"No."

"Please?"

"Not just no, but Hell no."

"Pretty please?"

I sighed, rolling my eyes. "Why do you want to get me out of my cloak?" I liked this cloak. A lot.

"It's all scratchy, and I can't give you a hug when you're all scratchy!" I raised an eyebrow at the...surprisingly effective puppy-eyes.

"Why would you hug me?" Okay, in my defense I was genuinely curious.

"Friends hug! We're friends, so I'm gonna hug you!" Sound logic.

"And exactly what makes you think we're friends?" Despite myself, I found myself shrugging off the thick cloak. I immediately felt...smaller. As if I'd gone from being invincible to helpless. I shook it off.

"Well...you forgave me, and I wanna be your friend." Pinkie's smile started to wane, the small curl her hair had managed to regain starting to fall out.

"So forgiving you automatically means I like you?" I asked, finding myself much more patient than I expected. What the Hell's going on?

Pinkie's eyes fell for a split second, but her pseudo-smile morphed into a determined glare. "Now you listen here, mister. I apologized. You forgave me. And you're right...I wasn't there to help. But I am here now, and I am going to help! Now take...it...OFF!"

"WHAT THE HELL?!"

She grabbed the edges of the cloak and forcibly tugged it down, the scratchy fabric making a faint, raspy hiss as it slid down my makeshift toga. With her forelegs no longer on the mattress to support her, she fell forward, directly into me. I fell back onto the bed with a squawk, arms waving uselessly at my sides. What?! What?! What?! What?!

I inhaled to speak. Or...I tried to. For some reason, my nose was blocked off. I wasn't sick, I hadn't gotten so much as a cold since arriving in Equestria. So...what?

A drop of drool rolled down my cheek. Oh. Oh. "Bingkie...ged obba me." Upon falling over me, somehow Pinkie's open muzzle landed right on me. And she was now trying to eat my face. The upper half of my face. "Bingkie....off.

Slowly, the slobbery pony mouth pulled away, and I was finally able to see. Pinkie's eyes were again pinpricks, her mouth still slightly open, tongue hanging out.

And she was red. From her ears to her cheeks was practically glowing scarlet. "I...I-I, uhh..."

"Whatever you think that was," I started, internalizing my screaming fit, "stop. It was an accident. Let it go."

"...Nope." With another word, Pinkie descended. I squirmed and tried to pull away, but Pinkie was sitting on my lap. Wherever I went, she went. DAMN IT!

It happened with an audible 'muah'. Pink pony lips plopped down onto my own, still fitting awkwardly over most of my own very tightly closed mouth, covering whatever dry spots remained on my face with pony drool.

I shot upright, roughly pushing Pinkie away. "What the fuck, Pinkie?!" I shouted, leaping off the bed. She rolled to a stop at the edge of the mattress, looking up at me with a confused, hurt expression.

"Jayjay, calm down!" She pleaded, hopping down to the floor.

"Stay back," I ordered, picking my cloak off the floor and wrapping it securely around my body. I tossed the hood up, obscuring my face and giving myself some small measure of comfort.

"It's okay, I'm not gonna hurt you!" She offered, ears plastered against her skull and body low to the ground. "It's okay!"

"NO, IT'S NOT OKAY!" I snapped, stomping my foot. "What part of this could have possibly made you think THAT was okay?!"

"Jayjay-"

"My name is Jason," I hissed, teeth bared in a snarl. "Jason. I only let one person call me silly nicknames, and you are not. Her." I turned to leave, my hand on the doorknob.

"Jay-...Jason, please!" I felt something rub against my side, spun around, and slapped the hoof away.

"Don't touch me!" I spat, voice low and harsh. "Don't you ever touch me!" She scurried back, hoof held to her chest. I settled my glare on her for a few seconds, before walking out and slamming the door behind me. Fucking ponies!

I stormed down the stairs, walking past a still-terrified Cup Cake without a second glance. Fuck this, fuck them, and fuck me.
-----

Rainbow Dash blinked, the harsh fluorescent light killing her eyes. Her head was swimming, and her body felt numb and heavy.

"Ahh, I see you're awake." Rainbow looked out to the side, where a vaguely pony-shaped blur stood beside her bed. "Don't try to talk. You've got a breathing tube in your throat." At this, he sounded sympathetic. "I'm afraid your trachea's completely collapsed. We're doing all we can, but it's going to take time to heal."

What? She asked herself, her expression uncomprehending.

"The Princess had you moved to Ponyville Hospital as soon as your condition stabilized. I'm afraid you've only been here a few hours." The doctor added, pulling out a syringe. "If you get plenty of rest, you'll be allowed visitors tomorrow."

The doctor injected a fluid into Rainbow's IV, and she was out in a matter of seconds.
-----

I paced at the edges of the Everfree, grumbling to myself. "What the Hell was she thinking?" I said out loud, fidgeting nervously with the fabric of my cloak. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. Just...calm...down.

I am calm. I am fine. Everything is perfectly fine.

...And this tree is familiar. I looked up at the twisting trunk, the large branches, and the ring of raw, rubbed-away bark on a thick limb roughly twelve feet in the air. Right...this is the spot. I reached up and rubbed absently at the collar of raised, red scar tissue around my neck. It looks like we match.

"Heh...hehehehahahahaha!" I started laughing, and once I started, I couldn't stop. Nothing about this was funny. I shouldn't have laughed.

But a lot of things happen that shouldn't.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!"