Chapter 14

"Okay, it's time for a history lesson for Moon Shadow and Dr. Ray, and a refresher for Trixie and I," I say, having gathered everypony in the living room after we unpacked all of our recently bought supplies. I sit on my haunches on the couch, having reverted to a four-legged pony after everything was put away. I have a slight headache from concentrating on my magic for most of the afternoon, but I consider that a small price to pay for the major convenience of having hands and standing upright. I realized, after a few hours of holding the form, that it got harder to remain bipedal the longer I held it. It took more and more concentration, eventually resulting in a headache, which I also realized would probably turn into a full-blown migraine if I held the form for too long.

Which makes me wonder, if I manage to ignore the migraine and stay bipedal through it, will I cause myself permanent harm? Or could I even die from it? Not exactly a pleasant thought, but not something I feel I can ignore, either.

"A history lesson? What kind of history lesson?" asks Dr. Ray as he sits down, breaking me from my worried thinking.

"We're going to watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. As far as I can tell, it is a fair representation of Equestria, and our history," I say, looking from one face to another.

"Are you sure?" Moon Shadow questions.

"As sure as I can be without more memories. At the very least it gives us an idea of what home was like, and it'll help pass the time," I reply.

"Trixie thinks that what Irony is saying makes sense. We should see if we can learn something," Trixie is much more subdued, and I can tell she still feels bad about earlier.

The poor thing couldn't help that she used to be extremely pompous and arrogant. I'm glad that she is trying to control it; I know she doesn't want to be like that anymore.

I pat the seat next to me with a hoof, and she takes the hint, sitting down next to me. Now I am sandwiched between her and Moon Shadow.

"I don't think I can watch this show with you," says Dr. Ray, with a pained expression on his face.

"Is it because it's a show that was made for little girls?" Trixie asks.

"No. It's because..." he trails off, his eyes shining with unshed tears.

"It's okay, Ray. You don't have to tell us if you don't want to," I say, trying to put him at ease.

"No, I think he'd want me to talk to you, I'm sure he'd tell me it'd be good for me," he starts. "You see, it's my brother. He...he died about eight years ago. He was only 17 at the time."

The Doc pauses for a moment to swipe the tears from his eyes, "His name was Jake. To this day it's still hard for me to think about him, I always tear up. He was a great kid. He had an amazing future ahead of him, he would have been Valedictorian of his class if he'd lived. He'd already been offered a full-ride scholarship to Harvard.

"Then this show came out," he points to the TV where the show's menu is up, "and he just fell in love with it from the start. It quickly became his favorite thing to watch, to the exclusion of almost everything else. He even managed to get me to watch it with him a few times, even though I was ten years older than him and busy with my own life. Even though I didn't become a huge fan, I could see why he liked it. It was a great show, funny, witty, and always had a great message.

"He certainly wasn't shy about his love for the show, he wouldn't hide it. He once told me he couldn't hide it even if he wanted to, because it just spoke to him on a deep level. He said that something about the show resonated with his core.

"Unfortunately, we lived in an area that wasn't very tolerant of people that were seen as different. At first he was simply mocked at school, then the teasing became more  merciless. Then his things were getting vandalized, once someone spray-painted the word 'Faggot' across his locker. He just scrubbed it off, without bothering to report it. When none of that deterred him, some guys, I always assumed they were from his school, well, they cornered him and beat him almost within an inch of his life.

"You know, I've had a lot of time to think about this over the last eight years. I was never able to help him at the time, because he didn't tell me, and our parents were in denial about it. I found out about it all afterward from our mom. You see, I was off at college myself, studying to be a doctor, and only came home on breaks and holidays.

"To this day, I think that if it had stopped after that one beating, he would have been okay. But he didn't give up, so they beat him again. And then again. The fourth time they beat him, they put him in the hospital for six weeks with broken ribs and bruised kidneys. But he wouldn't ever finger who did it, or allow charges to be pressed.

"I think the final straw came a few weeks after he was released from the hospital. Our father, may he rot in the seventh circle of hell for all eternity, stepped in and tried to make him stop watching ponies. He became verbally abusive, belittling him and questioning his manhood. Then he started hitting Jake.

"I'm pretty sure that was the straw that broke Jake, the fact that his own father, who had never laid a hand on him before, was calling him horrible things and hitting him. It broke him inside, and he never recovered.

"I came home for spring break, planning on visiting family instead of going out partying. When I came home, no one was around, but the house felt wrong, so I started looking for sign of anyone. The sight that greeted me when I opened his bedroom door will remain with me forever. Even if I live to be a hundred, I will never forget his swollen and purple face. I will never forget how his neck was bent at an angle, as if he was praying, or how the flesh of his throat was so puffy you almost couldn't see the rope that he'd tied around his own neck.

"The absolute worst part of it, though, was that he didn't hang himself from the rafters and kick a chair out from underneath himself. No, my brother, my extremely smart, loving brother, wanted to die more than anything else. And I think he wanted it to be known that he chose this, to the very end. He tied the rope around his own neck, and hung himself from the doorknob. He knelt there, head bowed, with the rope around his neck, only needing to sit up to save himself, until he died. He had to choose, every second of that agony, to stay there and die," Dr. Ray has stopped trying to wipe the tears away as they now flow freely down his face, dripping onto his chest in a veritable river.

"Oh my sweet Celestia," I say, not knowing what else to say to that horrifically sad tale.

Ray nods, "Yeah, that about sums it up. For a while afterwards, I wanted to blame the show, but I realized it wasn't the cartoon's fault, it's just a cartoon meant for little kids. It was those around him that took intolerance to a whole new level that were to blame. I wanted to get revenge, but had nowhere to start, and I was paralyzed by my own guilt, knowing that I'd failed him when he most needed me. I still blame myself for not being there, for being blind to what was happening in his life.

"Then, a few weeks later, and I'll never know for sure how he arranged that little feat, I got a letter from him. In that letter he begged me not to blame myself, and not to hate the people that hurt him, not because he forgave them, but because he didn't want me to be hurt by my own hatred. He also told me how much the time I'd spent with him while he was growing up meant to him. Reading that made me fall to pieces.

"It took me better than two weeks to be able to read his letter all the way through, I started blubbering like a little kid every time I tried to read it. At the end of the letter, there was one small bit of comfort. He told me how he'd arranged to get his revenge on those who had hurt him. His letter told me how he'd collected irrefutable proof of who had hurt him, and how he'd arranged for the state police to get that evidence now that he was gone.

"And it worked, too. A few weeks later, the state police made eight arrests. Seven boys from his high school, and our father. I should say they attempted to arrest our father, but he got away by dying of a heart attack as they tried to arrest him. I do wish I'd been there when that happened, to see the look of shock on his face as they read him his rights, and then when his heart stopped.

"Anyway, the seven boys were tried, as adults mind you, for three separate counts of aggravated assault, and one count of attempted murder. And the evidence was such that the charges all stuck. Even in death, Jake was a genius," Dr. Ray finishes, his tears having stopped and his eyes dry.

We all sit there in silence for several minutes, then I finally break the silence, "I'm so sorry for your loss. Your brother sounds like an amazing person, and I wish I had gotten a chance to know him."

"It's entirely possible that you did," the Doc says mysteriously, pulling out a faded, oft folded, piece of paper and looking at it.

"What do you mean?" I ask him, confusion plain on my face. In response, he just leans forward and sets the piece of paper in front of me. I gasp loudly as my eyes fall on it.

"But..." I look up at him, and he nods.

"My brother drew that after a dream he had one night. It was included with the letter he sent me. I never understood why he gave it to me, at least not until recently."

On the paper in front of me is a drawing. The drawing is a very good rendition of my cutie marks. Not part of them, not one of them, but both my cutie marks, side by side, in color. They are a perfect match to me.

"And that is the real reason I chose to stay. I saw those pictures, the ones I've looked at every day since they were delivered into my hands, on a creature I never thought I would see in real life. I couldn't just leave after that. My brother would have wanted me to stay, I know it."

After what feels like an eternity of me trying to form words, I finally get out, "When was his birthday?"

The Doc looks at me for a moment, then says, "May 1st, why?"

"Oh...my..." I can't finish as I am overwhelmed with emotion at the realization that a fellow pony is dead, and has been for a long time. I will never even know who he was, I realize, and tears come pouring from my eyes.

"She thinks he was a pony like us," Moon Shadow tells Dr. Ray, as I am unable to respond.

Dr. Ray's face pales visibly as he looks from one face to another. It is clear that he has no idea how to respond to that.

I climb off the couch and step over to him, laying my head in his lap as I weep at his, and our, loss. He tentatively pats my head, and soon is running the fingers of both his hands through my mane. After a few minutes, he lifts my chin up and looks into my eyes.

"Thank you. I finally understand what he meant in his letter when he said 'She will heal your pain'. Thank you, Irony, for being here for me. I never knew it, but I've needed to talk about this for a long time. You are an amazing pony, and I know he wanted me to meet you," he whispers.

"I'm glad I have gotten the chance to meet you. You are a wonderful person, and I can see that your brother was very lucky to have you to look up to when he was growing. Thank you for taking care of one of our own," I say to him, just as quietly.

"The Great and Terribly Saddened Trixie, invites you to watch ponies with three misplaced Equestrians in honor of your lost brother," Trixie says, taking Ray's hand in both of her own.

Dr. Ray hesitates, then with fresh tears threatening to spill from his eyes, nods in agreement.

Trixie and I retake our seats on the couch, offering to make room for the Doc, but he silently shakes his head, needing a little more time to think.

After a few more minutes of fussing around, Trixie queues up the first season, and presses play on episode one. We relax into our seats as the show starts.

It's been a while since I watched these earlier shows, I realize as I'm sucked into the show once again. Reminds me why I fell in love with this show in the first place. Though I suppose it helped that I was actually a pony all along.

Moon Shadow is cuddled up next to me on the couch, with Trixie sitting comfortably on the other side. I'm really enjoying the show when I feel Shadow tense up next to me. I look over at her, and she has this sad/angry intense look on her face. I'm about to ask if she's okay when she relaxes again and rubs her hand across my shoulder. I cock an eyebrow at her, and she mouths: later. I nod, then turn back to the show, not wanting to draw attention to her.

After a couple of episodes, Dr. Ray excuses himself, saying he's tired, and goes to bed. I can't blame him, knowing that this has been a very emotional day for him, as well as for us. I really appreciate that he stayed to watch some with us, especially when I know he must have been thinking about his brother the whole time.

I'm still thinking about the Doc, and his brother, when the first Trixie episode, 'Boast Busters', comes on. A few moments later I hear Trixie sobbing quietly beside me. I lean my head against her shoulder, thinking maybe she's now upset about how she's portrayed in this episode. I'm surprised when she wraps her arms around my head, buries her face in my mane, and begins to bawl like a newborn babe. It takes me several minutes to realize she's talking into my mane. Well, maybe blubbering is a better way of putting it, as I can hardly understand a word she's saying, but I realize she's apologizing over and over again.

Moon Shadow extricates herself from my right side and moves over to the other side of Trixie, wrapping her arms around Trixie to comfort her. Trixie turns and grips Shadow as hard as she was previously holding me, pressing her face into Shadow's neck. Now I can understand her a bit better.

"Trixie is so sorry. Trixie never meant to hurt anypony's feelings. Trixie didn't know any better. Trixie is so ashamed of herself. Please don't hate Trixie. Trixie is such a horrible pony. Trixie is so sorry."

She continues on like this, despite our best efforts to calm her down, through two more episodes after 'Boast Busters'. After she grabs hold of Shadow, I change form and pull them both into my lap, wrapping my arms around them, quietly trying to soothe Trixie.

"Shhh, it's okay Trixie, nopony hates you, I promise. You're our friend, and we care about you greatly," I try to calm her.

"But Trixie was so horrible to everypony. You should all hate her for how she acted," she cried.

"Trixie, I'm sure you didn't act that badly," I say.

"You're right. Trixie was much more horrible in reality than they show! Trixie is most horrible pony!" she bawls. I cup her face, raising it up to look into my eyes.

"Trixie, are you saying you remember what really happened?" I ask her slowly.

She nods, then breaks down again, "Trixie is a wicked, horrible pony! She is so sorry now! The Wicked and Horrible Trixie deeply wishes she could take back all she said and did!"

I place a finger over her lips to stem the flow of words, "Trixie, you are not a horrible pony. Maybe you were at one time, but everypony changes. And I know that you have changed for the better. You are our friend, and we are yours. I don't care what you did in the distant past, I only care how you act in the here and now."

"But how can that be? Trixie remembers all of the mean and nasty things she has done! How can anypony forgive her for that? Yes, The Humble and Apologetic Trixie is sorry, but that doesn't undo what she has done!" she whispers. I shush her again before she can start on another wailing rant about how terrible she was.

"We can't change what we have done in the past, that much is true. What we can change, is how we act in the future, and that is how we make up for our pasts. Yes, some things will follow and haunt you, but any good pony will be able to judge you based on your current actions rather than the distant past. Shadow and I care about you, Trixie. We love you like family. Here, now, in reality, we are your family. We will take care of you, just as you will take care of us. Don't ever forget that, okay?" I tell her, firmly.

"You...you mean it? You don't hate Trixie? Even knowing how horrible a pony she really is?" she sniffs.

"I really mean it. You are not a horrible pony. You are a wonderful pony, and I am glad to call you my friend," I respond, hugging her tightly.

"I'm glad to have you as my friend, too!" Moon Shadow adds.

"Thank you. Thank you, so much! Trixie will never forget how wonderful you both are!" Trixie gushes, a smile coming to her face.

I once again relinquish my bipedal shape, but stay cuddled up with Trixie and Shadow. We sit like that, in a big pile, and watch a couple more episodes, not bothering to go back to the ones we missed.

Surprisingly it is Trixie herself who begs off first, saying how happy she is that she has friends such as us. She leaves to go sleep in the guest room she and Flash have been sharing.

Shadow and I also choose to retire, she leaning against me as we walk down the hallway together to our room. She plops onto the bed, leaving me to climb up beside her.

"So...anything you want to discuss?" I ask her, looking at her from the corner of my eye.

"No, at least, not tonight. I think we've dealt with enough drama today, and besides, it's nothing big," she says evasively.

I look at her squarely, "Moon Shadow, if something is bothering you, then it isn't 'nothing'! Please, don't feel like you have to keep things to yourself because it will be a bother to me. You will never be a bother to me, I love you! What troubles you, troubles me. We're in this together, forever, right?"

She hangs her head for a moment, then looks up at me, "It bothered me, seeing Princess Luna as Nightmare Moon."

"That was a scary time in pony history. What about it bothered you? What do you remember?"

"I...I remember the Princess. I was her apprentice; I'm a Dreamwalker, or a Dreamer, whatever that means. I remember times spent learning from Princess Luna, and to see her like that scared me. I don't remember her being at all like that, and I don't remember being there when she was Nightmare Moon."

I scoot closer to her and lay my head on her shoulder in a pony hug, "I'm sorry that it scared you. Thankfully the Elements of Harmony were able to save her. What little I remember of her, she was a very kind-hearted Princess, and deeply regretted having let the evil Nightmare overcome her."

"She was an amazing mentor. I don't remember everything that being a Dreamwalker means, but I remember she was patient, and wonderful to me. Do you know what a Dreamwalker is?"

"No, but if I were to hazard a guess, I'd say it has to do with the dream work she was in charge of."

"I think that's right. I just wish I remembered more!"

"I bet, in time, you will," I yawn. "Sorry!"

"Don't be, silly, I'm just as tired as you," now she's yawning too.

She lies down and pulls me down next to her, and wraps her arms around me, "I love you, Irony."

"I love you too, Moon Shadow. Sleep well," I reply, but she is already gone. I lay my head down on her and soon join her in sleep.

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I look around; I just fell asleep, what's going on. I trot around for a moment, looking at the darkness that surrounds me, and I can see stars everywhere, unlike the empty void I'm used to in my dreams.

I look down at my body; it's still the pony body that I've only just started to get comfortable in. I call out, "Can anypony hear me?" Only to hear my voice echo back and forth into infinity.

"Am I truly asleep? Or am I awake?" I muse to myself aloud.

"You are asleep, but it isn't the restful sleep that you're used to." A form coalesces out of the darkness. It's Moon Shadow. And she's fully a pony now. I trot up to her. She throws her forelegs around me. "Irony."

I pull away, "But how am I here?"

She looks down, "I don't know. You were next to me as I fell asleep; I think maybe I pulled you here with me."

"What?"

"I'm a Dreamer, as I told you. This is part of it. I remember Luna telling me that I'm the strongest in thousands of years."

"How much of this do you remember?"

She cocks her head to the side, "A little here, and a little there. I was just a student, and only for a couple of years until Discord happened."

"And seeing Nightmare Moon brought this out?" She nods at me then turns to the lights in the darkness.

"Do you know what these are?"

"Stars?"

She smiles coyly, "No, Irony. These are dreams. Of the billions of people in this world."

I look around, there are so many of them, they stretch on for what seems like forever, "Amazing. It's so beautiful!"

I hear a giggle, and I look over at her, she's back in her human form. She reaches out to me and touches my forehead. I hear her voice in my mind, This isn't even the best part, Love.

The world around us shimmers for a few seconds, then I'm in my home. But it's not. There is light here, but I don't see any lights on. I walk forward, then look down. I'm Henry again.

"What the hell?" even my voice is deeper.

I hear her voice coming out of nowhere, and everywhere, "Where we just were, is the space between the world of life and the world of dreams, this..." She appears and spreads her hands around, "Is the world of dreams."

"It looks like home."

"It is but a reflection of home. Look carefully."

I look around, the television is off, and the DVD's shift, moving. The books move on the book case, the titles shift from side to side. The chairs in the dining room, they move from right in front of the table, to being pulled out like someone is sitting. Then with another glance, they are back to where they belong. What the hell? Pencils and pens on the desk shift almost constantly.

"The more solid or stable something is, the stronger its reflection is here. The more it is moved, the weaker the reflection."

"What is it for, Moon?"

"A dreamer can control this; she can make it do what she wishes."

"And Princess Luna taught you all of this?"

Bright spots of color flood her cheeks, "Yes, and no."

I look at her, "Both? How?"

"She told me I wasn't ready for this place, because it is dangerous. But I ventured here from time to time anyway. My practice, my control, is very weak right now. It was stronger before, but not by much, I was still only an apprentice."

"And the place between dreams?"

"That was where we spent most of our time. She was teaching me to patrol the dreams of the ponies, how to tell when they were having a nightmare, when they were consumed by fear."

"And she had you help them?"

She nods.

"Amazing, but what can actually be done here?"

"All worlds are connected. Equestria, this Earth. I think I might be able to find our Equestria."

"Could you get to Equestria through this place?"

She shakes her head, "To do that, first I would have to find Equestria, and I don't have complete enough memories to be able to make it there, and second, I would have to enter here in the flesh."

"That's possible?!"

She nods, "But Princess Luna never told me how. I really hope that by searching here, I can find enough information to make it possible for us to make a way back to Equestria."

"You want to go back?"

She looks down, "I don't know if Luna survived Discord, but if she is alive, I need to find her, whether in Equestria, or here on Earth."

"Wherever you go, Moon, I'll be there with you." I wrap my arms around her. She smiles at me. Then the dreamscape begins to fade.

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I awaken to find my Moon Shadow lying in my forelegs, she murmurs my name lovingly in her sleep. I nuzzle her, then I fall back to sleep myself, a smile on my face.