“This is so exciting!” said Pinkie. “I’ve never been inside a TV before!”

“We’re not inside the television, Pinkie,” said Twilight, rolling her eyes. “I keep telling you, this is just a filming studio.” The unicorn and her friends had traveled to New York to attend the day’s taping. They had gotten seats in the front row of the audience.

“Ah never heard of this Colbert fella before,” said Applejack. “Comedy Central ain’t on my channel lineup.”

“That’s because you only have the cheap package,” said Rainbow.

“Cable TV only came to Equestria a couple ‘a years ago,” Applejack reminded her. “Bet you don’t get much signal at all in Cloudsdale.”

Over Rainbow’s grumbling, Pinkie pointed a hoof. “There he is!”

Stephen Colbert walked out from backstage. The suit he wore was dark, with a medium blue shirt underneath and a striped tie. The muted colors were offset by the red band he wore on one wrist. His trademark glasses were present and polished. Beneath them, his dark eyes twinkled mischievously and he smiled when the audience erupted in applause.

Colbert raised his hands. “I know you’re all happy to see me, but keep that enthusiasm on a tight leash. You have to save some for the cameras. When the “on air” light comes on, I want you to be as excited as possible.” He did a little jig to show exactly how excited.

“Some improvements to his outfit could be made,” mused Rarity as she analyzed the man’s clothes, “but against this set, it’s hardly noticeable.”

The Colbert Report studio was a work of art. On the walls surrounding the stage were projection screens, with slick wood paneling filling in the rest of the space. It was a blend of modern and rustic that somehow managed to work. All the angles and geometery had been calculated to draw the eye to the center where the desk sat. It was shaped like the letter C and had been clad with lights and liquid crystal displays.

A technician helped Colbert get set up. A few lighting tests were run with him sitting at the desk.

When everything was ready, the producer ordered the show to begin. The intro music started and the video screens against the back wall displayed the animated clip that would be shown on TV.

On cue, the crowd broke into thunderous applause and cheering as the cameras went live and began panning around the set.

At his desk, Colbert smiled and waved. “Hello! Good evening and welcome to the Colbert Report!” He dropped the t's off the end of the last two words.

The crowd began chanting “Steph-en! Steph-en!”

Colbert tolerated it for a moment. “Thank you all. Glad you could make it.” The audience got the hint and quieted down.

The comedian cleared his throat and glanced at one of the cameras. “Tonight, on the Report: Food and you. Where you put it; what happens when it gets there.”

He whipped his head around to face another camera. “Obamacare? More like NObamacare! I'll be detailing the details on why this vital, much-needed health stimulus should fail.”

Turning back to face the audience, Colbert smiled an infectious grin. “And joining us tonight is Princess Celestia of Equestria!”

The audience applauded and cheered wildly. The pony leader had become well-known on Earth since the dimensional doorways between worlds had opened more than a decade earlier.

The covert Royal Guard sitting next to Twilight shifted a little. She knew that the security forces went a little crazy every time the Princess visited Earth. Other guards wearing the traditional armor were out of sight backstage.

Colbert launched into the show with his typical maniac energy. Rainbow leaned over to Twilight and whispered, “When does the Princess get here?”

“They usually bring the guest on after the second commercial break,” Twilight said.

“How long is that?”

Twilight didn’t answer, too preoccupied listening to the show. She didn’t keep up on matters of the U.S. government very well, and wanted to take the opportunity to learn, even if it was from a comedian.

Fluttershy squealed happily as Colbert took out a cute puppy to demonstrate how members of congress were chasing their tails and not getting anything done. The rest of the audience echoed her sentiments.

Colbert continued to stroke the puppy until the commercial break. He got up from behind his desk and let a few people in the front row of the audience pet it as the technicians adjusted a few things for the next scene. When it came time to resume filming, the puppy was handed off to a stage hand.

The music came up, and the show resumed. Colbert started talking about some new Liberal conspiracy that may have involved either Bernie Madoff or Snoop Dogg. Sensing that she wouldn’t learn much of value, Twilight let her mind wander just a little.

She didn’t know exactly what the Princess would be discussing. A bare outline of the interview had been sent to Celestia several days before. Twilight had seen it while the ponies had been on the airplane to New York. Even if watching the Report wasn’t her cup of tea, accepting the invitation was worth it just for a ride in Celestia’s private jet.

Colbert finished up the segment and the cameras went dark again. A stage technician led the Princess from backstage over to the interview area located to the right of Colbert’s desk. As she came into view, the audience applauded. She responded with a nod and a dazzling smile.

Celestia’s stature was larger than that of Twilight and her friends. A normal seat wouldn’t cut it, so a compact settee had been brought out for her to lounge on. The lights and cameras had already been calibrated to accommodate for her pale coat and flowing pastel mane.

Once she was situated, the music played once more and the cameras focused on Colbert at his desk.

“Welcome back! With us tonight is an accomplished statespony, the leader of Equestria, Princess Celestia!” He jumped up from his chair and scurried the short distance over to the interview table.

Colbert settled into his seat across from Celestia as the applause died down.

“Thank you so much for coming,” he said.

“It’s my pleasure.”

“I have to say, you’re the first Princess I’ve ever had on the show. How’s that working out for you?”

“Running a country takes effort. Every day is something new,” answered Celestia modestly.

Colbert nodded. “Well enough about you, let’s talk about the rest of the universe.”

The guard next to Twilight seemed irritated. While she knew that it was Colbert’s job to insult heads of state for comedy, the stallion might not. Celestia wouldn’t have agreed to be on the show if she couldn’t take a joke.

“How are the diplomatic talks with the United Nations going?” asked Colbert.

“I believe good progress has been made,” said Celestia.

“Is that like okay-good or great-good?”

“It’s as good as you’d like it to be, and gradually getting better.”

“What if I’d like it to be a joygasm?” he asked with a straight face.

Celestia shrugged. “What you do in your spare time is your own business.” The crowd erupted in laughter.

Colbert couldn’t help but crack a conservative smile, which he pointed out. “I’m even smiling conservatively. No liberal emotions here.” He shuffled the blue pages his notes were printed on. “So where do you see dimensional politics five years from now?”

“I think Equestria will become a larger influence on the affairs of both worlds.”

“Large and in charge, huh?”

“That’s not exactly the expression we use.”

“Oh really? What do you call it?” Colbert leaned forward, eager to hear what the Princess would say.

“We use the phrase, ‘spreading love and tolerance to all corners of the universe’.”

“Is that code for 'conquer new places and build your empire'?” said Colbert, accusingly.

“Oh no, just visiting. We’re boldly going where nopony has gone before.”

There were a few laughs at the reference to Star Trek. Colbert asked, “So I take it you watch a lot of TV?”

“Well, only select programs, preferably with some informational content. Some seem a bit idiotic and lowbrow, although I think they mean well.”

“I have news for you,” said the comedian. “Here on the Colbert Report, we are the most well-intentioned, poorly informed, high-status idiots on television.” The audience cheered.

“I don’t doubt that," said the Princess, smiling. With more than a thousand years of experience, she had a comeback for nearly anything.

“Getting back to foreign policy,” said Colbert, “what would you say is the biggest challenge in communicating with Earth leaders?”

“Probably species. Some are so concerned about our differences that they can’t see the similarities.”

“Either that or they’re blinded by how cute you are,” said Colbert. “Seriously, you look amazing for your age.”

“Thank you.”

“Oh, and I’ve been meaning to ask you something. Where can I get my own little ponies?”

“Well, it starts out when a mommy pony and a daddy pony…actually, I think you might be a bit young for this talk, Stephen.” Celestia smirked.

Colbert’s reply was drowned out by the crowd roaring with laughter. When they calmed down, he nodded seriously and a faraway look came to his eyes. “It’s true. I lied about my age to enlist in the News Anchor Corps of America. I saw things there that no young boy should ever see.”

Snapping his gaze back to Celestia, Colbert said, “But it’s all right now. I hardly ever have flashbacks." He shuffled his notes. “Moving on. You’ve become a bit of a celebrity here on Earth. How does that affect the internal affairs of Equestria?”

“I admit that having a whole other dimension to coordinate with does leave less time for matters at home. My sister and I are doing our best, however, and we have ambassadors and local leaders to assist us.”

“Well, I promise to support you as long as it’s the cool thing to do,” said Colbert. He raised one finger. “I have just one more question for you.”

He pointed at her dramatically. “How do you get your mane to look so fabulous?”

“I could teach you, but mixing magic and political commentary is rarely a good idea.”

Amid the laughter and applause of the crowd, Colbert stood up, bumping the pony leader's outstretched hoof with his fist. “Princess Celestia, everyone! Thank you, and good night!”

Author note:
If you’re a regular reader of my stuff, please note that this story is only loosely based on anything else I’ve written and shouldn’t be treated as part of the series.

Thanks for reading.