Chapter 12

I wake before anypony else in the house. We were up drinking until late into the night, and I'm pretty sure they will all have hangovers when they finally get up. I've never had much problem in that area, either due to my constitution or the fact that I always make sure to keep hydrated when I drink.

I hear a low groan next to me, and look over at Moon Shadow with a smirk. I remember her leaning on me as we walked from the kitchen to the bedroom. She looks so cute lying there, I think to myself, noticing the changes her body is going through. Her hair is now a sea-blue mane, her ears have relocated and are now covered in dark grey fur. Remembering my own changes, I look under the covers to see that she has indeed grown her tail, and it matches her mane perfectly.

I smile to myself as I quietly cover her back up and slip out of bed. I walk as quietly as I can on four hooves, leaving the room without awakening my partner.

I continue down the hall, trying to walk softly, but my hooves still make some noise on the hardwood floor. I finally reach the kitchen after what seems like an eternity. I look around the room, realizing that it seems bigger. Everything seems different from my new perspective. On all fours I am a great deal shorter than I was as a human, which has put a lot of things out of reach.

Hmm...Might need to ask Shadow and Trixie to rearrange some things before their transformations are complete, I think, realizing that soon none of us would be able to reach the upper cupboards.

Currently though, I can't get to the bowls I need for cereal. Unless I can duplicate my feat from the other night, I think. How did I do it?

I think on it for several minutes, but no answers are forthcoming. I shrug in defeat and try to think of another solution to my current problem.

Aha! I remember there are serving bowls in one of the lower cabinets. I manage to get the door open and grab hold of a bowl with my teeth. Awkwardly, I set it on the table, for the moment ignoring the bowls that fell out of the cupboard while I was retrieving it. I place my front hooves on the counter so that I can reach the boxes of cereal I keep there. I grab the first one I come to in my teeth, cranking my head to the side so I don't dump it all over the floor.

I set the box next to my bowl on the table, noting absentmindedly that it's raisin bran, and then try to open the top. After several frustrating attempts to open the flaps, I finally resort to holding the box steady with my front hooves, while I tear the entire top of the box off with my teeth, revealing the folded bag inside. It takes me several tries to unroll the top of the bag and pour the cereal in the bowl. In the end, I pour the entire contents into the bowl, spilling a fair bit around the tabletop.

Grumbling quietly to myself, I open the refrigerator door with my mouth and grab hold of the milk jug. I carry it to the table, set it down, and then stare at the lid for a moment. It's one of the twist-off kind, which was no problem before, but I worry will defeat me now. I consider just biting it off, but realize I won't be able to store the rest of the milk if I do. After a little more thought, I very carefully twist the lid off, gripping the cap gently between my hooves. It takes an eternity, but finally I have it off.

Next come the logistics of actually pouring milk onto my cereal, without dumping it all over the table and floor. I grip the handle of the jug in my teeth, slowly tilting my head to pour the milk over my flakes. I think I'm doing a good job, until I hear the sound of liquid hitting the floor. I stop pouring and carefully set the bottle down. I look at the mess I've made, my ears flat against my skull.

Well this sucks. I got more milk on the table and floor than on my cereal. I guess it's going to take a lot more practice before I'm used to doing things without hands, I think. After a few minutes of consideration, I decide there is no use crying over spilt milk, quite literally, and start in on the food that made it into the bowl, not bothering with a spoon.

Once I finish the cereal, I put my bowl in the sink, get some towels to mop up the spilled milk, and put the milk back in the fridge, sans cap. This is after trying for several minutes to put the cap back on the milk and almost dumping the whole thing onto the floor more than once. I make a mental note to ask one of the others to put the cap back on when they get up. When the milk is all mopped up, I drop the towels into the hamper and continue out to my shop, grabbing the key off its hook, using my teeth yet again, on the way out.

It takes me over twenty minutes to get the key into the lock and turn it, using my teeth. I almost kick the door down in my anger before the key slides in and I am able to get the lock open.

Using my mouth instead of hands is already getting old. How the hell do the ponies of Equestria not get nasty diseases from picking everything up in their teeth? I think to myself, feeling frustrated at the situation.

Once inside, I decide it is worth all the frustration. I can feel the calmness wash over me once again just from being in my sanctuary.

In no time at all, I have started my propane forge, put on my leather apron, and selected several hammers and bar stock to work with. I have already slipped into the trance I often fall into when I work. Hours pass in the blink of an eye as I heat and pound the steel.

"The Great, and Very Much in Pain, Trixie humbly requests you stop making so much noise," I hear come from the doorway, pulling me out of my trance. I stop hammering to look at her.

"I'm sorry, I never even thought about you guys being able to hear me up in the house," I say as I set down the piece I am working on. I have no idea what it is, but it doesn't really matter right now. It looks more decorative than useful anyway.

"Really it's my own fault for drinking so much last night. What I don't understand, is how you can be so active this morning after how much you drank last night. Why aren't you curled up in the fetal position, crying?" she asks me, her head dropping to the side as she looks at me.

"I've always had a good head for alcohol," I reply, shrugging my shoulders in embarrassment.

"Irony? Did you figure out how to change at will?" she asks, still examining me with considering eyes.

"What do you mean?" I ask, bewildered.

"Your two-legged form, did you figure out how to change at will?"

"Unfortunately, no. And believe me, I wish I had. Not being able to change made eating breakfast this morning a serious chore," I say, shaking my head.

"Then what are you doing?" she asks.

"The same thing I always do in my shop, creating," I reply, picking up my recent work and holding it out for her to see.

"That's not what I mean. I mean, what are you doing with your hands?" she says.

I look down at the hammer in one hand and the project in the other in confusion. Then it hits me: I'm looking at my hands. Whoa! Guess I can change when I really want to after all, I think. Immediately I am dropping to all fours as my body is forcibly changed to a quadruped once again.

"Wow! That was really cool to watch! Can you do it again?" Trixie asks me, barely able to contain her excitement.

"I don't know," I say. I sit down on my haunches and think about it.

How did I change this time? When did I change? And why didn't I notice it? I ask myself. I try to make myself change, but nothing happens.

"Nothing is happening," I say in consternation.

"You were working when I came in, maybe if you try to do some more?" she suggests.

I shrug and reach for the hammer I dropped when I went four-legged again. My hoof touches the hammer and I try to pick it up, but nothing happens. The hoof remains a hoof; the hammer stays on the floor.

"Nope, nothing, nada, zilch," I say, getting irked now.

"Try focusing on standing on two legs," Trixie suggests anew.

I sigh, but then decide to humor her. I focus on an image of me standing on two legs, walking upright. After a little bit I have to stop, my head is pounding now, and I am weak from the effort.

"Nothing," I say in defeat.

"I wouldn't say nothing, I saw your body shimmer, and I could have sworn I almost saw you standing upright, just for a moment!" she says, excitement plain in her voice.

"Yeah, well, whatever. Now my head hurts and I feel dizzy. I won't be trying that again for a while," I respond, holding my head in my hooves to keep it from falling off my shoulders and rolling away.

"I think you're onto something! You'll just have to practice more," she says, skipping happily from my shop.

How is it she comes in with a headache, and when she leaves I'm the one who is in pain? I ask myself, very softly.

I sit like that for several minutes, hoping the pain will pass, or that my brain will ooze out of my ears, but it doesn't. I finally give up and return to the house, albeit much more slowly than when I came out.

When I enter the house I see the good Doctor, Shadow, and Trixie sitting at the kitchen table. Shadow and Dr. Ray have their heads hanging low over their cups of coffee. Trixie is smiling at me over hers. The bold, bitter odor the coffee gives off hits me like an aluminum bat to the face, making me feel the need to vomit. I throw a hoof over my mouth and trot as quickly as I can on three legs to my bathroom, where I proceed to evacuate my breakfast rather noisily in a sacrifice to the porcelain goddess.

After my stomach is empty, and the dry heaves have subsided, I lay on the cool tile of the bathroom floor, my hooves over my head as I mewl piteously. My head is throbbing, I feel like a star has gone supernova in my head, there are blinding bursts of lights behind my eyelids. I feel tears squeeze out of my eyes, but am unable to stop them from falling.

I hear light footsteps enter the bathroom and then, "Oh sweet Celestia."

I slowly peel open one eye slightly to see Moon Shadow holding her hand over her nose and mouth as she reaches past me to flush the offal down the toilet. I close my eye again, even the brief moment of light sending shards of glass deep into my brain. A moment later I hear the faucet running and then I feel a cold, wet rag being placed over my eyes. Shadow gently lowers herself down next to me and caresses my neck, back, and shoulders.

"Migraine?" she quietly asks. To which I just whimper.

Thankfully she doesn't bother asking me any further questions. She just continues caressing me gently. In time, her soothing presence lulls me to sleep.

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"Wow, okay, that really hurt dude," I hear a familiar voice call to me. I don't bother to look around, instead I sit in pure bliss. The pain is gone!

"Yeah, that hurt like a sonofabitch," I finally respond as the dark blue mare sits down next to me. I look down at myself and see that I, too, am in my pony form.

I look over at her and say, "You know, this is kinda awkward now that the transformation is done. Aren't we one now?"

"Yes, physically, the transformation is done. Yet, we have not fully integrated mentally and emotionally. I have been protecting us from our past," she responds.

"What is in our past for you to protect us from?" I ask, cocking my head to the side as I study her.

"It is too much. I cannot tell you, only show. But only if we are truly ready," she replies cryptically.

"I'm ready to know myself. I am ready for answers."

"Questions you may have, but are they the right ones for the answers I can provide?"

"If any of my questions can be answered, I will be satisfied," I state.

"Are you certain? There are answers there, yes, but also much pain," she warns.

"Do you have all of our memories?" I question the mare.

"We are missing many of our Equestrian memories. However, I can show you all that came before," comes her answer.

"What do you mean, 'what came before'?" now I'm puzzled.

"Yes, what came before our existence in Equestria. I have those memories in full and will share them, but beware, they are not all pleasant," she states, smiling sadly at me.

"Will you also share what Equestrian memories you do have?" I request.

She simply nods and then leans against me. My vision fades for a moment, and then another scene forms in front of us.

The midnight blue mare is still beside me as the vision unfolds.

We watch as a little human boy runs up and down a sandy beach while his mother looks on, smiling. They are dressed in rough homespun, the likes of which haven't been worn in over a century. After a moment I recognize the boy from some of my earlier visions. I realize with a shock that the boy must be me.

Suddenly he runs into the water. His mother yells for him to come back, but he doesn't listen. He continues deeper into the water, he doesn't heed her cries until it is too late.

The current sweeps his legs out from under him and he falls, his head slipping under the waves. His mother screams as she runs, plowing into the water with the single-minded mission of saving her son. She is almost swept away as well, but manages to fight the current long enough to grab an arm and haul him back to shore. As she gets him onto the shore ahead of her, a wave knocks her down and sweeps her back into the water, almost dragging the boy back in too.

The woman struggles against the power of the ocean for several minutes before she is able to drag her sopping body from the water, sputtering and coughing up the briny liquid from her lungs. At last, she manages to drag the boy a little further away from the water, but then her energy is spent and she collapses around him, her body huddling his as she shivers.

I can sense that she has given all that she has, but I can also see, from the loving look she gives her son before consciousness flees her body, that she finds it well worth the effort.

The scene fades, then I see a more familiar scene. The boy is kneeling next to his mother's bed, where her body lies, her spirit having recently fled. The vision plays out the same as I remember from before, with the cruel man removing the boy from his mother's side. Then I see the boy being sold to the plantation owner. The memories come faster, each one taking only a moment to unfold. Each one is indelibly seared into my mind.

Next there are years worth of memories: of being a slave, working every day in the fields, getting bigger and stronger. I remember falling in love with another slave, Marianne.

I remember fondly our brief times spent together, the first time we made love. Then I feel anew the rage and grief when I remember her destruction at the hands of one of the foremen.

Then I see the many beatings I receive, and again feel the rage at the injustices I endured. These memories end with the final beating I take, followed by my disappearance in a flash of purple light.

I see a corresponding flash of purple, then I see a midnight blue mare lying unconscious on the floor of Twilight's library, her flanks are blank even though she is obviously full grown. Twilight and Spike worry over her unmoving form. It takes me several moments to make the connection of the memories and realize that this is my appearance into Equestria.

After this, the memories are fragmented and there are many gaps. I realize they are my memories from my time in Equestria.

I remember the first time I was forced to kill: a changeling attacking my Princess, during the second changeling war. I remember the first time my rage led me to walk on two legs instead of four, when Princess Twilight had been injured and I feared for her life. I relive being awarded the position of leader of Princess Twilight's personal guard, at a time when I felt I should be punished for not protecting her better in the first place.

Finally I relive my banishment by Discord and the following rebirth here on Earth. Again.

When the memories finally stop, I find my face is wet and I am sobbing loudly. I turn to the dark pony next to me and say, "Our mother, it was my fault she died?"

The mare nods sadly, her ears drooping.

"And I'm not from Equestria?"

"Not originally," comes the simple reply.

"But where was I first born? When did I come from?" I beg.

"We were born in a little house, to our loving mother, near Savannah, Georgia, in the human year 1827."

"But how did I end up on Earth in the 21st century?" I ask, to which she only shrugs.

"What am I? Where do I belong? When do I belong?!" I'm screaming now.

"That is for you to decide, nopony else can make those decisions for you now," she says gently.

"I cannot choose any one time or place, for they are all important to me, but some of the happiest times I have ever known were as a pony. I vow I will make Discord pay for what he did to us, to all of the ponies!" I state vehemently.

She smiles at my look of determination and says, "There are two more things I can share with you, now. One is a piece of information: our Equestrian memories are not lost, only blocked from easy access. Someday we may regain access to those memories. The other is the memory of how to control your form. I will share it with you now, but remember that your alternate form comes at a price, however small it may be.

"Now goodbye, and hello again," she says to me as she leans against me, melting into me. I can feel our minds merge, our knowledge becoming one. With that knowledge comes the memory she promised. I can feel both my forms. I can feel the magic, a magic I have because of the circumstances of my arrival in Equestria. I know now that I am a being, not of one world, but of two. I may not have been born in Equestria, but it is also my home.

"You were right, the memories are not all happy, but they are worth having," I whisper to myself as I walk away into the darkness, a little bit nearer to being whole.

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