I lay my tent's tarp across the flat, rocky ground, humming a merry tune. After making sure it lined up with everyone else's, I sat down and took off my saddle bags. Everyone else but Luna was already sitting on their own, most watching me with confused expressions.

"Uh... Boss?" Asked Night Sky, raising her hoof. "Why are we having a picnic in Tartarus?"

"Are we not supposed to be assaulting the fortress?" Added Ms. Direction in a Pegasus form.

"There's been a change of plans," I replied. "We can't assault the base yet. Possibly not for a while."

"And the picnic?" Questioned Mjr. Success.

"We're gonna have a lot of time to kill, so I figured we may as well have a picnic-meeting over brunch."

"Shouldn't we wait for Princess Luna to join us?" Inquired Tanya Featherquill. Why am I describing them by full name? I haven't memorised them all properly yet, so this is a good way to practice.

"We are, we're gonna eat first."

"We're going to eat before the Princess gets here?!" Cried Night Sky. "Isn't that royally rude?!"

"Alicorns have weird eating habits anyway, she'll be fine."

"Oh, yes, because military rations are so good for picnics," snarked Book Worm in a Unicorn form. Why do I have a feeling I'm gonna hate him? Because he's an snarky asshole only present to fire magical attacks at the enemy. Now why does that sound so familiar...?

"You brought military rations?" I snorted. "Fine, have your shitty rations while the rest of us eat the awesome food I brought. Actually, did anyone else bring food?"

"I have a small amount of food with the perfectly balanced amount of nutrients for me in an emergency," replied Mjr. Success.

"I have a jar of liquid rainbow filled with memories of loving moments," added Ms. Direction.

"I have a magical crystal constantly filling my body with the exact nutrients and energy I require," added Total Badass. There's no way that's his actual name. It's most likely self chosen. The curiosity of his real name continues to annoy me, however. I think he looks like a Greg.

"I have a packet of chocolate hobnobs!" Night Sky added with excitement.

"I'll trade you a bottle of cider for a hobnob," I offered.

"Deal!"

"Wait, a full bottle?" Catechized Tanya Featherquill. "How many did you bring?"

"Oh, y'know, just a couple," I muttered before reaching into my saddlebags.

Current contents:
-957x Cider Bottle.

Cider bottle. I teleported it to Night and she threw me a hobnob.

"I don't understand how Princess Luna could trust someone with a drinking problem," continued Tanya. I waved a hoof dismissively.

"I don't have a drinking problem," I lied.

"Oh really?" She quizzed. Damn, I'm running out of synonyms... "Then tell me; how many bottles do you go through a day?"

"Uh... Y'know... The normal amount... Ten or so..." Her eyes widened.

"What did you just-?!"

"The experiment is ready," interrupted Dick-Moon as she walked over to us. "It is currently charging within its crystal."

"I can't believe you actually went through with that," said Night. "You're probably gonna go to hell for that. Oh wait!"

"I'll pick it up after this and leave it with my new armour," I replied, ignoring Night. Dick-Moon nodded.

"Very well," she continued. "And now for our feast."

"What food did you bring?"

"A years worth of Metros." She teleported one into her hooves before sitting down. She took a bite. "Wiv uh varie-y uf fwavuors."

"And on that note, let's eat."

And on that note, we ate.

Discord and I were relaxing in our deck chairs in the four hundred and nine thousandth study, looking through the spacial rift to see the actions of Cloud Calculation and Overcast Vesper.

"Pass me another beer, Disco," I slurred, possibly a little drunk. Discord groaned.

"I don't see how this is good reformation," he moaned, pulling at the golden collar around his neck. "I can't even use my magic..."

"This is the deal. You do whatever I say whenever I say it and I will not have my scientists find a way to murder you."

"I already turned them into fried chicken." There was a silence.

"I see. That is a problem." I squirted him with a spray bottle of gold water. "Bad Discord." He scratched it the parts of him wet with the gold water, causing clumps of skin to come off. I sprayed him again. "Bad Discord! No being gross with gore!" He sighed.

"I could be watching all this in person but no..."

"Now give me more beer!" He sighed, rolled his eyes in multiple directions and finally passed me another can of beer. "Hey! I-I-" I burped, "I've got an idea! GUARD!" Bog Clogger came in.

"Yes ma'am?" He asked.

"Bring me Chrysa-Bitch!"

"Yes'm." He trotted away briskly.

"Why are you bringing her here?" Asked Disco. I chugged the entire can of beer I was holding.

"Misery loves... And..." I was silent for a few seconds.

"Lightweight..."

"And company policies. Yes." There was yet another silence. "Pass me another beer, Disco." Discord groaned again.