Teardrops and Snowflakes

Chapter 5

Twilight awoke suddenly. What had happened? She didn’t remember falling asleep. Where was she? Looking around she saw she was in a dark hallway that extended as far as she could see in either direction, the only light coming from candles lining the walls every few feet. She shuddered; this place gave her the creeps.

Muffled voices came floating down the hallway. Angry voices. Twilight investigated, and as she got closer the voices became clearer. They were familiar, but she couldn’t quite place them. Eventually a door could be seen embedded in the wall, flanked on either side by the flickering candles. Twilight thought about knocking, but instead put her ear to the door.

“Why won’t you leave me alone!? I just want to be happy, and you keep ruining it!” The first voice argued passionately.

“And if it doesn’t work out? What then? I get to deal with all of the sadness, the hurt, the anger… have you even thought about this? Oh wait! Of course you haven’t! You never do!” The second voice retorted, angrier than the first voice.

Twilight pulled her head away from the door and gave it a quizzical look. Were the voices the same? Twilight listened again.

“B… but what if it does work? What… what if everything works out? We would both be happy then! Isn’t that possibility worth it!? The voice broke down into forlorn sobs.

Twilight’s heart went out to the pony that voice belonged to. She wanted to comfort them and tell them everything would be alright. The other voice only seemed angrier though.

“It’s not even a possibility! Think for just a second! There’s no reason that it should work! What are you going to do? Just waltz up to her and tell her everything? Yeah, I’m sure that will work out beautifully!” Scorn dripped from the voice like acid.

“I love her!”

“You don’t even know what love is!”

Twilight didn’t know exactly what was going on, but she was tired of the way the other pony was being treated. She tried to turn the knob, but the door was locked. Twilight focused and ripped the door off its hinges with magic, anger giving her strength.

Jumping into the room, Twilight yelled out even as she searched for the source of the voices. “Leave her alo…” Twilight froze mid-shout. Staring back at her were two pairs of violet eyes. One pair was teary and forlorn. The other was disgusted and annoyed. Both pairs were staring at her in alarm.

Twilight Sparkle was looking at herself. Two of herself.

Twilight took and involuntary step back. “What… what… how?”

The angry Twilight Sparkle softened for a moment and held up a hoof. “Twilight, calm down… we can explain this.”

The teary-eyed Twilight Sparkle nodded in agreement, her sadness forgotten. “Yeah, just don’t freak out okay?”

Twilight sank down to her haunches and began to shake uncontrollably. She had finally snapped. She was crazy and she would never see her friends or Princess Celestia or her parents or Trixie ever again. She would just stay in this room and have conversations with herself all day, everyday. Teardrops fell from her eyes. She didn’t want to be crazy.

Angry Twilight let out a sigh. It wasn’t a sigh of annoyance however, but a sigh of sympathy. She came over to the shaking mare and put a hoof around her. “Alright now… shhh. You aren’t crazy, and you will see your friends again. Shhh.”

Twilight stopped shaking and looked up at angry Twilight. How did this… this copy know what she was thinking?

Angry Twilight chuckled. “I’m not a copy Twilight. Not exactly.” She stopped and glanced towards sad Twilight, the previous annoyance clear on her face. “Well come on! I’m not going to explain this by myself.”

As sad Twilight walked over, Twilight moved out of angry Twilight’s comforting grasp. She moved until both Twilights were in her vision. “Explain what?”

The two Twilights looked at each other. Sad Twilight smirked. “Well go on then! You are the smart one after all. You remind me of that every single day.”

Muttering darkly, angry Twilight shook her head and sighed. “Alright, fine. But you’re going to do your share of explaining the hard stuff.” Looking at Twilight, she continued. “Okay Twilight, I’m going to put this as simply as I can. I don’t know how you’re here, but that doesn’t really matter right now. What does matter is that you understand where you are. You’re in… well… you.”

Twilight gazed at angry Twilight with a blank look on her face. “I’m in… me?” She looked down at herself. “How is that even possible?”

Angry Twilight grimaced in frustration. “Okay, that was a bad way to put it. More specifically, you’re in your own psyche.”

Twilight met her even gaze with a look of confusion. “Okay, let’s say I am in my own psyche. Who are you two then?”

Angry Twilight gave her a sheepish smile. “Well…  I’m your brain, and she,” Here she tilted her head towards sad Twilight, “is your heart.”

Twilight digested this information for a moment. Then she started pacing around the room, muttering half to herself, half to Brain and Heart. “Great! So I actually am crazy. What’s next? Is Trixie going to come through the door and toy with my emotions again? Is Spike going to come in here and, I dunno, breathe fire on me?”

Brain stepped towards her. “Twilight, I told you. You aren’t cra--”

Twilight cut her off. “No! Shut up! I’m either crazy or this is a dream!” Here Twilight hit herself with a hoof, eliciting a cry of pain. “And since I felt that, this isn’t a dream!” She sank to her haunches again, but, instead of crying, Twilight just sat there looking confused and forlorn.

Brain looked at Heart with a helpless expression. “Your turn.”

Heart looked back, aghast. “What am I supposed to do!? You’re her rational side. If she won’t listen to you she’s not going to listen to me!”

Brain closed her eyes, attempting to keep her composure. “Well we have to do something!” She said through gritted teeth. “She can’t stay here.”

“Hey.”

Brain and Heart turned to look at Twilight. She was giving them a questioning look. “What were you two arguing about before I got here?”

Heart spoke up before Brain could, sadness and hurt settling back onto her features. “That meany won’t leave you and me alone! We just want to love Trixie but she keeps bringing up the worst case scenarios!”

Brain became indignant. “Well that’s because you aren’t thinking about this at all! We’ve been over this before; she has no reason to love you! What have you done for her huh?”

Heart’s expression fell. She really didn’t know the answer to that. “W… well I… It doesn’t matter! Not everything can be solved with logic and reason and thinking! Sometimes you just have to go for it!”

Brain stomped her hooves in exasperation. “What are you even talking about!? Of cour-”

“SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU!”

Brain and Heart jumped, their argument forgotten. Twilight was angry. Very angry.

Seeing that she had their attention, Twilight continued through gritted teeth. “Now you both listen to me. If you really are my Heart and my Brain, it’s no wonder I’m crazy! Heart, Brain is right. You can’t justify things by just saying they’re true.”  Brain shot Heart a haughty look; one that said “Hah! Told you!” Twilight took notice. “Don’t look so smug! You’re wrong too! Not everything can be justified with reason and logic. If you don’t believe me, just look at Pinkie Pie! According to logic, she shouldn’t be able to… to… to do anything she does! And yet I see it everyday!”

Heart and Brain looked at the ground, shuffling their hooves. They had both acted like foals, and they knew it. Twilight waited a moment, letting the shame sink in, and then continued in a softer tone. “Now listen, you have to stop arguing. I can’t take it anymore. I feel like I’m being torn apart.” Twilight looked away and shook her head. She wouldn’t cry now. She had cried too much over the past few days.

Heart and Brain looked at each other. They had been arguing for so long that they had forgotten how much it affected Twilight. Heart spoke first. “We’re sorry Twilight... we’ll stop arguing okay? We really do just want to help you; we just forget what that means sometimes.”

Brain nodded. “Yeah, we’ll either work out a compromise or we’ll just leave each other alone. You’re the one who’s suffering because of our mistakes. I should have seen that before.”

Twilight let out a shuddering sigh, getting herself under control. “It’s okay, I forgive you guys.” She yawned. Suddenly she was so tired. “So, let’s pretend for a second that I’m not crazy… how do I get out of here?”

Twilight watched her brain and her heart look at each other. She knew what was coming. Brain decided to deliver the news. “Well, we… ah… don’t actually know. Technically you shouldn’t even be here.”

Twilight knew that the news should have frightened her or made her sad or something, but the only thing she felt was tired. Infinitely, indescribably tired. She slowly sank to the floor, lying on her side. “Well you guys… you guys are no help.”  She closed her eyes, unable to keep them open anymore. She felt… light.

Heart noticed what was happening and gasped, the sound causing Twilight to open her eyes. Heart was staring at her flank, eyes full of wonderment and fear. She glanced back herself and saw… nothing. Her flank was missing, as were her back legs.

Again, Twilight yawned. “Great. I really am… crazy.” She finally gave up trying to stay awake and rested her head on her front hooves. She heard the voices of her brain and her heart speaking, but she couldn’t discern which was which. They sounded so far away.

Finally, Twilight slipped into the embrace of sleep. As she did her body faded completely, leaving her heart and her brain alone once again.

Twilight awoke once again, but this was different. Everything hurt. Her head was pounding, her flank burned, and she felt woozy and lightheaded. She was also absolutely ravenous. The only positive thing she noticed was that the bed she was lying in was extremely soft and warm.

Wait…

Twilight’s eyes shot open and she surveyed her surroundings. She was in a medium-sized room that was sparsely furnished. The dark, hardwood floors were covered with soft, mint-colored rugs. The walls were made out of the same hardwood, and were bare except for three windows on each of the longer walls. The only furniture in the room was the bed she was lying in, a desk covered in papers, a stove, and a tub. It was as if somepony tried to make this one room into an entire house. A door was embedded in the far wall.

Twilight’s first thought was to find out where she was, and whose room this was. She slowly crawled out of the bed and put weight on her hooves, only to fall to the ground making a loud thump and causing her to moan in pain. What was wrong with her? She felt like she had been tossed down a staircase or three. The burning in her flank was the worst though. She looked to see what was causing the searing sensation.

A thick bandage covered her flank, held on by wrappings that went around her entire body. Now that she was focusing on it, she could smell the antiseptic. It wasn’t a professional job, but it looked like it would hold up. Twilight wondered why she needed a bandage.

The memory of the attack came back with a vengeance. The wolves, her fire, the claws… no wonder it burned. Twilight tried to stand again, but only succeeded in crashing back down to the floor. This time she let out a small yell as tears sprang to her eyes. Twilight was at a loss. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t use magic, she was in excruciating pain and she had no idea where she was. What was she supposed to do now? Panic threatened to overwhelm her, but before it did the door to the room began to open. Twilight looked up and held her breath; she didn’t know who—or what—to expect.

The door opened and The Great and Powerful Trixie stepped through, an uncharacteristic look of concern etched on her face.

Twilight could only stare in disbelief.

Trixie saw Twilight lying on the floor, and stepped towards her, her look of concern morphing into a look of pure worry. “Twilight, are you alright?”

Twilight’s mind refused to form a coherent thought. Trixie’s voice was like honey to her ears. She just stared, her mouth hanging open.

Trixie got closer. She was now only a foot away from Twilight. “Twilight? Can you speak? Do you know who I am? Why are you staring at me like that?”

Twilight couldn’t take her eyes off Trixie’s face. The showmare’s eyes drew her into their depths and held her there with a magic all their own. The lightheadedness form before was intensified because of Trixie’s proximity.

Trixie was at a loss. Concentrating, she gently picked Twilight up with her magic and put her back on the bed. Twilight, for her part, never lost eye contact with her. Trixie stood next to the bed for a moment longer, then turned to leave. She didn’t know what else to do; until Twilight managed to talk and explain what had happened, she just… had no idea what to do.

Turning broke Twilight’s eye contact, and it was as if a spell really had been broken. Twilight shook her head a little, then noticed what Trixie was doing. “No!” She and Trixie both flinched. Twilight had yelled a little louder than she had meant to. When Trixie turned, a quizzical look on her face, Twilight continued in a quieter tone, blushing as she did so. “Don’t leave yet…”

Trixie, luckily, didn’t notice the blush as she stepped to the side of the bed. “So you can talk. For a moment I thought you had suffered brain damage. How… uh… how are you feeling?”

Twilight shrugged, not making eye contact. “Not great… how did you find me? How long have I been out? Where am I?”

Trixie held up a hoof, stemming the tide of questions. “One thing at a time Twilight. You’re in my new trailer and you’ve been out for four days. At least, you’ve been out for four days since I found you, I don’t know how long you were out before that.”

Twilight shot Trixie a surprised look. “Four days? You… you took care of me for four days?”

Trixie was taken aback by the question. Twilight was malnourished, hurt, missing four days of her life, had no idea what was going on, and that was what she was surprised by? The notion made her a little angry. “What is that supposed to mean? You think The Great and Powerful Trixie should have left you there to die? You think that The Great and Powerful Trixie is cold and heartless!?”

Twilight withered under her gaze. “No! That… that’s not what I meant. It’s just…”

Trixie narrowed her eyes. “Just what?”

Twilight turned her face away from Trixie, steeling herself. When she was ready she looked Trixie in the eyes. “Do… do you hate me?”

It was Trixie’s turn to be surprised. That was not the question she was expecting. She paused for a moment, her mind searching for an answer. By the time she answered, Twilight was almost ready to cry. She knew what the pause meant.

“I hated you for a long time Twilight Sparkle. A very, very long time. For a while I even thought about coming back to Ponyville and finding a way to humiliate you for what you did to me. But… the more I thought about it and the farther I got away from Ponyville, the more I realized that you weren’t trying to show me up. You were just trying to protect the town and your friends. As much as I hate to admit it, and trust me, I hate to admit it, all of the humiliation I suffered I brought on myself with my boasting. So no, I don’t hate you.”

Twilight felt a surge of happiness rise up and engulf her. She hugged Trixie before she even knew what she was doing. Trixie’s coat was so soft… Twilight felt like she was hugging a cloud. The scent she had come to adore washed over her, stronger than ever. Twilight’s happiness turned into bliss. Then she realized what she was doing.

Twilight jerked back as quickly as she could, her eyes wide with horror. “Oh… oh gosh… I’m so sorry! I don’t know what came over me!”

Trixie was staring at Twilight, a dumbfounded look on her face. She didn’t know whether to be angry or happy or… she didn’t even know. For the first time ever, The Great and Powerful Trixie was at a loss for words.

Twilight shifted uncomfortable under Trixie’s stare, her face getting hotter and redder every second. She didn’t know what to do. What she did know was that if she didn’t do something she would probably lose any chance she had to tell Trixie her feelings. “Hey… um… do you know where my saddlebags are?”

Trixie replied, but it was as if she was far away. “Yeah, they’re under the bed.”

Relief washed over Twilight. She thought for sure that she wouldn’t have them. “Did you look through them?”

The question knocked Trixie out of her stunned state. Unfortunately, it knocked her back into an annoyed one. “No I didn’t look in them! What do you think the Great and Powerful Trixie is? Some common thief!?”

Twilight barely noticed. She knew that the look on Trixie’s face when she saw what was in her saddlebags would be worth it. “Bring them out and look in them! There’s something in them that I think you’ll want to see.”

Trixie almost refused, but something in Twilight’s eye made her rethink the decision. Magically pulling out Twilight’s saddlebags from where they lay under the bed, she undid the latch and looked in.

Twilight watched Trixie’s face intently. She saw how Trixie’s expression changed from annoyed to curious and from curious to disbelieving. Finally, Trixie did something that Twilight never thought she would see Trixie do.

She began to cry.

Trixie pulled the hat and the cape out of the bags with her hooves, teardrops falling onto the purple material. She stood there, her body shaking while she held the items close to her chest, like they were precious, fragile jewels.

Suddenly Trixie dropped the items and grabbed Twilight in a crushing hug. Twilight reacted without thinking and hugged her back, the previous feeling of bliss returning. She heard Trixie speaking through her tears of joy. “Thank you Twilight Sparkle. You don’t know how much this means to me. I promise I’ll find a way to pay you back.”

Twilight would ask about that later. For now, she hugged Trixie tighter and inhaled the sweet, refreshing scent of jasmine and mint. For now, Twilight was in heaven.