It was a dark and snowstormy night in Ponyville, and Twilight was arguing on a forum about copyright-friendly Harry Potter. Or was it pancakes? No, it was the first thing. Now, I know what you’re thinking: Rainbow Dash arrives, dialogue then sex ensues. Well, that’s what Twilight thought too when she heard the door being knocked.

“Zed oh em jay,” Twilight said, “That’s probably Rainbow!”

Twilight ran eagerly to the door and opened it to see Derpy Hooves. Immediately after she opened the door, a wind picked up which blew a bunch of snow onto her and into the house. She took the envelope from Derpy’s mouth.

“Thank you,” Twilight said for a change.

Derpy Hooves then went off to somewhere else.

Twilight closed the door, tore the envelope with magic, and found an advertisement.

“Come to Forest Frontiers,” she read to herself, “Featuring Roller Coaster 1. Also, the shuttle loop shouldn’t kill ponies anymore. 40 Forest Drive, FrontierVille, Ponyprovince.” She was going to throw it out, then realised magically burning it would be more fun. She was also about to do it inside until she realised that burning things inside a treehouse was a bad idea, so she went outside, lit it, and watched as it undramatically burned in midair. It wasn’t as cool as she had hoped and she went back inside wondering what to do. For the sake of lines, she decided to go to that room where a television could fit to talk with Spike. The first thing she noticed was that Spike looked vaguely unhappy, and the second thing she was noticed was that he was wearing a pancake on his head.

“Spike?” Twilight said. “I have a couple of questions.”

“Yeah?”

“First, where did you get that pancake?”

“What pancake?”

“The one you’re wearing like a hat.”

“Huh?” Spike grabbed the pancake. “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I mean I don’t. Know.”

“How do you not know how you got a pancake on your head?”

“I don’t know.”

“Anyway, my other question is that you seem a little unhappy.”

“The news made me sad.”

“Why were you watching the news? You’re Spike.”

“I can’t find the remote.”

“Did you check in the pillows?”

“Of course I checked under—”

“No, in the pillows.”

Spike unzipped one of the two pillows on the couch. He reached aimlessly into it, which didn’t look sexual at all, and after a couple seconds felt something remote-like. He pulled it out to find that it was, in fact, a remote.

“Why was it in a pillow?” Spike said.

“For the same reason you had a pancake on your head.” Twilight levitated the pancake out of Spike’s hand. “I’m going to burn this outside.”

“Why?”

“It’ll be fun.”

“Why?”

“Okay, I can tell where this is going.”

“Why?”

Twilight left the room.

“Why?”

Because... wait, you can’t read this from there!

“Why?”

“Are you just saying ‘why’ at random but conveniently lucky intervals?” transcriber #26 said.

“Yeah.”

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash was flying in some wintry clothes.

“Is that a floating fire next to the treehouse?” she thought. “Oh, there’s Twilight. Now it makes sense. You know, it’s cold and I’m not having fun, I should go over there.”

Rainbow landed reasonably next to her.

“zomg Rainbow!”

“Hi. Hey, is there anything you get excited about anymore besides me randomly showing up at your house and demanding sex?”

“I have a life outside of you. I read stuff.”

“And?”

“And we’ve been over this before. Your life outside of sex is just flying.”

“Fair enough. What was with that fire?”

“Just burning a pancake.”

“Why...?”

“Because I needed to dispose of it somehow.”

“Okay, then why didn’t you just throw it away?”

“Because burning things is more fun.”

“Sure. Anyway, should we go inside?”

“Unless you want to fuck in -5° weather.”

They went on in, only to be stopped by the sudden nonexistence of the universe. Wait, that didn’t happen. Not that it matters when the universe will eventually be one giant black hole anyway.

“Do you feel like taking off your clothes?” Twilight said.

“Can I wait at least a minute?”

“Well, what am I supposed to do for a minute?”

“What were you doing before I got here?”

“Arguing on the Internet.”

“You realise that nopony’ll actually change their view, so there’s really no point.”

“Yeah, it’s a circular thing.”

“What? Like circular logic? A vicious cycle? Whatever the opposite of a symbiotic relationship is called? None of those really....”

“There’s no point.”

“Twilight?”

“What?”

Rainbow punched her in the cheek.

“Ow! That wasn’t like a friendly little slap, that was like a coarse, moderate punch.”

“Well, don’t make bad puns.”

“Don’t physically abuse your girlfriend.”

“I think we should break up.”

“So do I.”

Rainbow turned around and got tackled by Twilight.

“Don’t leave me,” Twilight said.

“Get off me.”

Twilight got off her, allowing her to stand up.

“Thank you,” Rainbow said.

“Did you just say that?”

“Uh... yes?”

“In a place where nopony says stuff like that, you say something like that?”

“Sorry?”

“Don’t say that.”

“I’m just trying to be polite....”

“It wasn’t even your fault. I was the one who caused it.”

“I’m just trying to be polite....”

“It wasn’t even—”

Three hours later...

“I’m just... try...” Rainbow fell asleep.

“I wanna... watch her... but also... sex...” Twilight said before falling asleep.

One hour later...

“Hi, Twilight...” Rainbow said.

“Wanna wake up a bit and then have sex and then fall asleep again...?”

“Fuck yeah....”

After some waking up which involved soft music, dull films, and soporifics, the Twidash pair were ready for action in at least three senses of the word. They made it halfway to the bedroom only for Rainbow to trip on a book. No, not really. I mean, first Twilight or Spike has to leave a book randomly on the floor, which they’re not going to do, then Rainbow Dash has to trip. But they made it to the bedroom to see that Spike was there rearranging some books.

“Spike?” Twilight said.

Spike turned around to see them. “Oh.” He scurried out of the room.

“You know,” Rainbow said, “He’s said he won’t be traumatised.”

“I know, but we still want privacy, right?”

Rainbow pointed at one of the three cameras currently in the room.

“Still, when somepony’s in the room with us... I don’t know, I guess it’s just me.”

They both laid on Twilight’s bed, which is perfectly possible, but what’s not perfectly possible is having sex on it.

“Wait a second,” Rainbow said, “We’re on your bed.”

“Crap in a litterbox, you’re right.”

They both went and laid on the floor instead.

“So what should we actually do?” Rainbow said.

“Have sex.”

“Well, I know that, but—”

“Yeah, I know. I don’t know what to do, you came here.”

“How would you come to me?”

“I don’t know.” Twilight sat against the side of the bed. “But lick my clitoris.”

“I don’t like extreme Urban Dictionary-level slang, but you don’t have to be like that.”

“You don’t like extreme Urban Dictionary-level slang?”

“Well, I fucking apologise.”

“I don’t know, it’s just... you’re Rainbow Dash.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Do I talk like that?”

“I’m sorry....”

“I’ll still do sexual things to you.”

“Thanks.”

So Rainbow started sexual things, leaving Twilight to come up with the closing lines.

“Um... here’s an end-of-chapter haiku. The chapter is done, I’m having sex with Rainbow, so nothing that strange.”

Twilight decided to focus on the fun clopfic times, so no talking besides “fuuuck” happened for the rest of the night.

Next Chapter: Chapter 155: Withstander: Corvidae Islands: Episode 9: Double-length Final Episode Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 50 Minutes