Alicorn
Chapter 1: Appendix: Previous Revisions
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Previous Revisions
Alicorn has been through numerous edits since its initial publication. Previous chapter revisions are recorded here for future record.
Chapter One
Originally published as a one-shot sequel to Mommy Nearest by Fairy-Slayer. Content and tone are similar to that parent fic.Rainbow Dash expresses only minor, fleeting anger toward Celestia. Some unpalatable facts are brought to light, e.g. Celestia’s refusal to acknowledge her parentage on myriad previous occasions; these facts are quickly moved past, and the story ends with a moment of heartfelt reconciliation.Other challenges related to Rainbow Dash’s new rank and biology are not addressed (e.g. how being a princess will uproot her life, how others will perceive her differently, how her future ambitions will be affected, how her friendships will be affected, how she will grow into her magical abilities).Rainbow Dash is known as Princess Freyja in this version, in direct continuity with the original published version of Mommy Nearest.Celestia’s rationale for giving up Rainbow Dash for adoption (“Because you weren’t a unicorn”) also mirrors the original continuity of Mommy Nearest.Certain staples of the modern version of Alicorn are already present, such as the lullaby, but the overall structure and narrative are very bare-bones.
Chapter remains in direct continuity with Mommy Nearest.By this point, the overall narrative of Alicorn had begun to take shape, and it became clear that developing and exploring a plausible mother-daughter relationship between Rainbow Dash and Celestia would be at the heart of the story. Therefore, any tearful reconciliation in Chapter One would come far too early. The chapter was revised to end with Rainbow Dash turning away from Celestia, refusing to forgive her, and refusing to acknowledge her as her parent.Rainbow Dash’s emotions are barely exposed. She expresses only minor sadness and very little in the way of anger or fear.Celestia’s point of view is unexplored outside of dialogue, and her own emotions are left mostly untreated.By this point, Rainbow Dash is known as Princess Aurora, not Princess Freyja.
Complete rewrite. Chapter is no longer in direct continuity with Mommy Nearest. With this revision, the major narrative developments of Fairy-Slayer’s original fanfic are fully integrated into Alicorn.Several of the story beats remain the same: Rainbow Dash falls from a cloud and is brought back to town by Applebloom and Big Macintosh; the doctors are unable to provide remedy; Twilight Sparkle is unable to provide remedy; Zecora is unable to provide remedy; Twilight Sparkle writes to Celestia, who arrives and reveals herself to be Rainbow Dash’s mother.Several new scenes are written on the front end to examine Rainbow Dash’s station in life at the start of the story (i.e. dead-end job, aspiring to the Wonderbolts, looking forward to tryouts in September).The recurring thematic motif of the painting above the fireplace and the concept of “Good Enough” are introduced.Several dream sequences are provided to foreshadow the revelation of Rainbow Dash's parentage and provide examination into her unraveling mental and emotional state.A scene is written for Celestia in Griffi’la to foreshadow the Ascendancy story thread.Rainbow Dash’s reaction to hearing the truth from Celestia is now apocalyptic. Her anger, fear, and sadness are powerful.Celestia’s mental and emotional state are also investigated."Because you weren't a unicorn" is struck from Celestia's list of reasons for giving Rainbow Dash up for adoption, as this was, in the author's opinion, too ignoble and accommodating of racism to stand as a justifiable rationale. Instead, Celestia cites a number of other reasons for wishing to recuse herself from the responsibility of raising Rainbow Dash, including her past failures raising Luna.The fallout between Rainbow Dash and Celestia follows the contours of the parallel scene in the 2012 revision, but the emotional punch is much more raw and faithful to Rainbow Dash’s loyalty and emotional nature.The scene showing Celestia’s introspection lying in the hospital with an unconscious Rainbow Dash is slightly overwritten.
2019 Revision (current version) –
Celestia's introspection is rewritten.Paragraphs are removed showing Rainbow Dash being made to wear a bridle to restrain her from hurting herself, a holdover from Mommy Nearest.Several other minor edits.
Chapter Two:
Chapter remains in direct continuity with Mommy Nearest.Celestia features at the beginning of the chapter, still in the hospital room with Rainbow Dash following their heartfelt reconciliation at the end of Chapter One. She briefly lectures Rainbow Dash about her horn when Rainbow Dash makes the mistake of referring to it as a “can opener”—thus, the origin of the can opener joke, eventually to be paid off in Chapter Seven.Rainbow Dash and Celestia are soon joined by Fluttershy, marking the first of several perfunctory appearances by the Mane Six in this chapter. Fluttershy’s inclusion contributes nothing to the overall narrative, nor do the follow-up scenes with Applejack and Rarity at the farm and Pinkie Pie at the party; these scenes are largely short and superficial, serving only to tick the boxes on mentioning the Mane Six.Rainbow Dash performs a sonic rainboom, which was noteworthy during the 2011 hiatus between the first and second seasons of the cartoon, as it was unclear then whether Rainbow Dash would keep her signature ability after the events of S1E16.There is a minor romance/shipping between Rainbow Dash and Big Macintosh during the scene on the farm.Numerous background ponies are included at Pinkie Pie’s party.The central narrative dilemma is beginning to take shape: Twilight Sparkle and Celestia share a picnic lunch, where Celestia conveys some trepidation about being a parent to Rainbow Dash; later on, the graveyard scene between Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle lays bare Rainbow Dash’s reservations about opening herself up to Celestia and betraying her adoptive mother and father. However, the tone of the chapter—as well as the chapter title itself, “A New Beginning”—are still notably upbeat. There is little to give the impression that Rainbow Dash has suffered as a result of growing her horn, and she and Celestia are quite cordial.
Chapter remains in direct continuity with Mommy Nearest.Celestia no longer features at the start of the chapter.Despite following the revised version of Chapter One in which Rainbow Dash rejects Celestia, her emotional state is still muted, with boredom at being stuck in the hospital and fascination with her horn ranking chief among her concerns.Fluttershy’s scene is expanded.During her picnic with Twilight Sparkle, Celestia remarks on her intention to fly north to a place called Asgard, later to become Griffi’la in a future revision. This marks the initial authorial conception of the Ascendancy and the beginning of their role in the story, although at this primordial stage, their foreshadowing is still quite sparse.Celestia also asks Twilight Sparkle to speak to Rainbow Dash and convince her to come to Canterlot for her own protection, with the unsavory alternative that if Twilight Sparkle does not convince her, Celestia will order the Royal Guard to bring Rainbow Dash in by force. This would turn out to be an unfortunate narrative revision: because the threat posed by the Ascendancy was so ill-defined, and because Celestia's relationship with Rainbow Dash was so nascent, Celestia's request had the effect of causing readers to second-guess her intentions, turning them against her from an early stage.Later in the chapter, when Rainbow Dash visits her the graves of her mother and father, she asks their forgiveness for harboring certain feelings toward Celestia that she can’t control, rather than their permission to pursue a mother-daughter relationship with her, one step further along the path of making Rainbow Dash's alienation from Celestia a central plank of the story.
Chapter is no longer in direct continuity with Mommy Nearest.Minor patch job to make the chapter compatible with the 2015 revision of Chapter One. Several narrative problems still persist, which these edits were simply insufficient at addressing.The chapter now begins with Rainbow Dash trying not to think about Celestia and the revelation of her parentage. While this is closer to the devastation she experiences in the 2015 revision of Chapter One, Rainbow Dash is still far too reserved and composed during the initial scenes and throughout the chapter.Tank is included at Pinkie Pie’s party, as by this point, he had been a long-established character in the franchise.The background ponies are excluded from Pinkie Pie’s party, making the event more of a small and intimate get-together among friends.Apart from the graveyard scene, tone remains problematic, and the catastrophic repercussions on Rainbow Dash’s emotional state are left unexplored.
Chapter Three
Chapter remains in direct continuity with Mommy Nearest.Celestia makes a cameo at the start of the chapter, as at this stage, her mission in the Griffin Kingdom had not yet been conceptualized.Tristar is overly antagonistic while escorting Rainbow Dash into the Warrens. His rejoinders to Rainbow Dash cross the line into disrespect and insubordination.First published appearance of Luna in Alicorn. As this chapter was written nearly a month before S2E04 Luna Eclipsed aired, the story did not have the advantage of leaning on the character’s canon depiction. Instead, Luna’s personality takes inspiration from fanon portrayals, especially Progress by Andrew Joshua Talon. Here, she is portrayed as reserved, unassuming, something of a bibliophile, and tormented by guilt over her actions as Nightmare Moon. Over time, with future chapters and revisions, Luna’s personality would come to more closely resemble that seen in canon, with greater self-confidence and forthrightness, although it would never be an exact match.Several allusions to Progress are included as fan service (i.e. the abacus, the microwave).Sage Whitehoof is overly evasive about his identity, for no particular reason other than to prolong the reveal until the end of the chapter. He contributes almost nothing of substance during his introduction to Rainbow Dash.Rainbow Dash expresses aloofness toward Celestia at the end of the chapter, but still minimal hostility.
Chapter is no longer in direct continuity with Mommy Nearest.Celestia no longer makes a cameo at the start of the chapter.Tank accompanies Rainbow Dash to Canterlot.Luna remains mired in her fanon characterization.