"A. K. Yearling and Daring Do are one and the same!" Exclaimed Princess Twilight, grabbing her own face in delight. "My mind is officially blown!"

"Aw, come on," said Lady Rainbow, "I knew it all along." Princess Twilight shot her a glare. As Daring began to fight with the three Earth Ponies, the other Spirits of Harmony gathered around the window to watch.

"Nnn nnn nnn nnn," spoke Lady Applejack, as descriptive as ever. I turned back to the fight and-

"WATCHER!" W-Wait, that w-was...!

I turned around to see- Oh no... Princess Celestia. I gulped.

"P-P-Princess Celestia!" I cried. "W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-What are you doing here?!"

"I gave you one job, Watcher!" She snarled, throthing at the mouth as her eyes turned red. "You were to watch-! Uh... Shit, what was his name...? Oh! You were to watch Cloud Calculation and inform me of any odd behaviour!"

"B-But, your highness," I said, trying not to pee everywhere, "I-!"

"You have failed me, Watcher! Now you will pay!" Princess Celestia's body twisted and contorted as her flesh boiled and her fur ignited. She began to scream from rage until the strange process was complete and she was in her true form; a giant, flaming shovel.

I squeaked.

The shovel monster roared before charging at me. Screaming, I took to the skies in an effort to escape, only for it to follow me. IT CAN FLY. WHY CAN IT FLY. WHAT IS THIS. AAGGHH. I continued my escape attempt, flying away from the house and across the tree tops, faster than I'd ever flown before.

It wasn't fast enough.

The demonic shovel grabbed me with it's glowing tentacles around my waist and forced me to look towards it. It grinned even though it didn't have a face and bared its non-existent teeth.

"Any last words to say to your rectum?" It asked.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."

"Fair enough." Suddenly, the sky tore open. The shovel turned to look at it with confusion and bewilderment both simultaneously plastered on it's non-existent face. "What the crap?" From the heaven's butthole descended Princess Luna, a look of wrath upon her very existent face. "Y-You?! But how did you get past my scrambling magic?!"

"This is the last time you torment my subjects, she-demon!" Cried Princess Luna. "I shall defeat you!" The Princess fired a magical beam at the shovel, making it scream in pain. The shovel morphed again, this time turning into a bald, red Diamond Dog. And I thought Mistress was a bitch!

"I've come to far to stop now, you pathetic Horse!" The Dog screamed.

"Stop adding voice filters to yourself, you just sound stupid!"

"Not as stupid as you do naturally!"

"Oh, it is on!"

"Not if I'm on first!"

"That doesn't make sense!"

"Yeah, but you're fat!" The Dog threw her arm out to the side and a mace that seemed to be made out of pure energy appeared in her paw. She propelled herself the Princess and took a swing, but before it could hit, the Princess blasted a sphere of magic out from herself that both slammed into the Dog, sending her crashing to the ground, and summoned some kind of armour that vaguely resembled the armour of Nightmare Moon.

Before the Dog could retaliate, the Princess fired a white beam at me, which-

I sat up, gasping for breath. I was back at the library on the floor of the Brothel. W-What the buck was that?! Some kind of nightmare?!

It was time to attack.

Vesper had sent word via psychic message that she was ready, and I'd replied telling her to wait for my signal. And Realta-damn will that signal be fun!

I was in Luna's tent powering her up with a Support Circle so she could deal with the Nightmare-wannabe. We needed to deal with her first since we already knew she could put conscious people into an unconscious, nightmare state. If we didn't deal with her first, she could just knock us out one by one so her friends in the real world could finish us off. That should be enough.

I dismissed my Support Circle and quickly trotted outside. Badda Boom and Diggin Dadurt were waiting for me.

"It's all set up," said Boom, "my babies are ready to blow whenever you're ready!"

"Remind me why you aren't keeping the blue one powered up?" Asked Dig. Technically that shouldn't be a question. And technically meat is edible, what's my point?

"She only needed enough power to get in," I replied, "she doesn't need my help to beat the Dog. Is everyone else where I told them to be?"

"Yep."

"Then let's do this. Blow that fortress to here." There was a short silence.

"...What?" Asked Boom.

"'Cause... 'Cause the saying's 'blow it to hell', but we're already in-" I sighed. "Just blow it up."

"Yessir!" Boom stomped on a rune carved into the ground and the magical explosives inside the outside walls detonated. The explosion was so bright and big I had to summon a Shield Circle to stop myself going blind. OKAY, MAYBE THAT WAS A BIT MUCH.

I dismissed the Shield Circle to see that they'd worked perfectly; the outer walls were completely annihilated leaving a mess of hallways and rooms exposed. It took only a few seconds before demons began pouring out of it like a hive.

The battle had begun.