Pinkie Pie preferred one thing to producing pals: putting them off again with practical jokes, particularly passing experiences of paltry pain. The powerfully provoking projects she played on Ponyville were pointedly potent compared to the parallel unproficient pretenders, not that her particular pattern of impropriety was especially prolific. But once every year or so, some pompous pony would appear and put in a predictably pathetic performance.

Today would not be one of those days, just a typical one of Pinkie being “fun”, “wacky”, or “a bit of a prick”, depending on the particular prankee’s personality and perspective. The first part of the programme was to be a pint of pear juice perpetrated on Fluttershy, and at the very point she came outside, it went precisely as planned.

“Is that it?”

“I presume you don’t appreciate the perilous properties of this prank’s production.”

“What do—”

“I had to teach myself to carry and hold cups for extended lengths of time. Just for this. And what do you say? ‘Is that it’. That isn’t it, that’s only the beginning of a glorious new era of liquid-based pranks. Now that I can hold cups without the aid of any tool, just imagine what you’ll be in for.”

“A ponial period of paranoia?”

“Probably.”

“Well, I have to—”

“Procedure purple.”

“What did—” It became apparent that she did indeed say “procedure purple” when fifteen litres of pear juice hit Fluttershy’s head and a bit of her back. She looked up and saw Rainbow Dash with a bucket of the appropriate size. “I just took a shower.”

“Yeah. That’s the whole reason we did it in the morning.”

She looked back at Pinkie Pie. “This isn’t fun.”

“Well, you passed on participating. Remember last week when I asked for help with a prank?”

“Yes.”

“Well, this is your punishment. Next up is Rarity, and she’ll need much more than a shower.”

“What did she do that I didn’t?”

“I dunno, maybe act like Rarity her whole life. Can you really feel—”

Twilight appeared with a magical teleportation sound. “Rarity’s awake.”

“Already? Crap, we better get these refilled. Bye, Fluttershy.”

Twilight teleported herself and the other two somewhere else, and Fluttershy went back inside.

Even without any decent evidence that a prank on her was being planned, Rarity already had a question the instant she turned on her shower.

“Do you have to film me showering?”

“There’s a curtain,” the camerapony said.

“It still feels uncomfortable.”

“You’re acting like you’re from a country where ponies wear clothes all the time.”

“You’re acting like you’re not from a country where showering is something private. I’m in my bathroom so I want some privacy.”

“There’s a curtain.”

“It still feels uncomfortable.”

After a few more cycles, Rarity proceeded with her shower. Unlike the other two subspecies, her experience didn’t involve a dozen different awkward positions and swearwords, and unlike everyone else, it didn’t involve a haunted mirror sending a beam of light into her eyes. She opened the curtain slightly and saw the transcriber levitating it.

“Why are you holding my hoof mirror?”

“I need to see what you’re doing in case something interesting happens.”

“You’ve been watching me?”

“Yeah.”

“But I said—”

“I’m not filming you. It’s just some notes like the kind of shampoo you use and a description of that weird thing you apparently do with a brush.”

She looked at the screen. “Please don’t tell the world about that....”

“I don’t accept bribes.”

“Anyway, you’re making me uncomfortable.”

“You should’ve looked over your contract better.”

“You can’t just take away my right to bathroom privacy—”

“You should’ve looked over Article 6-41.1b and the Reality Show Privacy Act 2009.”

Rarity realised where this was going and continued her shower.

It was finally time. Rarity was about to come outside to take a “closed” sign off the door. She opened the door inwards, took off the sign, and closed it.

“Er...” Pinkie said. “It’s okay, I have a plan.”

She knocked on the door and took a few steps back. Rarity came back and opened it.

“What is it?”

“Over here.”

“Okay....” She came closer. “I have a store to run.”

“Well, maybe you’ve noticed, but I’m holding a cup. Pretty cool, huh?”

“I suppose, but—what was that for?”

“Remember last week when I asked for help with a prank?”

“Yes.”

“Feel pretty stupid now, don’tcha?”

“Is that it?”

She made the speech about the glorious new era again.

“Slightly larger cup-based pranks?”

“Probably.”

“Well, I have to—”

“Procedure purple.”

“What did—” The part of the prank was performed as previously, complete with the victim looking up. “I just took a shower.”

“Yeah. That’s the whole reason we did it in the morning.”

She looked back at Pinkie Pie. “This isn’t fun.”

“Well, this is your partial punishment for not participating in my pranking party this... this... like, a... this... time.”

“Partial?”

“Oh, it’ll get worse.”

“Okay....”

Sweetie Belle was usually home from school by 4:30. It had been an hour since then without her appearing, and Rarity was somewhat worried. She didn’t have any way to know where she was, yet a missing pony report after one hour would be a little extreme. She could call everyone she knew in Ponyville, but Sweetie Belle said she wasn’t going anywhere. That left two possibilities: broken leg and abduction. She heard her phone and went to get it.

“This is the Carousel Boutique.”

“Your sister is Sweetie Belle, right?” said a male voice she didn’t recognise. “White unicorn, filly, pink and purple mane?”

“Yes.”

“I have her.”

“What happened?”

“I foalnapped her.”

“Where are you?”

“Do you have a spare ten thousand bits?”

“No.”

“I stop feeding her in a week. And I think it’s obvious what’ll happen if this makes the news.”

“How will I raise the money without—”

He hung up. Without really having any more information than before, she had to resort to calling everyone she knew.

“Twilight?”

“Yes, this is Twilight—”

“Do you know anything about Sweetie Belle being abducted?”

“No.”

She swiftly moved on to the next pony, and the next, with the same thing every time. No one knew anything, except Pinkie Pie, whose “no” was a complete lie.

In reality, Sweetie Belle was at Pinkie’s flat doing a colouring chapter book. Pinkie was in the living room with her, and despite it already happening, she still hadn’t decided a large aspect of the prank.

“Hey, is there a time you need to be back at Rarity’s? Because I was thinking you’d stay here tonight then go back after school, but I don’t know if that’s okay.”

“That’s good with me.”

“Okay.”

“Twilight?” Rarity said.

“Yes, this is—”

“He wants ten thousand bits for Sweetie Belle, and I can’t—”

“If we give ransomers their money and let them go, that’ll just encourage it.”

“But—”

“Your foal isn’t special.”

Twilight hung up, and Rarity called Applejack, which resulted in the same response word-for-word. Rainbow Dash was homeless and she knew Pinkie Pie wasn’t well off, so they were out, which was fortunate for the prank, since the same sentences in the same tone a third time probably would’ve made her suspicious. But whether it was “well, I don’t really have any money” or an honest “we can’t be enablers”, no one outside of the prank was willing to give a single bit, and Rarity went back to the shop with only the hope that someone rich would come in and buy everything in the store. And even if she did give all her money to this pony, what would keep him from doing the same thing again? Even if she obviously didn’t have money, whoever this pony was clearly liked killing foals. What if he didn’t give her back anyway? No, there are only so many hours in the day, he would just move on to the next one if it was his thing. Right?

“I wish I knew more about what it was like to be a foalnapper,” Rarity said to herself as someone came into the store. “Oh, sorry, there’s context to that.”

The pony didn’t seem to care and started browsing.

Rarity was having breakfast when she got the next call from the mystery pony.

“This is the Carousel Boutique.”

“Do you have ten thousand bits yet?”

“I told you, I don’t have any money. I just spent it all on clothing supplies.”

“You don’t die if you have zero bits.”

“I know. I don’t have ten thousand bits for you.”

He hung up. But Rarity knew what her mission was: to sell enough clothes by next Wednesday to save her sister. Which was always her mission anyway, but she needed some really good sales specifically right now. Over the next several hours, a few ponies came through, but she was having a bad day even by normal standards. But then at 4:34, the most important customer of all came through, and after a while he put a pile of clothes on the desk.

“That’ll be 1,580 bits,” Rarity said after counting the prices up for a minute.

Then after she said that, there was a truly special moment she would never forget: she saw someone use a 500-bit note.

“Fourteen, fifteen, five-six-seven-eight... it looks good. I give you my gramercy for shopping at the Carousel Boutique!”

Shortly after he left, Pinkie Pie entered the store with another pony who was much more important to Rarity at that time: Sweetie Belle.

“Sweetie Belle!” She vaulted over the desk and went down on the floor to give her a proper cuddle of a hug. “Oh, Sweetie Belle, I’m so glad you’re okay. He didn’t do anything to you, did he?”

“Well, there is one thing you should know....”

She pushed Sweetie Belle back a bit. “What?”

“Can you tell her, Pinkie Pie?”

Rarity looked up at Pinkie. “What happened?”

“You got Pinkie pranked!”

She stood up, as did Sweetie Belle. “What?”

“Yep! She was with me the whole time. ‘Cept she went to school today, of course. But yeah, she never got foalnapped.”

“I... you mean....”

“I meant what I said.”

“So this was all a prank? She was never in any danger?”

“That’s right.”

“You... I... can’t... you... ccc....”

“I’m glad you—” she managed to get out before Rarity hit her in the head hard enough for her to lose consciousness.

“Did you have to—”

“I’ll see you outside of the living space forty-eight hours from now.”

Sweetie Belle accepted her punishment and went away. Rarity also had to leave for a minute to drag Pinkie away, since an unconscious pony just inside the door was bad for sales. It was weird that the book even mentioned that, now that she thought about it. Next Chapter: Chapter 13: Somebody Makes a Love Confession Estimated time remaining: 17 Hours, 44 Minutes