Pinkamena Diane Pie paused purposefully and pondered her precarious predicament. Ahead was Ponyville. Full of ponies, ponies easily spooked or otherwise panicked. She craned her head and looked up at her hooman bean companion. He seemed nice enough for a type of vegetable that walked on two legs. Plus, he could do marvelous things with his minotaur like hands, things like stroking ears. She wondered about the other things he could do with his hands. Like baking. Or maybe scratching itchy places like that spot right next to her croup.

“Hey, before we go, can you scratch that itchy place just above my croup? It only itches when something bad is gonna happen,” Pinkie Pie requested.

“What’s a croup?” Stennulf asked.

“The section of my spine just above my dock, right in between my hips,” Pinkie explained. She felt fingers scratching and working into her pelt. “Aahh, yeah, you found it you found it!” she exclaimed as one hind leg began to kick and twitch and she wiggled her back half around to get the fingers to scratch in just the right places.

Unfortunately for Stennulf, he was oblivious and had missed the obvious warning in the words of his equine companion. He stood there scratching her, enjoying the sensation of warm flesh and soft hairs under his fingers, and the faint oinking noises that the pink pony made as she was getting scratched.

He did however, notice that the pink pony went “oink” and it disturbed him slightly. He thought about the ramifications of a pink pony that went “oink” and then reminded himself that he was in a different world, one with pudgy pink ponies, princess ponies, and dragons. Talking ponies. Perhaps he had fallen into the pool and drowned, and all of this was a DMT induced hallucination that was occurring as he died. He had been suffering a drab, dull, drudgery filled existence, so he supposed the change was nice.

The squirming pony emitted a brassy blast from under her tail. She then giggled hysterically and took off to bounce around. “It tickled!” she exclaimed as she bucked out her hind legs a few times.

Stennulf found himself laughing at the prancing pink pony.

“And Twilight says that farts aren’t funny,” Pinkie proclaimed.

“Hey, farts are funny until they have lumps in them… and then they are hilarious,” Stennulf said to Pinkie as she gamboled around him. He felt his spirits lifted a little by her boisterous behaviour and followed after her as she bounced towards Ponyville.

“Lumpy… like oatmeal? Are you crazy?” Pinkie Pie proclaimed as she lead the way, giggle-snorting as she bounded along. “Oh we are going to be the best of friends!’

The first ponies that saw them responded quite well Pinkie thought. They screamed in panic and then stampeded away, shouting about some horrible monster invading the town.

“He’s not a monster!” Pinkie Pie protested. “He’s a vegetable, a type of bean!”

Stennulf slapped his own face with his hand and let out a groan, but did not correct the pink pony. He stood there as ponies fled before him, watching them go, and feeling a little sad.

Pinkie Pie felt a wave of disappointment crash over her and several of her curls went limp. She always took it personally when somepony didn’t like her friends and she thought briefly of Maud. At least Maud wouldn’t run away. Maud was one of the most curious ponies she knew.

“Sorry Stennulf, I kinda knew that someponies would react badly, but I didn’t think all of them would run away like this,” Pinkie Pie said dejectedly, her change of demeanour quite noticeable to her companion. She felt a gentle tug on her ear and perked up slightly.

Pinkie continued forward, no longer bouncing but walking, her hooves dragging on the ground as she went.

A group of pegasi took off and Stennulf stared.

“Flying ponies?” Stennulf said in awe, still staring upwards, now frozen in place and not moving. His hands clutched together in front of him, and he wrung them fitfully.

“Pegasi,” Pinkie announced. “They’re flighty,” she said with a soft giggle.

“Uh, might be a rude question, but do they just poop everywhere like birds do?” Stennulf asked.

“Only if you scare them enough, they’ll take off and leave a little something behind!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed in return, feeling much better and laughing a little.

“Duly noted,” Stennulf replied while still staring upwards. “Flying ponies.”

“There are unicorns too,” Pinkie said.

“Unicorns, I know what those are. They have horns, right? We have stories about those in my world,” he said as he followed Pinkie further into town. He reached up and wiped his red hair from his eyes and stroked his beard, trying to smooth it down.

Pinkie Pie turned to look at Stennulf and watched him groom himself. “Nervous?” she asked in an overly chirpy voice.

The hooman bean nodded.

“You shouldn’t be, Twilight only destroys things she doesn’t like,” Pinkie Pie announced.

Stennulf gulped loudly and tried to smooth out his filthy stinking shirt. “I look atrocious,” he muttered as he followed Pinkie.

“Well, you could ditch the clothes, I mean, I am not wearing any,” Pinkie quipped. “I’m naked. She’s naked. He’s naked. You… you’re not naked.”

“I can’t run around naked!” Stennulf protested.

“Why not?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“Dangly bits!” Stennulf replied while throwing his hands up in the air in an act of exasperation. “Stuff would dangle out and be right at your eye level!”

“Is it worth looking at?” Pinkie Pie asked with a wicked grin.

“What?” Stennulf replied, feeling a surge of panic.

“Well, I work in a bakery and we put all the really good stuff at eye level so ponies will buy it,” Pinkie tittered.

Stennulf turned beet red and fell silent, ponies still fleeing all around him. The screams were quite disconcerting all things considered, and their reaction did not bode well for his time here.

“I feel bad for the panic I’m causing,” Stennulf confessed.

“Aw, don’t feel bad, I’ve cause far worse, and there was the time when Twilight cast a want it need it spell on her doll, and the whole town ended up brawling,” Pinkie confided.

“Wait, isn’t she the princess pony?” Stennulf asked and he paused mid step for a moment and scratched his head.

“Yep,” Pinkie chirped. “She sure is.”

“Those three ponies just fainted dead away, are they going to be alright?” Stennulf asked in alarm.

“Oh, those three are the flower power gang. They were assaulted by bunnies,” Pinkie explained. “They spook easy.”

“Bunnies?” Stennulf queried in confusion.

“Oh look, our mayor has gone to announce to Twilight that you are coming, she can sure run for a mare her age, look at her go,” said Pinkie as she raised a hoof over her eyes and squinted to see off in the distance. “And heeeeeere comes Twilight!” Pinkie Pie shouted.

Stennulf stared at the small purple pony called an “alicorn” according to Pinkie, and the pony known as Twilight stared up at him, her face full of kindness and curiousity. She was a little timid, but didn’t seem too afraid of him.

Stennulf sat down cross legged upon the ground. It didn’t feel right looking down at Twilight and on the ground, they were about at eye level with one another. Twilight walked in a small circle around him, examining him from all sides.

“Really, I am harmless,” Stennulf promised.

“Still, I’ve had Spike send a letter to Celestia and she is coming,” Twilight replied. “You will have to forgive the townsponies. They tend to overreact occasionally,” she added.

Stennulf plucked a small blade of grass and rolled it between his fingers, watching as his fingers turned slightly green. The grass was certainly more vibrant here. He didn’t know what to make of it.

In the distance was a buttery yellow pegasus who had said nothing so far. She had a muted pink mane and peered at the strange new creature with one eye that peered out from beneath her bangs.

Stennulf let out a yelp of surprise as a hoof touched his ribs and stroked downwards, startling him and giving him a bit of a tickle. Twilight lept away during his exclamation and stated at him with wide eyes.

“What, surprised that I am ticklish just like you?” he asked. He snatched the pink pony and trailed his fingertips over her ribs, which caused her to make a loud “SQUEE!” sound as she took off running and giggling.

“We’re not so different,” Stennulf said as he watched Pinkie Pie run in circles, her tail swishing wildly.

“Um, actually, that is pretty good proof we are different actually,” Twilight said blushing.

“How so?” Stennulf asked politely.

“Well, for you, that may have been a tickle, but for Pinkie Pie, that was more than a tickle,” Twilight said sheepishly.

“She looks tickled pink to me,” Stennulf replied with a hint of humour.

“She sure does,” Fluttershy agreed in a barely audible voice that sounded like it was very strained and more than a little shocked.

“You just gave a tickle to two central erogenous zones on Pinkie Pie, places where a stallion would rub with his forelegs during, uh, well…” Twilight’s voice tailed off as she spoke.

The realisation hit Stennulf like a ton of bricks. “So, uh, tell me Princess, any other areas I should avoid that are, uh, well, best to be avoided?” he asked.

“Well, there are the ears… we engage the ears a lot when we are in certain intimate positions. It is an act of trust not to hurt one another’s ears… and then there is the croup on a female, where a stallion’s weight rests when uh, well, you know. There are other places too… our necks are very sensitive places and much of our social interaction involves neck touching... wow, you look really red. You look really really red Stennulf, are you alright?” Twilight said, looking very embarrassed and worried at the same time.

Stennulf’s eyes shot over to the pink mare, who was bouncing around obliviously. My hands have been all over everything he thought to himself. Stennulf did not reply. He dropped the blade of grass, folded his hands, and placed them in his lap. After doing so, he remained as still as possible.

“Well, this cultural exchange has been fascinating,” Twilight announced.

Stennulf nodded but said nothing.

“You should totally ask him for an ear rub Twilight, it feels fantastic,” Pinkie Pie suggested.

Stennulf choked. “I didn’t know!” he gasped.

“Misunderstandings happen,” Twilight acknowledged, turning even more purple-urple-er as she spoke.

“It seemed like the right thing to do, I mean, they fit into my hand so well,” Stennulf pleaded. “It wasn’t like I was trying to…” his voice trailed off mid-sentence.

“Well, we don’t have hands like you and minotaurs do. We use our mouths, which makes for very intimate contact… and nobody can fault you for doing something you didn’t know,” Twilight stated. “If anything it shows you are very kind. Very generous even.”

“He sure is!” Pinkie chirped as she flopped over in the grass and rolled around. She giggled as the grass tickled her. “He generously scratched my tuchus,” she reported.

Stennulf fell over backwards and covered his face with his hands. He groaned from embarrassment.

“Kindness is universal and we cannot compare his standards and our own,” Fluttershy said in a soft sweet voice. She came forward shyly and sat down next to the prone human. “I use my feathers to stroke animals on the ears and a touch is just a touch. It seems natural to want to reach out and do that to inspire trust with a creature. Pinkie Pie is a creature. You are a creature.” She leaned down over Stennulf and touched his hands gently with her wing tips.

Stennulf pulled away his hands and looked up at the yellow face up above him. Her bangs hung down so low that they nearly touched his face. She smelled of pine scented soap and a scent he was rapidly associating with these equines, an unknown scent. Her breath smelled faintly of mint. He had no idea how horrible his own breath must have stunk.

“You remind me of Hairy,” Fluttershy said as she studied his face.

“Who is Hairy?” Stennulf replied.

“Hairy is Fluttershy’s bear friend,” Pinkie Pie answered.

“What?” Stennulf asked in disbelief.

“Fluttershy is his chiropractor,” Twilight explained.

“Huh?” Stennulf muttered in confusion.

“Chiropractic practice,” Twilight repeated. “Do you have that in your world? Bad backs and the related science of how to make them feel better?”

“Well yes, I have a somewhat bad back actually, and it has been made worse by all the hard work I’ve been… ack!” cried Stennulf as he was suddenly rolled over. Fluttershy was pressing on his back, her hooves feeling along his spine, running up and down and feeling each vertabrae.

And then, bad things happened.

Stennulf couldn’t tell what happened next exactly. He was twisted one way, and then another, and then for a brief moment, his nose nearly touched his tailbone and he had a clear view of his own backside, which was inches away from his face. And then there were terrible sounds, like somebody grabbing a handful of celery and twisting it until it broke. Then his face was jammed into the ground and he was folded in half, his buttocks almost touching the back of his head, and his feet planted flat on the ground above his shoulders. There was an awe inspiring crackle from his spine followed by a scream of surprise. There was a heavy grunt from the now fierce yellow pegasus as she twisted and folded him in impossible ways, and for a brief moment Stennulf realised that auto-fellatio was possible with the way he was folded. It was a disturbing thought.

And then, it was over and he was left laying flat on his back, gasping, looking up at the sunny skies. He felt marvelous but also very concerned about the unnatural ways he had been bent.

“You poor dear, your spine was so full of knots, I hope I helped,” Fluttershy said sweetly. “Lay still for a while, or you may die suddenly,” she gently warned, her dulcet voice so sweet and alluring.

Panic crept through Stennulf, but he was careful not to move. He drifted euphorically and felt slightly sleepy, even with his panic and his concerns about sudden death. At least his spine felt wonderful.

He took note of how much stronger the little equines were. The delicate yellow pegasus was impossibly strong, and he had no hope of ever matching her strength. A slow creeping realisation was taking place. These were vastly superiour life forms to him. Stronger, faster, and if they were to be believed, capable of magic.

Stennulf realised he was the animal here, the lesser life form. One of these creatures could take him as a pet and there was very little he could do about it. The little yellow pegasus performed chiropracty on bears and he stood no chance of resisting her.

Next Chapter: Chapter 3 Estimated time remaining: 10 Minutes