“Ah dunno,” Applejack said, “We just had a competitive thing. Can’t we have an Appledash scene?”

Knock-knock.

“Who’s there?” Applejack said.

No answer.

“Must be Fluttershah.” Applejack opened the door to find Derpy Hooves, who for whatever reason was holding a letter in her mouth. Well, an envelope, in any case. There was no way of telling if there was a letter inside. She took the envelope. “Thanks, Derpy.”

And so Derpy Hooves flew, literally, off to the next household.

Applejack opened the door and closed the envelope. Or maybe it was the other way, I don’t know. For whatever reason, there was a letter inside.

“Ø,” the letter said.

“What’s with all these weird letters Ah’ve been gettin’?” Applejack said to herself. “Ah guess it’s only been two, but still.”

She thought back to the eth she had received just last month. The door was knocked again, so she answered it.

“Hi, Rainbow!”

“That doesn’t work,” Apple Bloom said.

“Ah know....”

“Ah’m gonna keep writin’ Spike an’ me’s crappy fanfic.”

“‘Kay.”

They both went upstairs.

“Gragh!” Twilight said. “Spike!”

Spike came leftwards from collabing with Apple Bloom on a crappy fanfic to the... well, there’s no better word for it. “Kitchen”. “What?”

“I can’t get this jar open with hooves.”

Spike took the plastic white jar, which was marked “FOOD” in black, bold Arial, and tried to open it, having no success.

“Isn’t there some kind of magic you can use?”

“No. Now try again.”

He tried again with identical results.

“I think this might need a jar opener,” Spike said.

“But that’s going to set me back at least 500 bits.”

“Then we can try a butter knife, but I’m not sure how well it’ll work.”

Spike took a butter knife from the appropriate drawer and tried to knife the jar open.

“I don’t know, this one’s tough.”

“What else can we do? We can’t starve!”

“Hmm... maybe if we tell it to open.”

“Are you sure?”

“Hey, jar. Open.”

The jar stayed closed.

“Maybe if we ask it nicely,” Twilight said. “Hey, jar, would you be so kind as to open for us?”

The jar refused to open.

“OPEN YOU FUCKING PATHETIC PIECE OF PLASTIC!” Spike said, before taking the jar and angrily throwing it down onto the floor, causing the lid to come loose.

“It worked!” Twilight said.

“Can I go now?”

“Yeah, you can go.”

“Hmmm,” Rainbow said with exactly three Ms, “I wonder to what AJ is up.”

And so she flew there to see that orange pony she loved so much, Scootaloo.

“Scootaloo!” Rainbow said. She landed next to her. “To what are you up?”

“Trying to steal some apples.”

“Why, is subsisting on doughnuts not working for you anymore?”

“The place is too popular now and they’re actually selling out sometimes. I’m not getting my normal intake every day. And I know I’m breaking my streak of however old I am of not stealing stuff, but oh well.”

“If this involved stealing from somepony less awesome, then maybe I’d help you. Hey, that makes me think, maybe we can take some food from Rarity!”

“But that could also mean taking food from Sweetie Belle. And how do you expect to scam food off Rarity, anyway?”

“We could knock her out and leave with some food.”

“I don’t know, I don’t think assault is really moral enough for me. I can steal a fruit or two and live with myself, but harm is so... harmful.”

“Oh, come on! What’s so wrong about knocking Rarity out and stealing some of her food?”

“Did you hear what you just said?”

Rainbow repeated it back to herself. “You’re right, that does make me sound like I don’t have morals. Which sometimes I don’t, but you know.”

“You have morals.”

“Not all the time.”

“Then do something evil right now.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do?”

“There’s fruit to steal, an innocent filly to kick, a girlfriend to rape... there are always opportunities for evil if you look hard enough. Not that you have to look particularly hardly here.”

“Well, the problem with rape is you can either have fun rape, which isn’t that immoral, or gritty rape, which is way too immoral.”

“There’s fruit to steal....”

“Yeah, but that goes back to my point about Rarity. We need to steal from somepony who deserves it a bit more.”

“Diamond Tiara?”

“Yeah, but then you’re also stealing from Filthy.”

“But we don’t like him anyway, do we?”

“I don’t know, I’ll ask AJ.”

“Okay, but just ask the question and don’t get distracted and have fun Appledash times.”

“But that’s what I originally came here for.”

“Fine. I’ll wait here however long it takes.”

Knock-knock!

Applejack came downstairs. “Who’s there?”

“Your favourite girlfriend.”

Applejack opened the door. “You’re mah only girlfriend.”

“What about that one you had back a couple of years ago?”

“What are you talkin’ about?”

“I was hoping I would uncover something by saying that. It would’ve been like

‘What about that one you had back a couple of years ago?’

‘How do you know about that?!’

‘Because you told me.’

but I guess you haven’t been hiding anything from me.”

“Whah would Ah hahde somethin’ from you? Do you not trust me?”

“I trust you....”

Applejack slammed the door and almost immediately opened it again.

“Ah’m sorry. C’min.”

Rainbow came in. “There is a matter of which you should be informed....”

“Yeah?”

“I need you to tell me if I don’t like Filthy Rich or not.”

“What?”

“It’s complicated. You see...”

Rainbow summarised the previous paragraph.

“Ah see,” Applejack said. “So should Ah go outside?”

“I guess.”

“She’s having fun Appledash times, isn’t she?” Scootaloo said a few seconds before Applejack came out the door. “Hi.”

“You tron to steal some apples?”

“Yes.”

“Well, that’s okay, you’re Scootaloo.”

“Thanks for letting me steal from you, but I still have a problem.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m failing.”

“Well, Ah know that. You live on a street corner—”

“No, I mean at getting the apples.”

“Oh. Ah’ll buck some for ya.”

“Cool.”

Applejack retrieved a basket and bucked one tree’s worth of apples. They all fell perfectly into the basket. “Take as many as you want.”

Scootaloo was suspicious that this was all a test of her character and if she actually took more than two or three, something vague but gory would happen to her. She began eating.

“Ah’m gonna rape Rainbow,” Applejack said. “You have fun.”

“She wants sex, you can’t rape her.”

“Well, we’re havin’ sex, anyway.”

She ate an apple uneventfully. Afterwards, she ate another apple uneventfully. Let’s go over to Tom. Tom? ...Tom? Oh Faust, Tom! I can’t watch! Um, anyway, here’s some dialogue whilst we sort out the situation back at the studio.

“I love you,” Applejack said.

“I love you too,” Rainbow said. “Why did you suddenly say that? We don’t do that.”

“So that down the lahne when our relationship is strained an’ we’re arguin’ about whatever, you can’t say ‘when was the last tahme you said you love me’.”

“Why would our relationship ever be strained?”

“It could happen.”

“I would never stop loving you, no matter what you did. And yes, even if you went on a killing spree or something, I would still love you.”

“No, you wouldn’t.”

“Well, you were gonna say somethin’ like that if I didn’t say that.”

“Okay, but....”

For the purposes of avoiding a bad silence, Rainbow kissed Applejack with as much passion as you would expect a typical kiss between them to have.

“♥,” Applejack said.

“For Faust’s sakes, don’t do that. You know that annoys the fuck outta me.”

“That’s why Ah do it.”

“Well, stop.”

“No.”

“Fine. So, sex?”

“Ah dunno, it’s the middle ah the day, well, noon middle, not middle ah when you’re awake middle, an’ Ah want lunch.”

“Do you eat anything that doesn’t have apples in it?”

“Not really. Why, you got a problem with apples?”

“What I really have a problem with is HP.”

“Rainbow.”

“Just trying to be funny. If you liked ponies who were all serious all the time, you wouldn’t be with me.”

“Okay, but....”

For the purposes of avoiding a bad silence, Rainbow kissed Applejack with as much passion as you would expect a typical kiss between them to have.

“♥,” Applejack said.

“And that’s how I plan to take over the world,” Twilight said.

“Okay, but I don’t really like the part where you tell me I’ve ‘outlived my usefulness’ and throw me into the bottomless pit,” said Spike.

“What? No, that was Pinkie Pie.”

“You said me.”

“I meant Pinkie.”

“Why would you want to take over the world anyway?”

“I don’t, but the point is that I could. Well, the chances of the plan working are pretty remote, to be honest, but I could easily take over Ponyville....” She breathed heavily for a couple breaths. “The power...”

“Uh, Twilight? You okay?”

“Power... must... kill... some... thing... with... said... pow... er....”

“So no, then?”

The phone rang.

“I’ll get it,” Twilight said. She delivered on the promise.

“Purgatoryo?”

“This is Propellergirl, or Burgundy Cap Pony, as I’m known to many. I was just watching the chapter and saw that you were interested in killing something, and a couple of us were just about to get a sacrifice for Big Mac and we’re wondering if you’d like to help.”

“Sure! Where are you?”

“Gravel Road.”

“Okay. I’ll be right there.”

“Great. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Twilight hung up.

“Who was it?”

“It was burgundy cap pony. I’m going over to Gravel Road, you do whatever.”

“Great. Bye.”

“Bye.”

And so Twilight teleported there since she didn’t want them to wait for half an hour.

“Ah, there you are,” said Burgundy Cap Pony, or whatever we’re calling her.

“What?” Butterscotch said. “I don’t see her.”

“Really?” Propellergirl or whatever looked over to Butterscotch for a moment to see where she was looking. “You should be able to see her.”

“Let me relog,” Butterscotch said as if someone could stop her.

Seconds later!

“Oh,” Butterscotch said. “Hi, Twilight!”

“Hi.”

“How did you know we were on this specific spot on Gravel Road?”

“It was luck. Anyway, I assume the house of which you’re standing in front is the one of the pony we’re going to kill?”

“No. It’s the one next to us with the orange, purple, and neon green stripes.”

“Oh. Why are we killing them?”

“She bet us we couldn’t.”

“I see.”

And so they walked up onto the porch of the aforementioned house. By the way, it has a porch.

“How’ll we get in?” Twilight said.

“Ring the doorbell?” said Propellergirl “Burgundy Cap Pony” McBear.

“Doorbell?” She then noticed the doorbell. “So she’s rich too.”

“Like you would find realistic.” Propellergirl rang the doorbell. A minute of waiting later, someone answered, but didn’t actually open the door.

“Who is it?”

“It’s the ponies you apparently think can’t kill you,” Propellergirl said.

“The creepy Big Mac fangirls?”

“Yes.”

Walking away could be heard.

“Shows how confident she is,” Butterscotch said.

“There’s a window there,” Twilight said. “I could magic it broken.”

“We can’t damage any property,” Propellergirl said like it was something everyone was supposed to know by the time they were five. “Besides, the only reason you’re here is so you can help us with her incapacitation.”

“So I don’t get to kill her?”

“No, just KO her.”

“But I want to kill.”

“Too bad.”

“Back on topic,” Butterscotch said, “How are we going to infiltrate the building?”

“Maybe Twilight could teleport us in,” Propellergirl said.

“I don’t know what the inside is like, so I’d probably teleport us into some piece of furniture and we’d all lose limbs and die of blood loss.”

“Then what can we do?” said either Butterscotch or Propellergirl, it doesn’t matter.

“I don’t know, why do I have to plan everything?”

“Because you’re planny,” Butterscotch said.

Butterscotch and Propellergirl looked at Twilight hopefully, which after a few seconds started to go into creepy staring territory even though they weren’t changing how they looked at her.

“Okay, I have an idea,” Twilight said. “Get down.”

“How will dancing help?” Butterscotch said.

“No, like literally.”

“Oh.”

Butterscotch and Propellergirl jumped up and got down. Twilight rang the doorbell, so we’ll go to a commercial whilst they wait.

You flip, but they flop.

You flip, but they flop!

“Who is it?” said the pony on the inside.

“It’s Twilight,” Twilight said, “Open the door.”

“Why?”

“They’re gone. There’s something I want to give you so you can protect yourself.”

“I thought you were working with them.”

“I was a double agent. Either way, they’re going to find a way in eventually, so do you want the weapon of usefulness or not?”

“Fine.”

Whatever her name is opened the door, which was unlocked, and Twilight ran into the entry hallway. She strangled the other pony, her “ihhh” sounds proving no defence.

“Great job, Twilight!” Butterscotch said.

“I don’t know what we’d’ve done without you,” Propellergirl said.

“Thanks. Now what?”

“Now we can go to the chapel and begin the ritual,” Propellergirl said. “Can you teleport us there? Taking her with us will be a pain in the pancreas, and she might wake up.”

“Okay,” Twilight said, “Just waiting for the iron to cook.”

LATER THAT JARDA!

“Okay,” Twilight said, “Let’s... wait, I don’t know where the chapel is.”

“Then we’ll have go about this the old-fashioned way,” Propellergirl said. “Normally, that would be pulling her along the ground, but since we have you, you can levitate her!”

“Am I getting paid for this or something? Because my original motivation of violence is gone.”

“We’re not paying you.”

“Then you can do the rest on your own.”

And so Twilight dramatically walked away down the sand of Gravel Road.

“I guess we’ll have to do it the normal way,” Propellergirl said.

“Unicorns have it so easy,” Butterscotch said.

Silence.

“Did that sound racist?”

“Yes.”

Next Chapter: Chapter 132: Pinkie Goes Upon a Walk and Has Multiple Conversations by Nissan Estimated time remaining: 5 Hours, 19 Minutes