“Completely unable to stand upright because they are just too damn heavy, Electricorn Troopers are the biggest and nastiest of the Pink Army’s formidable infantry, much taller than an average pony, and bred to be the strongest and toughest clonies around. As if that wasn’t enough, they wear full-body suits of powered armour strong enough to stand up to pretty much anything less powerful than a missile, a bomb or a super-laser. Their purpose is to go hoof-to-hoof with battle tanks and other armoured vehicles, and generally speaking, to attack one with bullets is not advised, unless you’ve got a lot of bullets.

The most impressive thing about them is their weapons, though; huge Thunder Coils built onto their gas mask-like helmets that stick about a meter into the air in front of them. The Coils are hooked up to a pair of nuclear batteries on the backs of their suits, and can throw a bolt of supercharged lighting about a hundred feet; whatever that lightning hits will look much worse than it did before the Electricorn noticed it. Bottom line, whoever you are, Electricorn Troopers are extremely bad news. Their only real weakness is that lightning can’t hit anything that’s flying. That and the fact that every now and again their batteries will suddenly break, causing the unlucky Electricorn to explode.

Important note: while not a rarity, under no circumstances rely on this happening in battle.”

Equestrian Army Field Guide, “Electricorn Trooper”

The three of them left Squeezie’s MCW behind and, because of the intense cold, hastily made their way through Snowball Base and headed directly for the HQ building. Snowball wasn’t a huge army base, but it was one of the biggest in the east, and was more or less a big collection of concrete buildings, sheds, huge tents, fuel tanks, helipads and nuclear reactors surrounded by an armoured brick wall and several formidable Thunder Towers, designed to throw lethal bolts of lightning at any enemy of the Soviet Republic stupid enough to get too close to them. They trudged through the ankle-deep snow, avoiding the deeper parts, and hardly exchanged a word; they didn’t meet anyone or anything either, because only a complete idiot or someone who was getting paid would be outside on a night like this.

Twist and Jalissa were as they’d been before, but Squeezie had changed into his Commander’s winter uniform, stuck his auto-arms to his forelegs and was now uncomfortably walking around upright. Usually it wasn’t so bad, but the day’s fighting had left him a bit on the sore and bruised side of things. He’d tied his tangly mane into a ponytail, put on a peaked Pink Army cap much like Twist’s and slipped into a dark, pink-trimmed leather coat with a couple of his small and boring medals pinned to the chest. He was also wearing a scarlet-coloured woollen sweater under the coat, because even for a creature covered in fur like him, it was pretty damn cold.

Eventually they reached the Headquarters. It was a pretty nice, two-storey brick building, complete with windows, chimneys and a proper roof. It definitely looked a lot better than all the concrete and metal garages and barracks surrounding it. On either side of the front door, two Soviet Smiling Star flags fluttered in the breeze from tall flagpoles. There were also a couple of Electricorn Troopers guarding the entrance; that meant there was definitely a General inside.

The three of them climbed some concrete steps, heading for the door, and Squeezie looked the two anti-tank Electricorns up and down. Electricorns were pretty much the fighting elite of the Pink Army, and had more in common with the tanks they were supposed to fight than your average Dragoon or Alliance Custodian. Their armour was painted grey and white for winter camouflage, there were Smiling Stars on their shoulder pauldrons and the reflective glass eyes of their helmets glowed a bright red. All in all, they looked pretty cool.

Looking at them, Squeezie couldn’t shake the sight of seeing Electricorns in battle, though. They were supposed to fight vehicles, but Troopers really loved to blow stuff up with the big bolts of lightning they shot from their metal horns, so usually what happens when you ask them for help is that they go crazy, happily zapping any bad guys or girls they can see. Basically, when a flesh-and-blood creature was hit by an Electricorn, all the water in their bodies instantly boiled, turning to steam, and the poor whatever would expand like a balloon in the blink of an eye and explode violently in a shower of hot gas and other stuff. Squeezie was familiar with the sight, and it was one of many memories of his that he preferred not to revisit before dinner.

As they got closer, the two Electricorns stood to the side a little to let them pass.

“Hello, Comrade Bosses,” one of the Troopers said, his ridiculously deep clony accent muffled by his helmet’s air filters. “Boss General will be big smiling when he see you three come.”

Yeah, they were bigger than Dragoons, but not much smarter.

“Thank you, Comrades,” Squeezie said, smiling at them as he passed between the two perfectly still Troopers. He was ridiculously careful not to accidentally brush up against one of their long, sharp, metal horns as he passed; the unfortunate result would have been a rather overcooked roast Squeezie. He ducked ahead, opening the door for his two friends – or at least, his friend, and sort of acquaintance. Jalissa wiggled her eyebrows at him thankfully as she went on in, and Cinnamon Twist gave him a courteous little nod.

“Opening the door, for me of all ponies,” Cinnamon noticed as he plodded past. “You really have changed, Commander.”

Squeezie shrugged to himself as he went through. He’d never been able to work much out from Twist’s tone of voice, and even now he wasn’t sure if his old rival was giving him a backward insult or a subtle compliment. As he stepped through the doorway himself, closing the door behind him and lifting his auto-arm from the handle, he decided to think about it some other time.

Then, he turned around, faced into the Headquarters, and stopped still. He had not been expecting the sight that was waiting for him there.

The whole building was chaos. There were usually about four creatures in there, but tonight, there were dozens and dozens, some in and some out of uniform, all running in and out of doors, carrying papers and boxes or whatever and talking to each other very loudly. Several Dragoons, wearing their iconic masks, helmets, boots and pink coats, stood still against the walls with their trusty old rifles by their sides. Well, mostly still; one of them seemed to be playing with two grenades, happily tapping them against one another with his auto-arms and moving them around, like he was making them have a conversation in his head. No-one seemed to mind, and Squeezie sure wasn’t going to stop his fun. Anyway, every creature in the room wasn’t exactly crazy panicking, but they definitely weren’t calm; Squeezie didn’t like the look of it at all.

“Woah,” Jalissa said, whistling. “This is pretty cray.”

“Yeah,” Squeezie agreed dumbly. He’d been at Snowball Base for almost a year, and had never seen it anything like this here before. Or anywhere, really.

“The last time I saw activity anything like this,” Twist said quietly, crossing his forelegs, “Was the last time the Equestrians had a crack at us. Double that, and you have this here.”

Squeezie glanced at his old rival.

“What are you saying, Cinnamon?” he asked.

“I’m saying that I seriously, seriously doubt that all three of us just happened to be here tonight, and got called over here together to help sort paperwork because someone’s secretary is stuck in bed with the flu,” Twist replied. “We’re needed for something, Comrades. And by the looks of this, it’s going to be the highlight of our careers for quite some time.”

“Yeah, maybe, Twist,” Jalissa said dryly. “Or maybe the Entertainment Minister lost his daughter out in the wilderness again. This’d be what, the third time now?”

“There you are! D-D-D-DON’T MOVE!” something yelled at them from across the room.

Squeezie and his companions froze on the spot, looking over at where the sound had come from. A short, beige-coloured Earth stallion in a bad-fitting uniform was quickly limping upright across the room toward them. He was kinda short, his auto-arms were a couple sizes too big, and his blue-and-brown mane was cut extremely short. His expression was complicated, but if it had to be something, Squeezie would have called it scared. Squeezie also noticed that there was something odd about the stallion’s right eye; it didn’t quite look straight. His left arm was funny, too.

“The General wants to…!” the stallion began, before he walked straight into some unlucky pony that was trying to get past with their forelegs full of cardboard boxes. The limping stallion was knocked to the ground and the other pony staggered around for a few seconds, desperately trying to balance the stack of boxes, and then finally managed to. The pony with the boxes sighed with relief, shot the stallion an angry glance as he slowly got to his hindlegs, and continued on.

Squeezie took a few steps over to the guy who’d shouted at them a couple seconds before.

“Hi,” he said, holding out an auto-arm. “Do you need a hoof, Com…?”

“NO I DO NOT,” the stallion said loudly back, straightening up onto his back legs incredibly quickly. “You three! Jalissa, Twist, Heart, the General needs to see you immediately in his office. Not right now, because he is talking to someone else, but he will not be talking to someone else for long so you must follow me right away so that you can see him at once.”

“Cool,” Jalissa replied.

“WELL STOP STANDING THERE PLEASE,” the agitated stallion continued. He wasn’t really being rude, just insistent. “FOLLOW ME, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.”

The three of them exchanged some quick glances, and followed the limping stallion back across the main foyer, all very careful not to accidentally cause any more serious collisions. He led the three old schoolmates to the back of the room, through a double door, down a long hallway and finished up at a door on the left.

“We are here,” the stallion said clearly. “Here being the General’s office. Do you understand?”

“Y…” Squeezie began.

“EXCELLENT,” the Stallion interrupted, slamming the handle on the door with his auto-arm, pushing it open and hurling himself through. “COMRADE GENERAL! WE HAVE ARRIVED.”

Squeezie went into the room, followed closely by Jalissa and Cinnamon. It was a pretty basic thing, with the walls covered by shelves and cabinets, a single window that was completely blocked by snow and a large desk in the middle of the room. Sitting on a swivel chair, behind the desk, was General Zulu, a massive, bald zebra in a huge fluorescent pink overcoat. He was sitting with one elbow on the desk, looking at the four of them thoughtfully. There was also a slender, staggeringly beautiful Pegasus mare standing upright in front of the General, who’d turned slightly on her hindlegs to gaze curiously backward at the loud interruption. She was a creamy white colour, with a black and bright green mane and tail and bright red eyes, and was dressed in a dark Navy uniform. He recognized her as Captain Blaze, the famously beautiful and even more famously deadly submarine commander.

Squeezie shivered slightly. It was amazing to think that, at that moment, his childhood crush of way too many years was looking

him straight in the eye.

“Thank you, Sergeant Fritter,” Zulu said warmly. The only way his rich zebra accent could have deeper would have been if he was shouting it up from the bottom of a mine shaft. “Now, Miss Blaze, I believe we’ve chatted enough. You have your orders; and if I hear anything about any Alliance warships or other juicy targets you might bump into as you move your submarines south, I’ll be sure to send it on to you. Good hunting.”

Blaze bowed slightly.

“Duly noted, General,” she said smoothly, gracefully straightened her back, and saluted. “Glory to the Lady.”

Zulu saluted back, and Blaze turned around and briskly left the room, her long coat tails trailing in the air behind her. The four of them parted immediately to let her through. As she went, though, Blaze glanced at them all, one by one.

“Good luck, kids,” she said with a smile. “Make us proud.”

Jalissa and Squeezie exchanged confused glances. Twist didn’t react.

“Well, the three of you should come in,” the General continued. “And Fritter, well done, but you can leave now. I’ll send one of my assistants if I need you again.”

“YES, S-S-SIR, COMRADE GENERAL, S-S-SIR,” Fritter shouted, saluted spastically, turned around and fled Zulu’s office, slamming the door shut behind him. There was an awkward silence for a few moments, until Zulu broke it just in time.

“Poor bastard,” the fat zebra sighed. “Believe it or not, he was one of my brightest officers, a long time ago. Before his airship exploded over northern Equestria.”

Jalissa looked at Zulu, surprised.

“Exploded, Sir?” she asked, confused. “How did he make it out?”

“His left foreleg, right eyeball and spleen didn’t,” Zulu replied sadly. “But the rest of him fell 20,000 feet and landed on a passing hay cart. It was a billion to one chance, but he survived. Luckiest stallion on the face of the earth or not, poor old Fritter was never the same after he lived through it all. It’s all I can do to let him keep his job.”

There was another short silence.

“But anyway,” Zulu said loudly, clapping his leather-gloved auto-arms together. “You three are probably all wondering why you’re standing here in my office, and now that you’re all here, which I’m very glad to see, I should probably get to explaining why. Come, stand closer. But before we begin, anyone care for a drink?”

Squeezie and his companions walked up to the General’s desk. Zulu reached down, rummaged through a drawer, and pulled out four glasses and a bottle of vintage turnip vodka flavoured with strawberry essence and pine-needle dew.

Jalissa’s beak stretched into a wide smile at the sight of alcohol, and her eyes twinkled like stars.

“Oh, yes please, General,” she purred, rubbing her avian claws together hard enough to make her hardened scales squeak softly.

“Wait, did I ask?” Zulu said thoughtfully, putting the bottle and glassware down on the desk. “I apologize, young ones, that wasn’t a question. You all look like you’ve been out a few minutes too many in the snow; this little bottle of Soviet Tears, though, should help you some, General's orders. Colonel, would you mind?”

“But of course, Comrade General!” Jalissa said, picking up the vodka, sticking a clawtip into the cork and popping it in a single, well-practiced motion. As she poured out some shots, Zulu continued.

“Well, young Comrades,” he said, settling down in his swivel chair. “You’ve no doubt seen all the tank divisions driving around here at the base, and witnessed first-hoof how busy the Headquarters have become tonight. The reason for this is that a massive operation is scheduled to begin, very, very soon. And it will go down in history for many years to come, I believe. Ah, Colonel! Generous with your liquor as always I see, ha ha! Poured like a true Soviet, I like to say. Pass us a glass, would you? There’s a good girl.”

Jalissa distributed the shots, one to each creature in the room. When she passed Squeezie his slightly overfilled glass, he reached out an auto-arm; but, she held it back at the last second, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Remember, featherweight,” she whispered. “Drink it slow. I don’t want to have to explain to Tickles why you decided to go to sleep two hours early and then threw up all over her cushions.”

Hilarious, Squeezie mouthed at her as he took the glass.

Meanwhile, Twist was talking.

“With all due respect, General,” he said calmly. “None of us, or any of our Comrades, had any idea that such a major operation was planned. It’s all been a great surprise, really. May I ask why there was no prior warning? Is this a matter of secrecy?”

“Not exactly, Commander,” Zulu said, smiling and peering at Twist while holding his shot of vodka in one auto-arm. “To be quite honest with you, it was not until very recently that even I was aware that the Pink Army had such important business. This very evening, in fact. But for now, let us drink a toast, Comrades! To the Soviet Pony Republic; may she stand a thousand years, resist a thousand foes and prosper long under the great leadership of the Lady.”

“To the Lady,” the three young officers said together.

Zulu and Jalissa immediately threw back their shots like they were drinking apple juice, Twist sipped at his glass of hard spirits elegantly, and Squeezie hesitated with his own half-raised to his mouth. If he wanted his throat to burn he’d set fire to petrol and drink that, which was more or less what it was like to drink the more expensive brands of northern vodka. As a Soviet pony he’d drink his, no question about it, but he did need to gather his courage a little first.

“Well,” Zulu finally said, slamming his glass down on the table. “Let me delay no more. The task I have for you three is simple, but one that bears a most heavy burden of responsibility. It is my wish, and the wishes of many others, that you young patriots lead the imminent invasion of the Equestrian mainland by the armies of the Soviet Republic.”

Jalissa and Twist’s eyes widened in shock, and of course, Squeezie had chosen that moment to gulp some vodka. The combination of the news and the alcohol was too much for him, and he exploded into a short but intense coughing fit. As he chocked and wheezed, struggling to remain standing straight, Jalissa helpfully gave him a few pats on the back.

Zulu gave Squeezie a disapproving stare.

“Easy does it, little guy,” the General said dryly.

The burning in his throat had finally started to die down. Squeezie took a deep breath, and blinked as many of the tears from his eyes as he could. There were a lot of things going through his head at that moment; first all, his mind was reeling from the revelation that a war with Equestria was coming. Every Soviet citizen and his dog knew how violent and destructive the last fight with the Alicorns’ kingdom had been, and if another one came, it could easily be twice as bad. It was funny to think that there was a very real chance that thousands of lives, including innocent ones, were about to be lost; he’d need to worry about that later though.

But then again, if the Pink Army won, Equestria would be liberated, and its citizens free. Squeezie was pretty familiar with the stories of what life was like for the unfortunate ordinary ponies that lived there, and maybe, he would get a chance to help them out.

“I’m okay,” he heaved. “But, General Zulu, Sir, if I could just ask one question…”

“Go on, son,” Zulu said.

“You’re quite sure that we’re going to invade Equestria? The whole country?”

Zulu put on a monocle and studied a piece of paper on his desk.

“Yep,” the zebra confirmed. “Soviet…Republic…invades…Equestria. That’s definitely what’s written down just there.”

“But, Sir,” Squeezie continued, confused. “An attack like that would need the entire Pink Army to even hope to win! There are still hundreds of thousands of Changelings to the Republic’s east, maybe even millions, and we’re no closer to finding their Queen. We’d be fighting two wars, with no chance of winning either!”

“Good point, but you are mistaken, Commander Heart,” Zulu replied. “I’ve been informed that, from now on, the Changelings will no longer threaten the Soviet Republic in any way whatsoever.”

“Has there been some kind of negotiation?” Twist asked.

“No, well, maybe, but a fairly one-sided one. Last night, I have been told that the Lady’s Pink Shadows were deployed to an as-yet unknown location to the east, where the Changeling’s central hive is located. Their mission was to capture Queen Carapace and her only remaining daughter, and naturally, this mission was a total success. Let’s just say that, along with the influence of a specially grown toxic fungus that our agents have been slipping into their camps and villages, once their two remaining leaders were taken prisoner the rest of the parasite horde was extremely willing to talk about surrendering with us.”

Squeezie raised an eyebrow. The Pink Shadows were a small team of elite snipers, so secret that quite a few Soviet citizens weren’t even sure that they existed. He’d definitely never seen one of them himself. Anyway, according to various legends they were completely separate from the Pink Army, and there was only one pony that the Shadows took their orders from: the Pink Lady herself. They were also the best of the best of the best, and a single rumour that a Shadow was lurking around was enough to cheer up Soviet soldiers better than a broken down vodka truck, and of course, strike pants-wetting terror into the hearts of the Republic’s enemies. The Shadows were not fond of letting their fat, juicy targets go walking off.

But for now, Squeezie had more important questions to ask.

“A special fungus?” Squeezie asked. “How many will it kill?”

“As many as 90% of the population,” Zulu replied. “By now, roughly 30% of them have already died, and they have no queens to fart out any more. Those filthy, chittering worms won’t think of raising a tooth against the Republic for a very long now, ha ha.”

Commander Heart wasn’t quite sure what to think about that. How long had the army had this magical anti-Changeling fungus? Why hadn’t anyone been told about it? And why had it been used right now, at almost exactly the same time it was announced that another war was about to begin, and not before, when it could have saved a few lives since lost in the fighting? His gut told him not to bother Zulu with his thoughts, which was exactly what he did. Squeezie Heart liked the cruel, back-stabbing, shape-shifting insectoids that had plagued the Republic ever since its creation no more or less than any other Soviet, but solving the war with a bio-engineered mass plague sounded uncomfortably like some kind of genocide to him.

Again, though, not the time to ask.

“Understood, Sir,” Squeezie said, saluting apologetically. “I’m extremely glad to hear that all that’s been taken care of, Sir. Sorry for the distraction, Sir.”

Zulu shrugged.

“Eh, it’s alright. Anyway, here’s what is going to happen. This Wednesday, the morning after tomorrow, you, Commander Twist, will be placed in command of a large invasion force that will land on the beaches of Vanhoover. You will share this position with an old student of mine, Lieutenant Twitchy Brows, who will oversee the invasion as a whole and ensure that all runs according to my detailed plan. Your duty will be to secure the city from Allied forces as rapidly as possible, so that the rest of the Pink Army can land there without danger. To do this, you will have access to the finest weapons and troops in the Soviet Republic.”

Twist bowed his head.

“I’m honoured, General,” he said respectfully. “I will execute this mission as flawlessly as I can.”

Zulu nodded.

“That is why you were picked for the job, young Comrade. And you, Colonel,” he said, turning to Jalissa. “From this night you will be Colonel no more, because I am promoting you to the rank of Air Commander. In addition to your own you will receive an additional two Multicopter squadrons to personally command, and you will give your two Comrades here help from the air in the likely event that they will need it.”

Jalissa smiled, and then saluted.

“Thanks, Comrade General!” she barked. “If they try anything funny, I’ll show ‘em what the Soviet Air Force is made of.”

Zulu laughed.

“I see the vodka is working already! Good,” he said, then turned to Squeezie, and paused for a moment before continuing. “And you, little Commander Heart. I have for you a very special job, not the biggest, but definitely not the easiest, that much I know. On the morning of the invasion you will lead your amphibious transports and Dragoons and land them on the beach before any other Soviet forces arrive. Your task is to secure it for your Comrade Commander Twist here, report to him what kinds of Alliance resistance he can expect to meet in Vanhoover, and then await his arrival. You, and your soldiers, will be the very first Soviet patriots to stand on Equestrian soil in this glorious coming war.”

Squeezie blinked a few times. It was quite an honour, being the first to set hoof on the beach, but it did sound awfully like he and his Dragoons would be some kind of first wave. And of course, in the Pink Army the general idea of a first wave was that most of them would die.

But, he wasn’t about to say no.

“Commander?” Zulu asked again, leaning over his desk toward Squeezie. “Is there a problem?”

Squeezie snapped back into reality; he’d let his mind wander.

“Uh, yes, Sir! I mean, no, Sir, there’s no problem. I am greatly humbled by this opportunity to serve the Republic in such an important and glorious manner. I guarantee to you that, with our forces united, our Soviet victory will be most swift indeed!”

Zulu nodded slowly.

“Uh-huh,” he said.

There was an awkward silence. Squeezie swore at himself in his head; he’d succeeded in making himself sound like some kind of fresh Academy graduate who’d never held a gun in his auto-arms before, and by Zulu’s unimpressed expression, it did not look like the General thought that putting him in charge of the first wave of the invasion of Equestria was a good idea.

“Is there anything else, Comrade General?” Jalissa said at last.

“No there is not, Comrade Commander,” the zebra replied. “You should all probably leave now, and perhaps go to sleep; you will all be given more detailed orders tomorrow morning, and by the afternoon, the three of you will be on your ways to battle. I wish you all the very best of luck, young Comrades, which you will not need of course with unstoppable Soviet might on your side. And, I think I will look forward to seeing you all safe, well and victorious in Equestria in two day’s time very, very much. Dismissed.”

The three young soldiers saluted together, turning one by one to leave.

“Yes, Sir. Good night, Sir,” Squeezie said robotically.

“Comrade General,” Twist said softly, nodding.

“Later, General Z!” Jalissa chirped with a wide smile.

“Wait,” Zulu suddenly said, rising up from his chair onto his hindlegs, and straightening up his greatcoat with his auto-arms. He fixed his eyes on Squeezie. Oh, shit, the skinny little stallion thought to himself with a hopefully inaudible gulp.

“Except you, Commander Heart,” the zebra said sternly. “I want you to stay with me for a little bit longer, if that is not so impossible.”

Squeezie froze on the spot. He was probably screwed.

He turned around to Twist and Jalissa. Cinnamon gave him a sympathetic look, nodded a goodbye, and left. Jalissa gave him a quick smile.

“I’ll be back at ya Wagon, Squeezer,” she whispered warmly. “I’ll see you there when you’re done, kay? See ya.”

With that, Jalissa plodded out, closed the door, leaving Squeezie alone in the office of the high-ranking soldier he was pretty certain hated his guts. So, Squeezie turned around, faced the General, and stood with his auto-arms behind his back and his neck straight.

If he was about to cop a licking, then at least he could try to do so with dignity.

Zulu just stood behind his desk for a few moments, looking at Squeezie. So, the short stallion figured he’d try to break the ice himself.

“Is there something I can do for you, General Zulu?” he asked.

The General shook his head.

“No, little Comrade, there is not. Tell me, and tell me honestly, because I will not be very pleased if you do not tell me honestly, and I’ve been told enough lies to notice one easily. This mission that you have just been given; does it trouble you?”

Squeezie hesitated, but only for a heartbeat.

“Yes it does, Sir,” Squeezie replied. It was the simple truth.

“Why,” Zulu replied.

“Because, Sir, I’ll be starting a war,” he said glumly. “If I fail, then the first action of the Soviet Republic’s invasion of Equestria will be a, well…”

“A total clusterfuck, yes?” Zulu finished for him. “One which will make your entire country a bumbling laughing stock, and you the single pony held responsible.”

“Well, ha, yes, I guess so, General,” Squeezie said, covering his mouth to hide his laugh. It wasn’t a regular laugh, about half of it was due to fear, but whatever. As long as Zulu couldn’t hear how fast his heart was going, he’d be all right.

“You’re honest, son, I appreciate that,” Zulu continued, glancing down to look at a picture on his desk. Squeezie couldn’t see what was on it, it was turned away from him. “And if any soldier wasn’t bothered a little by the idea of getting killed, then they’d have no place in the army, as far as I’m concerned. But if this is too much for you, well, maybe you should consider another career.”

“No, Sir,” Squeezie blurted. He winced, chewed his lip, and started again. “Sorry, General, I’m not trying to say that I don’t feel I can follow these orders, I do. I guess that after all my time hunting bugs here in the frontiers, I wasn’t expecting such an important task.”

“Still being honest I see,” Zulu observed. The zebra sighed, reached one of his gold-plated auto-arms down onto the desk, and turned the little picture around towards him.

Squeezie looked at it. It looked like some kind of faded graduation photo, with about thirty mares and stallions standing in some kind of garden in two rows, one sitting down on chairs, the other standing upright behind. They were all dressed in bright blue Equestrian police uniforms, complete with little caps, and they were smiling like crazy. Squeezie cast his eye across the picture, and noticed a grinning, slightly fat young zebra standing in the back row, to the right.

“Spotted me yet?” Zulu asked.

“Yes, Sir,” Squeezie said, pointing with a mechanical finger. “That’s you there.”

“Yep,” the zebra replied. Zulu picked up the photo and held it in front of himself, peering at it through his monocle. “Anyway, I think it’s about time I explained why I picked you, little Commander Heart, to start this war over every other young Commander in the Pink Army. You see this picture? It was taken about thirty years ago now, when I graduated from the Equestrian Police Academy in Manehattan. My entire life I had dreamed of catching bad guys and making Equestria a place that was good, or better, at least.”

“What happened?” Squeezie asked.

“I was a cop for three years,” Zulu continued. “In that time I had a great boss, a wonderful old stallion who was brave, kind, and as straight as an arrow. I loved it, son, I got to beat up street thugs every single day! But then, you see, things changed. All I know is that my boss had a disagreement with some kind of government agent, who’d been sent in to see that a couple of strange new guys that no-one had seen before were put in charge. I heard an argument, and that argument was the last time I ever heard anything from my old boss. The next day, he’d disappeared.”

Squeezie nodded his head. He believed it; he’d heard similar stories before, and also seen enough to know that most of them were true.

“But that wasn’t when I left,” Zulu continued. “I left the next day, when my unit was ordered to arrest a mare of twenty-four years and her infant daughter. I asked what they had done, and was told to shut up, or else. Scared the shit out of me it did, but I was always a good little officer though, so I was about to do it when I heard from a friend that they had done nothing wrong.”

‘Why were they being arrested?” Squeezie asked.

“They were the girlfriend and daughter of some unicorn. An investigator, who had published a book about the Fourth Alicorn, Princess Something Sparkle, and a certain controversy about a scientist who had revealed details about an experiment of hers that had somehow killed a few test subjects and had had some kind of accident. The book had sold well, you see, but I think that someone did not want it to sell so well.

“Anyway, I went back to my new boss, and told him no. I was booted out on the spot, and they weren’t very nice about it. So I went home with no job, and in two days, girlfriend and baby had turned up in some back street. Apparently, she had died of a drug overdose, and the little one had frozen to death in her arms overnight. I knew that was wrong, though, and when I heard the news, I had never been more scared in my life. And the next day, the investigator had thrown himself off the side of a building before the police could get him. Right then, I realized the truth about this Equestrian Kingdom, and those Alicorns that ruled it. So ten years later, I was a part of the tiny Pink Party. Ten years after that, I was leading soldiers in the Rebellion, and now, I am a General.”

Squeezie paused to take it all in before he spoke again.

“I’m sorry, General,” he said sympathetically. “That’s terrible.”

“Bah! I got over it a long time ago, son, anything can be cured with hard work and many victories. Anyway, come with me, we should have a quick walk up to the balcony. You look like you could do with some fresh air, Comrade.”

Zulu walked over to the wall and pushed a cabinet to the side, revealing a hidden door. He opened it and beckoned Squeezie to follow him, which he did, and found himself and the General in a tight, spiralling staircase. The General started to climb, and Squeezie followed.

“Anyway, now that long story is over,” Zulu continued, lumbering up the stairs with an auto-arm sliding up the metal hoof rail. “I will say this: I did not become a General to get revenge, little Comrade Commander, or to destroy this evil Equestria and its Princesses who deserve to be locked away forever. I became a General because there were a lot of creatures, ponies, mules, bison, griffons, all kinds of things living there that I liked, lots of kind souls who would like the entire world to be a better place. But it is ruled by four Alicorns that no-one can challenge, no-one can say no to, and that share all the power in the country between themselves. I wanted to fix that, Comrade, to make Equestria the sunny paradise with colourful cities, green forests and meadows, and happy little towns and villages it was always supposed to be. And I think you can help me with this.”

“Why me, Comrade General?” Squeezie asked.

“I will tell you,” Zulu said as the two of them came up to a metal door. The General turned the handle, swung it out, and they stepped out onto some kind of empty guard tower, walking up to the edge. From where they were, they could see every tent, hangar, building and nuclear reactor in Snowball Base, and beyond that, the snowy plains of the Republic’s eastern frontier with their frozen rivers, clusters of boulders and little patches of snow-covered trees, and beyond those, the great ring of mountains surrounding them on the horizon. The snow had stopped falling, and every now and again, a starry sky and a half-full moon shone down through the gaps in the clouds.

“What a view,” Squeezie breathed.

“Yep,” Zulu said, pointing an auto-arm finger at the sky. “Look straight up.”

Squeezie leaned forward over the railing, and saw a formation of five huge, armoured Pink Army Bomber Balloons slowly flying south directly overhead. The massive light-brown airships were flying in and out of puffs of grey cloud, making a low-pitched buzzing noise with their red and green navigation lights flashing on and off in the darkness. Squeezie could see the pink star symbols on their tails, and on the noses of the airships, huge, and somehow rather terrifying smiling faces had been painted. It was an incredible relief to Squeezie that the Bomber Balloons were on his side in the coming war – unless, of course, you were unlucky enough to have one crash on top of you.

“An impressive sight, yes?” Zulu said, looking up at them. “I remember when he had exactly three of those in the entire Pink Army. And now, we have dozens. How times do change, eh?”

“Yeah,” Squeezie agreed. “I’ve never seen five of them together out here.”

“That’s General Cookie up there,” Zulu explained, “A good friend and old rival of mine. She’s moving her airships south, to meet up with Admiral Plod and the rest of the Pink Navy for the voyage to Equestria. For a mare of eighty she’s a tough old fox, she is, and after a couple of shots she turns into quite a she-bear! If this invasion goes well, Commander, you’ll end up meeting her yourself.”

“Sounds like I should look forward to that, Sir,” Squeezie said, half honestly.

A couple of moments later, Cookie’s Bomber Balloons had disappeared into the clouds, and silence once again descended on the Base. There was a short silence before Zulu continued.

“You know, I haven’t always liked you much, little Comrade.”

“You haven’t, General?” Squeezie asked gingerly.

“No,” Zulu continued. “Sometimes, when I would ask you to do something, you did the opposite thing, and I afterwards I really wanted to strangle you like a snake. You also did things in some very, very strange ways. All this made you a hard little Commander to work with.”

There wasn’t really much for Squeezie to say to that. So he just stood there awkwardly, and waited for the General to continue with reminding him of his flaws.

“But even after all the times you made me boil inside like a coffee pot, there were always other things I noticed about you. How your Dragoons respect you like a brother. How your fellow officers, even the ones that don’t like you, appreciate how polite and respectful you are. How you put yourself and your career at risk without hesitating the moment you hear that somewhere nearby a life is at stake. A long time ago, little Comrade, I believed that the new Pink Army would be a force of heroes, who would do no wrong in their crusade for liberation. Since then, I have seen how I was so very wrong; there are many in our ranks who wouldn’t think twice about sacrificing one, ten or even a hundred innocents to kill just one single enemy soldier. But then, a pony like you comes along, and gives me just a little hope, Comrade.

“I chose you to begin the invasion, Commander Heart, for a few reasons. It will mean that the first Pink Army Commander that the ponies of Equestria will see is an honourable soldier who will be very careful not to waste a single life if he can help it. And secondly, I chose you because for two years now you and your tiny force of clonies have stood against odds that only the Republic’s best could hope to trot away from alive and well, and not only have you lost precious few of your soldiers, but I do not believe that you have a single military failure to your name. If there is any pony that could land on that beach first and make it out okay, I think that it is you. Even though I have no doubt that by my standards, you will win in the strangest and most wrong way possible. But, the most important reason? With a little work, Comrade, I believe that you could go on in this war to become quite the hero of the Soviet Republic, and perhaps even beyond.”

Squeezie snorted. The General was definitely right about that; he had quite a reputation for failing to follow orders completely, but still winning at whatever by a long shot. At any rate, he was pleasantly surprised. He wasn’t used to getting many compliments, and the last place he’d expected to get any was from Zulu. With all the jerks and douches out there in the world, it was nice that one old zebra wasn’t so unfriendly any more.

“Thank you, Sir,” he ended up saying. “That means a lot to me, really.”

Zulu nodded, with a satisfied smile.

“Good,” he said. “And how do you feel about going home now, Squeezie?”

“I feel like showing them what they missed out on,” he replied confidently. “You know, if I hadn’t left Equestria, come here and joined the Pink Army, but, instead, I’d stayed there, joined up the Alliance, and become, you know, some kind of Commander…there…um… I’m ready for it, Sir!”

Zulu peered at him, then turned back to the scenery.

“Go to bed, Commander,” the General said. “That’s a direct order. You’ll need every snatch of it you can get in a couple of days, believe me there.”

Squeezie saluted.

“Yes, Sir. Night, Sir.”

He then turned around and went back through the guard tower door. As he did, Zulu turned to him one last time, and winked.

“I’ll see you in Vanhoover, little Comrade,” Zulu said warmly. “And tell your friendly sister sometime that I am sorry for the remark about the peanut fritters. I hear that it hurts her greatly still.”

Squeezie paused, turning around to look back at Zulu.

“I believe it was actually a popcorn cake, Sir,” he replied.

Zulu raised an eyebrow.

“Popcorn?” he repeated slowly. “Those little crunchy things were popcorns? Then, how did I get the allergic reactions…?”

One twenty-minute hike on his hindlegs later, Squeezie was back at his MCW. Jalissa had left the front door unlocked, of course, so it wasn’t very hard for him to let himself in. He took off his fancy hat and coat, hanging them on the hooks on the hallway wall, and sat down on a little wooden crate just inside the door to pull his boots off his sweaty hindlegs. He rubbed his sore hooves with his auto-arms, then rose back onto his legs and plodded down the hall.

It was pretty quiet, which was unusual. A combination of Jalissa and Tickles in the same building was usually the perfect recipe for quite a lot of noise.

“Hello?” he said softly, pushing doors open and checking each room as he went down the hall. There was no-one in the bathroom or the laundry, no shocks there, but when he carefully nudged the bedroom door a little bit, he was greeted by the sight of Tickles lying sprawled on her back over their double bed, all tangled up in the tattered old blanket with the ladybug pattern. She was totally asleep, and her round, whitish-grey stomach was gently rising and falling as she breathed noisily through her very open mouth.

Squeezie crept on the tips of his hooves over to the bed, gently untangled the quilt and half-covered her with it, then carefully walked back out, flicking off the light as he went. He turned around to give her one last look before he left the room. It was funny to think that he was about to go home to Equestria after all these years, and after the hell they both went through trying to escape to the Republic. Of course things would be different this time, because Squeezie was not a tiny little colt any more, and also, he had a small but deadly army.

But the last time he’d stepped on Equestrian soil, his older sister had been a normal older sister, who’d been there to look after him after their mother vanished and they were left alone in Ponyville as the Rebellion tore it apart. Now, he was the older brother, even if he was a few years younger than Tickles. Whatever happened, there would be a lot of painful memories waiting for Commander Squeezie Heart when he arrived in Vanhoover.

Feeling like something normal to drink, Squeezie strolled into the living room, where Jalissa was once again folded comfortably into his best chair. She was eating half a cheese and clover pizza that she’d found in the fridge, and was just posting the last piece into her beak when he walked in. She turned towards him, with a blank expression.

“Tickles said I could have it,” she said around her mouthful of pizza, spraying dozens of tiny crumbs onto the floor. “For weak-ass

pony vegetarian food, is pretty good.”

Squeezie nodded with a smile, and pulled off his auto-arms, one after the other, which he dropped on the sofa. He flopped onto all fours and trotted into the kitchen, filling himself a glass of water.

"You were gone a while," the griffon observed. "Was General Z telling another one of those long-ass stories?"

"Yeah, he was. Not a bad one, actually. Kinda sad though."

"I'll bet, he's one tough motherfucker. A very friendly and honest motherfucker, though."

"Yep," Squeezie agreed, screwing the water tap closed with his mouth.

There was a short silence.

“Well,” Jalissa continued, “This is it, bro. The big one. We’re invading Equestria.”

“I know, sister,” Squeezie replied, taking the glass in both hooves and sipping it. “It’s crazy. I have, like, no idea what to think, Jalissa. We could get killed, both of us.”

“So business as usual? Come on, Squeezie, grow a pair. You’re been out here in the middle of fucking nowhere for years with a shitty job, and Zulu has just handed you the chance to become one of the most famous officers in the Soviet Republic. If you pull this mission off, and keep pulling them off, hell, you could make a bloody General by the end of the year.”

“I’m not that amazing,” Squeezie said, turning around and strolling back to her. “Just another very lucky soldier. By the way, I’m really happy you made Commander, Jalissa.”

The griffon clapped her claws.

“Ha! Thanks for reminding me dude, I’m pretty crazy happy too! I mean it was always just a matter of time, with my awesome reputation and everything, but still, it’s great that it finally happened. Ha ha. Anyway, here’s hoping I get to finally scratch a few Mechasus kills onto my record.”

“Yeah,” Squeezie said warmly, sitting himself on a couch and thinking.

“This war is going to be massive, Jalissa,” he said, staring at the table.

“Yep,” Jalissa said, picking some dirt out from under one of her claws.

“I mean, huge, big,” Squeezie continued. “The Soviet Republic against the Equestrian Alliance. If the Lady really ordered this to happen, it could go for years and years. Thousands of ponies, and all kinds of other creatures are gonna die.”

“And how many Equestrians die every year so that the Alicorns can feel like there isn’t going to be a second Rebellion any time soon?” Jalissa said, annoyed. “Come on, pony boy, here was me thinking that you’d be too smart for this. We can’t just write those Alicorns a pretty please letter asking them nicely to stop brutally oppressing their citizens. We’ve gotta go there ourselves and stop ‘em, up close and personal! And if anyone’s going to pull something like that off, it’s us Soviets.”

“Or the sea ponies,” Squeezie pointed out.

Jalissa waved a claw in the air.

“Bah, those limp-dicked Imperials couldn’t be bothered to crawl out of the ocean if their mad-ass Emperor told them that Equestrian Earth ponies were made of fucking candy, or fish salad, or whatever those aquatic freaks eat. And even if they did, they couldn’t even handle Equestria, let alone us. I don’t think that they even have 20,000 soldiers in their army.”

“True,” Squeezie pointed out. “But all of those soldiers are either cyborgs, ninjas, or ride around in giant transforming robots.”

“I’d like to see how one of those robots would do against an Apinkalypse Tank,” Jalissa replied. “Who the hell would think it’s a good idea to fight a war with giant fucking robots? Those things are like big-ass, noisy ‘shoot me’ signs painted all yellow and red and shit.”  

“Yeah, I guess,” Squeezie said. Jalissa had a good point; the Aquestrian Empire, for some reason, seemed to prefer robotic mechas to tanks, which was a pretty stupid decision to be honest. As awesome as a giant robot looks, they are generally pretty impractical, especially compared to something like a Soviet tank. “I guess I’m just a little nervous. If this war with Equestria turns into some kind of long stalemate, it might be a pretty good chance for the Empire to try and take us both out at once.”

“Yeah, but that’s assuming that we do badly,” Jalissa, giving him a confident smile. “Do you really think that the Pink Army’s going to cock this one up?”

“I hope not, Jalissa,” Squeezie sighed, settling a little deeper into his couch. “I hope not.”

“Yep,” Jalissa said, suddenly rising onto her feet. “Well, Squeezie, as awesome as it would be to go on yakking all night, I need to hit the sack, and so do you. Mind if I snuggle up next to Tickles in that double bed back there? It’s the only place I think I’ll fit, you see. You’ve got somewhere else in this thing to crash, right?”

“Here’s all right,” Squeezie said, nodding at the sofa he was sitting on.

“If you say so, dude,” Jalissa said. She stretched herself, bumping her claws against the ceiling, and yawned. “Anyway, sleep well, little brother. I’m glad I could drop by!”

“Me too, Jalissa,” Squeezie said, closing an eye as she ruffled his mane while she was walking out. The griffon paused, though, just inside the door.

“Oh, Squeezie,” she said, turning around. “That reminds me. What’s gonna happen with Tickles?”

“Huh?” he asked, looking around at her.

“You’re going to war, son,” Jalissa pointed out. “And you’re going to be taking this Wagon thing here with you, right? Well, what’s

Tickles going to do?”

Squeezie paused and thought.

“I guess she’s going to come with me,” he said.

Jalissa gave him a hard look.

“You know, Squeezie, you look after your sister. I respect that, I respect that a lot. But one land mine, one Mechasus rocket, one anti-tank grenade and this thing could blow up like a house-sized balloon. You want Tickles to be in here if that happens?”

Squeezie felt a knotty feeling in his gut. Jalissa was right, if Tickles went with him, not only was that technically not allowed (not that it mattered, the Pink Army wasn’t really that keen on checking its officers for pets and family members and things like that) he’d also be putting her life in some very real danger. But, now that he thought about it, he didn’t have much of a choice.

“Well, what else could I do, Jalissa,” he said sadly. “We don’t have any friends here in the Republic; or at least, anyone I could leave Tickles with. I’m not going to stick her in some kind of home for, well, ponies that are a little bit different. That is never going to happen. So, she’s going to come with me, and for as long as this invasion goes she won’t be leaving my side. If one of us has to die, then we’ll both die together. I won’t let anything else happen.”

“You don’t always have the luxury of choice in these kinds of things, dude,” Jalissa sighed. “But, I guess you have a point about leaving her behind. Still, doesn’t sit right with me. Some of our buddies are probably going to die, but I really don’t wanna see Tickles go. Or you. Like, seriously.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Squeezie replied. “I do wish I had another choice, Jalissa; believe me, I really do. But here we both are, Soviet Commanders, and we’ve been given a job: we’re going to help remove those Alicorns from power, free the creatures they’ve conquered and turn Equestria back into what it was always meant to be: a pony kingdom, run by actual ponies. But not even that will make me leave my sister behind.”

“Fuck yeah to that,” Jalissa agreed. “Look bro, you’re making the right decision here, I know that, and it’s wrong of me to bitch about it. Just as long as you’re sure you’re making a call that you’re not going to regret later.”

Squeezie smiled, shaking his head.

“I have no idea if I’m going to regret it later or not, Jay,” he said. “But, whatever happens, it’s the only decision I can make. Family is family, and Tickles is all I’ve got.”

Jalissa nodded thoughtfully.

“Yeah, about that,” she continued. “Squeezie, I have no idea what Zulu talked to you about after I left, and I don’t give a shit because it’s no business of mine. But, I gotta ask you this. I know you went through a lot of shit in Equestria when you was little. I know how you lost your Dad, I know how your Ma disappeared, and I know how you two were both left all alone. I’ll be honest; that’s some tough shit bro, but I’m not trying to bring it all back here. I need to ask you this, because I’m your friend, and I don’t want any more bad shit to happen to you, if I can help it. You’re ready for this, right, Squeezie? You're all mentally prepared and shit? You’re ready to go home again, maybe for a while?”

Squeezie scratched himself on the cheek with a hoof, pondering her question.

“To be honest, I don’t know, Jalissa,” he said, staring at the table again. “You’re right, I’m a bit of a mess, especially in the head; but that isn’t news to anyone, is it? Psycho Squeezie, and all that. One thing I do know is this, though: I’m good at fighting, as good as just about anyone, or anypony, out there. I’ve been avoiding a lot of my…mental problems all my life, but now I’m going back, I think there’s a chance I might sort some of it out, you know, by retracing my steps a little. I’ll have you around, and Tickles, so I should be okay. And when this invasion thing starts, well, all I can say is this: for too long I’ve been fighting shape-shifting bugs that can’t really fight at all. But I’m about to get a chance to show what I can do fighting some real bad guys, Alliance bad guys. And I’m pretty damn sure that when this is all over, there’s going to be a long list of all kinds of things that aren’t gonna want to mess with me, my friends and the Pink Army ever again.”

Jalissa nodded her approval, beaming at him.

“Ooh,” she giggled. “I’m getting tingles, bro! It’s like you’re whole new Squeezie all of a sudden, one with a taste for the fine art of kicking ass. This is going to be fuckin’ awesome.”

Squeezie smiled back at her.

“We’ll see, Raptor Girl,” he said simply. “We shall see."

Next Chapter: Chapter 1.5, Twice the Royalty Estimated time remaining: 22 Minutes