“They take the bell now,” said the commentator. It was the second race of the CEC Zone Race Flying Championship, more precisely the mares’ championship, taking place at the same venue as the first but on the oval instead of the road course. “Dash in first, Sokol second, Star third in line. After multiple failures from others, this breakaway has unsurprisingly proven the true one that produces the top results. They come out of the south turn now, and still nopony wants to make a break for it.”

The Apples, the members of Sugarcube Corner, even Twilight and Fluttershy watched anxiously. It had been a fairly exciting race, but that didn’t matter even to those who even liked the sport; all they wanted to watch was Rainbow Dash winning.

“Out of the final corner now, and Sokol pulls out of the slipstream. Star tries to come with, but she’s got nothing left. Sokol gaining, and at this rate it just may end up a tie. Here they come side-by-side across the line, and it’s Rainbow Dash who takes her first ever senior victory. Sokol second, she just barely ran out of straight, the now former championship leader Star in third.”

The half of Equestria who were watching cheered for their hero. Shooting Star was also Equestrian, but she hadn’t saved the world or become successful in an international series before she was even able to vote, and so Rainbow Dash was the one with the massive fandom. She took in the cheering and acknowledged the crowd as she tried to let what she had just done sink in, and many hoof pumps were had on the back straight as she partially succeeded at the task she had just set for herself before she fly-sauntered into the technical area.

Rainbow celebrated, everyone was happy, and it was all somewhat predictable. What she wasn’t prepared for was what would happen when she came back to Ponyville. The first order of business was visiting Applejack, who tackled her immediately after she got the door.

“You are the greatest pony on this planet, minimum.”

“Do you know what’s with the riot in the streets of Ponyville?”

“There ain’t a rahot. Last tahme Ah checked, anyway. Pinkie Pah decahded that your victory called for a huge party.”

“I can’t say I’m surprised. I guess I should go?”

“Only if you lahke hundreds ah ponies worshippin’ you.”

“I’m pretty sure I do. So you won’t be there?”

“You be here at sundown.”

“Gotcha.”

Rainbow figured that Pinkie Pie would be a good place to start, and she was right outside Sugarcube Corner, her attempts to flag her down indistinguishable from the waving of all the other ponies outside.

“Rainbow Dash, you need to be at the announcement place.”

“The announcement place?”

“You know, where The Mayor makes announcements. You go now, I’ll be there.”

She went to the public announcement stage, where a crowd of a few hundred ponies and counting were waiting for her. They cheered as she made her way there, and when she landed, applauded up a massive cloud of dust that resulted in several ponies coughing.

“So I guess I should say something....” They all cheered. “I’m flattered so many ponies would come out here just to see me, even if most of you are probably from here. It is just a barely higher than entry-level series, after all....”

They all cheered. To stall for time before Pinkie Pie came and hopefully told her what to do again, she talked about how the race went, telling her story in an excessive level of detail considering her audience. Eventually Pinkie Pie did come up on the stage.

“Oh, hey. You got somethin’ to say?”

“You see the buffet tables over there? You need to get something.”

“Why?”

“You’re the guest of worship, so you get the first pass at all the food. Some of us are getting really hungry.”

“You didn’t tell me about that.”

“Well, get something.”

“But I didn’t finish my recounting of my race.”

“Can’t you see how hard they’re trying not to be bored? Come on, show everypony what party foods you really like.”

She went to one end of the line of tables and started off, the crowd watching her every move, fascinated as to how she held her plate and the utensils with hooves so effortlessly. No matter what physical task she did, whether it was strength or balance, she couldn’t help but be amazing at it. After she made it all the way down, as there were several dozen things to have, it was clear that she really liked pasta salad, and therefore all forms of it would be gone before everyone even got a chance to copy her.

There were many tables scattered about, but the instant she took a seat, Pinkie Pie appeared in her peripheral vision.

“On the stage. There’s a special table for you.”

“What? Oh. That wasn’t there before.”

“Go there. You’re too good for the ordinary tables.”

She left her plastic table with umbrella, umbrella removed, and went back to the stage, where there was a nice wooden table for one with a pinkish purple tablecloth. Set on the table to go along with her paper plate and baked beans was a wine glass with her favourite beverage, a punch that mixed eight different fruits but which tasted most strongly of watermelon, apple, and strawberries. It was also slightly carbonated.She put her food down, took the single mahogany seat, and awkwardly looked at the crowd as they all watched for her next move, then got back up to say something.

“Look... I’m not actually hungry. I just did this so you could all get food.” The crowd cheered. “So let’s see... what would you all like right now....”

A hundred different suggestions were screamed to her, and it was clear that she would have to come up with something herself. She tried to ignore all the noise and think of something that involved her that any one of them would love to do today. Not necessarily any other day, just this one day where everyone, whether or not they were a fan of race flying or saving the world, was almost singlemindedly obsessed with her.

“Okay, here’s the deal. I’m going to go to every table and you’ll all have thirty seconds to tell me how cool you are. If I’m convinced, your table or somepony in it goes on to the next round. I’ll tell you the ultimate prize later, if me picking you out for something doesn’t count.”

Armed with Pinkie Pie’s phone for the timing and Pinkie Pie’s phone for putting the names of the winners down, she went on the hour-long search for the greatest pony in that party who she didn’t already know. Most of them were completely boring, a few were okay, a few were certainly not boring but seemed like terrible ponies, and in the end only fifteen were deemed to be worth ever interacting with again. As she read their names to the crowd, one by one they came on stage to the cheering of their peers.

“And the final pony is Red Alert.” The crowd cheered as she ran up to the stage. “Now that we have our qualifiers, I’ll explain the next round once I come up with it. Right now, you can all finally get food. But they get to go first.”

They all finally got food, and someone who wasn’t Rainbow Dash or one of the party’s organisers just assumed she could come up on the stage.

“Hi, Rainbow Dash!”

“You can’t be here, Twilight. They might gather that we have a special connection.” She noticed the microphone was still picking her up. “Which would be awkward, since we don’t.”

“Fine. I just wanted to tell you how awesome you are. I guess I’ll see you later.”

“No, I mean specifically right here.” She jumped off the stage. “Here is fine.”

“Oh, okay.” She followed. “You’re amazing.”

“It’s a really low series. I’m nothing to get excited over yet.”

“Hey, we got excited when Pinkie Pie won that town bake-off in Vitany. You won an international athletic event.”

“I guess. Maybe I’m so used to being awesome I don’t even notice it anymore.”

“Maybe. So will you win us the entire series now?”

“I don’t wanna say anything yet. It’s been two races, and Shooting Star’s been taking all the tracks on for years longer than I have, and doing it well. This is the first year I’m competent, so I could prove myself to suck at any time.”

“Well, you’ll win, because you’re Rainbow Dash.”

“That’s what I thought in my first year in the series, and you know how that went.”

“Yeah, but now you’re a confirmed winner, so it’s going to happen.”

“I mean, I’m glad you’re so confident in me....”

“You’re going to win every race and make her cry. So when are... oh, right, we can’t do that. Can I literally kiss your hooves tonight after the party?”

“I already told AJ I’d be with her.”

She stamped the ground. “When is that dirty, classless country pony going to kill Rarity and commit suicide?”

“Never.”

She groaned. “That’s not what I was hoping to hear.”

After effectively having lunch, the fifteen chosen were back on stage, separated by species. In front the earth ponies were four ropes with nine knots each, and in front of the unicorns was a Flitha brand flying disc.

“Attention, partiers,” Rainbow said. “I will now explain the second round. The six unicorns will each get one levitation-throw of that Flitha, the furthest three moving on to the next round. The five pegasi will race to the lake in the park in Sparkstown, where they’ll be given an anklet to take back. The first three back here will move on. The four earth ponies each have one rope with nine knots to untie, and the first two to finish go on. First up, we’ll have the unicorns.”

Since the vast majority of the throwing competition was a pony walking with a trundle, the time was filled with various ponies coming up on stage and gushing about Rainbow Dash. From Twilight to any Wonderbolt, anyone even locally famous was eligible, and it lasted until Rainbow pushed a shopkeeper aside in the middle of her speech.

“We have the results of the Flitha contest!” The crowd cheered for that and cheered three more times for the names of the top three. “Now on to the next contest. Ready, pegasi?”

“Yeah!” four of them said.

“Go!” They all went off north. “Ready, earth ponies?”

“Sure,” one of them said.

“Go!”

Rainbow stepped aside and the shopkeeper continued her speech. One of the ponies was particularly good at untying and did the task effortlessly, the other three being massive failures, taking longer than the last pegasus to return. One of them did relatively get the hang of it halfway through, finishing with a total time of just over three minutes per knot. Another shopkeeper was pushed out of the way to announce the final eight.

“So there you have it,” Rainbow said, “They’ll be going into round three once I come up with it. Until then, enjoy the speeches.”

“Round three is pretty simple: everypony will be matched up based on how long their names are, with the longest taking on the shortest up to the two with the middle lengths going against each other. First pony to pin the other one facedown on the stage for six seconds wins. No magic or flying will be allowed, even if the other pony can do it. The first match will be Divine Serving of Noodles Made for the Specific Purpose of Being Sacrificed to a Volcano against Tin.”

The matches were held to the constant cheering of the crowd. Except for one where the two ponies stood on their hind legs and held each other for minutes, like how freestyle wrestling matches were supposed to go, they all ended with one quick tackle.

“Right, here are the winners. You just saw Cabbage Patch possibly being killed by The Crushinator, and the other three are Double-Time, Lavender, and Divine Serving of Noodles Made for the Specific Purpose of Being Sacrificed to a Volcano. What do your friends call you, Divine Serving of Noodles Made for the Specific Purpose of Being Sacrificed to a Volcano?”

“Divine Noodles.”

“That still sounds like a full name.”

“Perhaps, but it’s what ponies say.”

“Anyway, the fourth round will begin in a few minutes. The seven of you who are conscious can do whatever until I call you back up. You can all enjoy some more speeches.”

Twilight, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Spike were all at one table, mostly listening to Pinkie Pie’s awful customer stories.

“So then I was like ‘that promotion ended a year ago and then I literally ate all the cupcakes, so no’, and then he mentioned the coupon again, so I’m like ‘it doesn’t matter if you still have the coupon that, by the way, clearly states right there the end date that’s over a year ago’, except less ranty, so he said the typical thing about losing a sale and left.”

“Seems pretty simple compared to some of the ponies,” Twilight said.

“Yeah, but he didn’t come to understand, he just gave up. I like it when they realise why they’re wrong and apologise.”

“Yes, I’ve gathered that from the previous ninety-three rants.”

“Look at the pony up there right now,” Spike said. “She’s actually crying.”

“Oh, wow,” Twilight said. “Have I seen her before?”

“I certainly haven’t.”

“Well, of course you haven’t, you spend your whole life in a fucking tree. I just wonder what makes her that emotional.”

“Remaining ponies come up for round four. This will be a quiz round about things only ponies with an unhealthy obsession with me would know.” She waited as they came back on the stage. “First two to get something right move on to the final round. First question: where did I finish in my first race in an official series ever?”

“Eighth,” Double-Time said, rolling her eyes.

“You’re in the final!” The crowd cheered. “Next question: what’s my favourite negative number?”

No one knew, and it took several questions until the next answer.

“When I did my first commercial after saving the world—well, my first one at all—what programme was it interrupting?”

“Oh, I know!” Lavender said. “It was Tales of the Red Plains.”

“That’s wrong. Anypony else have a guess?”

It took several questions until the next correct answer.

“In my first race in an official series ever, who won?”

“Oh, I know!” Lavender said for the fifth time. “Cumulus Congestus!”

“That’s... right.” The crowd cheered. “We have our finalists!”

“I feel pretty bad for the pony who goes to all that trouble and doesn’t win,” Pinkie said.

“Yeah,” Twilight said. “Especially if the prize is actually good.”

“Did you know any of the questions?”

“Some of them. I think I would still be in the contest, honestly. Rainbow Dash liking me, check. Powerful levitation, check. Wrestling... not sure. And Rainbow Dash trivia, check.”

“You know, Applejack would be really good at this. It’s almost like she wants to find somepony similar to her. Am I analysing it too much?”

“Definitely yes.”

“Finalists, please come to the stage.” To the cheering of the crowd, they came up for the last time. Double-Time, a white mare with a grey mane and tail and a cutie mark with one digit 4 above another, and Lavender, a lavender mare with a white mane and tail and a cutie mark of a bar of soap, waited in excitement and fear for the final challenge. What wasn’t there before was the same unicorn who used the trundle and a crate with a pocket switchblade on it.

“Each of you sit at opposite sides of this crate.” They did. “The challenge is simple: the first to take the knife and stab themself in the leg down to the handle wins. You’ll have thirty seconds to bleed and scream in pain, then this pony will take you to Zecora. After you stab yourself, you can take the knife out any time you want, or not. The challenge starts now.”

Double-Time rubbed her hooves together and took a heavy breath. Lavender put her hoof next to the knife, but didn’t take it. They made eye contact for a moment, then looked back to the knife. As Double-Time took another deep breath, Lavender took the knife and put it in her leg. She screamed to the cheering of the crowd and took it out after a few seconds. “You can ask to go to Zecora early at any time, but you lose,” Rainbow said. Whether Lavender could hear it over her own screaming, only she was sure, but she did last a very slow thirty seconds.

“She’s good,” said the unicorn as she looked at a stopwatch, eliciting another cheer. She went away with the victor.

“And that’s it! The prize will be revealed once she gets back. For now, you can all congratulate or make fun of Double-Time.”

“What an easy challenge,” Twilight said. “I’ve had way worse on some of my adventures.”

“It’d be hard for me,” Pinkie said. “What about you, Spike?”

“Twilight’s done more painful things to me than that. And like, you know you’re going right to Zecora afterward.”

“Fluttershy? Will you back me up?”

“Yes. I wonder why she’d want a pony who she clearly likes to do this to herself....”

“Do you even live in central Equestria, Fluttershy?” Twilight said. “Sometimes I wonder.”

A much happier Lavender was delivered back to the stage to much cheering.

“Welcome back, Lavender. You wanna know your prize?”

“Of course!”

“I’ll tell you the time later, but tomorrow night, you’ll meet me at Chez Aliment.”

“I... do I really....”

“Yes. Now go to your table, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Not wanting to waste one second, she flew back to her table. With the contest finished, everyone looked and waited for Rainbow’s next word.

“Er... I don’t have much to say apart from my race. That’s why I’ve let other ponies handle this. If you want to worship me, just get down and do it, I’ll be sitting here for a while.”

A few ponies got on the ground to look at her as she ate party food. A few minutes later, just when everyone was settled in talking with their own table or staring at her, she got back up and took the microphone.

“I’ll now be taking questions. If anypony wants to ask me something about my life, my opinions, or whatever, line up in front of me. That mat you may have seen whatever that pony’s name is put down is the end of the line.”

The question period wasn’t over by sunset.

“Okay, this is the last question, then the party’s over because it’s dark. The rest of you, you didn’t barge your way to the mat hard enough. Now what’s your question?”

“Have you tried new Orange Tsunami—”

“Next.”

Two ponies pushed him down, then the unicorn of the two began to charge a spell. The earth pony slapped her repeatedly, but her concentration wasn’t broken, and the earth pony’s slaps suddenly became slower before she fell asleep. “Who’s your favourite contestant from Carnival Game Mansion?”

“I’ve never watched that show. That concludes the party.”

She immediately went off for Sweet Apple Acres. However, all they did was have sex for hours on end like every other time they met. Next Chapter: Chapter 65: A Minor Inconvenience Estimated time remaining: 12 Hours, 44 Minutes