“So how did the letter go?” Rainbow Dash said.

“It was an epistle.”

“What are you doing here, Apple Bloom?”

“Ah’m not Apple Bloom,” she said, “Ah’m ‘er explodin’ second cousin Apple Boom.” She then exploded, spreading organs and blood all over the walls and Rainbow.

Twilight walked into the room. “Rainbow?”

“Yeah?”

“What happened in here?”

“Apple Boom finally exploded.”

“Oh. That’s kinda sad.”

After a week of cleanup, the chapter continued.

“So how’s the house thing going?”

“Not well, nopony wants to buy it.”

“Oh. I was hoping for the opposite answer.”

“I didn’t know.”

“Don’t be like that, Rainbow.”

“When did you get so strict?”

“Yesterday.”

Silence.

“Wanna randomly go out on a romantic dinner?” Rainbow said.

“Really?”

“Yeah. ‘Cause I feel like it.”

“But I’m your backup girlfriend. Did you just do this with Applejack?”

“No.”

“Did you have plans to?”

“No. Don’t be so paranoid, you know I love you.”

“But this is so... romantic. Won’t she be pissed?”

“She can be pissed if she wants to.”

Apple Bloom ran upstairs to Applejack’s room and gave its door a sound knock in the... um....

“Who’s there?” Applejack said.

“It’s Apple Bloom.”

“Apple Bloom who?”

“Ah’m the only pony with a voice remotely close ta this, AJ.”

Applejack opened the door.

“Ah’ve got some bad news,” Apple Bloom said.

“Ah heard.”

“Oh....”

“Ah can’t believe we lost ta Water-on-sea.”

“Not that, it’s even more important.”

“If it’s not about hoofball or Rainbow, then don’t lah.”

“Apple Boom dahed.”

“Aww, that’s kinda sad.”

“Ah know. Can we ‘ave a sad parent-foal talk about death?”

“You already know how death works.”

“Ah know....”

Silence.

“After we learned she had Pineco’s, we knew it wouldn’t be long...” Applejack said.

“Yeah....”

Silence.

“Ah’ll tell Big Mac,” Applejack said. “Ah don’t know what it is, but there’s just somethin’ about you an’ Big Mac talkin’ that seems weird.”

“Ah think it’s just you.”

Meanlater at Focaccia Shack, Twilight and Rainbow Dash had been seated.

“Can I get you anything to drink?” Octavia said.

“I—” Rainbow said, “Wait, you’re Octavia. You work here?”

“Yes. Is there a problem with that?”

“No. I just expected your job to be more... musicy... al. Musical.”

“Before I got this job, my only source of income was playing at unnecessary galas run by Celestia or fashion magnates, but I wanted to have something a bit... steadier, I suppose.” She was going to say a few sentences about how painful and character-building the waiter training was and how she gained a lot of respect for what she once regarded as a chumpy job, but Rainbow said something.

“That reminds me, Twilight,” Rainbow turned to Twilight, “I forgot to make fun of you for being worried about Celestia with the whole love thing.”

“Well, it seems like logically she would’ve been... um... there are foals here,” Twilight said.

Rainbow looked around. “No, there aren’t. What would tons of foals be doing at a medium-high-class focacceria?”

“Whatever, I don’t want to swear.”

“She was really happy after she got over the initial shock. Same as everypony.”

“I know, but still, I was justified in being worried.”

“Can I get you anything to drink?”

“Water,” Twilight said.

“The fancy lemonade,” Rainbow said.

“I’ll get those for you.” She went to the next table.

“I wish we had gone to a place that was cooler with public displays of affection,” Rainbow said.

“I know, right? I mean, I’m not saying they should let us have sex or anything, but just a little kissing....”

“Exactly.”

Silence.

“I wonder what was so important to AJ today that she didn’t want me over,” Rainbow said.

“I don’t know. You know, with all this weird shit she does, I should be upgraded from backup to secondary.”

“I don’t know. I mean, I don’t really need you. I need AJ or I’ll get depressed, but you’re lucky to even have me.”

“You don’t need me? I’m unnecessary? Even though you honestly love me? We’re not pure just fuckbuddies, you know, I thought that was the point of this. So could I just end this right now and you wouldn’t feel anything?”

“You’re just something extra I have, AJ’s my main girlfriend.”

“Fine. Then I’ll just treat you as a hobby too.”

“Go ahead.”

Rainbow waited.

“I’m sorry,” Twilight said, deciding that crying and putting her head face-down on the table was well-advised. “I shouldn’t be so pushy and demanding and ridiculous about it. If you don’t want to be with me as often, I shouldn’t try to force you into anything. You can do whatever you want with your love life, and if I’m not good enough for you, that’s my fault. I’m sorry I was thinking so highly of myself. You’re right, I don’t even deserve you, and I am really fortunate to even have you in any way whatsoever....”

“I feel romantic love for you, you do deserve me.”

“Then why am I ‘something extra’?”

“‘Cause I wanted to see how you’d react.”

“I hate you.”

“You know, it’s funny how easily a lotta ponies around here seem to cry.”

“We’re breaking up.”

“Okay. It was really nice being with you, and I still love you if you wanna get back together.”

They ate some bread and made a bunch of in-jokes. Eventually Octavia came by with drinks and they ordered things, but it wasn’t exciting.

“Well, American English is easier,” Rainbow said. “You can just call everything raisins.”

“Sure, but British English is more specific. You have better information and it’s just as concise.”

“Well, yeah, but American English is easier. And for some things, I can understand, but when will you ever need to differentiate between raisins and sultanas? Honestly, when would it ever make a difference? When would anypony even care?”

“How did we start talking about this?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Maybe we should move on to something less emotionally charged.”

“Probably, we’re never gonna agree on this anyway.”

Silence.

“So...” Twilight said.

“What?”

“How about those....”

“Yeah?”

“Those....”

“Stop pretending you have something to say.”

“Look, I just want to have sex with you, all right? Normally I would just clop or rape you, but I’m in a semiformal restaurant....”

“Can you stop raping me?”

“Why? You like it, don’t you?”

“Well, usually.”

“I’m know it’s annoying sometimes, but what am I supposed to do? Control my urges like a normal pony?”

“Do whatever you want with your urges, but don’t rape me.”

“But you’ve said before that you liked it. Why have you suddenly changed your mind?”

“It’s rape. I should probably be breaking up over it.”

“I’m sorry, Rainbow, I’ve been so inconsiderate of—no, I don’t feel like it. Why are you messing with me so much?”

“It’s only been twice.”

“That’s a lot of times for how long the times were.”

“Fine. I won’t do it again today, I swear.”

“You can’t just ‘swear’ and expect it to be meaningful. You have to swear on something like the enclosed instruction book or spaghetti.”

“I swear on my religion’s holy texts.”

“You’re an atheist.”

“Well, um... I won’t do it. You trust me, right?”

“Not without something to swear on.”

“Then you’ll just have to realise when I’m messing with you better. By the way, I’m not sure if we can have wild sex tonight.”

“Can we have a different kind of sex?”

“You’re not very good at this.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

With the flow stopped yet again, Rainbow took another slice of delicious Focaccia Shack sourdough and put a disgusting amount of butter on it.

“That’s a disgusting amount of butter,” Twilight said.

“Don’t tell me how to live my life.”

“The lack of effort you put into spreading it makes it even worse.”

She finished her bite before responding, giving her extra time to come up with something cutting and witty. “Don’t tell me how to live my life.”

“I’m tempted to have a piece just to show you how to do it properly.”

“You already had one and I saw you. And I didn’t tell you you were doing food wrong.”

“Because I was doing it right.”

“When did you suddenly turn into Rarity?”

“I’m not acting like Rarity.”

“You’re acting exactly like Rarity.”

“This isn’t going anywhere, so can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Why did you win so much money for a race with celebrities? Shouldn’t you at least have won a bunch of money for your chosen charity?”

“Only a few ponies showed up for the last one, so that was their solution. Not that it worked.”

“I see.”

“They’re not having another one next year.”

“That’s sad.”

Rainbow took another bite of butter. “So how’re the foals?”

“Um... Spike’s fine.”

“Are they getting good grades and eating healthy breakfasts?”

“He has a way of getting food, he doesn’t need school.”

“Are they eating—”

“Yeah, he’s fine.”

Octavia came by, and let me tell you, if you think waiting looks hard for bipeds, you should see what she’s doing.

“Thank you.” “Thanks.”

“Can I get you anything else?”

“No, thanks.” “I’m good.”

“All right. Pleasurable consumption!”

Octavia went away forever and they looked at the food they had ordered. Twilight had focaccia and a weird salad I’ll explain later, and Rainbow had focaccia and kyselo. Okay, so the salad—look, you can JFGI if you don’t know what kyselo is, all right? So it didn’t have anything green in it. Purple leaves, olives (also featured in the focaccia), tomatoes, but nothing green. And the weird is, they didn’t design it that way at all, it’s just pure coincidence that it happened. Though once they realised what the designer had done, they decided to market it like they were creative. They ate their food for a minute, then it was time to ask each other if they liked said food.

“Do you like your food?” Twilight said.

“It’s pretty good, I don’t have anything to complain about. Yours?”

“I have the exact same comment.”

“I wonder if the transcribers have described what it’s like in here yet.”

Ponies were talking and there were tables.

“I don’t know. How’s the... flying?”

“Still winnin’ everything.”

“You know, Rainbow.”

“There are a lot of Rainbows. You mean Rainbow Dash? I know of her.”

“You know, Rainbow.”

“Of course I know her—”

“Rainbow.”

“What? For Faust’s sakes, Twilight....”

“Sometimes I say things just to break awkward silences, but I don’t actually have anything to say and then it gets more awkward. Do you think I should just stop trying or what?”

“I think you should let your girlfriends finish their Star Wars references.”

“Girlfriend... s?”

“You know what I mean. And to answer your question, you should stop trying. Awkwardness is a social construct anyway.”

“Well, I know, but....”

“Look, if you weren’t doin’ it anyway, why did you ask me?”

“I don’t know... to get through the awkward silence. Sometimes I say things just to—”

“I know.”

They suddenly remembered they were at a restaurant and ate their food. It tasted so not exciting but nothing screwed up about it that they nearly burst with contentment.

“That food was so well-executed,” Rainbow said.

“This was a somewhat better than adequate way to spend my time and hunger,” Twilight said.

“If this restaurant was a hoofball club and they played against an average club, they would somehow come away with two points.”

“I don’t know if it’s that good....”

Octavia came by. “It looks like you’re done with those?”

“Yes,” they both said.

“Okay.” She took the dishes. Don’t ask. Don’t ask how waiting is simultaneously an easy and hard job either. “Are either of you getting dessert?”

“No.”

“Okay. I’ll get the bill.”

As quickly as she came, she was gone. Then someone had to talk.

“So what can I do to be upgraded to secondary girlfriend?”

“Nothing.”

“So I already am?”

“You know what I mean.”

“I know.”

“So were are we going, just back to your house?”

“That’s what I figured. Should I just teleport us there?”

“But I like moving.”

“Okay, then we’ll walk.”

Octavia dropped off the bill, but there was a problem.

“You pay for it,” Rainbow said.

“You have more money.”

“You have that job.”

“Okay.” She signed it and didn’t have trouble figuring out the tip since it was a percentage and she lived in a decimal society. Seriously, unless you need to split it between seven people or something, there’s no reason why you should have any trouble. And why are they using decimal anyway? They should use base four or hexadecimal. Am I the only one who cares? Maybe it was dragons. But then it would be eight. So anyway, they left the building and went to a different building. They were both so unwilling to say something first that they never talked at all.

“You know what time it is?” Rainbow said. She knocked the door.

“I don’t know. The sun just set.”

“Twilight.”

Spike got the door. “You have a house, Rainbow Dash.”

“Hi,” Rainbow said.

“We don’t want to have sex in public, so just let us in,” Twilight said.

“What if I don’t?”

“Then I’ll knock you out.”

“Then how can I ‘let’ you in?”

“Let us in.”

“Uh... you can come in.”

Today was the day they really went in. No frills, just the pure essence of entering a building through its front door pervading their minds.

“Should we go to the bedroom or should I just rape you here?”

“First, I agree to have sex with you, and I’m still agreeing, so don’t call it rape. Second, we should go to the bedroom.”

They walked up there. Feel free to use that sentence in your own fanfic.

“How do you keep bugs out of here?”

“Magic.”

“That’s it?”

“Yes.”

“Now I’m bored.”

“I know a way to fix that.”

“Play games on Nintendo hoofhelds?”

“Well, yeah, but something more... you know what I meant, I don’t know why I’m even doing this.”

“I don’t either.” She laid down on the floor. “So do whatever you want to me. Ow, okay, not—ow. Ow! Stop. Seriously, stop. Please. Octagon. Kakistocracy. Beryllium. Please.”

Next Chapter: Chapter 139: Events Estimated time remaining: 8 Hours, 27 Minutes