Winter solstice was a week away, and it was three degrees out. It was a fairly cloudy day, with Rainbow Dash lying on one of the larger clouds, having drifted ten kilometres away from Ponyville since she set hoof on it. She was wearing a tangerine coat, which apart from being tasty had slits for her wings, one of several solutions for pegasus coats.

She tore off a hoofful of the cloud. “I wonder what these taste like,” she said. It had always tempted her—it would be so easy—but much like no one knew what dirt tasted like, no one knew how clouds were. But what could go wrong? It was just water, plus the tricarbon hydrostyroxide gel foam that made it solid but still allowed it to float. The idea of eating cloud drifted into her head from time to time, but until now, she had never gone as far as actually taking a bit with the intention of eating it. After taking a few minutes to decide, she threw it out of reach. “I’ll ask Twilight if I can do it.”

Hours later, it was near sunset, and it was time for a trip to Sweet Apple Acres entirely unrelated to trying new non-foods. All three of them had finally agreed on a date and time for Rainbow to “see Applejack and Big Mac have sex”, so that the lie Applejack continued to hold up for the sake of a lame joke could end, and it was not long after now. She punched through the cloud, and it instantly became apparent that it had been travelling more quickly than she had thought.

“Um... crap, where is this?” About half an hour ago, she had crossed into a different province. “Well, I guess go opposite to the clouds....”

Applejack got the door.

“Hi, I know I’m late.”

“Tell me about it.”

“I was on a cloud and—”

“Well, we’re still willin’ to show you.”

“But it was getting dark—”

“Yep, excitin’.”

“You don’t care?”

“You’re really late so Ah’m mad at you. Is it that hard?”

“Just let me finish a—”

“Anyway, Ah’ll feel better when we show you. Come on.”

They went up to Applejack’s room, where Big Mac awaited. Applejack closed and locked the door behind them and went across the room.

“You ready, Rainbow?” Applejack said.

“Ready to be right.”

Applejack and Big Mac tongue-kissed for a few seconds.

“You can give up now.”

“Uh... wow... okay, that was really gross, but I could see you training for it. No wonder it took so long to agree on a date, you were preparing for this.”

“That was real.”

“I admit I’m surprised by how far you’re taking this, but you don’t actually have sex.”

Big Mac sat with his back to the bed and Applejack got on the floor. “It’s gonna happen.”

“Yep. Go for it.”

“You don’t have to see this.”

“Well, it doesn’t happen, so that works out nicely.”

Applejack put both hooves on his penis, and Rainbow suddenly felt very uncomfortable. She then pulled down the foreskin partway and licked the head, and that was enough.

“Okay, fuck, I believe you!”

They both got up. Applejack had a smug smirk, and Big Mac looked very neutral, as if this was something they did every other day. “Don’t you go tellin’ anypony.”

“I won’t, I won’t. Fuck. You two are fucked up.”

“Yep. Flah along now. Or stay here for the naht. Whichever.”

“I don’t want to be near you right now.” She went down the stairs, went outside, went inside, and went up the stairs. “It’s too dark.”

“You wanna stay with me?”

“Not really, but I don’t have much of a choice.”

“You could sleep on the couch.”

“Well, obviously. Would we share a bed?”

“Er... ah course not. Silly me.”

And so everyone #sleptwithconfidence. What? You don’t get it? Oh yeah, it was, like, this big thing back when it aired. Yeah, it’s really dated it now. Next Chapter: Chapter 34: Periwinkle Estimated time remaining: 16 Hours, 46 Minutes