“Someone dies?!” Spike said. “Someone? That could be me!”

“I don’t think you’re going to die, Spike,” Twilight said, more to calm him down than out of actually knowing the odds of him dying.

“But why wouldn’t they just say somepony?”

“They always say someone whether they’re referring to ponies or not.”

“But still, how do you know it won’t be me?”

“I know because... er... you’ve had a line. They’d never kill a pony who’s actually gotten a line somewhere.”

“Why not? It’d be more dramatic.”

“Sure, but then they couldn’t use you again.”

“But what if they don’t think they need me? Maybe this is all I’m good for now!”

“If you’re really worried, then just don’t do anything dangerous. It’s not like one pony or dragon or zebra or anything is magically fated to die anyway.”

“I guess you’re right. I just won’t do anything stupid.”

“Exactly.”

“Huh,” Rainbow said, “Somepony dies.”

“That puts a damper on the clopfic tahmes we were about to have,” Applejack said.

“Yeah. But at least it won’t be either of us, right? We’re way too mane to die.”

“Who is it, though?”

“Uh... I dunno, who’s close to dying? Granny Smith?”

“Ah hate to say it, but you maht‘ve a point there....”

“I’m sorry, but....”

“Yeah... there’s no guarantee, though. Maybe somepony kills Dahmond.”

“Look, what can we do to alter it? We should just have our sex and not worry about it.”

“We could just hang out....”

Rainbow burst into lolling, but Applejack didn’t.

“lolol... Chile... why aren’t you laughing, AJ? Were you actually serious?”

“It was just a thought....”

“I came here for sex and free lodging, not friendship.”

“But that’s all we ever do. Sometimes you just get lonely, right?”

“I’m Rainbow Dash.”

“C’mon, you need companionship every once in a whahle, raht?”

“I don’t need all that soppy stuff.”

“You missed a chance to swear at ‘stuff’.”

Rainbow thought over the line. “Sorry. You still love me, right?”

“Why would Ah stop lovin’ you ‘cause you swore less?”

“I dunno....”

Applejack looked down to indicate sad thinking. “When you left for three weeks, Ah got really depressed... not lahke clinical depressed, like really sad depressed, but still.”

“I know, everypony got sad. What’s your point?”

“Ah don’t know, it’s just... Ah didn’t think Ah needed you so much. Ah just didn’t wanna do anythin’. And there was the one day Ah didn’t an’ just laid in bed.”

“Well, maybe if that didn’t happen forever ago, it would matter. You wanna have sex or do I need to rape you?”

“You’re bein’ inconsiderate.”

“You’re being dramatic.”

“...Yeah, you’re right.”

“Somepony dies?” Fluttershy said to herself. “Does that really need to happen?”

No one answered, as she was the only one there.

“I hope there’s at least two lines of buildup to it, but knowing this....”

“What if I trip or something?” Lyra said to Octavia. “Then it’ll be me!”

“Why would you die from tripping?”

“It’s happened!”

“Yes, but if you just fall on the floor....”

“Death!”

“How do we even know it’ll happen? The chapter titles have been wrong before.”

“I guess you’re right... I can’t take any chances, though. I’m staying right here.”

“You’re staying in the—”

“Don’t describe the house, Octavia.”

“But otherwise—”

“No.”

“I could die, easy as pie,” Zecora said whilst stirring something undetermined. “I could... well, I’m making soup right now... I could spill it on myself, that would be easy as tau. But at worst, I’d get a burn. There are many words that rhyme with burn, but I don’t think any of them apply right now.”

“Okay, Rarity,” said Rarity, “Just don’t try to make something useful again and you should be fine.”

Meanwhile, Sweetie Belle was watching this chapter and acting in a rather unconcerned manner.

“Sweetie Belle,” said Rarity, “Did you even see the chapter title?”

“What can we do? We don’t have a bunker under our house or anything.”

“But you’re not even generically worried.”

“Like I said, what can we even do about it? Staying calm is better than getting nervous.”

“I don’t kn—what if it’s Opal? She hasn’t said anything. All the characters who have died have never said anything.”

“What good writer would let a cat die?”

“We can’t take any chances, Sweetie Belle. Do you know where Opal is?”

Opal came into the room.

“Opal!” Rarity would’ve picked her up if she was bipedal. “Say something!”

Opal rubbed Rarity’s leg with a cheek.

“SAY SOMETHING!”

“Mrm.”

“Good.”

“So because she said that, she’s immortal for the next few minutes?” Sweetie Belle said.

“Yes.”

“I’m with Sweetie Belle,” Pinkie Pie, also watching the chapter live, said. “Why get worried over some vague, unspecified event that we have no idea when it’s coming or even that it’s gonna happen?” No one was there to have a hilarious conversation with her. “I wish I had something to do right now.”

“Ah wish they could be a li’l quaheter,” Apple Bloom said. “Usually it’s okay, but tanaht it’s slahtly ridiculous. Does slahtly ridiculous make sense? What do you think, Scootaloo?”

“Saying that doesn’t make her here,” Big Mac said.

“Well, it should. Ah don’t care what laws ah physics that would break, we have magic in this world. An’ it already works with State Farm employees.”

“I wish I had a food,” Scootaloo said.

Trixie was walking on a forest path which may or may not have been the Everfree, listening to this chapter on her copyright-friendly iPod. By itself this was uninteresting, but then she said something.

“I hope my next passing off magic tricks as non-magic-related talent show at Ponyville goes better this time,” she said. “Everypony’s probably forgiven me since, right? Ponyvillians are generally pretty forgiving, so they’ll let me start again, shouldn’t they? Wait, why am I hearing my own voice in the thing?” She took her ©Fi for a moment. “I’m on? Finally, but crap, what should I do? Just keep walking like I am now? I guess that’s what got me on, but—”

She heard a moderately frightening roar coming from the forest. Well, she was in the forest, but you know.

“What was that?” she looked towards the noise. “Oh crap, is that one of those Ursa Minors? All I can do is magic tricks, not actual magic. Not literally no actual magic, I can levitate stuff and teleport and a few miscellaneous things, I’m not stupid, but you know.”

The beary scary roar happened once again.

“That’s not an Ursa Minor, that’s an Ursa Midea. I should oh crap it’s coming towards me sprinting why aren’t you sprinting....”

And so the next twenty seconds consisted of the Ursa Midea slowly but surely gaining on her.

“Wait, I can teleport.”

She teleported three kilometres away.

“I guess I’m safe.”

“It’ll be me,” Diamond Tiara said as she paced around the floor.

“You’ll be fine,” Filthy said even though he had no idea.

“I prefer Rich,” he said to transcriber #2.

“You don’t know that,” Diamond said. “Somepony’s probably about to kill me.”

“Why would anypony want to kill—”

“Because I’m a jerk. I got raped and nopony cared.”

“Who would kill you?”

“Any of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. They’re the ones that have a specific reason besides just hating me.”

“They wouldn’t kill anypony, they’re the Cutie Mark Crusaders.”

“Apple Bloom wouldn’t rape anypony either, but she did.”

“It’ll be me,” Silver Spoon said. She was eating her midday bowl of Torus Os in a quick manner to indicate nervousness. “They’ll kill me. Diamond’s good for scenes, but there’s no use for me.”

“Who would kill you?” Silver Spoon’s mother, Argentum Argentatus Spoon, usually known as Argentum, said. She was also eating Torus Os. “The producers? What would they do to you?”

“I don’t know. But if they suddenly pick me up for a scene, I’m not accepting it.”

“See? You know what you’re doing. You’ll be fine.”

“I’m just generically worried.”

“Being worried won’t help anything.”

“I know. I guess I’m doing all I can really do with the not accepting thing.”

“Exactly. Just be smart and don’t panic.”

“I won’t. Panic. Hey, can I describe the house?”

“Of course you can.”

“Well, first off, the obvious unusual thing is the—”

“All those ponies are so selfish,” said Butterscotch, lying in her bed. “Oh, I’m on. Yeah, I’m talkin’ to you, viewers. You’re selfish. You’re all concerned about it’s gonna be me or I’m going to die. You know what? I can die. As long as it’s not Big Mac, I’m happy. That’s what’s really important to me.”

Butterscotch’s cellular telephone rang. She picked it up.

“Hello?”

“Butterscotch...” a heavily weeping voice said, “I don’t know how to tell you this....”

“Talking?”

“Oh, good idea. Well... you know your cousin Margarine Northern Irish?”

“Yeah.”

“She didn’t make it through the pancreas transplant.”

“But... but we loved her....”

The pony over the phone, specifically Clotted Cream Gibraltarian, the mother of Margarine Northern Irish, nodded, not that Butterscotch could tell. “Yes... I’m sorry, Butterscotch....”

Butterscotch cried into the phone in place of dialogue.

“I need to go, okay?”

“Okay....”

They hung up.

“Wow,” Apple Bloom said. “Maybe if Ah knew ‘er Ah’d be sad.”

“Eeyup.”

“Last.”

“Last.”

“Last.”

“Should we do this together?”

“Sure.”

“Last,” Apple Bloom and Big Mac said.

Next Chapter: Chapter 114: Quotation Dashes Estimated time remaining: 7 Hours, 17 Minutes