The five friends and Twilight Sparkle set out south toward the Everfree Forest. It didn’t take long for Twilight to suspect that Nightmare Moon’s real plan was to saddle her with five crazy ponies and slowly drive her insane.

Rainbow Dash flew alongside her. “I can’t believe we need to adventure through the Everfree Forest, gather the Five Elements of Equilibrium and defeat Nightmare Moon to save the economy!”

“Thank you for the summary,” Twilight sighed.

“And all before dinner!”

Twilight frowned. “What?”

“I promised Scootaloo I would be home for dinner,” Rainbow Dash said. She wore a smug grin. “What, did nopony else think of that?”

Twilight flushed red. “We are going on a dangerous mission!”

“And the more dangerous the mission, the cooler I look making that promise,” Rainbow Dash said. “It’s called incentives. I read about it in some lame book about investing that didn't even have any good tips. Do you even know anything about economics?”

Twilight’s jaw dropped. Rarity sauntered past them.

“Now, now, Rainbow Dash,” she said. “Our dear economist probably never had the opportunity to apply her knowledge to the real world before. I am sure this is all very educational to her.”

Twilight gritted her teeth. “Yeah, textbook models are missing the part where evil Alicorns come back from the moon and threaten to destroy the world’s economy if you can’t gather the Elements of Equilibrium in time.”

“We all gotta learn at some point,” Applejack said. Apparently sarcasm was new to Ponyville. “You should write a better textbook when you get back, one with all the real world stuff in it.”

“I’ll help!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

“NO! I mean…no. Just no.”

Twilight kept walking and tried not to think about the dead weight that insisted on accompanying her like five clownfish nestled in the pouch of a suicidal seahorse swimming toward a battle with a shark AND NEVER SHUTTING UP THE WHOLE TIME I SWEAR TO CELESTIA I WILL—oh. Instead, she thought about the Everfree Forest.

The Everfree Forest existed about ten miles south of Ponyville—not much distance for a pony, especially one who exercised as regularly as Twilight (Twilight did everything regularly or not at all). Although, as Twilight understood it, the Everfree Forest had once covered Ponyville and, well, everything. It had been waiting for the Alicorns when they emerged from the caves after the Great Snow that ended the humans and their weird bicycles.

A gnarled tangle of black thorns that stretched across Equestria like Twilight’s hair across her pillow in the morning, the Everfree Forest was as magical as it was thoroughly hostile to pony life. Leading the surviving ponies, the Two Alicorns—for the Third had not yet ascended and might not have helped—strode forth, wielding the twin magicks of the sun and the moon to drive back the murderous weeds. Grass grew and flowers bloomed where the Everfree Forest gave way, and as the snow melted life returned. Ponies fed themselves on hay and oats and left plenty for the bunnies and mice. Hummingbirds and bees worked together to spread flowers across the fields, and one very confused bear stumbled out of a hollow log after a long and turbulent hibernation.

The Everfree Forest fought like a cat, sharp and biting from every angle, but the Diarchs could not be overcome—not until the Draconequus at its center revealed itself, but that was temporary and hardly worth mentioning. The Sisters shrunk the forest to a fraction of its size and sealed it off outside of what became Ponyville.

Perhaps, Twilight mused, some of its latent magic seeped through the ground into Applejack’s apple trees, and that was why the ponies there were so crazy.

This had all taken place about two thousand years ago. There were few reliable texts on the subject in the Canterlot library. Twilight’s information came straight from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.

Twilight had never been in the Everfree Forest. That dubious privilege was reserved to Princess Celestia. Rumor had it she sent misbehaving students at the Canterlot Academy for the Pony Sciences into the forest as a detention. It struck Twilight as wildly implausible, but since she had never received a single detention or made a single friend to ask, she had never had the opportunity to find out for herself.

And now she was venturing into the Everfree Forest where Nightmare Moon waited with her five traps set, the fate of Equestria riding on her shoulders, and all she could think about was that they were br—br—breaking rules.

Pinkie Pie poked her head into Twilight’s expositional narrative. "Wow, you got really sweaty all of a sudden! Like, really sweaty—"

Twilight pushed her out. Princess Celestia herself was in trouble. They were allowed to br—breeaaa—the Princess would understand. She would.

Rules were not all that barred ponies from entering the forest. After defeating the draconequus, the Sisters set a guardian at the entrance to the forest to scare away nosy, inquisitive, or just plain foolish ponies. Twilight tried to remember what it was.

Imagine a dog. Bigger. Bigger, about the size of a house. Give it three heads. That’s all there is to the Cerberus. As monsters go, it’s rather unimaginative.

As dull and plain a guardian the Cerberus is, the few ponies nosy, inquisitive, or just plain foolish enough to have stood in front of it tended to think less about its literary merits and more about the fact that each head has a mouth wide enough to swallow a pony whole, with teeth sharp enough to puncture metal armor and paws heavy enough to mangle a pony with a single swipe. Only a collar attached to a leash made of vine exactly as eternal as the moon and sun that stretched out of the shadow of the forest kept the Cerberus from rampaging, a leash that Twilight was relieved to see still bound the monster even as she kicked herself for not thinking of it sooner. This could have been a very short adventure if not for Nightmare Moon's mercy.

The Cerberus lunged forward, straining at its choker. It snarled and swiped its paws at the six ponies just out of reach. They yelled in alarm and reared back. Twilight readied her horn, and the Cerberus began to speak.

“Who would enter the Everfree Forest must honestly answer me these questions three,” the Cerberus said in a deep, rumbling voice, “ere the other side you see.”

The magic around Twilight’s horn fizzled out. “What?”

Applejack stepped forward. “I’m not afraid.”

Twilight facehoofed. "Applejack, could you let me come up with a plan first?"

"She has chosen to play the game," the Cerberus said. "She must answer or forfeit. Forfeit or answer any questions wrong, and the vine leash that binds me here will become as flexible as it needs to."

“I’ve never known any pony more honest than Applejack,” Rarity said. She sounded confident, but her face looked even whiter than usual. “She can answer the monster’s questions.”

"But it could be lying," Twilight said

Applejack gazed up at the Cerberus. "I believe it."

Twilight leaned over to Rainbow Dash and whispered in her ear, “I’m ready with a Vector Beam any time. Be prepared to swoop in and grab Applejack.” Rainbow Dash nodded.

All three of the massive dog’s black heads regarded the orange pony walking toward it. The leftmost one spoke. “What is your name?”

Applejack stopped. “I’m Applejack, sir, and I’d shake your paw howdy-do if I thought you’d let me.”

The rightmost head spoke. “What is your quest?”

“To seek the Five Elements of Equilibrium and defeat Nightmare Moon.”

The middle head asked its question. “What is the square root of five hundred and forty-six?”

“Mistakes ain’t the same as being dishonest,” Applejack said.

“It’s a test of honesty and negligence,” the Cerberus answered quickly. “Who can say but that you should have learned math? That’s not one of the questions.”

“Applejack!” Twilight said. “The answer is twenty-three point three six six six four two eight nine one zero nine!”

"Is that right?" Pinkie Pie asked. "Can we ever really know what truth is, or all we all merely gazing at shadows on the walls of a deep cave?"

"Yes, yes, no."

"I trust Twilight." Applejack smiled up at the three drooling heads of the monster. “Negligence? Listen, sugar, I’ve got friends. I can’t do everything, but where I am weak, they are strong.”

“We’re not friends!” Twilight felt a need to clarify that. “Anyway, it’s called the law of comparative advantage—ponies are better off specializing in a few things and cooperating with other ponies who are specialized in different things than trying to be a jack-of-all-trades. Ask it if it needs more decimal points. I can keep going!”

“Thank you, Twilight, and you too, Mr. Three Heads, for doing your duty,” Applejack said. She repeated Twilight’s answer.

“All right!” Rainbow Dash cheered. “Now we can enter the forest!”

But the Cerberus didn’t step aside. “No pony ever gets that,” it said. “I want a fourth question.”

“That’s not fair!” Twilight shouted. “You’re cheating.”

“He’s only cheating a little, Twilight,” Applejack said. “It’s all right if he only cheats a little.”

Twilight stared at the insane pony. "What?"

The three heads spoke. "What’s—"

"My—"

“Name?”

Applejack looked at the group of mortified ponies behind her. “I’m stumped. Y’all got any guesses?”

“One wrong guess and this leash of mine becomes very slack,” the Cerberus said. “Ponies run so slowly.”

“I—I don’t know!” Twilight rifled through her internal library, but nothing came up. The Cerberus didn’t have a…oh!

“It’s a trick question! It doesn’t have a name!”

“You don’t have a name,” Applejack said.

The three heads smiled. “Wrong.”

It stepped forward. The leash of vine stretched. Somepony screamed—probably Rarity—and Twilight nearly burnt out her horn trying to teleport and fire a Vector Beam at the same time. Even Rainbow Dash was barely a rainbow streak in the air when Applejack held out her hoof.

“Hold your horses. You cheated a little. I want to cheat a little too.”

To Twilight’s surprise, the Cerberus stopped. Great drops of drool that smelled like rotted meat and acid splashed around Applejack’s hoofs. “Go on.”

“I answered three of your questions, and so my friends deserve their passage through,” Applejack said. “That’s the honest truth and you know it. Now, I reckon it’s also true I didn’t answer your fourth question, but as I see it that’s on me and not them. You can eat me if you like, but fair’s fair. Let them pass.”

“Applejack, no!” Rainbow Dash was at her friend’s side in an instant. “You’re not sacrificing yourself!”

“I agreed to answer his questions or be eaten, and I always fulfill my obligations,” Applejack said. “But I reckon you ponies need me, so I don’t plan on being et just now.” She took off her hat and placed it on the ground in front of the giant dog, which sniffed at it with three sets of nostrils.

Applejack didn't lean away. "This is my hat. My mother wore it when she ran Sweet Apple Acres, and her mother wore it when she ran Sweet Apple Acres. I will come back for it, and then you can eat me if you want. Think of it as, uh…Twilight?”

Twilight started. “Huh?”

“What’s the word for a sort of thing that you lend a feller so he allows as you’re probably coming back?”

“Collateral,” Twilight said automatically.

“Right, that. So take my hat, and when we’re done saving Equestria, I’ll come back so we can finish our business.” Applejack looked the middle head in the eyes. “I trusted you. Now you’ve got to trust me.”

“Excuse me,” said the Cerberus in a soft, female voice. “But if you don’t let her go, I’ll destroy you. Um, but I hope we can still be friends."

Twilight blinked. What was happening?

“Fluttershy!” Rarity said. “What are you doing on the monster’s head?”

Now Twilight saw the yellow Pegasus barely visible among the thick knotted fur on the middle head’s scalp. What was that crazy pony up to?

Rainbow Dash appeared in front of Fluttershy, who let out a sad little scream at the sudden sight of her friend. “Fluttershy, what are you doing up here?”

“Well,” Fluttershy said, nervous at being the center of attention, “I had never seen a doggie-woggie this big before, so I just had to find out more about her. While you all were busy I was smoothing out the worst of the tangles in her fur and inspecting her skin. She has a very bad case of the fleas!”

"She?"

Fluttershy nodded. "I'm sure she's really a very sweet doggie."

“Doggie?” Rainbow Dash squeezed Fluttershy’s cheeks exasperatedly. “It’s a giant killer monster!”

Fluttershy directed her quiet voice to the nearest humongous ear. “I’m sure she didn’t mean that. But, um, I have something to say.” She trotted over to the ear, which twitched and perked up. Twilight guessed this didn’t happen very often to the fearsome Cerberus.

“I bet you don’t eat regularly," Fluttershy said. “Poor doggie. Somepony ought to feed you a steak. In fact, if you eat my friend now, I’ll come back with a steak. A nice, big, juicy red steak.” The ear twitched again. Drool flooded out of the Cerberus’s three mouths like a stomach acid waterfall.

“But this will be a special steak,” Fluttershy continued. “It will have something funny in it. It will make you feel funny. Not in a good way. I’m telling you this now, but you won’t be able to resist, will you? A big, hungry dog like you? No, you’ll eat the steak, and the next one too, and the one after that. Each one will have something different. Each one will be worse.

“Maybe you won’t eat the next steak. But I’ll leave it there and come back with another one the day after. How long can you resist the smell of fresh, juicy steak? How long before the urge to rip into the tender, meaty flesh overwhelms you? You’ll whine, you’ll growl, you’ll tug at your collar and scratch at the ground, trying to distract yourself, to fight the desire, but you’ll lose. You’ll eat the steak. And guess what? It will be a normal, delicious steak.

“Now you don’t know what to think. Each steak hurts you, but you can’t stop eating them. When you try, you remember the one from before, the one that was just an ordinary steak, and you give in again. Every day is torture. Soon you learn to fear the sound of my wings. You hate the smell of meat. You bite the inside of your mouth to keep from eating. You bleed, and you still eat.

“One day, I bring you a particularly special steak. I tell you this. You know, and you eat it anyway. You’re glad. You’re happy it’s over. This one doesn’t hurt you at all. It puts you to sleep, a nice, gentle sleep. And the next day, Princess Celestia has to find a new guardian for the Everfree Forest.

“Applejack made a promise, and I’m making one too. Let her through…or I come back.”

It took a full minute before Twilight noticed her open mouth was aching. Everypony else was similarly affected, even the Cerberus, whose saliva had dried up in the wake of Fluttershy’s speech.

Slowly, carefully, the Cerberus plucked Applejack’s cowpony hat from the ground gingerly with its—her claws and placed it on her middle head. “Please—go. Even you, the answerer, I trust you to return. Take the yellow one and go.”

“Oh, that look is so not you!” Rarity exclaimed.

Everypony stared at her.

“What? That was terrifying!”

“Excuse me, but I’d like to come down now,” Fluttershy said.

Rainbow Dash slapped her on the back, eliciting a “Ow” from her fellow Pegasus. “That was awesome! Remind me never to get on your bad side. Need help?” Fluttershy nodded mutely, and Rainbow Dash carried her down.

Fluttershy was a Pegasus who was scared of heights but faced down a Cerberus like it was nothing. Twilight wasn’t sure what to make of that.

When she had deposited Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash jabbed Applejack in the chest. “Never do that again. We’re not letting you sacrifice yourself no matter what!”

Applejack smiled. “You’re sweeter than an apple, but I always keep my promises. We’ll be heading on through now, Ms. I-Don't-Know-Your-Name.”

The guardian beast stepped aside. Surrounding Applejack on all sides, the ponies walked through the narrow opening between the black bramble and sharp thorn and were swallowed by the darkness. Next Chapter: Pinkie Pie's Test: Uncertainty Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 25 Minutes