Gee, it sure is boring around here.

That was my thought as I loitered around in my stony prison. Well, I imagine I loitered. There wasn't even a convenient hole in my prison that I could leave through. When I'd finally been captured, they'd taken my tools- my bow, my bombs, my lamp oil and rope... actually, that was just some stuff I'd picked up because I'd always wanted an excuse to say the dreaded line.

I suppose that this would be a good time to introduce myself. I'm Link, Hero of Winds not Time. The ponies here know me as the Wind Waker. That was because my powers, while meant for good, caused some serious problems for them. My perpetual changing of the winds might have been a bit of an asshole move, and changing the time to day and night for my own convenience was technically usurping. And picking up ponies and chucking them like ragdolls wasn't the best idea either. Yet, for all my heroism, all the giant threats I'd beaten the shit out of, they still threw me in here.

I remembered the day I'd come here. 1,000 years ago...

1,000 years ago

"Dude, come on!" I banged on the toilet door.

"I'm coming, just give me a moment!"

"I gave you a moment ten minutes ago. What are you doing in there, making a bomb or something?"

My friend James came out, dressed in his classic L cosplay- pale skin, shaggy black hair, white sweatshirt and jeans. This was how he normally looked anyway- apart from a mole on his upper lip he could have passed for the only detective who made Sherlock Holmes look normal. Still, he could play a mean game of Smash Bros, and I wouldn't trade him for the world. I'd heard the news stories- people who cosplayed disappearing off the face of the Earth, almost as if they were being targeted by some sort of demented serial killer. I'd assumed that I was safe, but maybe I'd found the killer.

We walked through the convention like normal nerds do- that is, we wandered around and spent copious amounts of money on nerd merch. I'd brought along a backpack thing and a boomerang for Link. Naturally, I bought some bombs and stashed them away in my backpack.

"Anything you need: lamp oil, rope, bombs, just so long as you have enough rupees."

John winced. "Really? You're talking about those shitty games?"

I chuckled. "It's funny, John. I don't expect you to understand the humour behind it."

John rubbed his eyes. "No, I don't, and I intend to keep it that way."

Later, we competed in a Melee Tournament. I played and put up my best game, but unfortunately I was knocked out in the first round. John, however, was still going strong, so I left him. After watching him play for a couple of minutes, I signalled to him that I was getting bored and I would be buying some more crap valid purchases. He waved me on and I eagerly walked off.

While I was examining several wares, I found a stall that I'd never seen before. Curious, I wandered over, to the stall-owner, a tall, gangly sort of guy who had a veritable minefield of pimples and inch-thick glasses. He cast a bored eye over me.

"What do you want to buy?"

I looked over his wares- there didn't seem to be any consistent theme to any of them. A deerstalker cap, a sonic screwdriver, several katanas, a piggybank... it was as if the owner had heard of the idea of a convention stall, but had never heard of a specific theme.

"Ah, no thanks, not interested." It was like flipping a switch- as soon as I'd finished, he gripped me by the front of my tunic and held me with a grip like iron.

"Oh, but sir, surely I have something that would pique your interest?"

By this point, I was seriously creeped out. "Look, I said that I'm not interested. Besides, I don't have any money." It was a lie, but I didn't like how he stared at me. His frown intensified.

"Don't... want to buy?" I smiled and spoke in a calm tone. Obviously this was some madman who had somehow bought a stall. As soon as I could get free, I would get out of here.

Unfortunately, this only served to incense my captor even more. He gripped my tunic even harder, and his face started glowing red.

"You have to buy. You have to."

"Look, I have no mon-"

"YOU HAVE TO BUY!" Gripping my arm so hard that I felt my bones start to creak, he hauled up a large box of various Zelda memorabilia with the other and started chucking items in it at me. A Wind Waker bounced into my hand, along with the Deku Leaf, the Whirlwind and a hookshot.

"Take it! Take it! Take it all! Whether you like it or not, you are going there, and if you don't then I'll just throw you there myself!"

I struggled to get away. "Let me go, you demented freak! HELP! SECURITY!" Why wasn't anybody helping me? I cast a desperate glance around me, trying to find somebody willing to help. It was only then that I noticed that reality was... frozen. John was frozen in a single moment, turning around to see me. Everybody was still. A spilled bottle of water hung in the air, suspended somehow. I noticed that the demonic shopkeeper was grinning at me.

"You can't leave without buying something. That's the rules. That's the game."

"What is this?" His grin widened.

"It's a game. I send my toys to the place, and you play for me." He frowned.

"Now BUY!"

Hands shaking, I rooted through the Zelda box. I hauled out a large hammer, the Sand Rod, a pair of Power Bracelets, the Hero's Bow, as well as what he chucked at me.

"H-how much?"

He grinned, and for a split second, his face twisted into the face of the Happy Mask Salesman. "Only 1 penny for you, my good sir. Have the lot."

Trembling, I withdrew my penny. I hated myself for doing this, but whatever this guy was, it wasn't something I wanted to be messing around with. "H-here you go."

He placed the penny in the till and grinned. "Off with you."

And with that, a rainbow hole opened beneath me and I fell. Before falling fully, I heard him calling.

"Just for that little bit of cheek, I curse you to look like your favourite Link! May you always have short, stubby legs and an extremely wide head! Enjoy going there, asshole!"

1,000 years later

"Um, Miss Cheerilee?" Cheerilee turned to Applebloom. She was pointing at an unusual statue.

"What's that one?" Cheerilee looked at it. Much shorter than most of the statues here, it was a simple marble statue of a bipedal figure with an extremely disproportionate head. A pointy cap hanging far down, and with a lock of hair hanging out, its eyes were closed, and it held its hands out, almost as if it was conducting something.

"A very good question, Applebloom. This is the Waker of Winds."

"Waker of Winds?"

Cheerilee nodded. "Indeed. Legend has it that the Waker of Winds could change the direction of the winds. He summoned cyclones, could take command of those he wanted, destroyed doors and could even interfere with the Princesses' control over the Sun and Moon."

There was a general titter of interest after this piece of information. Scootaloo grinned. "He doesn't look so tough. I bet I could lay him out with one punch!" She mimed boxing gestures to indicate her willingness.

Cheerilee frowned at her. "I don't think that's the appropriate attitude to take with this one. Besides, from all accounts of the time, it was using a mystical baton that he had these powers. There are mentions of other weapons he used, but his Wind Waker is his most famous one. Now, let's move along; the tour is almost over."

Eventually, the foals left, and I was all alone. It was nice to hear that some ponies still remembered my deeds and capabilities."

Suddenly, I felt something appear in front of my stony visage. A familiar trickster leered at me.

"Oh, hello, Link."

Discord. I greeted him coldly. He seemed offended.

"Link, you wound me with your cold greetings. Don't you know that I have only your best interests at heart?"

Best interests? You know, I would've gone, but out of my own moral compass I fought you, and beat you, and I get rewarded with imprisonment just after you. Do you even THINK I like you?

Discord mulled it over, scratching his chin. "Hmm... let me think about this..." A lightbulb appeared over his head and exploded.

"Yes." He walked around me.

"Now, I have something of yours right here." He withdrew a simple silver baton, almost like a sword. Had I been able to move I would have lunged at it.

Discord, give me the Wind Waker.

Discord grinned. "Wouldn't think of keeping something so tawdry anyway." He placed it into my hand gently.

"By the by, your sword and shield are below in the castle. Just saying." With that, he punched me in the face.

You do realise that I hate you, right?

"Oh, I know you do. That's why it's funny that I'm helping you. Now, ciao. I have chaos to make, ponies to corrupt... that sort of thing." With that, he disappeared.

After a few moments, my stony prison crumbled. I brushed a bit of dust off of my tunic. "Well, time to get going."

Canterlot Castle was beautiful, though I was having a hard time right away.

"Stupid guards, trying to catch me." I chuckled to myself as I evaded their patrol routes like a champ. Honestly, Ocarina of Time was harder than this! Once inside, I watched Celestia talking to `some six mares. I kept a careful eye on her. As soon as she was gone, I ran in, rolling so as to avoid not being caught.

My sword and shield were stacked together, both the least and most of all my weapons. It was a shame that the Mirror Shield had been moved, but at least this was my old shield. I gripped the Hero's Sword and lifted the Hero's Shield. Now I felt a bit more capable.

"Halt, intruder!" It seems as if I had guests. I turned.

"Honourable guard, let me leave. I merely wished to reclaim what was mine." I readied my sword.

"But if you insist on a fight, then so be it." The guard charged me with his sword in his magical aura and I saw my opportunity. Rolling around him, I delivered a lightning quick counter attack that cut through his armour and caused a nasty gash on his back. He turned, trying to deliver another cut, but I darted in range and smashed his head with my shield.

"Night Night." I then pulled out my Wind Waker.

"Hmm... wait for it, wait for it..." Day turned to night.

"Perfect."

I gripped the Wind Waker delicately, and with three simple gestures turned night into day.

"That should shake a few heads up."