I sat at my desk, my head scanning stolen archives from Storm Side. "...What language is this?" I rested my hand on my crown, my body sitting back in a large swiveling chair. "Reoccurring...hmm...." I pointed out a few symbols. "...But--"

"Jaaasooon." Dust cooed, "Jason, where are you?" She called, a loud squeaking echoing through the hall. "Jaaason?! I'm lonely...."

I pulled a rough breath past my teeth, the dutch mare slowly echoing down the hall. "...Study, I think. Or it's the library." I looked around, the shelves worth of salvage from Storm Side separated into two groups, tattered and already refurbished. "I'm still not really sure."

The squeaking grew louder and louder, a small cart cresting in the doorway. Dust was laying sideways against a pillow atop a cart. She was levitating a stick beside her, using it like an oar to push herself around the house. "Jason...hello." She cooed, happy as could be. "How are you?"

I took a deep breath and picked myself up by the cheeks. "I'm fine." I turned towards the door, slowly walking towards Dust. "...Did you need--"

"Cosmic is jogging...and I'm lonely," She looked up at me, not able to prop herself up. "...Pet me...."

I took a deep breath as I reached her, my socked feet a bit cold against the wood. "...Dust, can you--"

"Hold me...I'm cold." She cried, cringing and feeding off my gut reaction. "You love me, but you're leaving me cold on the ground!? Jason, why!?"

"Stop guilting me!" I shouted, ducking down and carefully picking her up. I placed her and my head under my arms. "My heart can't take it." My voice fell to a whimper once again, the pain of yelling at her too much for my insides to handle. Each time I raised my voice, swore, anything towards her, I felt a gut wrenching guilt build up in my intestines.

I went back to the desk, setting our heads down facing the books. "Well, maybe you can help me." I pointed to the book as Dust tried to roll towards me, ending up sideways on the desk. "These symbols keep popping up in the decapitation notes, you know--"

"Jason...my ear itches." Dust cooed, "And they're cold...I need your hands."

I stopped talking, snorting angrily. "...I know a trick, they used to put gloves on Horses' ears. You want to--"

"Your hands, Jason." She clarified, her voice playful as ever. "Please, before I freeze."

I felt my neck slump forward, my chin bumping against the desk. "...It's fall. It's like...twenty-one degrees."

"Jason...why don't you hold me? Do you not--" I cut Dust off at the pass, picking her up and setting her in my lap. I placed my hands against her ears, rubbing the thin flesh between my fingers. "Aaah, feels so good...." She purred and churrled in my lap, the noises breaking my heart in two. "Jason, I love you."

I felt a vise tighten around my heart. "...Dust...it hurts my heart every time you say that." I looked back towards the book. "So...can you help? I'm trying to come up with a way to sort you two out."

Dust pushed her head up, forcing herself against my palms. "I don't know...I'm quite content right here, laying with you, warm, safe." She nestled into my lap. "My love."

I pulled my hands away, crossing them over my chest. "Aaauagh!" I groaned, leaning forward. "My heart...it hurts...." I rubbed my chest, my fluttering heart beating hard. "Stop...I can't...when you're around I can't even swear, I can't do anything!" I shouted, flailing my arms like an angry child. "I miss Cosmic, I could yell and scream and shout at her and it was just normal!"

Dust leaned her head against my stomach, horn stabbing my ribs. "Why? Swearing and yelling, what's the fun in that?"

I took a deep breath. "It feels good, to get all flustered and yell and shout, it feels good! Getting mad feels good if it's petty, and with her it's just a competition!" I crossed my legs, sandwiching Dust between my thighs. "We live in such calm times, it's just nice to get all fired up and know it's not going to end in abuse or abandonment."

Dust whistled sharply. "I know a way we could warm up, shout and squeal." She giggled, relaxing into my lap. "Jason?"

I stood up, placing Dust carefully next to my own head. I turned away from the desk, slowly lowering myself to the ground and pulling myself into a fetal position. I pulled my knees tight against my chest. I curled up, body praying for it to end. "...Dust...you're killing me...stop, being, nice."

Dust lowered her ears, sporting an utterly heartbreaking frown. "Jason...I love you, why do you want me to be mean?"

"Because your sad face, your kissy face, and your happy face are too nice!" I shouted, turning back to the book. "I feel like I'm tracking mud into the damn Sistine Chapel with you! It's like if I started burning the Union Jack in the middle of Parliament, it's like if I started snorting coke off the back of a stripper dressed as a nun! It's sacrilege! Sacrilege!" I shouted, my body rocking back and forth. "Heresy, worst, I hate, I don't- ah!" I yelped, unable to think straight. "Just, ah!"

Dust leaned back, her neck popping as she stretched. "Honey, I'm starting to think you have self esteem issues."

"No!"

"Yes," Dust sang.

"No I don't! You're slumming it with me!"

"No I'm not." Dust stated, smiling softly, "I'm happy and safe with the boy I love, I'm in a large house, provided by the same boy--"

"I didn't pay for this!" I shouted, "I was a combat medic, then a tutor, and now...technically I'm unemployed!"

Dust laughed softly, "No...I forget exactly what Cosmic wrote you down as, but it was something like, Royalist Guardspony." Dust blushed softly, "You're not a pony, I know, but the title is held by royal bodyguards and special guardsponies."

I stared at her, "Wait...what, like the Life Guard?" I felt my chest warm up, "Jesus...but I didn't do anything!"

Dust nodded, "You did, would you like me to list what you did?"

I splayed out flat on my back. "...I really didn't do anything. I've been in Equestria like a year and a half, job to job, touring around like an idiot. Last real job I had was in the army, and that was just...hot, sandy, gross, hot."

Dust smiled, "You know, I remember a time when you didn't want to talk about this."

I frowned hard. "I still don't...but you're giving me more credit than I deserve, and that's just as bad as not enough!"

Dust rolled her eyes. "Discovery and recovery of a magical anomaly, safeguard of an anomalous pony, expedition to the far north, recovery of culturally significant artifacts and documents, you were given Celestia's tear because you lost your head--"

"What the hell is that?" I asked, "Uh...What is that?" I fixed my own speech, not wanting to offend.

Dust flicked her head up, tossing her mane off her face. "It's an old medal, but one Cosmic was given, and one she wanted you to have. It's for ponies who were wounded in- um, before we go any further...I actually have a question."

I turned towards Dust best I could, still only catching her with one eye. "What?"

"Why is there no Equestrian military? We were gone from normal society for two-hundred-fifty years, how was it dissolved?" She asked, a bit of dour charm resting on her pout. "I mean, I'm fine if it was for ponitarian reasons, but it seems a bit odd."

I sat upright, "Uh, I actually asked about this." I pushed off the ground and lumbered back over to the desk, picking myself up and turning me towards Dust. "I talked to a guard so, take that for what you will. But uh, he said the military was disbanded after some treaty, and borders opened up all over. Something to do with Saddle Arabia and the Griffon lands, I'm not all that big on your history."

"Hmm, a shame." Dust stated, "I do have fond memories of parades and marching. Ponies in armor and uniform were also a sight to behold." She let out a wistful sigh. "Truly a shame."

I felt my dick shrink back, my body feeling like I was less than a man for not being able to give her an army. "...So...what were--"

"Oh yes, your title." She shot back, looking back to me with a warm smile. "You're one of thirty eight ponies and...I suppose humans now, that guard special ponies."

I looked off to the side. "Well I know you're a special pony...but, can you--"

"The first Kirin, ponies like Starswirled, the princesses," Dust poked her muzzled towards me, "which by the way, we need a gift for them, Celestia is going to come by later and I won't be remembered as that screaming head just because Cosmic has a filthy mouth."

"Dust, off track." I stated, oddly easily given my fear of her. "I mean, that's neat, but I'm starting to get curious."

Dust popped back, eyes wide open, "Hmm? Oh yes yes, ponies that display great power, odd features, are born of hybrid relationships or at least the first. Ponies that are powerful, brave, smart or quick often have guards. Some of them without even knowing!" She chirped, "I spoke with one of them, Flitter, I believe her name was. She's assigned to some pony in Ponyville, the...weather pony I believe. She said, if you saw her, you'd know immediately who she was."

I felt my eyes start to burn from keeping them open too long. "Oh, well then. Wait, so I'm- wait, so you're a special pony?"

Dust scoffed, "I'm in two pieces...I'm also three-hundred years old, with the body of a fresh school filly. I'm very special." She smiled seductively, eyes half lidded, ears back. "And you, you're my boy, my special guard. A lover, a protector, perhaps an idiot, but mine non-the-less." Time went still as she looked at me. "Jason, you're not squirming." She chirped, flying back into her happy demeanor, "...and I smell a sweaty pony...." She looked towards the door.

I took a deep breath as Cosmic walked in, the smell quite strong. Like a mix of gym floor and barn. "I feel...I'm gonna go make sure you're not lying to me, but I feel better, stronger." I picked my head up. "Now sit here, study this book, and I'm gonna go wash this pony, because holy crap!"

Dust nodded, "Well I'm glad you're feeling better--"

"I'm a Life Guard! I feel, bloody brilliant!" I bounced upright, stretching my legs, "Always wanted to be a Guard, just...couldn't stand their bloody hats, and I'm saying bloody, and I'm all hopped up, damn!" I shot my arm out. "Like a shot in the bollocks!"

Dust smiled at me. "So you thought you were just a bum? Jason, I don't hang about bums or vagrants. And, how dare you insinuate such!" She shouted, sharp and happy. "Now please...that smell is--"

"Yeah, I'm gonna go fix this." I turned to Cosmic, the pony body wrapped up in a gross set of shorts and a tight shirt slipped over her barrel. "Oh god...how did you even get that on!?"

Cosmic stamped her hoof, her tail a bit soggy. Dust looked towards me. "Jason...it was awkward to say the least." She looked off to the side. "It's strange seeing your body slowly dress, a bit perverse."

Author's Notes:

Comment you fools!