I was bored...bored...incredibly bored. I was sleeping, I knew that much. And that was the problem. I KNEW I was sleeping. But I wasn't dreaming. Or at least, not my usual dreams. It felt like I was floating through a black abyss, no body, no noise, no light...I didn't feel overly lonely per se, nor did I feel the crushing depression so often associated with things like this, but it felt like I'd been here for hours and I was going CRAZY!

"SOMETHING HAD BETTER HAPPEN SOON!" I shouted—or tried to. I couldn't hear my words. Or feel them leave my mouth. Or feel my mouth. Did I have a mouth? I wasn't sure. For a pitch-black abyss of solitude, it was annoying me something fierce.

...The fuck did I just say? I'd noticed myself slipping into a southern accent recently, mostly when I was upset (which was most of the time, to be fair) but I hadn't spoken like that in years. Not since I was a little kid, at least. An image of my grandma, a stooped, withered old woman in a Tennessee mountain home flashed into my mind, and I'm sure I would've smiled if I had a face.

I missed my grandma. The old bat was notorious for stuffing me full of sugar and caffeine right before sending me with my parents for the day-long drive back to Newark. I knew she did it to get revenge on how crazy my dad was as a kid, bless his heart.

I tried not to think about my parents too much. I was thirty-fi—No...wait. I was thirty-five when I got here. It had been around three years since I came to Equestria, so I was at least thirty-eight. I chuckled slightly, wishing I could close my nonexistent eyes. "I'm turning into an old man..."

"Do not speak to me about age, Jason Wright."

...The fuck was that? It was another moment before the boring blackness gave way to...my old home, just as I remembered it. I was sitting on my couch, whole and unmarred by my time in Equestria. I took a moment to savor the feeling of not having any pain, relaxing into my spot. I looked around, and any semblance of a smile dropped.

It looked EXACTLY as I remembered it. Beer-bottles, half-eaten plates of food, filthy floor...Sweet Christ, how did I live like this? Wait. Voice. Okay. I cleared my throat. "I assume you're Luna?"

The alicorn materialized in front of me, looking around with a lip slightly curled in distaste. "Indeed. Most would make their homes presentable, were they to entertain royalty as guests."

I rolled my eyes. "This is just a dream, Luna. There's not much point in cleaning if the room doesn't even exist."

Luna shook her head and sighed. "You use the phrase "there's no point" quite often. That is far from a healthy state of mind."

"I must've missed the part where that's your business," I snapped. "What're you doing in my dream anyway?"

"This may come as a shock, but please remain calm." Luna began, "when Applejack struck you, you received a major concussion. She was tasked with keeping you awake to avoid your slipping into an eternal rest, but failed." The Lunar Princess almost seemed sad at that. I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms.

"So...you think I'm in a coma. And you took that as meaning you could go rooting through my mind without my consent." I could see she was about to protest, so I cut her off just out of spite. "And you know that's just a myth, right? Keeping someone awake after a concussion does more harm than good."

Luna paused, blinking at me owlishly. "It has been common knowledge in Equestria for over a thousand years! I'm afraid I have to disagree."

"I'm not in a coma, Luna. And you know I'm not. If I was brain-dead, I wouldn't be dreaming. Why are you really here?" I tapped my foot on the floor impatiently, giving Luna my best Dwayne Johnson Raised Eyebrow™.

The Night Princess scuffed a hoof on the floor absently, looking anywhere but at me. After a moment, she managed to mutter, "I was tasked with going through your memories to find out what happened these last years." She spoke quickly enough it was difficult to understand, but I got the gist of it.

"Get out."

She winced as if struck, but stood her ground. "I cannot. I have a duty to perform, and I will not leave without carrying it out."

I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose. There was no point in arguing, these ponies would just ignore me and continue anyway. "Fine," I barked, "If you want to see my memories go ahead. But do NOT go farther back than three years."
-----

It had been roughly thirteen hours since Princess Luna had sat down to peer into Jason's dreams, and her horn was still glowing slightly, resting against the comatose man's forehead. Suddenly, out of nowhere, her horn flashed a blinding white for just a split-second, and her eyes shot open. She shook, eyes wide and unfocused, stiff as a board.

Applejack watched on, barely conscious herself. She hadn't slept since arriving in Canterlot the day before, and it was catching up with her. When Luna sprung into motion, however, all thoughts of sleep were abandoned. She jumped up and trotted to Luna's side. "Princess! Is he gonna be alright?"

The lunar princess turned to stare at Applejack, screeching and falling back. She pushed against the floor as best she could in the unnatural pose, managing to push herself against the far wall. "Stay back!"

Applejack, for her part, was utterly confused. Th' hay's gotten inta her?

Luna, still pressed against the wall, closed her eyes and tried to get herself under control. Her breathing slowed within five minutes, the shaking in her hooves in ten. Finally, the alicorn stood and tried to gather as much of her dignity as was left, standing tall and looking down at the farm-pony. "...It is done. There is no more to be done here, Jason Wright will awaken in his own time." Turning on her hooves, Luna walked away as quickly as she could without appearing to be running away.

Applejack stared at the spot Luna used to be, blinking. "...Why're all the real magical ponies crazy?"

"Not sure, you tell me."

"BWAAH!"
-----

Princess Luna galloped through the castle, all thoughts of maintaining an image gone. Bursting through the throne-room doors, she approached her sister.

Celestia caught the haunted expression and smell of fear from her sister, her eyes immediately filling with concern. "Sister, calm yourself. Is Jason alright?"

"I-I don't know...All logic says he should've been dead years ago." Luna rambled, "there's no creature alive that could take what he has. And that he still has any semblance of sanity...Celestia, what have you loosed on Equestria?!" Celestia hadn't seen her sister this terrified since their foalhood. "This human is twice as resilient as any creature in the Everfree, even a dragon couldn't survive as he has!"

Standing from her throne, Celestia extended a wing over Luna's body and brought her close. "Sister...calm down. What did he show you?"

Luna closed her eyes, shivering. "...Everything. I saw everything. It was so much worse than we predicted, Celestia. I fear there is no more we can do for him."

"There is always hope, Luna, you know that." Celestia's expression turned stern. "Anypony can be saved."

"That is not a pony..."
-----

I slipped out of the room, leaving Applejack hogtied in the rope I'd been bound with. Redressing my toga on my body, I took off towards the center of the castle.
-----

Twenty minutes later...

Finally, a cafeteria. I ignored the thick crowd of ponies at the tables, moving directly for the kitchen. Pushing past various unimportant background ponies, I found myself staring down at a mustachio'd griffon. "Yes, what can I get for you, monsieu-...mo-mo..." He stumbled over his words, already terrified.

"Everything..." I purred, "I am so...HUNGRY..."