Newborn Mare

by nanashi_jones

First published 6th of June, 2014

After the events of When The Mare Comes Around, Rae Jay is looking forward to reuniting with her friends. Too bad a militia in the boonies, a surly FBI agent, and Discord all have something to say about that. Why can't it ever go smooth?

Rae Jay, the merged personality of Rachel Shelton and Applejack Apple, finally catches a break. After surviving all the attempts on Rachel's life, she's on her way to reunite with her friends in New York City, this time with governmental support. She's going to get a little shut-eye, reconnect with her friends, then take on Discord and bring Harmony to Earth.

Except, it can't ever go smooth.

One phone call later, and Rae Jay is up to another batch of thrilling heroics, deep in an enemy compound, facing down a small army of trigger-happy, pony-hating bigots, all to save her friends. With only the Element around her neck and a fangirl CIA agent at her back, Rae Jay's odds aren't looking too good. And that's just a warm-up before taking on a mad god of chaos, and who knows what tricks he has up his scaly sleeve.

Why can't it ever go smooth?

Conclusion of the PEV - PonyEarthverse canon.

Chapter 1: Trouble Along the Way

Day 12

As I stared out the window of the cozy passenger car being driven by CIA agents, I wondered if my life would ever get back to normal.

I doubted it would ever be one-hundred-percent, but deep down I hoped to one day just pass time tilling the field, going over the farm’s ledger, and maybe fix that leaky drainpipe. I’d show my brother how to play Kingdom Hearts, I’d chaperone one of Apple Bloom’s field trips, and the most exciting thing would be when Rainbow Dash crashed into the barn. Again.

I hoped for a lot, but I knew those days were a long way off. If my current location was any indication, they were a very, very, very long way off.

Where was my current location? Like I said, I was sitting in a CIA-driven sedan, but I was in the back seat. This wasn’t because I was some prisoner. I was as far from that as a gal could get without leaving the state. I was a bona fide emissary of Equestria under United States protection. It kind of made me feel like a celebrity.

“You okay back there?” asked Special Agent Stephanie Chase.

“Eeyup,” I replied.

“Let me know if you need anything.”

“Steph, I was good five minutes ago,” I said, with a chuckle. “I’ll give you a heads up if I need anything okay? Just… having a quiet minute is all.”

“Of course. I understand. Just checking in,” she replied, her tone a little embarrassed.

In addition to being a CIA agent, Stephanie was one of my personal handlers. She was in her thirties, pretty for a human, with blond hair and blue eyes, and looked like the exact opposite of the kind of person who would be in the CIA. She was also a big fan of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic in general and my character in specific. My character being Applejack- farm pony, and Bearer of the Element of Honesty.

Her fangirl feelings for me weren’t that misplaced. I pretty much was Applejack on the outside. Earth pony with green eyes, a blond mane and tail, orange fur, three apple cutie mark, a farm pony’s build, all topped with a Stetson cowboy hat? I sure as hay wasn’t Captain Kirk. But that was just the mare I saw in the mirror. Or in this case, the mare in the reflective governmental window.

The actual me, beneath the fur, was a mix of Applejack from the show and Rachel Shelton from Syracuse. It’s a long story, but the short version is Rachel woke up in Applejack’s body with Applejack’s mind as a bonus, and as time wore on, their personalities merged to make me: Rachel Jacqueline Apple, or Rae Jay to my friends.

So, rather than being one part smart-mouth geek and one part stubborn farm pony, I was all one smart-mouth, stubborn, farm pony geek. I’d just merged this morning. Honestly, I was still adjusting. After a week of literally having someone else to talk to in my head, the relative quiet of my own thoughts was a little disorienting.

Fortunately, the little snore from the other side of the car kept me grounded. I looked across the back seat to May and Sam.

May looked like one of my best friends’ sister, Sweetie Belle, and she was using my dog, Sam, as a pillow. To call the tableau adorable would be like saying Neil DeGrasse Tyson was kinda sharp.

Stephanie had turned around at the snore, and noticed me looking too. We shared a smile. May and Sam had earned their sleep.

Just like I had been two minds in one head, May was in a similar situation, except she hadn’t merged yet. Not that being of literally two minds slowed her down. She had enough gumption to come to my rescue when I’d gotten kidnapped. And she had managed to bully the CIA into saving Sam when the poor dog was shot full of a lethal amount of sedative.

So, while she looked adorable in Sweetie’s little white-coated, pink-and-purple-maned body, I knew she’d most likely wake up stubbornly fighting for her way like the surly teenager she truly was. Well, that and drop f-bombs left and right.

"How long we got?" I asked our driver, looking away from the slumbering pair.

"Traffic's bad, thanks to Discord," said Alphonse Beharie, my other CIA handler.

I’d only met him that morning, along with Stephanie, but I already liked Alphonse. He was a heavily built guy, average height, with nappy hair cropped close to his head. When he smiled, he did it slow, like he wanted to be sure of it. And thanks to the way he looked perfectly molded to his seat, I had trouble imagining him out of a car.

"It’s gonna be another two hours or so,” he added.

“Thanks,” I said, laying back against my own seat.

I kicked my hind hooves back and forth. I didn’t want to think too closely about my merge, I definitely didn’t want to think too close about the scrapes I’d just gotten out of, so I needed to do something. I needed a distraction.

Maybe I could call Max. He'd want to know I’d taken the plunge and was headed for New York. Hay, he’d want to know his best friend wasn’t the girl she used to be. I mean, if I could manage to explain to my mom, one of the most no-nonsense women I’ve ever known in my life, that her daughter was now a pony and had merged with another personality so I wasn’t exactly the daughter she had known, then I think I could explain it to my geeky bestie.

I pulled my phone out of my trusty red backpack. It was a kid’s thing with stitched art of a mouse holding a flower on the front. If I was to ever see that as a cutie mark, I’d tell the pony it meant endurance. The bag certainly lasted longer than I thought it would, and was just as trusty as my hat, Liana. As I opened my phone, Stephanie got out hers.

"Got some good news for you… It’s Rae Jay, right?" Stephanie asked.

“Yep. Rae Jay,” I confirmed. I had just changed my name that morning, and with Stephanie being a fan of the show, and Applejack in particular, I understood she needed some time to catch up. I didn’t blame her; I’d have been the same if it turned out Sam and Dean from Supernatural were real, but they preferred to be called Jeff and Kenneth.

"What’s the news?" I asked.

"The home office just texted one of your friend’s phone numbers to me. She’s currently under protection by another team and we’re swapping info."

I shot up, nearly dropping the phone in my hooves. "Who?” I asked excitedly. “Whose number?”

"Fluttershy," she said, her voice squeaking in excitement just a little bit.

I giggled. Yep, she was definitely a CIA Fangirl. Lands sake, I have seen it all.

"Hook me up," I said, grinning, phone ready.

She rattled off a number, and I dialed. Nervousness sprung up in me as I wondered who Fluttershy had merged with, whether we'd still feel connected, whether-

I felt a powerful, but brief, thrum against my chest, and I snorted. Looking down, I smiled at the Element of Honesty. It had shown up after I’d dealt with a murderous lunatic who held me hostage in a hotel room. It was another reminder that I wasn’t alone. It was right too. Fluttershy was my friend; that was all that mattered.

I waited as the line rang. When it stopped, I heard some background noise. Someone had picked up, but they weren’t answering right away. I heard some rustling sounds too, but they sounded distant.

"Fluttershy?" I said. "Hey it's- Well some of it's Applejack. Hello?"

"Yeah this is Erishy, half Fluttershy, half Erica," she said. She giggled. It sounded… weird. "It's great to hear from you, Apple Jack."

I ignored the odd giggle because I was too relieved. Hearing her voice, actually hearing Fluttershy talk to me? It really drove home how much I missed my friends. I smiled wide at the prospect of reconnecting.

"Well, it's sure great to hear you 'Shy," I said, hoping she could hear my excitement. "Guess if we're being upfront, you can call me Rae Jay. Bit of a girl named Rachel and bit of Applejack. You okay? Where're you at?"

"We just got to New York! Did you know that they already have pony clothing shops? They gave me a copy of my gala dress! Oh!"

She paused and my gut twitched in her silence. It occurred to me that Fluttershy didn’t sound quite right. I was probably just reacting to nothing. It was still her voice. It was still her. I pushed the feeling aside.

“Uh, that’s… nice?” I supplied. “Glad to hear you’re doing alright.”

"Apple Bloom is with us,” she said, as if I hadn’t spoken. “Got paired up with some kid named Ian."

That woke me up. "Bloom?" I said, sitting upright. "Is she there? Can I talk to her?"

"Well it's mostly Ian. Bloom seems to prefer to let him be in control. But they aren't here right now. I went shopping,” she replied.

I pulled the phone away to stare at its screen, my instincts screaming, and now I was listening to them. Her tone had been casual, and most startlingly: uncaring.

"Shopping?" I mouthed silently to myself.

Something wasn’t right. Maybe I was being paranoid, but this didn’t make sense.

Rarity, I could see her shopping in the middle of this. Even Twilight, if books were involved. But Fluttershy? From my own experiences, I knew that when a human and their pony fully merged, the personality that came after was different from either, but certain things held. Like, regardless of how Rachel and Applejack merged I was still going to be an honest pony. Maybe I’d be a bit more sarcastic, but honesty was as core to Applejack as stubbornness was to Rachel. So, I didn't see how anyone could merge with Fluttershy and become someone who would leave her friends for shopping.

"Well, that's a shame," I said, bringing the phone back to my ear. I tried to match her mellow tone. My Element felt heavy around my neck, like it was adding its weight to my suspicions. "Whatcha shoppin' for?" I asked casually.

"Well I've got a few dresses. I can't find Angel Bunny, so I got a temporary stuffed one,” she prattled. “I got a new backpack, my old one from when I was a human was getting a bit ratty. Got a few trinkets, I guess I should get something for Apple Bloom, since she probably feels kinda left out, huh?"

As she spoke, it sounded like she had her mouth full. Like she was eating while talking to me. But that wasn’t the worst part! Trinkets? Dresses? New backpack? She doesn't care that she can't find Angel?! I may go back and forth on whether I want to strangle that attitude-packin’ rabbit or not, but Fluttershy’s always doting on him.

This wasn't right. Nothing about this conversation was right. I expected to be calming down a tear-filled, near-hysterical, happy-to-hear-from-me Fluttershy. Not chatting with some apathetic mallrat.

The voice on the other end sounded like Fluttershy, but it didn’t act even a little bit like her. I mean, Fluttershy hated shopping. And replacing stuff? I thought I was sentimental, but when Fluttershy took a shine to something, she ran it into the dirt and then some. She cared universally: from friends to critters to the little lace doily Twilight gave her when she noticed Fluttershy didn't have one for her tea set. And no one- no human in her head, no force on earth could curb that compassion.

No way was I talking to Fluttershy.

"Who are you?" I said, my voice hot.

"Poor widdle Rae Jay.” The façade of Fluttershy disappeared immediately, and my gut dropped out at the cruelty in her voice. “Are you scared? You should be. But don't worry, your sister will be safe, vouching for me to the entire world that I am Erishy: martyr of the ponies. I haven't even paid for anything yet!”

I could hear her delight and it took everything I had not to break the phone.

“And the real Erishy? No idea. She's gone. If you tell anyone, I'll take your sister," Fakey-Shy spat, and I caught a faint buzz behind her words.

Then there was a loud crack, and the phone went dead.

I sat in the back of the car, the phone still pressed against my ear as I listened to nothing. It felt like someone had just slid a piece of metal down in my chest. I shook, my breathing getting heavy and ragged.

Part of me was screaming and pounding inside. I wanted to saddle up. I wanted to find this impostor. I wanted to buck her into the next county for being anywhere near my sister. I had to save Flutter- Erishy! Whoever!

I needed to act. Now!

But I couldn’t. For one, I was in a car travelling to New York. For another, I was learning that thinking paid off more than flying off the handle.

Think, RJ, I told myself. Quit gettin’ worked up and think.

Putting my anger aside, I focused on Apple Bloom as clearly as I could. I knew she was okay, because the team Stephanie said was following Fakey-Shy would have told Stephanie if Fakey-Shy had harmed Bloom at all. These guys may have missed the impostor amongst them, but I doubt they could miss one pony openly hurting another. I’d also be getting grilled on why Fluttershy wasn’t acting like herself. So, my sister was okay. For now.

I closed my phone. Thinking was good. I was getting my temper back under control. So what else did I know?

I knew about Fakey-Shy. She might be a changeling from Equestria- Don’t know of any other critter with a bug buzz in their voice. Could be something else. But Twilight would know more on that front. I’m not exactly up to speed on folk who can run around as somepony else without anyone knowing.

I also knew she liked to shop and put on airs: she’d been very excited about getting the Gala dress. She was into the fame and its perks. Last, I knew she would threaten a little filly. Too bad she picked the wrong pony to try and blackmail into silence.

I leaned back in my seat.

"How is everything?" Stephanie asked and her voice was a little too neutral. She must have overheard some of my conversation.

"Something's happened to Fluttershy," I said, my voice rough.

"What?!" She whirled in her seat to look directly at me.

"She's been replaced. Or... something like it. I think it’s a changeling. She threatened Apple Bloom when I called." It took an effort to keep from grinding my teeth.

Stephanie reached out, taking her radio off the dash and raising the receiver to her lips.

"Don't," I said.

Stephanie paused, her finger on the talk button. She looked back at me. "I have to call it in."

"Can you call it in such a way that my sister doesn't get hurt? Or how about Fluttershy?" I shook my head and hated the cold feeling that was in my chest. "We don't know where she is."

Stephanie kept the receiver near her lips, but she didn’t depress the button. I felt Alphonse's eyes on me in the rearview mirror.

I tapped my forehoof against my chin, a plan coming together. Not a great one, but one that could work. I’d get to buck someone’s head off eventually. All I had to do was wait.

"Can you ask 'em to keep an eye on her?” I asked Stephanie. “She starts acting funny- big time funny- see if they can get my sister and everyone else to safety."

Stephanie nodded. "We have protocol. We can do that."

"Okay. Good. Then find out when Fluttershy started acting different. Narrow it down. Then tell whoever’s waitin’ for us that traffic's real bad. Like, really bad and we ain't getting there anytime soon."

Stephanie stared at me, then her eyes widened and a smile grew on her lips. “I’ll call it in,” she said.

I set my hat forward. "Thank ya, kindly.” To myself I added, Hang on ‘Shy. We’re comin’ for ya.

Chapter 2: A Lady Takes A Chance

“This is soooo boring,” May said, as she flopped, half falling out of the back seat.

I chuckled. May had woken up when we pulled into a rest stop so Stephanie could make calls and do agenty stuff. At first, May was thrilled at the notion of helping more ponies and running with a SWAT team to the rescue. Then, the reality of phone calls and information gathering started to grind, and her excitement dropped off big time.

“It’s investigative work,” I said, stroking Sam’s back. “The real stuff’s usually pretty dull.”

“Yeah, I know it isn’t like TV, but we’re not doing anything,” she complained. “We’re just… waiting.”

“Good things come to those who wait,” I said.

“Thank you Master Applejack. I mean, Rae Jay. Sorry.” She looked away briefly, her thoughtful expression reminding me more of Sweetie than May. When she turned back, she was all May again. “But really? Got any other fortune cookie wisdom for me?”

“She who bucks early, bucks often,” I replied, with a smirk.

“Great, new AJ is a smart-ass.”

“An apple bucked is an apple earn-”

“Okay! Okay, I get it! You’re clever now,” she laughed.

“And you are wise, squirt,” I said.

May rolled her eyes with a “hmph!” “Don’t call me squirt, hayseed,” she muttered, giving me a side-eye and a smile.

I grinned at her.

“Okay, we got a hit,” Stephanie said, leaning down in the window. She’d been on her cellphone for the last hour or so, making calls and typing at a laptop perched on the roof of the car.

“Turns out… Erishy?” she said, looking to me. I nodded. “Yeah, turns out she had to help Apple Bloom with the little filly’s room just before the group went through an airport security checkpoint in Oklahoma. Our contact with the group reported she started acting odd after that. He chalked it up to nerves, but we’ve appraised him of the situation and he’s keeping an eye on things.”

She ran a hand through her hair as she turned from her laptop to a notebook. I appreciated the old school touch. Even after I got my Android, I still liked to jot down notes by hand- I mean, by hoof, on occasion.

“So, I had security show me the footage closest to the bathroom,” Stephanie continued. “I saw her go in with Bloom, then Apple Bloom came out alone. While Apple Bloom was waiting at the bathroom’s exit, a pink and blue-maned pony went in.”

“Yeah?” I asked.

“Yep. And it looks like your changeling idea was right. A separate camera feed caught a changeling turning into the same pink and blue-maned pony. She was out of the line of sight of the agent sitting on the bathroom.”

“I knew it,” I said through gritted teeth.

Stephanie nodded. “Yeah, so the changeling went in, then Flut- I mean, Erishy came out.”

“Yeah?” I said. “Think that was the changeling?”

“Yeah,” Stephanie growled. “Because nearly right after Erishy-”

“Fakey-shy,” I said.

Stephanie raised her eyebrow.

“She ain’t my friend. She’s Fakey-shy,” I said, firmly.

Stephanie rolled her eyes, and snorted. “Okay, so about right after Fakey-shy left with Bloom, a woman with a suitcase that could easily fit a pegasus ducked inside.”

“Really,” I said, my tone flat. “Don’t expect she came out with the suitcase lookin’ the same?”

“No. She came out with a much fuller looking one. Fuller and lumpier. Then, she left without going through security, seeing anyone off, or getting on a flight. She managed to keep her face hidden too.”

“Sounds like our ponynapper to me,” I said. I scrunched up my face, concerned. “But not even a good look?”

Stephanie shook her head. “Nope. She was good. But not so good that she kept the luggage tag hidden,” she said, with a victorious smile. “We got a few good shots of it, so I sent the raw video file to my computer guys. They’re messing with the file right now to see if they can get a clearer look at the address on the tag.”

“That’s great news Steph!” I said. “Thanks for all your help.”

“Thanks for picking up on Fluttershy going OOC. How’d you do that, by the way? Are you a lie detector with that thing?” she asked, pointing to the Element around my neck.

I shook my head, amused. “Nah, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it gave me a nudge. Fakey-shy said a few things… definitely not ‘Shy. The more she talked, the less she sounded like my friend and more like a stranger.”

“Couldn’t it have been because of how she fused?” Stephanie asked.

“Nope,” I said. “I may sound different, but I’m still me. So ‘Shy’s still gonna be ‘Shy, just like all my other friends’ll still be themselves. In a way. Maybe I’m bein’ presumptuous, but after all we’ve been through, I’ve learned there’s parts of ‘em that just won’t budge even with all this merging stuff going’ on.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Though, I’m still confused how nopony else caught on.”

“I was told they’ve been pretty busy,” Stephanie replied, sighing. “But trust me when I say someone, somewhere is losing their job over this.”

I flinched. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“I know,” Stephanie said, opening to a new page in her notepad. “But with everything we have on the line, we can’t afford screw ups. Your and Discord’s arrival is making and breaking a lot of careers for the Agency.”

I sighed. I knew the thinking. While Sweet Apple Acres is a family business, every now and then, we’d have more work than hooves, so we’d have to take on extra bodies. I’d had to let more than a few ponies go when Mac or I caught them slacking off on the job. It didn’t really affect my regular seasonal hires- they were solid and knew their business- but the hoofful of stragglers kipped right up when they saw Mac and I were serious.

Most times, I didn’t even bat an eye. I could spot the problem ponies pretty early on. But, sometimes, ponies came to honest work and they couldn’t hack it. Maybe they weren’t for the work, or maybe something off the farm was distracting them. Either way, they had to be cut. I’d tell those cases to try again next season. I was pretty sure the CIA didn’t work that way.

“Another reason this may have got by us,” Stephanie said, breaking into my thoughts. “Pinkie Pie isn’t with the group right now.”

“She ain’t?!” I rose up on my legs, new panic running through me.

“Easy. She stayed in town with Shining Armor, Princess Cadance, Gilda, and a... Harold Fralick to do a TV interview…” Stephanie checked her notepad again and nodded. “While Apple Bloom, Erishy, and their two human friends, a Jacqueline Lavoie and Virginia Brown, took a red-eye into New York City.”

Tapping my chin in thought, I nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense. With Pinkie out, the closest pony to her would be Bloom, and she mostly knows ‘Shy as a foalsitter. Fakey-shy could play off a lot as bein’ under stress.” I frowned, my anger rising at the thought of my sister in the company of such a no-good sidewinder. I took some slow breaths to get myself under control.

“How long do you think it’s gonna take your computer guys?” I asked.

“Not long. Say what you will about the TSA, but they’re always begging for better cameras these days, so it certainly makes our jobs easier.”

“I never thought I’d be so happy to root for The Man,” May said, coming to stand next to me. “What fresh hell have you dragged me into you hayseed?”

“Big, wide, weird world, squirt,” I replied, mussing her mane again.

May grinned up at me from under a mane that was more mess than it wasn’t. Realizing I hadn’t seen soap since Max hosed me down and I didn’t smell too good myself, I asked Stephanie if we could get a room for the night. Or at least find a place with a shower.

“Let’s see where this lead will take us,” she said, raising her phone. “Then we’ll make overnight plans.”

“Yeah, RJ. We could be totally winging it in the SHIELD helicarrier depending on how this goes down,” May said.

“Woo!” Alphonse said from where he’d been working in the front seat. “I wouldn’t mind that.”

“No shit,” Stephanie said with a smile. “Can you imagine having Agent Coulson for a boss?”

“Don’t we already?” Alphonse said, chuckling from his seat.

“Jacobs is not Coulson. For all that they’re both missing the same amount of hair,” Stephanie retorted. “Coulson... is cool.”

I was distracted from the conversation by Sam, whining from behind me. I turned, and she wagged her tail looking forlorn and hopeful.

“Need to go out, girl?” I asked.

She yipped her confirmation.

“I gotta walk the wonder hound. I’ll be just over there,” I told Stephanie, pointing a hoof at a treeline.

Stephanie nodded, so I hopped out of the car, and Sam stuck close by. Again, I was amazed at how well behaved Sam was. She came when I called, followed my commands- she was pretty good for a stray puppy who had been little more than fur over bones when I found her.

“Really, you’re the best,” I said, scratching her behind her ears. “Sticking with me after I nearly get you killed? That’s loyalty. Dash could take a lesson.”

Sam barked and trotted into a copse of trees where she sniffed around. As I waited, I looked out at the rest stop we’d parked in. It was pretty crowded.

Lots of New York state plates, a handful of Jersey, and one from Missouri. Some of the cars looked like they were trying to get into the city and guilt bit at me. Back when I’d first changed, my best friend, Max, had offered to drive us into New York. If I hadn’t run when Matthews showed up, if I had handled things like an adult, Max could have had me in the city days ago. And without the hassle I went through.

I pushed the feeling aside. Stewing wasn’t going to do me any good. I had to focus on helping Erishy. I couldn’t do that with a gut full of guilt.

As I waited on Sam, I noticed a guy was sitting on a nearby picnic table with an acoustic guitar in his lap. He looked to be in his early forties with dark brown hair that stuck nearly straight up and large hands matching his long frame. A few other people milled around, watching him play.

While he didn’t play expertly, he made up for it in energy and passion. He clearly cared about what he was strumming and I think the few people who’d stopped to listen were incidental. When he finished, he looked up, blinked, and smiled awkwardly to a smattering of light applause.

“Uh, thanks,” he said. “Everyone drive safe.”

He got down from the picnic table and walked over to the vending machine. Feeling neighborly, I went over to him. Sam caught up once she was done with her business.

“That’s some mighty fine pickin’, sir,” I said as he fed a dollar into the machine.

He turned, then looked down.

“Howdy,” I said.

He smiled, amused. “Afternoon,” he said. “Thanks for the kind words, stranger.” He returned his attention to the vending machine.

“How long you been playin’?” I asked.

“Twenty years, off and on,” he replied getting a Coke and his change. “It’s more of a hobby. I’m a history teacher.”

“Man of wisdom and music. You must be beatin’ ‘em off with a stick.”

He chuckled. “Not really,” he said. “That’s the young man’s game and I’m married.” He held up his hand and wiggled the ring finger adorned with a simple band.

“Not surprisin’,” I replied.

He cracked open his soda and sipped it giving me a little look.

“So you’re part of this whole… pony thing?” he asked.

“I am. A lot of folk know me as Applejack, but you can call me Rae Jay,” I said, offering my hoof.

He got down on his haunches and shook. “Hi Rae Jay, I’m Greg.”

“Pleasure to meetcha, Greg,” I said. “You play a mean Tennessee flattop box.”

That earned another chuckle and he rose, taking another swig from his soda.

“Well, thank you for your praise, Rae Jay. Are you headed to New York, right now?”

“More or less,” I said.

“Well if you manage to make it in, I sometimes play with my band at Therapy,” he said. “It’s a lounge in Hell’s Kitchen. Don’t let the neighborhood name scare you- it’s a good place.”

“See what I can do, Greg. May have to come over once my friends and I take care of Discord,” I replied.

“Take care of- Oh, you mean that’s not just a very nice necklace.”

“Nope. Element of Honesty.”

Greg cocked his head at me. “May I?”

“Sure,” I replied and stepped forward so he could bend down and look at it.

I don’t know how the other girls felt about their Elements, but I was proud of mine. It represented something deep and true between us, connecting us even when we were separated. Pardon me if I liked showing that off from time to time.

“It’s warm,” Greg said, running a thumb over the apple gem.

“Usually is,” I said. “Just showed up for me this morning. No idea why it took so dang long.”

“Another sentient species, magical necklaces...” Greg said with a small smile. “Truly we live in a time of wonders.”

He ran his thumb one last time across the gem and stood up. He had a delighted twinkle in his eye.

“Well, I hope you can beat this Discord character,” he replied. “He’s making it hell for me to get back to my husband.”

I didn’t miss a beat. “Traffic’s that bad?” I asked.

He nodded, looking slightly relieved. I guess it was the accent. Folk’s hear the South and they’re worried we’re gonna be all uptight. Hope Equestria stays connected to Earth somehow. Maybe we could show them a thing or two about treating love well.

“I’ve tried getting in this morning, but traffic’s been backed up for miles. I know that Discord made a mess of things, but I didn’t think it would be this bad. I waited so long, I had to sneak across the median to the nearest exit and gas up. This is my second try.”

“Lands,” I muttered. “Good luck, Greg. I got me an escort but…” I blinked. “Actually. Hey- can you hang on for a minute?”

He cocked his head at me, clearly confused, but he nodded and leaned against one of the brick pillars of the vending machine pavilion. I galloped back to the black sedan to find Stephanie on her cell. She smiled at me. Alphonse was giving Greg a very hard look

“Made a friend?” he asked.

“Yeah, Greg. Nice guy. He’s having trouble gettin’ in the city. Can we help him out?”

Alphonse blinked, then squinted at me. “Help him out?”

“Yeah, he’s tryin’ to get back to his husband, and traffic’s so bad he already had to gas up. He’s a history teacher; I can’t imagine what that’s like on his salary.”

Alphonse ran a thumb along the steering wheel, looking into the middle distance. He blinked slowly and came to a decision.

“Maybe…” he said. “Get him over here.”

I waved Greg over. He jogged toward us lightly, his guitar bouncing against his back.

“Hey,” he said. “Uh… What’s up?”

“Greg, this here is Agent Alphonse and he’d like to help ya get home.”

Greg laughed, smiling. “Okay, this is definitely a surprise.”

Greg and Alphonse talked and Alphonse got on his radio. About ten minutes later a State Trooper vehicle rolled up.

“Someone call for the cavalry?” asked a woman in a wide-brimmed hat with aviator shades.

“Yeah, um. Yes,” Greg said, his little smile still in place. “This is kind of overwhelming.”

“It’s a kindness,” I told Greg. “I got plenty of ‘em on my trip here so I’m payin’ it forward.”

He smiled wider at that and got down on his haunches again.

“Thank you Rae Jay,” he said. “You really didn’t have to-”

“Hush. Get back to your boy. Stay safe. I got bad guy butt to whip.”

He nodded, standing and stared out at the parking lot for a moment. His lips tightened and he looked back to me. “Actually, can someone else take my spot?” he asked.

The state trooper raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“I was talking to this woman, Sara. Her husband got hospitalized while she and her kids were out of town. They’ve been trying to get back in for the last few days without any luck. Can they take my place?”

I smiled at Greg, impressed. “That’s mighty kind of you sir.”

He nodded. “Yeah, well… seems the right thing to do.”

“Know the feelin’,” I replied, smiling up at him.

The state trooper shook her head. “You two are giving me diabetes. Look, you don’t have to give up your ‘spot.’ I can get another unit here so I can get both of you in the city, but that’s it. Any more and we’ll have everyone sneaking in.”

“What?” Greg asked, shocked.

“Go talk to… Sara? And tell her to get in behind me. You get behind her and I’ll have another vehicle follow us from the rear. We should be able to get everyone in the city within the hour.”

“That’s… That’s wow. Wow. Thank you,” Greg stammered.

“You’re welcome,” the state trooper said. “I have a daughter too, so I can guess how she feels.”

“What’s your name?” Greg asked.

“Molly,” she said, offering her hand. “Molly Noble.”

“Thank you so much, Molly. I’ll- I’ll be right back!” Greg said, pumping her hand and laughing.

As Molly hopped on her radio to summon the other state trooper, Greg turned to look at me. “Look, be careful, okay?” he said. “I don’t know what’s all of what’s going on, but you seem like a real stand-up gal and I’d hate to see you end up hurt or-”

“Never say die,” I interjected, smiling. “I’m gonna get with my girls and we’re gonna kick Discord into the next county. No lie.”

“Guess it isn’t,” he replied. “I better get to my car.”

“That’s a good idea,” I said with a laugh.

“Thanks again Rae Jay. Alphonse. Molly,” he said, nodding to everyone. He then jogged toward a minivan where a woman sat with the door open as four kids of varying ages milled around, playing with their phones or staring off into space. Her head came up as Greg shouted to her, guitar bouncing on his back.

May stepped up beside me and nudged me with her hoof.

I looked down.

“You really inspire chronic hero syndrome, you know that?” she said.

I shrugged. “Seems like the right thing to do.”

Author's Notes:

In this chapter, Greg is played by David Tennant with his adorable American accent. Because reasons.

Chapter 3: Island in the Sky

Inside the Motel 6 off I-75 I learned about the limits of my patience.

“Work ya dang blasted-!” I fired off another kick at the AC/Heating unit. It dented easily enough, but still didn’t kick on, despite the percussive maintenance.

“I’ll see about us getting another room,” Stephanie said, amused.

“Don’t like highway hotels much anyway,” I grumbled, climbing up on the bed with May and Sam.

“Well, we’re only here for the night,” Stephanie said, hanging her black jacket in the closet. “Once Agent Lynch gets back to me, we’ll see if there’s anything we can do.”

“I still say we should’ve gone to Georgia,” I pointed out.

“And you know what I’ll say,” Stephanie replied.

I huffed, looking away.

While I’d been helping Greg back at the rest stop, Stephanie had been talking with her IT guys. They had managed to get an address off the luggage tag in the video. It was located outside of Atlanta. Once Stephanie learned that, she had to contact the FBI. Apparently, when someone is kidnapped in Oklahoma while travelling to New York and there’s a lead in Georgia, that means you’ve crossed state lines and it turns into a “federal matter.” Last we knew, an agent had been dispatched to the address in hopes of learning something.

I wanted to go down and look with the agent, but Stephanie vetoed it. I understood her reasoning. We were too close to New York for me to start running all over the country being a pony on a mission. I needed to stay close in case something happened with Discord. So, I understood why I was sitting in a cramped hotel with busted AC while my friend was in trouble. That didn’t mean I had to like it.

“Are kidnappings usually like this?” May asked, breaking into my thoughts.

“Wouldn’t know,” Stephanie replied, opening the top two buttons on her blouse and flopping on the other bed. “If I’m dealing with a kidnapping, I’m doing an extraction. FBI has to do the heavy lifting, and they have their own resources. Agent Lynch is good though. I checked up on him. He’ll treat this right and get back to us.”

“Extraction…” May whispered. “Dude, this is the coolest week of my life!” She squeaked on the end. She apparently didn’t notice her moment of Sweetie because she plunged right into asking Stephanie all kinds of questions.

I tuned them out and lay down. I was still learning who I was, and it looked like who I was I had a bit of a temper. I’d have to watch that. Flared tempers don’t care who gets hurt- they’ll just go off and take out everyone around a pony. I found that out from Fluttershy after she took an assertiveness course that sent her a little out of control.

As I lay on the bed, stewing, I thought about how I’d been one of the first ponies she introduced herself to when she came to live Ponyville. I smiled at the memory.

I’d been working out in the fields when I saw this yellow pegasus trotting up the path near the fence, her saddlebags full from a trip to the market. She came toward me, stopping about three feet from the fence on the other side. I’d never seen her before. These were the days before Pinkie Pie, so it still took a while for a new face to get known about town.

I gave her a friendly howdy with a tip of my hat.

She stared at me intensely, her legs knocking.

I waited a bit then asked if she was okay.

She remained quiet, save for a loud gulp.

I hopped the fence and tried getting a little closer to her, but she backed right up. I stopped before she decided to run off. I apologized for scaring her, and asked if she needed anything.

That seemed to get her talking and, after a few false starts, she stammered out a request for a cup of sugar.

One glance at her saddlebags showed she already had a full bag of the stuff. But it was clear she’d worked up quite a bit of courage just to say hello. After a little convincing- okay, a lot of convincing- I was able to get her to the house and I got her that cup of sugar. Then, seeing as she was loaded down, I convinced her that I could walk her back to her house.

Along the way, she was as quiet as Big Mac. Till I told her we had a few critters on hoof.

That was the honey that brought the fly, because she opened up on the spot. From that day on, Fluttershy was Sweet Apple Acres’s go-to animal expert. Since the vet who previously helped our family had retired just a week prior, she was like a gift from Celestia.

I sometimes wondered if that day was just as fated as the one when we all got our cutie marks, or when we all became Elements of Harmony. Either way, I was glad to have a friend in Fluttershy.

I was powerfully worried about her, too. I once explained to Twilight that she’d come a long way just to get to the shy mare who could barely squeak out her name. She’d grown even more confident since then, but she still remained a quiet, gentle sort.

The notion of delicate Fluttershy getting kidnapped chilled me. I’d only barely dealt with my kidnapping. I couldn’t imagine how absolutely terrified and alone she felt.

I was snapped out of my reverie when May poked me.

“What? Huh?” I said.

“Yo, space hayseed,” May said. “We’re getting pizza. Any vetoes aside from the usual veggie only policy?”

“Sorry,” I said, with a blush. “Um. No black olives for me, thanks.”

Stephanie nodded and picked up the hotel phone. Just as she did, her cell went off. She tossed the hotel handset to May and dove for her phone.

“This is Agent Chase,” she said, half-falling off the bed.

I stood up next to May and Sam. My body tensed in anticipation. My ears flicked forward.

“Agent Chase, hi, this is Lynch,” came the voice from the phone. I glanced at May, who nodded. Pony hearing was apparently better than we thought. “I just wanted to update you on the situation.”

“Uh-huh,” she said.

“What’s going on?” I asked, overeager.

She held up a finger and went into the bathroom. Pony hearing was apparently not that good.

After some indistinct noises punctuated with the sound of pacing, she came out. “I understand. Keep me updated.” She sighed, turning off her phone.

“Well?” I asked.

“Nobody was home. He’s securing an emergency court order to enter the premises, but that’s still a few hours processing time. He’ll get back in touch with us when he knows more.”

I was out of the loop again. I could feel my anger heating up. I closed my eyes, taking a breath. It didn’t help much.

“I’m going for a walk,” I said, hopping down from the bed.

“One second,” Stephanie said.

I stopped and glared at her. “I’m going for a walk. Alone, Stephanie,” I snapped.

Stephanie stood where she was, halted in the middle of re-buttoning her blouse. She blinked, looking hurt. The expression disappeared behind one of professional cool.

Dammit. This temper wasn’t doing me any favors. At that moment, I felt like I had unlearned everything I knew about keeping my cool.

“Sorry,” I said, shamefaced. “You didn’t deserve that.”

“You’re under a lot of stress,” Stephanie offered, her voice carefully neutral.

“Yeah,” I said.

The lock in the door whirred and Alphonse entered with a briefcase. He stopped, sensing the tension between Stephanie and me.

“Can I order this pizza now?” May asked.

Stephanie and I shot her equally annoyed looks.

“Oh please,” May said, rolling her eyes. “I’m really scared.”

Dinner was quiet with Alphonse keeping one eye out the window while Stephanie, May, and I ate. Then, when Stephanie had finished, she traded off with Alphonse so he could get some food.

“I’ll take first watch,” she said.

“Fine with me,” he replied, stretching. “I’m pushing sixteen thanks to all this pony business.”

“I’m much lighter,” she confirmed, smiling. “You go rest.”

Alphonse went to his room and Stephanie said she was fine with us having the lights off. May got in close to me on our shared bed while Sam flopped at the foot. Her paws kicked in the air as she chased dream rabbits.

Sleep took a while to come, and I spent the time watching Stephanie watch the outside. I felt like I needed to tell her something more, or apologize again. Instead, I just stared while she was vigilant and protective, doing her job. The last thing I saw was her adjusting her seat for the umpteenth time so she wouldn’t nod off.

I admit, I was a little nervous what I’d find in my head. Before, when I’d been both Rachel and AJ, they had gotten used to hashing things out in their minds while their body slept. They would swap notes, make sense of their previous lives, yell at each other, basically get to be better friends. Now that I was only one mind- would I just dream like I used to?

As I walked through the woods of Upstate New York with Sam, May, and Stephanie by my side, I wished I had the presence of mind to say, “Well that answers that question!” Instead, I crept along slowly, and didn’t say anything about Stephanie being a pony with her gun in her mouth.

“Be careful,” she said.

“I’m always careful,” I replied.

“You’re really not,” Jim said.

“Jim, you’re dead. Shut up,” I said.

He shrugged and leaned against a tree to die again. Blood poured in gallons from his chest, painting the forest floor. I squelched through the muck and May kept muttering, “Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.”

Sam started singing that it was a dog’s life.

“Ugh, would y’all shut it!” I yelled. “This is hard!”

“And it’s only going to get harder,” a new voice said.

I blinked, turned to the voice, and I wasn’t fetlock-deep in blood any more.

She was a pony, but not any that I immediately recognized. She was familiar-ish, and I thought she might be Apple Clan. Her cutie mark was three apples, she had a light-orange coat, and firm farmer’s muscle, but she also had a dark brown mane, cut more for city life, and hazel eyes framed by glasses.

“Hey Rae Jay,” she said with a half-smile. “We need to talk.”

“We do?” I asked, trying to place the familiarity.

“Yep,” the pony said. “You, me, and your other mom.”

“Other…” I peered closer and she came into focus.

“Rachel?!” I exclaimed, confused.

She nodded. “Yep. Not as merged as we thought,” she said, with a smile.

“But how?” I asked.

Glancing down at herself, she said, “Well… we’re not sure, but it looks like whatever put us together and made you kept a backup. In a way.” She turned, tossing her head. “Come on. Supper’s almost done.”

I followed her across a familiar field where a two-storied house stood, the wood panels painted in alternating red and white stripes. Green shutters and dark brown shingles kept it from looking completely like a candy cane. It had a large patio and a welcome mat at the front door, on which Rachel instructed me to wipe my hooves before coming in.

“This is a little surreal,” I said.

“You should see yourself in a mirror,” Rachel replied.

Tempting as the notion was, I kept my gaze straight ahead and avoided the hallway mirror just inside the door. The house was built to pony scale, and a heavenly aroma wafted out of the kitchen.

“That her?” a familiar voice called out.

“Yeah. Found her in a nightmare. It’s gonna be rough in here for a while,” Rachel said, and we crossed into a kitchen that I’d only dreamed about.

Full gas-range and stove, plenty of space to chop vegetables, and every pot or pan I could want hanging on easily reachable hooks. I could only guess at the utensils available. I spotted AJ in the thick of it, her mouth wrapped around a hefty wooden spoon as she stirred the contents of a massive pot. She grinned at the sight of me.

“Howdy,” she said. She spat out the spoon and came over to hug me. “It’s good to see you. Lemme look at ya girl.”

“Uh…” I said as she pushed me to foreleg’s length for inspection. “I’m seriously missing something.”

“You’re not,” she replied. “You sit. Rachel, help me with this here pot.”

“Yeth marthter,” Rachel groaned, dragging her back hoof.

I giggled. AJ rolled her eyes.

“I swear, I hope your sense of humor is better’n hers,” she said, the both of them going behind the counter as I sat down.

Knowing AJ’s preference for good manners, I kept my hooves off the table. She smiled at me.

“So…” I said. “Y’all aren’t… gone?”

“‘The report of my death was an exaggeration,’” Rachel quoted.

I laughed at the joke, and she went on.

“So, you remember how we were tearing down each of our houses in some big metaphor about us building a new one that combined both?” I nodded. “Well, after we finished tearing the walls down, we woke up here.” She looked at AJ, eyebrow raised, and added, “In bed. Together.”

“Weren’t my idea,” AJ said, sprinkling a little salt in the pot. “I’m blamin’ that all on your youthful slash-writin’ days, missy.”

Rachel rolled her eyes.

“Can we focus?” I asked. “I know y’all are doing the JohnLock thing down here, but I got real troubles outside.”

“We know,” Rachel said. “We’re sort of you, remember?”

“So you don’t know any more than I do? Super,” I muttered, slouching.

“Hey now. That ain’t totally true,” AJ said. She took a taste from her stew and nodded in satisfaction. She shot Rachel a significant look, and the other pony went to the cupboard to get out bowls and placemats, setting the table.

“We know that you’re worked up and figured we could calm you down,” AJ said.

“You are acting like a bit of a bitch,” Rachel said, sitting next to me and hoofing me a mug of warm cider. “Steph’s cool. She’s really going out of her way with all that she’s doing and you’re just being a jerk.”

“Do you expect I could be any other way?” I snapped, rising. “My friend is in trouble and I’m just sittin’ around, chewin’ on my hat!”

AJ ladled out stew that smelled richly of potatoes, carrots, and other inviting aromas.

“Yeah, you ain’t goin’ anywhere for now,” she said, returning the pot to the counter. “And you’ve waited before. You’re a farmer, girl. You know patience.”

I was about to snap at her again, but then I remembered her life: waiting for the apples to grow, waiting on Mac to come back with supplies, waiting for one thing or another, and Applejack Apple never lost her cool. I glanced away, taking a breath to ease my nerves. This time, it worked.

“That’s right,” AJ said. “This ain’t nothin’ more than waitin’ for a crop to grow. What do we do when we’re waitin’?” She went around the table to sit on the other side of me.

“Get busy,” I said softly. “There’s always work to be done.”

“Damn straight,” AJ said.

“Guess I’m rubbing off on you,” Rachel said with a cocky grin.

“Don’t let it go to her head,” AJ retorted.

Day 13

I woke with the taste of potatoes and carrots in my mouth. May snored next to me as I blinked into full wakefulness. Alphonse was by the window and smiled at me in the early light.

“Morning,” he whispered.

“Hey,” I whispered back. “What time is it?”

“Six,” he said.

I nodded. Sounded right. That was almost sleeping in by AJ’s standards.

“I’m gonna get a shower before there’s a line,” I said.

Alphonse nodded.

As I moved off the bed, Sam thumped her tail where she lay and grinned at me. I rubbed her belly in passing and went into the bathroom. Turning on the shower, I shut the bathroom door most of the way and waited for the hot water to kick in.

Climbing inside the tub, I let the shower clear off whatever muck I hadn’t got to yesterday when we first checked in. As I stood under the water, just soaking for a bit, I thought about what I could do.

Getting clean was a good first step. Next I should go over my gear. I didn’t need to haul all that food any more- Stephanie and Alphonse were feeding us well. I should offer the granola as breakfast. What else…? Oh yeah. Organize my wallet so it was more hoof and mouth friendly. Then, groom Sam. We just hit her with the hose yesterday, so she still needed a proper wash. After that, call Max, update him, and see if he wanted in on this. At the very least, he could meet me in New York.

I nodded, satisfied with my internal list. I could stay busy. I knew how to wait.

Chapter 4: The Lawless Frontier

Alphonse was grateful for the granola bars, as was Stephanie when she woke. I moved on to cleaning the canteen and setting the last of my old food supplies out for everyone. After that, I put Sam in the shower and washed her thoroughly. This meant the water was running nice and loud, drowning out May’s yelp at waking.

Stephanie appeared in the bathroom doorway.

“We need you to talk to May. Something’s up,” she said.

“Take over the dog,” I replied, with a nod.

Stephanie came over, rolling up the sleeves of her blouse. Once she had her hands around Sam and was rubbing soap into her fur, I backed off, Sam whining at my departure. I flashed her a reassuring smile that got her tail wagging. That just sent soap suds flying in all directions, forcing Stephanie to duck and dodge the flying suds.

“What’s up?” I asked once back in the hotel room.

“Applejack!” May said, bounding off the bed to hug me.

I stared down. May had never reacted to me like that. The only filly who had…

“Sweetie?” I asked, holding her.

“Something’s wrong with May! We met in the dream last night and were talking and she asked if she could play with me, so we did and we played with some of her toys and music, but when I woke up she wasn’t there and I’m really fucking scared!”

I blinked.

“What did you say?”

“I’m scared! I’m fucking losing my shit here, AJ!”

Oh boy. Nodding and stroking her mane comfortingly, I got down so I was eye-level with the filly.

“Now, hon, this is gonna sound weird, but I’m gonna say some words to you. I want you to tell me which is your name,” I said.

The filly across from me scrunched her muzzle in confusion. “Applejack- what’re you talking about?”

“Just... trust me. Now, is your name May?”

“Yes.”

“Is it Sweetie?”

“Yes.”

I waited.

Her eyes got as wide as saucers. “Oh wooooow!” She looked down at herself, then touched her cheeks. “It happened? I merged? Is that what happened? I thought it’d be more… I dunno. More intense!”

I laughed softly. “It’s okay, hon. Looks like gettin’ merged is different for everypony.”

“And I called you AJ. I’m so sorry, Rae Jay. Especially now that my name doesn’t make sense.”

I shrugged. “Just means you gotta pick a new one, squirt,” I said, rising up and ruffling her mane.

She considered for a moment before looking back to me.

“I think I’ll keep May, but with the rest of my name too. May Belle? Does that sound okay?”

“Sounds great,” I said.

“This is so weird,” she said, walking back to the bed. “I’m like, older and younger and ohmygawd, those weren’t bleeps! May was totally using bad words!” She paused, made a face. “I’m surprised and not at the same time.” She looked back to me. “How does that work?”

I laughed and shrugged. “Welcome to Rashomon effect, squirt. Front row seat.”

That just made her pull an even bigger face. “Huh?”

“I’ll explain it when you’re older,” I said.

“So, are we good? No more shouting?” Alphonse asked. He had his body half turned from minding the window.

“Oh! Yes. I’m sorry I scared you, Mr. Alphonse,” May said, shuffling over to him. “We still cool?”

Alphonse broke into a very sincere smile. “We’re still cool,” he said and offered his fist.

May squealed, bumping it with her hoof.

“Y’know, I wish more of my babysitting gigs were this peaceful,” he said, with a lazy grin.

Stephanie’s phone rang.

“Can someone get that?” she called from the bathroom. “I’m up to my elbow in dog, here!”

“I got it,” I said, going to the chair where her jacket hung. Pulling the phone out with my teeth, I checked the screen and saw the number didn’t have a name attached. I took the call. “Yello, this is Rae Jay.”

“This is Agent Lynch. Where’s Agent Chase?” came a man’s stern baritone.

“Who is it?” Stephanie called.

“Hang on,” I said. I pulled her phone away from my head and turned on the speaker. “You’re on speaker, Steph and, um, sir.”

“Letting your principal answer the phone Agent Chase?”

“I’m washing her dog, Bill, bite me,” she responded. “Do you have anything for me or is it same as it ever was?”

“Bad news is that the address belonged to someone who got carjacked at the airport,” Agent Bill Lynch said.

“Aw, man,” May said. Alphonse and I shushed her.

“In fact, he was just a civilian on a business trip and we beat him back home. He showed up while we were searching his house. This is where the good news actually kicks in.”

“I like good news, Bill,” Stephanie said.

“The guy had his cell in his luggage.”

I never thought I’d be in a room where I could hear a pin drop, but there I was. Not even Sam made a sound.

“Is it on?” Stephanie said. She rose from dog washing and moved to the doorframe. Sam dripped all over her as she held the dog at chest height.

“The main office is already tracking. I’m supposed to- Wait. I think this is it. Hang on.”

The line went quiet.

“Lucky, lucky, dumb,” Stephanie muttered, shaking her head.

Bill came back. “We’ve got it triangulated. It’s a bit outside Poughkeepsie.”

Stephanie beamed at me, and I grinned back. Looks like we were saddling up after all.

“I’ll put in this call to the New York office. We’ll get a task force together and have the head agent get in touch with you so he knows who he’s looking for.”

Stephanie blinked, all the hope on her face dashed. “R- right,” she said. “I’ll be in touch. Thank you.”

“Stephanie? Good work on the tag. You got the ball rolling here,” Bill replied and hung up.

The room went quiet again, with the only sound Sam dripping water on the floor.

“What just happened?” I asked.

Stephanie dropped to the bathroom tiles. Sam wiggled out of her grip to shake herself dry before coming over to me. I grabbed one of the hotel’s towels to finish the job.

“This is a kidnapping,” Stephanie said. “And since it’s across state lines the FBI takes point. So we’re following procedure. Which means it’ll take them at least another hour to scramble a team, have ingress to the site, case it, then committee the best point of entry…” She growled, rubbing at her forehead. “We don’t have time for this.”

“Well…these are the pro’s right?” I said, but I could see Stephanie’s agitation. Sure, I was being a patient camper, but if she was itching to do something...

“It’s just an extraction,” Stephanie muttered. I don’t think she’d really heard me. “I could go in, remove the target, eliminate hostiles…” She trailed off and went quiet, her hand at her chin as she thought.

“Stephanie…” Alphonse said after a minute of silence. “You lookin’ to get chewed out?”

She looked up, and there was a determination in her eyes I hadn’t seen before.

“I aim to misbehave,” she said resolutely.

I grinned.

Alphonse waited with May and me in the car. Sam was obeying my command to remain quiet.

“She do this kind of thing often?” I asked.

Alphonse shrugged. “I’ve worked three assignments with her,” he replied. “And she was one-hundred-percent, by-the-book on those.” He scratched his cheek with his thumb. “Though... I’d heard she’d gone cowboy before.”

“Yeah?” I said.

“Yeah,” he replied.

“What happened?”

“She got reassigned to Oklahoma for a few months after she broke protocol during a sting. I don’t know how, but she managed to piss off two levels of superiors. She would have been permanently reassigned except she got some kids out of the line of fire.”

“Kids?” I asked.

“It was a human trafficking bust. She was support for another team.”

I nodded.

“She’s still the coolest to me!” May chirped.

“And she’s back,” I said, spotting her as she came back to the car at a jog.

“Okay, it looks like we’re dealing with amateurs. They’re enthusiastic amateurs, but still amateurs.”

“Greeeeeeat,” Alphonse said. “And why can’t we let the FBI handle this again?”

“They’ll take too long,” Stephanie said, glancing back from where she came. “Plus, their presence would be noticed. We’re small, we’re mobile and I know RJ has combat experience.”

I cocked my head at her, confused.

“Oh come on, I heard about the bar fight,” she said.

I blushed. “Oh. Yeah. I ain’t too proud of that.”

“You’re going in with civilian support?” Alphonse asked, his voice taking a sharp edge.

“And I need you to hang back in case things get really bad and we have to hustle the local bureau to our location.”

“They’re probably gonna be here in an hour anyway. Are you sure about the address, Steph?”

“For the thousandth time, yes,” Stephanie replied with an eye-roll. “Carrie owed me a favor. Can you do this for me Al?”

He sighed, looked at the roof of the car, then back to Stephanie.

“I’m gonna get yelled at,” he said, resigned.

“That’s what I like to hear,” Stephanie said, going around to the trunk. “Rae Jay! Join me?”

I rose and adjusted my hat. As I put my hoof on the door handle, May touched my back leg.

“Be careful, okay?” she said, her eyes slightly larger than usual.

“I’ll be fine, sugarcube,” I said, softly. “Gotta come back to you, don’t I?”

She nodded, still looking distressed.

“Hey now,” I said. “No need for that. Here.” I took off Liana and perched it on May Belle’s head. “I told a little girl I’d return that to her. So, I gotta come back to you if I’m gonna do just that. You know I’m a pony of my word, right?”

That earned a smile.

“Alrighty. You listen to Alphonse, keep Sam company. We’ll be back presently.” I gave her a quick hug and nodded to Alphonse. He returned the gesture with his own curt nod.

Hopping down from the backseat, I came around to see Stephanie slapping down the last of the velcro on her bulletproof vest.

“I want to give you some protection,” she said, checking her weapon. “But we don’t have anything that would remotely fit. Plus your anatomy…”

“Don’t worry, sug,” I said. “I’m just gonna use you as a shield if the lead starts flying.”

She gave me a wry smile. “You sure are the Element of Honesty,” she said.

I tapped at the metal around my neck. “Don’t you forget it. So how we doin’ this?”

“Like I said- it’s amateur hour down there,” she said and cocked her gun. “So we’re doing it like professionals.”

The door opened and the guy behind it looked like he belonged on a reality TV show for rednecks: big beard, ball cap and camo. He pretty much wore all the camo, ever.

Stephanie held up her ID.

“Special Agent Chase of the CIA,” she said. “I’m here to secure the facility.”

“Pardon?” he said in a way I could tell had less to do with his lack of hearing and more to do with his lack of thinking.

Stephanie sighed and slipped her ID back into her back pocket- an impressive feat as it was mostly blocked by her vest. Angling her head so the sun caught her big, spook-looking sunglasses a little, she projected a menacing, governmental figure.

“I’m Agent Chase,” she repeated. “I was told that this facility had agreed to cooperate with the CIA in the capture and containment of the ponies arising out of this pandemic.”

“Um,” he said, furrowing his bushy-eyed brow in thought. He turned back inside. “Hey Elle! We, um, we got government visitors!”

“You check their ID?” came a raspy shout. It sounded like years of cigarette smoking.

“Can I see that again?” he asked.

Stephanie raised an eyebrow behind her sunglasses. She tapped the badge on the outside of her vest. “The Agency doesn’t like to be kept waiting and I have three more facilities to secure after this. You can work with me or you can work with the incoming staff sergeant who likes to take things over and kick people off their posts. Your call.”

Bearded guy blinked at that. Then he noticed me and turned to stare.

“What’s up with that thing?” he asked, pointing.

Stephanie and I had talked this over on the walk in. If her gambit was going to work, I had to look dumber than a bag of hammers and act half as aware.

That was a little tricky since the walk took about ten minutes, which gave me plenty of time to think about everything that could go wrong with this plan. Then we came to a small, run-down warehouse that had a handful of offices attached to it. The offices’ windows were all boarded up and the walls of the warehouse were heavily rusted in spots. The place was surrounded by sparse grass and the air smelled like burned gasoline. A relaxing, inviting location this wasn’t.

“Oh, she’s mine,” Stephanie said. “She’s not quite right because of how she became a pony. But she’s good for finding others, so I use her like a bloodhound.”

Taking a breath, I committed myself to what we were doing.

“Moo,” I said.

Bearded guy stared at me some more.

“Wait, wait. What’s wrong with her?”

“Couldn’t handle the strain,” her voice still a flat, Jack Webb-like affect. “She thinks she’s a cow. Tragic really. Once all this is over, I’ll take her to a nice pasture and maybe let her graze. She used to be my co-worker.”

“Moo,” I said again.

“Um,” he said. “Look, much as I want to, I can’t let you in without the password.”

“Really,” Stephanie asked, sliding her sunglasses down. “Password.”

He shrugged, as if this was his lot in life. “Those’re the orders ma’am. And if you don’t have the password…” His hand went behind the doorframe, and I spied the butt of a rifle just peeking out.

Stephanie rolled her eyes. “Swordfish,” she said.

Bearded guy smiled broadly, showing perfect teeth under his grizzled beard.

“That’ll do ‘er.” Glancing at me again, he pointed and asked, “Should we call it your prisoner?”

“Moo,” I said, sarcastically.

“She’s more like a companion. I’m quite attached. Just want to make sure everything’s-”

Stephanie’s phone rang. She smiled apologetically, like she was at a movie theater rather than a evil, dirty warehouse compound that held my friend Erishy hostage. Taking it out, she turned away. “Agent Chase,” she said.

While she spoke, bearded guy took an interest in my Element.

“Now, ain’t that some pretty gold…” he said.

I looked at him, my expression flat.

“I’m sure you won’t mind if I…” His hand reached out.

Like I’ve said, I’m proud of my Element and I like to show it off. But not to this yahoo. Thinking fast, I did the only thing that sprung to mind: I bit him.

“Ow! Ow! Heeeeell!” he yelled, jumping back. “That smarts!”

Stephanie quirked her eyebrow at me. I pretended I was chewing cud.

“It gonna do that to anyone else?” the guy demanded sharply.

“No,” Stephanie replied, turning off her phone. “It… looks like it’s all out of her system. Just be careful, she may have trust issues.”

“Moo,” I grumbled.

“Who was that?” bearded guy asked, letting us inside the house, still shaking his hand. Baby. I didn’t bite that hard.

“My superior. I told them I was checking the facilities and ensuring everything was in working order. I’m to call him back once I’ve conferred with the man in charge here and your big prisoner, so we can work out official government support.”

Bearded guy grinned his perfect grin again.

“Glad to hear you guys are on the right side of things for once,” he said, nodding.

“I’m always on the right side of things,” Stephanie said, removing her sunglasses. “Lead the way please?”

He nodded and walked us through what used to be a lobby with a receptionist’s desk. Now, the room had fallen into disuse save for a coffee table and some folding chairs. We went through one door and passed a few more deserted offices before approaching another door, where a fierce-looking woman with badly dyed, blonde hair stood, holding a shotgun.

“Is this that federal agent?” she spat, gesturing with her weapon. It was cocked and ready, safety off. It didn’t look like a rusting p.o.s. rifle I’d seen a few days ago, but it didn’t look great either. I thought people in the boonies were supposed to give a crap about their guns.

“Yep. She got the password.”

The woman sized up Stephanie with a squinty, smoke-hazed glare. Stephanie met it with a distant, cool one.

“If she causes trouble, it’s on your head, Brian,” the woman said and she set the shotgun against the wall. Taking out a cigarette she lit it and blew smoke at me. “Fucking freak,” she said, brushing by.

“Moo,” I said, coughing.

“Elle’s been with us since day one. She’s pretty dedicated, “ Brian chuckled.

“That’s nice,” Stephanie said. “But we’re wasting time. If you’re done introducing me to the welcome wagon, I’d like to see the man in charge. Now.”

He nodded and lead us through a narrow hallway that joined to the larger warehouse. We approached a steel door with a heavy padlock that looked like it was bought at a hardware store. Brian unlocked it with a key he dug out of his camo coveralls, then opened it to reveal a skinny kid with a pistol jammed in his pants. Brian saluted him, looking proud.

“I’ve brought government support to see the boss,” Brian said.

The kid looked at Stephanie and sneered. At least, I think he was sneering. I was too preoccupied by how greasy he was.

“This bitch here?” the kid said. He said “bitch” like it made him more grown-up.

Stephanie sighed. “I’m having a real long day here,” she said, hands on hips.

“Yeah, so? I can make it longer if you-” he was cut off because Stephanie had taken one step forward, grabbed his black t-shirt in a death grip and twisted it around so her fist pressed right into his throat. He gagged.

“Moo,” I said, cheerfully.

“I have had to fly two hours from the main office and drive another two through the boonies to get here and I’m not going to be delayed any further by some shithead brat who isn’t even old enough to vote!” she snapped.

The kid gagged. Stephanie held his gaze for another breath, then released him, shoving him down. His gun dropped from his baggy pants to skitter across the concrete floor.

Stephanie straightened her collar and looked at Brian.

“Now. On top of the man in charge, I’d like to see the big prisoner,” she said. It wasn’t a request.

“Uh, uh,” Brian stammered, staring at the kid who had blossoming knuckle bruises against his adam’s apple. “G-go down the hall, hang a left then the end of the hall and a right. Lots of guards there. Can’t miss it.”

“Thanks,” Stephanie said, her voice acid.

She stepped over the kid and swooped down to pick up his gun. As she walked, she unloaded it, and only two bullets came out, hitting the floor in the process. Rolling her eyes in disgust at the lack of professionalism, she jammed the slide. She tossed it behind her.

“Service your damn weapon and get a full clip,” she said and we turned the corner.

I chuckled as we walked.

“Check out the balls on you,” I whispered.

She didn’t look down, instead focusing straight ahead. “Like I said, amateur hour.”

“How’d you know the password?”

“Because amateur hour means everyone thinks they’re clever when they’re not. You wouldn’t believe how many times that’s been the password for up-and-coming organizations run by idiots.”

“And the phone call?”

“That was really FBI. I told them I was near by and I could check the perimeter for them.” She flashed me a wild grin. “I’m thorough, can you tell?”

I nodded, chuckling, and my hooves clopped noisily on the concrete floor. Down one hall I saw someone standing at a door. Next to him was a lopsided piece of paper taped to the wall, which read in shaky handwriting: Pony Prisoners. Stephanie followed my gaze and frowned.

“Then again… maybe I should have waited for the Bureau,” she muttered.

“Too late now,” I said after we were out of sight. “We’ll get ‘em on the way out.”

She looked down at me. “What? Really?”

“I ain’t leavin’ anypony hangin’.”

She pushed air out her nose. “Okay. I guess I’ll have to come up with something then,” she said quietly.

We only passed one other person, and he was barely older than the greasy kid at the door. Rather than looking like he just got his driver’s license, he at least looked old enough to have his GED. He nodded at Stephanie, who nodded back.

Turning the last corner, we found the room Brian had described. It was hard to miss. Guys in various shades of dark t-shirts, cargo pants, and boots were crowding around a glass frame. Their guns were tucked into their waistbands or resting on the ground behind them.

“Freaking amateur hour,” Stephanie grumbled. Straightening her posture and lengthening her stride she stormed toward the clutch of men, her shoes clacking sharply on the floor. A few heads turned our way and I kept my expression carefully blank.

“What the hell is going on?” she demanded in a tone that showed nothing less than complete control.

The men all came alive at once, tripping and falling over each other as they attempted to get into some kind of order. By the time Stephanie and I were standing in front of them, three were on the floor on top of each other, four stood at decent attention, two were trying to keep their pistols from going down their pants, and two more attempted to tuck in their shirts one handed as they clutched their rifles. I half expected to hear the Three Stooges theme.

Stephanie tapped her foot impatiently.

“Well?” she said. “I’m waiting.”

“We were, uh, watching the interrogation, sir. Ma’am? Sir ma’am?” said one guy who had a goatee in bad need of just not existing.

“And how many of you are actually supposed to be watching?”

Two nervous hands went up as the rest remained shame-faced.

“Get back to your posts you assholes!” she barked. “Go! Now! On the motherfucking double!”

Again they burst into stumbling activity, falling over one another while the two guys who were supposed to be there shook badly. I focused on the floor and on not laughing.

The area cleared quick except for the bad goatee and one other man. I was already thinking of them as Tweedledee and Tweedledum. Stephanie tapped her foot again.

“Well…” she said.

“Ma’am? Sir?” said the guy with the really bad goatee, who I’d decided was Tweedledee.

“Are you going to let me in, soldier, or are you going to catch flies with your mouth all day?” Stephanie snapped.

“Mooooo,” I groaned in an attempt to cover my laughter.

Tweedledum stared at me, realizing I’d been there the whole time.

“Ma’am, is that one of the-”

“She’s with me. She’s braindead. The prisoner! Now!”

Tweedledee fumbled the keys and after three tries opened the lock. When the door opened, I stopped laughing.

Inside were a quite a few serious-looking men, making what was once a large room crowded and cramped. A guy in a black tuxedo groaned, pulling my attention. He moved away from the wall he’d been sitting against, revealing Fluttershy.

She was out cold. She had shallow cuts and bruises all over her body, and the fur above her hooves was raw and red. One of her eyes had been punched out and was almost closed over.

She looked dead. My heart stopped.