“Hello, greetings, and salutations,” Pinkie Pie said, “And welcome to Mane Character For a Foreseeable Future Alpha Plus Platinum Premium Unrated with Nuts in Space Deluxe, the game where if you actually know the answer, you should put down the laptop and stop cheating!”

The crowd cheered wildly.

“Here are our contestants! From Ponyville, Ponyprovince, one of the few ponies so awesome he has a sizable religion based around him, Big Mac!”

The crowd cheered wildly.

“From Ponyville, Ponyprovince, the assistant of Twilight Sparkle, Spike!”

The crowd cheered wildly.

“And from Ponyville, Ponyprovince, our defending champion, Big Mac fangirl Butterscotch!”

The crowd cheered.

“Now, here’s how the game works. There’ll be seven questions, each worth a thousand points, except the last, which is worth fifteen hundred. Whoever has the most points at the end wins! Now are you READAY?!”

“Yeah!” the audience said.

“I said are YOU READAY?!”

“YEAH!” said the audience.

“Good! For one thousand points, and also one thousand bits if you win the game but lose the bonus round, here’s the first question. According to a study conducted by the Equestrian Census Bureau, raisins were most commonly traded with what food among fillies ten and under?”

A ding ensued, and Butterscotch’s podium turned a pale yellow colour.

“Yes, Butterscotch!”

“Bubble gum!”

“Wrong! Anypony else?”

There was no answer.

“Come on!” Pinkie said. “There’s no penalty for getting it wrong!”

Butterscotch rang in.

“Butterscotch, you can’t answer the same question twice. And time’s up! The correct answer is adolescent carrots. Next question: what do I want to do?”

Butterscotch’s podium turned a pale green.

“Yes, Butterscotch!”

“Be the very best?”

“No.”

Big Mac rang in.

“Yes, Big Mac!”

“Know what love is.”

“Correct!”

The crowd cheered wildly.

“After two questions, Big Mac leads with a thousand points, but the points also represent money, so it’s okay for them to be in large numbers! Last question before our first commercial: this whey-containing nineteenth-century sweet officially became kosher in 2009.”

Nobody answered.

“Come on! No penalty!”

Butterscotch’s podium acquired some pale red polka dots.

“Yes, Butterscotch!”

“Butterscotch!”

“Wrong! Anypony else?” She waited for a literal second. “Time’s up! The correct answer is Tootsie Rolls. Well, that’s three questions, and so far Big Mac leads by a thousand. We’ll see you after these extremely important messages!”

If you don’t save a puppy, we’re going to keep running this commercial and making you feel vaguely guilty or something for a moment!

“Hello and welcome back to Mane Character For a Foreseeable Future Alpha Plus Platinum Premium Unrated with Nuts in Space Deluxe! When we last left off, Big Mac was in the lead with one thousand points. Now here’s question #4: how can palm trees be blue?”

Big Mac rang in.

“Yes, Big Mac!”

“Paint.”

“Correct! Big Mac has two thousand points!”

The crowd cheered wildly.

“Okay, question number five: how many times has Twilight clopped today?”

Spike rang in.

“Yes, Spike!”

“Three!”

“Correct!”

The crowd cheered wildly.

“That’s 2,000 points for Big Mac, 1,000 for Spike, and none for Butterscotch. Next question: what is Big Mac’s favourite yoke?”

Butterscotch rang in.

“Yes, Butterscotch?”

“The only one he has!”

“Correct! Whoever gets the next question right wins! Or if nopony gets it, Big Mac wins! So for the game, here is the final question.” Pinkie deliberately took the card at a slow rate to increase the tension. “Final question: by the way, I—hey, who wrote this?” Pinkie took the next card on the deck. “Final question: who are the official suppliers of Applejack’s duct tape which Rainbow still hasn’t gotten off?”

Butterscotch rang in.

“Yes, Butterscotch!”

“3M!”

“Correct! Butterscotch wins!”

The audience cheered mildly as Butterscotch went to the centre of the stage.

“So, Butterscotch,” Pinkie read off a card, “How does it feel to win without exploiting a loophole?”

“Legitimate! I just wish I didn’t have to beat Big Mac to do it.”

“It’s not Survivor, you can give him some of your prize money.”

“Really? That’s awesome!”

“Now it’s time for the bonus round. If you get this question right, you dectuple your winnings! Ready?!”

“Yeah!”

“Okay! For an additional... um... that minus 2,500... 22,500 bits, here’s the question! The Bread and Cheese Revolt began in what year?!”

“Um... 1492?”

“That... iiiiis... wrong. The correct answer is 1491.”

“I can’t believe I was that close.”

“Neither can anypony! See you next time a street foal gets sacked from a reality show on...”

“MANE CHARACTER FOR A FORESEEABLE FUTURE ALPHA PLUS PLATINUM PREMIUM UNRATED WITH NUTS IN SPACE DELUXE!” the audience, contestants, and Pinkie Pie said.

Next Chapter: Chapter 137: In Which the Characters Are Paired Off with Other Characters They Vaguely Dislike Estimated time remaining: 8 Hours, 43 Minutes