The Silent Blade

by Rhodesm96

First published 30th of April, 2014

A man dressed as Altair Ibn La'Ahad goes to Equestria, and stabs many things.

When a couple of friends and I decided to go in Assassin's Creed costumes to an upcoming con, I'd been all for it. If I'd known what that merchant had to offer, I'd probably have declined. I certainly didn't want to end up in magical horse land, and I can't imagine my friends were too hot on the idea either. It didn't help that the first thing I did was kill someone.

The name's Josh, but no-one's called me that for a while. A long while.

One thousand years will give you such a crick in the neck.

---

I changed the title from 'The Subtle Knife' to 'The Silent Blade' to avoid confusion with the His Dark Materials trilogy.
Okay, yes, it's a LoHAV fic, and yes, he's a cosplayer, and yes, he was imprisoned in stone for 1000 years. Pretty original, I know. If you're going to complain about it in the comments, please don't.
If you wanted originality, you should've read this.
Featured on 1/05/14. Wow. I was not expecting that.

CANCELLED AS OF 18/08/2014

Chapter 1 - Well, that happened

Hey, name's Josh. Or at least, it was. These days, not so much.

See, I was just a normal guy until a few centuries ago. Then some shit went down, and next thing I know I'm stuck in magical horse land. It didn't help that I may have murdered some of them. Okay, a lot of them.

It's a long story.

Oh man, there was some sweet stuff at this convention. Some buddies and I had decided that we were going to all go in themed costumes, and I couldn't be happier with what we'd picked. See, we were all pretty big Assassin's Creed fans, and since there were four of us, we'd decided that we'd each go as a different assassin from the games.

Leading the pack was Dave, cosplaying Ezio Auditore. He'd always been the ladies man of the bunch, so it made perfect sense for him to be the flamboyant Italian playboy. He didn't really have anything other than his costume by the way of merch, though, but we planned to fix that at some of the booths.

Behind him, Rob made a pretty imposing Connor Kenway. He was a big guy, standing around six foot ten. He towered over the rest of us, and was therefore the natural choice for Connor, the bulkiest Assassin. His costume was pretty detailed, and he even had the trademark tomahawk.

Trailing behind with me at the back was my best friend Edward, or rather... Edward, I guess. He'd always been the biggest fan of Black Flag when it came out. He'd already cosplayed Edward once or twice, and it showed in his costume. Four replica pistols, two real cutlasses, even a blowpipe. He'd come prepared.

And then there was me.

Walking slightly behind everyone else, head bent down and hands clasped in front of me in the the classic Blend pose, I was the spitting image of Altair Ibn La'Ahad. Ed turned to look at me.

"Hey, man, how's the hand?" He said, grinning. A few months back, when we had decided on our costumes, he'd said that I wouldn't be able to really pull it off. When I'd asked him why, he pointed out that Altair was missing his left ring finger. I'd shrugged it off as no big deal, but later that night the four of us had gotten drunk, and, well...

I have a habit of making bad decisions.

I flexed my hand, showing the stump where my finger used to be.

"I kinda like it, to be honest." I said. "Not like I needed that finger, and it fits the character better. Besides, means that this wasn't a waste." At that, I pushed the button on my wrist, causing my hidden blade to extend. It fit perfectly into the space where my finger used to be. I was the only one who had managed to score a working replica, although it didn't work quite like in the games. Button to extend, but I had to push it back in. I also had a sword at my hip, but I was missing the dagger and throwing knives.

Edward shook his head. "Whatever, dude. I still think you're crazy for actually doing that."

"Best five hundred dollars I ever won." Ed made to retort, but we were interrupted by Dave shouting at us from ahead.

"Guys, check this out!" We hurried over, and found that Dave had found a stall selling nothing but Assassin's Creed merch. The vendor had swords for Connor and Dave, and hidden blades for everyone but me. He even had the missing dagger I needed to complete my costume. I reached out to take it when he stopped me.

"I see you're truly dedicated to your character. I like that." He said, pointing at my finger stump. "I have a little something especially for you that I think you'll appreciate." I fixed my dagger in its sheath to my back as he ducked behind his table, and came back up with a glass box that contained something that made all four of us whistle in appreciation.

Inside, on a velvet cushion, was the most perfect replica of the Apple of Eden I had ever seen. A sphere of pure gold, marred only by intersecting lines running along it's surface. I knew I had to have it.

"How much?" I heard Ed say.

"Oh, no, I'm not selling it to you." He said. "Only to your friend Altair there. And two-hundred fifty, by the way."

"Sold!" I said. I couldn't get out my wallet fast enough. We exchanged the Apple for the cash, and I proceeded to wave it in Ed's face.

"I knew that money I won off of you would be good for something!" I said, taunting him with the apple.

He groaned in desperation. "Oh, come on! That's so not fair!"

"Yeah, well maybe when you cut off one of your fingers I'll let you hold it for a bit." It was just after I'd said that that the Apple started to glow. I didn't notice, however, as I was too busy revelling in Edward's misery. I only noticed it when it flashed, and everything drained of colour. Time seemed to slow down as I found myself unable to move, stuck staring at Ed. I screamed mentally.

The last thing I saw on Earth was a blinding flash of golden light, and then nothingness.

When I materialised, I stumbled into a bunch of colourful ponies. They weren't ponies in the traditional sense, though. While they were still pony-shaped in the face, and had hooves instead of feet, and some had horns or wings, they were otherwise mostly humanoid. They didn't even have fur, just coloured skin.

I bumped into one of them, and he turned around and saw beneath my hood. He gazed at me for a second, before saying "What's wrong with your face?"

I took exception to that.

It was just supposed to be a punch. But when I'd hit him, my hidden blade extended through my fist and stabbed him in the head. He dropped to the floor, stone dead. Oh man, what the fuck. That wasn't a real blade! I didn't even press the button! After that, his friends had started to panic, and I soon had the guard on my ass. I did what came naturally: Ran like fuck.

Behind me, the guards chased me, and they were gaining by the second. I dashed into an alley, hoping to lose them, but was met with a dead end. I turned around to face my doom, and it was at this point I realised I still had the Apple. I noticed this because it sent a sensation like an electric shock up my arm and into my head. I looked up at the guards again, but this time my vision had shifted.

Everything was blue. Everything except for the guards, that is, who glowed red. Eagle Vision? What the fuck? I thought. I had no time for further contemplation, however, as one of the guards sprang forward with his spear outstretched. My body seemed to move on its own as I unsheathed my dagger from behind my back, dropping the Apple. I parried the guards thrust to the side and slammed my hidden blade into his abdomen. He keeled over.

The guard behind him came at me with a sword next. I ducked under his swing and stabbed my dagger into his hoof, before swinging it upward and slashing his throat, and he too fell. The final guard looked almost ready to crap himself as I stood before him covered in his comrades blood.

He turned to run. I ran up behind him and leapt onto his back, tackling him to the floor and jammed my hidden blade into his neck, severing his spine. I heard a weak mumbling from behind me, and turned to see that the first guard wasn't quite dead yet. I stalked back over to him, flicking some blood off of my hidden blade onto him. I bent to pick up the Apple when I heard him speak.

"Who... who are you?" He gasped. I smiled a little.

"Call me Altair." I said, before I ended his life too.

Author's Notes:

So, here it is, the first chapter. I know it's not the most original of stories, but I really wanted to write this.
The cosplayer shtick was used because I can't imagine Altair himself acting as a villain.
The "imprisoned in stone" cliche was used because I thought it'd go well with something I'm planning later on.

Oh, and if any other LoHAV writers see this, I'm up for crossovers. Just give me a couple chapters to establish what's going on.

Chapter 2 - Think I'll Be Going Now

Author's Notes:

Wow, I was not expecting this to get featured. Thank you guys so much.

Being a statue was boring as fuck. I couldn't move, I couldn't talk, I could only move my eyes a little bit. It wouldn't be as bad if I had a little company. I'd been staring at the same hedges for somewhere close to two hundred and fifty years by my reckoning. Watching passers-by did little to alleviate the boredom. Hardly any stopped to look at my statue, anyway. It didn't even have a plaque on it. In retrospect, that was probably fitting, being an assassin. Anonymity and all that.

"Over here, put him with the other one."

Oh? Looks like I might be getting a new room-mate after all I thought. Slowly, a platoon of guards came into view, wheeling something behind them. At first glance, it looked like any other statue. But as it was turned around, I got a good look at it. I would've gasped if I could.

Edward? I thought. I certainly didn't expect a reply.

Holy shit, Josh? I was dumbstruck. Apparently, the statue spell allows you to talk to other similarly frozen individuals telepathically.

What the fuck are you doing here? I asked him.

Showed up, got on the wrong side of some ponies, accidentally formed a band of pirates-

Wait, what? Pirates?... Well, he is Edward Kenway, sort of.

I'm getting to that. -Got caught, Sunbutt stoned me. What about you?

Same, minus the pirates. Say, you didn't happen to find my Apple, did you?

You still have that?

The guards finished moving Ed onto my podium, positioning him next to me. I had to admit, he had a much cooler pose. Both pistols pointed forward, snarling at some unseen target. He must've been trying to take them down when they blasted him. I'd seen my end coming, so I had stood straight and embraced it. My left hand still dripped with frozen blood from the last kill.

I lost it a couple centuries back.

CENTURIES?! Jesus Christ, dude, how long have you been here?

Depends what you mean. Here in the gardens as a statue, about two hundred and fifty years, give or take. I was free for about a year before that, though.

Wow. Good on you for not going insane from boredom. I'm assuming that the Royal Pain stoned you as well. What did you do to piss her off?

Two Royal Pains, actually. The second one went batshit after I was imprisoned and got sent to the moon. She's there for a thousand years apparently.

Woah, harsh.

Meh, at least she gets a view. I've been staring at those hedges for ages.

Speaking of, just what did you do, Josh?

Call me Altair, it's what I've been going by. As for what I did, well, it's a long story...

After I killed the guards, I'd gotten out of there as quick as I could. If I kept my head down, I found that I could pass for one of the ponies at a glance.

Thank fuck they're not normal horses. They'd be impossible to blend with. I figured that after what I'd just done, it'd be best to get out of town.

As I moved through the crowd, realisation hit me like an express train. Holy shit, I just killed someone. Four someones, in fact. I clenched the Apple tighter, and it calmed me a bit. How did I even do that? I've never fought anyone in my life, yet I just took down four trained soldiers. I looked down at the Apple to see that it was still giving off a faint glow. Maybe this helped me? ...Why not, they did crazier things in the games. I tried to run through what I knew of the Apples that had appeared in the series.

Okay, mind control, illusion projection, and physical manipulation. I think those were the basic powers these things had, and it looks like this one is helping me fight, too. I considered this for a short time. The last two I can definitely use to my advantage. Mind control seems just a bit too much like an evil overlord type thing to do.

Looking over my shoulder, I saw a group of guards enter the alley I'd just come from. Shit! I didn't exactly hide the bodies! I sped up my walk, hoping to distance myself from the guards.

Looking back again, I saw a pegasus fly up from where the alley was. He flew out of sight before I could see where he was going, but fairly soon alarm bells began to ring out through the city. Hearing this, the populace flew into a panic. Guards flew overheard ordering people into their homes, and I soon realised that the crowd was thinning out, thus making me much more visible. Luckily, at the moment I just looked like a regular pony with a white mane from above, but when I didn't have a home to go to I'd stick out like a sore thumb.

I raced down another alleyway, hoping to find somewhere I could hide. Eventually, though, I realised just hiding wouldn't do it. They were looking for me now, and with the number of guards they'd deployed it was only a matter of time until I'd be found. I'd have to escape the area altogether. How the fuck am I going to do this? I thought.

I looked down at the Apple in my grasp. ...Illusion projection, eh? I grinned. I think I should test this out. Wary of guards from above, I held up the Apple and focused on projecting an image of myself. The Apple glowed, and I appeared before me. I tried to make it move, and it responded exactly how I wanted it to. Perfect.

I sent the image out of the alley and made it run to the right. I heard a shout, and several guards ran past, chasing it. I smirked and ran to the left.

I had to repeat this trick a few more times, but eventually I managed to get outside the walls without any trouble. It was at that point that I realised the city was halfway up a mountain. As I stood there a moment, taking in the view, I heard a shout from behind me. A pegasus had flown over the walls and spotted me as I paused to admire the scenery. I turned to run again, only to find myself faced with a long drop and a sharp stop.

I turned around, seeing no option other than to fight my way out. As soon as I did, however, the same pegasus slammed into me and knocked me over the edge of the cliff. For a moment, I teetered on the edge, my arms swinging wildly as I tried to regain my balance.

Time seemed to move in slow motion as I went over. A wordless cry escaped my lips as I fell to what I assumed was my end.

Chapter 3 - How the hell did that work?

Edward and I stood still in the Canterlot gardens, as we had done for almost as long as we could remember. The time we'd spent free seemed like nothing to us compared to how long we'd been imprisoned here.

Hey, Altair? Ed said to me. It had taken him a little while to get used to the new name I'd taken, but he'd eventually just gone with it. I think he realised that compared to how long I'd used it, the time that I was Josh seemed like the blink of an eye.

What is it, Edward? I responded.

Did you hear that just now? I frowned. Or, rather, I would've frowned, if I hadn't been stuck with the same expression of acceptance on my face for five hundred years.

Hear what?

There was a sound like fizzing, then a crash. He explained.

No, I- Suddenly, there was a loud shout.

"Aaah, what the fuck are you!?"

That sounded almost... familiar. I said. There was more shouting after that, though I couldn't make out the words.

Yeah... Edward replied. We heard the clanging of metal on metal, then a scream of pain.

Sounds like some pony's getting fucked up. I observed.

"Get the princess!" I heard somepony say.

Ooh, they're fucked now. Edward said. Sounds like someone's going to get thrown in the dungeon. We heard more shouting after that.

Hey, isn't that Sunbutt? Ed said.

I don't know, Ed. Unless she jumps out of these hedges, I won't really see her.

Fair enough.

"SHIIIIIT!" Language. I scolded the unseen offender.

You've said worse yourself. Ed reminded me.

We heard footsteps approaching us, then saw a blinding flash of light and all went quiet.

"Whew, I'm glad that's over." I heard someone say. It took me a moment to recognise the voice as the royal bitch herself, Celestia.

"What shall we do with it?" I heard another voice say.

"I'll put them with the other two. They're right around the corner."

Other two? I said to Ed.

She couldn't mean...

A moment later, Celestia herself walked into my field of view. She wasn't what captured my attention though, because floating beside her was a statue of a man in a white hood and a cape over one shoulder, who looked like he'd been sprinting away from something. To Edward and I, they were instantly recognisable.

Dave?! We shouted in unison.

Present. Came the reply.

What are you doing here? I said.

Oh, like I know. All I remember is you buying that Apple, then there was a flash of light and next thing I know I'm in a city of weird-ass anthro horses. He replied.

That's really weird. I said. The same thing happened to Ed and I, except I got here five hundred years ago, and Ed two hundred and fifty after that.

Celestia finished affixing Dave to the podium that the two of us were on, and stood back to admire her work.

"Three white-hooded figures, now." She said to herself. "They certainly look alike, but what is their connection...?"

We're all incredibly handsome badasses, duh. Ed said to her, knowing that she wouldn't hear him. I broke out laughing.

Hang on guys, I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. You've been here for hundreds of years! Dave said. Does that mean I'm going to be stuck here that long as well?

Yep. Ed said.

Probably. I added.

Dave sighed mentally. Great. So, what happened to you guys?

Pretty much the same thing. I said. Showed up, got on Sunbutt's bad side, ended up a fugitive, got caught, got stoned.

Pretty much, but with pirates. Ed said.

At least you got to be free for a bit. Dave said. So, what have you been doing for five hundred years?

Mostly get shit on by birds. I responded.

There was silence for a short time after that.

...I spy, with my-

NO ED WE ARE NOT PLAYING THAT AGAIN!

"AAAAAAHHHH!" I cried, falling. I flailed my arms madly, trying to catch onto something, anything, to stop my plummet. My attempts fell unfortunately short however, and I continued my inexorable drop toward the ground. I sighed, and closed my eyes, bracing myself for the inevitable.

Suddenly, I landed on something soft. Curious as to why my body was still intact, I rolled over and saw that I'd managed to land in a haybale.

...Are you fucking kidding me? I thought. I looked back up to see how high I'd fallen from, and saw that it'd been a few hundred feet at least. Seriously? I fall that far and a fucking haybale saves me? I looked down to the Apple in my hands. ...Well, stranger things have happened today.

I lay there in the hay for a while, just glad to have survived the fall. After a few minutes I noticed that I was moving. I poked my head out of the haybale I was in, and saw that it was in the back of a cart being pulled along by one of those ponies. I considered speaking to them, but decided against it. I thought it would still be better if I kept my head down for the time being. That in mind, I settled back into the hay for a while, content to see where it would take me.

About an hour later, I decided that I'd gotten far enough away from the city. I poked my head out of the cart to see that my unwitting chauffeur was walking a dirt road that went along the side of the forest. I figured that a forest would be a good place to hide out when I heard a roar from just inside the treeline. Suddenly, the biggest fucking lion I had ever seen came barreling out of the trees and charging straight toward the pony pulling the cart.

I leapt from the hay, just in time for the monster to plough straight into it. The pony screamed in terror, and the lion - which I now noticed had a scorpion tail and bat wings for some reason - turned its attention to them. It stalked toward them while the pony frantically tried to undo its harness and get away. I turned to run, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to leave the pony to their fate. Sighing in frustration at myself, I jumped onto the side of the cart, throwing my Apple into the hay for now, and from there onto the back of the beast, hidden blade extended.

I landed on its shoulders and thrust my blade into its neck. However, this served only to piss it off. Damn, I must've missed the spine, or whatever it is I'm supposed to hit on this thing.

It swung its tail at me, and I only narrowly managed to dodge it by rolling off of its back. The pony saw me, and used the distraction I had made to undo their harness and hide in their cart.

"Are you crazy?" They shouted at me. "That's a manticore! It'll kill you!" I sighed.

"Yeah, probably." I said, drawing my sword while keeping my eyes fixed on the manticore, which was now glaring at me.

Why did I intervene in this mess?

Suddenly, the manticore roared and charged me. I jumped to my left, evading its paws and slashing at its side with my sword. I left a large gouge, but to the manticore it was just a scratch. It spun around for another pass, roaring in fury. It leapt directly for me, and I only just managed to roll under it. Jumping to my feet, this left me in the unfortunate position of being directly behind its tail, which proceeded to swing at my head.

I slashed at it with my sword, and managed to sever the end. The manticore howled in rage and pain, and swung wildly at me faster than I could react to. Its claws raked across my chest, leaving a deep cut. I screamed in pain. The cuts seemed to burn unnaturally.

I knew I wouldn't last much longer if I stalled any more, so I elected to try and finish the fight then and there. I went on the offensive, running toward the beast and swinging at its face. Of course, it swatted the sword away and knocked me to the ground, pouncing on top of me. It went to bite me, and I only just managed to catch its jaws as they moved for my head, intending to take it off.It continued to strain against me, letting out a mighty roar right it my face. Its breath stank of rotten flesh.

I cried out, and letting go of the bottom of its jaw I punched it in the nose, causing it snarled and move its head back a fraction. I seized the opportunity I was presented with and stabbed it in the forehead with my hidden blade. It seemed I had managed to hit somewhere vital at last, as the manticore slumped forward onto me, finally dead.

I lay there panting, its corpse pinning me down, for a few seconds. The fight had taken more out of me than I realised.

"Y-you... you killed it." The pony said, reminding me of their presence.

"Yeah." I panted. "I guess I did." Shakily, they stood up and came over to me, heaving the monster's body off of my own. They looked me over, and winced upon seeing the cuts on my chest. They then looked at my face, however, and froze.

"Woah." They said. "You're not a pony." I laughed slightly.

"No, no I'm not." I said. "Listen, you got anything for these cuts? They're starting to sting a little." They nodded.

"Yeah, that's probably the poison. Manticores are known for being venomous." They said, walking over to their cart. I got up to follow them. "So, I think I have some manticore antidote here somewhere. Also, those cuts are going to need stitches."

"Great." I said. They came back over to me, holding a vial with some green liquid in it.

"Here, let me just rub this in the wounds. Then I'll stitch you up and you'll be good to go." They said.

"Thanks." I said. "The name's Altair, by the way." I added.

"Eve." They finished rubbing the antidote in, and began stitching me up. We made idle talk until she finished. When she had, I got up and retrieved the Apple of Eden. Then, I said goodbye to her and went to leave.

"Oh, you're going?" She said. I shrugged.

"No point sticking around. I may have forgotten to mention this, but I'm sort of wanted by the guards." I said. She nodded.

"Well, alright then, it'd probably be best if you did go." She said. "I'm grateful to you for saving me, but I don't want either of us to get arrested."

"Much obliged. I don't know if we'll meet again someday, but until then, see ya." With those parting words, I turned and headed into the forest.

Author's Notes:

So, this chapter took quite a bit longer to write than I anticipated. Sorry for the delay. Hopefully you all enjoyed the manticore fight, and Ezio/Dave's introduction.
The next few chapters are going to take a bit longer to write too, as I'm trying to make them longer.

Chapter 4 - The gang's all here!

Dave, Ed, and I were bored. This was nothing new, we'd been bored for the last few hundred years. We had been slightly less bored than usual though, recently. Just over a year ago, on the date of the summer sun celebration, the sun hadn't risen when it should have. I'd thought this was odd, especially when the moon stayed in the sky for at least a good hour after that. Eventually, it gave way to the sun as normal, leaving the three of us quite puzzled. We eventually learned that Moonbutt, the other princess that was responsible for my imprisonment, had returned from the moon.

A little after that, the Grand Galloping Gala had happened. Normally the three of us passed the time during these events by insulting the rich ponies tat passed by, but this time we'd been too busy laughing. There were these six that just turned the night into a huge fiasco, and we couldn't stop giggling at their antics. In hindsight, it probably wasn't that great but when you're stuck in stone for a thousand years your standards kinda drop.

It wasn't too long after that that the second greatest thing to happen in all our time of imprisonment happened: Discord's escape. He'd been there a few millennia longer than we had, I gathered afterwards. While I didn't care for the chocolate rain much, the notion that one who was sealed in stone could be freed was the best news I'd heard in a thousand years. And so, from then on we waited with baited breath for our chance to be free. The Changeling invasion had seemed promising, but to no avail; we remained statues.

Then, a year after the day the sun didn't rise, something really strange happened: The sun and moon in the sky at the same time. While it had been metal as hell to watch, it didn't really affect us much, so we hadn't bothered with it much.

It was not too long after that that we learned something vital: how Discord managed to free himself in the first place. The Royal sisters were taking a walk through the gardens when they touched on the subject. From my eavesdropping, we learned something. Because they were what sealed him, Discord had been freed when the Elements of Harmony had passed to new wielders. However, that only weakened his prison, as well as ours.

He'd only broken loose because he was an unbelievably powerful magic user, and had constantly been chipping away at his prison from the inside. Even before he managed to free himself entirely, his chaos magic had been seeping through, doing small things like causing ponies to argue and fall out. Us, however, had no magic. We'd need outside assistance.

And it just so happened that we had some.

It was about five hundred years after Dave had shown up. The three of us had been doing nothing much when Ed noticed a fizzing sound again.

Tell me you hear that this time. He said to us.

Yeah, I hear it. Dave said.

Me too. I said.

Suddenly, there was a sound like glass shattering, and in front of us appeared the most wonderful thing I had seen in several centuries.

Rob! Cried the three of us in unison. Rob got to his feet and looked around.

"Well, this isn't comicon." He remarked. He turned around so he was facing our statues and froze. "Woah. Josh? Dave? Edward?" He walked over and put a hand on my shoulder.

Took you long enough. I said, not really to him but to Ed and Dave.

"Waah!" He yelled, jumping back in shock.

Holy shit, I think he heard me! Rob! Rob, can you hear me? I said. Rob looked over at me warily apparently not having heard that last bit. He walked over again and tentatively touched my statue.

Rob, please don't freak out, but it's me, Alta- I mean, Josh.

"Woah." He said. "This is weird. Why are you a statue, Josh?"

I'll explain later. For now, can you get us out of here? I said.

"I can try. What should I do?" He responded.

I figured this out a while ago. With the stoning spell weakened, all you should have to do is smash the statue. I'll probably be released after that.

"Well if you're sure." He said, taking his hand away and backing up a few paces. He took out his tomahawk, stopping a moment to observe that it was now metal and wood instead of plastic. "Here goes nothing."

Taking a running start, he smashed the blunt end of his tomahawk into my chest. The statue crumbled around me, and I fell to my knees, gasping for breath.

"Finally! Oh man, one thousand years in stone and I'm finally free!" I said, grinning ear to ear. I stood up and grabbed Rob in a hug. "Thank you, you beautiful man!"

"Woah, okay, I get it, you're happy to be free." He said. "Calm down. Lets get the other two out, and then we can celebrate tog- Wait, did you say a THOUSAND YEARS?!"

I waved a hand dismissively at him.

"Eh, give or take." I said. "Its a long story. But like you said, lets get these two out and we can tell you the story later." Rob nodded, and we set to work getting the others free. Once we were all out, I got everyone's attention.

"Alright guys, we're finally free. Now, to make sure we stay that way. First, we need to escape the city." And so, we set off through the Canterlot gardens. After only about five minutes of walking, we heard a cry from behind us.

"Call the Princesses! Three of the statues have gone missing."

"Fuck." I said. leading the group around the gardens. Suddenly, we found our progress halted by a small group of guards armed with swords. I immediately took charge.

"Ed, cover me. Rob, Dave, you two stay back." I said, before I ran forward to meet them. They seemed shocked at this, and I pounced on the opportunity.

I leapt onto the one closest to me, driving my hidden blade into his throat. I quickly backpedalled, putting myself out of range of a swing by one of the guards. I drew my sword in my right hand, holding it up for the guards to see.

"So." I said. "Who's first?" I grinned sadistically, having forgotten just how much I loved fighting after my imprisonment. I didn't give them a chance to answer.

I stepped toward the first guard, getting inside his defense and slashing at his throat. He fell to the ground. Another guard took a swing at me, which I parried, sending him to the floor. I drove my sword into the small of his back, ending him. Two guards came at me at once. I dodged the first one's thrust and threw him into his ally, impaling him. I slashed his neck and he went down too.

One of them came at me from behind, and though I dodged his slash it knocked the sword from my hands. I leaned back to dodge his thrust, and slammed my hidden blade into his temple. The last guard came at me from above while I was unprepared, only to be taken out by Edward's guns.

"Thanks." I said to him, retrieving my sword. It was at that point that I noticed Rob and Dave staring at me with their mouths agape. "What? Do I have blood on my face?" I asked.

"Dude... you just killed six trained guards without breaking a sweat." Rob said. "I never knew you could fight like that." Oh yeah, they've never seen me fight before.

"Eh, it was nothing." I said, waving a hand at them as we began to walk through the gardens again. "They're not exactly a challenge. Seems the guard's gone soft over a thousand years. Even back then, they weren't that much of a threat. The bigger problems were the Everfree monsters. Manticores and Cragadiles can pack quite a punch. And even I knew not to mess with a hydra."

I led them to the edge of the cliff at the end of the city. Switching to eagle vision, I saw a faint white glow down below us. Thank fuck, a haybale. I clapped my hands to gain their attention.

"Alright, we're going to jump off of this cliff." Dave and Rob looked confused, while Ed just nodded. He jogged up to the edge and squinted his eyes, looking for his target. I pointed it out to him, and he swan-dived over the edge.

"Holy shit!" Rob said. "Did he just-"

"Leap of Faith." I said. "I don't know how, but it works here. I don't question it. Ed told me that he'd done them a few times while he was free, too." Dave nodded.

"Yeah, I remember. Never thought I'd have to do one myself." He said. He walked up to the edge and looked over. "Where am I aiming?" He asked me. I pointed out the haybale below us, and Dave steeled himself.

"GERONIMOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" He yelled, as he sailed over the edge. Next, Rob stepped up.

"I don't know about this, man." He said. Just then, a group of guards burst from the hedges, though thankfullt there were no pegasi with them.

"No time for that!" I said, seeing the guards. I ran up to Rob and kicked him in the back, sending him over the edge of the cliff. He screamed the entire way down. I span around to face the guards coming up behind me as I walked backwards to the edge.

"Gentlecolts," I said, "You will forever remember this day, as the day that you almost caught Altair Ibn La'Ahad." With those parting words, I let myself fall backwards over the edge of the cliff.

Author's Notes:

I know I said I was going to make the chapters longer, but fuck it.

Chapter 5 - Moving on

Author's Notes:

Okay, I know that this chapter is really short and mostly entirely filler and it's been far too long but I felt like I needed to get something out. I'm sorry that this chapter took so long for less than 1,000 words but I've been really preoccupied lately. That, coupled with exam season just starting, hasn't left me much time to write. I promise hope that I'll be able to write more next time.

I landed in the haybale with a loud thump. Luckily, Ed had had the good sense to get the others out of the haybale before we landed, so we didn't impair each other's landings. Brushing hay off myself, I stood up and looked for my friends, who were sat at the side of the hay. Rob looked pissed.

"You kicked me off of a cliff!" He said.

"Yeah, I was there." I said. "Now then, we obviously can't stay here forever, they'll come looking for us. That cliff faces east, so we need to go... that way!" I said., pointing south of us. I set off walking, the others shrugging and falling in behind me. Rob was still pissed.

"Dude, you can't just kick people off of cliffs." He said.

"Okay, next time I'll shove you." I responded. I caught his look of irritation and sighed. "You wouldn't have jumped by yourself and the guards were on our ass. What was I supposed to do?" He faltered at that.

"Anyway, we should keep moving. They won't take forever to catch up to us." I said, addressing the rest of the group. "We should head to the Everfree, its where I hid out back in my day." Ed paled.

"The Everfree? No way man, that place is bad news." He said. "There were legends about that place back from when I was around, and I can't imagine it's gotten better." I grinned.

"I daresay there were legends, Ed. I started a few of them." The other three looked shocked. "What? You never heard the story of the White Phantom?"

Ed gasped. "That old story was you? Dude, that's pretty fucked up."

"Okay, I feel like we're missing something here." Dave said, walking between us. "First, what's the Everfree, and why's it so bad? Secondly, what's the White Phantom, and why's it so bad?"

"The Everfree is an incredibly old forest in the middle of Equestria. Back when I was free, it was where I kept my base of operations. I wasn't alone back then by the way; I had an order." I explained.

Dave nodded. "Yeah, I remember you telling us about that. Just you and a couple ponies wasn't it?"

"Pretty much." I said. "Anyway, the Everfree was a big hub of chaos magic back then, and I'm guessing it still is now, so the all the flora and fauna are out of whack. As for the White Phantom, well, I didn't exactly have the best of reputations."

"No shit." Ed butted in. "The White Phantom was a legend. A ghostly pony who would kill anyone it came across without mercy. And now it turns out that we knew him."

"Wait, you killed innocent ponies for no reason?" Rob said. "He's right, that is pretty messed up."

"Not for no reason." I said. "I did it to keep them away from my order. And a little bit because it was fun." The other three seemed shocked at my statement.

"You killed... for fun?" Ed said. I snorted derisively.

"Says the pirate." I pointed out.

"Hey, I didn't kill. Yeah, I stole and plundered, but I never killed if I could help it." He said defensively. "I don't mean to sound like Robin Hood or something here, but I stole from the rich and gave to the poor. We may have been pirates, but we weren't evil."

"Oh, implying I was?" I said. "I had a purpose back then, you know, and I plan to carry it on now. I'll tell you about it when we get somewhere safe. But for now, I'll tell you this much..." I spun to face them.

"The Apple wasn't the only Piece I found."

Chapter 6 - Who the fuck are these guys?

It had been a few hours since we escaped from Canterlot, and we were now well into the Everfree forest. Since we'd been walking for a few hours, I decided it was time for a rest stop.

"Fucking finally." Said Dave. "We've been walking non-stop since we escaped that place."

"Well, it's not like we want to get caught again." I said pointedly. "Anyway, it's probably safe in the Everfree for now. Let's go gather some food and water, and we'll rest our legs for a bit. My old base is still quite a bit away." We split up, and each wandered off into the forest to try and find something edible. It was only after we'd separated that I realised that not only was I the only one with any idea about what was edible and what wasn't, but that I didn't know if that would've changed at all since I was last here.

Shifting into eagle vision, I climbed a tree and started moving through the treetops. After a short time, I spotted a goose below me. I dropped onto it and snapped its neck. It's a start, but this'll only be good enough for about one of us. I'll need to find more.

I continued my search. After another few minutes, I heard snoring. Stalking closer, I saw a large manticore asleep in a clearing next to a bog. While manticore wasn't the best tasting animal this world had to offer, it was certainly nutritious. The beast would serve to keep us on our feet for a few more hours. I began to slowly make my way over to it, careful to avoid stepping on anything that might make a sound and wake it up. I did not need that thing to notice me.

Of course, as soon as I thought that the weirdest car I had ever seen crashed through the foliage. Even stranger was the fact that it appeared to be being driven by a green cybernetic ninja, and a guy with an orange mask who looked like he belonged in some kind of anime. Naturally, it ploughed straight into the manticore, sending it sprawling through the air and landing with a resounding splash in the bog it had been napping next to. The manticore turned toward us and let out a deafening roar.

“Shit.” I said.

There was a loud rumble, and from behind the manticore rose four long, scaly brown necks, each topped by a pissed-off looking head.

And a fucking hydra. Why not? I thought to myself.

“Well thanks a lot, assholes.” I said to the two driving the vehicle.

Naturally, they ignored me. The green cyberninja turned to the orange masked guy and… well, he extended his hand and rolled his head around for seemingly no reason. “Kohai, I told you that we needed to have made a left at that bit of the Void! Then, we would have gone to the Equestria made entirely of bacon!”

The orange one shrugged. “But sempai, this one felt interesting! You have to admit, one minute here and we've already hit a manticore into a hydra.”

What on Earth were these guys on? I thought.

Green moron nodded. “That may be so, that may be so. At the same time, bacon. You know that you would want a piece of that tasty world.”

Orange moron shrugged, pulling out a small black knife and toying with it idly. “But if everything was bacon, sempai, wouldn't it technically be eating dirt?”

“Oi, fucknuggets!” I said, trying to get their attention. “I don’t know what the hell you two are on about, but if you could maybe stop talking for a second and help me kill this hydra, that’d be great.” I had no idea what kind of drugs these guys were on, but all I was focusing on at the moment was the hydra glaring down at me. They continued to ignore me, however, so I decided I needed a different tactic.

“Bacon is for chumps!” I yelled at them.

That got a reaction. Orange moron threw the knife at me, but I dodged, thankfully. He then turned around. “Fuck you, bacon is awes-” He then stopped. “Sempai, it’s a guy in a hoody.”

Green moron turned around and looked. “Huh, so it is.” He then saw the hydra. “Oh. Right.”

He got up, cracking his joints. “Fine, I guess I can kill these things for you… if you’re too much of a wuss or a vegan to.”

I drew my sword. “I’ll take the manticore, you two keep the Hydra off of me. Deal?” He nodded, drawing his own sword, while Orange moron gave a thumbs up. “Oh, and a word of warning: I don’t know how it is back wherever you’re from, but hydras here have almost uncuttable, magic-proof scales, so that sword might not be too useful. Best thing to do is go for the eyes.”

With that, I ran toward the manticore. He was a big bastard, they’d certainly grown over a thousand years. It leaped into the air and glided toward me, roaring as it went. I jumped, planting one foot squarely into its face, and using it to vault onto its back. It landed and attempted to stab at me with its tail. I’d learned long ago, however, that the best way to dispose of manticores was to get rid of their tail first. As it stabbed toward me I sidestepped and slashed at it.

I failed to sever it completely, but I’d put a large gash in it. The manticore wasn’t pleased with that. It reared up onto its hind legs and fell backward, attempting to crush me beneath it. I jumped off just in time, however, and rolled to the side. It flipped back over and came at me again.

Fuck, this is one relentless bugger. I thought.

Meanwhile, Green moron was just calmly walking up to the hydra. He looked up at it and started scratching his neck. “Magic proof scales, huh? Well, time to… meditate.”

With that, he just sat down and started spinning around, teleporting above onto its head and attempting a downwards slash. Unfortunately, while he managed to get one head, the other three were refocusing on him. They drew back…

Only for him to jump right back off and getting two of them to collide. He landed on the ground and effortlessly backflipped away. “Huh, this is surprisingly easy. You sure this was a challenge?” With that, he put his sword into a better position and pointed his hand.

“Fuuton: Wind Blade!” With a simple flick of his fingers, the last head’s eyes were impaled with something or other.
“Wham, bam, thank you ma’am.”

I gaped at him. He had not only just killed a full-grown hydra, but he’d done it almost casually. I was startled out of my shock by the manticore pouncing on me again. I slashed at its face with my sword, blinding it. This caused it to roar and swing wildly with its paws and tail, but since it didn’t know where I was, I ran behind it and severed the tail at the base. It roared again and whirled at me, but this time I was ready for it. I leapt onto its back again, and swung my sword as hard as I could into its neck, severing its head. It flopped to the floor, dead, and I jumped off it and walked over to the two weirdos.

“Wow. I'm impressed, I've never seen someone take down a hydra so easily. You have got to show me how you did that.” I said.

Orange moron lazily pulled out another knife. “It’s easy when you’re using chakra. Yoshimitsu can induce a chakra system in you.”

Yoshimitsu nodded. “Indeed. I can induce it. But first, let us help you carry these things back to your camp. Tobi.” Tobi nodded, gripping the hydra’s corpse.

“Kamui!” yet another weird miracle occurred, with the hydra’s corpse literally disappearing into his eyehole via a swirling black vortex.

I gaped.

“Wow, I do not want to know what is behind that mask.” I said. “Anyway the camp is over this way.” We returned to the camp, seeing that the other three were already there.

“Hey guys.” I said. “I found ninjas. Ninjas, these are Rob, Ed, and Dave.” I pointed to each of them as I said their names.

Tobi looked around, then turned to Yoshimitsu and started talking. “Sempai, it’s a hoody meeting.”

Yoshimitsu nodded. “We should probably introduce ourselves.”

Tobi nodded. ‘Hi! Name’s Tobi, and this is Yoshimitsu-sempai. Pleased to meet ya!”

Dave, Ed, and Rob just stared at them.

“Where the fuck did you find those guys?” Ed said, eventually. “Isn’t he a Naruto character?”

“Yeah, and I swear I’ve seen the other guy in some kind of video game.” Dave said.

“Oh, like we can talk.” I pointed out. “Anyway, I found them in the forest. Was about to kill a manticore, when they showed up and hit it with their… 'car'. Into a hydra.”

Tobi nodded. “You see, it’s because my magic eye allows me to travel across dimensions.”

Yoshimitsu nodded. “Indeed. I gained magic eyes from eating a chunk of soapstone, and now, we go on a roadtrip through the multiverse. Also, Tobi, should we get the ball rolling with gifts?”

Tobi nodded, focused, and the hydra corpse popped out of his magical-ass eye. Tobi grinned. “Now, who wants some grass?” With another swirling of blackish stuff around his eyehole, joints popped into existence. He passed them around, leaving us staring at these magical joints.

“Well, I didn’t have anything else planned.” I said, sitting down and putting my feet up. “You got a light?”

Ed and Dave joined me, but Rob just stood there tentatively holding the joint.

“Dude, seriously? A random Naruto character just gives you weed and you’re not going to question that at all?” He said.

“Pfft,” I laughed, “You are such a virgin.”

Tobi shrugged. “Eh. We’re not, quite sure about that. But whatevs.” He looked, shuffled over, and flicked his hands. “Fire release: Great Fireball jutsu!”

The resulting fireball barely missed us, lit the joint, and flew through the forest, where it presumably hit something.

“Well, that’s one way of doing it.” I said. “So, how about we carve up some hydra steaks?” I went over to the hydra and drew my sword, only to remember my own warning about hydra scales. “Hmm. Hey, Yoshi-whatever-your-face-was, mind giving me a hand with this?”

Yoshi nodded, drawing the katana that I noticed was glowing. With a couple of surprisingly elegant gestures, the hydra’s corpse was neatly sliced into large chunks of meat. He sheathed it, and opened the lower hatch of his mask, revealing a rather scarred mouth.
“Let’s get cooking.”

After we’d had our fill of hydra, the six of us sat around a campfire that we’d built and Tobi had lit.

“So,” I said, “What’s your dimension like? Is it an alternate Equestria, or are you from Earth too?”

Tobi took a puff of his joint. “Well, we’re from Earth originally. We bought things at a con- I bought this ring,” here he indicated a purple crystal ring on his left thumb, “and Yoshimitsu-sempai bought his sword.”

Yoshimitsu shuddered. “Then, hambeasts practically attacked us, and we had to get out of there lickety-split. Next thing we know, poof, Equestria.”

“Funny, a similar thing happened to me.” I said. “We were also at a con and bought stuff, but for us it was the Apple of Eden. It plonked me here about one thousand years ago and I got turned to stone. After that, these guys started showing up later. Ed arrived around two hundred and fifty years after me, then Dave five hundred, and Rob one thousand, which is how we escaped.”

“So,” Ed said. “You’re on a multi-dimensional roadtrip now? Been anywhere interesting?”

Tobi waved his hand. “Nah, not really. Navigating the Equestrian multiverse is difficult enough, but we manage.”

Yoshimitsu nodded. “It’s kind of crazy. Anyway.” He pulled out a chunk of a faintly glowing white rock.
“We don’t need this anymore, so I guess you can have it.”

“What is it?” I asked, reaching out for it. “Soapstone?... Why is there a chunk missing from it?” I asked, before remembering what he’d said earlier. “Wait, this is the stuff that gave you magic eyes, isn’t it?... Well if it worked for you…” I said, putting the soapstone in my mouth. However, Yoshimitsu quickly reached over.

“Whoa, that is crazy shit you’re talking about there, partner. Here.” Tobi said, pulling out a bottle of vodka. “Wash it down with this.”

“Alrighty then.” I said. I put the soapstone in my mouth and bit down, taking a chunk out of it. I chewed for a couple of seconds, before taking a swig of the vodka and swallowing. I immediately started coughing.

“Christ on a bicycle!” I said. “What, did you put acid in this?” It was at that point that I felt a burning sensation in my gut.

“...That doesn’t feel too good.” I said, and promptly blacked out.

When I came to, I saw Rob, Ed, and Dave standing over me. “How long was I out?” I said.

“About ten seconds.” Dave said. “But you were glowing.”

Yoshimitsu shrugged.”Eh, it’s probably nothing. Now then!” He grinned. “For a limited time only, I will be bestowing the chakra power on anybody who wants it. I should warn you though, it will hurt like a bitch.” He looked to me. “Not you though Josh, sorry. You kind of ate some soapstone. Hope you understand.”

“...Not really.” I said. “But sure, whatevs. I’m not about to argue with cross-dimensional ninjas.”

“Sooo…” Dave said. “What exactly is this ‘chakra’?”

“I think it’s like inner energy or something.” Ed said. “It lets people control things like fire and water, and does a whole bunch of other weird shit. Not sure what type we’ll end up with, though. I never watched much Naruto, but personally I’m hoping for wind.”

Yoshimitsu nodded. “Then by the power of my hand, I give you… THE CHAKRA POWER!”

With that, he slammed a hand on Ed’s head and green energy flowed through him. Impressively, Ed only screamed for a couple of minutes before Yoshimitsu's hand exploded with green energy before hurling him halfway across the clearing. He looked around. “Huh, didn’t work. Right, who else wants some?”

Dave and Rob backed away slowly. “Nah, I uh, think I’m good.” Said Dave.

Rob nodded his agreement. “I’m with Dave on this one, that does not look good.”

“Suit yourself.” I said, standing up and looking at the sun. “It’s probably time for us to move on anyway; the guards’ll be hot on our tail by now. It was fun meeting you guys, though. Maybe we’ll see each other again someday.”

Tobi and Yoshimitsu waved. “That’s okay; we totally understand. Laters!” With that, they climbed back into the car, and drove off. More black swirling came out of Tobi’s eyehole, and then they got sucked into it, like water down a drain.

“...Well, they were fucking weird.” Dave said.

Author's Notes:

This has been a crossover with Ssendam the Masked's story Screw the Rules, We're On a Road Trip!

Go check it out!

Chapter 7 - No place like home

We'd been walking through the forest without incident, somehow, ever since we'd left the ninjas about half an hour ago. All the walking was starting to wear the other three out, and it really showed.

"Josh," Rob said. "Are we there yet?"

"Does it look like we're there?" I said. "Of course we're not fucking there yet. It's not far though, chill out."

"How much further is 'not far', though?" Dave said.

"We'll be there in about... now." I span on my heel, facing my companions. "We're here."

The others looked around. "I don't see anything." Said Ed. "Are you just pulling our legs?"

"Of course you don't see it." I said. "Wouldn't be much of a hidden base if it wasn't hidden, would it?" I walked over to a seemingly random tree and plunged my hidden blade into it's trunk. The tree bleeped once, before an ethereal voice emanated from it.

Authorisation recognised; Altair Ibn-La'Ahad It said, echoing in our minds. Suddenly, a rune circle appeared underneath my feet.

"Everyone, get in the circle." I said. They complied, and I removed my blade from the tree trunk. The circle flashed, and we found ourselves in an underground cavern.

"Gentlemen, welcome to my hideout." I said. "I'll give you the tour later, but for now I need to check that everything is okay." I left them in the entrance chamber and walked further into my cavernous lair. As I passed the pillars at the entrance, I heard voices from up ahead.

"I'm telling you, the teleporter just activated. Somepony's down here." Said one of them. They sounded young, male. Trottingham, judging by the accent.

"Don't be foolish." Replied another voice. "Nopony's been here in years. There's only the three of us down here, and that's all there'll ever be." This one sounded like an old man. As they passed the corner I was hiding behind, I crept behind them, bashing their heads together before pulling them both into a chokehold, the boy under my right arm and the old man under my left.

"Stay still." I commanded them. "Do exactly as I say and I'l let you live. Resist, and I'll kill you both." The young boy quickly nodded. The old one, however, attempted to elbow me in the ribs. I grunted, more out of surprise than pain, and loosened my grip slightly. He tried to take this opportunity to wriggle free and run for it, but I threw the boy under his hooves as he got loose, tripping him up. I leapt onto his back.

"I warned you." I whispered, before cutting his throat. I stood and walked back over to the boy. As I approached, he looked up at me and gasped. I raised my blade over his face, and he threw his hands up in front of it, in a pitiful attempt to shield himself. I stopped myself from stabbing him just in time, when I noticed something.

"Show me your hand." I said. He raised his hand in front of his face, revealing his missing ring finger. I grinned. It seemed my order had survived all these years. I grasped his hand and lifted him to his hooves.

"Well, this is a surprise." I said. "I hadn't expected you lot to still be around. I trust that you recognise me?" He nodded fervently.

"Altair Ibn-La'Ahad, greatest assassin who ever lived. It's an honour." He said, bowing.

"Yes, it is." I said. I heard footsteps from behind me and turned to face Ed, Dave, and Rob. "Hey guys, turns out my order is still around. At least one of them is, anyway." I turned back to the pony.

"Anyway, give me the info. How many members do we have?"

"Only three, counting you, now that you've killed him." He said, indicating the old man. I facepalmed.

"Shouldn't have gotten my hopes up..." I said. "Well, anyway, show me where this third member is, uh... What's your name?"

"Dodger." He said. "Artful Dodger." Of fucking course it is. I thought. At least now the accent makes sense.

"Well, Dodger, get on with it." I said. We followed him through a series of tunnels, heading deeper into the hideout. Eventually, we came upon a huge door. Dodger knocked three times on it.

"Enter." Came a deep, rumbling voice from beyond it. Dodger pushed the door open, with no small amount of effort, and led us inside. It was pitch black inside, and just as our eyes were adjusting a large gout of flame sprang up and spun around the edge of the chamber, lighting dozens of torches, and we were able to see who we were standing before.

An enormous white dragon stood before us. Drawing himself up to his full height, he growled menacingly. Ed whipped out his guns, while Dave and Rob backed off slowly.

"So, Dodger, what is it this time?" He said in a voice that sounded like thunder. "And who are they, that you have brought into my sanctum?"

"Ah, shut up." I said. He brought his head down to me.

"Who dares speak to me as such?" He said, blowing a puff of smoke over me. I reached up and took my hood off of my head.

"Why, don't tell me you've forgotten me so soon." I said, looking into one of his gigantic eyes. It took a moment, but eventually a spark of recognition flashed in his eyes.

"...Master?"

Author's Notes:

So, yeah, kind of a long hiatus. Sorry about that. I took a break while my exams were on and I've been finding it hard to get back into the pattern of writing.

Still, I hope this should tide you over for now.

Chapter 8 - Well, that's a curveball

As the others looked up fearfully at the huge dragon towering above us, I walked over to its face and patted its snout.

"Yep, it's me. It's been a while, hasn't it, Beoran?" I said.

"I had no idea you'd still be alive." He said, lowering his voice to such a volume as it was no longer painful to hear.

"Uh, Altair..." Said Dodger, "How do you know each other?"

"Who, Beoran here? I saved his life as a hatchling." I said, walking back to the others. "He was pretty young, I reckon he had only hatched a few weeks ago. I found him surrounded by a group of timberwolves, which are literally wolves made of timber here." Rob chuckled at the pun.

"He saved me, and adopted me as his apprentice." Beoran said. "Although, I can't imagine at my current age that I'd be much for stealth. Speaking of age, however, how is it you are still around?"

"Sunbitch sealed me in stone." I said. "Same story for Ed and Dave, but Rob only just got here."

"I'm impressed." Said Beoran. "I would've thought you'd have gone mad from boredom by now."

"Actually, we did go mad for a little bit." Dave said.

"But eventually, we got bored of that, too." Ed chimed in.

"Instead, we focused on what we'd do when we got out." I continued. "Namely, revenge on the Princesses. Mainly Sunbutt."

"Sir? What kind of revenge are we talking about?" Dodger said.

"Well, to put it simply - " Dave said, before I cut him off.

"I'm going to feed her her own heart." I deadpanned. Rob paled, Dodger, Ed and Dave grimaced a bit, and Beoran chuckled. "Anyway, I dare say that we won't be able to feed any organs to anyone if all we do is stand around here. Time for action, and also time for getting you all up to speed. Rob and Dave, I'm going to take you two and start training you. Ed, Beoran, and Dodger, bring me our current intel on Canterlot and the Princesses. I want to know what we know about the current state of affairs in Equestria."

With that, I beckoned Rob and Dave to follow me and led them to the training area.

Training the other three had been a nightmare, but I had finally gotten them to a respectable level of competence at the art of stealth. Rob had advanced most quickly, showing surprising aptitude at all areas I covered, but Dave had largely been a disappointment. He had failed in the stealth exercises especially, the area of training that I held in highest regard.

Dodger had gotten to work quickly. After a few days, he had managed to procure up-to-date maps of all the major cities, including Canterlot. It turned out that we had some contacts outside of the organisation, too, which helped massively. Apparently, some of them knew who I was. A couple of them, upon hearing of my return, had even asked about joining up.

I was having Dave run the obstacle course one day when Dodger approached me with a letter from one of our Canterlot informants.

"Altair? I have something you might want to see." He said. I took the letter from him and began to read it.

Dodger,

I have some information your master should be interested in. On the day after he escaped, I noticed a distinct increase in guard presence around the royal vaults. Figuring this wasn't likely to be a coincidence, I started eavesdropping on them, and learned that they were moving an old artefact to a more secure location. After listening further, one of them started talking about how they had to keep a certain someone from reclaiming it at all costs. Considering that Altair was released the day before this whole thing started, I figured he might be the one they were talking about.

I gave the latter back to him, having read enough.

"Thanks Dodger." I said. "I think I know exactly what this letter is talking about."

"Really, sir?" He said. "What is it?"

"Something I lost to Sunbitch a while back." I said. "Anyway, go and find Rob and Ed. I want them in on this." Dodger nodded and ran off. I walked over to where Dave had just finished his run, checking his time.

"Seven minutes and forty-two seconds, Dave." I said, shaking my head. "Fucking abysmal."

"Fuck you, dude."

Author's Notes:

THIS STORY IS NOW CANCELLED

Yeah, so, in short: Fuck. This. Story.
Just... fuck it.

I wanted to cancel this a while back but hesitated because it's so popular. Now, however, I haven't updated it for ages and I've barely been working on it at all, to tell the truth. I realise I'll probably never write another story that'll get featured again, let alone 300 favourites, but I just can't bring myself to continue this garbage.

I hate this story at this point.

If you enjoyed this, however, and want to check out more of my work, please read my other much better but less popular story, Through The Fire And Flames. I guarantee it's better than this tripe.

I hope this story burns in downvotes.