Advice Pinks
by Pump It Up
First published
Hi! Pinkie Pie here; or rather, Advice Pinks! Ask me a question! I'll answer it! And don't worry, it won't be crazy!
Pinkie Pie is hired by Ponyville's local newspaper to write an advice column.
Don't worry, she knows what she's doing.
I have plenty of questions for a long while. Please, no more.
Tagged random because I don't know what questions I'll be getting.
Edited by WinterPony, nomotog, and spideremblembrony. Proofread by SirRage.
Cover art by xPesifeindx.
(Psst. Featured 9/14/15!)(And when I updated on 8/19/18, as I suspected.)
Hi there! (Introduction)
Hey! Advice Pinks here! Or as you may know me, Pinkie Pie! My friend, Princess Twilight, was originally offered a job at the newspaper you're now reading, but she's too busy with her studying and being a princess; going places and being a princess; hanging out and being a princess; and did I mention being a princess?
So she offered the job to the six of us (Dashie, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Spike (he's a dragon, in case you didn't know), and me), and everypony else was too busy (or too lazy, in Dashie's case) except for me! Even if I do help at Sugarcube Corner, like, every day, and I have to help with the sugar-rush foals and sometimes be in a sugar rush.
Ask me questions! Ask me ask me ask me! There's not empty space between my ears, and I'm not totally crazy! I know more than just about baking and parties and fun! (Although everything can be fun.) So send me all sorts of questions! It doesn't matter if you're a pony, donkey, mule, griffon, dragon, ape-things, or intelligent sludge! Ask away!
Smile on~!
Week 1: Nighttime, Talking, Time Travel, and Making Friends
Dost thou enjoy our night?
~Princess Luna
Oh, of course! It's so pretty and sparkly, and I once thought that the stars were fireflies! But that was when I was a filly, and my mom corrected me, so don't be worried.
Nighttime is the best time for parties! If you have one during the day, everyone has to go to work, and no one'll be there and it'll be booooooring! Twilight's "Welcome to Ponyville" party was in the evening, and it was so fun! Not to mention the Summer Sun Celebration was the next day, so of course everypony stayed up and partied.
The only time I don't enjoy the night is when I have nightmares. But that doesn't happen every night. Mostly...
Got any tips for a fellow friend with problems to know when to talk and when to listen on said subject?
~keam
When I was young, my family used to tape my mouth shut so I'd listen. Good times, good times.
When I moved to Ponyville, the Cakes would give me sticky foods to keep my mouth shut so I'd listen. Good times, good times.
Now, I have Twilight to give me a slap on the back of my head to shut me up!
Ow! Just kidding, Twi, just kidding!
Listen when they have something very important to say, and only interrupt if you really, really have to, even if they got a super-duper important detail wrong. Talk when it's your turn, which is something I sometimes have trouble with. And when you talk, don't go off subject too much, which I also have a problem with. I once was talking with Twilight about a wonderful idea I had, and it had to do with a cat. Opal, actually. She seems to be grumpy all the time, and I don't know why! Then again, Rarity's the only one who really knows what makes her happy since she owns her and all. That's why I cheer up ponies and talking things, because they can tell me why they're sad and what makes them happy.
Wait, wasn't I talking about something else?
Dear Pinkie Pie,
So let's say I've got this... Friend... Who's figured out how to time travel. Just hypothetically, because we all know it's actually impossible, right? Completely impossible. Anyway, so should they try to use this technology for good, or just get rid of it and forget I ever... I mean, they ever knew anything about it? Since I've noticed that you sometimes seem to meddle a bit with the laws of physics yourself, what's your take on these kinds of things? I mean, ha ha, obviously, since it's nothing but a hypothetical question, I'm totally not concerned... But just between you, me, and the fourth wall over there, should I be concerned?
~wdeleon
For the first question, I'd say it depends. Is your "friend" gonna make people smile, or make them angry? It's what you plan to do that should influence your choice.
And you may want to be a little concerned. Twilight nearly made herself go cra-zy when she was visited by her future self. And then she visited her past self, which at the time was her present self. She warned herself, then she tried to prevent whatever disaster she thought was happening, then when she found out there was no disaster, tried to warn herself, and then she tried to prevent it, then she tried to prevent herself from getting all worked up, but then she got worked up and tried to prevent it...
You should be concerned if you don't like repeating yourself. And don't meet your past self for more than ten minutes, otherwise the universe will explode and little aliens will steal your soul and everypony's souls and eat the moon! Hypothetically speaking.
Being extremely shy I find it difficult to approach others and even more so to make friends with them. What advice could you give to help me overcome this obstacle?
~Snow Fluff
I would say don't be too overbearing, but it looks like you’ve got that covered. Try and interact with ponies. At least say hi to them, let them know you exist, and maybe that’ll spark a conversation. Join many things, like cooking, or party planning, sports, creative stuff, and clubs! Try and make friends with your friends’ friends.
Oo, oo! Storytime!
Are you sitting someplace comfy? No? I’ll wait.
Doo doo doo…hee hee, doo doo.
You comfy now? Good.
For most of my life, I was homeschooled, and Inkie (her real name’s Marble), Blinkie (real name’s Limestone, but the reason why I call them by nicknames still is for another time), and Maud ( all three are my sisters) were my only friends (well, and my parents, but I never really include them because it’s kind of a given). Eventually, all four of us being homeschooled at the same time put a lot of strain on the family and the farm; with Mom teaching, that only left Dad to farm, and that didn't work out. So all four of us were sent to school; and let me tell ya, it was tough. See, I wasn’t always like I am now. It used to be that I was outgoing at home, but shy everywhere else. Plus, we started halfway through the year. So school was kinda tough.
The first day, I ate lunch alone because 1) none of my sister's had the same lunch as me, and 2) I knew nopony. That stunk.
The second day, I ate lunch alone. That stunk. Again.
The third day, I decided to take matters into my own hooves.
I sat with the emo kids.
I sat with them for a few months, enough to get to know all of them. My family got a little worried, but it eventually paid off.
I got them to smile.
They never quite told me what made them smile, but I observed them, sometimes being a little creepy. But not too much!
After becoming friends with the emos, I moved on to the next table: the band geeks. There weren’t that many, the village being mostly made up of stodgy ponies who didn’t care for loud music, but there were some ponies who were in band. That’s where I first learned how to play multiple instruments!
I moved up the social pyramid until I made friends with everypony, even the really meanie pants. Now, you don’t have to do all that I did (my school was tiny, and you seem more like my friend Fluttershy), but you can try something like this!
Hopefully I helped!
Smile on~!
Author's Notes:
Be sure to submit your questions!
Week 2: Fruit, Differences, Ideas, and Borrowing Policies
So...I was at the farmers market the other day trying to buy some cherries and kumquats...how do you tell when they're ripe? Also, know any good recipes?
~ThunderChaserCreate
You can tell when cherries are ripe by their color. For the regular type you think about (the red ones), which are BING! cherries, it's kinda between a red and a dark red, and nice and firm. But not too dark, 'cuz that means they’re gonna be all mushy and bleh. And not too light; otherwise, you’ll hurt yourself and it’ll have no taste. And be all bleh. For Rainier cherries, they need to be firm as well, with some light red, but a bit more yellow than red. There’s another type of cherry that I can’t remember the name of, but they’re smaller than BING! cherries, and are used in pies and juices and jams. Yum! They aren’t usually eaten fresh, and are ripe when firm as well.
But it’s mostly how you like yours to taste. This one guy I buy cherries from, he says that the BING! cherries need to be super dark red, almost black, but I like them whatever color. Just not too mushy.
For kumquats, it needs to be yellow-orange and no green. But not too long after it lost the green. And eat the whole entire thing. It’s a sweet and sour dish! Without any cooking! Yay for easy meals!
You can make smoothies, put them on top of cakes, and make all sorts of delicious foods! A chimicherrychanga is delicious! Also, kumquat marmalade. Yummy! I have sooooooooooooooo many recipes, I can’t even list them all! It would blow your mind with how many recipes I have for those two alone! And together. And with broccoli.
Dear Pinkie Pie,
How do you deal with ponies making fun of you for being different? I'm a foreigner here in Ponyville (I come from the Frozen Mountains), and ponies make fun of my accent...and they mock my customs. Why does everypony think sleeping on an ice block is weird?!~WinterPony
Sleeping on an ice block is a little silly. After all, ice is really, really cold! If I get cold in bed, I wake up and have to go to the bathroom (Twilight tells me that’s too much information).
Ask the ponies that are making fun of you to stop. That doesn't always work (just ask Fluttershy), but it's worth a try! If they don't stop, invite them to a learning session to learn about your culture!
Or, if that's too weird for you, just ignore them. Haters are going to hate! If they can't look past their mean opinions, that's their faults.
When ponies don't like me, I try so very hard to be kind to them and change their minds. Like with Cranky Doodle Donkey! But it may take you a while because you're new, and you have to introduce yourself to everypony first. Which means it might take a little bit to get to the “be kind to them and change their minds” part.
Or, y’know, give them a verbal smackdown. Rap style!
(Twilight doesn’t like rap and told me to remove that. Nope!)
Hey Pinks,
I've been wondering, do you have any advice on what jobs to look into for someone who just wants to come up with ideas all day long? Discord has the only one I can think of…~Novalis14
Making advertisements! Or selling book ideas to people! Try your hoof at drawing. Write stories! Um…write music! Invent!
Yes, invent things! That’s a good job for coming up with ideas! I mean, not that you can’t come up with ideas in other jobs. I come up with great food ideas all the time! Mr. and Mrs. Cake try out my recipes and taste them. They say the dishes taste good, but sometimes I wonder if they like them. ‘Cuz sometimes I hear them throwing up after my more crazy dishes, like hay burgers with rhubarb and icing, and with tapioca covered in vegetable oil on the side. And for dessert, broccoli pie. I used to eat rocks, so all my dishes are tasty to me!
Dear Pinkie Pie,
I have a friend who keeps borrowing my tools, but not returning them for months at a time. I keep asking him, but he either ignores me, or makes up excuses. I want some advice on how to deal this problem.Signed,
Annoyed in Appleoosa.
Keep asking him. Have other ponies ask him. Tell him you’ll see him in court! Bring a lawyer with you!
No?
Just keep asking and asking and asking and asking and asking and asking and asking and asking and asking and asking! Send a bajillion letters a day, or write in the dirt “YOU STILL HAVE TO RETURN MY TOOLS,” or pay for cloud letters to spell out the same thing. Eventually, you’ll annoy him so much you’ll get them back.
Or make a contract and have him sign it with somepony else present. Then, if he makes up excuses, wave the contract in his face and say, “You promised! You even Pinkie Promised! See, it’s here on this contract!” And he’ll have to give them back, because nopony, and I mean nopony can break a Pinkie Promise! Because then you’ll lose their trust FOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVERRRRRRRRRRR!
Or do all three! Or just two! Or just one. Sending a bajillion letters a day gets expensive. I should know.
Smile on~!
Author's Notes:
ThunderChaser, if you're serious about the recipes, looking up "cherry recipes" and "kumquat recipes" will work very well. And here's the video I used to help with the cherries.
Everybody else: I don't need any more questions for a while now! Please do not give me more questions!
Week 3: Cutie Marks, Griffon Crushes, Life Choices, and Personality
Pinkie Pie,
I'm a filly and don't want to get my cutie mark. Am I weird? 'Cuz everypony thinks I'm crazy! Not that being weird ain't cool, but still, wanna know that I'm there in the head.
~From a pony
No, you’re not weird. My sister, Maud, didn’t want to get her cutie mark. She was pretty “meh” about it, inside and out. And I can tell when she's happy inside.
Some ponies don’t want things to change, and they’re happy the way they are. If you don’t want to get your cutie mark, that’s fine! You just wanna be a foal a little longer, right?
Everypony is different. If anypony has problems with that, then they’re stinky doo-doo heads! Don’t worry about the neigh-sayers! Just be yourself! They have to just accept that you don’t want your cutie mark, no way, no how! Or what, or where, or when, or who, or why! If they don’t like that, then you need to get rid of those meanie pants and get new ones! Pants, I mean.
Dear Pinkie Pie,
I'm a Griffin and have a super crush on this Pegasus. Thing is...I'm not exactly what you would call a "cool" guy, and the pony I'm into only dates the cool ponies. You know, the ones that are the stars of the party (always wanted to go to one), look cool and say cool things. Not me. Should I turn myself cool for her, because I really can't take not being with her anymore, but I also don't want to change myself like that. I like being me, even if nobody else does.
~From a friend in need
Nopony should change who they are for another pony! Although there are some things you should change, like the amount of times a week you bathe, the amount of times per day you brush, and whether or not you close up the toilet after you're done.
Before you change anything major (like cutting your, uh, feathers), maybe ask her first! Make yourself look neat (brush, shower, make sure there's no broccoli in your...beak), buy some flowers (hopefully you know her favorite ones, or if she's allergic), and ask her out!
Or, maybe you should try and become friends with her first! That way, you'll learn a lot about her, and she'll feel more comfortable with you when you decide to ask her.
(Psst! If you want, I'll introduce you to some "cool" ponies! That way, you won't be lying if/when you tell her that you are a cool pony griffin!)
Pinkie Pie,
My parents think I'm crazy for my life choices and I'm thinking of running away to just get away from them. I want to love them, I really do, but I just can't be with them anymore. No matter what I do I'm wrong, even if I show them evidence and studies proving me right! I mean, didn't you leave your parents? You're with me, right?
~From a living thing
Well, it depends on how old you are. I was old enough to leave the house when I left, but if you’re a kid, you should really, really stay home, even if they feel you’re wrong all the time and it’s super irritating. Unless maybe your parents are hurting you in anyway without reason, or enough to break your leg. You should probably get the police, then.
It might help if you talk to them, ‘cuz they can’t read minds! That’s a superdiduper hard spell, and Twilight says that it has “moral implications,” but I think she’s just afraid that she’ll get too much information, like when the last time someone went to the bathroom was.
Anyway, unless one of your parents is one of the princesses or something, they aren’t able to read minds, so you have to tell them how you feel. And why you feel. And what the point of talking is. Sometimes, talking is what’s needed. Although, my parents never seemed to like talking with me. I wonder why. Hm...
Dear "Advice Pinks" formally known as Pinkimena Diane Pie,
I have a tendency to make ponies absolutely despise me, and I don't do it purposely, it's all because of my very complex personality. What can I do? I don't want anymore ponies to hate me.
Sincerely,
BumbleFlow
Everypony’s complex, silly! If you're sarcastic all the time, maybe stop being so sarcastic! Or, if you can’t help it, maybe talk with someone who does hate you and ask why. And don’t be a meanie to them; just be happy and calm when you talk to them! And then you can hear why straight from the pony’s mouth! And then you can explain your complexity! (Be proud, Twilight! I used a big word! Hee hee hee!) And then you’ll become friends!
Twilight tells me to be calm, but I don’t know what she’s talking about! I’m totally calm! And don’t worry, unless you kick puppies or hurt Fluttershy, you’re my friend!
Smile on~!
Author's Notes:
Finally managed to publish this! I've been in the publishing mood lately.
16 more weeks to go until I finish all the questions I've gotten so far. Yaaaaaay. /s
Week 4: Dating, Haters, Treason, and Avoiding Ponies for No Good Reason
Author's Notes:
Just a reminder that I do not need anymore questions. Thanks!
Dear Pinkie
I am not much of a dating kinda stallion, but I have a huge crush on this mare I know. We're really good friends and I have been trying to show her how much I like her, but I can't find the courage to tell her and I feel my lack of knowledge on relationships (I have never dated anypony before) that I might end up blowing it up and failing at being a good coltfriend. What should I do?
From
Emerald Knight
A friend in need
One thing to remember is to be a friend. It’s the most important part of everything ever! Listen to her when she needs you. Buy her gifts (flowers, chocolate)! Every girl likes little gifts that show that you’re thinking about her! Especially if it’s food. ESPECIALLY.
Be there for her. Treat her like family, but better. Because duh, if you treated her like family, she wouldn’t be your marefriend! She’d just be your friend! (Which is still good thing! The friendzone isn’t a bad thing.)
As for asking her out...well, Twilight says I’m not very subtle, so maybe you shouldn’t be asking me. Just go with your gut! That’s what I do! Maybe that’s why Twi says I’m not subtle.
Advice Pinks,
Any tips on how to get rid of haters? If not it's ok.
~A Pegasister.
Bake them cookies! That’s what I do! They usually go away after that.
Pinkie,
I have this mare you see, this mare that I just have to get rid of... if you catch my drift. This mare has done nothing but poop on my life and take everything that was supposed to be mine! Because of her I'm stuck as some has-been prodigy and will never get the recognition that I've been promised to all my life!
You know what, screw Twilight Sparkle. There, I said it! Pinkie, if you wanna make big bits then help a pony out and kill Twilight for me. She'd never suspect it from you, and the authorities would never suspect it either. I got more jewels than you can imagine from the palace and you'll have every bit of them. Think about it, you can open up your own bakery instead of working for some fat balloon and
some orange loser that I don't even know what's wrong with him. You can even have your own house. Best part, no more Twilight! Be honest, Pinkie, her know it all, goodie-two-shoes attitude has been old for a while now and Equestria would a less annoying place without her. So whaddya say, we down for this or what?
~Sunset Shimmer, future Princess of Equestria and the world.
P.S. Twilight said you're annoying. She also said that pink's her least favorite color.
P.P.S. Pink is my favorite color. Just sayin'.
Well, I kinda just printed your letter in the newspaper. Sooooooo, yeah, the police'll probably be trying to find you now, and I kind of gave them the address you sent the letter from. Sorry! I’m a responsible citizen, and it was my duty!
(Hehe, “duty.”)
But how did you get this letter here? Did you bribe Discord? Did you bribe a royal guard? Are you really here in Equestria?!
Wait, you can't respond because I'm writing this a newspaper. Well, I hope the police can find you! Not that we can't possibly be friends, but you were rude and mean to Twilight and also kinda just committed treason.
P.S. I’ve always known Twilight’s favorite color isn’t pink! I really doubt it’s her least favorite, because I don’t think she really cares about favorite colors. She calls it “juvenile.”
P.P.S. But I think we both secretly know her favorite color is [REDACTED].
Ummm, Ms. Pinkie?
I have a little problem. I recently moved to Ponyville and met up with an old friend of mine. Diamond Tiara's her name. Of course we had planned on picking our friendship up where we left off...but for some reason, ever since everypony in my new class found out Diamond was my friend, everypony's been avoiding me. And I mean EVERYPONY. I don't think I DID anything wrong...I'm starting to wonder if they just don't like Diamond or something. What do I do?!
~Beauty Split
I’ve overheard the Cutie Mark Crusaders talk about Diamond Tiara, and it seems like she’s kinda a bully, so they think you’re also a bully, I think. Isn’t that crazy?! I mean, judging someone by their (old) friends before you’ve talked to them? That’s just silly!
What you could do is bring in snacks for the whole class. I mean, who doesn’t like food? Plus, while it won’t really get any friends yet, maybe they’ll start warming up to you. Then, what you need to do is to start talking to the ponies in your class. If they ignore you, maybe hold a “Get to Know Me Party!” for the whole class! I’ll help! Really, all you need to do is to keep trying. Be confident! Make friends! Have fun!
Smile on~!
Week 5: The Omniverse, Totally Not Drunk Pony, Lotta Friends (but Still Lonely), and a question from my family
Dear Pinks,
I’m having trouble trying to find a proper plan for breaking to a select group of ponies that their entire world, it’s parallels, and the Omniverse as a whole are all products of my creation without sending their society into chaos. I also have to break the news that their two supposed goddesses as well as their former-enemy-now-reformed-friend are all my children. Problem is that I’ve never met any of them and haven’t even been to their universe since its creation (unfortunately there were far more pressing matters in other universes to deal with). You have plenty of experience breaking the 4th wall, so do you have any suggestions?
Sincerely,
A Dumbfounded Deity
I don’t know what you mean by “fourth wall,” so I can’t really help ya with that. Buuut you could throw them a “Surprise, I’m Your Father!” party! I mean, that probably will kinda backfire, so maybe not. Depending on who you tell, it shouldn’t send society into chaos. Discord did that just fine, but he won’t now because Fluttershy keeps him in line, so you don’t have to worry about it too much. And I’m sure your daughters will understand the whole “parallel universe” thing just fine! Just be sure to bring lots of cake and lots of apology balloons, and I’m sure everything will be hunky dory!
I’ve got a question for you, Pinkie!
WHY are you and your friends always running around or singing early in the morning or at night? Some of us actually like to, you know, sleep, like normal ponies!
Sincerely,
a (totally sober) Berry Punch.
Because it’s fun and we can’t help it! Or we’re doing something super-duper important that we have to do right away, or else it’ll be the end of the world! And you don’t want the world to end, Berry Punch, or else there will be no more drinking! And we’ll all be dead! Do not question Madame Pinkie!
I got a question, Pinkie.
I’m friends with many ponies but I tend to get lonely at times. Do you have any advice to share on how to not be lonely?
by: Dizzy Twister (not the background character one)
I don’t usually have this issue, because there’s always somepony who I’m able to hang out with, and if that fails, I just hang out with Gummy (he’s a great listener)! So that’s my first advice: Go and find one of your friends and ask them if they want to hang out; “Take initiative,” as Rarity and Applejack like to say! Fluttershy forgets to, that silly pony. She usually just hangs out with her animals when she’s lonely, but she always really likes it when we visit her. And I always ask her, “Fluttershy, why don’t you just say something?!” And she usually says, “I didn’t want to bother anypony,” and then I say, “You’re not bothering anypony, silly!” and then she usually makes tea and we talk for a super long time.
If I can’t find somepony to hangout with, I do a lot of baking when I get lonely, but I know not everypony lives in a bakery where they can get all the supplies they need whenever they want. But that doesn’t mean I won’t suggest it! Baking is fun! Especially since you can take all that food to your friends and you won’t be lonely anymore!
I know Twilight likes to read when she wants to be alone, so maybe the same applies to when you feel lonely! You’ve just gotta put your ear to your head and listen to your brain and figure out what you like to do! Whatever will help keep those bluesies away if you’re all by your lonesome and can’t find a friend.
Hey, Pink:
I’ve got a bit of a family question. See, you know how we’ve got a bit of a team dynamic, right? Maud’s the brawn, I’m the brains, etc.? Well, Marble doesn’t want to be the heart. She thinks you should be the heart. Now, we can’t have two hearts. The team dynamic can’t work like that. Which is why I dubbed you a toss-up between the spleen and the pancreas because you’re so random. But, Marble doesn’t like that. She thinks it’s an insult to you, and that you have a bigger heart than she does. But I can’t make her a toss-up between the spleen and the pancreas! That would make no sense!
You know Marble has a big heart, Pink. Her pet rock shelter is testament to that. But I concede that your heart’s very big, too. What do I do, Pink? How can I get our sister team dynamic to work?
Hugs and kisses,
Limestone Blinkamena Pie, aka Key Lime
Actually, I think the bladder is the most random organ ‘cause you’ll never know when you have to go! You’ll be sitting somewhere or standing in line for something important, and then BAM! You have to go pee! But that’s not really me, because I don’t squirt water out of my mouth randomly. That’s what a clown flower is for!
Twilight’s reading over my back right now and she’s suggesting to make me adrenal glands? Whatever those are. She’s saying something about how hyper I am, but it all doesn’t matter! Who says we only have to have one heart? Two hearts are better than one, right? Our team dynamic could totally work that way! Who cares what bio-logi has to say about it? Or—or, we could split the heart! I could be the left and she could be the right. Or she could be the right and I could be the left! A bouncy jumpy heart and calmer heart wrapped into one! Our sister team dynamic already works, and no matter who is the heart, we all work together super well! And that’s what matters.
(But it should totally be Marble!)
Smile on~!
Author's Notes:
Editor's note:
I really need to update that "signature"...Anyway, welcome back, dear readers, to Advice Pinks! Ponyville Gazette deeply apologizes for the long hiatus, but we will have more answers upcoming! We're not sure yet if they will be weekly or bi-weekly, but we'll do our best to get them out to you guys!
Click here for more information about the hiatus and what the heck was going on.
Also, a quick reminder that we are not yet accepting new questions. If you submit any, you run the risk of them being answered in months.