“Read it and weep, fillies and colts,” I said with a smirk before flipping over my cards. I had pocket eights with two eights in the community cards. Three ponies went all in and I was the only one walking away from this table with caps, all of them to be precise. Rolling my shoulders and cracking my neck, I tipped my black cowpony hat to the pretty pink unicorn mare carrying a tray of drinks. “Round of Wild Pegasus, sweetheart.”

“Right away, honey,” she said with a wink before trotting back to the bartender behind the saloon counter. I watched her go for a brief moment, noticing the way she swished her blonde and pink striped tail under the skirt of her black and purple burlesque dress. I’m not usually the type of pony that goes after every mare that gives me a wink, especially with my luck at cards attracting every two cap whore in the Las Pegasus area to my bed, but something about this mare really caught my eye.

“What’s your deal, Knack?” one of my opponents, an earth pony mare named Lola asked. With her good eyes she looked down at her pet Nightstalker, Cabbage, before returning her gaze to me. “What’s with the drinks? Trying to rub it in?”

“Nope. Not at all, my cyclopean friend. I’m trying to bury the hatchet and show that it’s all just fun and games.”

“Fun for you maybe. We’re the ones who are out a thousand caps,” Whynot Burp, a rather gaseous former sheriff turned gambler, remarked before living up to his namesake with a thunderous roar of stomach gas.

“Oh come on, Burp. You know you were having fun when you dropped those two pair on me,” I said.

“Until you flipped over your higher pair,” he grumbled before pushing himself away from the card table. “Congratulations yet again, Knack. You really live up to your name. You’re the https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Bf67e3qCMAAJvSx.jpgnoluckiest earth pony in the Las Pegasus Wastes. I hope you choke on your Wild Pegasus.” With that, the little gassy ray of sunshine stormed out through the swinging saloon door, sparing us any more assault to our already burdened olfactory sense.

“Isn’t he the grumpy gus,” the serving mare said with a smile as she returned to the table with four glasses of hard, pre-war whiskey, but only had three ponies to serve them to. Levitating three glasses to the dealer, Lola, and myself, she looked at the remaining serving of liquor. “What do I do with the fourth glass?” She then gave me a coy little cock of her eyebrow that told me all I needed to know about this little spitfire.

“Join us for a drink then. It’s his loss and your gain,” I said, patting the seat next to me with a hoof. She nodded her head cordially before taking the seat next to me. “There we go. Now wait, I didn’t catch your name.”

“That’s because I had a leave of my senses and didn’t toss it your way,” she said wryly before adding, “Sarsaparilla Smiles.”

“Knack,” I replied before raising my glass to the others. “Here’s to a great tournament.”

“Here, here,” Lola said before downing her drink in one quick gulp and letting out a pained, yet satisfied breath. “Burns so good, just like losing.”

“That’s the spirit,” I laughed, watching Sarsaparilla sip her drink while The Dealer silently gazed upon us like always, not even making a sound as he gulped down his whiskey.

The Dealer of the Lost Wages Saloon was one of the most mysterious and quiet ponies I had ever met. No pony knew his name. He was just ‘The Dealer’ and seemed to be satisfied with that. There was a legend that occasionally graced the lips of the ponies of the Neighvarro. They said The Dealer was an ancient buffalo spirit of chaos, much like the draconequus Discord. Ponies said he never aged and that he had haunted these wastes for centuries. Even before the fall of Equestria, The Dealer remained to deal the cards of fate to any ponies that crossed his path. He was a force of nature.

Or, as I found out after one of my lucky streaks, he was a unicorn who excelled at illusion magic and just made himself look like an earth pony to make others underestimate him. On that front, we were in agreement. Everyone knew to expect cheater magic from unicorns or slight of claw from griffins, but no one expected anything special from earth ponies. That’s why ponies never really expected me to be able to cheat as well as my lucky streaks would dictate. Being an earth pony allowed me the ability to avoid the cursory suspicions of the pit bosses. No pony could catch me cheating so they resigned themselves to the fact that I just had a crazy good run of luck when it came to the cards.
“So how do you do it, Knack? I’ve been told this is your third tournament win this month and you’re twelfth since moving to our little stretch of hell on Equestria,” Sarsaparilla asked, placing a gentle hoof on my charcoal duster’s sleeve.

“I see my reputation has preceded me, but I don’t remember you ever being in this dive before,” I said, Lola groaned.

“They say if you’re unlucky at love, then you’re lucky at cards or something like that. Maybe I should leave you to be so Knack here can lose some of that luck,” she said, giving me a tired smile after pushing away from the table. “Good luck.”

“Always have,” I quipped back, getting more of a grin out of her and a hiss from her pet.

“Come on, Cabbage. We’re going.” Cabbage hissed happily and followed her out, the saloon doors swishing softly behind them as they left.

“And then there was one,” Sarsaparilla Smiles said, smiling at me over the glass of whiskey as she levitated it in front of her face.

“Really?” I asked. I glanced at The Dealer before coughing as nonchalantly as a forced expulsion of air from my lungs could possibly be achieved. The Dealer seemed to understand, his gray eyes addressing me with a mirth that his face dare not betray, before taking his own glass in his mouth, tossing it with expert precision onto the crown of his head, and silently walking away from the table. “Damn. He’s really committed.”

“Committed to what?”

“Nothing,” I said, quickly trying to turn her attention away from my off the hoof comment and back on to me. “So what made you want to become a barmaid at this lovely establishment.”

“Sarcasm will get you everywhere,” she replied with a copious amount of snark of her own.

“I think I’m in love,” I thought without a hint of the sarcasm to my inner monologue that usually tinted my normal speech. She then shook her head and sighed before downing the glass.

“If you must know,” she said while pouring herself another glass. “A series of bad choices and a family that needed my help.”

“Family’s important.”

“Yeah,” she said, trailing off and looking towards the door. I had to think fast. I was losing her. I gave a nod to Ivory, the black stallion behind the piano, and he started to play.

“How about we talk about something else. Oh, hey, wanna dance?” I asked, jumping to my hooves and pulling her to hers without even asking. She laughed.

“I don’t take it that ‘no’ is an acceptable answer?”

“Yes, it isn’t. We don’t say the ‘n-word’ around these parts,” I told her. She laughed again and twirled for me. I smiled. Not just because I got her back, but because it actually made me happy to see her happy. What was it about this mare that made me act like this?

We danced and drank and talked the night away. Well, to be fair, she drank and talked and danced, I just did the latter two, mostly. I had a few drinks, but I was always careful to stay mostly sober, keeping the drinking to a low buzz. It was always my rule of fetlock that the only time a pony should get wasted is if there’s no possible way somepony else could barge in and waste them. I called it the Wasteland Wasted Rule. A buzz is fine, but I never wanted to get a D. W. I. (That’s Dying While Intoxicated for you uninformed ponies out there.)

“Let’s get out of here,” she whispered in my ear.

“My room’s upstairs,” I said, glancing towards the stairs. She shook her head.

“No. Those mattresses are nasty. Let’s go back to my place. it’s just down the alley and a block away.” She stopped before adding. “I have clean sheets I brought back with me from New Pegasus.”

“I’m sold,” I laughed. Grabbing me by the collar of my duster with her telekinesis, Sarsaparilla Smiles dragged me out the swishing doors and down the alleyway between the saloon and the general store. We were only a few steps in to the poorly lit passage between buildings when I noticed the three ponies following us. I then noticed three more blocking our exit and my eyes darted to the side door.

“Locked the door, Knack,” a familiar voice belched. “You ain’t going anywhere. Your luck’s run out.”

“Burp? What are you doing here so late at night? If you wanted another game, I’d be more than happy to play you again in the morning,” I said, a hint of nervousness starting to creep into my voice as my eyes caught the silver and chrome of battle saddles and six shooters on their hips.
Two unicorns and four earth ponies. I could probably handle them with an apple grenade or two, but I might catch Sarsaparilla in the explosion. My eyes darted to and fro while my mind thought of some means of escape for the pretty mare and myself until I noticed her head was lowered and her eyes were closed. Burp laughed as he approached and Sarsaparilla started moving towards him, her hooves barely leaving the ground.

“Good work, sis. Now let me just kill this fucker and take my money back and we’ll be on our way home.”

“You said you just wanted to get your money back! Please don’t kill him,” she said, her voice weak and no longer the strong mare I had known in the saloon. However, the hoof that flew and struck her on the side of the face still sent my blood boiling and a small growl escaped my lips the moment she hit the ground.

“Shut up! Whores don’t get a say in my plans!” Burp spat literally, the yellowish glob hitting her wounded cheek for added insult. “You don’t want me telling mama how I found you in New Pegasus.”

“No,” she whispered, tears already starting to streak down her face only to be slowed by the phlegm.

“This is between the two of us, Burp. No pony else needs to be involved,” I said, trying to turn his attention away from Sarsaparilla and back onto me.

“Aren’t you a real knight in shining armor?” Burp said. Turning back to me, he sneered. “You actually like my sister, don’t you? You’ve fallen for a two bit whore.”

He and his posse broke out into deriding laughter before Burp lifted a hoof, silencing them after a few seconds of mirth.
“Enough of this. Give me my money, Knack.”

“No, ‘Or else?’” I asked wryly. One of Burp’s lackey chortled, but their leader was not amused.

“You cheated me, you fucker. I don’t know how, but no pony’s that lucky.” Reaching for his six shooter, I watched as the others followed suit. Like an army of cicadas, they pulled out their revolvers with blindingly slow speed for me. The world crawled as my mind prepared for the carnage about to befall me.

Memories of my old life flashed before my eyes. Joining the military with my brother. Going through boot camp. That fateful day when the brass sent our brigade to assault a dragon’s hoard. The horrifying sight of my big brother consumed by the green flames he had just barely pushed me out of the way of the oncoming inferno. How I fled for my life and didn’t stop until I realized I was in a cloudless desert as night was falling and the lights of New Pegasus were lighting up the horizon.

The world snapped back to reality as Burp’s gang started to turn back to me. Sarsaparilla closed her eyes tight, fighting tears and trying to avoid catching even a glimpse of my all but inevitable demise, while Burp and my eyes met. Leaping straight up, I shot my forehooves out as fast as I could, spinning the magnum revolves around on my fetlock mounted battle bracers. Gripping the wire triggers near my collar in my mouth, I fired two bullets aimed squarely between Burp’s eyes.

Luckily for him, he saw my counter attack coming and hit the dirt faster than I thought a pony of his bulk could move. Unlucky for the two ponies standing behind him, one’s head exploded into a spray of gore and bodily fluids while the other took a shot to the left shoulder that sent him spinning to the ground.

“Fire!” Burp screamed. Expecting my more than obvious descent, Burp’s flunkies unloaded at the air beneath my hooves.

But I did not fall. You may be asking, ‘Knack, now you’re lying. What comes up must come down,’ but I had another secret under my duster besides a pair of .44 magnums. Through the slits in the back of my coat, I unfurled my wings and took to the skies, leaving those below me looking up in stunned awe as I zoomed past them.

While most were incapacitated by the shock of revealing my true race, some even dropping their weapons, others fired into the air, but they fired wide as my dark gray duster was lost in the darkness above. I could have run, but there was a little pink mare that wouldn’t be safe with her odiferous and abusive brother. Damn my chivalrous nature.

Looping back around, I unloaded round after round into the ponies below, expertly avoiding Sarsaparilla while weaving between rounds that they fired back. Flying past Burp, I reached out with my forehooves and scooped Sarsaparilla up without missing a wingbeat. Then as we zoomed past the three ponies near the mouth of the alley I dropped an apple shaped grenade with my tail. Moments later, an explosion ripped through the twilight before dawn before I gently set down the pretty little mare in the burlesque dress.

“You’re… you’re a pegasus?” she asked, her eyes wide and her body shaking.

“Guess my secret’s out,” I said, looking back at the carnage behind us as the smoke started to clear. “Unless I got them all.”

BANG!

A bullet ripped through my shoulder as Burp limped out of the smoke, bleeding from practically every inch of his body and his armor in tatters. Dropping his empty revolver from his mouth, Burp crossed the street laughing under his breath between pained coughs.

“You little bitch. You’re a pegasus? A fucking winged rat pony? You probably kept cards in your wings. That’s how you did it,” he said before pulling out a long hunting knife. “I’m going to have fun clipping your wings, Knack.”

“Smiley,” I moaned, smiling up at her with a pained grin. “I’m sorry about this.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m sorry,” she said, her voice hardly a whimper. “It’s my fault were here. I shouldn’t have listened to my brother, but I can’t let him tell our mom. I can’t let her know about Tar…” Her voice trailed off and she looked back at Burp. “Please Whynot. Don’t do this.”
“Get outta my way, whore,” he growled, a burp rumbling out of his mouth and around his knife.

“No,” I said. “I’m sorry about this.”

Whipping out the concealed sawed off shotgun in the holster on my left hind leg, Burp stopped as I leveled the twin barrels at his face and I watched as he dropped his knife. Pulling the trigger, I felt a tinge of regret and horror myself as his face collapsed in on itself and the force of the blast almost ripped his head off his shoulders.

And with a bloody, meaty flop, Whynot Burp belched his last burp.

Horrified, yet somehow also looking relieved, Sarsaparilla Smiles dropped down on to her haunches, crying. Hissing in pain as I stood up, I looked at her for a moment before my guilt made me look away.

“I’m sorry I had to do that,” I whispered before tucking my wings back under my duster. Just as I started limping away, a hoof came to rest on my still good shoulder.

“Knack,” she said weakly. “It’s okay.”

“But he was your brother.”

“He was a horrible pony and an even worse brother. I feel bad he’s dead and I’m going to have to tell our mom, but… but at least he can’t tell my mom about New Pegasus,” she said. Her voice bitter sweet with regret and relief, but it was obvious she was still hurting.

“We all have things we regret.”

“Is that why you hide your wings?”

“Yeah… I ditched the Enclave a few years back after they sent my unit into a dragon’s lair and I lost my brother. That damn purple lizard burned us alive and tore my commander to shreds.” I sighed. “I’m lucky I got away and still have my cutie mark.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault.” I looked down at Burp’s corpse before noticing that some ponies were already starting to emerge from their homes and shops after they were sure the fighting and gunshots had stopped. Looking over at Sarsaparilla, I gave her a sad smile. “We’re all running from something out here in the Wasteland. That was one of the first things I learned down here beneath the clouds.”

“Hey, Knack?” I looked back at Sarsaparilla.

“Yeah?”

“I’m running from Las Pegasus, you’re running from the sky. Maybe… Maybe it won’t be so bad if we run together?”

“Maybe,” I said, my smile becoming more genuine and less sad. “That would be nice.” I hissed as I tried to walk. “Although you know what would be really nice? Another shot of Wild Pegasus.”

“Yeah, but this time it’s my treat. Wild Pegasus for my wild pegasus,” she giggled before pushing her head under my injured shoulder and helping me back towards the saloon.

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” she laughed, happiness starting to creep back into her voice and she gave me a playful wink.