“Are we getting a turn because of the pasta?” Lyra said. “That must be what it was.”

“It’s because you won’t get a job.”

“You missed a great chance to swear before ‘job’.”

“I’m Octavia.”

“Right. I keep forgetting. So it’s because I’m not fancy like I was before, isn’t it?”

“That has been a problem recently, but the reason I’m ending my relationship with you and kicking you out of my house, at least until you fulfil my demand, is because I don’t want to pay for your food anymore.”

“Oh, so just because I don’t have a job and you’re giving me free living space and food... well, okay, I get it, I’ll get a job. But where am I going to sleep tonight?”

“That’s not my problem.”

“You’re seriously going to let me sleep just... wherever? Wait, how much money have I still kept from the sweet shop days?”

“A large negative amount, counting all the food I’ve bought you.”

“Fine, I don’t need it anyway. I’m tough. I can sleep anywhere. How do I get food and water?”

“That’s not my problem.”

“Maybe I can ask Scootaloo. In fact, I bet we’ll end up living together on the same street corner until we eventually die of frostbite.”

“Stop trying to make me feel guilty about this, you need a job.”

“I’m going to die of frostbite and it’ll be your fault.”

“Nopony has died of frostbite since global warming began.”

“Frostbite!”

“Go outside and don’t come back until you can eat on your own money.”

“Are you going to start charging me rent?”

“No.”

“Okay.” Octavia continued to look at her. “I love you.”

“Go outside.”

“Okay. See you at my funeral when I’ve died of frostbite.”

“If Scootaloo is still alive, you’ll be fine.”

“Do you want that to be the last thing you say to me?”

“I would prefer it to be something meta or self-referential. Something like ‘this is the last thing I said to Lyra’.”

“Goodbye.”

Lyra dramatically walked away to the cold, windy world of outside.

“Now, where am I going to find this job? Will Bon Bon still hate me? Does she hate me? I broke up with her. I guess the only way to find out is to communicate with her. That sounds like it’ll be of polar quality.”

And so she went to Bon Bon’s sweet shop, Bon Bon’s Sweet Shop.

“Lyra?” Bon Bon said with equal amounts happiness and confused surprise.

“Bon Bon, there’s—”

“Lyra!” She ran from behind the counter and prostrated herself before her. “I’m so sorry about how I mean I was to you—”

“I’ve heard everything you’re going to say in your many emails, now listen.”

“But this is the first time I’ve seen you in years. None of my schemes ever worked.”

Bon Bon stood behind the fence, still waiting. “Maybe this will be the day she visits him.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing. Look, Octavia isn’t letting me live with her anymore unless I get a job, so... can I have my job back?”

Bon Bon stood up from excitement. “So I can spend twelve hours a day with you?”

“Fuck, I didn’t think about that.”

“You’ll be away from her any—”

“I know, I meant you. Still, if my only other option is to put effort into the job search....”

“So you’ll work here again?”

“Sure.”

“YaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAYYYYYYYY!” She hugged Lyra. “So this is how it’ll be for the foreseeable rest of time?”

“Yes.”

“This is great! I know there are a lot of things I need to explain—”

“Even after all the emails?”

“Yes.”

“You know, our problem was pretty simple.”

“It was not. Come on, get behind the counter in case somepony comes.”

They got behind the counter. Bon Bon’s heart melted at the memories, a tragic death.

“Do the cameras have to be here for this?” Bon Bon said.

“Yes.”

“I never agreed to be in this....”

“Look, Applejack and Rainbow Dash have sex in front the cameraponies—”

“Wait, stop there. What was that about them?”

“I said they have... Chex in front of the cameraponies. You know, the cereal. It’s a sponsorship deal. Isn’t that embarrassing? So you should be fine with this.”

“I guess I get what you’re saying, but—”

“You wanted to explain some things? I’ll listen if it’s recorded.”

“Okay.” She took a deep breath. “The reason I started acting like I did towards you is because... well, there were a few reasons.”

“That’s weird, in the emails you were just kissing my arse all the time.”

“That’s not how I meant it. So, um, one reason was because of all the little jokes you started making at me. I told you I didn’t like that kind of thing I don’t know how many times, so I guess I thought you deserved a little general abrasiveness from me. I was the wrong one, what you said was true and I just couldn’t take criticism, so just don’t think I’m trying to justify it. Another thing was you started getting more... proper. I liked it when you were more laid-back. And the way you were doing it, it felt like you were going to criticise me for everything I did, which you did. I told you I didn’t like that kind of thing I don’t know how many times—”

“Bon Bon?”

“Let me finish. So I guess I thought you deserved—”

“You’re in a loop.”

“What?” She went over what she said in her head. “Oh. Thanks.”

“So is it wrong that I want to be sophisticated and proper?”

“It’s fine, but it’s not my type. And it was no reason to start avoiding you. I could’ve just said something.”

“It didn’t feel like you were avoiding me when we were having romantic partner arguments.”

“I know. So... there are other things, obviously, I’ll get to those, but first I really want to ask you something. Working here, will you be able to be friends with me? Because you hated me when we broke up....”

“I’ll try.”

“Okay. I just thought about that... so, moving on, you were also helping a lot less even—”

There was a ring as the promising young stallion Consumery walked through the doorway.

“Welcome to Bon—” Bon Bon said.

“Holy shit, Lyra’s back!”

“Yeah, she’s—”

“Are you back together?!”

“No, she’s just working here.”

“Lyra, I can’t believe you’re working here again! How did this happen?”

“Octavia told me to get a job, so I did.”

“Holy Faust, you’re back!”

“Yep. So there’s that aisle over there and there and there if you want to buy any sweets....”

“I will, I just... it’s been forever!”

“It couldn’t’ve been longer than 4.4—”

“I’m gonna post this on every social network I’m on.”

“Buy some sweets.”

“Fine.” He went into their pick ‘n’ mix aisle, locally renowned for its dense, chewy candy shaped like triangular, square, and hexagonal prisms.

“Lyra?”

“Yes?”

“Are you sure we can’t try again?”

“Yes.”

“But I’m not mean anymore. And I didn’t change into a completely different pony like you did.”

“I know, but I realise now that I settled for you.”

“So you regret ever being my girlfriend?”

“Deeply.”

“I don’t feel that way about you....”

“It’s true.”

She looked at the counter. “I can’t cry in the middle of the day.”

“This only takes one pony.”

She ran upstairs. With that done, there was only one thing left to air: Lyra telling Octavia she had a job.

“I’m pretty sure Octavia knows she has a job,” Lyra said.

After several hours of skipped-over work, during which much more lazy telling was had with Bon Bon, Lyra went back to Octavia’s house. Lyra gave her door a solid knocking.

“Hello, Lyra,” Octavia said. “Crawling back to me already?”

“I got my job at Bon Bon’s sweet shop back.”

“Honestly, I was hoping you would have to spend at least one night homeless, but I’ll stand by what I said. Come in.”

Lyra came in. They had a long, boring conversation, but I know you don’t like to read those.

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