Cloud Calculation was a strange Pony for a number of reasons. First of all, he was more powerful than one of Equestria's Princesses. Second of all, he had an incredibly rare mental illness that had only been reported in three other Ponies in all of recorded history. Third of all, no records of him existed. Nopony had ever seen or heard of him before he had woken up in the middle of nowhere. No part of him ever existed before that day. And finally, he had accidentally stopped the prophecy of my heir.

The prophecy was simple enough:

The explosion of colour will set the destiny of six Ponies to wield the ultimate magic, and the final harmony will take the throne to Equestria.

Most ponies (including myself) believed this to be a prophecy about an heir to me. There were only two ponies that I knew of who could fit the prophecy. Twilight Sparkle was the first as she had earned her cutie mark because of the sonic rainboom incident, which fitted the 'explosion of colour' part. The cutie mark in question matched the main symbol on the Tree of Harmony, theoretically giving Twilight direct access to the Elements of Harmony.

There were six Elements of Harmony, so what the prophecy said about 'the destiny of six ponies' was more than likely about the Embodiments of Harmony, originating from a separate prophecy. 'The final harmony' likely meaning the ultimate ruler. No more wars, no more terrorists or 'villains' and no more quarrels. Ultimate peace will reign.

Unless it was the other pony that fit the prophecy. If it was the second pony, then things would be... Less appealing. Why am I thinking about this right now? I need to stop monologuing and get back to writing this letter... I was filling out some order forms for decorations that will be used at the Grand Galloping Gala. Ugh, G3... I wish I could just cancel the entire thing. And then ban it. And burn its remains. I sighed. But those snobby Canterlot dicks need something to get off to.

I miss my old castle sometimes, it wasn't surrounded by twats in tacky clothing. Ugh, and I have to pretend I care all the bucking time. Do these arseholes have any idea how shitty it gets being happy and caring for a thousand years? Oh yeah, my beloved sister tries to kill me so I have to banish her to probably never see her again! We must bucking celebrate! It's such a load of horse-shit. Oh great, I'm monologuing again... Suddenly, a royal guard burst through my door, looking dramatic.

"P-Princess Celestia!" He exclaimed frantically, pointing down the hallway. "We've just received word from the royal hospital! Clou-!"

"Sight Watcher," I interrupted with a 'calm' tone. "What have I said about knocking?"

"Y-you said I needed t-to do it more..."

"Yes. I did. Please leave the room and ask for permission to enter."

"But-!"

"Hurry up! Or you'll be guarding moon rocks!" He left the room, closing the doors behind him. There was a small knock.

"Princess Celestia? Can I come in?"

"No."

"But it's urgent!"

"You don't need to ask permission to use the little colt's room."

"What? I don't need to-"

"Did Munch Yum clog it again? I told her to go easy on the fajitas. This happens every Mexicow Monday!"

"But- Wait, why would she be in the gents?"

"You know how she gets when she's had a few drinks. How badly is the toilet clogged?"

"The toilet's not clog-"

"Why don't you get Soap Sud to unclog it for you?"

"He-"

"You're right, it is his day off today."

"I-"

"Follow me, Watcher. I'll show you an unclogging spell."

"But-" I slammed open the doors and grabbed Sight Watcher with my magic, carrying him to the bathroom.

"...And that's the basics to the spell," I was in the bathroom showing Watcher how to unclog toilets with magic. I did the last little bit to it and pulled out what was clogging the toilet. "This is the messy part, you've really got to aim for the bucket quickly. Wait, why is there a cheese sandwich in here? Munch- Oh! It wasn't Munch Yum at all! Luna clogged the toilet! I know how she loves those cheese sandwiches."

"Princess Cele-"

"Don't worry, Watcher. It's okay to be scared, but you've got to tell Luna to stop clogging the toilets with sandwiches!"

"What's happen-?"

"Fine, if you insist. I'll confront her this time, but this time only! You're coming with me. You need to learn to not be scared to poop where Luna's been and also how to confront her sandwich menacing ways!"

"What is love-?"

"I need to get Soap Sud to clean this floor tomorrow, it's getting dirty."

"What is life-?"

"Come along, Watcher. It's time to take down the sandwich terrorist!"

I burst through the doors to Luna's room, startling her awake from her midday slumber.

"LUNA!" I shouted with the Royal Canterlot Voice, "WHY IS THERE A SANDWICH IN THE TOILET?!" Luna was trying to grasp what was happening.

"Sister," she replied to me, "why do you wake us so? We were watching the dreams of ponies in Eurogallop, there was a really good one about these giant bananas eating poop and- Wait, did you say sandwich in the toilet?"

"Yes! I know that it must be you who is the sandwich terrorist! It was a cheese sandwich!" Luna looked confused. "Watcher, arrest her immediately for assault on sandwiches!" I threw Watcher at Luna, missing and hitting her favorite mirror. It shattered into many pieces, stabbing Watcher in the spleen. Watcher screamed.

"Princess!" He cried, bleeding profusely. "Help! It hurts so much!"

"THOU HAVE BROKEN OUR FAVORITE MIRROR!" Luna screamed in the Royal Canterlot Voice angrily, "PREPARE THYSELF FOR A SWIFT AND PAINFUL DEATH" Luna grabbed Watcher by his neck, repeatedly punching him in the face. After a few hits, I stepped in.

"Luna, this is not the way." Luna dropped Watcher back onto the broken glass and turned to look at me, a confused look on her face.

"But sister, he single hoovedly destroyed our antique! Surely he must pay for his crimes!" I shook my head.

"Don't worry, Luna, he will be disciplined for his reckless actions." Suddenly the doors to the room flew open, and the royal masseuse burst in.

"Princess Celestia!" Cried Butt Rubber, "Cloud Calculation has been cured! The doctors sent Watcher to inform you earlier, but her never came back!" I looked to Watcher, disappointed.

"I'm ashamed of you, Watcher. Something important like this comes up, and you pester me with toilet sandwiches when there is important information about Cloud Calculation! You will be punished for this. Or rather, your salary will!"

"No, please Celestia-" He cried out, bleeding onto the carpet.

"You will call our sister by her title, whelp!" Shouted Luna, "you are bleeding into my expensive carpet! This will take hours to clean! Sister! The one known as Soap Sud should get a promotion for his hard work in cleaning carpets and unclogging toilets!"

"I know, Luna. He will be. Soap Sud is a great pony who never stops his hard work, unlike this lazy pony."

"Princess!" Exclaimed Butt Rubber, "you need to get to the hospital!"

"Tell them I'm on my way." Butt ran off down the hallway. I looked down at Watcher. "Now for your discipline. One thousand magical spanks on the plot for you!"

"N-No!" He cried, "please! I need medical attention!"

"Your plot will need medical attention by the time I've finished with it!"

One broken flank later, I headed down to the hospital to check on Cloud Calculation. Removing his second personality was a simple procedure. I'm glad magic exists, otherwise things like this would be so difficult. I went straight to his room where Cloud was unconscious in a bed, and walked up to the royal doctor, Rib Remover.

"Ah, hello Princess Celestia," Greeted Remover, "please take a seat and I will tell you the situation at hoof." He motioned to some chairs. I forced my way into one of the chairs he motioned to, which wasn't easy. I have a bigger butt-size than most ponies, so forcing my butt into a seat designed for smaller butts was a bit f a task. I got settled and he began explaining. "As you know, Cloud was brought here because he was diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder, or MPD for short. Removal of the second personality was easy enough but the next step isn't so easy.

"MPD patients can only have one personality in control at a time. When they need to or when they are forced to, they will switch places to the second or original personality. Cloud's second personality was in control when we cured him of MPD, so his original is still dormant for now. Eventually his first personality will return to its normal place, but while it's dormant, Cloud will be unconscious."

"So you're saying that he's in a coma?" I asked, "how long will that be for?"

"I don't know. It could be a week, it could be a year. I have no idea how or why the first personality comes back but it always does. It may be linked to what their mind is doing while dormant, but nopony other than Princess Luna has ever entered the dream world physically." I scratched my chin. Luna may be able to help him wake up faster then...

"Thank you doctor, I will be going now." I forced my butt out of the chair and began to walk off.

"So soon? You've barely arrived!"

"I know," I put on sunglasses, "but I've got a terrorist to de-cheese."

Author's Notes:

you've got to tell Luna to stop clogging the toilets with sandwiches!

Best line I've ever written! XD

The rainbow text took about half an hour. ;_;

Here's how to do it in case you didn't know:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85Qx1hiZVrM