Archmage: Square One

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Chapter 17: Waking Hour, A Mare's Resolve

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The border between crying and sleep was blurred for me. Guilt weighed heavily on my mind, plaguing me with nagging doubts and belittling comments that seemed to wear down on me, like a stone at the bed of a rushing river being slowly eaten away over the ages. I sobbed, I shed tears, and I whimpered until sleep took me away, blending so smoothly into consciousness that I wasn’t sure if my tears were falling on my hooves in the dreamscape or in the musty hospital room.

Rest was fitful. Then again, I had difficulty sleeping without Goldy in the bed beside me of late, and given she couldn’t be with me, that compounded the problem. My muscles were still weak, and rolling over took great effort. Each time I felt the need to re-adjust, my strength was pushed to its limit, and I fell into sleep all the quicker for my exhaustion.

I must not have received any more visitors. Or if I had, they didn’t wake me. The rare moments of lucidity between rolling over and wracking bouts of sobbing told me that night had come and gone, and the light of a new dawn poured in through the windows. Still, I didn’t find solace in the honey-colored rays of light, nor the prospect of my friends. My thoughts were plagued with one thing and one thing only:

Guilt.

Audit was right. No father should have to bury his daughter. No mother should have to say goodbye to her precious filly. No teacher should have to stand at the grave of her student.

No lover should have to sleep in an empty bed.

I slept fitfully all throughout that day, and only found true rest when the doctor wordlessly came with another vial of poppy milk. I drank the entire thing and fell into a deep, restorative sleep. My dreams were strange and troublesome, though never truly horrifying enough to wake me. Something just felt off in each of them. For one, Goldy was a stallion. For another, Twilight kept her physique, but appeared to be constructed of the same twigs, leaves, and logs that the timberwolves were.

The dreamscape was a terrifying thing to me; one that I had difficulty reconciling. It whirled around me, changing and shifting rapidly like some maelstrom of doubt and anxiety. One moment I found myself running from Twilight, the next I was savaged by the stallion that was Goldy, and on through the mystifying landscape of my dreams until I plunged into a lake of molten gold. The searing metal burned at me, but didn’t consume or eat away at my body. I just thrashed about in it, screaming helplessly, feeling completely at a loss for myself.

I breached the surface with a mighty gasp, shuddering from pain as my back arched up towards the sky. The night wheeled above me, infinite and mysterious, consuming all of my sight and sound. I was enraptured by the stars and the moon, looking impossibly large for a normal night. Then again, this was anything but a normal dream. The molten gold sluiced away from me, and I found myself leaving the searing pool.

I was afloat among the stars, my pains and anxieties gone for the moment. It felt like a soothing balm, this calming night sky wrapping me in its embrace like some long-lost lover. I was not surprised to find I wasn’t alone anymore. Nor was it the terrifying visages of my tortured mind that populated this soothing place. My eyes went wide and I felt compelled to bow as Princess Luna emerged from among the stars, like shedding a celestial shroud. She spoke to me, her voice kind and low.

“Hello, Star Caster.”

“Princess Luna. I… I’m honored. That you would come visit me, that is.”

“Your dreams have been a delight to behold the past few days; that much is for certain.” Luna smiled down at me, offering a hoof. I tenuously accepted it, and she pulled me to my haunches. At least, as close to it as I could be, seeing as we were floating aimlessly in the midst of the night sky, with nothing but stars all around us. I gave a soft breath of wonder as Luna spread her wings and began to fly a slow, lazy loop around me.

“Do you know why I’m here to speak with you now?”

“I do not.” I had to admit, watching her roll lazily while circling me in the infinite sky. “I can guess that it’s to do with the timberwolves and the Elder Serpents.”

“Well, you’re not wrong. But it’s much bigger than that. I sense a great amount of turmoil in you, and your dreams mirror that. Normally, my duties in the dreamscape lie with quieting young foals’ nightmares, and helping them find their way to the truth of things. Very seldom do I interfere with grown ponies’ dreams, and it’s even more rare that I confront them directly.

“Take for instance the lake I just rescued you from. Do you know what it means when a pony is lost in a liquid, specifically molten metal?”

“I’d imagine it’s a torturous experience, one way or another.”

“Again, you’re not wrong. But it has a lot to do with the material in which they find themselves. Gold is a rare commodity, and signifies both wealth and preciousness. To find yourself drowning in the midst of a lake of molten gold means you find yourself surrounded by love and adoration, but feel smothered for it. Helpless, even.”

“That doesn’t seem like such a bad thing.” Luna’s words didn’t make much sense to me. How could anypony be smothered by affection? There were ponies who could take emotional connections too far, but Goldy was anything but clingy and I could certainly see the logic in my parents’ turmoil.

“Well, I never said it was.” Luna mused, coming to hover in front of me. “It could be a very beneficial thing, but unless that love and adoration is appreciated then it only weighs us down. But let’s move on. You saw Twilight, your mentor, fashioned of the same materials as the dreaded timberwolves, correct?”

“Yeah…” I shivered. That particular dream was terrifying in its own right.

“To see a trusted pony, be they a family member or beloved advisor, fashioned of the thing you fear most tends to signify an intense feeling of distrust. Do you not trust Twilight?”

“I…” Luna’s question took me off-guard. I had to think for several long moments, staring pensively at a constellation in the distance. Did I trust Twilight? Her motivations weren’t exactly transparent, and I’d felt more than my fair share of turmoil over following her requests. Ever since my prophecy had been made, Twilight had been making decisions that I found suspect. In the end, I had to arrive at the only logical conclusion.

“I can’t say that I do. In her defense, everything she’s tasked me with has been logically sound, but I find myself unable to trust her.”

“I suspected as much.” Luna’s soft smile betrayed an understanding beyond my years. Then again, she was millennia old herself. I found myself wondering how many ponies Luna had confronted like this, and what sorts of changes their lives took after they awoke from her blessed dream world. “Well, allow me to allay some of your fears. Twilight acts solely out of the best interest of Equestria. I’ll be the first to admit that this has come at the cost of several individual lives in the past, but this is - very thankfully - not one of them. Twilight is doing everything she can to ensure not just your safety, but the safety of Equestria at large.”

“I find that difficult to believe.” A frown found its way to my lips. “Why would Twilight send me out here, and presumably through a barrier, if she wanted to protect me? Wouldn’t I be more safe in Canterlot, under the protection of all three of you?”

“Perhaps.” Luna pursed her lips, rolling onto her back and floating lazily away. She crossed her hooves behind her head, looking upwards into the infinite void of the night sky around us. “Maybe you’d have been more safe in Canterlot, but what of the ponies in Trottingham? How many would have suffered without your efforts in protecting the walls?”

“I’m afraid I don’t follow…” I frowned at her, watching her ephemeral mane billow around her head. “There were dozens of guards protecting the walls. Would one pony… me, of all the unicorns in Trottingham, have made all that difference?”

“Such is the way of prophecy.” Luna rolled back over, facing me directly. “The first leg of your own prophecy has come to pass, Star Caster. ’The blood and bone of the bane of stars buys the safety of the ancient city, and by her turmoil are the Great Serpents called.’ Congratulations, Star. You’ve survived the first portion of the most influential prophecy in over three millennia.”

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I awoke to the gentle light of a pre-dawn sun, creeping over the top of Trottingham’s massive walls. Luna’s words chased me into consciousness, sending a haunting chill through my body. I felt heavy and sluggish, but my muscles no longer screamed in protest at the slightest movement, and I could think more clearly than I had been able to in what felt like an eternity. I raised my head to peer out of the window, feeling only the slightest tightness in my body. After stretching cautiously, I slipped off of the bed and made my way to the connected bathroom. Some small part of my psyche celebrated that victory, that I was finally able to at least handle myself on my own.

The larger part of my mind was mulling Luna’s conversation over, thinking hard on what she had said to me. The words of the prophecy were strange and convoluted, but I could guess that it was my effort that had saved Trottingham. My injuries were intended, long before I had suffered them. Either that, or the failure. And considering how pivotal this prophecy seemed to be, that would have been even more catastrophic than letting the timberwolves breach the walls. Or even allowing Io to do the same.

I splashed cold water on my face, looking at my haggard expression in the bathroom mirror. It was then that I received a larger shock than my prophecy had given me.

“Lotus is going to fucking kill me.” I turned my head to the side, grimacing as my hooves ran over the sheared strands of my mane. Gone were the long, flowing black locks of hair, replaced by an almost tomcoltish short style. A series of red bumps along the base of my skull signaled the end of my mane, leaving the long coat of my neck bare of any long strands of hair. That must have been where my spine had been damaged, and the doctors had cut away the hair to better get at the source of the problem. Then, it seemed, one of them had made the executive decision to make the rest of my mane match. Where I could have braided the entire thing maybe two dozen times over, I’d now struggle to fit three simple braids before reaching the end of the strands.

In short, I was down to maybe a quarter of the hair I had previously had. I felt bald, despite still sporting more hair than either my mother or my father. Goldy and Lotus certainly had me beat, but Fair Breeze and Basil would find a companion in short mane styles. I looked like a different pony altogether, and coupled with the bags under my eyes, it looked like a ghost was staring at me through the mirror.

“Miss Caster?” A familiar voice reached my ears, tearing my gaze away from the phantom in the glass.

“In here.”

“Oh wow, you’re up on your own! Feeling well, then?”

“Yeah, actually.” I emerged from the bathroom to a smiling Candi, the comely earth pony nurse beaming at me warmly. “I feel rotten, but I can at least take care of myself now.”

“Well that’s good news. There’s a whole slew o’ ponies just waitin’ to see you, hon. We’ve held them off since you needed your rest after the visitors yesterday, but if you’re feeling well enough, do you want to see some more of them today?”

“That would be nice.” I smiled at her, though the expression quickly turned sour. “Eer, that is, if I can take a shower first.”

“Well of course! Would you like some help, or-“

“I think I can manage.” I smiled at her, turning back into the bathroom.

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I came to realize that my mane may have been sheared, but my tail still retained its full volume. Compared to the relatively austere hairstyle I’d been saddled with, the weight of all that hair on my backside seemed oppressive. Indeed, just maneuvering my head around in the shower, scrubbing it with my hooves and rinsing off under the spout of water, felt rather liberating in a way. I felt lighter, more capable and certainly more streamlined. While scrubbing the long strands of my tail, what had once seemed like a comforting ritual now struck me as more of a burden than anything else.

I toweled myself dry in the steamy air and emerged into the hospital room to a fresh set of linens. The curtains had all been drawn aside, letting even more brilliant morning light filter in. It felt almost like a new room after the dark days I had spent sleeping and crying in here. The haunting memory of the intense pain still hovered over my mind, but it was nothing more than that anymore. I could move past it, and I felt a small bit of hope after having survived such a horrific ordeal.

’My spine had been shattered. I had almost died. If I can survive that…’

The thought died as Candi emerged from the hallway, escorting my next guest. I simultaneously felt a surge of joy and a cloud of dread descend on me as Lotus stepped into the room. Her eyes immediately flickered to my mane, and her already-pale coloration faded even more.

“Oh Star…” She breathed, raising a hoof to her mouth.

“H-hey, Lotus…” I muttered weakly, blushing intensely. “I, uuh… I guess what you said came true, huh? I can’t be trusted to take care of my own mane.”

“Well I should think not!” Lotus’s coloration returned as she rushed forth, shooing me towards the rolling doctor’s stool. “Candi, dear, could you be a darling and go tell Fair Breeze to get my go-to bag from our home? While I wait for my supplies, I can tell Star how right I was.”

“Sure thing, darlin’. Star? You gonna be okay?”

“As okay as anypony can be with this psycho on their tail.” I grimaced. Candi just chuckled and exited into the hallway. As soon as she left, Lotus wrapped me in a tight embrace.

“I’m glad you’re okay, Star. We were worried about you.”

“I’m so sorry, Lotus.” I nuzzled into her neck, returning the embrace with a soft whimper. “I never wanted to worry you all so much. And I know how much you loved my mane-“

“Oh shut up about your mane. I might give you a hard time about it, but in all sincerity it’s just humorous. Remember all the times I told you ‘oh, your mane would fall off without me there to take care of it?’ I almost didn’t believe Goldy when she told me they had to cut it off to… to get at your, uum, spine…”

“True.” I sniffled and pulled back to smile at her. “Still, I’m sorry I had you all worried. There’s… There’s a lot I have to talk about with you and the others, with Twilight, and my parents… Ugh.” I felt the beginning of a headache come on as I recalled all the thoughts that had crossed my mind since waking from my dream.

“There’s a time and a place for that. Let’s at least wait until you’re out of the hospital, okay? Now, tell me about everything that happened.”

I recollected everything that had happened from the morning of the attack, when I had last seen Lotus. Basil and I had gone to spar, and on our return stopped at my parents’ place for hot cocoa. Then Goldy and my mom had told us of the tremors, and the barrier. We flew there, the four of us, and witnessed Io shattering Twilight’s barrier. I told her about watching Twilight and Io clash, and Twilight instructing us what to do. I skimmed a fair few details, especially the ones that gave me shudders at recollecting them.

“So when we got word, we fell back into the wall. I’m guessing they just couldn’t hold off on activating any longer, and when they kicked it on I got thrown out of the wall…”

“Yes, the captain told us that was what happened. He said he watched you get blasted out of the tunnel, a wave of sticks and twigs behind you.”

“I figured as much.” A grimace passed my face as I sighed. “Timberwolves, for all their ferociousness, don’t weigh that much. Not enough to shatter my spine. It’d have to have been the enchantments. I’m lucky I wasn’t crushed outright, or worse, shredded.”

“Shredded?” Lotus blanched.

“Yeah, it’s… Well, the Southern and Western walls are different. Their enchantments actually shred anything caught inside, or that tries to get inside. Way back when, the East and North walls saw the most wear and tear, being on the frontlines of the fighting. So if anything tried to come into the other two ways, they were infiltrating purposefully. The original designers must have wanted to show no mercy to whatever tried to make their way in that way.”

“Barbaric.” Lotus sighed, turning away from me to go to the door. She poked her head out, but stepped back almost immediately. Fair Breeze stepped inside, clutching a smallish bag in her teeth. Lotus took it, freeing the fleet pegasus to smile at me properly.

“Heya kiddo.”

“Hey yourself.” I smiled at her, opening my hooves for a warm hug. She stepped into it warmly, throwing her forelegs around me and squeezing for all she was worth. Being as small a pegasus as she was, it still felt like a vice gripping me. Still, I held her for as long as I dared. Both Lotus and Fair Breeze had been good friends to me ever since our introduction. It was thanks to them that I knew Goldy, and had two travelling companions with me here in Trottingham. In a way, they reminded me of Canterlot, and of my home in Equestria’s capitol.

“We’re glad you’re okay, Star. There’s a lot of other ponies waiting to see you, so I won’t stay long. Lotus, keep it short will you? There’ll be plenty of time to drag Star through a full spa treatment when she’s out of here.”

“One cannot rush perfection.” Lotus waved at Breeze dismissively, her horn glimmering as she picked through the myriad of tools in the bag. It seemed to be an impromptu mane styling kit, complete with curlers and what I could guess were several bottles of dye. “But others can visit her while I work. You just can’t expect me to let her go with a short mane and a long tail. This isn’t Horseshoe Bay, and she isn’t a sailor.”

“What?” I blinked at her.

“Short mane, long tail is a sailor fashion adopted by social radicals in Horseshoe Bay.” Lotus waved me off, settling on a large pair of shears and a few smaller clippers. “Just shush up and let me square you away. They didn’t seem to mind savaging your mane in here, so they ought not to mind me fixing their mistakes. Go on, Breeze, send the others in. I’ll be out as soon as I’m done.”

“See you back at home.” Breeze chuckled before giving me one last, quick hug. “Good luck, Star.”

“I’m gonna need it.” I grimaced as Lotus pushed me back onto the doctor’s stool, her hooves raking through my short mane and the clippers setting to their work. Breeze stepped out as the first strands of my mane fell away under Lotus’ clippers, and in her wake came an unfamiliar pony.

“Star Caster,” He kept a stoic, rock-hard expression, not unlike his physique. He wore guard armor, but underneath it I could tell he was as solid an Earth Pony as they came. His brilliant white complexion seemed to glimmer in the morning light coming through the windows, and were it not for Lotus snipping at my mane, I’d have taken a good long look at him. “Pardon the interruption, but the Guard has been waiting to debrief you since you awoke yesterday. I hope you’ll forgive me for taking my visit before other friends and family members.”

“I understand. Might I have your name?” I asked, trying to duck around Lotus, but getting a reprimanding swat and a tsk from the stylist.

“I’m Dawn Gleam, commander of the guard forces in Trottingham.”

“Oh! Commander, forgive me, I… I thought you were an aide or something else, I… I’m sorry. Lotus, buzz off for half a moment, would you?”

“Style cannot wait. The Commander can. Or he can speak while I work. Just keep your head still.” Lotus muttered off-hoofedly, obviously focused on my mane.

“Excuse her.” I blushed. “She’s an idiot. Ow!”

“I heard that.” She tugged at my ear playfully, but I caught a glimpse of her smile. Dawn Gleam just cleared his throat and began speaking.

“We wanted to speak with you about your valorous actions at the battle of the North Tunnel. Between Io’s return and the timberwolves moving on Trottingham, we’ve seen the first open act of aggression against Equestria in a long while. We are at war, though we know not who our enemy is or how strong they are. Nevertheless, you and Basil stepped into the duty commanded of you by our Princess in such an admirable fashion that we owe the safety of Trottingham and her citizens to you both. Before we begin with the debriefing, I’d like to inform you that the Guard has seen fit to award you both with our highest civilian honor, the Platinum Star.”

“I… Wow.” Dawn Gleam’s words took my surprise. I blinked at him a few times, feeling a rush of heat to my face. I’d read a dozen stories about valorous ponies who had won the Platinum Star in wars past, and they had always won it at great personal cost. Then again, they had almost always won it at great personal cost. Second to the Morning Star, which was awarded only to ponies in the guard, it was the highest honor the Equestrian military could award. I felt my cheeks heat and my vision waver faintly.

“I understand this is a lot to take in at once, ma’am. But still, I must ask you a few questions about the attack.”

“O-of course.” I shook myself mentally, focusing on the Commander. “Ask away.”

“I’d like to begin by asking you to recount exactly what happened. Again, I know this might be painful, but please try not to leave anything out. Any and all details, no matter how small or inconsequential, may help us in our duty to the fallen.”

“Right.” I inhaled deeply and began my tale. It was much the same that I had told Lotus, but with much more details once I got to the part where we engaged the Timberwolves outside of the wall. There were a few times where Lotus’ clippers paused in their movement, and I could have sworn I heard her sniffle once or twice, but aside from my voice and the soft sound of snipping, the room was quiet. The Commander listened to me intently, his brilliant grey eyes never once leaving mine, save when Lotus moved between us. By the time I had finished, Lotus was finished with my mane and had moved on to my tail. The insistent tugs and pulling were countered by the sober mood, as I got into telling some of the more grisly details.

Every now and then, the Commander would cut in and ask me to clarify something, but other than that he remained quiet. It took almost fifteen whole minutes to tell the entire story from beginning to end, and when I finished he nodded solemnly.

“Was there anything else you remember?”

“… I don’t. After the tunnel, it’s all blank.”

“Very well. Thank you, Star Caster, for your contributions. Between your story and the statements of Guard ponies fighting alongside you, I can tell that you did a great service in defending the wall. Were it not for you, I don’t think they’d have held out against the assault. The ponies of Trottingham thank you. Miss Lotus, Miss Caster… I’ll take my leave.” Dawn Gleam gave the two of us a military salute before turning and leaving. In his wake, the silence was broken only by the soft sound of snipping.

“Lotus…”

“I didn’t know it was that… violent.” She whispered, the scissors pausing in their incessant snipping. “You didn’t tell me how many of them died.”

“Well…” I swallowed past the lump in my throat, remembering the sight of ponies dragged off into the mass of howling, snarling branches and twigs. Coats rent asunder, limbs and torsos ripped to pieces, the dying screams of good, honest guards.

“Can you blame me?”

Lotus remained silent, resuming her solemn clipping.

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Another minute or so passed before my next visitor arrived. Cobalt shouldered through the door, smiling down at me like some sort of gentle giant.

“Is good to see little pony okay again.” His deep voice vibrated into me, and I couldn’t help but smile up at the big lug.

“Glad to see you’re safe too, Cobalt. How’s the library been in my absence?”

“Books and shelves are fine. Is ponies I’m worried about. Little golden one is worried about you still. She has eaten again, but I have hardly seen her around. She agreed to let other ponies come see you, but is impatient. Like little sparrow, wanting to be free. Instead, she wants to come in here, to kiss you.”

“W-well, thanks. I guess.” I blushed at the blunt description, and Cobalt gave a deep, gut-rolling laugh at my colored cheeks.

“You look even littler with short mane. I like it. Makes you seem like little fairy pony.”

“Yeah, thanks.” I stuck my tongue out at him, though a smile played across my lips. “Seriously, though. Thank you for stopping by, Cobalt. It means a lot to me.”

“Is no issue.” Cobalt shrugged. “Princess Twilight asked me to help you. If I had known you would fight timberwolves, I’d have helped beat them at your side. Carried tiny pony through wall. Keep you safe.”

“Cobalt…” I blinked up at him. “You’d have fought by my side?”

“I’d have helped.” Cobalt said again, fixing me with a serious look. “For Twilight.”

“I get the feeling there’s something between you and Twilight I’m not privy to.” I surmised, though a warm feeling permeated my breast at hearing the hulking pony would have fought with me. He hardly knew me, and yet he’d have waded into the fires at my side without a second thought. His devotion to Twilight had to have been unparalleled.

“Some day, when we drink together, I vill tell you of Cobalt and the Archmage. But that day is not today. There are other tiny ponies waiting to see you. I vill leave, and have your room cleaned by the time you come home. Good bye, little pony. I’m glad you are okay.”

“Good bye, Cobalt. I’ll see you soon.” I would have hugged him goodbye, but I still feared for the well-being of my bones. Instead, he gave my head a rough pat, enough to make my grimace and buckle underneath the weight. Grinning widely, he ducked out of the door once more.

“I’m just about finished here.” Lotus quipped, tugging at my tail still. “I really do like this short style, mind you. It’s very… Spring.”

“If anypony could make me look good with short hair, it’d be you.” I chuckled, glancing over my shoulder at the changes. My tail certainly was much shorter, and seemed to twist in on itself as it fell over my haunches. It was long enough to cover me still, but wouldn’t hang nearly far enough for me to trip on it as it had just a few short days ago. Given the feeling of weightlessness on my head, I wondered what it’d feel like to be free the long strands on my backside as well.

“And we’re done.” Lotus stepped back, walking a slow circle around me with a critical eye. “Aah… Manefique. I seem to have out-done myself.”

“Let me see.” I trotted into the bathroom, feeling like a new pony all over again. The mirror was just large enough that I could see all of myself in it. My mane framed my face in a pixie-like style, with long bangs but a much shorter back side, leading out to a nicely-stylized rim that blended the longer and short strands wonderfully. It wasn’t quite as feminine as my old manestyle had been, but there was still a sense of pixie-like grace to it that made me seem like less of a tomcolt than the doctors had left me with. My tail, however, was almost completely different. Gone was the waterfall of hair that would hang down my legs and tangle with my hooves, replaced instead by a short spray of hair that twisted in on itself in a strange, if alluring, pseudo-braid. I waved it back and forth a few times, testing the light weight of it against memory, and found it to be awfully liberating. It did just about as good a job as my old tail did in covering me, but was much easier to move aside, should I feel the need.

Goldy would certainly like it.

“Wow.” Her voice came to me, making me stand up a little straighter. I looked past myself in the mirror, and found her standing at the door. My heart climbed up into my throat, and my cheeks grew hot. “I mean… wow.”

“H-heya, Goldy.”

“Hey yourself, Star.” She looked much better than she did yesterday. A full night’s rest and a shower had done her well. She trotted to my side, looking at me in the mirror. We stood side-by-side, and a gentle sound told us Lotus had finished cleaning and packing. We were alone in the bathroom of the hospital, and while I’d have to admit a few untoward thoughts crossed my mind, they were silenced by decency. Instead, I looked at Goldy and she looked at me. We stood like that for what felt like a full minute before she finally spoke.

“Lotus did a really good job. You look different, but… Well, I don’t want to say ‘better’ but it’s different. Still good.As good. As you were, I mean. I… Oh, brother…” She stuttered awkwardly, a crimson blush rising to her cheeks. I couldn’t help it. I leaned in and cemented our lips together, closing my eyes.

In that one simple, beautiful moment, it all melted away. The fear and the pain, the doubt and anger, the exasperation and helplessness. Gone was my trepidation, fled had my fears, and the ghosts that haunted my every thought moved on to new haunts.

In that moment, pressed against Goldy like that, I was Home.

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“Oh wow, honey, you look so good!” Olive Breeze bubbled as she rushed forward, running her hooves through my newly-styled mane and tail. “Ooh, that Lotus, she is good. Do you think I could…?”

“I’ll see what I can do about getting you an appointment with her.” I chuckled, pulling my mother away from my tail and into a warm embrace. Behind her, Audit entered the hospital room. He wasn’t nearly as haggard as he had been yesterday. The phantom of that pony still hung over him, though, and the bags under his eyes had receded only a little. At least he looked clean and showered, with a different sweater on and his eyes were no longer bloodshot. For that, I was immediately thankful.

Wordlessly, I slipped away from my mom and strode over to him. Our eyes met, and for one moment, I felt like a filly in front of him once more. His words echoed back to me, and the memory of that guilt reared its ugly head for a half a moment. He looked at me, and I looked at him. In that moment, I wasn't a valorous pony soon to be awarded the highest honor by the Guard. I wasn't Twilight Sparkle's personal student. I wasn't even a grown pony.

I was just a little foal, and I had upset the one pony that meant the most to me. I loved my father, and knowing how upset he was with me was worse than having my spine shattered. Wordlessly, he wrapped his hooves around me, pulling me into a tight embrace. I collapsed against him, feeling the tears come on once more. They spilled out of my eyes and onto his coat, soaking into the sweater. His hooves wrapped around me and began stroking my mane tenderly.

"Shh, shh, it's okay, Star." He whispered. I was aware of another pair of hooves wrapping around the two of us as Olive Breeze joined us. We sat there, our humble little family nearly shattered by my reckless actions. The guilt came back, carrying me away on waves of pathetic sympathy.

Until enlightenment came from the most unlikely of sources.

"I'm proud of you, Star." My father whispered. His words put a stopper in my tears, cutting them off with one last hiccup. I leaned back to look at him, at the sad smile he gave me. "The Platinum Star is a very important honor. They wouldn't be giving it to you if you didn't do something right."

"D-daddy...?"

"What I said still stands." He sighed, stepping back so that our embrace was broken. I could feel him settling into 'lecture' mode once more, and I knew he was about to speak some inevitable, universal truth. I had been in this position dozens of times before, and each time I walked away feeling all the better for it.

"No father - no parent - should have to bury their child. Had you died, I fear it'd have broken your mother and I. But you didn't perish. The reaper certainly knocked on your door, but like your grandfather always said-"

"If the reaper pony comes for you, don't go quietly. Go kicking and screaming, punching him in the throat." I chuckled, and the smile proved infectious.

"You fought death and won, Star. What's more, you saved a lot of ponies from certain doom. Far be it from me to doubt Princess Twilight and the others when their decisions saved so many." He inhaled a soft breath, as if collecting his thoughts. "I cannot control you or your decisions. If I had my way, you'd still be living at home, and where would that put us? You without having known Goldy, and us without a brilliant, beautiful daughter so full of life and passion.

"As much as any parent would like to, I cannot tell you how to live your life. I may fret, and worry, and lose control of myself when you're in danger, but I cannot tell you where to go or what to do. In just a few short years on your own, you've gone from a bumbling young filly to a beautiful and capable young mare. So I'm putting my faith in you, and in our Princesses. I am proud of what you've accomplished, and I would like to see you continue on in helping ponies."

"B-but, I... Daddy, I..."

"You what?" He arched an eyebrow at me, a faint smile playing across his lips. "You saved Trottingham? You stopped the Timberwolves from ripping us all apart? You helped Twilight in defending us from Io, and Tiamat, and Jormangundr? You survived?"

"But the other guards..." I shuddered, remembering the guards that had fallen beside me. "They... they died."

"I know," Audit hung his head. "And that is terrible. Truly, I'm unable to express just how horrible their loss is. We knew many of the families who lost sons and daughters in the attack. They mourn the lost, even now, a whole week later. It was a tragedy."

He raised his head to me, his eyes flashing.

"Which is why I'm not going to have you sully their memory by moping. Their deaths will not be meaningless, Star Caster. They died serving Equestria. And if that's the way you are destined to pass, then I will accept it. But I'll not have you fall into inaction, sitting in this hospital, mourning those who are already moved on." He stood up, laying a hoof under my chin. I gasped, my own eyes gone wide and fearful as he wrenched them up to his, staring at me intently. My father had never raised a hoof to me in anger, and the sudden motion from him, so resolute and hard, took me by surprise. The next words he spoke bored into my very being, carved onto my psyche.

"Avenge them."

----------

Another blast of fire erupted into the sky, blocking out the mid-day sun as it billowed over the tops of the walls. The flames licked at the glimmering wall of magic above Trottingham, roiling and furious. But the enchantment held, defending the countless ponies inside the city from being vaporized to nothingness. The flames continued on, dwarfing the sun and lighting the streets below in an eerie, baleful daylight. That was not Celestia's sun bearing down on us, but the flames of Tiamat, who still bathed Trottingham in fire from time to time. It seemed the Elder Serpent was intent on breaking through the enchantments and finally destroying the city that had stood in defiance for so long.

I put the hospital to my tail, a new sense of purpose welling inside of me. I made my way to the Northern wall, but not to go home and finally celebrate my reunion with Goldy. I had a specific pony to meet, and the information provided by the guards pointed me to the North. There was a small entourage behind me, several guards tasked with escorting me, Fair Breeze and Lotus, Cobalt, Commander Dawn Gleam, and a few others. They followed me wordlessly, the cacophony of hooves echoing back from the archaic brick buildings all around us. We were given a wide berth by fearful, wide-eyed ponies. Guards we passed recognized me, and saluted. Whether for me or their Commander, I wasn't sure. Some small part of me liked to think it was me earning that honor. The larger part of me was intent on finding Twilight.

Half of the ponies who had came with us stopped at the entrance to the Northern library, taking up posts or waiting patiently while the rest of us went inside. Lotus and Fair Breeze were with me, and having two friends at my back felt like all the world supporting me. Long, long ago, the Northern wall had held the forefront of Equestria's military. This was where all of the commander's quarters and important war rooms had been, the nerve center of Equestria's defense force. Since those days, it had been re-appropriated time and again, but once more found itself host to the Princesses, and the fore front of a war.

The guards were expecting me. The double doors into what was once a war room, then turned into a conference room, and was now once more a war room opened to me, and inside sat the Equestrian Triarchy.

Twilight Sparkle, Celestia, and Luna. The three Princesses turned their gazes to me. Under those eternal stares, I felt my strength flag a little, like I would be just as better served going through with my original plan. That I could walk out of there and retire, to live my life with Goldy back in Canterlot or here in Trottingham. That I'd retire from being a student, and maybe pick up a job curating a library somewhere.

The guilt and anguish of the past few days almost won.

But Goldy appeared at my side, her wing laying over my back. In her touch, I found all the strength I needed, and the shadows of doubt plaguing my mind fled to the darkest depths inside of me. Maybe some day they would return, and I'd find myself cowering and fearful before that monolith.

That day was not today. I squared myself opposite the three Princesses, even as another massive fireball erupted into existence outside. The windows into the interior of the city glowed with that unnatural light, and I found my shadow cast across the princesses. They looked at me, and I looked at them with confidence and resolution.

"Where do you need me?"