Diary Entry One: May 27, 2014

Dear Diary..

Twilight told me to write in this book to help keep track of my thoughts and emotions. She said if there’s anything I wanted to tell someone, but didn’t feel comfortable with doing that, I could tell this diary. Heh, she even said that maybe one day, when I have passed on, that somepony may dig it up and it’d become famous. I bet that’d never happen. I’m not special, and I probably have nothing special to put in this little book. But hey, she managed to get a green and purple one, so I’m happy.

Anyways, I should introduce myself to you… pony or whatever from the future! I am Spike the Dragon… yeah, a dragon! Isn't that cool? Meh, you future ponies probably don’t find that surprising. Anyways, I am purple with green spikes on my head and tail with green fin ears and a light tan belly. I’m not very big, but I’m only a baby dragon. But I know that in time I will become a big ferocious fire-breathing dragon! And I even have the fire-breathing part down!

But I guess that’s one thing I’m scared of though. You see, I’m Twilight Sparkle’s assistant/little brother/son all in one, and her friends, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity are our best friends. I love them all a lot, especially Rarity, my crush. But I’ll outlive them all, and I’ll really miss them. And then, if I grow to be really huge, too huge to handle, I’ll have to leave before they die of age, and I wont be there for the funeral, and I won’t know that they’re gone, and… and…

It’s scary.

But I’ll ALWAYS have Twilight. Heh, she’s an alicorn. Maybe you guys from the future get to meet her? And her friends that I mentioned are the Elements of Harmony, so they should all be known for millions of years or something. Not me though. I was always the third wheel, the assistant, the extra that’s barely noticed. I didn’t do anything special. I was loved because I threw a powerful artifact to safety. The only thing I did very great was save the Crystal Ponies from their doom… once… after humiliating myself… and it was a panicked rescue. I wasn’t Spike the brave dragon who knew what he was doing. I was Spike the scared dragon who panicked and somehow got lucky and saved everypony. I mean, come on, I didn’t even know I could shoot out that much fire. It was the adrenaline rush.

Twilight says she loves me every night, but with every passing day… I just doubt it more and more. Sure I’m her #1 assistant and she hugs me and gives me attention sometimes but… Celestia Dammit, I’m her SLAVE! When she’s going out to save the day, and I try to help she says ‘Spike, stay here’, ‘Spike, clean up while I handle this’ or ‘I’m sorry, but you’re a baby dragon, and I don’t want you hurt!’ But really, I don’t see why she says that. Yes, I am a baby dragon. But I have scales that are so rough that diamond can’t cut through them. If I concentrate enough I can shoot fire balls, fire beams, and use fire in many other attacks. I’m smart, and for pony’s sake, I can even use my claws for several things. But I am seen as (Weak, slow, and) ineffectual. Why?

I’m just complaining… but I guess that’s what I do best. I love my friends… and they seem to love me, but… not as much as they love each other. It’s like, they have a stronger bond with each other than they have with me. And I do everything, anything to impress them, help them, and care for them as best as I can. But they just don’t seem to notice. And It’s totally not cool slamming doors in my face, forgetting me in big places, ignoring when I’m in pain, and forcing me to do things when I really don’t want to. It really, really sucks so bad.

And then, the worst part of what I go through is… Rarity. I love her, so much. I do whatever she asks. I want to be with her, but then, she treats me like a baby, and that spoils it. Twilight hatched me when she was like, six, and she’s twenty six now. Yeah. I’m really twenty years old, only six years apart from rarity, and she still babies me. She lets my size fool her. I don’t know if anypony noticed, but I’m pretty smart and mature to be a ‘baby’. The reason my babyish acts still exist is because I never got to meet anypony and learn new things besides new words and books. Twilight never let me go anywhere. I only recently started having friends when she did. So I got most of my maturity with books, while the babyish me never really left me completely.

And I am a baby. By dragon standards. I’m a young grown stallion by pony standards. I should be able to have more freedom. But no, I have to be… nopony.

I wish ponies would realise that I don’t want this! I don’t. It’s painful to be a grown baby, and I get nothing for the pain. Nothing to help, to heal. NOTHING!

Heh, I probably won’t ever get to be with Rarity. She thinks I’m a kid, and she KNOWS what I feel. She takes advantage of me! She knows how much I love her, so I’m her slave too! I know gentlecolts carry a lady’s bags… that’s usually one fifth of what Rarity makes me carry. Do you know how many times I strained my muscles to their max trying to carry so much luggage… that she never USES anyway? I remember when my back and muscles hurt so bad that I couldn’t move for hours. And nopony was there. Twilight and the gang were in the Everfree Forest solving a big problem. I never knew what the problem was because nopony thought to check with me before or after the problem happened. I was sitting there in pain for hours trying to move, and when I finally could move, here comes Twilight barging in the door with a big fucking smile on her face, hugging me to death while I’m in pain. I groaned and tried to cry out, but she hugged too tight and I nearly choked and suffocated to death. Nopony CARES!

I just wish I was more.. Appreciated. I want to be truly loved. And I don’t think I could ever have that. Nopony gives a care about Spike the dragon. Obviously, I wasn't meant to live a clear, good, normal life. It makes me Question why Twilight had to hatch ME. Why couldn't I just be with my mom and dad in the dragon mountains? Why couldn't I be truly happy?

But despite all of this, I love them. I love my friends. And if they ever read this, and I hope they don’t, I hope they try to help me. If not… well, I still love them. Even if they don’t love me at all. That’s all Diary. Good night!

~A depressed, but hopeful Spike