Chapter 12 Alt Title: It's Dangerous to Go Alone, Take This!

After a while of drifting through the Void, bored out of my metaphorical skull, I began to hear...things...

"Umbra! Umbra, you out there!? Yo mamma so fat she has her own orbit! Umbra! Goddamit Umbra, where are you!?"

It was Auric. And he was calling through his mirror. And he was slinging insults at me, too. I'd have been more pissed off, but being bored is worse than a few insults. Still, I went and headed over to Auric's signal, bad manners to leave someone waiting, after all.

“Y’know, normally I’d be a little pissed about the insults, but I’ve been really goddamn bored since the last time we met, so I’ll let it slide...this time. Do it again and I might retroactively reprogram you as a...hmm, I don’t know...slug maybe?”

Despite the threat, Auric smiled at seeing me appear in his mirror. “Umbra, good to see you. No, really, it is. And do you have any idea how hard it is to find you in the Void Eternal? Seriously. I’d have better luck looking for a hay-colored needle in a haystack. While on fire.”

Damn. Am I really that hard to find? I blushed a little...or I would have, had I a face at that moment.

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. Look, I’ll find something that’ll help you find me if need be. Ah… just let me look through one of my subspace pockets for a sec...no, not this one...nope...ah! Here, it’s dangerous to be alone now, take this.”

The object in question was a slim, rectangular device. Less than six buttons scattered across it’s surface, with a strange logo on the back. It was the shell of a shitty knock-off iPhone, but I made all the internal components, and it worked about as well as my Omnitool...all fifty three of said knock-offs.

“Okay, I know, it looks like a shitty knock-off iPhone, but it’ll bounce a signal across three hundred thousand different Universes. Really, it only connects to the Internet and the other few of these I have. Now you can give me a call whenever you need help.”

Okay, it did more than that, but I figured he'd find out on his own. Tossing it, I was a bit surprised to see it be absorbed into the damn mirror, but at least the Mirror works like the phone does, now. As I watched, I read the words–

–in reverse. As I read, Auric smiled and spoke up.

“Forgot to mention that little effect of my mirror. Whoops. Hope it wasn’t too expensive. But look on the bright side, at least now I can find you. Whenever.”

Yeah, that is a pretty decent bright side. I wonder what'll happen when he finds the Skype-chat function?

“...Well, from what I can tell, your mirror now functions as the phone itself, so that’s good. Also, really, it cost...a lot less than you might expect. All I really needed to do was program it into existence...Jeez, I can see why so many people call SysAdmin powers cheating.”

Auric held up two extended fingers.

“That’s half the reason I was looking for you, but we’ll get into that later.”

Extending his other hand, he revealed two crystals, charged with magic and a message each.

“I need you to deliver something to, ugh, Teridax’s Universe.”

I swore under my breath.

“Goddamn it! This is gonna be a lot more difficult than it would have been five hours-by your standards-ago. Teridax decided to try to work his way into SysAdmin coding, almost locked me out before I disengaged my Local Timeline Sync. Thank the gods that Time doesn’t exist in the Void. Managed to work in a lot of hidden backdoors retroactively, asshole won’t know he didn’t succeed until it’s too late. Try as he might, he’s still only a 3D existence, compared to a 5.5D me.”

Why couldn't I have found the signal five hours ago? Also: Teridax is a fag. No offense meant to actual homosexuals, of course. Nothing wrong with homosexuality. AT ALL.

Auric nodded a bit–Jesus Christ, what is with people who Understand and their goddamn nodding!?

“Well, keep your spoilers. This one,” he held up the one that glowed golden, “Is set to go off when it detects moving metal, and should be dropped off in Teridax’s chambers, or however close you feel comfortable getting.” Thus saying, he tossed it into the mirror. The second was also held up. “And this one is set to go off when it hits the ground, it has a message to his Cel. A warning. About what is likely to come, if I know my Multiverse. And Teridax. Try to get it in her chambers when she’s alone.” And with that, the second was tossed into the mirror as well. Which could send things out...why did I not realize that before?

Catching both of the crystals, I smirked, a lightly glowing slash of white appearing below my eyes. Did I forget to mention that I learned how to make expressions?

“Can do, boss man. Teridax is gonna shit himself when he realizes that he failed at keeping out...anyone, really. Of course, if I get my superiors to come down on his Universe, we could encode his soul as a virus and end the war in, like, three seconds. But, you probably don’t want that.”

Auric frowned and crossed his arms while shaking his head. “Nope. He’s gone through all this effort, I think it only fair he see me when I’ve nothing to lose. If it wouldn’t tax you too greatly, could you, perhaps, make a staging ground for this fight betwixt him and I? One where we won’t have to worry about either of our worlds?”

What a party pooper. I could end this entire damn war in seconds, and he doesn't want me to, in favor of slugging it out with a 20+ foot tall, Immortal robot with an Auric fetish.

Oh gods, that image.

I thought for a moment, seeing if I knew of any open spots nearby both Universes, when it hit me.

“As a matter of fact, a few months, by my Local standards, ago, I actually rewrote a forming Universe as a training ground. Long story short, the core of the Universe, as in, what the Universe considers its ‘main subject’, is a gigantic earth-like Planet, tropical, mostly; with, unfortunately, gigantic laser death-wasps the size of minivans. Not really a problem, just something to watch out for. Rather fragile, really. Barely qualifies as a predator, and only because of their laser beams. What was I saying again? Oh yeah, I already have a Universe set up, no sentient beings or anything. Yeah.”

Auric blinked at that. He does that a lot.

“Huh. Convenient. I think. Well then. Oh, by the way, should Teridax actually receive my first message, he’ll likely call on you to guide him to the ‘staging ground’, which, if you don’t mind, I’d like to use that planet for it. As long as you can also link this Mirror to it somehow. So that, y’know, when I’m ready, I can just walk through and get there.”

I worked while he talked, noting the important bits and ignoring the rest. Making a connection between Universes is a hell of a lot easier when there's something to focus it on.

“...Aaanndd...okay! Link is set up and ready to go, crystals should drop in on Teridax and his Celestia in ...three ...two ...one ...Package dropped. Well, that’s done. Anything else?”

I love my powers. So goddamn much

Auric merely smiled. “Add one parameter to this world of yours? Make Immortality count for nothing. That way, one of us dies there.”

Does this 'kid' have a death wish or something? I thought about it further. Should he lose, I could just code him back alive...but what about his wife? How would she feel for those few minutes? I answered.

“I dunno, man. I may be an asexual, oblivious fool in terms of relationships, but I’d rather not, if only for Measured’s sake… speaking of her, she doing okay?”

Auric briefly nods– more goddamn nods. Seriously! What! Is! With! The! Goddamn! Nodding!?

“You don’t quite get it, though. I’m making sure that we’re fighting on equal ground, first off, which is something he’ll enjoy. And probably the biggest piece of bait. But secondly, if he succeeds at...whatever his plan is? I managed to catch brief, possible glimpses of his possible futures.”

Auric’s right side shifted to a darker coloration and his eyes started to burn blue. Scary shit, that.

“You don’t want him as a co-worker. I’m making sure you can kill him and make it stick, or my allies can, if I fail.”

Che! As if Teridax could ascend like that! The sheer nerve of the assumption! Ha!

“One: you won’t fail, a SysAdmin is helping you. We can do literally anything if we know the correct coding. Two: Che! Teridax wouldn’t be able to make it as a SysAdmin, he’s too focused on his agenda, not the Multiverses. Which, if you must know, is: Grow, Spread, Add; Total Freedom, Infinite Realms. Shitty motto, but it sums up pretty well. SysAdmins are there to help, not conquer. Should Teridax reach the 5.5D level, the Void itself would rewrite him to match us. Three: I could just turn off his Immortality and not tell him. No risk to you, deadly for him.”

Gods, I hate that stupid motto, but it's been stuck in my head ever since my boss, சடா, appeared and inducted me as a upper-mid-level SysAdmin. Don't ask me, I don't know how to pronounce it either. It just...appeared in my head when he introduced himself. He never said a word either. Boss சடா uses telepathic imagery to communicate.

Auric shook his head again. “I don’t cheat, I have honor. Both of us or neither, and sealing him away worked so well last time. My morals are what separate me from him, at least I’d like to think so. And sealing is all you can do to true Immortals, which when I have my strength returned enough, I am. So like I said, same situation for the both of us, and I’ll even tell him myself during the fight.”

Goddamn heroes and their goddamn honor. It's going to kill him one of these days, I swear.

“Fine. I’ll do it. And you misunderstand: Rewriting is literally turning him from Teridax...to… whatever his Admin name is, he won’t be Teridax anymore. Also, again, SysAdmins are beyond True Immortals. I can still kill him...unless he decides to try and absorb me, in which case he just gets Rewritten and then I can’t kill him.”

Auric let out a sad smile. “Thank you, and I’m sorry for putting you through any trouble. I just...I want this to end.”

Auric’s right hand lit up...with a blaze of cobalt flames. PAINFUL cobalt flames. Whatever they were, they must have been just as magical as his normal, gold flames.

“One way or another, I want this to end.”

I flinched away, my features smoothing back out into my normal eyes.

“I-it’s no problem, really. S-SysAdmins are also technically part of Tech Support. We l-live to se-serve. H-hey, could you t-turn that off? It actually really hurts being in that light’s presence.”

If it's enough to get me to stutter like that, it's really goddamn painful. And I mean really. Even outside Auric's Universe, the mere sight of those godforsaken flames hurt a lot.

Auric blinked, turning his eyes to his hand.

“Oh. This? This is just a bit of Dullahan leaking through. One moment.”

The flames died slowly as he faded back to normal.

“There. Better? Sorry about that as well. E’er since we merged...my emotions are all over the place. Along with my powers.”

He merged with Dullahan? No wonder I couldn't sense that pile of metal. What a dumbass, that could have killed him for real. Then Teridax would have tried to take it all out on me.

“It’s fine. Most Admins are vulnerable to something or another, keeps us from being too… I guess distant? Whatever. Can you imagine over a hundred shadows, each capable of warping reality to the point where fact and fiction merge, all invulnerable to everything but the death of the Void? Not pretty. My weakness just so happens to be intensely magical Light. And really, that’s not the worst of it. My subordinate, Kage, is weak against gamma radiation. Sure, it doesn’t seem bad, but most stars give it off, which means he’s useless inside a Universe. Gods, what is wrong with me today? All this exposition and diverging from topics…”

Seriously, what was wrong with me? I'm usually never this trusting.

Auric merely chuckled and waved his hand. “I know, I know. Sometimes I’m giving a lecture to Measured as to what a particular element does, then somehow it segues from there to the game to...home. Or what used to be home.” He sighs. “Okay, I’ma let you go, but one last favor afore I do? Check in on my buddy Richard for me? I sent him a care package a while back, I’d like to know that he got it and that he’s...mostly okay. Take care, you crazy shade.”

Richard...Richard...Oh yeah, the one that got Auric into this mess, if only indirectly...yeah, he's doing fine...

I smiled a little, not enough to form an actual smiley face though.

“Yeah, sure. Take care too, you crazy alchemist… oh, before I go, you and Teridax aren’t the only ones who Understand. If you need to vent about it, call for a SysAdmin, we know your pain.”

It really sucks being someone who is intimately aware of basically every goddamn thing in the Void, subconsciously at least. SysAdmins have some problems too, ya know?

Great...back to drifting and Admin work. Gods, if I'd known what I would be doing when I put on that damn mask...I'da still put it on, actually. Being a shadow: Awesome. Being bored: NOT Awesome.

Maybe I could puzzle out just which dumbass coded the Homestuck Universes. That DAMN Cluster has been so thoroughly tangled up in itself that it isn't even a cluster of spaced out bubbles any more. No, it's a disgusting bubbly nebula full of breaches, alternates, and blatant Void breaking shenanigans. Gods, the problems of being an Upper-Middle Level SysAdmin.

End chapter 12

Author's Notes:

I know I said extra long chapter...but apparently I lied. There is no extra long chapter! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That aside, thanks again to Thadius0 for helping me hash out this chapter!