“Last time,” Pinkie Pie said, her mane and, to a lesser extent, her tail blowing in the strong 35-kph breeze, “On Withstander: Corvidae Islands! Seven plastic lightsabre fights determined that invulnerability should belong to Rainbow Dash. Due to the Jambalayance, Apple Bloom was voted off. Who will be the next to metaphorically die on Withstander: Corvidae Islands?!”

“So, Apple Bloom,” Scootaloo said over some black tea. “Should I be happy to see you because I missed you or sad because you’re out?”

“Ah want ya ta be happy....”

“Then I’ll be happy to see you.”

“Sounds good.”

“Do you think the transcriber is bothering to describe what the building is like?”

“Ah doubt it.”

“I love you triply, Rainbow,” Twilight said.

“I love you doubly, Twilight.”

“I love you triply, Octavia,” Lyra said.

“I’m trying to think about strategy, Lyra. Don’t make off-topic posts.”

“Ah love you in a platonic way, an’ Ah think you’re hot, but they don’t mix inta romance,” Applejack said. “Y’know how it is.”

“Eeyup.”

Meanwhile, camerapony #3 laid down in the excuse for a shelter trying not to cry. “I guess I’ll get the mail.”

She walked down the path of forestedness to the holy mail compartment, retrieved the mail, and left without triggering any alarms.

“I have the mail,” camerapony #3 said.

“kewl,” everyone barring Octavia said.

Camerapony #3 unravelled the paper. “It’s... blank.”

“What?” everyone said.

“Look.”

Everyone crowded uncomfortably behind the paper. It was blank.

“Huh,” Applejack said very constructively.

“I guess we should go to Raven Island,” Twilight said.

And so they canoed to Raven Island.

“Hallo,” Pinkie said, “End walcoma to todey’s invulnarebility chellanga. Todey, tha chellanga is dividad into four perts. Ni eht tsrif, uoy lliw nur dnuora ni a elcric. Yllaretil, eht esruoc si a elcric dna uoy evah ot nur dnuora ti. Eliminated gets last in comes whoever. Ydaar uoy ara?”

“Yeah!” everybody except for Octavia said.

“Than lets git starded!”

Everyone was escorted to the start line of the Holy Running Circle. Short story bite-sized, Octavia lost because she’s fancy and therefore slow.

“The next challenge,” Pinkie said in a slow and condescending voice, “Is called swimming. All of you except Octavia will swim to that buoy and back and whoever gets last place is eliminated. Understand?”

“Yeah!” they said.

“Challenge starts now!”

Lyra lost because she’s unathletic.

“Fiveofyouleft. Thenextchallengeistheeatdisgustingthingschallengetowinyoumustconsumeaduria

nyoualsomustremovetheskinhusktypethingyourselfnomagicwhoeverfinishesthetasklastiseliminated.”

They took their marks in front of a side table (one each) with a durian on it (one each).

“Withstandersready?!”

“Yeah!”

“Go!”

Rainbow and camerapony #3 immediately cut themselves on their durians, whilst the others actually took their time to think about what to do. Applejack, remembering a video she saw on YouTube, threw her durian on the ground, but the exceptionally deep, soft sand typical of the Corvidae Islands did nothing to break it. Applejack also got a very minor stab wound from firmly holding the durian. Twilight got an idea from this (the throwing, not the injury) and slowly rolled her durian over to a rock, which she picked up and threw at it. This made a small crack in it, which she exploited to fully open it. Everyone else would copy her.

Twilight easily made it through the next round having gotten her durian open seconds before her competitors, and the rest came down to actual eating speed. Since Rainbow, Applejack, and Big Mac were reasonably adept at such things, camerapony #3 came last and was eliminated from the challenge.

“Okay,” Pinkie said after a two-hour break, during which a 35-km/h wind brewed up. “Final round will be the quiz round! There’ll be one question, and whoever gets the most right wins! Withstanders ready?!”

“Yeah!”

“Signed in 1494 to divide the—”

“The Treaty of Tordesillas!” Twilight said reasonably quickly, as if another pony was going to know the answer.

“That’s right! Twilight wins invulnerability!”

“Fuck,” Rainbow said.

“You also get a refill on rice and water, and Twilight gets a huge bowl of salad all to herself!”

“What if I spill it on the canoe?”

“Then that’s your problem!”

After an uneventful canoe back to Jambalaysland, the normal pair and camerapony #3 dynamic resumed, but with more rice-cookery.

“I can’t believe I didn’t spill anything,” Twilight said.

“We know, okay?!” Rainbow said, starving from the hunger of food deprivation much like everyone else. “You have salad, you’re awesome, you’re a winner, shut the fuck up! We don’t wanna hear about your fuckin’ salad!”

“Rainbow?” Lyra said.

“What?”

“I hate her salad as much as anypony else here, but... chill.”

Rainbow took a few deep breaths, everyone watching her since there was nothing better to look at. “I think I feel better. I mean, I should be happy for her, right?”

“Well, just don’t get crazy,” Lyra said. “You can think it, just don’t yell at her for succeeding at something.”

“Okay. I think I can do that.”

“Good.”

“Wellkm t Timl Kaunsl,” Pinkie said. “Ther ar onli sevvin uv yu lefft, but aftr tnait ther will bi sikks, bicuz that izz hau tha sho works. Twailait, hau du yu fil inn yr cumfdrbl, scyr, innvunrabl stet?”

“Self-esteemed,” Twilight said.

“Xtremely Xcellent Xplanation. We’re ordering it by weight, so Big Mac goes first.”

“Are you calling me fat?”

“No, I’m calling you male. Now go and vote.”

Voting ensued!

“Ah’ll tally up ‘em votes,” Pinkie said.

“First vote: Octavia.”

Octavia had no reaction.

“Second vote: Rainbow Dash. Okay, who wrote Rainbow Dash? Was it you, Octavia?”

Octavia nodded.

“Do you call Lyra Lyra Heartstrings? Don’t answer that. Anyway, Rainbow. That’s two votes Rainbow, one vote Octavia.”

“Rainbow. That’s three votes Rainbow, one vote Octavia.”

“Sixth pony voted off Withstander: Corvidae Islands and first member of our jury: Rainbow.”

“Twilight?” Rainbow said. “Even you voted for me?”

“I’m sorry....”

“You ponies can all go fuck yourselves with... fucking devices.”

“You mean like sex toys or—” Lyra didn’t get to finish.

“I hope you all die in completely separate stabbing incidents,” Rainbow said before running off towards Sequestria.

“Welperdoozerwhatsits, half of you left,” Pinkie said. “How long will Twilight last? Find out in the next series of I Suck At Titles, Summary Better!”

“Fuck Octavia and her fucking Raritiness, fuck Lyra and her fucking Raritiness, fuck Twilight and her pathetic beggary, fuck camerapony #3 and her hatred of fucking Rainbow Dash, fuck Big Mac and his... um... unwillingness to form complex sentences, and fuck... don’t fuck AJ,” Rainbow said. “There’s nothing wrong with her.”

Next Chapter: Chapter 60: Sumer Estimated time remaining: 7 Hours, 34 Minutes