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How I Learned to Stop Being Harmonious and Learned to Love Chaos

by kudzuhaiku

Chapter 1

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Discord hoped that by ignoring the problem, it would go away. Except, that didn’t seem to be happening with this particular problem. This problem was annoying. She followed him everywhere. Asking questions. She asked good questions, but that was beside the point. It was one question she kept asking in particular that bothered Discord to no end.

“Can I please be your student? Please? You are the most interesting creature I know!”

Discord covered his face with his lion’s paw and stopped in his tracks. It was the same question every day, several times a day. “Look, Charis, for the last time, no. Just no. You are an earth pony. You don’t even have magic. While I do admit that you have a keen mind, I cannot take on a student even if I wanted to. I think the Princesses would take it wrong.”

“But… I am an earth pony that wants to be the student of a draconequus, surely you must appreciate just how chaotic that is!” Charis retorted.

“Why is this so important to you!” Discord snapped, finally losing his temper.

“Because you are the only creature I know that makes sense!” Charis shouted back.

Discord froze, unable to reply. He certainly hadn’t expected that. This was an entirely new approach to weaken his resolve. The clever filly had tried flattery, philosophical arguments, logic, but honesty was a new approach. The draconequus cringed, knowing that Celestia could and would smite him if he stepped one claw out of line. But that was the least of his concerns. There was Fluttershy to worry about as well, and one disapproving glance from her would undo him. He stared at the irritating pink filly and stood, forelegs akimbo, glaring balefully at her, hoping she would just go away.

“Look here Mister I Have Fancy Magic That Can Break the Cosmos, you are ALONE. All alone. And for all of your talk about balance, and how you preserve the balance, things are not balanced. There are four alicorns now and only one of you. Before, there were two alicorns, and one of you, and things were probably a bit more balanced. Am I wrong?” Charis asked.

Discord growled in frustration. He hated when she was right. Once she found a new angle to work on, she clung to it with earth pony tenacity and stubbornness. Even draconequuskind had a hard time dealing with earth pony stubbornness.

“Look, if you take me on as a student, as your pupil, you will have somepony to back you up in a debate with the Princesses. Unless I am feeling chaotic of course, and decide that screwing you over would be a good time waiting to happen,” Charis reasoned.

Discord struggled to hide his grin. Charis understood all too well. She was entirely too much like him. She was barely even a pony. She was something in a pony suit. He wasn’t sure what, but he had to admit he liked the cotton candy pink filly immensely sometimes… as much as he hated her at other times. Like now, when she was weakening his resolve.

“Look, you have promised to use your powers as a counter-balance once again to maintain the effective levels of order and disorder needed in this world, not for selfish gain. Certainly one earth pony filly as your student wouldn’t be selfish. It would be an act of balance. To correct for all of those earth pony fillies that aren’t your students. I am an anomaly, at least acknowledge that,” Charis argued.

“You are something,” Discord agreed.

“I just want to learn from you. You have so much to teach. You have perspectives and viewpoints outside of pony society, and I don’t fit into pony society. Look at me. I am almost an adult and no cutie mark. Nothing. I have no purpose. I have no meaning. I am a blank slate. I am free to do whatever I want whenever I want. I have no duty to fulfill. Nothing is expected from me by anypony. I walk into a room and ponies barely acknowledge me. I don’t belong in their society because they don’t know how to identify me or categorize me. I am an earth pony born to do what exactly? If I am to be a blank slate, then I want to write my own destiny as I go. Make me your student!”

“Fine! Just shut up already!” Discord shouted, throwing his forelegs up into the air and shaking his head. His forelegs landed on the ground a moment later and he was forced to pick them up with his tail and pop them back into place.

“Really?” Charis asked.

“Yes, I will take you as my apprentice. You have successfully pushed me to the brink of insanity and that is no easy task!” Discord muttered, wiggling his limbs after reattaching them. He approached the filly, a scowl upon his face, his griffon arm extended, one claw protruding. He touched the filly on her forehead, causing her to cry out in alarm.

“What did you do to me?” she demanded.

“I’ve marked you as my own. You are bonded to me. I have claimed you. You are my first student, and I don’t want something happening to you like a manticore eating you or something. That would be annoying!” Discord replied.

“But being eaten and pooped out by a manticore might be a fascinating learning experience. Certainly you could preserve me…” Charis stated.

A mad cackle escaped Discord’s lips. “Oh my, you are going to be a fun student, you seriously think being eaten by a manticore would be educational?”

Charis nodded.

“Well, maybe not on your first day, but we might be able to arrange that. I just realised, I have no idea what to do with you. I guess our relationship continues as it has been. Talking. Debating. Exchanging ideas,” Discord mused.

Charis beamed and the draconequus reached down to tousle her purple mane.

“Wait, is that appropriate student teacher contact?” Discord asked.

“Who decides what is appropriate?” Charis asked. “Morality is like colour. Describe the colour blue to a blind pony. Does a dragon share the same morals as a pony? Can either be described as a moral being to the other?”

Discord stroked his chin. “Now that you mention it,” he muttered. “I suppose morals are what I hold myself to, and all the good things I do are selfishly done to suit my own needs so I can continue being friends with Fluttershy. Hmm.”

“Is that wrong?” Charis asked.

“Well, no. I am happy, Fluttershy is happy, which is important to me, and the world is made a slightly better place because I am selfishly serving my own needs and selfish desires,” Discord reasoned.

“If you want to keep me as a student, and I wish to keep you as my teacher, it is in our better interests to treat one another with respect, which could constitute morality or a social contract of some sort I suppose. I don’t mind if you touch me, I liked it,” Charis returned. “I have nothing to fear from you, I know where your heart lies.”

Discord looked serious for a moment.

“And I have no intentions of attempting to intrude. What you have with her is special,” Charis stated.

Discord relaxed.

The two creatures sized one another up, looking at one another in new ways, each one truly looking at the other with an open mind and taking in all they saw and perceived. Now that he was open to the idea, the draconequus saw his potential equal, which is what all students were, if they had good teachers.

“First lesson, dealing with authority figures,” Discord cackled. He snapped his fingers and the world around them shifted.


Charis found herself staring at a very shocked looking Princess Celestia, who was raising her eyebrow at Discord. The monarch was on her throne.

“Sorry to intrude while you were on the toilet, but I had to let you know that I took on a student,” Discord stated. “It only seemed polite.”

The defecating monarch suffered a bout of embarrassing crepitation during her moment of surprise.

The world shifted again and Charis found herself in a small round chamber. There were some curved sofas around the walls, a fine looking rug, and one very annoyed looking draconequus.

“She teleported me away while I was trying to be civil,” Discord groused.

“She was pinching a loaf,” Charis reasoned.

“That wasn’t stopping her from conversation, she talks out of the other end. Usually. Never tell her I said this, but she does on occasion talk out of her ass,” Discord replied.

“True,” Charis agreed.

“Pay attention, authority figures often overlook simple civility when dealing with you,” Discord summarised.

“Noted,” Charis quipped.

Discord began to pace back and forth in the room, his forelegs folded behind his back, his brow furrowed with thought. His tail swished back and forth.

The door was slammed open a moment later and an angry white alicorn came bursting through, her horn blazing with golden light. “WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?” she demanded.

Discord moved between Celestia and Charis, claws extended. “You harm one hair on my student’s head, and the peace is off! No more mister nice draconequus!”

Princess Celestia froze, her eyes wide, a look of surprise and horror upon her features. “Well, at least your priorities are well placed. You protected your student using your own body. I am surprised Discord. I may have over-reacted and I apologise for doing so,” said Celestia as her horn slowly went dim. “But taking a student, why?”

“She made very convincing arguments. She is probably the wisest philosopher you have in your kingdom. She’s been making them for almost a year now,” Discord replied, saying nothing else.

“So is this a philosophical arrangement?” Celestia inquired.

“Yes,” Discord answered.

“I see,” the alicorn stated, still looking very confused. “Very well then. Do not abuse my trust."

“Did everything come out okay?” Charis inquired politely.

Celestia turned her head and regarded the earth pony, her lips pressed into a thin flat line. “She already has your blatant disregard for authority,” Celestia commented.

“Your ponies made her that way, they treat her like a pariah because she doesn’t have her magical butt mark of destiny,” Discord retorted. “Wasn’t it you who told me respect isn’t given, it is earned?”

Celestia heaved a sigh of exasperation.

“I might be wrong here, but it seems to me that you expect Discord to acknowledge your authority. He’s reformed, he behaves, he has helped out Equestria many times now, but you do nothing to acknowledge his authority. His chaos defines your harmony. You two need one another. Yet you offer him no sense of respect in return for the respect you feel he owes you simply because you wear that tacky crown,” Charis elucidated.

Discord clamped his paw over his mouth as he choked, wheezing and coughing, his eyes wide as his was torso heaving. His tail twitched as he struggled to contain himself.

“Charis…” Celestia said.

“What?” replied Charis, staring Celestia in the eye.

“I don’t know how to reply to that,” Celestia admitted. “Now there are two of you.”

“And four of you,” Charis replied.

“Can we start over and begin again?” Celestia asked.

“So you failed and you want a do-over,” Charis stated.

Celestia sighed and summoned her patience. “Yes, yes I do.”

“I am agreeable to that,” Charis stated. “Discord?”

“I am as well. Charis is correct though. A little respect might be nice. You treat me like I am an underling,” Discord said.

“I do. You are both correct. And for that, I am sorry,” Celestia apologised.

“It was a pleasure to meet you your highness, I hope you will forgive me for my intrusion into your privacy. It was not my fault,” said Charis, still looking Celestia in the eye.

“Discord, bathrooms are off limits. Please. In the future. May I ask this of you?” Celestia inquired.

“I suppose so, but I still don’t understand the big deal,” Discord said.

“Thank you,” replied Celestia, her tone one of appreciation.

“Well, I learned how to deal with authority figures. Treat them like ponies,” Charis stated. “I feel wiser already.”

Author's Notes:

I am so sorry... I had to write this. I was suffering writer's constipation and the blockage had to come out.

I regret nothing! Nothing I tell you!

Except any mistakes I might have missed. Do tell me about those if you will. Thanks.

Next Chapter: Chapter 2 Estimated time remaining: 26 Minutes
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