“Will you stop squirming for five seconds so I can put this on you?”

“But it’s iiiiiitchy!”

Frowning, I jerked the cloth that I was wrapping around Ares’ neck, causing him to stumble forward with a yelp.

“Watch where you’re pulling, sister!” My human squeaked, trying not to fall on his face. Rolling my eyes, I patted out his soon-to-be toga, trying to smooth out the rough cotton while trying to figure out how the hay I was going to wrap the toga around Ares so it wouldn’t fall off.

“Will you stop complaining?” I grumbled. “You’re only making this whole beginning process harder for the two of us.”

Remember when I said that my little ponies were sometimes a little tedious to be around? Well, this went doubly so when they were about to celebrate something. There were rituals that you had to go through—us putting togas on at five in the morning being one of them— and we were going to have them heaped onto us for the party.

What would usually warrant a few days of rest and relaxation for the normal pony was two days of ceremonies, greetings and meetings, and watching over, and doing, things that I’d rather not do...

...I’ll never forget the look on my subjects faces when I told them that I wasn’t going to sacrifice a bunny for some household god that was supposed to protect the crystal castle…

Anyway, like I said before, I was trying to help wrap my human up in a presentable toga fashion. Never mind that he almost looked like a mummy from the waist down

Ares looked at his cloth prison before gently taking what was left of the cloth—since we didn’t have anything his size, a few of the castle’s maids had stitched together two table cloths—out of my magic and started to try to unwrap himself.

“Candy, not that I don’t… appreciate you trying to make me look fancy for this party, but do I really need to put this thing on?”

I nodded, levitating my toga toward me. “Of course, Ares,” I said while he, in his underwear and shaking a little bit from the cold, walked over with his giant bundle of cloth in his hands and sat on our bed. “A toga has a very important place in the Crystal Empire’s culture.”

Because I had done this before—the Crystal Empire had a lot of holidays where you needed to wear these things—I wrapped the cloth around my body with practiced ease, starting near the base of my tail “They help show status, togetherness, and they’re supposed to be our napkins for the rest of this festival.”

I looped it around my back legs a few times, then around my barrel, leaving room for my wings so I could move them if I wanted to. “Now come over here and hold this end of this cloth while I finish this up.”

What many ponies don’t know—and they should wake up every morning thankful of that fact—was that, even if you knew how to do it, putting on a toga was hard. These weren’t something you could go out and work in; these were things that showed your wealth, showed that you could walk around in something that no sane pony would wear because you were better than ‘normal’ ponies.

While some would wear the finest material that they could afford—spider silk with pearls and diamonds and such—I decided just to wear a simple pink-dyed wool cloth. Nothing fancy, but it got the job done and it’d keep me warm when it got cold at night.

Putting the finishing touches on my toga and holding the end of it with a hoof, I giggled and asked Ares, “How do I look?”

My human looked over at me and whistled. “Looking good, Candy,” he said, hopping off the bed and walking toward me, “but how are you going to walk around when you need to hold that bit of cloth there?”

I looked down at said end of cloth with a small frown. “I’m just going to have to hold it.” I hummed in thought. “Or maybe I could tie it around my leg so it won’t slip or anything.”

Ares snorted. “Why don’t you just use a clothespin?” he asked, poking at my toga while I looked up at him in awe.

It took me a minute to collect myself before I could say, “How did I never think of that?” With a spell, I pulled a pin out of a cupboard and fixed myself right up. Smiling, I leaned up and kissed Ares on the cheek. “Thanks, honey,” I said, watching as he ran over and hopped onto the bed, groaning.

“Can’t we get a few more hours of sleep?” He yelled through a pillow while I, being very careful, walked over and crawled into the bed with him. He rolled over and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against his chest while I nuzzled the nape of his neck.

“We only got like three hours of sleep,” my human said while I laid a wing over him.

“We need to get up and go outside.” I told him, though I didn’t move from my increasingly comfortable position. “If we aren’t up before the sun rises, there’s going to be ponies knocking on our door.”

“Can’t we just write your aunt a letter asking her if she could raise the sun at like nineish?”

I giggled, giving his neck a playful little bite. “Come on, we’ve got to get you in that toga. It’ll warm you up and keep you from shivering like you are.”

He just let out a little growl, reaching down, grabbing, and throwing our blanket over us. “I wouldn’t be shaking if it wasn’t freezing in here,” he quietly complained, closing his eyes. “Come on, I’m sure that a few hundred ponies won’t notice us missing if we just sleep a little more.”

I tried to push him away so I could drag him out of bed and get him in his toga. “Come on, we have to get up,” I repeated, really resisting the urge to close my eyes. It was getting harder for me to stay awake, and I—

“Are you two ready to PARTY?!” Someone yelled from the door, pounding on it a moment later while Ares tried to cover his head with a pillow.

“Noooooo!” he moaned, trying to hide under the covers. “Flash, I’m going to throw you out a window with something heavy wrapped around your furry ass!”

Trying hard not to laugh, I called, “Flash, could you come in here and help me get Ares out of bed?” I was able to roll myself out of Ares’ grasp with only a little bit of regret. “He’s trying to go back to sleep!”

The door flew open, and Flash, decked out in a plain white toga, trotted through it with a happy smile on his face. “Morning princess!” he said with a little salute.

You mean it’ll be morning in a few hours, I mused, looking at the big pillow and blanket cocoon that Ares was making himself. “Good morning, Flash,” I greeted, while an exhausted-looking Echo sluggishly made her way through the door.

“Don’t forget about me,” she muttered, yawning and rubbing her eye with a hoof. “The life of the *yawn* party has just entered the room.”

“Oh, hello, Sergeant,” I said, giving Ares another poke to try to get him to stop being a baby so he could get his toga on. “How was your night? Did you sleep well?”

The mare twisted her neck sideways sharply, a loud crack making me shudder. “Sleep? Ha, I wish,” she muttered, hopping onto the bed and nudging Ares with a hoof. “I’m not going to be getting any sleep for about a week or so.”

I frowned. “Why? Is there something the matter with your chambers?”

She waved my concern away. “Nah, I’m still just trying to get used to staying awake during the day.” She hopped on top of Ares’ little fort and sat down, a muffled muttering about bat horses coming from under the covers. “I’ve been trying to get adjusted for a while but I still have a ways to go.”

“You didn’t get any sleep on the train ride here?” I asked, now legitimately concerned for her health.

“Nope, I was just staring at the ceiling for the last two days.” She yawned again, covering her mouth with a hoof. “But don’t worry about me, princess, a soldier is used to a lack of sleep.”

I trotted closer to her and gently grabbed her face, frowning when I saw her bloodshot eyes and the bags under them. She looks exhausted, I thought, taking a step away from her.

“You should have told me that you weren’t able to fall asleep, Sergeant,” I gently chastised, a spell that would help the poor mare coming to mind after thinking for a minute. “I might not know as many sleeping spells as Luna but I know one that’ll knock you right out for a good twelve hours. Here, let me cast it on you so you can go back to the barracks and get some sleep.”

She just rubbed her eyes again. “Thank you for the offer P—“

I hit her with the sleep spell before she could finish her sentence, the mare stopped and glared at me while I smiled. “It wasn’t an offer, Sergeant,” I said, lifting her off the bed and putting her back onto the floor. “I can’t have my guards killing themselves for no good reason other than some silly pride.”

“It’s my job to keep the monkey here safe, Princess,” Echo replied with a huff, sitting down and crossing her forelegs. “A little sleep deprivation is nothing.”

I nudged her with a wing toward the door. “Well, it’s something to me, Sergeant, so go to your bed before that spell takes effect.”

“The party’s going to last days, Sergeant,” Flash said, finally pepping up. “I’ll make sure that Ares and the princess are looked after, so you don’t have to worry about anything.”

The mare looked at the two of us before blowing a raspberry. “Alright,” she said, walking toward the door. “If I don’t have a choice in the matter then I guess I’ll get some sleep.”

“You do that,” I said, looking at Flash. “Flash, could you escort the Sergeant to the barracks and make sure that she makes it to her bed? While you’re doing that I’ll keep trying to get Ares out of bed.”

Flash nodded, following Echo out the door. “I’m on it, Princess,” he said cheerfully while he adjusted his toga.

How the hay is he so awake right now? I pondered before poking Ares one more time. “Come on, my little human, we have to get to the party soon.”

I got no response.

“Come on, I’m serious.”

Still nothing.

Frowning, I said, “Ares, if you don’t get out from under those covers right now then I’m going to go into that little fort you made yourself and make you get out from under those covers.”

All I got for that was a muffled snort.

Nodding, I hopped onto of the bed and forced myself under the covers, my horn glowing with a little lighting spell, finding my human curled up in a little ball with his hands covering his eyes. “No,” he murmured, while I leaned over, nuzzled my way through his hands, and gave him a little peck on the lips.

“Come on, I think I know how to put the toga on you this time,” I promised, giving him another, longer, kiss, which he sleepily returned after a second. “We’ll go out and say hello to my subjects, get something to eat, and have a good time.” I kissed him again, adding a little tongue this time, thanking every deity that I could think of that Ares’ didn’t have morning breath. For a second he tensed, but eventually wrestled with my tongue for a minute before breaking the kiss.

“We can sleep in tomorrow if you want, but we need to be at some of the opening ceremonies,” I whispered, giving his nose a little bite, “so get out of that bed and let me get you dressed.” He tried to grab me but I swatted his hands away with my magic and started to nuzzle his face a little harder.

“Cannnndy, leave me alone!”

“Come on, my silly human; it’s time to rise and shine and start the day!”

Grumbling, Ares slowly uncurled himself from his little ball and crawled out from the covers, trying to get away from my nuzzles until he fell out of the bed with an ‘oomph!’

Hopping out of the bed with a smile, I remade our bed and put my human back on his feet with a spell. “There we go, Ares!” I brightly said, grabbing his toga cloth. “Now hold still while I figure out where to start with your wrappings.”

Flash trotted through the door with a little skip. “Mornin’ Ares!” he said with a happy smile.

Ares spread his arms wide, letting me start under one of his arms, looking down at my guard in contempt with his bloodshot, and exhausted looking, eyes. “Go die in a fire, Flash.”

////~~@@~~////

Shining’s train ride back to Canterlot was a calm, if boring, little trip that could’ve taken a lot longer in his mind. Even with all of the mental prepping, all of the pep-talks while looking in a bathroom mirror, he still couldn’t help but feel nervous as he set his hooves down on the wooden-plank floors of the train station.

Thank Faust that I didn’t tell anypony that I was coming back today, he thought to himself, quickly getting out of the way of a group of what looked like tourists, who rushed past him with cameras at the ready.

Sure, it was a little rude, if not mean, of him to just show up out of the blue, but now he could attack this any way he wanted. He could go talk to the princesses first, or maybe he could drop in on his family and see how they’re doing, or he could take the low road, not do any of these things and just go to Pony Joe’s while he tried to work up the courage to talk to anyone.

After a very brief but telling inner battle, the stallion sighed. “It looks like I’m getting donuts then,” he muttered, slowly trotting out of the train station and toward the market district.

“I mean, that’s probably the best place to go right now,” he continued to mutter, weaving through crowds of ponies. “Everypony likes donuts, so I can get a dozen of those jelly-filled ones that mom and dad like to help ease anything that might need easing when I see them.”

After a little bit of walking, Shining reached the familiar little donut shop; a place where the local teenagers loved to go, where the A on the window was as real as you wanted it to be, and an establishment that always looked like it was going to fall over if it was nudged too hard.

Why Joe just didn’t go to a different location always baffled Shining, but the unicorn was always steadfast.

“It’s a good spot here,” Joe had said when Shining, on a drunken binge with a few of his friends, had asked the question. “I’m close to the castle so there’s always guard ponies coming in and out, which keeps me from getting robbed, and if I moved it’d take my customers days to find where I relocated myself; ‘cause I’d be an idiot and forget to tell them where I was setting shop.”

Shining walked through the slightly dirty glass doors absentmindedly. “You know, I could get those sugar covered donuts that the princess likes so when she demands to know why I ran away from Canterlot, without telling anyone but Cadence, she won’t fry me with a spell.”

The thought of a horribly angry Celestia suddenly grinning stupidly when he presented her with a box of donuts flashed through Shining’s mind, making him chuckle as he sat down at the counter and looked over at his longtime friend, the stallion himself, Pony Joe.

Said stallion was looking over at him—there wasn’t much space behind the counter so they weren’t that far from each other to begin with—with a small smile.

“Hiya, Shining,” Joe calmly said, walking toward him and leaning on the counter. “Haven’t seen you in a while.” He raised an eyebrow. “You look like you have something that you need to get off your chest, big guy, care to talk about it with your ol’ chum?”

Shining chuckled, putting his head on the counter. “You know what, Joe? I could actually use some advice.”

!!!!~~#~~!!!!

“—And may the gods of ice and fire be pleased by these sacrifices of gold, myrrh, and silk, so that—“

Please let this be over soon, I pleaded, trying to keep myself from slouching in my seat as I tried to pay attention to what a pony in front of a sacred fire—which had supposedly been kept burning since the empire’s founding—was saying; a high priest of something or other, I can’t for the life of me remember what that pony was a priest of.

Maybe he kept that giant fire lit? Or maybe he just did this on weekends or something? All I knew was that this pony had fancy robes on and was talking to my subjects, so that made him the high priest of whatever ceremony I was watching.

For some reason, everypony that was participating in Ares’ and my party—which was pretty much everypony—had to convene at the seventh hill, one of the seven that made up the city, so we could all listen to this pony beg the old, old gods for this to be a grand and amazing festivity.

This was the reason that I was having a hard time not falling asleep like Ares, who I was pretty sure had already fallen asleep but somehow painted eyes on his eyelids when I wasn’t looking. That was the only explanation that my hyper-bored mind could come up with because I could even see a few of my subjects hiding yawns; there’s no way that Ares wouldn’t be bored out of his mind by something like this.

It wasn’t the prayer itself that was boring; it was the voice of the pony that was giving it. Imagine the most boring, sleep-inducing voice that you’ve ever heard and multiply it by a thousand, then you’ll get close to what this stallion sounded like. He was like every math teacher I had ever had all rolled up onto one slightly pudgy pony in a silly robe.

Leaning over toward my human, I whispered, “Ares… ARES!” Making sure that nopony was looking, I nudged hard him with a wing.

Ares cocked his head toward me with a raised eyebrow. “Yes, Candy?” he said. “Did you need something?”

…Oh, he wasn’t asleep, I thought, frowning in slight disappointment. “I was just making sure that you weren’t sleeping,” I told him, resisting, once again, the urge to yawn.

He smiled, reaching over and tickling my side. “Oh, is Candy bored?” he asked, amused.

“Are you not bored?” I asked, grabbing his hand with my hooves and guiding it toward my belly. Ares and I were seated in the balcony of this house that looked over this fire, with Flash guarding the entrance, so most of my subjects couldn’t see us. It probably couldn’t be a better location for public belly rubs, so I was going to take advantage of it.

Rolling his eyes, my human got up from his seat, picked me up, sat down in my seat, and put me in his lap. Wrapping his arms around me and scratching my belly, he muttered, “Not really.” I wiggled back into his chest, trying to make myself more comfortable. “I actually find things like this pretty interesting; it’s neat when you get to see other peoples’ culture, you know?”

I tried not to giggle when he gave my chest a little tickle. “Well, it should be over in about an hour or so, so we can go and get something to eat before we go see the jousting.”

Ares pressed his head against my neck, giving me a little kiss. “And we’ll have to watch that through the whole way, huh?”

I nodded before stifling a yawn; the priest’s voice coupled with what my human was doing was making it harder and harder to stay awake. “For today we’ll have to watch everything, but we can do whatever we want tomorrow or the next day.”

My human hummed, stopping his scratches and just holding me. “Well, that jousting stuff will be pretty cool to watch,” he said, looking past my horn at the priest and the fire. “I have to ask though, are they going to hold the lances in their mouths or?...”

I smiled, turning my head to give him a little nuzzle. “They have a notch in their armor that holds the end of the lance,” I said sleepily, “and I’m sure you’re going to get tired of that after the first day.” I would have told him that, along with the jousting, there was going to be feats of strength, swordplay, archery, all of that stallion-y stuff the males loved, but I was accidently drifting off to dreamland.

“You tired there, Candy?” Ares whispered, giving me another little tickle.

“I’m just resting my eyes,” I muttered, yawning hugely.“Just make sure that I’m up when the priest finishes his prayer, alright?”

He huffed. “Alright, but you owe me one.”

With my eyes still closed, I turned and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Alright,” I murmured. “I owe you one.”

…

“Candy, you have to wake up. Cadence, come on, that priest wants you to say something.” I grumbled when something nudged me roughly.

“Noooo, wanna sleep,” I murmured, nuzzling myself deeper into my mattress.

“Cadence, I’m being serious, you need to wake up,” someone said, gently lifting my head up and moving it from side to side. “Your subjects look confused as to why their pretty pink princess isn’t saying anything.”

I just gave my head a little shake, trying to ignore whomever was rude enough to try and wake me up.

“CANDY-ASS!”

I fell out of my ‘bed’ with a yelp, landing roughly on the ground. Looking around in panic, I shouted, “Who, what, where?!” Then it all came flooding back to me; we were still waiting for the beginning of the festival to be over.

I saw Ares looking down at me with a slightly annoyed expression. “Candy, the ceremony is over,” he told me, getting out of the chair with a grunt. “The priest asked us to say a blessing or something so come on, we gotta go down there and stand next to the fire.”

Since I was still a little hazy from being violently wrenched out of my sleep, I was naturally having a little trouble sorting things out, so after he told me that all I did was narrow my eyes at him and ask, “Did you call me Candy-ass?”

My human pinched the bridge of his nose. “Yes, Candy, I called you Candy-ass, now let’s get down there before your little ponies start getting worried.” Ares then pretty much led me through the house, down the stairs, and outside. It was in this short span of a minute and a half that I had to think about what I was going to say to my subjects, which didn’t make me feel the least bit concerned if you’d like to know.

Flash looked at the two of us with concern. “Are you alright, Princess?” he asked me. “You guys took a long time getting down here.”

I gave him a smile, trying to fight back a yawn. “I was just thinking of what I was going to say, Flash,” I lied, looking up at Ares, who gave me a little wink, before we waded through the crowds and toward the priest, who bowed.

“It is an honor, Princess,” he said, giving us each a scrap of what felt like silk. “Will you do us the honor of starting this celebration?”

I nodded, turning toward my subjects, trying not to show the panic that I was feeling. Buck it, just wing it, I thought before opening my mouth. “My little ponies—“ I nudged Ares when he snorted. “—we have come here today to celebrate, feast, and enjoy each other’s company.”

The little cheer they all gave me took away most of the tension that I was feeling, so I continued. “May there be a thousand more celebrations like this one, only better and bigger, and may the Crystal Empire grow so that it becomes a shining jewel to the whole world.”

“FOR THE EMPIRE!” the crowd roared, cheering when Ares and I tossed our offerings into the fire.

My human leaned toward me. “Short but sweet and made on the fly,” he said over the cheering and yelling. “Now I know why you got this sweet princess gig.”

Even though I pushed him, I couldn’t keep a little proud smile off my face. “You’re just jealous that you wouldn’t have been able to think up anything better,” I snarked as the crowd slowly started to disperse.

I felt his hand touch my back. “I never said that I was any good at making speeches,” he said as we made our way back into the city proper and toward the market district, where the heart of the party was. “I prefer being a hype man; there’s none of the pressure that the main guy has to deal with,” he scratched my ear, “but I reap some of the reward… Candy-ass.”

I giggled, giving him a nudge with my rump. “I’ll give you ‘Candy-ass,” I huskily replied, looking around and, seeing nopony looking at us and Flash nowhere in sight, I pushed Ares through a big red curtain. It was an empty wagon-looking thing, and we were the only ones there, so I decided to have a little fun with my favorite human.

He deserves a little treat for getting up early and not complaining when I went to sleep, I mused, tickling him under the chin with a wing.

Ares was looking around, slightly red-faced, while I rose up on my back hooves and slowly walked forward until I backed him into the wall. I kissed his neck and he chuckled nervously. “Come on, Candy, we gotta go do that thing with the joust,” he said, making me laugh quietly and kiss his nose.

“That isn’t for another thirty minutes,” I purred, giving his cheek a little lick, “and this is what you get for calling me Candy-ass, my little human.”

I was worried for a second that I was pushing him a little too far when he gave me a slightly worried look but then he leaned forward and gave me a kiss, cupping my cheeks with his hands while he leaned forward. I smiled, letting out a happy hum as I returned the kiss.

Making out in some random little building like a teenager? I let out a little growl, putting my front hooves on either side of my human so I could get a little more stability. Wow, why haven’t I done this more?

Ares started running his hands down my neck, his hands scratching and caressing me while his tongue wiggled into my mouth, my tongue coming halfway to meet his. He was a little more aggressive than he had been last time, trying to use that little tongue of his to beat mine down into submission.

I couldn’t help but smirk, breaking the kiss for a second to let us both get a breather before diving right back into it. Time to show you who’s the kissing master, my little human I thought, before attacking his mouth with everything I had.

Wherever his tongue tried to go mine was there, trying to wrap around his while I gasped and panted and tried to keep my eyes open so I could see the look on my human’s face. The little wagon was really starting to heat up, the two of us let out little moans, my body twitched with each touch of those amazing hands of his, which were going lower and lower and—“

“Are you all ready for a puppet show?!”

The two of us froze when a thunderous cheer erupted from in front of the wagon, which was then followed by the stomping of what sounded, and felt, like hundreds of ponies. In my shock, I quickly tried to get off of Ares, but since I was on my hind legs and couldn’t really balance myself very well I, um, well… tripped.

Not really tripped per se; it was more like I just wobbled a little and the earth tried to leap up and see if I was okay… and I think Ares might have kicked my hoof just a little bit and stuff so I didn’t trip and look silly at all.

Really-really.

I cursed, trying to regain my footing before Ares rushed over and tried to grab me. Somehow, the two of us went stumbling around into ground, our momentum making us roll around on the wooden floor of the wagon; a ripping and tearing sound filled my ears before we finally stopped.

I groaned, my eyes closed while I tried to ignore my newly acquired bumps and bruises. “Why can’t I just kiss my coltfriend without anything ridiculous happening?” I muttered, putting my head on my human’s chest. “Ares, are you alright?”

He sighed, one of his hands reached up and patted my cheek. “I’ll live, Candy,” he muttered, leaning up and giving me a peck on the chin. “Did I ever tell you that you get heavier every time you fall on me?”

I smiled, wiggling on top of him and giving him a teasing kiss. “At least I weigh less than you do, tubby,” I teased, cracking open an eye to look down at him. I was about to restart our make-out session—I could make our new position… interesting and it would’ve been something that the two of us would have enjoyed—but I heard a gasp; make that many, many gasps.

Eyes widening, I looked upward at about three hundred ponies, all dead silent, looking at me and Ares.

Ares and I looked at each other before I realized what a compromising position we were in. We’re laying on top of each other, they all saw me and Ares kissing, and I didn’t tell them that I had divorced Shining yet, I thought, not bothering to get off my human. We were already so bucked that it wasn’t worth the energy, so we just stared awkwardly at my subjects, who weren’t blinking, and let the silence roll on.

“Shit,” Ares muttered, looking up at me before throwing caution to the wind and giving me a long, loving kiss. There were more gasps, and I’m sure somepony passed out, before my human broke the kiss and gave me a smile. “Well, the kids know now,” he mused aloud, giving my side a pat. “So how about we go and get something to eat?”

Even though that red face of his, and the horror in his eyes, told me that he was panicking as much as I was, I still couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

$$$@~~@@~~$$$

Joe was an usually quiet pony and that was good for the customers that needed someone to lend an ear. He would never interrupt in the middle of a tale, nor would he ever look at you in disgust. All Joe would do was look at you, while eating a donut of course, and wait until the end to either give you a word of advice, a word of wisdom that he had read from the newspaper that morning, or a smack to the back of the head; whichever was the most appropriate at the time.

Joe didn’t even bat an eyelash when Shining finished his tale, and took a deep breath, happy that he could finally vent to someone. “Well, Joe, that’s it.” Shining looked up at him with a weak smile. “Do you have any of that famous Pony Joe advice for me?”

Joe pulled over a stool and sat across from him. “Well, Shining, that’s pretty bucked up,” he said calmly, grabbing a donut from under the counter and taking a bite out of it. “Not the whole Cadence-falling-out-of-love-with-you thing, but how you’re handling everything.”

Shining blinked slowly in confusion. “Okay,” he said after a second, sounding a little unsure, “and what was wrong with how I handled everything?”

Somehow, when Shining wasn’t looking, the unicorn had gotten a cup of coffee and was now dunking his donut into it. Taking another bite of his sugary confection, Joe said, “Well, Shining, you just kind of ran away from everything for no good reason.”

Shining bristled. “I was trying to do what I thought was best at the time,” he practically spat. “I wanted a little alone time to think about what I could do to help save our marriage; is that so wrong?”

Joe snorted. “No, you were trying to let your ex-wife solve everything herself, and from a guy that’s already had two ex-wives, I can tell you from experience that that never works out in your favor.”

Shining grit his teeth and resisted the sudden yet intense urge to put his friend’s head through a table. Joe’s just being blunt like he usually is; that’s no reason to hit him. He’s trying to help you, so you listen, he thought, taking a deep breath. “Care to explain what you mean?” he asked, a little more harshly than he had intended.

Joe just nodded, either not noticing Shining’s hostility or ignoring it. “Well think about it, Cadence had all of this stuff: you and her were having problems, she had to watch and take care of this human, and she couldn’t have a kid and you just left her—“

“I made Ares promise that he’d watch her,” Shining quietly said while a little pang of sorrow smacked him in the gut. “I thought at the time that me being away was going to help the two of us.”

Seeing that his friend looked like he was a hairsbreadth away from crying, Joe leaned over and patted him on the shoulder. “Maybe what you did was the best for the both of you.” Joe lightly smacked his chest with a hoof. “The problem is that she’s the only one that got any sort of closure,” Joe shook his head. “No, not closure… something else; maybe this Ares guy is helping her out, keeping her from acting like you are.”

Shining looked at him in bewilderment. “So you’re saying that I should find a fillyfriend?!”

Joe rolled his eyes. “I’m saying that you either need closure or someone to help you get through what you’re going through.”

With a grunt, he reached back under the counter and pulled out two plain white boxes and slammed them in front of Shining. “There’s two dozen raspberry triple glazers, go and talk to somepony so you can stop being so mopey.”

With that, the unicorn turned away from Shining. “Go on, and you keep those bits to yourself or I’m going to make you swallow them. Unlike somepony around here, I actually have some work to do.”

Shining snorted, picking up the box with a little smile on his face. “You’ve never really worked a day in your life, Joe,” he said, trotting toward the door.

Joe laughed. “I work more in two hours then you’ve done in two years, big colt. And remember to come and see me before you leave Canterlot; we can go out and get drinks or something.”

%%~~@@~~%%

“So you disowned Sir Shining to be with the cuddle monkey, Princess?” A filly, who was sitting right next to me—I was in the nobles section so there was only her, and a few other ponies sitting there with me—as we watched the joust, asked.

I winced. “I didn’t disown Shining, little one,” I said, looking over at her. “I still want the two of us to stay close, if he’s willing, but…”

“But you don’t love him anymore?”

I resisted the urge to groan. How are kids so good at knowing things before you tell them?! I thought while the filly leaned on the side of my chair, looking up at me intently. “…Yes, little one,” I finally admitted, all of those years of foal sitting coming in handy since they were keeping me from telling the little filly to leave me the heck alone.

To be fair, having a foal talking to me about this was a heck of a lot better than hundreds of angry ponies demanding answers from me via pitchfork and torch. My subjects were taking it better than I thought they would though, so there’s that. Nopony started screaming, Ares didn’t get stabbed, there were no looks of disgust. All that happened was a lot of awkward looks and Ares disappeared from my side after the awkward, awkward jousting ceremony.

“Princess, are you in heat?” the filly asked, almost making me fall out of my chair.

“W-What?!” I squeaked, horrified that somepony her age even knew about that.

She just gave me a big, bright smile. “My mommy told me that mares act funny around their stallions when they go into heat and since you were acting funny around the cuddle monkey I thought that you were!” she told me before looking over her shoulder. “You don’t know about going into heat? I could go get my momma—“

“NO!” I shouted, before I took a deep breath to calm myself. “No, there’s no need for that, little one, I know what heat is. And no, I’m not going through it.”

The filly nodded once again. “So why did you kiss the cuddle monkey?” She asked. “Did you do it because you like-like him?”

That got a little smile out of me. “Yes, little one, I really do like-like him,” I told her before sighing. “Though I don’t know if he’s going to be kissing me in public anytime soon, not after what just happened.”

“How come?”

Since she was pretty much in it anyway, I picked her up and set her in my lap while I frowned. “Well you see...“

“My name’s Sapphire Shimmer, princess,” the filly helpfully supplied.

“Little Sapphire, when adults grow up they get really silly about showing displays of affection in public, especially if the relationship that they’re in is a new one,” I said with a sigh. “I’m trying to make sure that the cuddle monkey doesn’t get too freaked out since we’ve been seeing each other, but it looks like doing that is going to be a little harder than I thought.”

Sapphire—who looked like she wasn’t a day over nine by the way—hummed, tapping her hoof against her chin in thought. “Wellll, whenever my mommy gets scared, my daddy will give her a hug, so maybe you should try that with the cuddle monkey so you could be happy around each other and hug and kiss and stuff.”

I patted her on the head, wondering where my human had run off to. “Maybe I’ll try that, Sapphire.”

“And after that, you could go into your bedroom and make a whole bunch of sounds like mommy and daddy do!”

“…Where are your parents?”

!!@~##~@!!

“Why are we going to the library, Ares?” Flash asked, trotting by his friend’s side while the two snuck around back alleys to keep away from the prying eyes of the crystal ponies.

Ares grunted, his gaze nervously looking around. “I’m gonna look around; I think I might pick up a book or two,” he said. “You wouldn’t happen to have a library card, would ya?”

“The guards have full access to the empire’s grand library,” Flash said with a hint of pride in his voice.

“And does this giant library have any modern books?”

“Yeah, the princess brought a train full of them when she first came to the empire. She brought everything imaginable; I think that she wanted to use the books to help the crystal ponies get used to the modern era.” Flash stopped his friend with a wing. “What’s going on, Ares? Why are we running around when we should be back at the party?”

Ares sighed, leaning up against a wall and holding his head in his hands. “I’m sure that you heard what happened with me and Cadence, right?” The guard nodded. “Well, I realized that I don’t know anything about you guys?”

Flash cocked his head at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Ares groaned, getting up and starting to pace around his friend. “I mean that I don’t know how me dating a princess is going to work out. I don’t know how you ponies deal with relationships, I don’t know what to touch and what not to touch and—ARGH!!!”

Punching the wall—and nursing his now-hurting hand a second after—Ares just sat down and closed his eyes, hugging his knees to his chin. “I really like Cadence--no, I fucking love Cadence,” he muttered; Flash walked over and sat next to him. “And I don’t want to ruin anything for her. I want to make her happy dammit and I’m—“

Humming quietly to himself while his friend had his little meltdown, Flash did the only thing that he could think of. Raising a hoof into the air, the Pegasus brought it down, hard, on the back of his friend’s head. Ares yelped before he hit the ground, face-first, hard.

“The fuck was that for?!” the human snarled, holding the back of his head and rolling around on the ground in pain.

Flash looked down at him with the slightest of smiles. “I was just knocking some sense into you,” he said, pulling Ares to his feet with a grunt. “I know you’re nervous, but you shouldn’t be freaking out for no good reason. Go and talk to the princess if you want to know anything; flipping out about it isn’t helping anypony.”

Ares, still rubbing his head, coughed awkwardly. “Actually, I was going to try to surprise her with something.” He looked down at his friend. “I was gonna go get some pony culture books and… other ones.”

“…Other ones?”

“I heard one of the guards back at Canterlot talk about a book called the pony sutra…”

The two of them awkwardly looked at each other, both of them blushing, before Flash said, “Oh… um, you guys are already ‘there’ huh?”

Ares gave him an unsure nod. “I think?” he said, giving a little shrug. “Even if we’re not, it doesn’t hurt to be prepared, right?”

Flash looked him up and down for a minute. “ I’ll let you use my library card,” he finally said.

Ares grinned and slapped him on the back. “Alright then! Let’s go to the library, get some books, hide those books in my bedroom, and get back to Candy before she notices,” he practically cheered, doing a little hop in the air before taking off down the alley and leaving Flash there in the dust.

…Maybe I should get one of those books too, Flash thought. Ares was right; it doesn’t hurt to be prepared.

Nodding, Flash spread his wings and took off into the air, recalling after a minute that he was almost positive that the human had no idea where he was going. “Ares, stop running right now!”

“NO!”

“You don’t know where you’re going!”

“...Then hurry up and get over here! Daylight’s burning!”