Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that when trying to save the world by correcting a prophecy that you messed up, you most certainly shouldn't fly towards somepony's window at fifty meters a second screaming their name. Glass cuts very deep and is painful to remove.

I also learned that the homeowner will not appreciate you breaking said window, nor bleeding into their floorboards. In most cases, you will be arrested for breaking and entering. The police-ponies that show up will not believe you when you claim to be saving the world.

Your faithful coma patient,

Cloud Calculation.

PS: Please send a lawyer. :(

After I left the Ponyville Detention Centre, I headed back to the library. Walking this time. Maybe I should have put up a shield of some kind before I hit the window. For Realta's sake, why am I only thinking of this now? I was kinda preoccupied! And I still haven't figured out how I'm gonna fix the prophecy. Well the six of them being around the pieces didn't do anything when I was fighting Nightmare, so I can at least rule that out.

What if they have to be fulfilling their roles as each Element while around them? That could work. Wait, how am I going to get anypony to follow me? What do I mean? They all hate me, remember? Oh. Well, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

I arrived at the library and knocked on the door which was soon opened by Spike. He looked at me as if he wasn't sure what to think.

"Hey, Cloud," he greeted slowly.

"Hey, Spike," I quickly replied, "is Twilight in? I really need to see her!" Spike waited for a moment before speaking.

"Twilight's busy right now."

"Can I come in and wait?"

"Uh... She doesn't want you to be here. You should probably go."

"But it's important!"

"I don't think-"

"Spike, this is incredibly important! I need to come in!"

"No, you don't understand-"

"It's about the Elements of-!"

"Cloud!" Spike shouted angrily, cutting me off, "Twilight doesn't want to see you! You've taken it too far this time!"

"But-!"

"She doesn't care! Twilight doesn't want to see you! And... And neither do I!" He slammed the door in my face. I hammered on the door.

"Spike! Come on! The world is stake here!" There was no reply. "Well that's just bucking great, another friendship destroyed." I leaned against the door. Now what? Break in? No, I'd just be arrested again. I could get another warrant from Celestia. I can't teleport that far and flying there and back would be too exhausting. Damn it! And I'll need to think a way to get to all six of them.

Alright, time to think logically. All six of them have some kind of endearing character trait; Applejack's pride, Rainbitch's ego, Pinkie's craziness, Fluttershy's phobia's, Rarity's excessive want to be Canter-Twat and Twilight's blatant lack of general knowledge. What's my trait? I don't know, putting my life on the line to protect my friends just to have them hate me and kick me out into the streets with nothing but my magical skills and a hat leaving me sad, hungry and alone in the world? Oh, hello, depression! How have you been?

I can trick Applejack and Rainbitch by challenging their pride and ego, and... Uh... Well, that's all I have so far. Well, it's better than nothing. Oh! For Rarity, I could shape shift into a Canter-Twat and seduce her. How will that help in any way? Exhaust her with sex and then drag her into the Everfree to the old castle in the dead of night? 'Cause that's not creepy.

Fine, I'll start with Applejack. I can challenge her pride in some way and then something something friendship. I'd complain about the plan but I really have no idea how to do 'friend' stuff. If risking my life to save theirs and simultaneously the world isn't enough then I have no idea how to do 'friendship'.

I headed towards Applejack's farm.

A couple of months ago when I had woken up from my second coma, Celestia had explained a few things that had happened. One of the things was when Rainbitch had challenged Applejack to something called an 'iron pony' competition. It was something about athletics or other sporty stuff but more importantly it was a way to challenge Applejack's pride.

On the way I had stopped by Zecora to pick up a Potion of Boosted Strength so that I could cheat at the competition. I obviously wouldn't be able to use my magic (at least not in large amounts), so I needed a little insurance. I had the bottle tied around my neck since I had left my belt in my tent which was near the Everfree.

I arrived at the farmhouse and knocked on the door. After a minute or two Big Mac opened the door with a grumpy expression on his face.

"Can Ah help you?" He asked tiredly.

"Hey, Big Mac," I replied, "I need to see Applejack."

"Tha's too bad. Come back a good hour."

"What do you mean? What time is it?"

"It's three AM. Get offa our propety."

"It's not like the world's at stake, buddy..." I muttered to myself.

"Get offa our propety!"

"You want me here at a reasonable hour? Fine!" I fired sleeping gas at myself and collapsed.

I woke up in the barn. The locked barn. Prick. Sunlight poured through gaps in the walls so it was probably a good enough time to go to Applejack. Wait, where's my potion?! My potion was nowhere to be seen. Mother bucker! I teleported back outside and snuck towards the farmhouse.

I could see Applejack, Big Mac, a small yellow filly and an elderly mare sitting at a kitchen table, talking about something as they ate what was probably breakfast. I shapeshifted into an ant and crawled through a crack in the wall to listen to what they were saying.

"...Fancy magic on 'imself and fell to th' floor," said Big Mac.

"What did ya do to 'im?" Asked the filly.

"Ah dragged 'im to th' barn and locked 'im in. We can ask 'im some questions soon."

"Like what?"

"Like why e's on th' farm at such a stupid time!" Exclaimed Applejack. Wait, why do I have to trick anypony to get them to the castle? What do you- Oh yeah, magic ex machina. I changed back to me original form, shocking the four farmponies at the table. I grabbed Applejack in a telekinetic hold and teleported both of us the ruins of the old castle. "What th' buck?!"

"Applejack, wait here!" I blurted out just before teleporting to Carousel Boutique. Rarity was sitting at a desk with some cloth and a sewing machine, she screamed and fell as I exploded into the room. I grabbed her and teleported back to the ruins, dropping her off. I then teleported to Sugarcube Corner for Pinkie, Fluttershy's cottage for Fluttershy, the library for Twilight and then realized I didn't know here Rainbitch lived.

I cast a heat tracking spell in the air and flew after the results on a Support Circle. After a few flocks of birds, I found Rainbitch's cloud house, grabbed her and teleported back to the castle. I had all six of them near the remains of the Elements.

"Alright!" I shouted to all of them, "do friendship!" The six of them looked at me with concerned expressions (except Rainbitch, she looked more pissed off than concerned).

"Cloud," Twilight said slowly, "this has to stop. I don't know what has happened to you, but you've gone too far."

"No-no-no! Trust me! Just do friendship! You'll see what I mean!"

"Cloud-"

"This bucking stick-head is always messing things up for us!" Yelled Rainbitch.

"Buck you, Rainbitch," I replied.

"Stop calling me 'Rainbitch'! I have a bucking name!"

"Sorry, Flappy Gas Lord, I must have been slightly pissed at you still being a bucking racist! I'm trying to save the bucking world here and-!"

"You're not saving anything! You're just fueling your ego from getting lucky with Nightmare Moon!"

"Go buck-!"

"I'm sick of you always-!" I cast a muting spell and turned back to the others.

"Look, I need you to-" I was cut off by Rainbitch hitting me with a high speed punch to the back of my head. Anger flowed through me. I went for a backhoof but missed when she flew upwards, quickly after trying to kick me in the face. I dodged easily, grabbed her with telekinesis and cast spell to block her pegasus magic, sending her to the floor.

Rainbitch quickly stood up and went for another punch which I blocked by a quick Shield Circle before KC punching her in the face sending her sprawling. She didn't get up. I turned to the others again only to get slugged by Applejack. The force knocked me back a bi but I caught myself before falling. I was uncontrollably angry by this point.

"Nopony messes with mah-!" I cut Applejack off with a headbutt. While she was stunned I grabbed her head, slammed it into the floor and Majistamped on the back of it. A puddle of blood formed from under her. I looked up to try for the third time to get back to talking but was hit (once again in the face) by a magic bolt from Twilight.

That was enough to make me scream in frustration. I floated her into the air with telekinesis and let loose an intense magic beam. I threw her at the castle where she hit against a wall. I didn't bother checking if she even survived. I turned back the three still conscious/alive.

"THIS IS THE BUCKING THANKS I GET?! I'VE SAVED ALL OF YOU SO MANY BUCKING TIMES! I'VE SAVED ALL OF BUCKING MAGI! I'VE STOPPED TERRORISTS, RAPISTS, MURDERERS, SUPER VILLAINS AND EVEN BUCKING BULLIES! BUT NO, I OBVIOUSLY DON'T DESERVE YOUR TRUST OR EVEN A PLACE TO BUCKING STAY! I SAVE YOUR LIVES AND THE ONLY THANKS I GET IS GETTING THROWN OUT ONTO THE STREET! BUCK YOU! BUCK ALL OF YOU! YOU KNOW WHAT?! I'LL JUST LET THE WORLD END NEXT TIME! GO DIE IN A FIRE, YOU MORONIC PIECES OF STEAMING HORSESHIT!"

I summoned a Support Circle and flew away.

Author's Notes:

I've added the 'sex' and 'gore' tags to the story because I'm not sure whether the stuff so far are enough for them.
I find it awesome that the title of the episode this is parallel to has a whole other meaning in this situation. In the show it meant Pinkie but here it means Cloud, loosing friends left and right.