Chapter Twenty One: Mistrust.

***

Pontefract base, February 11th, 2030.

Twilight blocked the incoming hoof aimed squarely for her jaw with a grunt, before using the momentum of her attackers strike to throw him to the ground. Before she could do much to capitalise on that, however, the pony was on his feet again, and charging straight for her. She grunted again in pain as the pony head butted her, knocking her to the ground. Before she could move, the pony placed a hoof on her chest, preventing her from standing.

She looked up into the furious face of Desert Wind, who was staring down at her with a mixture of triumph and rage, breathing heavily.

"Private Wind, that is enough!" the stern voice of Iron Gait said angrily. The Sergeant was watching them spar with an annoyed look on his face.

"Yes sir," Desert Wind said at once, looking faintly abashed, the angry look on his face dissipating. "Sorry sir."

His hoof moved slowly off of Twilight's chest, his breathing slowing slightly. Twilight stood up, giving him an odd look as he walked to the edge of the sparring ring to have a drink of water.

All around them, ponies were sparring: Applejack was currently fighting against True Grit, and the two were surprisingly evenly matched. She had raw strength, but less skill, and he was a skilled fighter but lacking in raw brute strength. Meanwhile, Sapphire Steel was engaged in a tense hoof-to-hoof fight against Lyra, who was managing to hold her own despite her lack of experience. Meanwhile, Rarity was getting absolutely defeated by Pinkie Pie, who was so random with her moves and her targets that the former-fashionista was hard pressed to keep her from knocking her flat on her plot.

"Private Twilight," Iron Gait said, getting Twilight's attention again. He was frowning at her with a look of almost disappointment, rather than anger. "Do you want to explain to me precisely why you lost?"

"Sir?" Twilight said, frowning slightly at the question. "Desert Wind was just better, sir."

"That is not an answer, Private!" Iron Gait snapped, sounding annoyed at her answer. "'Just better' can mean many things! I want specifics! You don't learn from 'just better', and you are here to learn!"

Twilight suppressed her irritation, reminding herself that all of this was, in it's own way, meant to help her: Gait was right. She was here to learn.

"Sir," she began explaining,"Private Wind is physically stronger, faster, and has more motivation..."

"Motivation?" Iron Gait snapped. "Just what more motivation do you need, Private Sparkle? Have we not shown you enough to give you ample bucking motivation?!"

"Sir," Twilight said sharply, "Private Wind has alluded to having a personal grudge against this world's Twilight Sparkle. No doubt this influenced him during our sparring match, gave him an added edge of motivation. Sir."

She hoped saying that wouldn't get Desert Wind in trouble, but it was true: throughout the spar, Twilight had felt like Desert Wind was seeing somepony else when he looked at her, and it had unnerved her more than she would have liked to admit. She wasn't honestly sure whether he would have stopped had Gait not been here.

Iron Gait narrowed his eyes. "You're saying he used his anger at the other you to help him win his fight?"

"Sir," Twilight said, "I'm saying it's a possibility sir."

Iron Gait looked thoughtful for a moment, and then he smiled.

"Well," he said slowly, "he won didn't he?"

"Sir?" Twilight said with a raised eyebrow.

"If the main differences between you are strength and speed, I'd say you can easily edge him out with cleverness, your magic and agility," Iron Gait said to her, "but he won because he found a reason to win. I think there's a lesson for you to learn there, Private."

"Sir, yes sir," Twilight said slowly. He was right: there was a lesson here. It wasn't one she liked, but it was a lesson - sometimes you had to have a motivation to win, and that motivation might be the biggest difference between you and your enemy.

"Private Wind!" Iron Gait called at the sitting Desert Wind. "I want an explanation for your conduct during the sparring match!"

"Sir?" Desert Wind asked.

"Anypony can see when there's something else on a recruit's mind than the pony he's fighting, Private," Iron Gait said sternly. "It might have served you well this time, but chances are it'll be a bucking problem if you lose control and there's no handsome stallion of a Drill Sergeant to hold you back."

"Sir," Desert Wind said stiffly, "with all due respect, my problem was nothing that will occur in actual combat." He threw Twilight an odd look, one that was a mixture of anger and remorse. "It only occurred because of the... unique nature of my opponent."

"Unique nature of your opponent?" Iron Gait repeated. He scowled. "Soldier, whatever issue you have with a Private Sparkle had better be locked down pronto. You might end up at the same assignment as Private Sparkle, and you cannot allow any personal problems you have to jeopardise your unit's coherency as a team. You will stow your horseapples or you will find yourself cleaning latrines with a toothbrush. Clear?!"

"Sir, yes sir!" Desert Wind said sharply.

"Good," Gait said, a grin forming on his face. "As a suitable means for you to exercise your personal demons, Private, I think I know precisely who to pair you with on the next training mission."

Desert Wind looked suddenly concerned, and he locked eyes with Twilight, whose eyes widened. Both of them knew exactly what the Sergeant meant.

***

Woods near Airedale, February 14th, 2030.

Desert Wind scowled slightly at Twilight as she read the compass and the map she held in front of her. The two of them - along with other members of the troop - had been dropped via helicopter in the middle of a field surrounded by woods and told to make their way to Junction 32 off the M62 by sundown. Twilight was in charge of the map and the compass, and was currently using them to attempt to navigate the two of them towards their target.

"According to the map," she said softly after a moment studying the compass, "the nearest road to the drop off point is about half a mile to the east, and from there we should be able to follow what's left of the road to Junction 32... eventually."

"Good to know," Desert Wind said tersely. "But I'm still of the opinion that we should head in the direction of the motorway itself: it's a straight shot from here, and from there we can just head for Junction 32 - be there in a snap."

Twilight frowned. "Cutting across country will take time."

"Less time than going to the roads and navigating from there," Desert Wind replied. "And remember that time is of the essence: if we're not there by sundown..."

"Yes, I know," Twilight cut him off.

"Besides, I'm an Earth Pony and I used to work as a farmer," Desert Wind smiled. "I know what I'm doing in countryside."

Twilight sighed, and put the compass and map away in her saddlebag.

"Alright," she said. "I'll follow your lead."

"Good," Desert Wind said. He began walking, Twilight following him.

"You know," she said conversationally, "you never did tell us why you joined the Resistance."

"No, I didn't," Desert Wind said simply.

"I'd be interested to know," Twilight continued.

"Why?" Desert Wind asked, throwing her an irritated glance. "Why does it matter why I joined up? The point is, I'm here."

"Well," Twilight said softly, "everypony has their reasons. I thought maybe if I understood yours..."

"You'd understand what the buck was up with me," Desert Wind cut her off, rounding on her with a thunderous look on his face. "Listen, I have my own issues, but I don't need to share them, and I sure as Tartarus don't need to share them with you."

Twilight stopped in her tracks. Desert Wind was breathing heavily again, and his eyes were narrowed into a glare of hatred.

"What did she do to you?" she asked him softly.

Desert Wind scowled at her, but the glare on his face softened slightly.

"I wouldn't expect you to understand," he said, sounding less hostile.

"Sometimes all it takes is a friendly ear," Twilight replied instantly. "I know I'm not the pony you'd want to talk to, but... but I'm here."

She waited a moment, but Desert Wind said nothing. Nodding sadly, she began heading off in the direction of the road.

"I was in the Royal Guard," he said softly, catching her attention. She stopped and looked at him: he was looking off into the distance, eyes seeing something that nopony else could. "Sometimes, there are ponies that the brainwashing just doesn't work for: that was me. Usually we get caught during the process and assigned special duties - mainly the Wall..."

"The Wall?" Twilight asked, frowning.

Desert Wind smiled humourlessly. "The Wall is our nickname for a giant fortress-wall between Equestria and the rest of Equus that Celestia put up in the years between the barrier beginning to expand and the declaration of the Solaminan Empire." He chuckled slightly. "It's not very original."

"A giant wall?" Twilight said, eyes wide. "But that must have taken..."

"Years," Desert Wind interrupted. "And it was mainly Earth Pony backs that broke moving the stone. I know for a fact that at least two of my cousins died building the thing, but at the time nopony questioned Celestia's motives. It was only when she declared herself Astra Solamina that most ponies who were going to realise realised." He chuckled without mirth again, but it died in his throat. "Wish I had been one of them, but I swallowed the lies at the time, about how the humans had provoked the Empire, about how they'd been planning wars of genocide. It was our duty to convert them. Or falling that, kill them all."

"What happened that changed your mind?" Twilight asked softly, realising that this must be a sensitive subject for the pony and feeling grateful that he was sharing it. Desert Wind's face softened into a melancholic expression.

"We took a city called Lancaster," he finally said, his voice surprisingly quiet. "This was in the years before Albion of course." He paused. "About ten thousand civilians were there. Various sorts. We managed to convert a lot of them and the commanders set up temp-portals to send them back to Equestria where they could be made useful, but..." He paused again, his eyes drifting off. "My unit ran out of potion, and we came across a room full of these old people. Men and women, some of the men still wearing bits of military uniforms. They tried to fight, some of them, even though they could barely walk..." He closed his eyes. "Some of them were even singing. A hymn, I think... it went... how did it go...?"

He paused, his eyes screwing shut as though he was trying to stem the memories he had.

"When there were only the old women and the invalid men left, my Sergeant told our unit to wipe them out," he continued. "Any humans we couldn't convert, for whatever reason, we killed." He scowled. "I argued, said it was immoral to just murder the elderly and infirm in their sick beds and chairs. He told me it was Solamina's will. That usually works on brainwashed Guards." He smirked, true mirth entering his smile, though it was dark and twisted. "I told him to go buck himself."

There was a long pause.

"I got knocked out, and the old people were all slaughtered anyway," he said after a moment. "After that, I got what most of those immune to the brainwashing get. I got inspected by Sparkle herself."

There was something off about the way he said the word "inspected", as though he was thinking of something far different. Twilight found her curiosity was at once piqued and repelled, but the greater part of her wanted answers - not only to help Desert Wind, but for her own morbid curiosity.

"Inspected?" she asked.

"She runs a bunch of magic 'tests' on anypony who's interesting in some way - immune to the brainwashing or to certain spells," Desert Wind said with a scoff. "Basically, it's torture. She finds out what spells you're immune to, if there's some alternative way of brainwashing you, some way to adapt the spell to make it more perfect. Turns out, though, I had no magical resistance as such - eight or nine fire spells and a few pain spells figured that one out." He grinned mirthless lay again. "No, I'm just plain stubborn: it's a thing some Earth Ponies have where you can't physically replace the reality or morals of their minds because we're so darn hardheaded."

"And after that?" Twilight asked, sickened by the very idea that any version of her was able to torture somepony like that.

"After that, I got sent to the Wall too," Desert Wind said, "but by then the damage was done. I knew what they were doing. I had seen them converting those people, seen them murder those they couldn't... and I'd seen how brave they could be. When Trixie's caravan came, I'd have done anything to get a place on it."

He paused, his eyes filled with melancholia.

"All I wish is that I could remember that song they sang," he said softly. "It was... it was... something about 'green and pleasant lands'." He scowled. "It's not important."

Twilight put a hoof on his shoulder. "I'll find it for you. I promise."

Desert Wind gave her a lopsided grin. "You don't have to."

"Anything for a friend," Twilight replied. Desert a Wind scowled for a moment, then sighed and smiled.

"Yeah," he said softly. "Friend." He took a deep breath. "Come on - best we get going, or we might end up being last."

"Right behind you," Twilight said as he walked off, smiling now that she knew she had been able to help somepony get past something.

***

Junction 32, three hours later.

Desert Wind stood at attention, Twilight next to him. Iron Gait was smirking slightly as the last few stragglers arrived. Desert Wind and Twilight had arrived second: Applejack and a Rarity had been waiting for them. Shortly after Desert Wind and Twilight came, tired and scratched by what could only be assumed to be brambles, Lyra and True Grit. Sapphire Steel had come with her partner, a mare named Purple Rose, about ten minutes after that. Eventually, almost everypony had returned except one pair.

Finally, the last pair - Pinkie Pie and Dipstick, both of whom were covered in confetti (poor Dipstick looking incredibly confused by the experience) - arrived, Pinkie grinning and Dipstick looking confused and upset.

"Private Dipstick!" Iron Gait yelled, sounding annoyed. "Do you want to explain why you and Private Pie are so darn late?!"

In reply, Dipstick pointed at Pinkie, who was grinning. Iron Gait raised an eyebrow.

"Private Pie?" the Sergeant asked. "You want to field the question?"

"Sir!" Pinkie said chirpily. "We had a walking-in-the-woods party, sir!"

"A walking... in the woods... party?" Gait repeated, eye twitching slightly.

"Sir, yes sir!" Pinkie replied chirpily. "Very enjoyable sir. There was cake and confetti!"

Iron Gait looked like he was torn between tearing Pinkie apart with words, or laughing his head off at the sheer ridiculousness of her statement. Eventually, he sighed heavily.

"Alright ladies and gentlecolts," he said, sounding tired, "now that everypony's back from their little strolls, finally, we're going to go on a little jog back to the castle. It's not more than five miles - should be a luxury for you ladies."

Desert Wind threw Twilight a look, and she just shrugged. They hadn't really expected their walk to be the last thing they had to do today, and Iron Gait had a habit of proving them right. Still, Twilight at least was happy that she had managed to make a friend in Desert Wind.

***

Leeds Base, February 16th, 2030.

Rainbow Dash stared slightly awkwardly at the silver shine of the metal blade in her first real flip out vambrace blade. It was the first time she had worn the metal version of the weapon and she found it a little awkward adjusting. The Bokken had been carefully weighted to be the same weight as these weapons, but the Bokken had a subtly different weighting in terms of where that weight was. The metal variant was lighter in some places and heavier in others.

"For those of you who've never worn one," Errant Flight said, looking around the members of Grey Squadron with a thoughtful expression, "I know this will be an unusual feeling. The vambrace blade feels different to the training blade. That is to be expected, since the weight is distributed differently. This next training course will be similar to the first one you had, with the targets set up in a similar manner, except that you'll be using the real weapon."

Rainbow threw a glance at Fluttershy, who looked suitably concerned about holding the real weapon. The other members of the squadron looked at the weapon with a mix of trepidation from those who were less experienced (Ditzy and True Blue especially, though Bright Wonder looked a little careful with the weapon too), and familiarity from the more experienced flyers, such as Dream Flyer and Swift Strike. Dark Wing especially looked very happy with the weapon.

"Theoretically, this weapon works like the weapon you are used to using," Errant Flight continued. "So you shouldn't have any trouble with it."

Fluttershy made a soft noise of fear, and Rainbow threw a glance her way. Everypony in the squadron knew that Fluttershy was the least comfortable with any kind of combat training: even attacking the training targets made her uncomfortable.

"Fluttershy," Errant Flight said softly, "as squadron medic, the standards we hold you to in terms of combat ability are somewhat lower than the rest of the squadron. You don't need to worry about meeting quite the same standard."

Fluttershy smiled softly. "Thank you," she said, barely audible.

Some of the squadron looked a little irritated, however, by Errant Flight's statement, and Fluttershy, noticing their irritation, quickly ducked her head in shame. Dream Flyer especially look irritated.

"Captain Flight, sir," the second in command of the squadron said softly to her superior, "might I have a word in private?"

Errant gave her a look filled with curiosity.

"Alright," he said quietly. "Come with me Commander. The rest of you wait here."

He and Dream Flyer walked off, standing some way away from the squadron.

"What do you reckon they're talking about?" Bright Wonder asked.

"Probably Fluttershy," Silver Spire said, looking somewhat apologetic. "No offence, Grey Twelve, but having a member of Grey Squadron who can't fight is a bit of a liability."

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash said angrily. "Fluttershy is not a liability!"

"What else would you call a fighter who doesn't have the guts to kill?" Solid Hoof asked, the gruff voiced pony sounding irritated. Hoof didn't speak much, and every time he spoke, everypony was slightly surprised.

"I have to agree with Dash, actually," Dark Wing added softly, surprising Rainbow Dash somewhat. "The kind of fighting we do requires having a medic on the team. I know the original Grey Squadron had a medic."

"That was Butter Mellow, yeah?" Swift Strike asked, looking curious.

"I think so," Dark Wing nodded.

"Point being, nopony should be saying Fluttershy doesn't belong!" Rainbow Dash said angrily.

"Um, it's ok," Fluttershy said softly.

"She has just as much right as anypony to be in this squadron!" Rainbow continued, not hearing her friend.

"It's ok, Rainbow!" Fluttershy said, speaking louder. Rainbow looked at her, eyes wide with incredulity. "I don't mind it if you guys don't think I should be in the squadron. Sometimes I don't think so either. I just try to do my best."

"All due respect, Fluttershy," Dark Wing said, "but when we start fighting, I get the feeling we're all going to be very grateful to have you in the team."

"Speak for yourself," Solid Hoof countered, looking irritated. "I would rather have a pony who I could trust to be able to kill the pony chasing me down than a pony to tend my paper cuts but would quail at killing to save my life."

Rainbow Dash looked thunderous at that, and even Dark Wing looked annoyed. Before anypony could continue, however, Errant Flight and Dream Flyer walked over. Errant looked angry and Dream Flyer looked slightly abashed.

"Alright," Flight said sternly. "It's been drawn to my attention that certain members of the squadron aren't happy with having Fluttershy present due to her comparatively low times on training courses and her low combat rating."

Certain members of the squadron looked at each other guiltily at the tone Flight adopted, but Solid Hoof looked unashamed.

"Well listen to me then," Flight continued, looking each of them in the eye. "I'm gonna tell you about my friend Butter Mellow."

He sat down, and began speaking. His tone was soft and melancholic, as though the memory brought great pain, but he had a soft smile upon his face, as though it also brought great happiness. The rest of the squadron listened intently: they had rarely heard Errant Flight discuss any part of the old Grey Squadron in detail.

"Butter Mellow was forty five when Grey Squadron was formed in 2025. He was one of the first Equestrian refugees in 2024, but he was unhappy with the idea of killing. Eventually, however, he joined the Resistance Air Force." Errant Flight smiled as he thought about his old friend. "He got assigned to Grey Squadron as it's medic, but he never once felt comfortable with fighting against ponies, never felt comfortable killing them. He could, but he hated it." Errant Flight paused, a sad smile on his face. "Most ponies in Grey Squadron killed something like thirty or forty flyers in their career, and some lost count: Ditzy, Lightning Dust, Swift Wing... Butter Mellow killed sixteen ponies over the course of his career, and he once told me he tried to remember the faces of every one."

Errant's smile faded slightly.

"Right before the battle of Manchester, we flew in a battle over the Isle of Mann." He paused thoughtfully. "A member of the squadron called Wall Flower went down in that fight. After the thing was over, we found Butter Mellow with him, trying desperately to bring him back. He might have spent a whole hour there, trying to keep our squadron mate from dying." Errant paused again. "We lost four ponies between our founding and Manchester. Silver Lining, Quiet Glide, Jaded Heart and Wall Flower. Butter Mellow took each death personally, feeling like he'd failed them all somehow. It never occurred to him that he'd probably saved half our lives at least a dozen times: I know for a fact he was the one keeping Lightning Dust from spiralling back into her self-destructive tendencies. He was compassionate; a father figure for the squad, where Ditzy was always the mother. I'm glad I knew him, and I was glad he was on the Squadron."

Errant took a moment to look at everypony, before looking at Fluttershy, who looked somewhat emba

"Fluttershy, I didn't just make you the medic because of your skills: part of me felt that having you be the medic made sense because you remind me of Butter Mellow. Like him, I think you have the potential to be the real heart of this team, as well as the potential to save a lot of lives." Errant's eyes turned back to Dream Flyer and the others. "And you might not be the best attack flyer, but your scores are more than acceptable for the Resistance Air Force's standards. Is that clear?"

The rest of the pilots murmured various affirmatives, and Errant nodded firmly.

"Alright then team," he said. "Let's get to those drills."

Murmuring their affirmatives, the group took off and headed to the drill area. As the group flew, Fluttershy moved to fly nearer to Dark Wing.

"Thank you for sticking up for me," she said softly.

"I owed you one," Dark Wing replied with a shrug as he flew, "and you're as much a member of this team as anypony. They didn't have a right to question it if the Captain didn't."

"Still, it was nice," Fluttershy said. "Thank you."

Dark Wing gave her a smile, and then flew ahead, leaving Fluttershy to ponder her position in the squadron. Sure, someponies didn't trust her in the squadron - but some of them did, and Errant Flight had told her that he believed she had a place. For him to tell her that made her feel a great deal better.

She shook her head as the squadron reached the training area. It was time to get to work, and she was sure she'd have a lot to do to keep up with everypony else.