when you burnt down--
Spike: Yeah, skip that part--
N-M: And what she cared about was the big picture, how it would impact all of Equestria?
Spike: She also cared about the dead people.
N-M: This is the only explanation that makes sense, Spike. Your friend, Twilight Sparkle, is really Princess Hazel! She has been all along!
//That's impossible.
//WHO CARES KILL THEM BOTH.
Spike: No. I refuse to believe it.
//I just asked Twilight to be best friends with me forever. Even if it was a joke, I consider her a good friend... maybe the only friend I have. Besides Na-Mira. I don't want to imagine she's the person Celestia told me I have to kill...
//WHY IS IT 'KILL' WHEN IT'S YOUR FRIEND AND 'DEFEAT' WHEN IT'S YOUR OPPONENT?
//You?! What do you know about this?
//I KNOW YOU'RE AN IDIOTIC ASSHOLE AND THIS IS A WASTE OF TIME. GET FUCKING GOING.
//I can't believe the person I'm traveling with is the one I'm destined to defeat...
N-M: Believe it or don't. I'm not completely sure myself, but it's something you should keep in mind. You're in the presence of royalty! Isn't that amazing?!
Spike: Uh, yeah, pretty amazing. Listen, Na-Mira, if you could not tell anyone else about this--
N-M: Well, yeah, no one else knows who your friend is anyway.
Spike: Na-Mira, thanks. I'll think about this, I promise, but now I have to go back to Hero things. The life of a drakeling is in danger and I'm the only one who can save him.
N-M: Wait! Don't you want me to find out something else?
//...I forgot about that too! Wow, I've been away for a long time.
Spike: You have a life now. You have a job and... I'm sure friends.
N-M: Not really. Not besides you. All my friends are dead, remember?
Spike: Still, I don't want to take this away from you.
N-M: Are you kidding? How am I going to see the world from the inside of a kitchen?! You're still a Hero, and as long as you can use my help I'm here for you.
//HOW FUCKING SWEET. GET HER KILLED WITH YOUR INSANE DESIRES, WHY DON'T YOU.
Spike: Uh, okay. Rainbow Dash seems to be following me. Can you find out more about her? I want to know who I'm up against.
N-M: Sure! Information gatherer Na-Mira is on the job!
//She drops her waitress uniform at her hooves and gallops off, leaving me alone with my cape and train ticket to Ponyville (Herr Yyz gave me it). The afternoon bell strikes, welcoming in the darkness.
//...Time to get moving, I guess.

//Night train to Forlegsandria. I'm sitting across from an old mare who is getting on my nerves.
Old Mare: Hoof! It smells like one o' them scalescum in here. They could do a better job o' cleaning these compartments, I say.
Spike: I'm going to try to get some sleep.
//Though mostly I hope she just shuts up.
//I put my brown cloak over myself and lie down on the seat. I can already tell I'm not going to get any...
//...

C: Spike.
//Huh. With the rumbling, this must be that dream everyone talks about of the train going through the tunnel. Am I supposed to be inside the train? That seems kind of weird.
Spike: Go away, puberty fairy.
C: You've passed that mark. And I am no creature of whimsy.
//Wait...
Spike: Celestia!
C: Yes. It is I.
Spike: Oh, Celestia, I have dedicated myself to your worship, and want to work to advance your glory through all of Equestria!
C: For that I am glad, my Spike. If you see to it that you are loyal to me, and not to others, reward can be your only end.
Spike: Not to others? You mean I shouldn't work with the Faceless?
C: It is as Quine said, little one. Religious organizations can be helmed by different captains, and sailed in different directions. You mean to do this in my name, as I see it; Herr Yyz would lead them by what she believes me to be. But there are more important topics now.
Spike: What is it, O Celestia?
C: You must awaken. Buffalo mean to take the train and abduct its passengers for ransom. These radicals have blocked the train's path with tree trunks. They will kill you, or worse, if they find you here. There are too many for you to deal with, so you must escape.
Spike: What? I can't just run away! The crash will kill people, and the survivors will be kidnapped!
C: If I told you how to save them and yourself, would the act hold any meaning?
//...I guess not.
C: Awaken, Hero. Learn what 'fight or flight' means.

//I wake up. The old mare across from me is pretending to be asleep.
//...Huh, my cape shifted off while I was sleeping. The old mare is staring at me through one slightly open eye.
//I stand up.
Old Mare: What are you doing?!
//...Standing up. What does it look like?
Spike: Here, hide yourself under this.
//I hand her the brown cloak. She lets it drop on the floor, eying me suspiciously.
Spike: Stay out of the way and you might not get hurt.
//First, I have to get the train to stop. Then... I'll figure something out.

The Drakeling puts on the displacement cape, blurring into a vague smudge of purple!

//I step out into the hallway, closing the door behind me. Here's to hoping I'll never meet that person again in my life.
//...Which way is it to the front of the train?
Porter: 'Scuse me, sir, but please don't loiter in the hallways. The track ahead is bumpy and we don't want to see anyone hurt.
Spike: Oh, sorry. I'm trying to see my sister. She said she was one car ahead of me, but I don't know which way that is.
//The porter looks at me oddly.
Porter: Um, sir, can't you tell which way the train is moving? Ahead would mean, to the front of the train.
//...Wow.
Spike: Swings, I'm sorry, it's late. I feel kind of dumb now.
Porter: Of course not, sir. 'Scuse me.
//He moves on by, down the train. I run towards the front once he's out of sight.
Spike: Jebed, can you hear me? I need your help.
Voice One: (Why is that guy running?)
Voice Two: (Hush, we're supposed to be asleep. Hehehehe!)
//After a pause, the ankh responds.
Ankh(Jebed): ...This is an odd time at night to have a request, Spike.
Spike: There's a train coming into Forlegsandria, but the tracks are blocked and buffalo are going to attack it. Can you get help?
Ankh(Jebed): Are you sure?
Spike: Yes! I'm on it!
Ankh(Jebed): I'll see who I can round up.
//I burst through the door to the engineer's room!
Lead Engineer: Hey, what's up?
//...The cape makes them think I'm someone who's supposed to be here. Can I use that?
Spike: Uh, hey, got a message from up ahead. Someone said the tracks are blocked.
//Both engineers whip their heads around to look at me.
Side Engineer: What?
Spike: The tracks are blocked. We have to stop.
Side Engineer: Listen, I haven't heard anything on the radio.
Lead Engineer: Blocked? What would they be blocked by?
Spike: There's a bunch of logs on the tracks. I swear, I'm telling the truth!
Lead Engineer: ...Just who the hell are you, anyway?
//It looks like the cape's powers are limited...
SE: Front to internal, could we get some security in here? Over.
Spike: Listen, I'm not trying to trick you. In the time we could spend arguing, you could be sending a pegasus out there to check.
Lead Engineer: Bub, whatever you're trying to pull, it's not gonna--
Spike: Are you going to risk everyone's lives on that?!
//The two engineers pause. I hear someone large coming up the train car.
Side Engineer: Front to internal, send out a flier to check the tracks, over.
LE: Serge! Cancel that.
SE: If he's lying, then, what? Nothing happens.
LE: Nothing's gonna happen, get your head on--
//The radio crackle interrupts their argument:
Radio: Nix that request, front; over a hundred buffalo in war colors running next to us, over.
SE: What?!
LE: The hell?!
Spike: They blocked the tracks!
SE: Front to internal, confirm war buffalo, over!
LE: If we stop, they'll overrun the cars! Get this idiot outta here!
Security Pony: Sir, get on the ground.
Spike: If you don't, people will die!
//A hundred? That's way too many!
LE: Get him outta here!
Radio: Front, brakes! Track is blocked! I repeat, track is blocked! BRAKES!
//The side engineer yanks the brake lever!

The Drakeling collides with the obstacle!
The Security Pony collides with the obstacle!
The Lead Engineer falls over!
//A horrid screech comes from beneath the cars, echoing through the entire train! It starts to slow down!

LE: Serge, warning next time!
The Drakeling stands up.

Spike: Keep the passengers in their rooms! I'll try to hold them off!
SE: What?!
LE: The hundred war buffalo, you idiot!
Spike: There's still a block on the tracks!

The Security Pony stands up.
//I leap out of the room, running backwards on the slowing train!
//Out of the window, lit by moonlight, I can see a horde of buffalo running next to the train. How they can keep up is beyond me...
Spike: I've got to get to the outside!
Voice One: (What? What's happening?)
Voice Two: Why are we slowing down?
Spike: Stay in your cabins!

The Drakeling breathes in and focuses, casting Terrae Corpus! The Drakeling's scales become as hard as rock!
The Drakeling takes off the displacement cape.

//I reach the end of the car and swing to the outside, holding on to the train's steel pole with my left hand!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

The Buffalo attack!

The Buffalo leaps at The Drakeling!
The Buffalo headbutts The Drakeling in the upper body, cracking the scale and bruising the muscle!
The Buffalo collides with The Drakeling, but The Drakeling holds on!
//'Swings, they just immediately attacked me! I guess there's nothing to do but fight back!

Spike: Not today!
The Drakeling grabs The Buffalo by the head with his right hand! The Drakeling throws The Buffalo by the head with his right hand!
The Buffalo collides with The Buffalo! They tangle together and fall over!
//The buffalo try to move around their tripped comrades, but it doesn't look like they're having a successful job of it...

The train slows down!

//I'll try not to kill them, I should be able to restrain myself like that...
Spike: Get away!
The Drakeling breathes fire!
The Buffalo dodges away from the dragonfire! The Buffalo dodges away from the dragonfire!
The Buffalo collides with The Buffalo! They tangle together and fall over!

Buffalo: Make the dragon pay for our suffering!
Spike: Shove it up your--
The Buffalo leaps at The Drakeling!
The Buffalo gores The Drakeling in the left upper leg, but the attack is deflected by The Drakeling's scales!
The Drakeling counterattacks!
The Drakeling kicks The Buffalo in the upper body with his right foot, bruising the skin, bruising the muscle and bruising the left false rib!
The Buffalo bites the train in the steel! The Buffalo latches on firmly!

Spike: Hope you know a good dentist!
The Drakeling kicks The Buffalo in the left front leg, shattering the bone!
The Buffalo falls over!
The Buffalo releases the grip of The Buffalo's teeth on the train.

The train slows down!

The Buffalo leaps at The Drakeling!
The Buffalo kicks The Drakeling in the lower body, but The Drakeling dodges away!
Spike: Damn I'm good!
The Drakeling strikes The Buffalo in the upper body with his Dashing Rogue Punch, bruising the muscle, shattering the bone and tearing apart the middle spine's nervous tissue!
The Buffalo falls over!

The Drakeling breathes fire!
The Buffalo is caught in the dragonfire! The Buffalo is lit aflame!
Buffalo: Aaaaaaaagggghh!
//The aflame buffalo diverts to the outside of the pack, fading away from view as he slows down.
//I'm fighting, but I'm not doing much damage! There are too many of them!

The train slows down!
//It's almost walking speed now! They can jump right up!

The Buffalo leaps at The Drakeling!
Spike: You jerks like football?
The Drakeling kicks The Buffalo in the upper body with his right foot, bruising the muscle and shattering the right true ribs!
The Buffalo is propelled away by the force of the blow!
The Buffalo collides with The Buffalo! They tangle together and fall over!
The Buffalo collides with the ground! The Buffalo collides with the ground!

//You know, if I weren't doing that to them...

The Buffalo leaps at The Drakeling!
The Buffalo headbutts The Drakeling in the upper body, bruising the muscle!
The Buffalo collides with The Drakeling, but The Drakeling holds on!

The Buffalo leaps at The Drakeling!
The Buffalo headbutts The Drakeling in the right upper leg, denting the scale!
The Buffalo collides with The Drakeling! The Drakeling releases the grip of The Drakeling's left hand on the train!

//It's moving slow enough that I don't need to hold on, but that's not good!
\\Compared to what? Crashing and killing everyone?

Spike: Attacking a train full of innocent people... don't expect me to forgive you.

The Drakeling strikes The Buffalo in the right front leg with his Fist of Justice, shattering the right front leg's bone, driving the bone through the right knee, and shattering the right knee's bone!
The Buffalo gives into pain! The Buffalo collapses!

Buffalo: Innocent?! How are you anything but?!
Spike: As if that excuses your behavior!
Buffalo: Dragons slaughtered our people!
Spike: Then take issue with them, not us!

The Buffalo kicks the Drakeling in the left upper arm with her right front hoof, denting the scale!

The Drakeling grabs The Buffalo by the left horn with his right hand! The Drakeling throws The Buffalo by the left horn with his right hand!
The Buffalo collides with The Buffalo! They tangle together and fall over!

The train slows to a crawl!

//Well, here goes nobody.
Spike: Who wants bison burger?
//I leap off the train!
The Drakeling leaps at The Buffalo!
The Drakeling kicks The Buffalo in the head with his left foot, bruising the muscle, bruising the skull and bruising the brain!
The Drakeling collides with The Buffalo! They tangle together and fall over!
The Buffalo has been knocked unconscious!

The Buffalo kicks The Drakeling in the head with her left front hoof, denting the scale!
The Buffalo kicks The Drakeling in the left foot with his right rear hoof, shattering the scale and bruising the muscle!
The Buffalo gores The Drakeling in the right lower leg with her right horn, shattering the scale!

The Drakeling stands up.

The Drakeling breathes fire!
The Buffalo dodges away from the dragonfire! The Buffalo is caught in the dragonfire! The Buffalo's right front leg has been burnt to a crisp!

The Buffalo charges at The Drakeling, but The Drakeling dodges away!
The Drakeling strikes The Buffalo in the lower body with his Dashing Rogue Punch, bruising the muscle and bruising the guts!

Spike: It's because of thugs like you people have to live in fear!
Buffalo: No! It's because of dragons like you that _we_ suffer!
Spike: And you're taking it out on others?!

The Drakeling breathes fire! The Buffalo dodges away from the dragonfire!

Buffalo: Our young were taken from us just moons ago! Should we not take in turn the dragons' young?! The ponies' young?!
Spike: No!

The Buffalo charges at The Drakeling! The Buffalo gores The Drakeling in the lower body from behind with his right horn, shattering the scale and tearing apart the muscle!
The right horn has lodged firmly in the wound!

//Kooo, this is bad...
\\Not as bad as seeing innocents hurt. You still have strength!
//IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL IT?

The Drakeling elbows The Buffalo in the head with his left elbow, bruising the muscle, bruising the skull and tearing apart the upper spine's nervous tissue!
The Buffalo collapses! The Buffalo releases the grip of The Buffalo's right horn on The Drakeling's lower body.

//Celestia, this is bad; I'm bleeding and I'm surrounded and it's hard to stand on that foot...

Spike: You think I'm afraid of you?!
Buffalo: You're the monster here! We're just victims!
Spike: Says the trainrobber!

The Buffalo charges at The Drakeling!
The Buffalo headbutts The Drakeling in the right lower arm, denting the scale!
The Buffalo collides with The Drakeling! The Drakeling tumbles backwards!

Buffalo: Hold him down! He is a drakeling!
Spike: _That_ doesn't make you sound evil...

The Drakeling breathes fire!
The Buffalo is caught in the dragonfire! The Buffalo's upper body has been set aflame!
The Drakeling stands up.

//Again, that foot's not stable; we need to find something to do here...
\\What?! Tell me just what, exactly, I'm supposed to do surrounded by twenty buffalo who want to kill me!

The Buffalo kicks The Drakeling in the nose with her left front hoof, shattering the scale and bruising the bone!
The Drakeling falls over!
//'Swings, I wasn't expecting that!

The Buffalo gores at The Drakeling with her left horn, but The Drakeling rolls away!
The Buffalo grabs The Drakeling by the left lower leg with her right front hoof!
The Buffalo grabs The Drakeling by the head with his left front hoof!
The Buffalo grabs The Drakeling by the right upper leg with her upper body!

Buffalo: Calm the beast!

The Drakeling breathes fire!
The Buffalo dodges away from the dragonfire! The Buffalo releases the grip of The Buffalo's right front hoof on The Drakeling's left lower leg.
The Buffalo is caught in the dragonfire! The Buffalo's left front leg has been burnt to a crisp! The Buffalo gives into pain! The Buffalo releases the grip of The Buffalo's upper body on The Drakeling's right upper leg.

Buffalo: Cover his mouth!

The Buffalo grabs The Drakeling by the jaw with his right front hoof! The Buffalo forces The Drakeling's mouth closed!
//Well, there's a simple solution to this problem.
The Drakeling punches The Buffalo in the upper body with his Fist of Justice, bruising the muscle, shattering the right true ribs, driving the right true ribs through the right false ribs and shattering the right false ribs!
The Buffalo gives into pain! The Buffalo collapses!

The Drakeling stands up.

Spike: You want more?! I aim to please!
//THE FIRST STEP IS ADMITTING IT.
//I can't keep staying on this foot; maybe I need to use this new technique...

The Drakeling breathes in and focuses, casting Patatrin-Vikramana! The Drakeling's step becomes as light as a feather!

//Wow, everything feels so much better!

The Buffalo charges at The Drakeling!
The Buffalo gores at The Drakeling with his left horn, but The Drakeling dodges away!
The Buffalo rushes past The Drakeling!

//It's like I can almost feel my opponents, and how clumsily they move! Four legs aren't any sort of benefit in a fight...

The Buffalo kicks at The Drakeling with her right rear hoof, but The Drakeling dodges away!
//You know, we should probably start hitting back.
The Drakeling strikes The Buffalo in the teeth with his Dashing Rogue Punch, and the severed parts fly off in an arc!
//Who knows, maybe she has a career as a 'toothless old wisemare' in her future.

//Suddenly the air takes on a different tone. Something is coming, and I can't tell--
Buffalo: Uaaaaayayaaya!
The Buffalo collides with The Drakeling! They tangle together and fall over!
//Oof, she landed on top of my stomach--
Spike: Oouurrrelk--
The Drakeling vomits blood!
The spewing dragon vomit laced with dragon blood strikes The Drakeling in the right upper arm!

Buffalo: Wow, I can't believe that worked!
Spike: Shut up and get off-ooul--
The Drakeling vomits blood!
The spewing dragon vomit laced with dragon blood strikes the ground!

The Buffalo grabs The Drakeling by the left upper leg with her right rear leg! The Buffalo grabs The Drakeling by the right upper leg with her left rear leg! The Buffalo grabs the Drakeling by the jaw with her right front hoof!

//Two more buffalo dive on my arms! This isn't good!
The Buffalo grabs The Drakeling by the left upper arm with his lower body!
The Buffalo grabs The Drakeling by the right upper arm with his upper body!

Buffalo: I hope my ancestors will forgive me... doing a vile thing such as this to a vile thing such as you -- but for my people, I must.
//Fire spurts out from between my teeth. Screw her and screw this.
The Buffalo grabs The Drakeling by the waist with her waist!

//What happened to change in the air?! Something was about to happen, I know it!
//YOU MEAN BESIDES YOU BRINGING GREAT SHAME UPON OUR PEOPLE?
//Go to hell!

The Buffalo assaults The Drakeling with her waist! The Drakeling's resistance is lowered!

Buffalo: Stop struggling! I'm enjoying this as little as you are!
//That's a good reason to stop!
Spike: Mmmrh mrh rrhhhm!

//Wait... I think I hear something.
//THERE IS A CHANGE IN THE FUCKING WIND, YOU IDIOT. TURNS OUT I KNEW YOUR RANK ASS COULDN'T HELP WITH ABSOLUTELY SHIT SO I CALLED IN SOMEONE ELSE.
//Who?
//FUCKING ANYONE DOES IT MATTER

The Buffalo assaults The Drakeling with her waist! The Drakeling's resistance is lowered further!

//Out of the skies I see a massive beast drop like a stone!

The Bronze Dragon slams into the ground!
The Buffalo is caught underneath the falling Bronze Dragon! The Buffalo has been struck down!
The Buffalo is caught underneath the falling Bronze Dragon! The Buffalo has been struck down!

Buffalo: What the hell was that?!
//THE HAMMER OF JUSTICE YOU CRAZY HORNED BINT

The Bronze Dragon breathes fire!
The Buffalo is caught in the dragonfire! The Buffalo's entire body has been burnt to a crisp! The Buffalo has been struck down!
The Buffalo is caught in the dragonfire! The Buffalo's entire body has been burnt to a crisp! The Buffalo has been struck down!
The Buffalo is caught in the dragonfire! The Buffalo's entire body has been burnt to a crisp! The Buffalo has been struck down!

Buffalo: Dragon! Dragon on the right flank! Retreat!

The Buffalo releases the grip of The Buffalo's right front hoof on The Drakeling's jaw.
The Buffalo releases the grip of The Buffalo's lower body on The Drakeling's left upper arm.

The Drakeling breathes fire! The Buffalo dodges away from the dragonfire!
The Buffalo releases the grip of The Buffalo's upper body on The Drakeling's right upper arm.

Justice (Bronze Dragon): Hero! Is that you?
Spike: Jebed!
Jebed: Lie flat!

The Dragon breathes fire!
The Buffalo is caught in the dragonfire! The Buffalo's entire body has been burnt to a crisp! The Buffalo has been struck down!
The Buffalo is caught in the dragonfire! The Buffalo's entire body has been burnt to a crisp! The Buffalo has been struck down!
The Buffalo is caught in the dragonfire! The Buffalo's entire body has been burnt to a crisp! The Buffalo has been struck down!
The Drakeling's scales are unharmed!

//I stand up through the charred remains of the buffalo holding me down. Jebed's smaller than Osdar, and her flame was still like that...

Jebed: Are you hurt?
Spike: A little. Not badly.
Jebed: Good. We were in time, then.
Spike: 'We'?
//I look up. Parts of the starry sky are blotted out by the shapes of dragons, soaring overhead and diving down into the fray. The side of the train opposite us starts to light up with occasional dragonfire, and the screams of buffalo become more frequent.
//...It looks like the train is safe.

The Buffalo were defeated!
Spike earned 7500 experience points!
Spike is now level 23!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

Spike: You got here pretty quickly.
Jebed: I knew you wouldn't use the ankh unless you had to, because anyone can hear it.
Spike: Better than... you know.
//What was happening there. I never hoped someone would see me like that...
Jebed: It's a dreadful world drakelings have to face, Spike, but thankfully no one has to face it alone.
Spike: I'm glad you didn't think I was joking, but... this many dragons? Was that really necessary?
Jebed: The dragon instinct wouldn't leave me alone. Which was annoying, because I would have come anyway.
//SO WOULD SHITHEAD IF HE HAD GOTTEN THE CHANCE
Jebed: Oh, right, hold on--
//Jebed leans back and extends her head up. She breathes purple flames into the night sky!
Spike: Woah!
JBD: It's the optional disengage signal. I don't want anyone feeling like they have to chase these bison to the ends of Equestria... but I wouldn't be opposed if they did.
//The sun starts to rise over Canterlot mountain. It shows just exactly how many dragons are in swarm over the train car... and that is a scary sight.
Spike: Wh-- they're running away! They've surrendered! There's no reason to keep fighting!
JBD: ...Do you understand what they were trying to do to you?
Spike: That? Everyone tries to do that, don't chase them down on my account!
JBD: ...That is not a healthy mentality, Spike.
Spike: I'm a Hero, I doubt that's a healthy mentality either. Tell them to stop killing! It's not necessary anymore!
JBD: I will leave it up to them to decide. These buffalo would have murdered and enslaved you, and others on the train if they had their way. Criminals need to be brought to justice to prevent crime from spreading.
Spike: They... they didn't do any of that yet. You can't blame someone for what they _would_ do. Call them off!
//Jebed takes a long pause, neck bowing to one side as she looks at me. She sniffs sharply once, and raises her head, breathing green flames into the night sky!
Spike: (How do you control your flame color like that?)
JBD: You're bleeding.
Spike: Hmm?
//I look around me. The blood all over the ground came from my vomit, not the hole in my side... though I should get the wound checked out.
JBD: Get on my back. I'll take you to Forlegsandria.
Spike: I have to make sure everyone on the train is alright.
JBD: We're clearing the blockage on the tracks, and there are enough bipedals to check on the passengers. They'll take care of it. You're hurt. Climb on, I'll fly you.
Spike: Well, if you're offering...
//I climb on Jebed's back, and she launches into the sky.

//Jebed hits a thermal about a mile from where dragons are lifting tree trunks off the tracks. We circle around for a bit, gaining height and watching them.
Spike: Do you think everything will be alright?
Jebed: That rarely happens. Very little turns out well on its own. That is why we must work to make it so.
Spike: ...Okay, what do you think will happen?
JBD: The block will be removed, and the trains will run late today. Besides that, nothing out of the ordinary. Only you were hurt, thanks to... well, you.
Spike: Several buffalo were killed.
JBD: Outside my sphere of consideration.
//Jebed reaches the top of the thermal, and stretches her wings wide, coasting Forlegsandria way. I grab two of her spines and draw myself into a ball; it's cold up here (and the wind on my wound hurts).
Spike: A few of the buffalo were yelling at me for being a dragon. Why is that?
JBD: The first, and obvious, response is that you were in a fight.
Spike: It didn't sound like that. They said 'dragons slaughtered our young'.
JBD: Oh. Well, they said that because dragons slaughtered their young.
Spike: What?!
//Jebed turns her head to the side, looking at me with a great eye.
JBD: Spike, let no one fool you. Some dragons, particularly from the Aquinatics, like to think of ourselves as a noble people, whose heritage awards us dominion and demands honor from all those of dragon blood.
//I guess I can play demon's advocate here.
Spike: What's wrong with being proud of who you are?
T: (The 'I'm better than others' part of it.)
Spike: (How did you get up--)
JBD: But dragons are savage killers by nature. In practice, we are the scourge of empires, destroyer of peoples, and bringers of war. Dragons are predators, and violence is bred into us.
Spike: ...I don't want to believe that.
JBD: Then look at yourself: how are you helping the world? Not through charity or grace, but via bloodshed. There is a place in the world for white blood cells, though, and it may be better suited to a dragon than a pony.
Spike: There are plenty of dragons who aren't bloodthirsty murderers!
JBD: All sapient creatures, from the smallest ant to the biggest of us, demonstrate behaviors which are a direct result of their biology. Patterns are encoded in our blood, species by species. The question is whether to glorify our natures, or to transcend them.
//The rising sun warms the air a little more. I stretch out my tail, and it cracks.
JBD: Dragons who choose to stay in the Aquinatics and fight, among whom Quine is included, generally believe our natures are either immutable or desirable. Dragons of old divided Equestria and further lands territorially among themselves, fighting recklessly for miniscule power gains, resulting in great and terrible consequences for all. Like animals, they embraced the chaos they made. Dragons themselves led to the extinction of true dragonkind, with only us phoenician drakes surviving.
Spike: So what happened?
JBD: The advent of Princess Celestia. She--
Spike: Wait, no, hold on. I thought Celestia was always here.
//Something like a laugh comes from ahead of me.
JBD: You've been listening to ponies, then. How long do ponies live, again? Fifty years, if they're lucky?
T: (She's off by a bit.)
JBD: I've spoken with dragons who called Celestia 'that young girl', when they were alive. Her origins might be lost in pony history, but I'm sure Quine would be able to tell you what ancient dragons thought of Celestia's emergence in Equestria.
Spike: ...Huh.
//Quine didn't have the highest opinion of her.
JBD: Informal groups were created, out of necessity, to make sure dragonkind survived against Princess Celestia's power. Their actions and ideas reflected their base instincts, and what they felt a dragon should be. Eventually, this resulted in a strict set of feudal rules and honor codes which governed dragon behavior.
Spike: What were they?
JBD: Best left in the past is what they were. 'Dragon' is not a behavior or a culture, and civilized peoples are meant to transcend their nature, not embrace it. I've worked forty years in Forlegsandria on that principle and the situation in the Aquinatics is a direct result of ignoring it.
Spike: ...Everyone has their own opinion on the conflict, I guess.
//Nothing like that is so simple.
JBD: After the disappearance, some dragons thought their restrictions were gone -- the onus of change in the past had now left, so what they thought of as 'glory' could return to dragonkind. And... they started marauding and burning and pillaging and killing whatever they felt like, if they thought there wouldn't be a dragon who challenged them for territory. They embraced our nature.
Spike: Wait, I thought you opposed Princess Hazel because she killed a bunch of dragons after the disappearance. You're saying they were destroyers?
JBD: Hazel killed those dragons, sure. But there were many of us who chose to take territory not out of greed and bloodlust, but to protect as much as we could from the dragons who... well, did. And Hazel, from what I saw, refused to discriminate between the two. To her, a dragon was a dragon was a tyrant, and needed to be eliminated. ...I lost many friends in those three months.
//The more and more I learn, the murkier the world becomes. Hazel killed dragons who were trying their best to help others, but also dragons who were savages... Celestia's existence threatened the entire race of dragonkind, but she calls them 'her treasured creation'... what the hell am I supposed to believe?
Spike: So what happened with the buffalo again?
JBD: Oh! Right. The buffalo were slaughtered, because this region was overseen by a particularly nasty dragon whose name I won't do the service of remembering. They claim Princess Hazel deliberately overlooked their plight after the disappearance, and demand reparations which are not going to happen. To that political end, some buffalo -- not all, which is important -- draw attention to their plight by hurting others.
Spike: Innocents.
//How terrible.
JBD: That usually gets the most eyeballs.
Spike: Wait. Why did Celestia leave again?
T: ('Swings, if Jebed can sum _that_ up in a three-hour flight, she can have my job.)
JBD: No one knows.
Spike: It seems like her absence caused so much chaos, and many people got hurt all over Equestria... didn't she know that would happen?
JBD: It's possible she did. Then again, if you're not one to believe in Princess Celestia's divinity, the events of the last few years of her rule show some significant cracks in her armor.
//Celestia appeared to me in a dream. I'm fairly certain she's at least a little divine.
Spike: She knew about all that would happen and decided to leave anyway...
//What in the world could possibly justify that?
JBD: Whether you blame her for it or not depends on how you view helping others. Is it a duty, or an option?
//For a ruler? Even if you can stop helping people once you've chosen that position, leaving without warning isn't something you can just... up and do one day.
Spike: Leaders don't abandon their people.
//Still, I'm sure Celestia must have had a reason for what she did...
JBD: We think alike, then. Though, to be completely honest, I am glad she left. Dragons under Celestian rule were not exactly equal.
//You know, I keep on hearing that, but I've never actually heard just exactly what was so bad...
\\What Jebed's saying about Celestia and dragonkind's history is the same as Quine told you when you were training with him. Did you forget that? Or not want to remember?
//Damnit this entire section is just exposition can we skip to the end of the chapter already my thumb is tired from holding spacebar.
Spike: ...What do you mean?
JBD: ...
T: (Dragon and pony inequality was coincidental, not a result of deliberate policies by the crown.)
Spike: (As opposed to now?)
T: (Hey, that's not--)
JBD: Maybe it is best if I use an example.
//Story-time!

\\Oh crap the background changed why are we in Canterlot again?
//Hush, you're not supposed to comment on the graphical limitations. It's assumed Jebed is describing the setting.
\\Well she could have described the clouds better, they look pixelated. And a sliding glass door? What a security hazard!
//Oh hush Mr. Foreshadowing, we're not supposed to think about that yet.
Accompanying Pony: Come on, come on, this way.
//A middle-aged stallion enters the wide room, accompanied by a shuffling figure with a coat over it, a little shorter than the pony.
Sniffling Figure: Snif, hhhk...
Accompanying Pony: Quiet.
//The stallion lifts his head up and looks around. He draws the crimson curtains shut across the door. The figure speaks out in a nervous voice:
SF: Where are we?
AP: I said quiet!

The Stallion kicks The Figure in the upper body with his left front hoof, bruising the muscle and bruising the bone!

//The figure collapses inwards, laying her head on the floor.
SF: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please...
AP: ...It's okay. I forgive you.
//The stallion turns away from the shaking figure, and looks to the side with a conspiratorial glance, speaking in loud whispers.
AP: You should try to appreciate what I'm doing here. Darling -- this is my home! This is my heart and center, right here. I want you to understand how much having you here means to me.
SF: This... is your heart and center?
//Slowly, so slowly, the stallion turns around. His brow lowers, and his face darkens.
AP: Are you... _questioning_ me?
SF: No, please, darling, I didn't mean it, I don't--
//With deliberate steps, echoing one by one through the lavish room, he advances towards the covered girl.
//He stops in front of her, and bends his head down.
AP: Darling, _you're_ my heart and center.
//The transition in his voice, from menacing to sweet, is immediate.
//He raises the figure's head with his hooves, and pushes the coat back over her head.
\\Holy crap it's Yiha!
//'Swings, you don't have to spell it out for us.
//Yiha is the figure under the coat. She's crawling on her knees and elbows, tail tucked between her legs and wrapped around her torso.
AP: ...Am I your heart and center?
//Yiha's lip quivers for half a moment. She stares into the stallion's eyes...
Yiha: Darling... yes. I love you.
//A long pause. The slight, almost mocking smile fades from his face as he stares into Yiha's eyes, and eventually looks away.
AP: Yiha... sometimes, I don't think that you do.
Yiha: Please, darling, don't say that--
//He spins around and faces the curtain, cutting her off:
AP: And why would I feel like that, Yiha?!
//She continues to beg and plead:
Yiha: No, darling, I love you, I really do --
AP: Enough.
//He drops his head and stares at the floor. Yiha closes her eyes, and visibly forces back tears. She tries to collect herself, and visibly fails.
Yiha: What... can I do, to p-prove that I love you?
//The stallion remains silent. He stares at the floor.
//Yiha pauses for a long time.
Yiha: ...Here? Do you want to take me... here?
//After a short moment, the stallion turns around, and mutters with a wry smile:
//The door bursts open and a mare jumps into the room!
Enraged Unicorn: Apparel, you... you _bastard_.
//Visibly shaking, she spits words at the stallion as if they could cause him physical harm.
//Nonplussed, he trots over to Yiha, and throws the coat back over her head.
Apparel: Hello, Europa.
Europa: And just what exactly would _this_ be?
//Her nostrils flare as she emphasizes words. It's actually kind of distracting.
\\Or it would be if the programmer did that effect!
//Quiet.
AP: This is a misunderstanding.
//Apparel puts his hoof on Yiha's back, pressing her to get closer to the ground. She curls up, slightly.
EU: No, I think I understand exactly what's going on here.
AP: I assure you that you don't.
//The silverware on display clatters for no reason.
EU: You're using... that _thing_, as a toy!
AP: What? Europa, I would never!
EU: You might be able to manipulate her, but I'm not a dumb animal!
AP: Shut up, you cow!
//The curtains jiggle slightly, as there's a slight tremor... what's going on?
EU: So now it comes out. I knew, I always knew, but I didn't want to tell myself it was true, and now, _this_...
//The stallion straightens himself up, becoming immediately more calm.
EU: In my own fucking home!
AP: So?
EU: What do you mean, '_so_'?!
AP: What is it you want? A divorce? Are you after my money? Are you going to ruin my reputation?
EU: That... you... you _evil_ fuck. This is all you can think after doing this to me?
//A large tremor shakes the building, bouncing a mirror off the wall somewhere in the house and shattering it.
AP: What the _hell_ was that?
EU: Apparel, you are a sick, twisted fuck and divorce would be too good for you.
//Apparel trots over to the sliding glass door, and opens the curtain.

The Bronze Dragon slams the sliding door in the glass with her head, and the severed parts fly off in arcs!
The Bronze Dragon slams the stallion in the upper body with her head, bruising the muscle and shattering the left true ribs!
The stallion is propelled away by the force of the blow!

The stallion slams into the obstacle!
The stallion's left rear leg takes the full force of the impact, shattering the left rear leg's bone, jamming the left rear leg's bone through the hip and shattering the hip!
An artery has been torn!

//Europa jumps back and looks at the glass scattered all over the floor of her room. Apparel, wide-eyed, screams:
AP: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?!
Justice (Bronze Dragon): The consequences to your actions.
//As the dragon speaks, Yiha takes the coat from over her head with a trembling hand.

EU: This isn't what we agreed on, Jebed!
//The bronze dragon, its head and neck sticking into the room from the balcony, holding onto the outside of the building, responds:
Jebed: I don't care.

The Bronze Dragon bites the stallion in the right rear leg, tearing apart the muscle!
An artery has been torn, a ligament has been torn, and a motor nerve has been severed!
The Bronze Dragon latches on firmly!

//Dragging the stallion out by his leg, Jebed flings Apparel bodily into the skies of Canterlot!
The Bronze Dragon throws the stallion by the right rear leg with her teeth!

The Drakeling stands up.

Yiha: No!
//Yiha runs over the shattered glass and out onto the balcony. She is only stopped by Jebed quickly bringing up a wing, blowing Yiha backwards.
//Yiha grabs onto the great bronze wing and tries to see over it.

//The stallion crashes through a window of a tall tower of Canterlot Castle, bouncing with a crunch.
Yiha: Mother, I loved him!
//Far below, a frightened street vendor laments the loss of his cart, destroyed by falling bricks. There are claw-holes up the side of the building.
JBD: _No you didn't_, Yiha. As soon as we get you to a drakeling, you'll realize that the chemicals in your system are confusing you.
Yiha: _How can you say that_!
//Because that's how being a drakeling works? It's permanent, brainwashed slavery for anyone who ends up in her situation, unless another dragon breaks it (although that's more like painting over the picture than erasing it).
\\Don't editorialize.

//Pegasus start rising from the Castle grounds and weave through the air, like a beehive. An alarm somewhere below is sounded.
//One pegasus, in a speed suit, hovers far behind Jebed and points at her with a hoof.
EU: Fucking _Celestia_! Do you know what they're going to do to me when they find out I've been consorting with dragons?! They'll execute me!
Jebed: I don't care.
//From the tower, a fell and terrible voice radiates, shaking the very stones of Canterlot, echoing:
Pretty Loud: WHO DARES INTERRUPT OUR BEAUTY SLEEP BY THE TOSS OF A CORPSE THROUGH OUR WINDOW?!
//Jebed's pupils become very, very small.
JBD: Honey, we have to go now, Princess Luna is going to kill us.
Yiha: ...And if I want to die? Now that taken from me is--
JBD: No time!
//Jebed picks Yiha up gently with her mouth, then launches off the building, scattering bricks everywhere!
Pretty Loud: WHAT DOST THOU MEAN'ST, A DRAGON? I WILL SHOW THAT HORRID BEAST WHO RULES IN THIS DOMAIN!
//Jebed dives instantly for the ground, ignoring all the pegasi swirling around her. Ponies scream and take cover.
Pretty Loud: AND IT IS US!

\\Oh, hey, the generic sky texture is back. I think they're re-using this picture.
//Hush.
Spike: ...
Jebed: Oh, sorry, where was I?
Spike: You kind of trailed off at the end there.
T: (Princess Luna wasn't the easiest to deal with even when she had a full day of sleep. I can't imagine what they had to do to escape.)
Jebed: I took us to the sewers, where we spent three weeks hiding from the Canterlot guard until they stopped looking for us. Then, we went home.
T: (...And now I don't want to.)
Spike: Did you... did you ever--
Jebed: Find that drakeling? Yes, someone was willing to do that. He wasn't my first choice, but they weren't exactly normal circumstances.
Spike: ...Does Yiha resent you for it?
JBD: Resent... no.
//Oh. That's good.
JBD: I suspect that she hates me with all her soul. And that she will hate me forever, as long as she lives. And... I'm okay with that.
//...Holy shit. I thought I was the most broken person on the face of the planet...
//YOU ARE
JBD: I can only hope that, one day, she understands me. And I hope, though I never would wish it upon her, that she understands what I have done.
Spike: She's your daughter, Jebed. It's only reasonable that you'd do that for her, like she would do for--
JBD: No. I would do this for any, if I could find them.
//...Was it really necessary to interrupt me?
JBD: The life of a drakeling is not merely harsh. Its very design is a cruel joke played on you. The most important treasure a person could find in the world, wrapped in a packet of wet tissue paper.
Spike: I think you're underestimating us, Jebed.
T: (You were nearly defeated by buffalo.)
JBD: Compared to the evil, all that is vile, present in the world? I don't think so. Even you are nothing to overcome, against all those who lust for immortality.
//It can't be bought or crafted or designed or machined or pleaded or begged or stolen or made with magic...
JBD: And if you are attacked -- excuse me, if you are raped -- the chemical configuration of your brain changes to reward the monsters who would do such a deed. The only recompense being, of course, that if you are raped again, you may hope your new master is a slight improvement. ...Why should a player even sit down at the table if these are the rules he must abide by?
Spike: It's not as bad as murder.
JBD: I consider it worse. The mind is the last, eternal sanctuary of any living being, and to invade another's is abominable. If any creature designed our universe, it is cruel and evil for allowing this, and deserves none of our worship.
//Well, hey, I think that's getting a little blasphemous...
//GOOD FUCKING KEEP AT IT
JBD: I would die for the safety of any drakeling in this world, even its most selfish or unworthy. That is my duty. As our little ones become the new prey, it falls to the older and more powerful to protect them. And you are no different, Spike. Which is why I am glad you called me.
//Jebed falls silent for a long while. I watch clouds float by, lit orange from below by the rising sun. I don't feel like being a drakeling is that hard, but I don't have the greatest perspective on these things... maybe over her long life, Jebed found some reason to dedicate herself to the protection of those who are not as strong. Does that make her a Hero?
//Oh, yeah, speaking of rescuing drakelings from the hands of terrible monsters (who happen to be ponies), I wonder how Celel and Kezno are doing?
Spike: Jebed, did you meet two drakelings sometime? A wife and a husband?
JBD: The rebirth-mates? Yes, Dracos and Telekom arrived a little over a month ago. They passed through the Valley right before the great fire, I hear.
//Damnit, why does everyone remind me about that?
Spike: How are they?
JBD: Ah, that's right. You sent them, didn't you?
Spike: We met on the road one day.
JBD: There was much more to the story according to Kezno.
//I shrug. Wait, she can't see me.
Spike: I dunno. It was just another quest to me.
JBD: Celel is doing well, she found her place as a doctor for a private hospital. Kezno was trying to join the Forlegsandria militia, archery division.
//Was?
Spike: Uh, and he's not now?
JBD: No. He has fallen ill.
//Uh-oh. That doesn't bode well for me... it's probably the dying curse.
Spike: How ill, exactly?
JBD: Kezno has been bedridden for the last week. Celel insists it is a common disease, but she does not leave his side.
Spike: That sounds bad.
JBD: Yes. It is strange, because his immune system does not smell weak.
//Is everyone in this entire world able to do olfactory magic?
JBD: When he lost the ability to talk, I began to worry.
T: ('Swings, I could never imagine what life would be like if you lost the ability to talk.)
Spike: (Har har.)
//Hold on, Quine told me to visit Fluttershy in order to break the dying curse... if Kezno has the same thing, it's likely that this is the only way to cure him, too.
Spike: Jebed, do you know a little town in the Forlegsandria area called... called, uh, Pony...
//What was it? Darn, is this how Na-Mira feels all the time?
//STUPID? PROBABLY.
Spike: It's got 'Pony' in it?
JBD: Ponyville?
//Yeah, that one.
JBD: What about it?
Spike: Quine told me to meet someone near there.
JBD: The Keeper of the Glade?
T: (Wow, she's good.)
JBD: That would mean, this sickness is shared between you and Kezno?
Spike: (Yeah, she's good.)
JBD: I know of her, and her powers. Quine speaks of her highly.
Spike: (Of course he would, she's the Avatar of Temptation and he's a lonely old dragon.)
T: (Don't remind me.)
JBD: But I would not dare to hope for her assistance. I have spoken with her twice about Kezno's condition, knowing she could easily heal him. The mare has decided not to.
T: (Wait, hold on...)
Spike: What?!
T: (That was Jebed!)
JBD: Other solutions are needed. Unless, of course, she somehow reconsiders.
Spike: (What?)
T: (Fluttershy kicked some angry dragon's tail the other day. I just realized it was Jebed.)
Spike: (Wow...)
//The Avatars are the knights of Princess Hazel for a reason, but a pony powerful enough to thrash Jebed in a fight... and I'm trying to challenge this person?
//Jebed continues flying. In silence, she swings her tail more vigorously, mood growing worse.
Spike: Uh, Jebed?
//Growling, she responds:
JBD: Yes?
Spike: Could you take me to the Keeper of the Glade?
//In silence Jebed flies through a cloud, drenching the both of us. She rolls over once to shake the water off her wings, and I hold on for dear life.
//Eventually, a sound like far-off thunder comes from beneath me.
JBD: Your wounds need tending.
//I twist my head, and breathe dragonfire on my back to seal the wound. Jebed doesn't even flinch.
Spike: Kezno and me--
T: (Kezno and I.)
//OH MY FUCK WHO CARES
Spike: --have a dying curse. So I'll worry about my wounds when I'm not close to dying. Can you take me to the Keeper?
//The sun rises fully over Canterlot mountain, bringing in the new day. Ever so slightly, Jebed's flight direction changes to the left.
JBD: Yes. But we are quite some time from there yet.
Spike: Good.
//I cover myself in the displacement cape as best I can. I kind of wish I still had the brown cloak...
Spike: Because I could really use some sleep.
T: (Flying, what an inefficient way to travel. It's a wonder that...)
//Twilight's voice fades as fast as interest for it, and soon, I am sound asleep.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//HEY YOU KNOW THOSE DREAMS WHERE YOU'RE FALLING

The Drakeling slams into the ground!
The Drakeling's tail takes the full force of the impact, bruising the scale and bruising the muscle!

Spike: Aaaah!
//On my back, I raise my fists, ready to fight!
Jebed: Sorry, are you hurt?
//Jebed's head and neck are above me, blocking out the midday sun. To my left and right, birds chirp and sing happily in bright green forest. A winding dirt path leads behind us (I think I fell on a pebble), and to Jebed's back a pretty bridge leads to a...
\\...Is that a house? Or a hole with a door and a chicken coop?
Spike: The hell happened to this place?
JBD: It's a visual metaphor for fertility. Considering the occupant, I call it fitting.
T: (Uh, no. Fluttershy's not an idiot.)
Spike: (So, you're saying many lambs _laid_ down their lives for--)
T: (Hero, not comedian.)
//Although that type of protection would probably include a hardhat.
JBD: This is as far as I will bring you, Hero. I am not welcome here.
Spike: (The conversation really went that bad, huh?)
T: (Are you kidding? It was hilarious!)
JBD: You should keep in mind that you will be welcomed here. Possibly... far, far too much.
//...Avatar of Temptation. I'm a drakeling. Right.
\\Wait, no; I met Fluttershy before I even started being a Hero and she seemed friendly enough. Besides, I knew her before I lost my memory.
//Yeah, and you also knew Rainbow Dash. She also seemed 'friendly enough' when she didn't have a reason to fight you, but now you're a Hero charging into a mare's lair to claim treasure.
\\Uh, what?
//Come on. Is the Avatar going to consider this anything other than a challenge for the Element of Kindness? Time to power up, Hero; anything goes beyond this point.
Spike: ...Jebed?
//As she is spreading her wings, Jebed looks down at me and raises an eyebrow.
Spike: Can you pick me up here tomorrow? Uh, if I succeed? If not, I...
//Slowly, Jebed nods her head. She leaps forward, kicking up dirt behind her, and rises into the sky.

//LET'S FUCKING DO THIS
The Drakeling breathes in and focuses, casting Patatrin-Vikramana! The Drakeling's step becomes as light as a feather!
The Drakeling breathes in and focuses, casting Terrae Corpus! The Drakeling's scales become as hard as rock!
//AND NO, NOT 'LET'S DO THIS FUCKING'. DON'T REARRANGE MY WORDS TO MEAN WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO MEAN.
//Shut up.

//I walk over the bridge and approach the door.
//Remember, Fluttershy was one of the ponies who knew you before you lost your memory. But she's also an Avatar, and needs to be convinced that you're worthy of saving by communing with the Glade. Go in, and go in hard.
//YOU'RE SERIOUSLY GOING TO PHRASE IT LIKE THAT WHAT THE SHIT MAN MAKE MY JOB EASIER
//...And try to tune him out if at all possible.