I woke up lying in a bed, feeling surprisingly good. Wait, a minute, am I...? I looked at my body. Oh. Well then. I was back to being a Pony. I should probably find out what happened.

I glanced around and noticed that the room I was in was made of crystal. I'm likely back in the Crystal Empire. On the crystal night stand next to my crystal bed, there was a scroll (a paper scroll, not a crystal scroll). I levitated it to my face. Bucking Tartarus, I've missed having my magic...

Yo Dad,

Geeko and I are waiting for you in the throne room. You were out for a few days, but we went a week back so it's fine. The M.M.D.M. is nearly ready.

'We went a week back'? It seems that I have once again gone backwards in time. Who the buck is 'Geeko'? Most likely Nerdy. What's the M-? Miniature Magic Detect(ion/ing) Machine. Oh. Okay. I should get to the throne room as soon as I can.

I climbed off of the bed and made my way to the throne room.

I arrived and immediately saw Vesper with a young, dull blue Earth Pony. Probably Nerdy. I walked over to them to see that they were doing something to a relatively small machine.

"Hey," I greeted. They turned around and Vesper grinned.

"Hey, Dad!" She greeted back.

"Cloud?" Asked probably-Nerdy. I noticed that he didn't have a cutie mark. Weird... It might be due to talents working differently in the Primotaur world...

"Hey, Nerdy," I re-greeted. "How does it feel to go to an alien world in the form of an alien creature?" Nerdy smirked.

"You already know." I laughed.

"Yeah. Anyway, how's the magic detector coming?"

"Pretty slow," answered Vesper, "I don't know that much about the scientific side of magic. But you're here now, and you know pretty much everything about it, right?" I nodded.

"I think before the mutation happened I tried studying every aspect of it that I could. It would also explain how I knew so many spells when I first woke up even though I hadn't been able to use magic for very long. Anyway, what the buck happened to me back at the school?"

"Gilda hit you really, really hard when you weren't paying attention," said Nerdy. "You hit your head really hard against the floor which did some serious damage, but she kept kicking you while you were down. Spike went to find Twilight so she could help you. She arrived just as I happened to find you by chance and we took you back to this world and found her," he motioned to Vesper, who nodded.

"Ass-tral went back through the portal to continue with whatever and I got God-Horse to send us back a week," added Vesper. "Then we started this after Geeko explained what happened." Nerdy frowned. "That's pretty much it."

"Okay," I replied. "Well, let's get on with the machine..."

"...And that should do it," I said, wiping my brow. It had taken a couple of days, but the machine was complete. We still had a day left until past us arrived, so I had plenty of time to prepare for fighting as a Primotaur. "Welp, I'm gonna go train." Vesper looked confused.

"What?" She asked.

"See you later." I hit myself with a cloud of sleeping gas.

I was in a grocery store attempting to buy an apple, but the cashier wouldn't let me haggle low. The current deal was one giant purple carrot to me and chocolate to floor.

"Why do you always have such weird dreams?" Asked Luna as she materialised next to me.

"I dunno," I replied, wrestling the carrot monster, "why do you give me them?"

"I have not got that much power over the dream realm, you know. It is the dreamer that creates the basic dream."

"Uh huh, sure." I exploded the building with my mind. "Anyway, I need your help with something." Her eyes narrowed. Should it even be 'her'? I need to learn the terminology for hermaphrodites... Luna glared at me.

"Yes, it is 'her'!"

"Oh yeah, you can hear that..." There was an awkward silence. "How do you pee?"

"What was it that you needed?!" Luna shouted.

"First of all, don't talk to me about this; I'm future me. Again." Luna groaned. "Second, I need you to train me to fight Minotaurs. Minotaurs aren't what I'm going to fight, but I don't think you'll be able to simulate Primotaurs properly." Her angry expression changed to a confused one.

"Simulate what properly?"

"And finally, I need to do it in this form." I imagined myself in my Primotaur form, and immediately transformed into it. Luna looked horrified.

"What on Magi is that monstrosity?!" It was my turn to roll my eyes.

"Come on, it's not that bad. Well, the way the legs bend still kinda freaks me out," I bent my legs to show her, making her retch, "and the dicks look really weird, but you get used to it pretty quickly. The legs I mean. I don't think I'll ever get used to the dicks..." There was another awkward silence.

"I... I don't... What...?" I sighed.

"I need you to simulate Minotaurs so I can get used to fighting in this form. That's all. Could you please help me?"

"I... Uh..." Luna cleared her throat. "I shall concede."

"Thanks." I started stretching out. Next time Gilda and I meet, it'll be her that didn't know what hit her!

Author's Notes:

So today the story is officially one year old.

Thanks so much to people who've read through all of this shit and somehow liked it so far, it means a lot to me.

For those of you who don't know, this story's final arc will be after Rainbow Rocks and I have two sequels planned.
The first sequel won't be based around the show's episodes at all and I estimate it will be about 70k words long.
The second sequel (which is a direct sequel to the first sequel) will go back to parodying episodes. It should be just as long, if not longer, than this story's final word count.

While the second story will be much shorter than the first and second, it should be loads of fun!

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I'm going to be taking a break from writing after this chapter is posted.
I'm not sure for how long, but I expect two weeks or at the most.