A little white lie
by Samsara
Chapters
The Accident
Once again the day started with the absolutely precious little voice of Sweetie Belle on one of her rants about cutie marks. Or lack there of it seems anyway; the poor dear obsesses over it day and night but never actually recognizes that forcing it won't make it happen. Lately she has been getting on my nerves a touch more than usual, though I couldn't bear to drop her off with Fluttershy any more. Sapphire Shores seemed to do so well on her last tour that she needed even more dresses from me, and though the boost to my business is absolutely wonderful, (dears, don't get me wrong) the work that I've been stuck with is so dreadfully stressful that even the slightest thread out of place is liable to drive me insane!
“Rarity! Can I go out to play today?” Sweetie Belle asks for what feels like the thousandth time that week.
I can only respond with a sigh, knowing the disappointment sure to follow “Sweetie Belle, I've told you a thousand times! I have far too much work to do right now so I simply just can't watch you.”
“You don't need to watch me Rarity, I can take care of myself! I'm not just a filly anymore” She retorts with her usual pouting attitude, what ever will I do about her?
“You're still too young, if anything were to happen to you I would never forgive myself; and I would be completely responsible for any... damages to life, limb, and living space that should so happen to fall into your path.”
“Aww that's not fair! You always treat me like a baby but I can take care of myself just fine!”
“Need I remind you what happened the last time you 'took care of yourself' just fine, Sweetie Belle?” And of course I cringe to remember it myself, but a certain little group of ponies just had to find out if their true calling in life was to be firemares... let's just say that there weren't any fires around and they got impatient waiting for one. Poor Lyra and Bonbon still get flowers from me every week as an apology to their once-beautiful tails.
“That wasn't my fault! Scootaloo found the magnifying glass,” Sweetie Belle nags, always nagging that one, I just can't wait until she's really old enough to take care of herself. All the while I try my best to thread a needle; the lack of sleep has been making my coordination simply awful. Finally I get the darn thread to fit when I hear something break in the background.
It's nothing, Rarity, I tell myself, it just came from next door that's all. Only to be proven wrong by that familiar voice again.
“Uhm, sister?” Nagging becomes pleading at the drop of a hat it seems, or at least the drop of a vase.
“What was that Sweetie Belle?” I ask, finishing with a sigh and laying my needle down on the table, hoping it won't come undone for some astronomically random reason while I clean up this new mess.
“No, no it's okay sis, I'll clean it up,” Oh now that's worrying, she doesn't want me to see what she's broken now.
“No that's quite alright, I don't want you handling broken glass, but you can go get me the dustpan, if you would.” I plaster a fake swathe of motivation on my face as I head out into the hallway, thinking to myself that once I get done with this order I'll actually have enough time and money to wile away at the spa or catching up on my reading. Oh luxuries, glamor, what I wouldn't give for just one weekend without work or that little brat always by my side.
I see as soon as I step into my living room that Sweetie Belle has accidentally knocked down one of the pictures of Fluttershy that I had kept after her modeling fiasco. How I did envy her, and how I still do. Such soft features, such natural beauty, such grace that some timid little pegasus from Ponyville could get a career with the Photo Finish without even trying, or wanting it for that matter. All while I slave away making dresses only to go on unappreciated, overlooked by these... these denizens. It would seem my only purpose in this world is to keep my sister from harming anybody or anything severely enough to sue me. Life would be so much easier without her...
“I'm sorry Rarity... I just wanted to get that pen off of the table, you seemed to be looking for it these past few days,” Sweetie Belle says softly, pleading for forgiveness just with the low tone of her voice. I really do forgive her too, I suppose things could be worse and at least she was trying to help; I really need to teach her how to levitate smaller objects when I get the free time. “Oh... no problem Sweetie Belle. I don't know why I hang onto this anyway, it only makes me... jealous of Fluttershy anyway.”
“Maybe you should take a break sis, you're starting to look like Berry Punch on a Friday night... all wobbly and shaky and like you just ran into a tree or somethin'” She says with the perfectly placed emphasis on her own drunken gait to demonstrate what she's seen. I can't help but crack a smile.
“I'd love to take a break but I really must get this outfit hemmed... tell you what Sweetie Belle. If you promise me to do exactly as I say I'll let you help me with the dresses. Then when I'm all done the two of us can go out and have a day just to ourselves, whatever you want to do,” I feel like I'm making a promise I'll soon regret, but I really don't spend enough time with my sister. Mother and Father would really be disappointed in me if I put work before family every day of my life, regardless of how much of a pain family is. Come to think of it why am I even considering their opinion? They were so quick to dump Sweetie Belle off on my hooves so they could pursue their dreams of becoming hermits in the woods. Ugh, such disgusting people those two were! Never cleaning the house, never wearing nice clothing, never a single moment of sophistication in their entire lives!
“Do ya mean it Sis?! Do ya do ya do ya?!” Sweetie Belle asks, breaking me from my little trance by the third 'do ya' and causing me to shake my head and smile a little.
“Of course I do, but remember to do exactly as I say, and don't get too creative... even I have to be careful and exact with these ones or I might mess something up... and the client is very picky, understand?”
“Yeah I understand Rarity. Exactly what you say, now what do you want me to do?!” She's positively brimming with excitement.
“Okay Sweetie Belle, I have a very important job for you, do you think you can handle it?”
“Of course I can! I can handle anything!” Her enthusiasm is so adorable, yet oh so worrying.
“I uhm, I need you to go upstairs and keep Opalescence away from any loose threads hanging off of tables or dresses, and away from anything frilly. That cat can ruin hours of work just by tugging on a string! Can you do that for me?”
“Sure I can, sis!”
“Good, I'll be right up as soon as I get this mess cleaned up and then you can help me even more, how does that sound?”
“Okay, Rarity! I won't touch anything else, promise!”
“Pinkie Pie swear?” I ask her with a grin, just trying to force my mood to get better, it's working.
“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” we both say in unison, giggling like little fillies as we prod ourselves in the eye at the end.
“Good, now run along, I'll get this cleaned in two shakes of your tail,” I say as I search for the dustpan that she was supposed to bring me. Of course it's hanging on its designated hook in the closet, the one thing that's where it's supposed to be in this place.
Levitating the broken glass into the dustpan isn't too difficult, it's even somewhat pretty to watch the glittering little specks flutter away into their small cave, but once more I find myself staring at the picture of Fluttershy peering timidly into the camera's eye. It seems to have fallen out of its frame and a few of the corners are folded and cut by the glass, but for the most part it appears to be intact. I sigh and fold it up with my magic, simultaneously floating the dustpan away into a lonely corner as I place the photo on the table where its frame was.
I leave my living room once that business is done and head once more toward the workspace I have set up for myself, sluggishly dragging my hooves up the stairs and almost dreading what I'm going to find on the other side of the door, but to my absolute surprise I find Sweetie Belle playing with Opalescence by dragging some string across the floor in her mouth, otherwise nothing knocked over, not a thing out of place in the entire room. Wait... string? I glance over to the table and find that the thread I had used to thread my needle is missing, though the needle itself is still on the table, only a few inches from where I left it, ugh that little... Now now, Rarity, don't lose your cool, nothing's ruined and it's just a needle, I can thread it again. With a sigh I snip a new length of thread off of the spool and painstakingly force it through the eye of the needle once more, finally able to hem the cuffs on Sapphire's new dress.
“Oh Sweetie Belle, could you come over here for just a minute? Oh and do put Opalescence outside before you do, if you please,” I call out to her, thinking maybe she could help me gather the emeralds from my collection. Sweetie Belle enthusiastically goes about her task of wrestling the poor cat out into the lobby and slamming the door shut with her hind legs, receiving a few swipes from those sharp little stilettos Opal calls claws before she manages it. I continue to hold up the pure white fabric and stitch it together while listening intently for the sound of breaking glass or wood or bones, but I only hear the pleasant rattling sound of my box of gemstones being slowly pushed along the carpet toward me. “Wonderful! Now could you pull out one of the bigger gems for me dear?”
“Of course I can sis!” She's so cute, saluting me right before flinging the chest open, unbeknownst to me the lid hits the stand that my mannequin is supported on, knocking the whole thing over. Everything seems to be in slow motion, this outfit was almost finished but now it's falling away from me. Instinctively I stomp on the stand to try and bring the mannequin back to me but I was just a little too firm in doing so; it quickly moves back and bashes me right in the muzzle. My needle and thread get sent off into the furthest corner of the boutique but I never quite let go of them with my magic. Their force is enough to tug on one of the weaker hems of the leg, ripping the fabric halfway up before sending the smaller gems that used to be fixed to the fine blue trim skittering across the ground like very expensive beetles. My hair blocks the view out of my right eye, though I can still hear Sweetie Belle yelling “I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!” over the sound of air rushing past my ears. I land with an audible thud, some of the emeralds and sapphires once fixed to the dress roll beneath me, causing the impact to be less than pleasant This was in no way aided by the mannequin pony landing straight on my ribcage. I cough a few times and catch my bearings, ears ringing and eyes taking their sweet time focusing, only to see the perpetrator of my plight standing above me, tears in her eyes and clutching her mouth with her hooves like she always does when she's nervous. I shake my head and glare up at the innocent little thing, knowing that this dress (after almost 6 hours of work) is probably ruined, and it's her fault.
“Sweetie...” I say with an obvious tinge of anger behind my voice, unable to fight the underlying anger that she can bring out in almost every single situation. Grinding my teeth just to drown out her little voice.
“Rarity I swear I didn't mean to!” she says through buried sobs, I know she's going to cry and that she really just wanted to help, but I just can't take it anymore, not today.
“Get out... NOW!” I yell, pointing my only free hoof toward the door, breathing heavily from the rising wealth of hatred for her. She hesitates to move, only inching backward on her hooves. She's shivering; I guess I've never really snapped at her like that before. “I... Said... NOW!”
That final emphasis lands home as she bolts out the door, once it closes I yell and toss the mannequin off of me, sending it a little further past its starting position. Standing up and angrily stomping about my workspace, huffing and glaring around, trying to collect the Emeralds and Sapphires laying all over the floor. Once I have most of them I simply drop them on my table and look at my damaged work; the entirety of the left front leg has been torn up the seam almost to the joint, every jewel around it was popped out and portions of the body panel had been scuffed and wrinkled from the fall. They would have to be replaced, all because I thought my little sister could be competent enough to actually help me for once.
I try to catch my breath, tearing away the sleeve and seeing if I can work out the scuffing on the body but I only succeed to some avail. I decide to hide it with a diamond pattern (repeated on the other side of course) and begin fashioning a new sleeve to sew onto the outfit. As I sew the new sleeve onto the body, being extremely careful to sew exactly the same way as the other sleeves have been I hear the doorknob behind me turn. Just that sound causes me to grind my teeth, knowing full well that it's just Sweetie Belle coming in to apologize for what she had done, even though I really don't have the time or the willpower to hear it right now.
“Uhm... Sis?” The words eek in through the door, dragging with them a tone of despair and apology, almost pleading, almost crying, or having been crying.
“What?” I reply angrily, making it fully known that I am in no mood for a single other thing to go wrong.
“I know I messed up... and 'm sorry, I understand if you don't want my help anymore,”
Her voice always has a habit of tugging on my heart strings, but for the time being my horrid temper fights against it, feeling almost as if I'm at war with my sister. If she succeeds in making me feel bad for her then she wins, she'll screw more things up, I'll miss my deadline and be humiliated. Mocked by the entire town, again... because of her. That little... thing is like a solid gold doorstop; sure she may look pretty on the outside but all she's ever been good for is halting something that's supposed to move.
I realize that everything I say in my mind takes time, that I've been standing there breathing deeply while Sweetie Belle waited for a reply.
“Sweetie I–“ I'm interrupted by the familiar feeling of fur brushing against my leg. Oh no, oh please no! I look down to see Opalescence with the thread attached to my needle sitting taut between her paws. She bites it and, giving it a firm tug, pulls it down against my magic and causes it to stick in my right ear. I can actually hear the sharp piece of metal dig right into the middle of my ear, it sounds almost like a wet bail of hay being dragged across a muddy patch of ground. I shriek both in pain and anger, looking over at Sweetie Belle with the most menacing scowl I can find in my repertoire of faces. I can't handle myself anymore, blind rage takes over, stress wins the battle for my actions as I use magic to rip the needle out of my ear. I can feel the blood trickle down over my face, watching it out of the corner of my eye as it stains my nose in a very thin stream of crimson from atop my head. I step toward Sweetie Belle, not thinking like myself, only watching as the rampaging anger from deep within holds onto my body, and eventually my voice itself.
“You... You couldn't just leave the door closed? You couldn't just go play by yourself? You couldn't just leave like I told you? Oh no of course not because that would be far too much to ask wouldn't it? I can't just get my work done, I don't even need to get it done in peace and quiet, I just need to get it done!” I shout, the volume and power behind my voice gaining each second. The poor little filly backs away slowly, leaving the door but never breaking eye contact. Her eyes are so cute when she's scared.
“S-Sis I–” She stutters out, half sobbing, half scared out of her feeble little mind.
“Shut up!” I scream at her, feeling my vocal cords actually hurt from all the shouting. “You don't get to talk right now, it's my turn to talk, every time you open your little mouth it's like Pandora's Box!” She simply backs away down the hallway, whimpering and shivering, never running from me, never hiding, only frozen in fear save the instinctive reaction to stay just out of touching distance. “You have cost me hundreds of bits just in business alone! I can't get anything done when you're here, I wish you would just... go away!” I start to feel like I actually mean all these horrible things I'm saying... looking back on every little idiotic problem I've had with Sweetie Belle; having to bail her out, having to pick her up and dust her off, having to start over on an order because she used the fabric from a dress to make something for her little friends. I watch, that's all I can do is watch, my body moves out of pure aggression, Sweetie Belle's body only responds in fear. I pick up my hoof to emphasize my point “I wish you would just go away... forever!” and I bring the hoof down. The feeling of my arm colliding against her cheek is one I don't think I will ever forget, nor will I forget the sound. She squeaks a little, not screaming, but releasing a kind of loud whimper as she stumbles away from the source of the pain. I feel her tears on my wrist, and I watch her little body sidestep uncontrollably toward... oh no, the stairs! Suddenly my rage disappears, I try to catch her but I'm too late, her hoof tries to step sideways and catch herself but ends up going down into nothingness. Her balance gives way and the small unicorn... my sister... tumbles down the stairs sideways, hitting what seems to me like every single step before coming to an abrupt and violent impact at the bottom.
I can't move, I can't even break my eyes away from my hoof, or from the rail on the staircase. I shake my head just to force my own control back into my body as I run down to greet the sobbing pony, picking her head up in my hoof. Her eyes are closed but she's conscious, sobbing quietly and shivering a little bit.
“Sweetie! Sweetie I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to do that I swear! Sweetie please say something!”
“S-S-Siss?” she manages to squeak out of a shaking and sobbing voice, tears streaming down her bruised cheek.
“Yes, Yes! Sweetie Belle I'm here, Rarity's here, everything's okay!”
“N-No it's n-no-not... I can't... I can't feel my legs...” This rips my heart into pieces... what have I done? What in Equestria have I done?! I... I hurt her... I broke her... her life is ruined... I can't think, I can't move, I can only shiver and sit atop my haunches, almost falling backward from the very impact of her statement. My vision blurs as tears well up in my eyes, my voice shudders as I try in vain to comfort the little pony whose life I've ruined, and for what? A stupid dress? For some spoiled self-proclaimed superstar who can't go anywhere unless she can see her own reflection in a massive diamond?
The little unicorn in my arms starts to panic a little, screaming both in agony and fear, the poor dear, oh Celestia what did I do? What do i do? What can I do? I can't bring her to nurse Redheart or I'll be thrown in a dungeon, but I can't just leave her here or she'll d... d-die. It takes me a second just to say that word in my head. I can't even think of life without Sweetie Belle, no matter how many times I've wished it... She's a part of my life, nuisance that she is... was... She'll never bother me again... Oh no, no no no, I can't, I couldn't think of it!
“R-Raaaarity!” She yells out, following her agonized plea with a loud wail. Sobbing and barely moving her shoulders, it seems her front legs are paralyzed as well, oh no...
“Shhhh Sweetie Belle, shh, I'm right here... Rarity's going to make it all better, just... just close your eyes... please... just close your eyes,” She obeys me, she trusts me, after all I've done she actually trusts me... I can't help her, I can't fix her... but I guess I can end it, she doesn't have to suffer... “Shhhhh, good job Sweetie, you're so brave, just stay right there, I'm going to get some...” I pause and gulp, trying to hide my own tears, “some medicine, just stay right there, I'll have you feeling better in no time at all!”
Forcing enthusiasm never sounded quite so fake. She continued her stifled sobbing as I ran to the closet with the dustpan sitting in the corner. Out of the corner of my eye I kept getting a small twinkle from the glass. The light caught it just right as the sun was going down out the window. My sister, just like the broken picture frame, once housed something beautiful, but is now shattered and being thrown out with the trash...
I shook my head, cooing calmly to myself as tears streamed along my face, trying to catch my breath and hold onto it “Ohh Rarity you've done it now... she'll be fine, just fine... she can't go to the hospital like this... they'll only give her a small chance to live anyhow, and even if she does her neck is broken... her neck is broken, she can't move any of her legs, she won't be able to do anything at all for the rest of her life... she won't be able to run with her friends, enjoy a sunny day, she won't be able to live... it's best to put her out of her misery now than make her watch as the world passes her by... and it's all... my... fault,” I couldn't help but sob to myself as I reached into the back of the closet, pulling out the seldom-used bottle of rat poison from its hiding spot in the furthest corner of the highest shelf. Opal kept the rats away well enough, and Fluttershy didn't approve of having this around at all when she found out, but somehow I couldn't bring myself to throw it away... I guess this is the only time I'll ever need to use it... unless... I shook my head “No Rarity you can't do that... your friends would notice you were gone, they'd find you and your sister dead... no you need to cover this up, you can hide it... she ran away, she's missing, that's all... she'll be just fine!” I tried to hide my true feelings behind a quivering and false smile, a fight that took all of my focus as I magically removed two tablets of the poison from their bottle.
Immediately I have the idea to get Sweetie Belle a small glass of chocolate milk, she loves chocolate milk and it's only fitting that I give her... something that she likes to make up for this... The tablets disappear easily in the thick brown liquid, but I still make sure they're dissolved and crushed up so that it's easier for the poor thing to drink. I hurry back to my sister only to find her wallowing on the ground in obvious pain, sobbing and whimpering, laying in a steadily growing puddle of her own tears, even gasping for air... it seems she can't even breathe, oh Celestia... help me.
I walk slowly up to my sister, cringing at the sight of her horrified and miserable countenance, almost unable to take it in without my heart feeling like it's going to stop.
“There there Sweetie Belle, everything's going to be okay,” I say softly trying to calm her down. I sit right next to her and levitate her into my lap very carefully, trying my best not to cause her anymore pain, keeping her upright so I can give her the glass of chocolate milk. “Drink up, chocolate milk always cheers you up doesn't it?”
Sweetie Belle looks up at me with a very gentile nod, straining her fractured neck just to get a glimpse of my face as I try to soften it up for her. She seems to say “thank you” without even moving her mouth. I can't help but shake, and fight back the upcoming torrent of tears, so I lower the glass to her lips; whereupon she lightly sips at it, unable to taste the vile poison inside.
It takes her a few minutes, but after she has finished the glass she simply lays her head in my lap, sobbing quietly as I stroke her hair. She's clearly losing herself now; looking sleepy and relaxed, almost like she just doesn't care anymore... I can see in her eyes that she's going to die soon.
“Sweetie Belle... you know I love you don't you?” I ask, barely choking back my emotions from this horrible day.
“I l-love you too R-Rar-Raahh,” She struggles to get the words out, twitching a little bit in my hooves. I simply lean down to kiss her neck, trying to make the booboo all better... All I can do is nuzzle my sister as she dies slowly in my arms.
After a few final twitches I look into her face; apart from a tiny bit of foam at the mouth and the glassy pupils she just looks relaxed and sleepy. I use my hooves to close her eyes for her and pick her up, no movement. I rest my head against her side to see if I can hear a heartbeat; nothing.
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Sapphire Shores isn't going to get her dresses on time... at least not all of them... it has been three hours since I... killed my sister, and I haven't let her go since. I can't even remember the passage of time very clearly. I sit now with her lifeless body in my arms, holding her like a newborn foal like I used to when we were both younger, watching her life flash through my eyes... every single day I spent with her, every good time we shared together... until she moved in with me, and then nothing but my horrible treatment... my neglect, my denial to her. At least she won't have to ever hurt again, but I will have to live with it for the rest of my life, and I deserve every second of it.
I force myself to get up, feeling almost like I've broken my own neck after having craned it to cry over her these past few hours. I bring my lifeless sister along with me via my magic, keeping her curled up in her adorable position. At this point I can only think of her like a doll, I know I've lost something dear to me, but she just looks like she's sleeping... just sleeping. I look out the back door to the Carousel Boutique and see nobody approaching. It's unlikely anyone will be out at this time of day, the sun is already just barely on the edge of the horizon, I can bury Sweetie Belle in a few hours, maybe I'll do it by the big oak tree just a little way out back that she always used to love to play around, or maybe in the garden. Yeah, the garden, she loved flowers.
I try to eat but I'm not hungry in the slightest. As a matter of fact I've been feeling sick ever since I saw the life fade from Sweetie Belle's eyes; and around dinner time it finally gets to me, forcing me to run to the bathroom and empty my stomach. I look in the mirror on my way out, unable to recognize the unicorn looking back at me. All I can see is the wretched countenance of a murderer: a purple haired killer with blood stains on her face and a pair of bloodshot eyes like she's seen a thousand images of death and destruction burned into her mind. Is this me? Is this my rage? What took over and killed Sweetie Belle?
“No... I killed her...” I find myself speaking out loud... great now I'm going crazy... At least my hair looks like I've been going crazy, the curls have all flown out of it. It's a disgusting rat's nest now, just a purple tornado flowing down over my head willy-nilly as it pleases.
“Calm down Rarity, everything will be okay... she's fine now, she's just fine...” I say to myself as I try to brush my hair back into its usual form, twitching from time to time just out of habit from a forced back sob. “Everything's just fine, everything's always just fine... you're a beautiful pony, you have a beautiful heart, a strong heart... Sweetie Belle wouldn't have been happy if she had to live like that... Sweetie Belle is in a better place...” I don't even notice how my head had tilted from the brushing until I feel the muscles strain in place, realizing that I've brushed my hair so much that it's probably damaged.
I drop the brush right back where I found it, deciding on the spot to clean up the shop a little until midnight... well, maybe “a little” isn't doing justice to what I have in mind. My clock strikes midnight almost before I even notice it; I've been in such a trance that I managed to clean, dust, organize, and put away every single little thing that seemed out of place in the Boutique, even Sweetie Belle is laying peacefully in her bed. It's way past her bedtime anyway, but I figure since she's there I should at least read her a bedtime story to help her sleep, it sure seems to be a rather windy night... and she never did like the wind.
I read her favorite book for her, sitting in a small chair just inches from her bed. She loves this part where the princess finds true love with the beggar, she loves everything about this story: the beautiful pictures, the inner perfection even for those with outer ugliness, and of course vice versa. She loves the happy ending, she loves the imagery of the pretty wedding day... She loves the happy lives of the happy couple. I look down at my placid sister, realizing that she'll never find love for herself now...
“Goodnight Sweetie Belle,” I say just before I kiss her forehead, brushing her hair out of her eyes and giving her a smile. She doesn't respond, no matter how much I want her to, no matter how hard I hope, pray, wish, beg for her to respond she doesn't... Only looking back at me through her closed, dead eyes.
I sigh and start to well up a little, knowing all this crying couldn't be good for my complexion, but just letting the tears flow anyhow; this isn't about me anymore. I wrap her up in the blanket from her bed and float her just ahead of me, stepping out back and glancing around for anypony else before I reach for the small gardening shovel I keep just inside the door. She deserves a nice burial, perhaps I'll even plant some roses right on top of her grave, just so that she has a chance to grow into a beautiful flower even after her life is over. As I dig, the only thing I can bring myself to do is to gently sing to her, knowing this is goodnight... forever.
“Hush now, quiet now it's time to lay your sleepy head... Hush now, quiet now it's time to go to bed. Drifting off to sleep, leave the exciting day behind you... Drifting off to sleep, let the joy of dream land find you..."
I match my digging to the rhythm, and after at least an hour and a half of solemn work, repeating the song over and over, the grave is finished. I lift her up off the ground, still wrapped in her blanket and lower her into the hole.
"Looks like I'm the one who messed up and broke something this time... I just really wish..." my train of speaking is broken by a loud sniffle, followed by an inundation of tears, "I just wish it wasn't the most important thing in my whole world!"
Exacerbation
Life is such a fragile thing; brilliant and pure, but so easy to break. My sister rests peacefully under the loose soil in my back yard; never stirring, never crying, never laughing. I sit in the corner of my workspace, staring out at everything I've 'accomplished' in my career: dresses, coats, gowns, suits, outfits, beautifully crafted and encrusted with gems, but so pointless. I've stopped trying to fight the bizarre things that my emotions have been making me do; right now I find slight comfort in just sitting here, holding my tail in my lap and stroking it. The sun is coming up outside, I don't want to see the light of day anymore. I haven't slept a wink, however in Equestria could i have slept? Even if I could I can't imagine the nightmares...
My mane and tail have completely lost their form after this incident. They simply sprawl out over my body with no discipline or care; I must look hideous. Well... I am hideous; what I've done, what I'm doing now... every single little thing about me is ugly. I just want this to be a dream, I want all of this to just go away. I would give anything in the world to just wake up in my bed, and give my sister that one day of fun that i promised her.
The sound of tears impacting my hooves is the only thing that breaks me away from this train of thought. Somehow it just seems to get louder and louder. Further away even? Maybe I really am going crazy. Maybe I'm losing my mind and now my senses won't even keep themselves in order. Just as well, a disheveled wreck like me doesn't deserve equanimity... I deserve nothing. Choking back the tears helps a little, but the pounding won't stop. It seems to have breaks in it, but what could it be? Is there construction or‒
"Oh no!" I panic as I recognize the sound as a familiar pounding on my front door. Maybe someone saw me last night, or maybe somebody knows. What if it's Celestia's guards coming to arrest me? She could know couldn't she? Oh no, oh no no no this can't be happening. I look out my window to see if I can catch a glimpse of who wants my attention but I can't quite see to the door. Maybe it's for the best... if I get thrown in a dungeon at least it'll be justice served.
In my moment of silent self pity I remember what I was supposed to be doing today... It's my turn to watch the fillies during their little Cutie Mark Crusaders game today. My heart shatters once more; by now it must just be a coating of fine pink dust on the inside of my empty chest. How can I explain this? How can I get out of this? What in Equestria do I tell them? Will they worry when they see what I look like? My hooves are dirty; cold soil from the grave. My face still has that bloodstain on it, but I can't just 'not be home' this morning... I made a promise! I have to think quick... I need to tell them something.
In a fit of desperation I simply walk toward the foyer, ready to face their judging eyes. They're getting impatient now; I can hear their little hooves banging on the door, and voices every now and then yelling in through the window:
"Miss Rarity! Sweetie Belle! You're home right?" That one sounds like Apple Bloom, and I suppose it's only a matter of time before they become Cutie Mark Crusaders: Search and Rescue and end up kicking it in, so I guess I'll have to respond.
I squeak out a little bit, having to shake my head and utilize my hoarse-from-sobbing-all-night voice "J-Just a second!"
Just looking at the staircase makes me sick, I just can't deal with this, I can't deal with them... I can't send them home, what can I do? I feel so sick... I feel sick! Of course! I quickly tear away one of the curtains lining my window and wrap myself up in it. I use this new bit of fabric to try in vain to wipe the blood off of my muzzle. Grabbing the ice pack out of the pantry on my way downstairs to give the look that last touch, I take a few deep breaths and open the door to see too concerned little ponies standing all alone on my porch.
"Hi Miss Rarity! Wow you don't look so good, are you feeling okay?" Apple Bloom asks me with an adorable tilt of the head.
"Oh, sweetheart, I haven't felt worse in my entire life," I say, accessing my inner drama queen and providing a fake cough to emphasize this. At least I didn't lie to them.
"Aww, is Sweetie Belle sick too?" Scootaloo asks, reminding me of my sister's... condition and causing me to flinch. They picked up on the body language unfortunately so I just had to keep it going.
"Yes, yes she's sick too, and she's still s-sleeping right now," I have to stifle some tears just at the word, she's just sleeping... she's just sleeping.
"Well maybe we can make her feel better!" Apple Bloom yells with her usual enthusiasm.
"NO! Ahem... no, no you can't come in here or you'll get sick too... I don't want you to catch what she's got..." I plea and plea in my mind for them to leave, they can't be here, they just can't be.
"Aww, but we could be..." Scootaloo begins... oh no here it comes. "Cutie Mark Crusader: Bedside Nurses!" They finish up in unison. Normally I would be taken aback by a kind of annoyed charm... but this is far from normal, these two are venturing into places they really shouldn't. Literally... The second I finish that thought both of them rush into my home and up my stairs. Apple Bloom stumbles a little and I nearly collapse under the weight of that painful memory cue.
"Please girls, don't go up there!" I call after them, trotting behind and tripping over almost anything raised on my floor. My motor coordination is slowly circling the drain after so much stress and strain, I can't concentrate on anything but keeping them out of Sweetie Belle's room. Too late, of course.
"Miss Rarity! Sweetie Belle isn't in here!" I hear from the door. As I approach the top of the stairs I can feel myself slowing down, shivering a little bit, knowing that I've been found out. "Maybe she's hiding!" The other voice says, muffled by the distance but still echoing through the hall. Slowly, ever so slowly I walk toward them, thinking about what to do.
"Is she under the bed Scootaloo?" I hear Apple Bloom call out, some things get knocked over in the background.
"Nope, how about the closet?" Follows suit, a small toy, or some other thing falls onto the floor and squeaks a little, Applebloom's voice is muffled by the increased distance.
Soon the whole world around me seems to close in, darkening under the mental strain. I have a horrible headache and the walls feel like they're getting closer and closer every step I take. Sounds coming from the room seem to get further away, regardless of how close I step toward the door, and the lavender paint on my walls melts away into a dark, black void. I look inside the room to see Scootaloo and Apple Bloom looking behind Sweetie Belle's old bookcase, under her bed again, inside drawers, under piles of clothing... everywhere for their lost friend.
A little voice in my head tells me to shut the door behind me as I step inside, so I do, latching it softly with a gentile click and trying not to disturb the two diligent workers.
'They know,' Says the voice; it only takes me a second to realize that it's my voice speaking to me. 'They know she's not here, they'll tell others, they'll bring back help,' I sound sinister... this can't possibly be me... can it? 'You can't let them do that, Rarity. What would happen to your business? What would happen to you? Sweetie Belle wouldn't want you to rot away in a dungeon for the rest of your life.
'Shut up!' I yell back to the voice, feeling my tongue move along to the words even though I try to keep my mouth shut and silent. Wonderful, I'm actually arguing with myself now...
"Hey Apple Bloom! Lookie here, I found a clue!" Scootaloo seems to want to be a Cutie Mark Detective now after finding the bedtime storybook I had inadvertently left askew in the bookcase.
'It won't be long now, Rarity... What do you think would happen if they went out into your garden for some reason?
'Shut up! I said SHUT UP'
'All that loose soil, the shovel... they'll dig her up... they'll know it was you, Now I'm crying... surprised that I even have that much water in my body... I look through blurry eyes at the two cute little ponies wandering around the empty bedroom playing detective and simply mouth, "no."
'Do it, Rarity, The voice says, commanding me, but commanding me to do what?
"N-n-no..." I whisper in response... seeming to know more than I think I do.
'They'll find her, Rarity, they'll find YOU if you don't do it!'
"I... I... I ca-an't," I whimper, noticing my voice starting to gain volume... the fillies didn't hear me, thank Celestia.
'You already did!' This feels like a knife straight to my gut... I retch and scream, knowing that the voice is right... that I'm a murderer, looking into the now frightened eyes of the two little fillies in Sweetie Belle's room, having backed up to the wall during the whole argument.
"Do you girls want to go see Sweetie Belle?" I ask them, feeling all thoughts, all emotions, all feeling drain from behind my eyes... it feels like my very soul is being sucked into the void in my chest. I know what it is that I'm planning, but I can't even tell what's right and wrong anymore.
"B-B-But I thought you said you didn't know where‒" Apple Bloom tries to interject.
"Oh I know exactly where she is, just turn around and look out the window and you can see her, I was just playing a little joke on you that's all," I say with a twitch in my eye, looking at the fragile glass of the window just out of reach of the ponies. I take a few steps forward until my knees just barely touch the bed.
Scootaloo and Apple Bloom hop up on the bed, placing their front hooves on the nightstand so they can peer out the window, getting a grand view of the garden where Sweetie Belle is currently buried, and the winding, green forest behind it.
"Miss Rarity, we don't see her... is she in the woods?" Apple Bloom asks me, never taking her eyes away from the view.
"Oh darling no, she's not in the woods, just lean back and relax and I'll show you," I say, laughing a little at my own cleverness... something is seriously wrong with me.
"Lean back and relax? Is this like a surprise?" Scootaloo asks as they both turn to look at me, seeing that I've gotten closer to the bed.
"Yup, both of you lay down on the bed and keep your eyes shut, I think you'll be very surprised," I say with one more twitch, my neck muscles keep contracting, as if trying to tell me how horrible this is. I don't know what I'm doing anymore, but It's necessary; the voice was right. I'm a killer, and they would find me out, so I may as well live up to my reputation.
I use my magic to levitate the pillows away from the back of the bed, thinking for just one moment as I stare into their cute little faces. They sit there, eyes covered by their hooves, patiently waiting for their 'surprise'... oh who am I to hold out on them? I focus as best I can and wrap the remaining sheet over their bodies, forcing them to lie still. They immediately begin to yell, though not seriously... they must think it's a game. That's it girls, it's just a game, no need to be scared. Tears stream down my face as I hold the pillows to each of their faces, listening to their muffled cries and thrashing beneath the sheet, unable to move or even yell for help. Scootaloo goes limp before Apple Bloom does, that little pony always was a fighter.
I know my face doesn't quite show my true emotions... I feel almost liberated, accomplished even, for having dealt with this little problem. I know that I'm grinning, even though the corners of my mouth keep trying to pull themselves into a wailing sob. Apple Bloom's final pleading whines from behind the pillow soon fade as she joins Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle in their eternal sleep.
I toss the pillows aside and step up to the peaceful looking ponies; Scootaloo is dead, not even a single shudder in her throat, but Apple Bloom is still alive. I tilt my head and stroke her mane, gently toying with the beautiful red bow on her head. She certainly is adorable, though Scootaloo could go for a few pointers on manestyling. I decide to undo the bow and let Applebloom's hair fall down, picking her up a little so that she's sitting on her haunches, very slowly regaining consciousness. I know she's waking up due to the whimpering cough she produces, unable to figure out where she is at the moment.
"It's time to go to sleep, Apple Bloom," I coo softly, wrapping the thin strip of fabric around my hooves and positioning myself behind the scared little filly. She turns to look at me with her big, frightened eyes, still coughing and gasping for air, but I simply shut my eyes and quiver. That face, so innocent and so sweet, tugs at what's left of my shattered heart. I wrap the ribbon around Apple Bloom's neck, pulling her off the bed and using all of my strength to hold her hooves off of the ground. I can't look down at her or to Scootaloo... I'm a monster... a horrible, horrible monster.
Applebloom doesn't fight quite as hard this time, struggling to wriggle free of the makeshift noose, but ultimately unable. Her hooves seem clung to the fabric around her neck as she squeaks and coughs, gasping for air over and over again, but unable to draw a breath. I feel her whole body twitch as she passes out from lack of air. It's all I can do to hold her still body there for the minute or so afterward to be sure she's gone. I lay her down on the bed next to Scootaloo and listen to their heartbeats, nothing. Apple Bloom's countenance retains the horrors of strangulation, so I close her eyes and relax her face for her. Such sweet little girls, just sleeping, just like Sweetie Belle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My face has been twitching off and on for a few hours now, my muscles are killing me and my mane is absolutely dreadful! It's an awful lot of work, but at the moment I'm just getting done tidying up Sweetie Belle's room, the girls left it such a mess. They're waiting quietly for me in the basement, just having a little slumber party... they're all so cute, and so quiet lately! I wonder what they'd like for dinner...
I hum a gentile tune to myself as I regain my composure and trot down toward the basement, passing a mirror on my way and catching a glimpse of myself.
"Tch, oh no no no, Rarity this won't do at all!" I say, talking to my ragged reflection and levitating my purple hairbrush over. "You're a mess! Clean yourself up won't you darling? What kind of example are you setting for the girls?" I continue humming softly to myself, brushing out all of the tangles from my mane and even going so far as to toss in the odd compliment. I make sure to wash those stubborn blood stains out of my coat, doesn't take too long in some frigid water, uncomfortable as it is. And finally I magically reach for my curlers, looking at my mane flowing straight down my back. I stand there for a minute or so, admiring the casual look. Setting the curlers down I step backward, tilting my head side to side, watching the wavy purple locks as they hang naturally down my body... I had no idea how beautiful I could look without putting this Mane up in its usual style... Maybe I'll keep it!
The upbeat Winter-Wrap-Up tune is positively stuck in my mind as I trot down the stairs to see the fillies. I hum the happy little tune as I dust off the hoof-rail on the stairs leading down into the dimly lit basement. Scootaloo sits up against a pile of old boxes , eyes shut tightly and mouth hanging open just a little. Apple Bloom seems to have already laid down for bed, the poor dear, unable to hold herself up with anything short of a prop! Sweetie Belle could really use a bath after playing in the dirt for so long, but I decided to let this one slide since she seemed to be having so much fun with her friends.
"Hello girls! Don't mind me, I just decided to check on you three and ask you what you would like for supper? It's getting late and I figured the Cutie Mark Crusaders wouldn't want to go to bed hungry!" No answer, such good, quiet little girls they were. "Hmm, am I wrong Sweetie Belle? I can usually tell when you three start to get hungry, ahahaha!" I plaster on a fake smile after that horrible fake laugh, wishing for Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, even Scootaloo to answer with a chuckle of their own, but nothing comes from the lifeless fillies. I look over to Apple Bloom and ask her if she would like some apple pie; I've been meaning to try out the recipe that Applejack had lent me. But her crushed windpipe and lockjaw didn't seem to be enabling her to talk very much. "What about you Scootaloo? What do you usually like to eat for dinner?" The small pegasus just sits perfectly still, hair a complete mess. "Oh you poor dear, you still have bed-mane! Well it just so happens that I have a hairbrush right here for you," I continue trying to smile, feeling my mouth quiver and droop as my conscience starts to claw its way through the emotional wall I've built up. I brush the dead pony's mane down, smoothing it out and making it nice and even, not styling it too much, and certainly not making it too girly. I know Scootaloo wouldn't want to look too feminine; she's so much like Rainbow Dash in every single way.
I decide to look back over to Sweetie Belle one more time, digging her up wasn't the most pleasant thing I've ever done, but I did promise Scootaloo and Apple Bloom that they'd get to see her tonight.
"Sweetie Belle, it's almost dinner time and you're filthy! Here, let me see if I can help any..." I glance around the room, still talking and cooing to my sister, noticing a little pink towel laying over one of the boxes. I tug it over with my magic and accidentally knock the top box off along with it. I disregard the mess and get right to work cleaning some of the dirt off of Sweetie Belle's coat. She had still been wrapped up in the blanket when I buried her so she wasn't too dirty, but the odd bit of moist soil still managed to leave a spot. While I scrub her rigor-mortise stiffened cheek with the towel, gently humming a tune of my own invention, I can't help but notice the distinctive sight of some of Sweetie Belle's toys. Evidently they fell out of the box I knocked over, and among them was the hand-stitched teddy bear that she brought along with her after mother and father decided she should move in with me. I remember how she would never let that thing go for the longest time, always keeping it with her regardless of how dirty it became... I got sick of it, I washed it one day and while it was drying I told her it must have gotten lost. I was so careless that I forgot about it entirely and packed it away with the clothes that didn't fit her anymore...
"Well well, Sweetie... look what we have here..." I coo softly, trying to keep up my happy and comfortable facade, even as my will weakens and crumbles under the weight of my own self-hatred. "It's Tay-tay, your bear! And he's g-good as new," Tears are welling behind my eyes, Sweetie Belle loved this bear and I just took it away from her. "H-here you go Sweetie... everything's ju-just as it sh-sh-should be..." I say, whimpering to myself and letting the tears pour down my cheeks. I can't fight it anymore, I can only place the bear under her arm and cuddle it up against her body.
"Just a-as it sh-should b-be..." I sit on my haunches and bury my face in my hooves. Once more I break down, curling up in the fetal position and crying; crying harder than I ever have. Years of emotions flood back into me, it's only been a day or so since Sweetie Belle was killed... but it feels like half my life was ripped out of me. All because of one stupid mistake... and now... now I killed her friends! Oh Celestia I killed her friends! What am I? What... what what what... I just sit there wailing, mouthing out "what, what, what" in between breaths and sobs, trying to rock myself, comfort myself. Sleep deprivation has been catching up, and now all this...
"You're a pretty pony Rarity, a very pretty pony..." I say to myself, shaking under the fear and sadness coursing through my veins. I slowly rock back and forth, laying on my side and stroking my tail with my hooves. "I'm a pretty pony, a pretty pony... Pretty, pretty pony... Nopony's as pretty as me... hah... hahaha!" I can't help but burst out laughing, rolling onto my back and balancing there, laughing as hard as I can until my ribs feel like they're going to burst.
"Nopony is as pretty as me! ahahahaha!"
The Consequences
Here I sleep in silent bliss, not dreaming, not listening, but only existing in nothingness. I hold my tail close to me, instinctively grabbing onto something to cuddle; I need the comfort. As my eyes gently flutter open I have no clue where I am, only the flickering, dim light of a dying candle teases at my lashes. I take a deep breath, picking up a horrid smell of death and the awful feeling of having slept curled up on a cement floor. My eyes pop open and I take in my surroundings: My musty basement, the now burnt out candle leaving a small trail of smoke only visible due to the ray of sunlight sliding in through the window. That one single ray casts its light on the faces of the three corpses in the room. Their sight leaves me aghast, I can remember very clearly what I did to bring them here, even the distinct sounds of Apple Bloom and Scootaloo as they suffocated. I remember the look in Sweetie Belle's eyes as she died in my arms; I remember what I was doing down here. But none of it seems real, none of it seems like myself. I don't believe I could have done anything so horrible... but my mind's eye shows my hooves giving Sweetie Belle the poisoned chocolate milk, smothering Scootaloo and hanging Apple Bloom with her own bow. I look down at those very hooves; twitching and white, freshly washed for dinner. I haven't actually eaten anything in well over a day and a half, but I am certainly not hungry. I sit stunned in my little corner, staring out quivering over the three ponies in their sadistic tea-party setup. I would probably vomit if I had anything left in me...
After an undetermined length of time I start to realize that the sunlight had gone from the ponies' faces to their whole bodies, lighting them up for me to see, though I plead it not to. I can watch it move across the floor, moving toward me, pointing at me, judging me, condemning me for this atrocity. Weakly I stand up and stumble up the stairs; my muscles are stiff and my will is weak. I fall out of the door frame leading into my boutique and immediately close the door behind me. Sitting on the floor with my head against the door the only thing I can bring myself to do is to cry. I finally feel like I can lose myself in my emotions, finally able to let them go without something tearing at me inside to bottle them up, to pretend everything is okay. Nothing is okay... Nothing will be okay ever again.
I sit alone, clutching myself and shivering, hearing almost every insignificant noise in the background, noises I haven't ever heard before. Ticking of a clock, the carefree scratching of Opal on my couch, the wind-chimes outside of the Boutique, the hoofsteps leading up to the door... Wait...
Sure enough, to my chagrin, a gentile knock impacts my front door. I feel paralyzed in fear, staring straight ahead as another set of three knocks follows by. I stand up, forcing myself to get the door, knowing that I've sealed my own fate now and nothing can change how this will end... It would do good to own up to the truth...
The walk from my crying spot to the doorway feels like a mile; I have to figure that this is what walking down the isle to your execution must feel like. I slowly rest my hoof on the door, magic would take just too much out of me to open it. After one final deep breath I muster up the courage to turn the handle and open it. I see the familiar, long, pink mane of Fluttershy; I had opened the door on her mid-knock.
"Oh, hello Rarity, I'm here to pick up the girls and walk them home," She says timidly, glancing over me with an obviously worried curiosity. "Is uhm, is everything okay?"
"Oh you mean the hair... Yes uh, the girls are just... driving me crazy, that's all," I finish up with a nervous laugh... of course she would be here to pick them up and bring them all home... she's the only pony nice enough to. Well, now what? What do I tell her? "Fluttershy, darling, could I have a word with you for a minute before I go... get the girls?" This last portion fills me with dread to say... I can't confess to Fluttershy, she'll be too traumatized to even talk afterward. I would need someone... stronger. "The girls are all still sleeping, I just think it's been a little while since we've had a quality talk, don't you?"
"Oh, uhm, I guess that's true... I, uhm, I just told Applejack that I'd have Apple Bloom back as soon as possible and..." She's just so innocent... not a single hardship has ever touched her face, or those eyes... she reminds me far too much of the girls.
"It's okay Fluttershy I don't think she'll mind if you take five minutes to talk to your best friend,"
"Well... if you insist,"
I lead the canary-yellow mare into the living portion of my Boutique, finally regaining my composure long enough to put some water into a tea kettle and set it on the stove. "So how have the animals been treating you lately?" I ask, stepping back over to sit across from her and have a nice little chat.
"Well... Angel still won't eat unless I sit there and beg him to. And..." I lose my concentration in her soft voice, she simply talks about all her little animal friends, the only thing in Equestria that you can get her to talk to excess about. She really is beautiful, but just so shy and timid. If I looked anything like her I'd flaunt it everyplace I went, but instead she just hides it all away behind those pretty eyes.
Fluttershy has always been there for me when I needed her, even though she usually needed me more often than the other way around. The only troubles she ever has are the tragic loss of a mouse or bird. The last time that happened she cried on my shoulder for hours, which was a strangely rare occurrence. I can only imagine what would happen if she saw what I've been seeing... I shake my head, knowing full well where this is going. Strangely, though, I can't help myself but find an anger at the pegasus start to rise inside of me. I start to grind my teeth as she talks; I'm jealous, annoyed, and angry with her. She's so perfect, she's so nice, nobody's good enough for her, and every one of us in Ponyville can't hold a candle to her sensitivity.
"So Fluttershy, how do you think you would feel if something happened to your good friend Rarity?" I ask her, knowing she's going to miss my inert aggression behind the words.
"What? What do you mean? What's going to happen?" She asks, looking confused... I cut her off mid-sentence but she was just rambling about her chickens anyhow.
"Well... say I had to go away for a little while... or perhaps forever. How do you think you'd be able to handle it? I only ask because you break down at the loss even of a mouse. I'm just curious how you'd be able to deal with one of your friends."
"Oh my! I'd be just... just..."
"Devastated?" At this point I just want to lead her into a verbal trap... I know what I have in mind but I don't want to accept it.
"Yeah... I guess that's the word... Uhm, Rarity? You never said what was going to happen..."
"Oh darling don't worry your pretty little head, I'm just being hypothetical here... ooh! the tea is ready, I'll be right back" Saved by the bell... ehm, whistle.
"Okay, I'll be here... gosh it sure is quiet here,"
"Oh isn't it just? I love to get up early because it's the only time I ever get peace and quiet from the girls," I pour out the tea into cups for Fluttershy and me, seeing the bottle of sleeping pills I had gotten into the habit of using just a few weeks ago still sitting on my counter... "One lump or two dear?" I ask her as I quietly open the bottle, pouring 4 pills out onto the counter and proceeding to crush them up, covering the noise with a forced cough.
"Oh, 2 if you don't mind," She says softly, barely even paying attention to me, but instead looking around my living area. Seemingly distracted by how clean and perfectly organized I've made it.
"Ah you've always liked your tea just as sweet as you are haven't you?" I just figure she'll be more trusting if I tease her a little bit... She giggles and blushes at the comment, hiding her face long enough for me to sweep the crushed pills into her drink, followed by the sugar cubes. I walk slowly back toward my house guest and hand her the rigged tea, now it's only a matter of stalling until the pills kick in.
Fluttershy and I rarely get to spend this kind of time together, and honestly It weighs on my heart to know of my deception, but I just can't have her finding me out and running to get someone else. She and I share a laugh as she finishes a joke that she heard from pinkie pie, even though she completely butchered the punchline (I just couldn't leave her in an awkward silence!).
"Well, Rarity... it's been wonderful catching up but I think maybe we should go wake the girls up and get them--" Her statement is interrupted by a deep yawn. Well, deep as relative to Fluttershy anyway. "home... I'm sure Applejack is going to be worried sick if Apple Bloom misses lunch, and Scootaloo's parents are trusting me to keep her settled down enough to bring her home."
I don't really need her to be asleep for this, but it would help. I really only need to be able to overpower her, and I think by now if she were to try and fly away she'd get stopped for an FUI, so there's no point in worrying too much.
"Okay Fluttershy, would you come with me to get them up? They were having a slumber party in the basement and must have been up all night,"
"That sounds just--" another yawn, won't be long now, "just fine... I don't know what's come over me,"
"Oh it's probably nothing darling, I'm sure you're just sleepy from last night, still having nightmares?"
"No, and last night wasn't particularly bad... at least I don't think it was anyway..." As Fluttershy speaks I gently nudge her toward the basement staircase, thinking about just what I'm willing to do to her. I know already that I couldn't bring myself to hurt her; she's just too sweet and innocent, and hasn't really caused me any trouble. I just need to make sure she doesn't get away until the time is right...
As we enter the basement I can tell that the sun is much higher in the sky, leaving the fillies in the shadows at the back of the room. Fluttershy steps in ahead of me as I look around for some way to keep her still; there's no way she'll put up much of a fight, especially not while drugged, but I can't be too careful. I notice her stumble down the last couple of steps as she tries to call out for the girls to come to her, as far as she knows they're just sleeping.
"Oh my! Do be careful dear, are you sure you're feeling okay?" I say in an overly-comforting voice, running up to Fluttershy and examining her face, pretending to be worried.
"Oh, uhm... I do feel a tad lightheaded... I don't quite know why," She says, having trouble keeping her eyes open now; the drugs are kicking in, but I don't think she'll pass out without a slightly higher dose. Something in me wants to say she has a tolerance for sleeping pills built up, at least from the look of it.
"Well let me show you a trick, here stand between the hoofrail and this beam here, now stand up on your hind legs," I say, getting an idea after noticing an unused roll of tacky green ribbon laying in the corner.
"O-okay... What are you going to do?" Fluttershy asks, still suggestible in her trance-like state, but clearly confused. I'm careful not to seem too pushy or threatening to the delicate little thing.
"Just showing you a trick to help get the blood flowing, now put your hooves out to the side, pressing as hard as you can against that support beam and this railing. Then tilt your head back and take ten deep breaths," She does exactly as I tell her, wobbling a little as she struggles to keep her balance. Her front legs spread wide and pressed against the two objects makes my life so much easier; I use my magic to stealthily pull the ribbon over and unravel a large section of it. She manages to count to about 'five' before I tie her hooves to the beam and rail. I didn't have anything to cut the fabric with so I just used one continuous ribbon to tie both her hooves up. She breaks from her trance and looks me in the eyes with a newly acquired fright.
"Rarity! Wh-what are you doing?" She asks, looking over to each of her hooves. Her legs are a bit longer than I expected, but she still can't quite get her head over to either of her bound wrists.
"Oh, don't worry darling, just try to relax! I just don't want you to leave quite yet," As I say this I flash her a bit of a grin. She takes it the wrong way and turns crimson in the cheeks, knocking her knees together at the thought. "Oh no dear nothing like that! I just can't let you take the girls from me, they aren't ready yet... I'm not ready yet."
"W-what? Rarity what are you talking about?" She tugs a little at her wrists but is unable to move, flapping her wings furiously in a panic. Honestly I'm a little surprised at the gust of air coming from her as she tries to escape; I didn't think her wings were ever that strong.
"You see dear, I had a little accident with Sweetie Belle, and then the rest of the 'crusaders' came over... they were going to find out. What was I supposed to do? Traumatize the little fillies?" As I speak I move toward the three corpses cast in shadow. I find another candle from the box I kept right next to the 'play area' I had set up for the fillies, replacing the old candle in its fixture and lighting it. This casts and ominous orange glow into the whole room, only brightened by the pure white beam of sunlight pouring into the small window near the ceiling. Poor Fluttershy can't believe her eyes.
"Y-y-y-you... You k-killed them?!" She yelps, tears already beginning to pool along her big, beautiful eyes. Just looking at her the way she is makes me take a step back and really analyze my situation. I knew deep down behind all the lies and all the pretense that I really had killed the fillies. I remember doing it, I remember watching the life fade from Sweetie Belle's face clear as day, but the accusation coming from my best friend gives that thought a power I never thought I could feel from Fluttershy's voice. "P-Please, Rarity... I'm begging you, don't kill me, don't hurt me! Please! I'll do anything! I-I-I won't tell anyone! I'll just forget I saw anything! Please just don't hurt me!"
"Oh... oh darling why would you think I wanted to hurt you?" Just asking that makes me feel stupid, but I can't help it. She sees me for what I am on the outside: a cold-blooded killer. I don't know what I'm supposed to say... there's no way she can understand what I've been through. She quivers in the purest fear I've ever seen as I walk toward her, disheveled wreck that I am. "I'm not going to hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you... I never wanted to hurt anypony!"
Fluttershy can barely respond, she still thinks I plan to kill her. "W-Why? Why did you do this?" The one question I thought I had prepared myself to answer. I've been justifying it to myself for almost two days straight... barely sleeping, never eating, never doing anything but trying to bury my mistake in a lie. I can't answer her; I don't know how anybody would answer that question.
I can only sit down, staring into the bound pegasus's eyes, mouth agape, trying to justify all that I've done. Fluttershy continues her writhing and whimpering; the drugs must have been countered by the adrenaline that is no doubt surging through her system.
"Do you have any idea how hard it was to watch my sister die in my arms Fluttershy?" I ask, choosing to avoid the question entirely... this isn't about me, and I won't let her make it about me. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to try and cover that up? Knowing full well what you did, knowing that nopony could ever understand? DO YOU?" Each word I say seems to pierce into her, as if I were killing her slowly just by speaking.
"R-Rarity, you have... you have to stop this!" Her statements are always interrupted by an unsure gulp or stutter, she couldn't make a point to save her life... heh...
"Of course I have to stop this! But I'm not ready for a dungeon, I'm not ready for an execution... I'm not ready to be ostracized by all of my friends, starting with you... What makes you so special anyway?" I shift the focus to her... Attacking her in a fit of desperation to take the spotlight off of my horrible actions. "You've had to deal with death haven't you? I know you have, taking care of sick animals all the time, but you sure don't cry as often as one might think you would, considering your current standing as 'that shy little thing' that just about everybody knows," My breaths go from shallow, nervous little huffs into a powerful pant. I'm angry at her, for what I don't even know... Maybe that she really is better than me, but I don't want her to have the praise.
"R-Ra-Rarit--" She manages to stutter out between frightened sobs; I won't hear it.
"Quiet! Just what is it that you do to cope with death? Do you drink? Or maybe you abuse over-the-counter sleeping drugs like the ones I gave you. You took a dose that could put me out for a whole day and only got a little stumble in your gait afterward! Maybe you lead a double life, something to get rid of all that pent up aggression and anger that any normal pony your age should exhibit." Now I'm getting a little too personal... I know I struck gold with the sleeping drug accusation because she shut her eyes and tried to look away. "You aren't better than me, Fluttershy... you never have been, and you never will be." I think about hitting her, wanting to destroy that beauty that she was graced with... maybe cutting her mane into a horrid, patchy mess. Though I know I'm just jealous... I've always wanted to be like her... she really is better than me and I know it... But she's so weak and innocent... She couldn't handle what I've had to handle... she couldn't do it, she couldn't deal with it... She'd probably accidentally kill herself by overdosing on her favorite brand of drowsy-drug.
Just as I start to feel that familiar dark feeling well up in me again, getting mentally prepared for whatever abuse i have in store for Fluttershy, she speaks up. "I... Don't... Murder children!" She squeaks... I realize in my blind rage I've moved up and am holding her cheek in my hoof, looking over her face with an envious hatred. What she said, all too true... For all of her flaws, what little there truly are, there is nopony as broken as I...
"W-What did you say?" One last ditch attempt to try and get her to take it back... get angry at Fluttershy and she'll take back anything... or say anything you want.
"I said... I don't murder children... Rarity look at yourself... look at what you've done, look at what you're doing," Where in Equestria did this kind of strength-of-will come from? "You... I don't know who you are anymore, Rarity... I never imagined I could see you like this..." This shatters my wall. The wall I've been trying to build since I hit Sweetie Belle not thirty-six hours ago. All it takes to destroy an emotional barrier fit for even the most cold-hearted psychopath is a soft voice and motherly disappointment, leaving the scared, worried, stupid white unicorn exposed to the crucible of her own mind. I step back from Fluttershy, tears in my eyes, looking slowly over to the three bodies sitting in a circle. I did that... I look at Sweetie Belle's fractured neck and dirty coat. I did that... I gaze over to Fluttershy, tied up and scared, still crying and shivering, but resolved to fight back the only way she knows how. I did that...
"Oh Celestia what have I done?!" I scream, sitting back, afraid of my own voice... backing up across the floor, dragging my body until I slam into the wall. I sob and quiver, trying to breathe normally but unable to draw a solid breath. I look at my hooves; murderer's hooves, metaphorically stained with blood to the point that the red will never leave them. I curl up, sobbing into my knees and shaking... I wanted to harm Fluttershy... I wanted to hurt her and destroy her... I did hurt and destroy my sister, her friends... Myself. I feel my horn touch the ground as I fall to the side and cry, gasping for air and feeling like a newborn foal: confused, weak, small, scared. I feel like I couldn't walk no matter how much I tried. My body feels like jelly, and Fluttershy is still trying to get free, probably to try and help me, not run away like she should. I'm a monster...
"Rarity, please... please let me go, you have to stop this now. There's nothing more you can do..." Fluttershy says, gaining a better hold of herself and speaking with pure conviction. She's not entirely right... there's still more that I can do. I can stop myself.
Without a word to Fluttershy I stand, walking slowly toward the staircase and looking into her eyes. Knowing my bloodshot gaze can't hold hide my true self anymore. She seems surprised and worried to see her old friend Rarity, in the worst situation she could possibly have put herself in, walk right past her and up the stairs.
"Rarity! Don't leave me here! Don't leave!" She's afraid I'm just going to walk away with her tied up in a basement full of bodies... Tempting as it is, that wouldn't be the justice I deserve. I can't believe how hard she can scream... I close the door behind me as I step into my kitchen, looking around and pull a pairing knife out of my silverware drawer, setting it on the counter. I think about slitting my wrists right here... but that's not how this is going to work. I turn, pasting a smile on my face; this one's genuine. I step slowly toward my pantry, looking back into the recently organized stock of dry food ingredients... I reach back with my hoof into the hiding place and produce the bottle of rat poison that I used to end Sweetie Belle's life... only fitting. I use my teeth to open the foal-proof cap and cast it aside, emptying the entire bottle into my mouth. I swallow as many of the tablets as I can before gagging on the sheer volume of them, but I don't spit them out. I simply chew them into dust and rinse it back with some water; I don't have long now. So I pick up the knife and head back toward the basement.
I slowly open the door, humming 'hush now, quiet now' to myself, levitating the knife right next to my head and flashing a smile at Fluttershy. She screams at the top of her lungs when she sees the blade, sobbing and struggling, beating her wings again and pulling so hard on the hoofrail that I fear it's going to be pulled off of the staircase. I look her in the eyes and approach her. She whimpers and tries to hide her face by looking down, clenching her eyes shut and shivering so hard that I can actually watch her hair shake. Using the knife I cut the ribbon keeping her bound, promptly dropping it and embracing her in a tearful hug.
"Fluttershy, I'm so sorry... I'm so, so sorry," I sob into her shoulder and hold her, standing on my hind legs and shaking, already feeling my nervous system start to shut down. The pegasus is speechless, and after a while wraps her arms around my back, holding me close and trying to calm me down. We both cry for a minute or so... but I break the hug and walk shakily toward the three dead fillies in their corner. Fluttershy doesn't try to stop me, only inching her way toward the stairs (I can tell by her shaky, noisy hoofsteps) and watching me intently.
"Sweetie Belle... I love you so much, you know that right?" I ask the lifeless body, giving her cheek a stroke of my hoof, unable to stop myself from falling to my knees. "I didn't want any of this to happen... none of you deserved this... but I do..." Tears fall freely down my face, blurring my vision until I can see only the pure white of my sister's coat, not a speck of death corrupting it. "Apple Bloom, Scootaloo... I don't ever expect you to forgive me... I don't expect anyone to, but it's never been beneath me to beg for it... I'm so sorry," Now I can feel my breathing slow down; I can barely move my hind legs, and my front legs are starting to feel a chill slowly penetrate into them as I lose control of my own body. The only thing I can bring myself to do is to wrap Sweetie Belle up in the tightest hug I can manage and sob. Fluttershy had stayed to watch, but at the first violent spasm in my back she could tell something was wrong. She bolted up the stairs and slammed open my basement door, not slowing down for a single second, bursting open the front door and leaving it open as she took flight as fast as she could, presumably going to get help. I can barely hear all the banging and running as she left me... but I didn't want to be anywhere else at the moment.
My life flashes before my eyes; melting away the grief I had caused myself in the past day and a half. I see myself blow out some candles at a birthday. I can recall the feeling of my first kiss, as well as the pain of the first breakup that followed. I recall finding the rock full of gems, and subsequently my cutie mark. I recall the day my sister was born and how much I loved her. I remember every source of happiness and despair that I've ever experienced, seeing them before me on the pure white canvas of my sister's coat.
Everypony says that you see a light at the end of a tunnel before you die, but I can't see one. All I can see is my world melting around me: the basement, the corpses, my own twitching and numb body lying mostly still in my field of vision as my sight begins to die out. What I can see is a blackness that intrudes on the edges of my vision, or rather... My vision begins to dissolve into a senseless, chaotic darkness from the outside in. Colors blend together, my world darkens and I know this is the end. The only comfort I can take is that i stopped myself before I let my wall shut me out from the real world.
I punctuate my final breath with a sniffle, "Sweetie... Sweetie Belle... I'm coming to see you... Let's have that day of fun I pr-promised..."
~Fin~